ako honestly, kinakabahan sa darna... alam nating kabataan ang
target ng darna, pero sinadya rin nilang gawing seksi ang costume,
para ma target din male audience. so mas dumadami ang possible
viewers nila. at pasado na sa mtrcb ang costume ni angel. sabi ni
chairman, sa komiks pa lang daw eh malinaw na dapat tlaga seksi si
darna. so nakalusot na sila.
>
> ano kayang hakbang ang gagawin ng abs? nasa kanila kasi ang
momentum after mulangaw. tapos di pa rin mapabagsak ang ec, tapos
puro koreanobela na.
>
> pero ang importante naman sa kin ay masaya ako sa mga shows na
ginagawa ng dos. di nga kami affected dito sa usa ng mga tapatan ng
shows na yan eh, kasi walang katapat. sobrang mahal lang namin
talaga ang abscbn, kaya parang nasa pinas pa rin kami at concern sa
ikatataas ng ratings natin.
>
> sad to say, kahit andito ako sa usa ,kahit saang dyaryo sa
internet, eh puro darna ang mga articles. magaling ang promotions
nila. how much more sa pinas, siguradong todo promotion sila... dito
kulang ang abscbn. sana gastusan na nila sa promotion ang mga new
shows.
>
> good luck sa abs. basta ako, papanoorin ko ang mga pinaghihirapang
shows ng abscbn. kapamilya na ako habang buhay eh. sana kayo din. :)
>
> Francis <fslonline2000@y...> wrote:
>
> Nasa bus ako pauwi kaya ko nakita ang Making ng Darna sa kabila...
> Masasabi ko impressive talaga kung titingnan at talagang aabangan
> mo... Pero hindi kasi un ung mismong show, making lang so expect
na
> ung magaganda lang ang makikita mo. Sabi nga ng katabi ko sa bus,
> she would prefer Krystala over Darna... Sa Krystala kasi, bago ang
> makikita unlike Darna which is luma na... Siguro nga patterned ang
> Krystala sa Darna but I would also prefer the new story of
Krystala
> than that of Darna... Mas sexy lang talaga si Angel kesa kay Juday
> (no offense meant) but I think hindi appropriate sa tv ang
> kaseksihan ni Angel lalo na at mga bata pa ang target audience ng
> Darna niya...
>
> --- In kapamilya_abscbn@yahoogroups.com, "rusty"
> <rusty_august15@y...> wrote:
> >
> > ano po nangyari kagabi sa first time na pagtatapat ng darna at
> > krystala?di po ba kagabi at mamayang gabi magtatapatan po
> sila.yung
> > special po ng darna at ang krystala
> >
> > --- In kapamilya_abscbn@yahoogroups.com, "Kenneth"
> > <mbassy_2000@y...> wrote:
> > >
> > > Blue vs. Red
> > >
> > > ok... the network war is also the battle of the 2 primary
> colors:
> > > Blue and Red... ABS-CBN is Blue and GMA is Red!... it carries
on
> > to
> > > its shows... di niyo ba napansin? TVPW had blue as is dominant
> > color
> > > while 24oras had red...So as its following programs...
Krystala
> in
> > > Blue... Darna in Red!
> > >
> > > The Curl is in!
> > >
> > > Yeah... Parehong Kulot ang Dalawang Pinay Superheroes. yay!
> kulot
> > po
> > > is in pagdating sa mga superheroes!!
> > >
> > > The Boot
> > >
> > > pareho din ung design ng kanilang high heeled boot!... one
comes
> > in
> > > blue... the other comes in red.
> > >
> > > The Crystal..
> > >
> > > Pareho din silang may bato sa Nuo (noo... however you spell
it)
> > > Krystala's powers comes from a magical fairy... Darna's come
> from
> > > the space.
> > >
> > > The storyline and VFX
> > >
> > > i think mas well established ung story ng Darna over
Krystala...
> > > but.. Krystala has the edge on better cinematography and
better
> > > particle effects. Darna on the other hand had better 3D
graphics
> > but
> > > all is spoiled with poor cinematography
> > >
> > > The soundtrack.
> > >
> > > hmmm...mas catchy ung kay Tala... nice din ung theme ni
Darna...
> > but
> > > tala's could have been nominated for best musical score and
won
> > kung
> > > merong awards show like the emmys d2.
> > >
> > > the publicity.
> > >
> > > pareho silang may "the making" specials... i like Darna's over
> > Tala's
> > >
> > > What to expect.
> > >
> > > Medyo awkward ang Premiere ng Darna... Kung kelan namamayagpag
> ang
> > > sugo ng dilim sa Krystala. Expect darna to have some star-wars
> > like
> > > scenes (actually... they have) and i believe darna has IT...
its
> > up
> > > to the people behind Krystala how they are going to battle a
> grand
> > > pilot episode.
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kapamilya_abscbn/

welcome po sa mga bagong kapamilya natin sa PaluantambayanYahooGroups!

magpakilala naman po kayo sa mga luma na!

Yung name, age, location, sex, lahat na!


dun sa mga gustong maging member ng KapamilyaABSCBNYAhoo Groups!@

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/kapamilya_abscbn/

hehe! check out the latest in www.paluantambayan.tk

Wla lang! galing lang akong Anilao Batanggas! Wla! nag outing lang kami
ng mga friends ko! nag enjoy naman ako kahit papaano!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Ano ba ang nangyari sa Mr. & Ms. Paluan natin?

Hindi naman ako sa minamaliit ko ang mga kandidata sa pageant na iyon
pero parang wala man lang kalatuy-latoy ang program. Akalain mo bang
sa 17 na babae at lalaki na tinanong sa question and answer portion e
lima lang ang sumakto sa sagot? As in kung sumagot man sa question e
malayo. Mayroon pa ngang di nakasagot at ngumiti lang at pagkatapos
ay nagsalitang "that's all thank you!" Tama ba yun? Well, wala naman
tayong magagawa. Nagcocomment lang talaga ako.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Maganda ang Project kung gagawin taon taon.

Si Fr. Ansel pala at mga taong simbahan ang nagsuggest na magkaroon
ng St. Joseph Look alike! Nakakatuwa na makita mo `yung mga siga e
kahit papaano nagiging santo. Napakaganda ng idea na yun at sana ay
magtuloy-tuloy pa.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Naging matagumpay ang Street Dancing Competition

Ok naman ang naging streetdancing competition. Ang pangit lang ay
hindi lahat ay nagoparticipate at parang laban lang iyon ng
elementary. Kasi kahit nga highschool e wala akong nakita. Basta next
year, dahil nga maganda ang presentation e lalakihan na raw ang
premyo. Sana naman ay lakihan na nga nila para naman marami na ang
sumali sa ganitong patimpalak.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Basketball Finals, Naging Highlight sa Fiesta

Ang Marikit ang nagChampion sa Basketball. Ang nakalaban nila ay ang
Baranggay Uno na akala nami'y magiging Champion. Ok lang naman at
naging masaya ang katapusan.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

visit www.paluantambayan.tk

the official yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Ano ba ang nangyari sa Mr. & Ms. Paluan natin?

Hindi naman ako sa minamaliit ko ang mga kandidata sa pageant na iyon
pero parang wala man lang kalatuy-latoy ang program. Akalain mo bang
sa 17 na babae at lalaki na tinanong sa question and answer portion e
lima lang ang sumakto sa sagot? As in kung sumagot man sa question e
malayo. Mayroon pa ngang di nakasagot at ngumiti lang at pagkatapos
ay nagsalitang "that's all thank you!" Tama ba yun? Well, wala naman
tayong magagawa. Nagcocomment lang talaga ako.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Maganda ang Project kung gagawin taon taon.

Si Fr. Ansel pala at mga taong simbahan ang nagsuggest na magkaroon
ng St. Joseph Look alike! Nakakatuwa na makita mo `yung mga siga e
kahit papaano nagiging santo. Napakaganda ng idea na yun at sana ay
magtuloy-tuloy pa.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Naging matagumpay ang Street Dancing Competition

Ok naman ang naging streetdancing competition. Ang pangit lang ay
hindi lahat ay nagoparticipate at parang laban lang iyon ng
elementary. Kasi kahit nga highschool e wala akong nakita. Basta next
year, dahil nga maganda ang presentation e lalakihan na raw ang
premyo. Sana naman ay lakihan na nga nila para naman marami na ang
sumali sa ganitong patimpalak.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Basketball Finals, Naging Highlight sa Fiesta

Ang Marikit ang nagChampion sa Basketball. Ang nakalaban nila ay ang
Baranggay Uno na akala nami'y magiging Champion. Ok lang naman at
naging masaya ang katapusan.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

visit www.paluantambayan.tk

the official yahoo group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/

Sa pinakabago pong member ng tambayan:

Mag post po kau at magpakilala naman sa iba nating kasama dito sa
tambayan.

Enter your vote today!  A new poll has been created for the
paluan_tambayan group:

Pabor ba kayo sa pagkakaroon ng mga sundalo sa lahat ng sulok
ng Paluan?

   o Oo. Para makasigurado sa kaligtasan natin.
   o Medyo, kaso magiging negative 'yung feedback sa atin! Mangangahulugan lang
iyon na magulo na talaga sa Paluan.
   o Hindi ako pabor kasi 'yung mga sundalo ang magugulo.
   o Hindi talaga ako pabor!
   o Wala akong pakialam....


To vote, please visit the following web page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/surveys?id=1734965

Note: Please do not reply to this message. Poll votes are
not collected via email. To vote, you must go to the Yahoo! Groups
web site listed above.

Thanks!

Sa loob po ng Limang Buwan (5 months)

ay nakapagtala na po tayo ng 22 members simula pa noong September!

sana po ay magtuloy tuloy pa ito:

At sana po ay patuloy ninyo pa ring suportahan ang www.paluantambayan.tk

Sa pagsisimula po ng ika unang anibersaryo nito!

Ang unofficial www.paluantambayan.tk po ay nagpapasalamat sa inyong

lahat na patuloy na tumatangkilik nito!

Sa www.paluantambayan.tk ay marami po tayong babaguhin lalo na yung
ibang mga pages!
Sa mga gustong mag suggest para lalo pa nating mapaganda ang ating
tambayan ay bukas po tayo para kumuha ng mga mungkahi mula sa inyo.
Dahil nga po sa napakarami na nating naiinstall sa tambayan, minsan ay
hindi natin maiiwasan na mag hang ang ating computer kaya konting
pasensya na lang po!
Doon po sa ibang nagpadala ng mga pictures ay intay intay lang po kayo
dahil babaguhin na natin ang tambayan!
Maraming salamat sa patuloy na pagtangkilik!
Abangan ninyo po ang ispesyal na araw ng www.paluantambayan.tk sa
pagsisimula ng una nitong anibersaryo......
Abangan........

    Musta na kayo? Wala lang!!!!!

The following paluan_tambayan poll is now closed.  Here are the
final results:


POLL QUESTION: Ano ang magagawa ninyo para lubos na
mapaganda ang ating FIESTA?

CHOICES AND RESULTS
- Mag-aambag ng pera para sa pondo ng FIESTA., 0 votes, 0.00%
- Manonood na lang!, 1 votes, 20.00%
- Sasali sa mgan pakulo sa FIESTA., 3 votes, 60.00%
- Wala talaga akong maitutulong., 0 votes, 0.00%
- Makkabuting ipagdasal ko na lang kasyahan sa FIESTA NATIN!, 1 votes, 20.00%



For more information about this group, please visit
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan

For help with Yahoo! Groups, please visit
http://help.yahoo.com/help/us/groups/

Musta na kayo? Wala lang!!!!!

Welcome po sa mga bago nating members sa:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/

Salamat naman at nagtiwala kayong sumama at maging miyembro ng
tambayan!

Para sa iba pang detalye,
magpunta lang sa www.paluantambayan.bravehost.com

o kaya:

www.tarangka.tk

www.paluantambayan.tk

o kaya www.ptambayan.tk

salamat sa inyong pagtitiwala!

Enter your vote today!  A new poll has been created for the
paluan_tambayan group:

Ano ang magagawa ninyo para lubos na
mapaganda ang ating FIESTA?

   o Mag-aambag ng pera para sa pondo ng FIESTA.
   o Manonood na lang!
   o Sasali sa mgan pakulo sa FIESTA.
   o Wala talaga akong maitutulong.
   o Makkabuting ipagdasal ko na lang kasyahan sa FIESTA NATIN!


To vote, please visit the following web page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/surveys?id=1661565

Note: Please do not reply to this message. Poll votes are
not collected via email. To vote, you must go to the Yahoo! Groups
web site listed above.

Thanks!

di ba fiesta na ng paluan? ano gawa nio na?

please always visit the tambayan ng bayan:

www.paluantambayan.bravehost.com

or simply:

www.paluantambayan.tk

www.ptambayan.tk

www.tarangka.tk

www.alltambayan.tk(not yet registered!)

