I signed up for a four week "Blockbusting
Techniques" class. I thought you may be intereste in reading
my first assignment.<br><br>Assignment 1 concerns
the tool of freewriting. I was posed with the
following question:<br>"Close your eyes and imagine you
ahve an invisible mentor. What or who is that mentor
and what qualities do they have? How are they going
to help you write?"<br><br>So...what follows in the
next post is what I posted as my response to the
assignment. <br><br>Jen<br><br>PS (any opinions as to
improving my technique, etc, are welcomed.)

I signed up for a four week "Blockbusting
Techniques" class. I thought you may be intereste in reading
my first assignment.<br><br>Assignment 1 concerns
the tool of freewriting. I was posed with the
following question:<br>"Close your eyes and imagine you
ahve an invisible mentor. What or who is that mentor
and what qualities do they have? How are they going
to help you write?"<br><br>So...what follows in the
next post is what I posted as my response to the
assignment. <br><br>Jen<br><br>PS (any opinions as to
improving my technique, etc, are welcomed.)

I have two real, real male friends. I love them
as much as any woman. Maybe more, because there is
never any sexual tension between us. Just giving one to
the other. Without - as Erin might say - any rules.
It rarely happens that I see them both one day after
another. Yesterday it was Bill, at lunch, near by home.
Today it is Jack, at Ruby's Restaurant at the end of
the Huntington Beach Pier. I'm leaving to go there
right now. Someday I would like to tell you about these
two wonderful men. They have both given me the
greatest gift of all. The gift of unconditional love: me
for them, them for me. <br><br>Hug four people today.
Relatives don't count.<br><br>robbie

Sounds right to me !!

Erin wrote, in part:<br><br>&gt; My two cents on
the rules....<br><br>It's worth more like a dollar
and a half.<br><br>&gt; I don't think they're
necessary. <br><br>I agree. But I also must take some of the
blame for the rules idea in the first place. When Jenn
and Wina were putting this together, Jenn asked me if
I had any thoughts. I was just coming off a
situation where people had broken the rules big time. And I
guess I over-reacted.<br><br>&gt; What happened at JJ
happened because people<br> are people and thus
unpredictable. <br><br>Yep.<br><br>&gt; I think everyone knows
the rules of human<br> decency already, and in my
opinion thats<br> all you need.<br><br>Or, at least, all
you SHOULD need.<br><br>rob

Is my thinking that if you ever fall in love with
what you know as , your soul mate , you should try
really hard to hold on to it . Love comes around often
for some of us , but soul mates , I beleive , only
once . If by some thin chance you come across yours ,
hold on and cherish every second . I now know that
just because you love someone , does not always mean
you get to , have , that person . Like everything
else , it all passes too fast , catch as many ,
special seconds , as life will permit .

There are not enough words or time to give you
the full picture of my aunt Gwen , but she is special
. She wears old clothes and cheap worn shoes and
works twelve hour shifts on her hurting feet . She
loves flowers and hats and tea cups . She buys her
grandchildren treasures from the goodwill and they throw them
out when she goes home . She takes my little boy
fishing and knows where all of the (kool) dump grounds
are . Her hair is thin and her plump face is always
red . She laughs with her whole body and cries like ,
the flood gates , have been opened . She wants to
quit her job and take care of children with aids and
she feeds all stray animals . Gwen never has any
grocies , but would give her last can a soup to someone
she hated . If she even hated anyone .<br> <br> Gwen
takes more pills than any one I know . You name it ,
she's got it . Rob's words reminded me of the many
times she doesn't buy food , to pay for the pills , she
HAS to have to live . It's not fair , but it happens
all the time . She makes choices everyday , spam or ,
three for a dollar , potted meat . People that have
never had to make these choices could never understand
. What a cruel fate cast upon a wonderful person .
The really funny thig is , Gwen loves to eat . I have
never seen anyone enjoy food or life , like her .

