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EarthSourceMedia Reports for February 25th, 2009
~Night-night, Satellite~
Snowy Glacier, Antarctica:
Antarctica; ‘primordial ice castle,
isle of white- final frontier of all that is right’
(against a backdrop of steady, roaring wind) …”Dr. Rixmuffin, the new satellite data has come in. You want to wait until…?”
“No, let’s look at it right away. Back to the tent-bunker”.
(wind quiets as they enter tent) …”Tell me Doctor, the graphics are very colorful, but what does it all mean?”
(removing snowshoes) …”Well, the pink represents the ice cover, and the blue is open ocean water. See how it’s changed from 2005 to 2006? It’s worse than we thought. We can’t wait any longer- it’s time to send up the Taurus XL. Call washington”.
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC
(Handsome well-dressed black man handles red phone) … ”So like I said, Emperor, we simply don’t have the $3,000,000,000,000 at this time. The solution is that we’ll have to work together to stabilize the gulf, and end the wars, saving the US two billion a week- that’s a trillion annually, much of which can be redirected to pay off the…”
‘Uh, Sir?
I’m sorry sir, it’s Dr. Rixmuffin from Base 12 in Antarctica, he says it’s urgent”.
“Emperor, I have to let you go, please accept my gratitude for your patience and humble thanks for the honor of your friendship. Michelle? Of course I’ll tell her you said it, I know she feels the same way-goodbye”.
“OK, what’ve we got Randall?”
(hands him the phone)…
“Mr. President? Dr. Rixmuffin here, Base 12; the European satellite data has come back with significantly less pink and substantially more blue. I think you know what it means- there’s no time to argue between the parties.”
“It’s not really an argument Steve; China is opening a new coal-fired power plant every three days, we owe them a ton of money, and the only resource America still has is coal. The only realistic way we can pay off the debt is to mine more coal and send it to China. It’s a tough call- those are jobs that vote democratic, but the climate is rising. This will spiral out of control if we don’t act right away- we’ll have to show the danger of burning more coal! I agree with you, it’s time to send up the Taurus XL.”
A,T&T Headquarters Building:
(four sharp knocks, followed by a whistle)
“Enter, agent 9.”
“Thanks- wow, what a cool little room this is! All this electronic gear! And ATT is ok with this?”
“Sorry 9, that kind of thing is all ‘need-to-know’. For right now, we’re monitoring the conversation between the Whitehouse and Antarctica, and I don’t think MRC is gonna like what I’m recording-listen to this!” (click* ‘it’s not really an argument, steve- china is opening a new coal-fired power plant every three days, and…)
“Yikes! We recorded the Whitehouse?!”
“Hell yes- National security, project M.E.R.C.Y. We’d better get this to MRC right away.”
“And MRC is..?”
“MERCY. Stands for Murdock Rove Cheney“.
“As in Rupert Karl and Dick? What do they care?”
NASA HQ at Vandenberg Air Force Base, Lompoc, California:
“Project Manager Brunschwyler, how may I help you?”
“Mr. Brunschwyler? Please hold for the President of the United States.”
(turn that down, turn it down!! I think this might really be…)
“Mr. Brunschwyler?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you, one moment.”
“John?”
“Yes sir!”
“Barack Obama. I hope your day is going better than mine is.”
“I-uh, I-I…”
“The reason I’m calling is, your country needs you John. Is that satellite of yours ready to go out into orbit?”
“Yes sir, standing by for your order, sir.”
“Get it done. Dr. Rixmuffin will see to it you have everything you need. And John?”
“Sir?”
“I’m counting on you.”
“Yes sir!”
(hangs up phone)…”OK everybody, look alive, it’s showtime!” (cheers, shouts)…
Gargoyle Mountain, Montana:
(Deep within the Cheney Fortress, cauldrens smoking, vats bubbling, lights flashing, electrodes warping, vroomp, vroomp, vroomp!)…
*hisssss-click-sizzle* M.E.R.C.Y M.E.R.C.Y, come in mother mercy-whirr-click-hiss*
(view from behind, bald head in swivel chair, whirls around- revealing man in white scientists smock)..
“Mother M.E.R.C.Y., go ahead.”
*Mr. Cheney, we’ve intercepted a relevant transmission, sir- should be arriving in the…* whir-click-hisssss*
“Got it. Good job- now, delete this recording, any record or transcripts and e-mails immediately. Also, blow up any private aircraft carrying former webmasters ASAP- Mother M.E.R.C.Y. out!”
*Out-hiss-click*
Melbourne, Australia:
ooooga ooooga ooooga! “Murdoch, go ahead United States.”
“Rupert? This is Dick- we’ve got a big one- NASA is about to launch-”
“How many times have I told you, Richard? Just take care of it! I’m up to my ass in complaints about the chimp cartoon in the NY Post! I’m trying to keep war crimes off the front pages, but I can only run so many stories honoring the burn victims, y’know!!? Even 9-11 isn’t working since the bottom dropped out!”