Ayan na po! mas pinadali nang maabot ang ating tambayan! Hindi na
kailangan pang imemorize ang mahabang www.paluantambayan.bravehost.com

Maari ninyo pong itry pa sa www.google.com ang ating tambayan. Simply
go to www.google.com and search paluan, Paluan or PALUAN , lalabas
tayo diyan! Number one pa sa listahan. Nangangahulugan lamang po na
ang www.paluantambayan.tk ay talagang ginawa para sa mga taga-Paluan!
maraming salamat po!

wala lang!!!
nagpaparamdam lang ako!!
Congrats nga pala sa paluantambayan.com kasi kasali sila sa list ng
most innovative websites ba yun??
basta iyun na yun!!!
Konting dagdag pa ng sipag at siguradong mananalo ka!!!
Yung links e pwede magbura ka na ng iba kasi di ka naman nilalagyan
ng links nila.........
Madadaya yung mga iyun!!!
sige...........

Enter your vote today!  A new poll has been created for the
paluan_tambayan group:

Umuunlad nga ba ang Paluan?

   o Oo, umuunlad talaga!
   o Oo, umuunlad kahit papaano.
   o Oo, umuunlad pero mabagal.
   o Hindi ko alam at wala akong paki!
   o Hindi talaga at wala nang pag-asa!


To vote, please visit the following web page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paluan_tambayan/surveys?id=1615172

Note: Please do not reply to this message. Poll votes are
not collected via email. To vote, you must go to the Yahoo! Groups
web site listed above.

Thanks!

Bandillo!!!


Doon po sa mga members ng yahoo groups ng paluan_tambayan, abangan
ninyo po ang ating sample newsletter at kung maaapprove po ay
gagawin na nating weekly. Thanks!

GOOD NEWS TO ALL!!!!!

Hindi na kayo mahihirapan pang magmemorize ng mga letters para
makapunta kayo sa website na ito. Madali lang kasi pinaigsi pa ang
pangalan ng website na ito na maaari ninyong gamitin sa lahat ng uri
ng computers:

www.paluantambayan.tk   www.ptambayan.tk    www.tarangka.tk    at
www.alltambayan.tk (not yet available!!!!)

salahat ng mahilig magpost,

magpost naman kayo ng magkaroon nman ng buhay ang group natin!!!

mag leave kau ng message naman sa message board poara ok!!!

mahirap kasi kung 3 lang source natin for the news! sa ibang members
magkalap naman kayo for sure na masaya!!!!

click
www.paluantambayan.bravehost.com

NEWS!!!???

Fr. Levi Meme dumating na!

     Salamat naman at ok ang ating pinakamamahal na pari dahil sa
nabalitang nagbakasyon siya sa kanyang bansa nito lamang nakatapos na
buwan. Mayroon kasing tsunami na tumama sa kanilang bansa at marami
ang nawalan ng bahay at buhay.

Paluan Teaching Force may "Field Trip"?

     Sa darating na January 26, magdadagsaaan ang mga guro ng Paluan
para sa isang Field trip na inorganisa ng ating mahal na gobernador
Gob. Nene Sato. Sila ay dapat tutuloy sa Baguio pero dahil na rin sa
meninggococcemia e hindi na rin daw! Hindi naman magiging pangit ang
kanilang feild trip dahil sa Subic na lang ang tuloy nila.
Magmamanila hotel pa pala sila! Sosyal!

May sun na rin ba sa paluan??

     Aba! maganda iyang balita kung matutloy at totoo ang balita g
source natin!

Renovation of Calawagan Mountain Resort!!!

     Nakatutuwa naman kung ang ating pinakamamahal at pinagmamalaking
Calawagan ay bibigyan na rin ng tuon para pagandahin! Sana naman ay
magpatuloy pa ito sa pagpapalawig ng turismo sa bayan natin! Go
Paluan!!!

                                               'Rters'


this news is brought to you by:

http://www.paluantambayan.bravehost.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Whats New with the paluantambayan.com?

Try to see our DANCING PRESIDENT!!! Guess who??? Click it!!! talagang
maeenjoy kayo at matatawa sa bago naming hatid sa inyo na bagong
performer! Kakaiba ang dating nito at hindi mo akalaing magsasayaw ng
ganito......

Scorpian ka ba??Its the new Humoroscope with pictures and
illustrations of your Zodiac Signs!!!! Try it! Birthday mo ba ngayon?
Pagkakataon mo na malaman kung ano ang mga dapat gawin ngayong
birthday mo and prediction sa mga mangyayari sa iyo ngayong taon.

Try to see the latest journal from one of our kababayan!!! "Pasko sa
Gitna ng Krisis".

Its all about Funny Jokes!!! Featuring the joke -"Insexticide"
LOLZ!!". The newest of all the pages with flash! (Just Funny
Jokes............nothing dirty please!!!)

This friend by kevtaz2004@... is thw newest poems in our daily
featured page! Read it!!!

For all the visitors of this website: please sign our guestbook!!!
Cge!

It's all the latest and the greatest about Paluan! (abangan!!!)


be he greatest!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.pangasinan.org/pangasinan.html

From: ISAIAH
Town_City: ALCALA
Email:
Title: "BALLS"
Remote Name: 69.107.141.94
Date: Friday, October 15, 2004


Joke
Once upon at time,there is this two men. Lets characterized
them "HARD WORKING AND LAZY ONE". One day god call upon them to go
to the mountain to collect a rock. So the two men went to the
mountain as god instructed them to do. The HARDWORKING MAN took a
big rock and the LAZY MAN took a small one. After that they went
back to god and god said"THOSE ROCK THAT YOU TOOK FROM THE MOUNTAIN
WILL TURN TO BREAD". The HARD WORKING MAN is so happy because he got
a big bread and the LAZY MAN GOT MAD because he got a small bread.
Once again god instructed them to go to the mountain and collect two
rocks each of them. The HARD WORKING MAN took evenly size rocks.
This time the LAZY MAN took a one huge size and a small one and they
return to god. And god said to them,"THOSE ROCKS THAT YOU TOOK FROM
THE MOUNTAIN WILL BECOME YOUR BALLS OR BAYAG!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: KuyaArdy
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Some humor on parenting
Remote Name: 198.81.26.44
Date: Friday, October 15, 2004


Joke
1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE. "Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga
leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay." 2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION
kay Itay. "Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka
na!" 3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC.. "Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi
ko." 4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto MORE LOGIC. "Kapag ikaw ay
nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang magisa ang manonood ng sine." 5.
Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sahibin ng
IRONY. "Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan
mo!" 6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang
CONTORTIONISM. "Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tignan
mo!!!" 7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin
ng STAMINA. "Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo natatapos yang
lahat ng pagkain mo!" 8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang
WEATHER. "Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid,
parang dinaanan ng bagyo!" 9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay
tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE: "Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa
mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito." 10. Kay Itay
ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Tumigil ka nga
diyan! Huwag kang mag-inarte na parang Nanay mo!" 11. Si Inay naman
ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS. "Nagmana ka ngang
talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!" 12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag
sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY. "Maraming mga batang ulila
sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na
tulad namin?" 13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng
ANTICIPATION. "Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa
bahay!" 14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig
sabihin ng RECEIVING. "Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!" 15.
Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR. "Kapag nahulog
ka diyan sa puno at napilay ang paa mo, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa
akin at lulumpuhin kita!" 16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat,
natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE. "Isang araw
magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, tiyak maging katulad mo at magiging
pasakit din sa ulo!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Mobile .....
Remote Name: 66.91.39.16
Date: Friday, October 15, 2004


Joke
A couple was making love. WIFE: Anselmo...., OH....
Anselmo......HUSBAND: Walang hiya ka! Sinong Anselmo ang sinasabi
mo? Pinagtataksilan mo ako ano? WIFE: Gago! "ANG CELL MO", alisin mo!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Nakatawa
Town_City: San Carlos
Email: anggapo amo .com
Title: Inspirasyon sa problema
Remote Name: 64.12.116.147
Date: Wednesday, October 13, 2004


Joke
Husband: Lagi mo pala dinadala ang picture ko sa > > > > bag mo pag
pumapasok ka sa office. Baket? > > > > Wife: Pag may problema ako,
kahit gaano kabigat, > > > > nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture
mo. > > > > Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal > > >
> mo ko. > > > > Wife: Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos > >
> > sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS > > > >
HIHIGIT PA DITO.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Nakatawa
Town_City: San Carlos
Email: agko gabay ya iter. com
Title: Inspirasyon sa problema
Remote Name: 64.12.116.147
Date: Wednesday, October 13, 2004


Joke
Husband: Lagi mo pala dinadala ang picture ko sa > > > > bag mo pag
pumapasok ka sa office. Baket? > > > > Wife: Pag may problema ako,
kahit gaano kabigat, > > > > nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture
mo. > > > > Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal > > >
> mo ko. > > > > Wife: Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos > >
> > sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS > > > >
HIHIGIT PA DITO.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rogelio I. Evangelista
Town_City: Villasis/Charleston,S.C.
Email:
Title: Snowed
Remote Name: 214.1.37.249
Date: Thursday, October 07, 2004


Joke
At a news studio, the anchorman/woman were discussing the snowy
situation,how in some areas the snowdrifts were high, and in some
areas, not that much. In the forecast, more snow to fall. Just
before the camera was turned on, the anchorwoman said to the
anchorman. "By the way,what happened to the nine inches you promised
last night?"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: MAR
Town_City: Fremont,Ca.U.S.A
Email: marioisaiah!sbcglobal.net
Title: AGAINST THE WALL
Remote Name: 69.107.141.16
Date: Wednesday, October 06, 2004


Joke
A man need to used the restroom really bad. He can't find any
restroom. So what he did, he just went to take a leak or (IHI)
against the wall. Mr.policeman saw him and said"DONT YO KNOW THAT
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS AGAINST THE LAW? The man repplied,"NO SIR,IT'S
AGAINST THE WALL!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Mar
Town_City: Fremont,Ca. U.S.A.
Email: marioisaiah1@...
Title: "AN AMERICAN"
Remote Name: 69.107.135.117
Date: Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Joke
What do you call a person thats speak two laungages?....." A BI-
LINGUAL". What do you call a person thats speak three
languages?.. "A TRI-LINGUAL".....and finally a person thats speak
one language?..... AN AMERICAN!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Chestnut
Town_City: Sta. Maria
Email:
Title: Break muna tayo
Remote Name: 12.146.133.137
Date: Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Joke
>>Intsik patay punta sa heaven, he asks St. Peter: "Ano dyan sa
kabila?" > >> > >>St. Peter: "Wala, impyerno. Super init!!" > >> >
>>Intsik: "Lipat ako dun." > >> > >>St. Peter: "Ha? Bakit?!" > >> >
>>Intsik: "Ako benta ice water." > >> > >> >
>>************************************************* > >> > >>Pari:
What's your problem, son? > >> > >>Man: I'm so depressed, Father. >
>> > >>My son is an addict, my daughter is a prostitute and my wife
is a > >> > >>gambler. > >> > >>Pari: Tsk! Tsk! Disastrous! Is there
anything positive in your life, > >> > >>son? > >> > >>Man: Meron,
Father... my AIDS test. > >> > >> >
>>******************************************************* > >> >
>>If only Adam and Eve were Chinese they would not have committed
the > >> > >>original sin. > >> > >>They would have eaten the snake
and sold the apple. > >> > >> >
>>********************************************************* > >> >
>>Ano ang animal na di sigurado? BAKA. > >> > >>Ano naman and laging
napuputol? CAT. > >> > >>E, ano naman ang palaging ayos? Eh, di OX.
> >> > >>Paano naman ang pangit? Eh di COW! > >> > >> > >
>>****************************************************** > >> >
>>General: Mr. President, I think our troops are over-fatigued. > >>
> >>Erap: Okay. Let them wear khaki naman for a change. > >> > >> >
>>******************************************************* > >> > >>
> >>What's the difference between ACCIDENT, CALAMITY and DISASTER? >
>> > >> > >>When your girlfriend gets pregnant - ACCIDENT > >> >
>>When you live with her - CALAMITY > >> > >>When your wife finds
out - DISASTER! >
>>************************************************************** >
>> > >>A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having
a drink. > >> > >>When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and
says, "Whoever can use > >>the words liver' and 'cheese' in a
creative sentence can have me for > >>tonight." > >> > >> > >>So the
White guy says "I love liver and cheese." > >> > >>She says "That's
not good enough" > >> > >>The Black man says "I hate liver and
cheese" > >> > >>She says "That's not creative" > >> > >>Finally,
the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!" > >> >
>>*********************************************** > >>What's the
difference between! corruption in the USA and corruption in > >> >
>>the Philippines? In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines,
they > >>go to the US! > >> >
>>*********************************************** > >> > >> >
>>Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap? > >> > >>Kasi pag Pinoy -
hulugan! > >> > >>Pag Bumbay - 5-6! > >> > >>Pag Kano - credit card!
> >> > >>E pag Intsik - C. O. D.!!!! > >> > >> >
>>************************************************ > >>TEACHER: What
is the formula for water? > >> > >>ERAP: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O > >>
> >>TEACHER: That's not what I taught you. > >> > >>ERAP: But you
said the formula for water was..... H to O. > >> > >> >
>>*********************************************** > >> > >> > >> >
>>O tama na trabaho ka na ulit !!! > >> > >> > >> > > > >