Jenn , you probley have the right idea , just
doing and saying are two different things . It is
really hard sometimes , to just do what you want or need
to do . I always let what other people think ,
affect me . Always wanted to be one of those people that
just did what they wanted and went on . I have never
been that strong . One remark at the club , and my
whole night is shot .

Boy, Wina, you and I have more in common than you
know. All my life I have struggled with the "you need
to be thinner" attitude of others. Just recently,
I've come to the conclusion "SCREW what other people
think!" If they can't love me for who I AM...forget it.
For all my life I have given of myself and never
expected anything in return. WELL I'm tired of feeling
guilty everytime I want something for myself. If I want
a chocolate chip cookie, Damnit! I'm gonna eat
one!<br><br>Rob, you are a knight in shining armor...that woman
had an angel standing behind and she didn't even know
it. Bless you.<br><br>Jen<br><br>PS...more later

Wina wrote, in part:<br><br>"I used to think if I
could just wear a size 11, then 9, then on to a 3, I
would be happy. I now know , it is never
enough."<br><br>As a recovering alcoholic, I know a little about
compulsions.<br><br>But only a little. <br><br>Almost all compulsions
involve having MORE. More Rob Roys, more Haagen Daz, more
bets, more power, more women, more men, more muscles,
more shoes. <br><br>Wina writes about her compulsion
to have less. Less weight. Less dress size. Less
hips. Less waist.<br><br>What a waste. <br><br>She is
so active every day. As a single mom of two
energetic pre-teens. As Oklahoma's brightest, busiest and
bustlingest spirits specialist. Any ounces she puts on in a
day goes off before that day is out.<br><br>So it
isn't the demands of three jobs (mom, maid, martini
maker) that push this compulsive "think thin" attitude.
It's what happened when she was very young.
<br><br>(Don't know who "they" are but)...They say that most of
our attitudes, behavior and personality are pretty
well defined by the time we're five. So if we are an
impressionable boy or girl with no other God but mom and/or dad
who drum into our heads that we MUST succeed, we MUST
be thin, we MUST win, we just might accomplish these
things. <br><br>But at what price?<br><br>A very smart
fellow named Aristotle about 2500 years ago, had the
answer. I don't know whether HIS father pushed him into
being the first great philosopher (and teacher of
Plato, among others). My guess is, Aristotle was allowed
to use his natural intelligence and commnon sense
and came to some pretty smart conclusions.<br><br>His
most famous concept was the Golden Mean. He said, in
effect, "extremes of any kind are wrong. The truly
successful person is one who walks through this life on a
middle road. That is the Golden Mean.<br><br>If Mr. A
lived today, he would say "don't be too fat or too
thin; don't drink too much; don't bet more than you can
afford to lose; don't work so hard that you have not
time for quiet thought, writing a journal or making
love."<br><br>I think he came up also with "moderation in all
things." And while he didn't say "Easy does it", <br>"One
Day At A Time", "Look Before You Leap", and "Take
time to smell the roses", he COULD have.<br><br>Did
the Greeks have roses 2500 years ago?<br><br>rob

