On reflection, it's a Me pandemic

"IF I had to distil my quotidian existence ... I would say: I love to be hated."

So writes Sam Vaknin in Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited, which I was reading because I was curious to understand this disorder after the recent slanging match between TV host Tracy Grimshaw and Gordon Ramsay ended with Grimshaw branding the celebrity chef a "narcissist".

Self-confessed narcissist Vaknin writes: "Hate is the complement of fear and I like being feared. It imbues me with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence. I am veritably inebriated by the looks of horror or repulsion on people's faces. They know that I am capable of anything. Godlike, I am ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable …

"It is all about narcissistic supply (attention, adoration, notoriety), the drug which we, the narcissists, consume and which consumes us in return. So, I attack sadistically authority figures, institutions, my hosts, and I make sure they know about my eruptions. In tactless breaching of every etiquette … I hector and harangue from my many self-made pulpits."

With so many corporate leaders, politicians and celebrities being labelled narcissists nowadays, the personality disorder has almost become an official pandemic. The culture of materialism breeds it, from self-absorbed famous twits such as Paris Hilton to the "me, me, me" of our computer-addicted youths who are no longer learning empathy and body language but instead indulge in one-dimensional negotiations on Facebook or through Twittering ("It's all about ME!").

The narcissist is always looking for attention, good or bad. Lacking empathy, the narcissist sees human beings as no more valuable than the cow is to a customer before he bites into his hamburger. Narcissists mimic real feelings and can be quite tender at times, but they are always driven by self-interest. If it's charm that gets them their "supply" of attention, then charm they will give you. If it's rudeness, then that's their arsenal. The point is, their victims - at work, play, in relationships or as an audience - always have an uneasy sense of being consumed rather than really cared for.

There is a line. Vaknin is at one extreme, branding himself a "malignant narcissist". "I derive my grandiose superiority from being right," he confesses. At the other end are the more benign members - our kids, growing up in the age of electronic self-aggrandisement and a culture filled with the exhibitionist antics of their infamous idols like Britney, Lindsay, Amy.

Seems to me the only way to stop the spread of this pandemic is to isolate narcissists by putting them in social quarantine. No more media attention for the outrageous, the deviant, the vain, the promiscuous, the power-hungry, the addicted, the damaged, or the self-inflated boofhead. But would there be anyone left?