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rogelio I. Evangelista
Town_City: Villasis/Charleston,S.C.
Email: stinky_puit@...
Title: A Camel Joke.
Remote Name: 214.1.37.249
Date: Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Joke
Two girlfriends,A and B, were walking in the park when a sudden
downpour caught them. Cold and wet, they decided to have a smoke,
after they found a shelter. Girlfriend A, was dismayed to find her
cigarettes all soaked up. But girlfriend B, leisurely took out from
under her bra, a condom-ful of Camel cigarettes, all dry and
smelling sweet. "Hey, that's a good idia. I'll try that too!" said
girlfriend A. The following day, girlfriend A, stopped by a
drugstore. "A box of condom, please!" she said to the store
clerk. "What brand?" The clerk asked. "It doesn't matter!" she
replied. "What size?" The clerk asked again. "Big enough enough to
take a Camel!" She replied.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rogelio I. Evangelista
Town_City: Villasis/Charleston,S.C.
Email: stinky_puit@...
Title: A Camel Joke.
Remote Name: 214.1.37.249
Date: Tuesday, October 05, 2004


Joke
Two girlfriends,A and B, were walking in the park when a sudden
downpour caught them. Cold and wet, they decided to have a smoke,
after they found a shelter. Girlfriend A, was dismayed to find her
cigarettes all soaked up. But girlfriend B, leisurely took out from
under her bra, a condom-ful of Camel cigarettes, all dry and
smelling sweet. "Hey, that's a good idia. I'll try that too!" said
girlfriend A. The following day, girlfriend A, stopped by a
drugstore. "A box of condom, please!" she said to the store
clerk. "What brand?" The clerk asked. "It doesn't matter!" she
replied. "What size?" The clerk asked again. "Big enough enough to
take a Camel!" She replied.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: geoff
Town_City:
Email:
Title: galing talaga ng Pinoy...
Remote Name: 24.152.190.172
Date: Monday, October 04, 2004


Joke
1) A couple placed an ad,"Have 4 sons, need advice on how to have a
daughter." Yank: Keep trying! Briton: Change doctor! Aussie: Follow
a special diet. Indian: Practice Yoga! Pinoy: LET ME TRY! 2)
Population policies of countries: China: Stop at 1 child. Singapore:
Stop at 2 children Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.! 3) Ano kadalasan ang
sinasabi kapag nautot? American: Excuse me. British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: CHESTNUT
Town_City: Santa Maria
Email:
Title: CLEVER THINKING
Remote Name: 12.146.133.137
Date: Monday, September 27, 2004


Joke
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before
he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my
money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with
all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money
in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the
casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was
sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before
the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait
just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box
and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket
down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you
weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your
husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't
go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that
money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that
money in the casket with him!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got
it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he
can cash it, he can spend it."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: MAR
Town_City: SAN VICENTE/ FREMONT,CA U.S.A.
Email: marioisaiah1@...
Title: SPOON ON FRONT POCKET
Remote Name: 69.107.132.248
Date: Sunday, September 26, 2004


Joke
A couple went to a restaurant to eat dinner. They noticed that all
the waiters got a spoon infront of their pocket. The couple asked
why they got spoon infront of their pocket. The waiter reply that
it's just part of their time management "like somebody drop a spoon
they don't need to go to the kitchen and get new one. They just give
them the spoon the one in their pocket. A group of customer eating
next table one of them eating soup drop his spoon. He called the
waiter and asked for spoon. The waiter give him a spoon the one on
his pocket. They noticed again that they have a piece of string
hanging infront of their pants zipper. They asked why a piece of
string hanging infront of their pants zipper. The waiter repplied
this is just part of their time management" like when they go to the
restroom they just full the string so the y do'nt need to hold it
and washed their hands afterward. They asked another question and
said "how do you put it back"? The waiter repplied "I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE OTHERS DO,BUT ME " I USED MY SPOON!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title: SPOON ON A WAITER'S FRONT POCKET
Remote Name: 69.107.132.248
Date: Sunday, September 26, 2004


Joke


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: I' m starting to relate
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Sunday, September 26, 2004


Joke
A couple in their 90's is having problems remembering things, so
they decided to see their doctor for a check up. The doctor told
them that they're physically okay, but starting to be forgetful so
he recommends to start writing things down to keep them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV the old man gets up from his
chair. His wife asks, " Where are you going honey?" "To the
kitchen," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me a bowl of ice
cream?" "Sure," the husband answered. She gently reminds him, "Don't
you think you should write it down so you can remember it honey?" He
says, "No," I can remember that. She then says, "Well,I'd like some
strawberries on top. You'd better write it down 'cause I know you
might forget it. He says, " I can remember that! You want a bowl of
ice cream with strawberries. "She adds, " I also like a whipped
cream, now I'm certain you'll forget that so better write it down."
Irritated, He says," I don't need to write it down! I can remember
that! an ice cream with strawberries and a whipped cream." He then
grumbles into the kitchen. After 20 minutes, the old man returns
from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She
stares at the plate for a moment and says, " Where's my toast?"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: J
Town_City: Pangasinan
Email:
Title: Birthday Gift
Remote Name: 202.72.131.230
Date: Friday, September 24, 2004


Joke
Birthday Gift Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem,"
said the first one. "What is it?" "My wife has done it to me again.
I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday,
from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER
mother, why can't she buy it?" "What did you buy her last year?" the
other one asked. "Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery
plot." "Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other. The two guys
couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his
mother-in-law anything for her birthday. When the big day arrived
the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for
her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for
the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so
thoughtful!" Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you
haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Chestnut
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 12.146.133.137
Date: Wednesday, September 22, 2004


Joke
CONVICT: Father, forgive me for I have sinned. PRIEST: Sabihin mo
lahat ng kasalanan mo, anak. CONVICT: Father, ipinapatay ko po lahat
ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo ba'y naniniwala sa kanya? PRIEST: Sino
yon? ************************************** Witness: Pagkatapos ng
krimen, naghiwa-hiwalay na kami. Translator: After the crime, we
became sepa-separated. ***************************************
Dermatologist to a patient Dermatologist: Miss, may good news ako sa
iyo. Hindi ka na tutubuan ng tagihawat. Miss: Talaga po, doc? DERMA:
OO, dahil wala ng space. ************************************ Police
Chief: Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga exits!
Later. Guard: Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum! Police Chief: Paano
nangyari iyon? Guard: Sir, sa entrance po dumaan!
****************************************** Man: Doc, help me,
nakainom ako ng Baygon! Doc: Bakit, magsu-suicide ka? Man: Hindi.
Nakalunok kasi ako ng buhay na ipis. Doc: Tange! Dapat kumain ka na
lang ng tsinelas! ************************************ Si Misis
kinakalabit ang mister sa hating-gabi. Misis: Love, wala na akong
panty.... Mister: (nagising) Tulog ka na, love, bukas ibibili kita.
*************************************** Kuba: Tinutukso nila akong
kuba. Mag-aaral nga ako ng karate. Five months later. Friend: Ang
galing mong mag-karate! Tinatawag ka pa rin ba nilang kuba? Kuba:
Hindi na! Ninja Turtle na ang tinatawag nila sa akin!
****************************** A prisoner donated his eyes, arms,
legs and kidney. Guard: Aba, unti-unti ka nang tumatakas, hah!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rich
Town_City: Sta. Maria
Email: rsali@...
Title: Blonde Joke
Remote Name: 63.165.209.18
Date: Tuesday, September 21, 2004


Joke
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to the
bar and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar
immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think its
fair - given that you are blind - that you know five things: 1) THE
BARTENDER IS A BLONDE GIRL. 2) THE BOUNCER IS A BLONDE GIRL. 3) I'M
A 6- FEET-TALL, 220 LB., BLONDE WOMAN WITH A BLACK BELT IN KARATE.
4) THE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO ME IS BLONDE AND IS A PROFESSIONAL
WEIGHT LIFTER. 5) THE LADY TO YOUR RIGHT IS A BLONDE AND IS A
PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you
still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second,
shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to
explain it five times."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sally
Town_City: Canada
Email:
Title: Why there isn't a Filipino-American President
Remote Name: 24.66.94.144
Date: Monday, September 20, 2004


Joke
Top Ten Reasons Why There Isn't A Filipino-American
President......10). White house is not big enough for in-laws and
extended relatives. 9). Not enough parking at the White House to
park the 2 Honda Civics, the Toyota Celicas, the 2004 Mercedes Benz
Deisel, BMW's and the MPV's. 8). Dignitaries generally intimidated
by eating with fingers at state dinners. 7). Too many dining rooms
in the White House.. where will they put the picture of the Last
Supper? 6) White House walls not big enough to hold giant wooden
forks and spoons. 5) Secret service staff won't respond to "pssssst,
psssssst" 4). Secret service staff unconfortable driving
presidential car with rosary hanging on rear view mirror or Santo
Nino statuette on dashboard. 3) No budget allocated to purchase
karaoke sing-along machine for every rooms in the White House. 2).
State dinners do not allow leftover food as "Take Home" ..... And
the number one reason is.... Air Force One does not allow over
weight balikbayan boxes on board.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: cafe latte
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Monday, September 20, 2004


Joke
I was making rounds one morning with a physician when we were
interrupted by a co-worker who inquired about a patient's
diet. "Mrs.Jones does nothing but complain about her food," said my
co-worker. "She said the food was terrible,the coffee tastes like
mud." "Well it should," the doctor quipped. "It was freshly ground
just this morning."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: me to all
Town_City:
Email:
Title: FILIPINO NAMES
Remote Name: 213.112.85.44
Date: Monday, September 20, 2004


Joke
filipino names who became an american names: 1.juanito lakarin-
johnny walker 2.roberto contrales-bert control 3.julia domingo-holy
sunday 4.gregorio talahib-george bush 5.tomas cruz-tom cruise
6.bienvenido macario-ben hur 7.remegio batongbakal-remington steel
8.vicky malihim-victoria secret 9.esteban magtaka-stevie wonder
10.casimiro bucaycay-cashmere bouquet 11.leon mangubat-tiger woods


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: GORGEOUS NURSES
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Friday, September 17, 2004


Joke
MY NURSING COLLEAGUE WAS PREPARING AN INTRAVENOUS LINE FOR A 15 YEAR
OLD MALE PATIENT. THE BEDSIDE PHONE RANG, AND THE BOY'S MOTHER
REACHED OVER TO PICK IT UP. AFTER TALKING FOR A FEW MINUTES, THE
MOTHER HELD THE PHONE ASIDE, TURNED TO HER SON AND SAID, "YOUR DAD
IS ASKING IF YOU'VE GOT ANY CUTE NURSES." THE BOY GAZED AT THE
NURSE, WHO HAD THE 18 GAUGE NEEDLE POISED ABOVE HIS ARM, READY FOR
INSERTION. "TELL HIM," HE REPLIED, " THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: P. Joker
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Through the years
Remote Name: 169.252.4.21
Date: Thursday, September 16, 2004


Joke
Lovelines through the years 1950s-Iniirog kita. 1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita. 1980s-I love you. 1990s-Tara sa kwarto. 2000s-
Pwede na rito.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: P. Joker
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Joke for Today
Remote Name: 169.252.4.21
Date: Thursday, September 16, 2004


Joke
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary, British home, German
car,Chinese food, and Pinoy wife! PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car,
British wife, German food, Chinese home and Pinoy salary!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: susie barbieri
Town_City: urdaneta city/seoul, korea
Email: susie2412@...
Title: why i need to learn korean language
Remote Name: 218.145.25.14
Date: Wednesday, September 15, 2004


