Statesman Journal, OR, USA


November 14, 2008

Father should teach tolerance

Carol McAlice Currie


Let me preface this commentary by stating that I unequivocally support
parents' right to protect their children and to decide what is and
isn't appropriate for their offspring.

That said, I think that J. Hampton missed a teaching moment with his
7-year-old this week, and the community is a sadder place as a result.

Hampton's son is a member of the Salem Family YMCA before- and
after-school child care program at Chapman Hill Elementary School in
West Salem. Apparently, he and his wife thought their son was being
cared for by three women.

Recently, Hampton discovered that one of the women is a transgender
woman — in this case, a man rejecting the gender ascribed to him at
birth and now assuming the identity of a woman. The person refers to
herself as "she."

Hampton said he's not ready to answer his son's questions about the
woman's sexual reassignment and that there is nothing subtle about the
individual's "dolled up like a woman" appearance that includes painted
fingernails, make-up and done-up hair.

Hampton complained.

The YMCA staff told him that Oregon outlawed in 2007 discrimination
based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity or expression,and
that there had been no complaints about the employee's performance in
the three years of her work for the nonprofit. The Y has not disclosed
the employee's name.

"In my opinion, the Y is not taking this seriously," Hampton told me.
"If this was a TV show or a movie, it would be deemed inappropriate
for my son's age group. I maintain that the standard level of decency
for the job being performed should be appropriate to all ages in
society."

Hampton would have been within his rights to pull his son from the
child care program. Instead, he took his grievance to the airwaves via
the Lars Larson talk show.

Larson declared that sexual orientations such as this employee's are
"illegal, disgusting, grotesque and perverse."

Hampton urged the conservative talk-radio fans to call the Y and make
sure that other children weren't "left in jeopardy."

So Wednesday, the Y spent the day staffing its phones instead of
focusing solely on children, which, having paid to have them care for
my child years ago, I know it does well.

Parents entering and exiting the Y Thursday told me that this employee
is "much beloved" and "adored by children and parents alike."

Hampton admits that the Y said there have been no other complaints
against this individual, but he insists that the Y's job is to protect
the children, not the employee.

Protect them from what, I asked?

A person different from themselves? A person who has enough to deal
with as she struggles to reject a gender assigned by genitals, but not
borne out by feelings?

As a parent, I can commiserate a little with Hampton. The unknown and
the different can be scary, especially if we grownups don't have the
answers ourselves. But our children's minds are malleable. We don't
have to give them big, age-inappropriate words and descriptions for
them to understand to understand acceptance and respect.

We should take these opportunities to teach tolerance. Salem-Keizer's
elementary education department told me they would have been happy to
talk with Hampton about how to have a broad-based conversation with
his son.

If Hampton would prefer not to tackle the topic at all or to wait
until whatever age he deems appropriate, that's his parental
prerogative. He'd get no argument from me. All he needed to do was
pack up his son's lunch pail and get another day care provider.

Seeking to shame or embarrass the Y and this individual is wrong, and
so is the message the other children now are getting: that people who
are different are to be despised.


Carol McAlice Currie is a columnist for the Statesman Journal. Contact
her at ccurrie@..., P.O. Box 13009, Salem, OR 97309;
or (503) 399-6746; read her blog at StatesmanJournal.com/valleyvoice.


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