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KATRINA UPDATE 7
By Sherry Stultz
<sherjs@...>
Thursday, September 15, 2005

I have been trying to get back to Mississippi this week, since the water was
declared potable, but life seems to keep knocking me around and I needed a
few more days rest after Abbey died on Monday. I read the recent NHNE news
report <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9935> about the
doctors in New Orleans who euthanised terminally ill patients and what an
emotional struggle it was for them to make that decision; we understand so
little about death because we are often removed from the event, but it is a
horrible, helpless thing to watch -- a loved one wasting before your eyes. I
have never had to make a decision about a pet before.

Abbey was my dog and she was nearly thirteen. Monday she was listless and
had not been able to have a bowel movement for two days; she was just too
weak to do it. Monday was the second day of no poop and I knew there was a
chance something might rupture since the last time she went there was blood
in her stool. I didn't sleep Sunday night before because I had this sense it
was time and I just could not let go of her. She filled in so many gaps in
my life, as pet companions often do, and I felt her loss like that of a dear
friend.

Dianne's mother asked if I wanted them to take her to the vet. I said no and
wrapped Abbey in towel and drove her in my lap to the Riverside Animal
Hospital. I needed to feel her warm furry body close to me for as long as
possible. She was completely quiet in the car and I wept the entire journey.
I wanted some affirmation from the vet's office that it was or was not time,
but I knew when the vet tech came in the room and Abbey didn't raise her
head to notice her that it was time.

They asked if I wanted to leave the room and I said no and requested they
make the injection while she was resting in my lap. I signed a paper and
they lifted Abbey's head and looked for a vein in her foreleg. I looked away
and closed my eyes as they slipped the needle into her vein. The vet tech
kept her hand over mine. It was a kindness that did not go unnoticed. I saw
Abbey headed up the trail, spry and fit, loving her dogness, sniffing about
like she did the years we spent in Idaho. They asked if I wanted her
cremated and I said no and asked if they had a box. I explained to the
veterinarian that I wanted to bury her myself. I had picked a spot in
Dianne's enchanted forest a few days before and it was agreed Abbey could
rest here in Georgia. I waited until I got home to open the box and I felt
so relieved to know she was gone from her cancer-ravaged body. The stress of
watching her deteriorate over the last three weeks had formed a permanent
tightness throughout my shoulders.

I had planned to bury Abbey alone, but asked Astra just in case she wanted
to be a part of it; she declined citing exhaustion from preschool and her
requisite cartoon time. She and I picked out some flowers from the florist
section at Kroger's and I went back to prepare Abbey's body for burial. I
know we don't necessarily prepare our dead anymore in this country, but
perhaps we should. It was significant ritual I never realized I would want
until the time came to bury Abbey.

Astra patted Abbey's body goodbye and said she would miss her while she was
in the spirit. I set out to dig the grave and Miss Frances' old shovel was
not up to the job. I called Dayne and said he'd be right over with his new
shovel. I started clipping the flowers for her body. I thought I would dig
alone and that therapy would be good for me, but as Dayne and I experienced
the tree roots were formidable and the soil was rocky. He did most of the
digging until I realized he was spent. I started digging, too and the job
landed me flat on my butt in a grove of poison ivy when a rock and the
shovel made contact and the rock was the greater force. Dayne ushered me
into the house to wash off the poison ivy (I am very allergic to it) and I
came back in time to begin arranging Abbey's body in the grave, with the
flowers nestled about her. Dayne starting filling in the grave and quietly
spoke of ashes to ashes and dust to dust. I finished covering her grave with
the last bits of dirt and Dayne requested spots filled in more here and
there for even surface. I was lucky he had been home, otherwise who knows
how long and frustrating it would have been that afternoon. Maybe burials
are a two-person job.

Closure was the important thing for me and even though I was scared and
uncertain I am glad I was there for all the steps. It's given me the courage
to keep going and resettle my life somewhere else.

We ignored the hurricane. No one could conceive it would be as bad as it was
or that it was even coming for us when the radar so ominously showed the
sinister eye hovering in the Gulf of Mexico. Abbey's death has reminded me
that life is everywhere, all the pieces and parts of it, ugly, beautiful,
frustrating, and exhilarating. You can choose to see them or not.

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PREVIOUS KATRINA POSTS FROM SHERRY:

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 6 (9/9/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9923

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 5 (9/7/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9913

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 4 (9/3/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9882

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 3 (9/2/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9874

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 2 (9/1/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9860

SHERRY STULTZ: KATRINA UPDATE 1 (8/31/2005):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nhnenews/message/9845

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Published by David Sunfellow
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