Joke
Two days ago, my friend and I decided to go shopping in Costco. It's
not very far from our place and it's not only economical but also
very practical. As neither of us speak or read Korean, (we are both
new here) we asked our driver to to come along with us in which he
willingly accepted it. That made our shopping abssolutely a lot
easier. Marie- Pierre, (my friend's name) wanted for something to
make her house smell good. You know a kind of Airwick or something
with different fragrances. We looked around everywhere and we didn't
see it. And besides, mostly are written in Korean and we depended
solely on pictures. Until she saw in one corner a bagfull of boxes
with pictures on it with different fragrances of course. She was
happy thinking that she finally found the one she's looking for. She
took many boxes with different 'smells'. There were strawberries,
lemons, apples, bananas and you name it! What a delight! Mr. Chang,
the driver, and myself were on the other side looking for something.
Marie-Pierre came near us excitedly and said that she found what she
was looking for and proudly showed them to Mr. Chang. The latter was
surprised, kind of embarassed or I don't know. All I could see on
his face was a tricky smile. And he said discreetly....."Madame,
those are condoms." Marie Pierre immediately put them back in the
shelves and we started to laugh like crazy! What an experience! I
can imagine Marie-Pierre's reaction if she took all those little
boxes at home without knowing what was really inside. Imagine all
those boxes with different fragrances! I would have really loved to
see her displaying all those things around her house! This is really
funny but not all the time. Generally, it's a handicap not knowing
the language. It's hard to get by and we get frustrated not being
able to express what we want. So there's only one solution
left....it's to learn the language. And this time, I am ready to
take the challenge. So the Koreans.....they better watch out! Right?
SB


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sally
Town_City: Canada
Email:
Title: Senior Dress Code
Remote Name: 205.200.189.2
Date: Wednesday, September 15, 2004


Joke
Many of us "Old Folks" are quite confused about how we should
present ourselves. Despite what you may have seen on the streets,
the following combinations Do Not go together and should be avoided:
(1). A nose ring and bifocals. (2). Spiked hair and bald spots. (3).
A pierced tounge and dentures. (4). Miniskirts and support hose.
(5). Ankle bracelets and corn pads. (6). Speedo's and cellulite.
(7). A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar. (8).
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor. (9). Midriff shirts and
a midriff bulge. (10). Bikinis and liver spots. (11). Inline skates
and a walker. And last, but not least....(12). Thongs and depends,


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Ben.jr
Town_City: Burnsville,Mn.
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 24.118.168.110
Date: Tuesday, September 14, 2004


Joke
A man walking along the beach,in the Philippines finds a bottle.He
rubs it and genie appears. "I'll grant you three wishes the genie
says."There's just one condition.I'm a politician's genie,so for
every wish you make, every politician in the Philippines gets the
same thing,only double".After thinking a moment,the man says,for my
first wish,Id like 10 million pesos". Politician will get 20 million
pesos".the genie remind him. What else do you want? I'd love to have
white BMW,he says. Instantly, the car appears on the beach. What's
your last wish?"Well,I've always wanted to donate a kidney". "Yak
politician TEPOK"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: kurdapya
Town_City:
Email:
Title: tubig
Remote Name: 213.112.85.249
Date: Tuesday, September 14, 2004


Joke
may isang tindero ng tubig sa may bus stop at habang itoy naglalakad
nakakita siya ng amerikano na umiihi sa may pader at biglang may
dumating na bus sumigaw ang tindero:tubig,tubig at biglang sumagot
ang amerikano hey men this is not too big it's just a regular size..


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rene Baraceros
Town_City: Dammam, KSA
Email: h2rnb@...
Title: Pulutan? No way
Remote Name: 212.138.47.11
Date: Monday, September 13, 2004


Joke
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in
the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman
stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing
tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, 'Don't be surprised. This
is just part of my job.' 'Incredible!' exclaimed the man. 'I can't
believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An
animal that can talk!' 'No, no,' pleaded the dog. 'Please don't! If
that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as
well!'


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Solitaire
Town_City: Canada
Email:
Title: The Last Seminarian
Remote Name: 66.185.84.69
Date: Sunday, September 12, 2004


Joke
Twelve seminarians were about to be ordained. The final test was for
them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a
sexy, beautiful nude model danced before them. Each seminarian had a
small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone
whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he has not reached a state of spiritual purity. The
beautiful, sexy model danced before the first candidate, with no
reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same no response
until she got to the final candidate. As she danced, his bell began
to ring loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarassed, he took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick the
bell up. Then all the other bells started to ring....


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: first-time joker
Town_City: Tayug, Pangasinan
Email:
Title: School balooneys
Remote Name: 66.185.84.69
Date: Sunday, September 12, 2004


Joke
These are actual excuse notes from Filipino parents. Names have been
changed for privacy purposes: 1)My son is under a doctor's care and
should not take P. E. today. Please execute him. 2)Please excuse
Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3)Dear
School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,
and also 33. 4)Please excuse Girlie from Jim today. She is
administrating. 5)Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6)Jason has
been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7)Carlos
was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in
the growing part. 8)Megan could not come to school today because she
has been bothered by very close veins. 9)Chris will not be in school
cus he has an acre in his side. He has also a very loose vowels. 10)
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea) (direathe) the shits. * words were crossed out in the ()'s
11)Benjim was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 12)I kept
Merle home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't
know what size she wear. 13)Please excuse Tessie for missing school
yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when
we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 14)Karen won't be in
school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 15)Please
excuse Ignacio for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could
not breed well. 16)Honey was absent yesterday as she was having a
gangover. 17)Minda was absent December 11-16, because she had a
fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever.
There must be something going around, her father even got hot last
night. (grammatical error/spelling is retained in this joke)


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title: religious jokes
Remote Name: 219.249.47.246
Date: Saturday, September 11, 2004


Joke
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells
her friends. my son is a Priest. Whenever he walks into a room,
everyone calls him "Father".The second Catholic woman chirps. "My
son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say" Your
Grace" The third Catholic woman say smugly, "My son is a Cardinal.
Whenever he walks into a room people say "Your Eminence ". The forth
Catholic woman sip's her coffee in silence. The first three woman
give her this subltle"" Well?...... She replies, " MY SON IS
GORGEOUS,6'2, hard-bodied stripper....... Whenever he walks into a
room people say "OH MY GOD..........:)


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Pinky
Town_City: Canada
Email:
Title: Latin
Remote Name: 24.141.247.174
Date: Saturday, September 11, 2004


Joke
Teacher: Class, translate "To err is human and to forgive is devine"
in latin.>>Juan: To errot is humanot and to forgivot is devinot...


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Bella
Town_City: NC
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 68.107.200.235
Date: Saturday, September 11, 2004


Joke
Mabel and Rachel were residents in a nursing home.Rachel asked
mabel "Is that a suppository sticking in youe ear? Mabel Pulled it
out and answered rachel "Now I know where my hearing aid went"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: J
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Exposed Breast
Remote Name: 202.72.131.230
Date: Friday, September 10, 2004


Joke
Grade this joke: Exposed Breast A blonde is walking down the street
with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby
policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I
could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the
blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is
exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I must have left
my baby on the bus!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: J
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Medical Orders
Remote Name: 202.72.131.230
Date: Thursday, September 09, 2004


Joke
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He
said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each
morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For
lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially
nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your
problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a
week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think
your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home,
the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said
you're going to die," she replied.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: J
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Medical Orders
Remote Name: 202.72.131.230
Date: Thursday, September 09, 2004


Joke
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He
said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each
morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For
lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially
nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your
problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a
week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think
your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home,
the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said
you're going to die," she replied.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: JAR
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 138.163.0.44
Date: Thursday, September 09, 2004


Joke
This is a good one... Kaya pala you are always over the top. Proof
that it's not just hard work that gets you to the top........... Now
we know ! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever
wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We
have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a
little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =
98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-
T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take
you A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can
conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's
the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: P. Joker
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Are you Polish?
Remote Name: 169.252.4.21
Date: Thursday, September 09, 2004


Joke
A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish
sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The
man, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I
was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask
me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask
me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I
was Mexican?.....Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well,
no." "And if I asked for some Irish whisky, would you ask if I was
Irish?" " Well, I probably wouldn't." With deep self-righteous
indignation, the man says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me
if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk
replies, "Because this is Home Depot.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Apostolic Man Oneness Pentecostal
Town_City: Sta.Maria / Baguio City
Email: edison_quintero1@...
Title: Longest And Shortest Book iN tHE BIBLE,,,...
Remote Name: 210.213.176.66
Date: Thursday, September 09, 2004


Joke
Question: What is The Longest Book in The Bible? Answer:
H_A_B_A_K_K_U_K.... Question: What is The Shortest Book In The
Bible?" Answer: ikli-siastes....


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: P. Joker
Town_City:
Email:
Title: IRS Genie
Remote Name: 169.252.4.21
Date: Wednesday, September 08, 2004


Joke
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without
water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through
the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of
a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards
ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
discovers what appears to be an old brief case. He opens it and out
pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an
Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a
calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie, "You know how I work. You have
three wishes." "I'm not falling for this," says the cowboy. "I'm not
going to trust an IRS auditor genie." The genie asks, "What do you
have to lose? "You've got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!" The cowboy thinks about this for a minute,
and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush
oasis with plenty of food and drink." ***POOF*** The cowboy finds
himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He is
surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "OK,
cowpoke, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were
rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The cowboy finds himself
surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and
precious gems. "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better
make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy
replies, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will
want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon. The moral
of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going
to be a string attached.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: susie abenojar-barbieri
Town_City: urdaneta city/ seoul, south korea
Email: susie2412@...
Title: no comment!
Remote Name: 218.145.25.14
Date: Wednesday, September 08, 2004


Joke
Arab interview > Q: Your name please? > A: Abdul Aziz Mohammed > Q:
Sex? > A: Yes. Two times every week. > Q: No no. I mean, Male or
Female? > A: Not matter. Sometimes also camel ----------------


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Chestnut
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Dear John Letter
Remote Name: 12.146.133.137
Date: Tuesday, September 07, 2004


Joke
Dear John Letter The ultimate response to a Dear John letter... You
gotta love a man like this! Humour in the face of defeat. A Marine
was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter
from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept
with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with
him AND she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what
any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then
mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his
girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you
are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rogelio I. Evangelista
Town_City: Villasis/Charleston,S.C.
Email: stinky_puit@...
Title: The Reluctant Husband
Remote Name: 214.1.37.249
Date: Tuesday, September 07, 2004


Joke
A highway patrol car with blue lights flashing followed a speedster.
It wasn't until the policeman blew his siren that the speedster
pulled to the side of the road. A tough-looking patrolman stepped
out of his car and said to the motorist. "Tell me why I shouldn't
haul you to jail right now for ignoring a flashing blue light!" The
motorist answered. "Well, oficer, my wife ran away with a cop. I
thought he was you trying to return her back to me!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: JR
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 66.215.68.80
Date: Tuesday, September 07, 2004


Joke
When President D. Macapagal is alive he used to come to New York and
walk around 5th Ave. and Times Square. One afternoon he is walking
along 42nd street and saw Hookers at the sidewalk. He talk to one of
them. One Hooker said it will cost you $35.00. The President said
wow it cost too much and it will take my month pay. How about Ten
Dollars said the president. No way said the hooker. So he went back
to the Hotel where they are staying. The following morning, him and
his wife Eva walk the 42nd street and there goes the hookers again.
This time the hooker who use to speak with the President the day
before said, Hey Mr. see what you get with your Ten Bucks.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

http://www.pangasinan.org/pangasinan.html

From: SAAA
Town_City: Villasis
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.174.7.191
Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Joke
Few years ago one of the president in USA was Ronald Regan ok. Joke
and one of our grandfa wanted to become US citizen. He needed to
study. When he was ready to become US citizen he decided to apply,
then when he received his schedule hw was so happy finally he take a
challege inteview to become US citizen. Here , we go grandfa was
already there nervous waiting to call his name. When he was there he
was excited but when he found the question was only one but he was
not sure the answer. He said nag-regatten ! then the person 'US
consulate' said congratulation your answer correct. Then the grandfa
was not sure why the said congratulation and he knows did not answer
the question correct. So grandfa when home told his family why the
said congratulation his answer was wrong... finaly was figure was
the President was REAGAN sound like nag-regatten (ILOCANO). got my
joke's


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Batogay
Town_City: chicago
Email: xx
Title: x
Remote Name: 68.72.96.86
Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Joke
Antoy pandomaay kolangot tan plato. Ebat say plato iyad tapew na
lamisaan. Say kolangot diad silong.ahh


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Batoyug
Town_City: chicago
Email: xx
Title: xx
Remote Name: 68.72.100.120
Date: Monday, November 22, 2004


Joke
Antoy Pandomaay Baka tan Dueg.Ebat Say Dueg Makapanbaka.say baka aga
makapandueg.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: hhhhoooaahhh
Town_City: Iraq
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.58.96.78
Date: Sunday, November 21, 2004


Joke
Dalawang sailor na cook ang nag uusap, Pare wala na tayong bigas,
husto namang dumaan ang asawa ng admiral at narinig ang usapan ng
dalawa. Tanong nya Why did call me big ass? Nagsumbong ngayon ang
asawa sa Admiral. Dumating ang Admiral at tinanong yung dalawang
sailor kung bakit tinawag na Big ass ang asawa nito. Pawisan ang
dalawang sailor na nagpapaliwanag sa Admiral, sabi nila bigas means
rice sa english, Ayaw maniwala nung Admiral kaya tinawag nya ang
hepe. Tanong ng Admiral, Chief, in you language what is rice? Sabi
ng Hepe, Inapoy Sir! Preso ngayon ang dalawa.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Jose Surat
Town_City: Alcala pangasinan
Email: secret
Title: secret
Remote Name: 203.213.192.218
Date: Thursday, November 18, 2004


Joke
tanong: anton masamit so agga nakakanit hehehe? sagot: secret ko na
lng yun hhehehe..


