SCREAM OF THE CROP JOKES & QUOTES

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http://www.screamofthecrop.com, from USA, Florida's Space Coast

 

 

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There’s a difference between solitude and loneliness.  I can understand the concept of being a monk for a while. – Tom Hanks

 

Solitude is vastly preferable when it’s voluntary.

 

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Interesting out of office replies

 

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.  Please be prepared for my mood.

2.  You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.  If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
 
3.  Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
 
4.  I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.  Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
 
5.  Thank you for your email.  Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
 
6.  The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message.  Please restart your computer and try sending again.  
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over . . )
 
7.  Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
 
8.  Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.  Please wait by your PC for my response.
 
9.  I've run away to join a different circus.
 
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Jim.

Two mechanical engineers from the upper peninsula of Michigan were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walks by and asks what they were doing.

'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Sven, 'but we don't have a ladder.'

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. 

Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away.

Ollie shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman!  We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' 

Sven and Ollie were working for the United States Government but had to leave after January 20th of this year!

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