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Feb. 24 Scream of the Crop Jokes & Quotes   Message List  
Reply | Forward Message #1244 of 1246 |
Feb. 24 Scream of the Crop Jokes & Quotes

SCREAM OF THE CROP JOKES & QUOTES

Owned by Shara Smock, Visit the home of Scream of the Crop

http://www.screamofthecrop.com, from USA, Florida's Space Coast

 

 

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Earn dollars by completing online surveys and by having any referrals you make sign up.

 

You can do the same. They will NOT give your email to anyone.

 

A bonus is that in the survey, according to your answers, sometimes they ask if you would like to help try out a product before it hits the market. In the last year, I took part in this several times--for plastic wrap, cereal, and the best of all for me was Therma-Care air activated heat wraps.

 

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Quotes:

 

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. -- Albert Camus

 

Love is not measured by how many times you touch each other
but by how many times you reach each other. -- Cathy Morancy

 

******

 

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

 

 

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were
  secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the
  mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
  phrase......... "goodnight, sleep
  tight."

 

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From Laura:

 

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and
scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull ...
But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh....

Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.


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From Pandi:

 

What did the mothers of eminent people say?

 

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I  don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

 

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?"

 

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

 

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

 

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

 

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

 

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

 

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

 

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!": "Oh George, you never did have a head for money."

 

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

 

MRS. MORSE: "Sam, stop tapping your fingers on the table, it's driving me crazy!"

 

MRS. ARMSTRONG: "Neil has no more business taking flying lessons than the man in the moon."

 

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When forwarding, please keep the mail intact.

 

Please feel free to forward "Scream" to someone you know.

 

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Please contribute jokes and quotes, cut and pasted in the mail. If you know who wrote it or said it, please send that info, too. THANKS! Shara  screamofcrop@....

 

Back issues are at http://www.yahoogroups.com/list/scream_of_the_crop

 

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Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:17 am

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SCREAM OF THE CROP JOKES & QUOTES February 24, 2001 Owned by Shara Smock Shorthouse, Visit the home of Scream of the Crop http://www.rendell-smock.com ...
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SCREAM OF THE CROP JOKES & QUOTES Owned by Shara Smock, Visit the home of Scream of the Crop http://www.screamofthecrop.com, from USA, Florida's Space Coast ...
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