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Susan Salanga Caburnay
Town_City: Tambobong, Dasol, Pangasinan
Email: sannescaburn@...
Title:
Remote Name: 210.213.158.120
Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Joke
TEPET:Antoy pandumaan na matakken ya niyog ed matakken ya bii? EBAT:
say niyog egaren da antis ya onlarak. Say akolaw, larakan da, antis
dan egaren.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: EDGAR
Town_City: Seattle
Email:
Title: inihaw na bangus
Remote Name: 142.131.9.141
Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Joke
Sa loob ng klase ni miss Resulto siya ay nagpapagawa sa mga bata ng
ibat ibang drawing at isalaysay ang kanilang mga iginuhit.At isang
sulok aburido si Sergio luga dahil wala man lang siyang maisip
iguhit at liban doon iisa lang ang kulay ng krayola niya at itim
pa.Gayon pa man naisipan niyang gumuhit nang Bangus at dahil wala
siyang ibang kulay maliban sa kaisaisa itim kinulayan niya ngayon ng
itim ang bangus na kanyang ginuhit at napansin naman ni Miss Resulto
at tinong si Sergio kung bakit itim ang kulay ng isda na ginawa
niya. Ang sagot niya inihaw ko na ma'am malapit na ngang masunog
eh...


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Edgar
Town_City: Seattle, Wa.
Email:
Title: Ang Matalinong Ama
Remote Name: 142.131.9.141
Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Joke
ISANG ARAW ANG ANAK AY NAGTANONG SA AMA PATUNGKOL SA KANYANG TAKDANG
ARALIN> ANAK>> ITAY ANO NA NGA BA ANG ENGLISH NG SAGING? AMA>>
MADALI LANG IYAN ANAK EH DI SAGING!!! ANAK>> PUMASOK SA PAARALAN ANG
ANAK AT NG MAKAUWI SA BAHAY SINABI NIYA SA TATAY NIYA NA HINDI NAMAN
DAW SAGING ANG ENGLISH NG SAGING KUNG DI BANANA> AMA>> ANAK KUNG
HILAW ANG ENLISH NIYA AY SAGING PERU KUNG HINOG BANANA!!!! ANAK>>
ANO NAMAN ANG ENGLISH NG PUNONG KAHOY? AMA>> MADALI YAN ANAK EH DI
NARRA!!! ANAK>> PAMASOK ULI SA PAARALAN ANG ANAK AT NG UMUWI AGAD
HINANAP ANG AMA AT SINABI NIYA NA ANG ENGLISH DAW NG PUNONG KAHOY AY
TREE>> AMA>>> ANAK KAPAG IISA ANG ENGLISH AY NARRA PERU KAPAG TATLO
ANG ENGLISH AY TREE!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: mar
Town_City: alcala/fremont,ca.u.s.a
Email: marioisaiah1@...
Title:
Remote Name: 69.107.116.78
Date: Saturday, November 13, 2004


Joke
Did you happen to noticed that people from the country of India they
have this little dot in their forehead. It's come with color red or
black. You know why? Like in their childhood their parents put that
in their foreheads. Then when they come to America they are going to
scratch it. Thats the time to discovered what kind of business that
they are going to have. "A 7-ELEVEN STORE OR A LIQUOR STORE."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: katuwaan lang!
Town_City:
Email:
Title: magpakasal ay di biro!
Remote Name: 80.119.11.162
Date: Saturday, November 13, 2004


Joke
Noong ikinasal si James,kinakanta niya ang PAPURI SA DIYOS,nakaraan
ang limang taon,kinakanta na niya,PANGINOON MAAWA KA!nakaraan na
naman ng limang taon,ang kinanta niya,KUNIN MO O DIYOS!pagkalipas ng
limang taon,ang saya niyang kinakanta ang MAGPASALAMAT KAYO SA
PANGINOON!get ninyo?joke lang!!!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: annie
Town_City: katy tx
Email:
Title: Happy Thanksgiving.......
Remote Name: 67.10.237.112
Date: Thursday, November 11, 2004


Joke
11/08/04 - SEATTLE, WA) — Jones Soda Co. takes the idea of a liquid
diet to a new low. How does Green Bean Casserole Soda strike you?
And how about an aggressively buttery-smelling Mashed Potato Soda?
Even the creators of the fizzy concoctions at this small Seattle
soda company can hardly stomach the stuff. But last year's
unexpected success of the Turkey & Gravy Soda means another round of
bizarre food-flavored soft drinks. As an added bonus -- they're
calorie-free. This week Jones Soda Co. launches a full meal deal of
five Thanksgiving soda flavors, from the bile-colored Green Bean
Casserole to the sweet -- but slightly sickly -- Fruitcake Soda.
Last year's Turkey & Gravy is also back on the menu. If you think it
sounds less than appetizing, you're not alone. "Oh, man, I can't
drink that!" cries out company chief executive Peter van Stolk,
after pouring himself a drink of mashed potatoes. To banish the
buttery aftertaste, he recommends a chaser of Cranberry Soda, the
only one of the holiday bunch that doesn't make you want to pick up
a toothbrush. Drinking last year's savory Turkey & Gravy was no
picnic, either, but that didn't stop people from clamoring for it,
pushing bidding on auction site eBay Inc. up to $63 for a two-bottle
set. This year Jones plans to produce up to 15,000 five-packs of the
12-ounce bottles, which come complete with utensils (a straw and a
toothpick). The sodas may not be as satisfying as a real holiday
meal, but they can boast being both calorie- and carb-free, not to
mention vegan and kosher. Beginning Thursday, they'll be on sale at
some Target Corp. stores throughout the country, and at other
retailers, for between $14.95 and $16.95, with proceeds benefiting
Toys for Tots. Known for its quirky ads and offbeat bottle designs,
Jones traces its roots to a soda distribution operation that began
in 1987. But it wasn't until the mid-1990s that the company began
its own line of sodas, cultivating a following among skaters,
surfers and snowboarders with unusual flavors like blue bubble gum,
green apple and watermelon. These days, Jones soda, juice and energy
drinks are available nationwide at stores including Target,
Albertson's and Safeway. Five tasters were assigned to the task of
perfecting the holiday flavors, although van Stolk said most other
employees ended up trying the sodas sooner or later. In the early
stages, the staff grew deeply divided over mashed potato versus
sweet potato: "It was like red versus blue," van Stolk said,
referring to the recent presidential election. In the end, he called
it for mashed potato, arguing it was the more familiar food. Jones
isn't the only company to find that people have a certain
fascination with foods that make you go "yuck." There's the real-
life version of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, made famous by the
Harry Potter books and featuring tastes like Vomit, Booger and
Earthworm. And millions of Americans regularly tune in to reality
shows to watch contestants eat things like spiders and snails.
Experts say part of the human fascination with such foods is the
omnivore's natural tendency to try a varied diet. But there's also a
certain group of people who are simply novelty seekers who get a
thrill out of more extreme gastronomical adventures, said Virginia
Utermohlen, an associate professor of nutritional sciences at
Cornell University. For those people, she said, the thinking is, "So
long as I know it's not going to kill me, it might be just
interesting." Barbara Rolls, nutritional sciences professor at Penn
State University, said research shows young people are more likely
to try new foods, but she speculates it's not just nature. "It's
that bravado factor," she said. And for some, Rolls added, the risk
will have a reward. "Who knows, maybe it really tastes good," she
said.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: VIRGIE75
Town_City: asingan/washington state
Email: VIRGIE75@...
Title: FAIR AND SQUARE
Remote Name: 66.224.96.137
Date: Tuesday, November 09, 2004


Joke
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a
bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a savings account beacause, it's a lot of money.
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her
into the president's office (after all, customer is always right).
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to
deposit. She replied "$165,000.00"and dump the cash out of her bag
on to his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she
came by all this cash, so he asked her, "ma'am, i'm surprised you're
carrying so much cash around. "where did you get this money?" The
old lady replied, "I make bets". The pres then asked, "Bets?,what
kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000.00 that your balls are square". "Ha!" laughed the
pres, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet". The
old lady challenged, "So,would you like to take my bet?" "Sure,"
said the pres. I'll bet $25,000.00 that my balls are NOT square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of
money involved, may i bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM
as witness?" "Sure" replied the confident president. That night, the
pres got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front
of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and
again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was
absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the
bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 AM, the old little lady
appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The pres agreed with the bet again
and the little old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could
all see. The pres did. The little old lady peered closely at his
balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the
pres, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely
sure". Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
head againts the wall. The president asked the old lady "What the
hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I
bet him $100,000.00, that at 10:00AM today, I'd have the Bank of
Canada's president's balls in my hand."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Long
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Driver na Doling
Remote Name: 170.94.43.242
Date: Monday, November 08, 2004


Joke
Pasahero: Mama,magkano po ang bayad mula dito hanggang doon sa
ikalimang kanto? Driver: Boss,1.50 lang po. Napansin ng pasahero na
doling pala ang driver kaya binigyan niya ito ng piso dahil doling
ay doble-kara, 2 pesos ang tingin sa piso.Pagdating sa kanto ay
humihingi ng sukli ang pasahero. Pasahero:Ma,asan ang sukli ko na
fifty cents? Driver:Sukli? Di ba 2 pesos lang ang binayad niyo?
Pasahero:Sabi niyo 1.50 lang ang pamasahe. Driver: Kulang panga kayo
ng piso dahil dalawa kayo ng kambal mo. LAGOT ...DOBLE DIN PALA ANG
TINGIN NG DRIVER SA PASAHERO.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: ella c.s. of California
Town_City: Bayambang
Email: ipnaiwidstyl_04@...
Title: Laughter,the best medicine
Remote Name: 198.81.26.44
Date: Sunday, November 07, 2004


Joke
(1)"Knock,knock."who's there?"CONTROL FREAK. Now you say,'Control
freak who?' (2)Entering a friends home 4 his weekly poker game,Slick
is amazed to see a dog sitting at d table.He's even more surprised
when d dog wins d 1st hand w/ a full house,and takes d 2nd w/ royal
flush. "This is unreal,"Slick says after d dog wins d next 2
hands."He's got 2 be d only dog in d world that can play like
that." "Aw,he's not so great,"says the host."There's a dog in Vegas
who doesnt wag his tail everytime he gets a good hand."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Arnee
Town_City: Cabanatuan City
Email:
Title: Sexiest word
Remote Name: 212.77.192.62
Date: Sunday, November 07, 2004


Joke
What is the sexiest word? Answer "SUSPECTIBLE" Pronounce each
syllable twice.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Arnee
Town_City: Cabanatuan City
Email:
Title: Naglilihi
Remote Name: 212.77.192.62
Date: Sunday, November 07, 2004


Joke
Hating gabi,ginising ni Maria ang asawang si Pedro at sabi ay
naglilihi siya ng avocado. Sabi ni Pedro "Ling, saan ako kukuha ng
Avocado sa oras n ito, hating gabi na!" Maria "Basta ikuha mo ako ng
Avocado ngayon din!" Unang paglilihi ni Maria kaya isip si Pedro
kung saan makakakuha ng Avocado sa oras na iyon. Biglang sabi ni
Maria "Ling, may puno ng avocado yung kapitbahay natin at parang may
napansin na akong bunga nun! puntahan mo Ling please! Siempre mahal
na mahal nya ang asawa at sabik na ring magkaanak kaya di nakatanggi
si Pedro. Punta naman siya at inakyat yung puno. Di na siya nagdala
ng flashlight para di siya makita ng may-ari. Ang ginawa kapa dito,
kapa doon. Basta korting avocado pitas! Kahit di pa hinog basta
korting avocado pitas! Biglang may nakapa siya at pilit na hinihila,
di niya mapitas. Eh di niya alam na may Kapre pala sa puno at
biglang sabi "Amang! Bayag ko na yan!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city, pismo beach,ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: two priest on vacation
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Saturday, November 06, 2004


