-----Original Message-----
From: shefa@yahoogroups.com [mailto:shefa@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Rabbi David Kay
Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 3:34 PM
To: shefa@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Shefa] RE: "Unwelcoming" intermarrieds, etc.

<snip>
Likewise, when asked why a non-Jewish spouse can't be a voting member of the synagogue or can't be called for an aliyah to the Torah, my response is in a similar vein:  "This is a Jewish community, and decisions by and about this community are made by the Jews who live in it.  Similarly, only those who are obligated in Jewish religious matters may fulfill them or lead others in fulfilling them."

My teacher, Prof. Mary Boys, has two basic rules for interfaith issues.  The first is, "Be as honest about your differences as you are inclined to be about your similarities."  The fact of the matter is that there is a theological -- or, at the very least, an ideological -- difference between a Jewish spouse and a non-Jewish spouse.  Jewish communities ought not to punish or ostracize either spouse for this difference, but neither do they do anyone any favors by ignoring it or minimizing it.  That, I believe, is dishonest and actually contrary to a real and sincere dialogue.

<end snip>

As a former member of R’ Kay’s former congregation, I am well aware of his position on intermarriage and interfaith marriages and the problems they face and can cause in a congregation. As an active member of that Conservative congregation, I often heard complaints about the inflexibility in honors and privileges granted to non-Jewish spouses. As a member of that sub-group, it directly affected me, so I turned to my wife and asked her if she would want me to be advising her priest on how to run his church. That argument seemed to satisfy her (although she had no real desire to be in any women’s group there.) Yet some members said that we needed to set an example by allowing non-Jews honors, voting rights, run committees, or take positions of decision within the congregation.

How do you please both camps? One camp stands on halakha and tradition while the other stands on the pedestal of marital peace and spousal equality. My current congregation is also wrestling with these issues. Are those who wish to allow such non-Jewish involvements outside or inside the mainstream of Conservative Judaism? Do we have to create 2 subsets: Modern Conservative and Traditional Conservative? Such a further division would only serve to obfuscate the cloudy message of Conservative Judaism.

Does each congregation have the right to set its own policy? Should the USCJ and the RA create a definitive ruling and revoke the membership of any congregation that fails to adopt that policy? A truly confusing issue. One might be tempted to not address the issue until it comes up, but then when it does come up, it will become a drawn out public process that can be destructive to a congregation, often putting the blame on the mara d’atra for not coming down on someone’s side.

Rabbis are in a difficult position on this…but no different than on any other issue: keeping kosher, activities on Shabbat, etc. The only difference is that they have to rule on the value the non-Jewish spouse has in their community. By limiting some things that have no precedent in halakha but only exist in USCJ and RA rulings, they color their community. However, the only way may be to rely on halakha, Talmud, Mishna, and the Tanakh as the only reliable guideposts. I don’t recall any of them prohibiting many things that many congregations do prohibit. I have never heard of a story of a non-Jew not being allowed to enter the Temples in Jerusalem because of some ruling from Above.

We are a religion of inclusion. We believe in ONE Supreme Being who is responsible for our history and our future. Should we not embrace anyone who shares that same belief? As long as any of their other beliefs do not create a problem within the synagogue itself or between members, should we exclude them?

My wife has no desire to have an aliyah because she knows it is important for each Jew to have that honor. Perhaps education is the answer.

My knowledge of Jewish law is minimal. I look forward to any amplifications or corrections.

Have a meaningful week.

Michael M. Wiseman