“Rupert, it’s a satellite to measure carbon and identify natural heat sinks, like forests. It can’t take off!”
“Richard, you’re overreacting! The Europeans already have a satellite and no one’s paying any attention-”
(in background: “yeah darth, you’re over reacting! Hey, what happened to getting Libby a pardon? Ha ha ha har-dee har!”)..
“Who is that?”
“Nothing, Richard, it’s Karl fooling around on the extension is all, he’s been drinking, let him alone- *karl-hushup!*
“Dr. Rixmuffin’s paying attention, Rupert- and so’s America’s new darling! We don’t need a mom and apple pie American satellite blasting off and corraborating the European data! The oil companies don’t want it, the logging companies don’t want forests to be seen as ‘heat sinks’, ‘clean coal’ doesn’t want it, and for the love of god, Rupert, that satellite better not take off!”
NASA, Vandenberg Air Force Base, Lompoc, California:
“OK people, look alive, and we’ve got T-minus 10! Propulsion?”
“Pro is a ‘go!”
“Nine! Thermal sheilding?”
“Sheilds are ‘go!”
“Eight! Coolant?”
“Go, sir!”
“Seven! -power plant?”
“All go!”
“Six! Five! Four! Ground?”
“(yawn) Ground is go, sir.”
“Always cool, aren’t you Epstein? 
Three!”
Three!”Two!” One! and Mark!”
“Ignition, liftoff!!”
(bright burn, roaring and thunder)…
Burbank California:
“Hi everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news, and from the mountains to the prarie, welcome- tonight we bring you a special report on the OBAMA HELICOPTER controversy, the PEANUT BUTTER doomsday scenario, and the horror of STEROIDS in SPORTS! Oh, and also, we’ll cover that little launch of a carbon monitoring satellite from Vandenberg- but first this word from today’s ARMY- an army of one! (news program music)…
A,T&T Headquarters Building:
(four sharp knocks, followed by a whistle)
“You may enter, agent nine- what’s the word?”
“Well, M.E.R.C.Y. says the Orbiting Carbon Observatory is ‘ixnay on the arbon-cay’. And no more money for Orbital Sciences Corporation, either. Says we push the little square clicker button on the remote at three minutes in.”
“And what’s that gonna do?”
“Just what the man said- ‘ixnay on the arbon-cay’ . Chevron, Exxon and Clean Coal say no way on the arbon cay- satellite must not launch.”
Vandenberg AFB, Lompoc, California:
“Sir, the launch is vibrating a bit.”
“What’s the heat-ometer reading?”
“Normal. But the flux-tramitozometer says there’s an extra 13 ounces on board we can’t account for.”
“Steady as she goes.”
“Aye.”
Burbank California:
“Hi everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news, back again and we take you now to Vandenberg Air Force Base, where they appear to be having some trouble with the $280,000,000 dollar satellite finally being launched after 9 years of work and planning. The crowd is surprisingly large for a 2:00am rocket launch, all necks craned way back as the rocket goes into ‘pitch and yaw’.
Wait-wait- hold it- it’s arching down now, a sweeping pattern of fire in the sky, trailing down, ever downward towrd the earth once again- I’m not sure it’s supposed to be doing this, but no-no NOOO!!!!”
silence
Everybody, this is Johnny Zinger for ABZ news saying the satellite has crashed into the ocean just off of Antarctica. Into the ocean where ice should be. Into the warming waters. For ABZ news, this is Johnny Zinger saying, stay tuned for news at 11:00, where OSCAR reigns supreme!
“(And) somewhere out in the eternal ink of space, one more species crash lands
one more race of intersteller butterfly, caught in its own cocoon
fails to shed the cosmic umbilical cord, and no one noticed
and no diety cared, as both cry and tears froze
in the cold impartial vaacum of a forever night’
joey racano 2009
our founder
For more than five weeks since January 12th, Sea Shepherd has successfully prevented the Japanese whaling fleet from murdering any whales. By our estimate, that means nearly 500 Piked whales have been spared this season, half of the Japanese quota. And, no humpbacks were killed at all. This makes Operation Migaloo the longest and most successful Whale Defense Campaign in our history. 
On March 7th in the Southern Ocean during a confrontation with the Japanese whaling fleet, Captain Watson was watching his crew throw rancid butter canisters at the whalers when he felt a thud in his chest. Moments later, he inspected his kevlar vest and discovered he'd been shot just above the heart. Because of his vest and an anti-poaching metal badge underneath, Captain Watson sustained only minor injuries and is fine. The badge however was bent significantly. 
March 15th is the International Day of Action for the Seals and demonstrations have been organized globally. To find out if there's a demonstration near you, 