Joke
> >Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. >They were
determined to make this a real vacation by >not wearing anything
that would identify them as >clergy. As soon as the plane landed,
they headed for a >store and bought shorts, shirts, sandals,
sunglasses, >etc. > >The next morning, they went to the beach,
dressed in >their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach
>chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the >scenery when
a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde >in a thong bikini came
walking straight towards them. > >They couldn't help but stare. As
the blonde passed >them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father,
>good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each > of them
individually, then passed on by. > >They were both stunned. How in
the world did she know >they were priests? So the next day, they
went back to >the store &bought even more outrageous outfits. These
>were so loud you could hear them before you even saw >them. > >Once
again the two priests settled on the beach in >their chairs to enjoy
the sunshine. After a while, the >same gorgeous topless blonde,
wearing a string, taking >her sweet time, came walking toward them.
> >Again, she nodded at each of them, said "good >morning, Father"
and started to walk away. >One of the priests couldn't stand it any
longer and >said. "Just a minute young lady." > >"Yes," she replied.
>"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to >know, how in the
world did you know we are priests >dressed as we are?" > >You're
going to love this one........... > >The blonde turned around and
replied, "Father, it's >me, Sister Angela," >


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: occasional_surfer
Town_City: Nocal
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 172.199.216.152
Date: Saturday, November 06, 2004


Joke
WOMEN'S TOP 5 LIES: 5)Wala pa akong bf 4) Virgin pa ako 3) oh, ang
laki naman nyan 2) ang sarap pala 1) ikaw ang ama nito!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdanetacity, pismo beach,ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: dating at 60
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Saturday, November 06, 2004


Joke
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That
nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out
with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I
give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my
apartment punctually at 7PM, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine
suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers,then he take me
downstairs what's there but a luxury car . . . a limousine,
uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner. . a
marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner
drinks. Then we go see a show . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I
enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we
are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his
way with me two times!" Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . . so you
are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "No, no, no . .
I'm just saying, wear an old dress."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sally
Town_City: Canada
Email:
Title: Ordering Pizza In 2008
Remote Name: 24.66.94.144
Date: Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Joke
This is close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008 that
we're not sure how funny this really is .......... Operator: .. .
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: ...Hi, I'd like to place an order. Operator: ... I must
have your NIDN first, sir. Customer: .. My National ID Number, yeah,
hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.. Operator: .. Thank you Mr.
Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and your phone
number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is
745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is
<http://us.f131.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose To=sheehan@...>.
Which number are you calling from, sir? Customer: .. Huh? I'm at
home. Where'd you get all this information? Operator: .. We're wired
into the HSS, sir. Customer: .. The HSS, what is that? Operator: ..
We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add 15
seconds to your ordering time. Customer: (sighs) .. Oh well, .. I'd
like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas. Operator: ..
I don't think that's a good idea, sir. Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: ... Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate
that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high
cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an
unhealthy choice. Customer: .. What?!?! .. What do you recommend,
then? Operator: .. You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure
you will like it. Customer: .. What makes you think I'de like
something like that?? Operator: .. Well, you checked out "Gourmet
Soybean Recipes" from your local library last week, sir. That's why
I made the suggestion. Customer: .. All right, all right. Give me
two family-sized ones, then. Operator: .. That should be plenty for
you, your wife and your four kids. Your two dogs can finish the
crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99. Customer: .. Lemme give you my
credit card number. Operator: .. I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid
you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its
limit. Customer: .. I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash
before your driver gets here. Operator: .. That won't work either,
sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also. Customer: .. Never
mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will
it take? Operator: .. We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be
about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to
pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying
pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward. Customer: .. Wait!
How do you know I ride a scooter? Operator: .. It says here you're
in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your
Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
Customer: .. Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%@# Operator: .. I'd advise
watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003
conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in
September for contemp at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh
yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the
State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your
return to society? Customer: . (speechless) Operator: .. Will there
be anything else, sir? Customer: .. Yes, I have a coupon for a free
2 liter of Coke. Operator: .. I'm sorry sir, but our ad's
exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to
diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for
calling Pizza Hut....


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Mar
Town_City: Alcala/Fremont,Ca.U.S.A
Email:
Title: woman and her pig
Remote Name: 69.107.126.216
Date: Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Joke
A woman and her pig cathes the bus for a ride one day going into the
city. The fare collector or "konductor"asking for all the passenger
for their fare before they reached their destination. The lady with
pig give her fare to the collector. The collector told the lady that
her fare is not enough. The lady asked him why her fare is not
enough? The collector pointing at the pig and said "what about him?"
The lady answered him back pointing at the pig and said "why don't
you asked him!"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: the priest and the late politician
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Thursday, October 28, 2004


Joke
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years
in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the
congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little
speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say
his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of
the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had
been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered
my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when
stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had
stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business,
had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD
to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that
my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine
parish full good and loving people."... Just as the priest finished
his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He
immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll
never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the
politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go
to him in confession." Moral Lesson : Never be late!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: ISAIAH
Town_City: ALCALA/FREMONT,CA.
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 69.107.132.91
Date: Wednesday, October 27, 2004


Joke
This is about a game of football between the largest animals and
smallest insects on earth.......and the scores after 3rd quaters the
largest animals leading by the score of 100-0. At start of fourth
quarter the coach of the insects call for substitution time-out. He
call for the sentipede to go play defence. The animals call for run
play and give it to the "hippopotamus"and the sentipede tackle him
for no gain. Again they call for another run play and give it to the
elephant. The elephant run it and sentipede tackle him for no gain.
Everybody were amazed what the sentipede did. The coach asked
him"where you been for the last three quarters?" The sentipede
repplied"well coach,I'm busy putting on my shoes".


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: The Baptist Bra
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Tuesday, October 26, 2004


Joke
A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City.
He told the saleslady, " I would like a Baptist Bra for my wife,
size 36B." With a quizzical look the saleslady asked," What kind of
bra?" He repeated, " A Baptist Bra" She said to tell you that she
wanted a Baptist Bra, and that you would know what she wanted." "Ah,
now I remember" said the saleslady. "We don't get as many request
for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately wanted the
Catholic bra, the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra type."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked " So, what are the
differrences?" The saleslady responded. " It is all really quite
simple. The Catholic type support the masses, The Salvation Army
lifts up the fallen, and the Presbetyrian type keeps them staunch
and upright." He mused on that information for a minute and
asked, "So, what is the Baptist type for?" "They," she
replied, "make mountains out of molehills."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Mar
Town_City: Alcala/Fremont,Ca.U.S.A.
Email:
Title: PREGNANT MOSQUITO
Remote Name: 69.107.139.12
Date: Sunday, October 24, 2004


Joke
One day the mosquito said something to the elephant@@@@@@. All of
the sudden the elephant collapse. You know what the mosquito said to
the elephant?"I'm pregnant and your the father".


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: u
Town_City: iraq
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 82.214.197.125
Date: Sunday, October 24, 2004


Joke
use curtain and a kitchen in a sentence. sagot:honey huwag mong
curtain masakitchen.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Nurses report
Town_City: Alziemers Unit
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 68.148.250.150
Date: Sunday, October 24, 2004


Joke
An old man, Mr.Goldstein was living the last days of hi life in a
nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Barton asked if there was something wrong. "yes, Nurse Barton"
said Mr. Goldstein, "My penis died today and I am very sad. "Knowing
her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she
replied, "oh I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my
condolences. The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the
hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse
Barton, "Mr. Goldstein" she said, You shouldn't be walking down the
hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas, "but
Nurse Barton" replied Mr. Goldstein, I told you yesterday that my
penis died." "yes you did tell me that , but why is it hanging out
of you pajamas?" asked Nurse BArton, Well, he replied "Today's the
veiwing...


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 24.152.190.172
Date: Sunday, October 24, 2004


Joke
To U: Basahin mo ang nakasulat sa baba ng "Just Funny
Jokes" "nothing dirty, just funny please"............


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: u
Town_City: iraq
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.58.96.78
Date: Saturday, October 23, 2004


Joke
ano ang pagkakaiba sa panty at sa ulap. ang pagkakaiba ng panty at
sa ulap pag hawiin mo ang ulap ulap pa rin.pag hawiin mo naman ang
panty nasa langit ka na.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: u
Town_City: balad
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.58.96.78
Date: Saturday, October 23, 2004


Joke
use parachute in a sentence. parachute is a device use by the
airbourne.mali yan. parachute.honey huwag kang malikot para chute


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: u
Town_City: balad
Email:
Title: toronto
Remote Name: 64.58.96.78
Date: Saturday, October 23, 2004


Joke
use toronto in a sentence toronto is one of the riches country.mali
toronto,pare ko anong niluluto mo lumpia ba yan?hindi toron to


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: To U
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Continuation ng Patigasan ng Ulo
Remote Name: 24.152.190.172
Date: Friday, October 22, 2004


Joke
Pumunta po kayo sa "Discussion Board" at puro ilocano ang mga nan
dodoon. Ale eh' napaka titigas po ng ulo at 'di masabihan
ng "ENOUGH!!!" Kahit po 'yung nag sasabi ng Enough! po eh di mapigil.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: me
Town_City:
Email:
Title: patigasan ng ulo
Remote Name: 213.112.86.19
Date: Friday, October 22, 2004


Joke
may isang patimpalak na pinamagatang ""patigasan ng ulo"" at may
apat na kalahok yong isa bisaya,tagalog,panggalatok at saka
panakahuli yong ilokano....naunang tinawag yong bisaya at may dala
syang isang niyog at bigla nyang ipinukpok sa kanyang ulo nawasak
ang niyog at palakpakan ang mga tao at pangalawang tinawag ang
tagalog at lumapit sya sa pader at biglang inuntog ang uli nya sa
pader nabutas ang pader sigawan ang mga tao at tinawag ang
pangatlong kalahok si panggalatok at may kasama sya na may dalang
pamalo at biglang ipinalo sa kanyang ulo naputol ang pamalo
palakpakan ang mga tao at huling tinawag ang ilokano at nakalimang
tawag na sa ilokano hindi pa rin sya umaakyat sa intablado nagagalit
na ang host at sinigawan ang ilokano ayaw pa ring umakyat...sino sa
tingin nyo ang nanalo??????siyempre ang ilokano dahil sa sobrang
katigasan ng ulo...


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: Tragedy prior to hurricane Frances
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Thursday, October 21, 2004


Joke
A husband and wife were on their way to Carribean to celebrate their
50th wedding anniversary as a gift from her loving husband. Both
were in the view deck when suddenly a huge wave hit the ship and
shove ashore. Paramedics were dispatched and arrived 5 minutes
later. Checked every passengers luckily only several have serious
injuries and no casualties noted. Husband was located by paramedics
wrapped with a fishnet with a broken hip and several bruises, wife
was nowhere to find. the Captain ordered the Navy, Coastguard and
the Marines to search and rescue. After 5 days, 24/7 of extensive
search and rescue,they recovered her body embedded between a big
rock and a shell at the bottom of the ocean. The Captain phoned the
husband at a local hospital where he was recovering from his hip
surgery. The Captain said, "Sir,I have bad and good news, bad news
is your wife didn't make it. and the good news is, we recovered her
remains and in order to recover her body we have to crack the shell
then we found a pearl worth of 50 thousand dollar. What do you want
us to do?" In deep thought the husband replied, "Bring me the pearl
and send the trap back?"


