===============================================================
Share the love | Bring the pain | Get subscribed
Send an email to wadeweekly-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
===============================================================
More Wade Weekly on the web!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wadeweekly
===============================================================



[Those without enough credits to graduate will be going to Afghanistan. --wade]




Copyright 2004 Birmingham Post Co. http://www.postherald.com

-----------
WADE WEEKLY
-----------

Wade Kwon's weekly column
from the Birmingham Post-Herald,
Birmingham, Alabama

May 12, 2004

Class of 2004: Oh, the war-torn places you'll go
By Wade Kwon
Birmingham Post-Herald


Parents, teachers and distinguished members of the Class of 2004:

Congratulations, or as our Commander in Chief would say: Mission accomplished.

As your reward for your years toiling away in the classroom, the U.S.
Government is sponsoring your senior trip. You've earned it.

Now, you won't be wasting your days in Ft. Lauderdale or Cancun,
though there will be plenty of sun and sand. Nope, dear graduates,
you've earned an all-expenses paid vacation to the hottest spot on
Earth.

Class of 2004, you're going to Iraq!

People, settle down, settle down. People, people!

Don't think of it as a draft, but as an opportunity. Ask not what you
can do for your country; ask what you can do for another country, the
one you have trouble finding on a map.

You won't need your swimsuits, but you will need your cropped flak
jackets and low-rise Kevlar pants. And don't forget your cameras; you
won't want to leave a moment undocumented.

Your chaperones will be the 2nd Infantry Division; when they call
roll, you best answer quickly and loudly.

By the way, it's an exaggeration that the Iraqi people hate us. They
despise us with every fiber of their being.

But the only way to build a coalition of tolerance, healing and
absolute obedience with the Iraqis is to send more young Americans
into harm's-- er, harmony's way. You'll find they're just like us,
only completely different.

Your sub-standard achievement test scores and lackluster GPAs won't
be held against you. But it's time to put those diplomas to work.

While touring the Iraqi countryside and towns, some of you will be
asked to lend a hand. For instance, you might have to read a map. Or
take lunch orders. Or restore power and water to a small village.

You won't be sleeping through this civics lesson.

Don't you worry, mamas and daddies out there, it won't be all work
for these go-getter graduates. They'll have plenty of time to bond
while hiding in bunkers from sniper fire. Remember, a stranger is a
friend you haven't met yet -- or a disgruntled insurgent with a
rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

These are the kinds of real-world challenges that will mold the
future leaders of tomorrow. Or wipe them out. But more molding than
wiping out.

Once you land in Tikrit, Fallujah or the party capital of Baghdad,
you'll feast on MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) and bottled water. And
while you won't get to torture civilians (we leave the grunt work for
the grunts without diplomas), you will get to immerse yourselves in a
culture you fear yet demean.

Speaking of which, the exchange goes both ways. Recent Iraqi grads
will be spending their senior trip at ... the MTV Beach House in
Pasadena to party with Carson Daly and Hillary Duff. Woo-o-o-o-!!

In closing, make the most of your time in Iraq, for such a time won't
come again until the next election year. Leave the world a better
place than you found it, or at least, with an imposed democratic
government in charge.

And one last thing: watch your backs!

Thank you, congratulations and God bless you.










-------------
RELATED WORKS
-------------


5/7/03 - Time of liberation at hand for Class of 2003
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wadeweekly/message/181

5/15/02 - Class of 2002 marks history
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wadeweekly/message/127

5/15/00 - It's up to Class of 2000 to settle cost of diploma
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wadeweekly/message/21