It's funny how a few words can create an image in
your mind that just won't go away. Wina had talked
about being on a line at a supermarket. Immediately, I
was transported back one week to a short line in
front of Prescription Pick Up at Savon Drug Store.
<br><br>In front of me was an old woman wearing an old,
threadbare coat, her hair was scraggly, her white socks had
crumbled around her scuffed brown shoes. She looked like a
homeless person.<br><br>When she was first in line, the
tall man in the white coat behind the counter looked
down at her and asked "Name?"<br><br>She gave it. He
found her pills and read aloud the long, funny name on
the plastic pill bottle label. Then he said,
"Sixty-five dollars.<br>Cash or credit card."<br><br>She
opened the cheap purse she was carrying over her
shoulder and looked inside. She was nervous and looked
worried and very alone. <br><br>"Ma'am?" prompted the
druggist.<br><br>"Wait!" she said quickly, still looking in her purse.
<br><br>She didn't HAVE to say it. I knew. Sshe was deciding
between the pills or food for the next week.<br><br>"Yes,
alright," she said. She reached in her purse, pulled out
some one, five and ten-dollar bills and counted them
out:"five, ten, fifteen, twenty-five..."<br><br>Her purse
was still open. I brought some money out of my
pocket, picked out a twenty-dollar bill and - ever-so
gingerly - put it in her purse.<br><br>She paid her money,
got her bottle of pills, put them in her purse,
closed it and walk away. She wouldn't know about the
twenty until she got home -- if, indeed, she did have a
home.<br><br>Why is it that a human being - in this richest of all
nations - must make the decisions that old lady had to
make last week? I don't know.<br><br>I DO know that on
that same day, I felt pretty good about
myself.<br><br>rob

When I was a little girl , my dad would tell me ,
I was pretty . To me , this meant , love . My whole
life , I have wanted to be pretty , for him , for my
friends , for , whoever . Seems like I have never been
able to be , good , enough . Rhonda was always so
pretty and I would feel like I had failed her , when we
would go out . My dad wanted me to be tiny , and so did
my grannie . It was a big deal to them . Wanted to
be someones , princess , wanted someone to need me .
For the last two years , I have in a way , tried to
starve , myself into being pretty . I think I do it for
the attention , or maybe to please the , public . It
has become a ( thing ) with me , and I can never be
small enough . Maybe it is a way of , hiding . I just
know that it hurts , not to ever be , perfect , and it
is not even possible . I am probley as far away from
it as , one can get . Powerless to fate , bound by
old comments . Words hurt just as sure as , kisses
warm . Knowledge that this should not matter , but not
enough to satisfy the the performance . I used to think
if I could just wear a size , 11 then 9 , then on to
a 3 , I would be happy . I now know , it is never
enough . I always feel like , if I could just be a
little smaller . I know , life is not really about this
stuff , but tell that to me head . My head that still
remembers , all the comments that were pointed towards the
, heavy little girl . <br><br>This was just a mood
thing !! No one think I'm crazy , just writing because
it feels good . I know we all know that feeling .

I would like to make an official welcome to all
our new members. Goodriter, great to have you.
Mike_blair_2000 and bschultz...welcome! Glad you could join us.
Please feel free to make posts. I will be posting some
"club rules" (don't get scared off by those, please) in
the next few days.<br>May this be a place where you
feel free to be you and may it be a place of
inspiration.<br><br>Jen

First of all, WELCOME ROB! So glad we got this,
well YOu got this figured out. I am honored that you
have joined us. <br><br>As for talking to strangers
and meeting people, you are both right. I have met
such kinds of people, though not on airplanes, because
I have never flown. I I must admit, that sometimes
I tend to become like those people. Sometimes, you
just get, well, let's call it a feeling, that someone
will listen and they WILL understand WHATEVER it is
you are saying. Does that make any sense at
all?<br><br>By the way, if you will notice to the left on the
home page, I have added this week's words. I love you
all...<br><br>Jen

Is that friendship and kindship ? <br><br>Rob ,
so glad you found us . It is a brighter place
already . Just as snow does melt in the sun and the red
wine does stain a white silk dress , does , life go on
. <br><br>My kids just had me look at a rainbow ,
think I'll take my coffee to the porch .

What Wina experienced is what I experience every
time I take a jet flight somewhere. I call it the LAX
TO JFK SYNDROME. You get the same outpouring of
intimate thoughts on a supermarket line, a doctor's
waiting room or a park bench. But NOTHING can beat the
intimate sharing of two stangers' lives than what happens
between two people strapped in two narrow seats -
cheek-to-jowl - 30,000 feet up in the air, for five long hours.
Especially if said people really don't WANT to watch yet
another car chase on a little screen over the tops of
many heads and the cries of too many babies.<br><br>We
always come away from those instant friendships vowing
to "stay in touch". We exchange business cards. We
hug. We ARE friends. But of all the times I have
unburdened my soul and given and received life stories to
and from a stranger, I have STAYED friends with only
one. Don't know why that is. Just is. But I am always
grateful that I DID meet a seat mate who made that five
hour flight a four hour flight and reinforced my faith
in the basic goodness of human beings.