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Mar
Town_City: Alcala/Fremont,Ca.U.S.A
Email:
Title: "MAKINILYA"
Remote Name: 69.107.129.123
Date: Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Joke
*Tatay>>>..anak sabihin mo sa nanay mag-mamakinilya ang tatay mo.
*Anak>>>..inay sabi ni itay mag-mamakinilya siya. *Nanay>>>..sabihin
mo sa tatay mo na pula pa ang tinta okey. *Anak>>>..itay sabi ni
nanay pula pa ang tinta. *Nanay>>>..anak sabihin mo sa tatay mo
puede na siyang mag-makinilya. *Anak>>>..itay sabi ni nanay puede na
kayong mag-makinilya. *Tatay>>>..sabihin mo sa nanay mo kinamay ko
na!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Makabayan
Town_City: Pangasinan
Email: angapo ni amo
Title: The Dagohoy Story
Remote Name: 205.188.116.22
Date: Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Joke
I 'm not sure if you guys have read this already. Just to be sure
you don't miss it. Quite hilarious though. THE DAGOHOY STORY > > It
was the first day of school in Washington, DC and > a new student
name Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino > immigrant, entered the fourth
grade. > > The teacher began, "Let's review some American > history,
class. Who said 'Give me liberty or give me > death?'" She saw a sea
of blank faces, except for > Dagohoy's who had his hand up, "Patrick
Henry, > 1775." "Very good," said the teacher. > > "Who
said 'Government of the people, by the people, > and for the people
shall not perish from the earth'"? > Again, no response except from
Dagohoy: "Abraham > Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863," he said. > > The
teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should > be ashamed, Dagohoy
who is new to our country knows > more about our history than you
do." > > She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the >
Filipinos." "Who said that?" she demanded. Dagohoy > put his hand
up. "General John Pershing, Manila, > 1896." > > At that point,
Jack, another student says, "I'm > going to puke." > > The teacher
glares and asks, "All right! Now who > said that?" Again Dagohoy
answers, "George Bush, Sr. > to the Japanese Prime Minister during
the state > dinner, Tokyo, 1991." > > Now furious another student
yells, "Oh yeah? Suck > this!!" Dagohoy jumps out of his chair
waving his > hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his >
voice, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval > Office, 1997!!"
> > Someone shouts, "You little shit if you say anything > else,
I'll kill you." Dagohoy yells, "Congressman > Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy, > Washington, D.C., 2001!" > > The teacher faints. "I'm outta
here!" mutters one > student as he sidles to the door. "President
Gloria > Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City, December 30, 2002!!" >
Dagohoy responds. > > As the class gathers around her on the floor,
> someone says, "Oh shit, now we're really in big > trouble!"
> "Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Bhagdad, May > 2003!"
Dagohoy bellowed. > > "Now, I really have to run," Jack mutters,
heading > for the exit., "Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, > Pampanga,
October 4, 2003!!!" Dagohoy shouts > triumphantly jumping with glee.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 207.126.221.70
Date: Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Joke
yeah im very happy about my BMW car model 99,it has only 2 doors
dark blue,at natatakbo nya lang is 39,564km


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Mar
Town_City: Alcala/Fremont,California
Email:
Title: "APPLES"
Remote Name: 69.107.121.31
Date: Monday, October 18, 2004


Joke
One day a man walking down the street and he saw a sidewalk vendor.
He saw sign that says "apple for one dollar". The man said to the
vendor,"what so special about that apple and its so expensive." The
vendor told him"well this apple is special and it taste like peanut
butter and jelly. The man said "okey give me one then and he took a
bite and said "oh ya! You are right it taste like peanut butter and
jelly! The vendor took another apple and said this one is going to
cost five dollars each. The man said"what so special about that
apple? The vendor said"well this one,it taste like ham and cheese."
The man said,okey give me one and took a bite and said"oh ya! You
are right it taste like ham and cheese. The vendor took another
apple and said this one is very special and its gonna cost you fifty
dollars each. The man asked what so special about this apple? The
vendor said"this one it taste like pussy". The man said"okey give me
one and took bite and said,it taste like shit! And the vendor told
him,"try the other side"!!!!!.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Dakongking
Town_City: Madagascar
Email: agamulagat@...
Title: curtain
Remote Name: 66.91.150.211
Date: Monday, October 18, 2004


Joke
Blonde Needs Curtains Badly A blonde goes into a store that sells
curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of
pink curtains." The salesman assured her that they had a large
selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the
blonde seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, she
selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size
curtains she needed. The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches." "Fifteen
inches," asked the salesman, "that sounds very small. What room are
they for?" The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they
are for my computer monitor." The surprised salesman replies, "But
Miss, computers do not need curtains." The blonde says, "
Hellooooooooo - I've got Windows."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: WARNING FOR COFFEE LOVERS
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Sunday, October 17, 2004


Joke
Recent study shows that 98% of coffee drinkers will be at risks of
inflicting cancer, higher risks are women between the ages of 18-50.
Amreican Cancer Society says that too much caffeine / coffee will
put women in danger. So husbands and boyfriends be gentle when
serving your beloved ones. Just give them in moderation because too
much Coffee-pisil, Coffee-pirit, Coffee-pindot, Coffee- pressure,
Coffee-finger will put them on higher risks.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: arch. noel malicdem
Town_City: jeddah, k.s.a.
Email: ncm478@...
Title: English the Saudi way ...
Remote Name: 212.138.47.12
Date: Sunday, October 17, 2004


Joke
Tagalog : Gaano ka katangkad ? English : How much is you ? Isang
signboard ng construction company : Al Mahmood- for civilian and
carpentary works (ano kaya yun!) (civil and carpentry works daw!)
Tagalog : dati wala ako kotse naglalakad lang ako. English : Before
I have no car I go by the walk. Tagalog : Kung alam mo daan, bukas
magkita tayo.Paano kita makikilala? English : If you understand the
road, tomorrow I am look you. What is your face? Sa aming opisina :
Kabayan : Hello, Mr. Awed where is Mr. Salem ? Secretary : He is go
in the bank and comeback after 30 minutes. After 30 minutes ….
Kabayan : Hello, Salem there now ? Secretary : He is rich (reach)
now. ( dumating na daw siya naging mayaman pa!) Signage ng isang
Interior design company : Al Guthmi – for Enternal Works and
Decoration. Kabayan : Where is Madam Buba ? Lady : She is go now.
(umalis na daw siya) Isang araw niyaya naming isang katrabaho sa
opisina para kumain sa bahay: Kabayan : Mr. Samir, come and eat us
in our house. Mr. Samir : It is my pleasure thank you very much.
(aba masaya siya!) Bagong gupit ako semi kalbo pa e napansin ng
kaopisina kong babae: " Mr. Noel, where is your head? " (ewan ko
kung ano hinahanap niya!) Kabayan : (sa cellphone) I'll wait you
here or I am go ? Lebanese : You are stay, I am reach you there
after 10 minutes. Secretary : Hello, who is you ? Kabayan : I am He.
(lalaki daw siya) Kabayan : Hello, fax tone please. Secretary :
Sorry Sir, he's out for lunch. Salem Omar : You know we have a big
project before it's a big comfort room ( Ibig niya
sabihin "conference room" ) Mr. Samir : Mr. Noel, you like Jewish?
(juice daw ) Mr. Noel : What do you mean juice or Jews? ( kasi hate
ng Muslims and mga Jews) Muslim greetings : Mr. Ibrahim : Asalam
alaikom ! Kabayan : Malayko dikoalam! (Perfect!) Sa isang parking:
Mr. Awed : Where I'm going to bark (park) my car? (sa Arab
walang `p') Kabayan : Bark here . . . . aw ! aw! aw! aw! Kabayan :
So you're going to Dubai for three days . . . Saudi Lady : Yes ! and
it's all company's expedition (expenses daw!) Anong oras na daw? Mr.
Khalil : How much is your time ? Prints and signage that makes you
……! Al- Bolbol Merchandising- Ladies garments Al- Tae Milk Minsan
nagyabangan and isang Kristiyano at Muslim Kristiyano : I believe
that we have only one God . . . .blah! blah! blah! Muslim : It's all
the same because God will make calculation in what you do. (
calculation – huhusgahan!)


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: five kinds of orgasm
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Saturday, October 16, 2004


Joke
>>>1. Positive: OH YES!! OH YES!! >>>2. Negative: OH NO!! OH NO!!
>>>3. Confused: OH NO!OH YES! OH NO!OH YES! >>>4. Vowels of
Alphabets: AH, EH, IH, OH, >>>> UH, AH, EH, IH, OH, UH. >>>5. Very
Religious: OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

http://www.pangasinan.org/pangasinan.html

"Just Funny Jokes"
...nothing dirty, just funny please!
Archived Page >>> June-August04
Submit Your Jokes Here!     Back to Main Message Board


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: A smart innocent kid
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Tuesday, December 07, 2004


Joke
A Nun teaching Sunday School, was speaking to her class one Sunday
morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven
which part of your body goes first?" Suzie raised her hand and
said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands,
Suzie?" Suzie replied: "Because when you pray, you hold your hands
together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!" "What
a wonderful answer," the Nun said. Johnny raised his hand and
said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." With a strange look on her
face, the Nun said, "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your
legs?" Johnny said, "Well, when I walked into Mommy and Daddy's
bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air
and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her
pinned down, we'd have lost her."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: SMM
Town_City:
Email:
Title: HIGH TECH
Remote Name: 66.91.39.16
Date: Tuesday, December 07, 2004


Joke
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a
beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping
stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he
says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes
later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When
he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip
in my hand."The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of
the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper
extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm
getting a Fax," he explains.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: cyclone3
Town_City: mangatarem
Email:
Title: New Policeman
Remote Name: 66.185.84.69
Date: Monday, December 06, 2004


Joke
A salesman, tired of his job,gave it up to become a
policeman.Several months later,a friend who used to work with him
asked how he liked his new role. "Well" he replied,the pay is good
and the hours are not bad, what I liked best is that the customer is
always wrong.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: mar
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 69.107.138.176
Date: Monday, December 06, 2004


Joke
Do'nt eat SALT,because it's A-SIN.{ASIN}


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: California
Town_City: Clovis
Email:
Title: This is True
Remote Name: 63.165.209.18
Date: Monday, December 06, 2004


Joke
A college student at a recent USC football game challenged a senior
citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their
generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world,"
the student said . loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today
we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the
Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy,
electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed
processing .... and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause in the
student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have
those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little
twit! What the [edited] are you doing for the next generation??" I
love senior citizens!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Laughter is the Best Medicine
Remote Name: 66.91.39.16
Date: Friday, December 03, 2004


Joke
I don't have a joke, but I just want to say I really like "Lolo Sa
U.S. Embassy" Thank you so much, it is really funny. All the other
jokes are funny as well. Keep them coming, "Laughter is the Best
Medicine".


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: California
Town_City:
Email:
Title: How to get the family together for Christmas
Remote Name: 63.165.209.18
Date: Friday, December 03, 2004


Joke
An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you
talking about," the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each
other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each
other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister
in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls
his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a
divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix
immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting
divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a
thing, YOU HEAR ME?" and she hangs up. The old man hangs up the
phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for
Christmas and paying their own way."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Chestnut
Town_City: santa maria pang.
Email:
Title: Lolo at US Embassy
Remote Name: 12.146.133.137
Date: Friday, December 03, 2004


Joke
"...To be happy, don't do whatever you like, but like whatever you
do. Happiness comes not from having much to live on, but having much
to live for." U.S. EMBASSY A 70 year old 'lolo' from the province
was accompanied by his grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his
VISA interview. The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson
translated for him. The consul told the young man to ask his
grandfather why he wanted to go to the States. "Bakit daw ho ninyo
gusting pumunta sa Amerika?" the grandson translated. "Sabihin mo
gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon." "He said he wants to see
his children there." Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application
indicated. The consul had another question. "Ask him, why does he
have to go there? Why can't his children just come and visit him
here?" The grandson translated this in Tagalog. Lolo replied:
Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang
Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."
Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They have seen
the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die."
The heartless consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any
emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application because the
applicant was unable to speak a word of English. "Reject daw yung
visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles." The lolo was
equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag mong
papalitan ang sasabihin ko. Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh
hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog." Translated: "He said: you
son of a bitch, how come you are here...you do not know how to speak
in Tagalog." Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul
relented and approved lolo's visa application pronto. IT PAYS TO
HAVE A FIGHT", RIGHT? GO, LOLO!!!!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Christine Arenas
Town_City: Federal Way Wa
Email: christinearenas@...
Title: THE KNOCK KNOCK JOKE
Remote Name: 198.81.26.80
Date: Thursday, December 02, 2004


Joke
WOMAN:KNOCK-KNOCK? MAN:WHO`S THERE? WOMAN:AKO MABA MAN:AKO MABA WHO?
WOMAN:DI YOU TAKE A BATH YET?


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: aubrey
Town_City: Aloha State
Email:
Title: Affairs
Remote Name: 4.27.74.38
Date: Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Joke
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day,
their passions overcame them and they took off for their house,
where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the
wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man
threw on his clothes,he told the woman to take his shoes outside and
rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless
complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you
been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I
can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and
we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake
up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and
said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" Second Affair
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the
son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got
pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months
later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had
ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he
could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful
daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and
asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled
sweetly and said, "Not this time!" Third Affair Jake was dying. His
wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She
held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying
roused him from his slumber He looked up and his pale lips began to
move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush my love," she
said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his
tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." "There's
nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all
right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I
slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your
mother!" "I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "let the poison
work


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city-pismo beach, ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: cowboy
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Joke
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in he realizes it's a gay
bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the
name of your willy?" The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of
that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I
can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for
instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down
at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really
Satisfies.' " The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells
him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks
the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud,
what's the name of yours?" The man looks back and says with a
smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella
proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!'"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who
happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you
guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and proudly
exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One" " Then he adds, "Have
you driven a Ford lately?" The guy next to him then says, "I call
mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!' " And gives a wink! Even more shaken,
the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name
for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and
exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer" The
bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why Secret?" The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH
FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: mar
Town_City: alcala/fremont,ca.
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 69.107.130.7
Date: Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Joke
There's two women down the street. Do you know which one is the
hooker?....The one from I-DA-HO!(IDAHO).


