--- In nichirenshubuddhism@yahoogroups.com, "kiwismith009" <kiwismith009@...>
wrote:
>
> Hello everyone! First off, thank you for reading my post! I am wondering if it
is the Buddha-way if you were to completely cut off a person that used to meant
so much in your life? Becuase that person done so many horrible things and you
just discovered it just now (lying, cheating for 5 years, verbally abusive, on
different occasions the person grabbed my wrist and shirt collar so tight, and
called my a stupid b****).
>
> I want to let go of such a person, but I find myself so weak, for I realized I
love that person more than myself. So, how can I change this dark path and walk
the other way through buddhism? I tried forgiveness, but I can not forget, I
keep wanting to run back to that person (this is our 6.5 year), but I feel I am
still very ignorant, please help me with your advices on what to do. Thank you.
>


In Buddhism there is an exercise for cultivating loving-kindness. The exercise
always begins with arousing a feeling of loving-kindness for oneself. This is
not selfishness - the Buddha recognized that if we don't have a feeling of
loving-kindness at least for ourselves then we will not be able to genuinely
feel it for others - though attachment, dependency, and other such feelings
might be mistaken for loving-kindness. The Buddha called these the
"near-enemies" of loving-kindness because they resembled it and were mistaken
for it but were actually just part of the problem.

It is not selfish to protect yourself (physically, emotionally, etc...) and to
in fact protect the other person by no longer allowing them to be abusive.

You can certainly chant for the other person's well-being and that they awaken
to their own responsibility and the nature of their own causes and shape up. But
the best cause for you to make may be to do it at a safe distance.

Bodhisattva Never Despise in chapter 20 of the Lotus Sutra greeted everyone as
Buddhas and they abused him verbally and even physically. He did not stick
around to let them crucify him. Instead, he retreated to a safe distance because
in that situation it helped no one for him to allow them to hurt him.


Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,
Ryuei


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