I learned more from a women , standing in line at
the grocery store , than I probley know about some of
my own family . Some people are just open and tell
everything they know . Maybe they need a friend or just
someone to talk to . Could it be that it is easier for
them to talk to a stranger than someone they know .
Whatever the reason , I learned that she , this women ,
had her first child at fourteen and had to give it up
to a family member . She told me that she has dreams
about this child , now ten years old . My heart hurt
for this women , even though I didn't even know her .
How funny that we can feel such emotion for a a
person we don't even know . I will wonder about this sad
person for a while , I think . How strange are the roads
that we travel in life .

Well Jen , I'm proud of you ! Hey , some of my
best cooking , comes from a box . I figure , they know
how to cook just about as well as anyone ! Tonight
it's , cheese burgers and fries , mixed fruit and
whipped cream . Well , I have to tun the meet , talk
later

Actually, Wina, we are having Chicken Helper tonight. I thawed out some chicken
breasts and am makeing stir fried rice. SOmetimes, those "meals in a box" are
pretty darn handy. :)<br><br>Jen

I took the kids to eat today and it poured down
rain . It was one of those rains that seem to turn the
whole world green for a while . All of the lawns looked
alive with deep greens and brite reds and yellows .
Makes me really glad that I went ahead and had my lawn
mowed yesterday .

Hi all , just posted Ashly's prom pic , so when you have time check it out . Jen
, what's for dinner at your house ? Erin , any ideas ?

Erin! So glad you could join us! I tried to post yesterday but it didn't want to
work. Thanks for giving us your support. I look forward, as I'm sure Wina does
to haveing you with us.<br><br>Jen

Hi , so glad that your here . I don't what's
right or wrong with the club , just glad your here . I
have no idea why I posted the pic , just did . Think
because I had them , I guess . I will make some coffee
and wake up and post in a second .

Hi guys. You all read my mind! I was struggling
with whether or not to quit JJ - not because others
left but because of the reactions of some who stayed.
So I was thinking of branching off with some of the
people whom I felt most connected to (you two included),
but I wasn't sure if that would be seen as bitchiness
by other people.<br>Funny to me how you posted your
pictures here, Icysnow. My first reaction to the JJ
turmoil was to delete my photo album there. I just felt
that I needed to withdraw a little, and photos are
very personal online. <br>My two cents on the rules -
I don't think they're necessary. What happened at
JJ happened because people are people and thus
unpredictable. You never know for sure how they will react. I
think everyone knows the rules of human decency
already, and in my opinion thats all you need.<br>Erin

I think rules are a must , but so is , free speach . We can get together and see
what we can come up with. We need members ....so let's put our heads together .
Have a good day , just me .

I think we need to make some hard rules here,
don't you? Why don't we both consider it, and see what
we come up with. I've got a couple written down
already, but I want this to be a group effort. (ha, what a
group so far...the 2 of us!)<br><br>Jen

I posted some pictures last night , just for fun
. Man , the only ones that I have are not that
flattering , but I like posting the things . It is amazing
that I even know how . Jen and Angel helped me , if
not for that , I would still be in the dark . Well ,
all for now , post often !

admission time! I did that very same thing just last night! Isn't that ironic!
Luckily, I had just enough light from the streetlight to get my key in the door.
By the way, WELCOME!

Just wanted to say hi and ask ...Why is it , the kids only remember to lock the
door , when they forget to leave the porch light on ? Go figure !!!

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