Greetings, and welcome to the August installment of "Toddlerhood" (only a
week late!). I have a good reason - I've been interviewing for a job out of
state, and now I'm busy packing up my household to move. Of course, that
means looking for a place to live in my new home town. Since they want me
to start last week (the week before would be better), the move has to take
place really, really fast.

Now, I don't know if you've looked lately, but the price of last-minute
plane tickets for three (the baby is free, but the toddler requires his own
ticket) is absolutely ridiculous - over $900 each to fly 450 miles each way.
Well, I figured it wouldn't be too bad to just drive - it would save about
$2700 just in plane tickets. Of course, that means a ten-hour road
trip...each way...with a two-and-a-half-year-old...and his baby brother.
So, with that experience in mind, I thought I would share my tips on how NOT
to have a ten-hour road trip with a baby and a toddler.

1) Make sure you put the car seats right next to each other. This way,
your toddler can helpfully knock the pacifier out of the baby's mouth the
precise second that the poor infant finally manages to go to sleep.
2) Forget the staples like graham crackers and raisins - there's always
McDonald's, right?
3) Don't bother packing a sippy cup with juice or water, either. Those
lids on fast food soda cups never come off so that your toddler can spill it
all over himself and his brother.
4) Make sure you plan the trip for when at least two people going are
suffering from a cold (summer colds work best for this).
5) Try to schedule the trip for the week after you start potty training.
6) Schedule your driving so the toddler is just falling asleep for his
regular nap time when you stop for lunch, AND so he's been asleep for about
fifteen minutes when you get to where you're going.
7) If you work it right, at least one of the occupants can be crying at all
times. If you're really creative, this will include the driver.

Of course, I wasn't a COMPLETE idiot about this. I did remember to:
1) Take extra pacifiers, blankets, and toys, and know where they're at in
the car.
2) Take your child's favorite toy/security blanket/whatever with you.
3) Remember that both the toddler and the traffic will try your patience,
and neither one is doing it on purpose just to get your goat.

Do you have a toddler at home, or remember when you had one? Would
you like to write for "Toddlerhood"? Drop me a line. Oh, and pass
this on to your friends and family.
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