Washington DC – Authorities here confirmed that a man brandishing a sword has indeed been seen prowling the city’s Adams Morgan neighborhood. ReportsMessage 1 of 1 , Mar 10View Source
Washington DC – Authorities here confirmed that a man brandishing a sword has indeed been seen prowling the city’s Adams Morgan neighborhood. Reports have been mixed, but it’s believed that he may have escaped from Hell and may in fact be the legendary scoundrel Don Juan. “I know I smelled brimstone,” one witness said.
The man, who gives his name only as Jack, dresses oddly, “sort of like Johnny Depp in those pirate movies,” a woman said. Several people claim to have encountered him. “Yeah, I saw the son of a bitch,” said Carlos Robinson, 19. “He was feeling up my girlfriend with his eyes. Man, I’m getting a gun.” Amanda Sigafoos, 26, saw it differently. “He was absolutely charming,” she said, “a gentleman, a little old, but sex-ee. I hear he’s in a show around here.” When asked if she would like to see the show, she said, “You bet your sweet ass.”
We have now confirmed that the DC Arts Center (DCAC) has engaged this Jack to tell his tale and to “connect” with the audience. Local authorities are not pleased. “DCAC is a hotbed of licentiousness and weirdness,” said a spokesperson. “We’d love to shut the damned place down, but what can you do? First amendment, you know. We’d love to bust this Jack character, but for what? Carrying a weapon? The NRA has our hands tied. He doesn’t even conceal it, you know.”
A call to NRA headquarters was not returned.
For those who want to risk it, the show, titled I, Jack, am the Knave of Hearts, runs from March 14 through April 6, Thursdays through Sundays at 7:30 PM. There will also be a 3 PM matinee performance Sunday March 24. Tickets are $25 general admission on Fridays and Saturdays ($20 for DCAC members) and $20 general admission on Thursdays and Sundays ($15 for DCAC members). For reservations, call 202-462-7833. Your safety cannot be guaranteed.