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: maiyaw-awam
Town_City: mapok-pokaw
Email:
Title: ENGLISH LITERATURE
Remote Name: 205.56.129.101
Date: Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Joke
English Class.. The teacher said, used DEFENSE and DEFEAT in a
sentence. A student who just came from the P.I. name Juan
replied.. " The dog jumped over THE FENCE THE FEET first".


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: cris marania
Town_City: rosales/new jersey
Email: cris_marania@...
Title: A POLISH MAN
Remote Name: 67.85.68.200
Date: Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Joke
A polish man married a canadian girl after he been in canada a year
or so and,although his english was far from perfect,theygot on very
well.Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorse for him-"very quick."The lawyer said that
the speed for getting divorse would depend on the circumstances and
asked him the ff question: LAWYER: have you any grounds?
POLE:JA,JA,acre and half and nice little home,3 bedrooms.
LAWYER:"No,"I mean what is the foundation of the case? POLE:"It made
of concrete,brick and mortar,"he responded. LAWYER:"Does either of
you have a real grudge?" PLOE:"No," he replied," "We have two-car
port.Dont need grudge. LAWYER:"I mean,What are your relationship
like? POLE:All my relationship in Poland." LAWYER:is there any
infidelity in your marriage?" POLE:"Yes,we have hi fidelity stereo
set & DVD player wiht 6.1 sound.We don't all the time like music,but
i answer yes." LAWYER:No,I mean does your beat you up? PLOE:NO,I
always up before her. LAWYER:is your wife a nagger? POLE:NO,she
white. LAWYER:Why do you want a divorse? POLE:She going to kill me.
LAWYER:What makes you think that? POLE:I got proof. LAWYER:What kind
of proof? POLE:She going to poision me. She buy a bottle at the drug
store and put on shelf in bathroom.I can read---it says,"Polish
Remover."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: enos
Town_City: urdaneta city, pismo beach,ca
Email: enospatacsil@...
Title: Sem Ting
Remote Name: 66.215.60.112
Date: Monday, November 29, 2004


Joke
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the
Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and
sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. "Hans
Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he
walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the
counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans
Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The
tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right
here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like
Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago
when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation
Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and
go, "What's your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me
and go, "What's your name?'" "I say, Sem Ting."


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: me
Town_City: iraq
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.58.96.78
Date: Monday, November 29, 2004


Joke
ano ang pagkakaiba ng Jeepney at ng babae? //yong Jeepney pag
sinasakyan lalong sumisikip at yong babae naman pag sinasakyan
lumuluwang.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Highway 54
Town_City:
Email: fishpond600@...
Title: Dalawang Ilocano ayaw pahalata
Remote Name: 212.138.47.20
Date: Sunday, November 28, 2004


Joke
Dalawang Ilocano na ayaw pahalata na Ilocano,
it so happen na yung isa nagtitinda ng mangga
at yung isa ay bumibili.

Ilocano 1 : Magkano yung tinda mong Mangga?
Ilocano 2 : Ten pesos ang isa!
Ilocano 1 : Mahal naman, Kap-puros ba yan?
Ilocano 2 : Oo, May Tutot pa!
Ilocano 1 : Bakit, Ilocano ka ba?
Ilocano 2 : Bakit, Madlaw ba?


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Lambong
Town_City:
Email: didiay@...
Title: Undergraduates
Remote Name: 198.81.26.44
Date: Sunday, November 28, 2004


Joke
"Undergraduates"

Student 1: Gusto kong mapangasawa kapag nakatapos tayo ng
college "doctor"
Student 2 & 3: Bakit?;,
Student 1: Kasi inject lang ng inject
Student 2: Ako gusto kong mapangasawa " accountant",
Student 3 & 1: Bakit?;,
Student 2: Kasi enter lang ng enter
Student 3: Ako simple lang "Bisaya",
Student 1 & 2: Bakit?;, Kasi matigas ang dila………
Joke lang po – no offense……


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sidney Soberano
Town_City: Manassas, Virginia
Email: ssoberano@...
Title: Hot Tea
Remote Name: 129.174.194.122
Date: Saturday, November 27, 2004


Joke
(This one happened awhile back in a plush Manila Cafe restaurant in
Makati.)
Couple: Vacationing back home with the family and went to the
restaurant together with some relatives.
Waiter: Sir, ano po ang order ninyo?
HIM: Hot tea ang gusto ko.
HER: Ako din, hot tea. Relatives: Ordered their own food and started
eating.
HIM: Ang tagal naman nung hot tea ko.
HER: honey, baka he is very busy with all the orders.
AFTER several minutes, the waiter came back to the table with
NO hot tea but a full plate of pansit.
Waiter: Sir,ito na po ang order ninyo.
HER: Excuse me, ang order ng aking darling ay HOT TEA not pansit.
Waiter: Sorry po, kasi ang dinig ko ay HATI. LOL.LOL.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sidney Soberano
Town_City: Manassas, Virginia
Email: ssoberano@...
Title: Lolang Mayaman at ang SUV.
Remote Name: 129.174.194.122
Date: Saturday, November 27, 2004


Joke
(Note: I am sharing this true to life conversation I've heard from
my brother-in-law's wife about her mom who is 83 years of age.)
Couple: They bought an SUV 2001 and the next day, the old woman
heard the son-in-law about the 2001 vehicle. Lola Rose: Asked her
daughter about the price of the car 2001 and since she loved very
much her son-in-law, instructed her daughter to get the cheque and
to pay the car. Daughter: Mommy, you don't have to do that to him,
we can manage to adjust our budget. Lola Rose: I have to help him
because he really works hard for the family. Daughter: Huwag na
mommy at kami na ang bahala. Lola Rose: Sige na, don't stop me as I
just wanted to make him happy and I will issue a cheque in the
amount of $2,001.00. LOL.LOL. LOL.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Joker
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Ang Sulat
Remote Name: 68.145.3.200
Date: Saturday, November 27, 2004


Joke
Anak, Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam kong mabagal ka
ring magbasa. Nandito na kami sa Estados Unidos para bantayan ang
bagong biling bahay ng kapatid mo. Pero hindi ko maibigay sa iyo ang
address dahil dinala ng dating nakatira ang address para daw hindi
na sila magpalit ng address. Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa
Manila. Dalawang beses lang umulan sa linggong ito, tatlong araw
noong una at apat na araw noong pangalawa. Nakakainis lang ang mga
paninda dito katulad nun nabili ko na shampoo dahil ayaw bumula.
Nakasulat kasi "FOR DRY HAIR" kaya hindi ko binabasa ang buhok ko
pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik ko sa Walmart at magrereklamo
ako. Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa bahay dahil
ayaw bumukas ng padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay "YALE", eh aba namalat na
ako sa kasisigaw ay hindi pa din bumubukas. Magrereklamo din ako sa
nagbenta ng bahay, akala nila hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog
ng "YALE", wise yata ito! Mayroon nga pala akong nabili na magandang
jacket at tiyak na magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo
sa "Federal Express" medyo mahal daw dahil mabigat ang mga butones
kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga butones at
inilagay ko na lang sa bulsa ng jacket. Ikabit mo na lang pagdating
diyan. Nagpadala rin ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo,
hindi ko na pinirmahan dahil gusto ko na maging anonymous donor.
Nakakahiya naman kung ipagkakalat ko pa. Ang kapatid mo palang si
Jhun ay may trabaho na dito, mayroon siyang 500 na tao sa ilalim
niya. Nag-gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa memorial park, okey naman
ang kita above minimum ang sahod. Nakapanganak na rin pala ang ate
baby mo, hindi ko pa alam kung babae o lalake kaya hindi ko pa
masasabi na kung ikaw ay bagong uncle or auntie. Wala na akong
masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na lang ng madalas. Love, Papa p.s.
Maglalagay sana ako ng pera, kaya lang ay naisara ko na ang
envelope. Next time na lang ha?..


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: iloko
Town_City: maiyaw - awan city
Email: mapokpokaw
Title: vendors
Remote Name: 195.235.180.15
Date: Thursday, November 25, 2004


Joke
In a remote town and province of Pangasinan there were two sidewalk
vendor trying to sell there goods. The first vendor yelled
saying "kulambo, Kulambo". Right after the first vendor finished
yelling the second vendor start yelling "Sira Sira". All the
suddened the first vendor start cursing to the second vendor while
he comes by and confront the second vendor. The second vendor don't
know why the first vendor was so mad at him so he ignored him and
because he just wanna sell his goods so he keep yelling "Sira Sira".
Finally, the first vendor found out the word "Sira Sira" in local
dialect means Fish... Moral lesson learned the history and culture
of a certain placed before you come by and visit thats make you out
of trouble.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Lambong
Town_City:
Email: didiay@...
Title: Barber
Remote Name: 198.81.26.44
Date: Thursday, November 25, 2004


Joke
There is this good old barber in some city in the United States. One
day a postman goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to
pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept
money from you. I am doing community service." The postman is happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open
his shop, there is a thank you card and a stamps waiting at his
door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot
accept money from you. I am doing community service." The cop is
happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open
his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at
his door. A Filipino software engineer goes for a haircut and he
also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber
replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing
community service." The Filipino software engineer is happy and
leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
guess what he finds there: Can you guess? Do you know the answer
yet? Come on, think like a filipino. a dozen Filipinos waiting for a
free haircut!Happy thanksgiving........ Happy Thank


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From:
Town_City:
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 198.81.26.44
Date: Thursday, November 25, 2004


Joke


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Taga-galarin
Town_City:
Email:
Title: Tonsil..
Remote Name: 210.5.81.223
Date: Thursday, November 25, 2004


Joke
the leading sperm cell was goading the other cells behind him to
make it faster.. Leading cell: Apurayo agagik, pelesan nyoy
unlangoy.. Asenger tila ed destinasyon tyo, ja ed "ovaryo". Second
cell: Ovaryo???? Animal, kwanmo asenger la... arawe ni balet....
Wala tilabat ed tonsil.....


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sidney Soberano
Town_City: Manassas, Virginia
Email: ssoberano@...
Title: Bring it inside!
Remote Name: 129.174.194.122
Date: Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Joke
The first one and this one too happened out of the blue. I've been
used of driving back and forth for 4 hours one way to drop and pick
up our eldest son, Benzon to/from his college dormitory every
weekend. Our Benzon wasn't driving during that time yet. And the
story goes this way:////Dada: Tired of driving for 4 hours and
wanted to go to the restroom. Benzon: Do you want me to put gas now?
daddy? Dada: Yes, and told him that I have to go to the restroom and
then to buy something. After he was done pumping gas, then he went
inside and asked me. Benzon: What do you want me to do with the car?
Can I just leave the car there? daddy? Dada: If you want, you can
bring it inside? lol.lol.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Sidney Soberano
Town_City: Manassas, Virginia
Email: ssoberano@...
Title: Artificial Plant!
Remote Name: 129.174.194.122
Date: Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Joke
While cleaning the house with my youngest son, Royce who at that
time was only 15 years of age; I happened to ask him to help me
moved all the plants. One of those plants was an artificial one and
out of nowhere, he asked me. (Note: The delivery of this one was
done in a timely manner.) Royce: Where will I put this one, daddy?
Dada: Put that one there and this one here. Dada: Also, you have to
move that one also. Royce: Which one? This artificial one? Dada:
Yes, you're right. Royce: What will I use to water this artificial
plant? Dada: Of course, you have to use an ARTIFICAL WATER. lol.lol.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: Rochelle Limon
Town_City: Vancouver, canada
Email: sweetchelle0407@...
Title: ala lang...
Remote Name: 24.69.255.242
Date: Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Joke
ano ang pagkain na mabilis maubos??...... sirit?? e di fasta
wehhhhh ... heheeh e ano naman ang pinaka mabilis na pagkain na
madaling maubos?????/ ..... e di sofas.... hehehhe


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------

From: SAAA
Town_City: Villasis
Email:
Title:
Remote Name: 64.174.7.191
Date: Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Joke
Few years ago one of the president in USA was Ronald Regan ok. Joke
and one of our grandfa wanted to become US citizen. He needed to
study. When he was ready to become US citizen he decided to apply,
then when he received his schedule hw was so happy finally he take a
challege inteview to become US citizen. Here , we go grandfa was
already there nervous waiting to call his name. When he was there he
was excited but when he found the question was only one but he was
not sure the answer. He said nag-regatten ! then the person 'US
consulate' said congratulation your answer correct. Then the grandfa
was not sure why the said congratulation and he knows did not answer
the question correct. So grandfa when home told his family why the
said congratulation his answer was wrong... finaly was figure was
the President was REAGAN sound like nag-regatten (ILOCANO). got my
joke's


---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------