----- Original Message -----

From: Tojo

To: nde@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2012 10:42 AM

Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...

LOL....OAP is Old Age Pensioner as we call them in England......

Tojo

-----Original Message-----
From: Linda <el-stewart@...>
To: nde <nde@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:29
Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...

 



Dear Tojo,

As my grandparents, then my parents died, I inherited many things.  I find, as time goes on, that I am giving away more and more to my children.  I keep a few because they bring up happy memories.

    What is OAP?  And what do you mean that you don't have that long left here? Have you been told something?

    A happy thought for me is that all the beautiful people here that I know only through their words and occasional pictures, I will someday get to be with!  Even now, even though there is physical distance, I feel everyone as close as my breath and with such love.

Love,

Linda

----- Original Message -----

From: Tojo

To: nde@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2012 7:35 AM

Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...

Hi Valerie,

I don't want to upset or offend but I find it strange how you feel comfort from material items.  Having belonged to this group for years I have changed how I think of this world.  This world is not real....only when we leave our ungainly bodies we really live.  

I am now an OAP....well...next month I receive my first payment.....I don't have that long left here and am excited to leave when the time comes.  I am slowly distancing myself from my possessions etc.

I take comfort from the thought that if we don't meet in this world we will in the next!!!!

With Love

Tojo

-----Original Message-----
From: valerie <valerie120bb@...>
To: nde <nde@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 9:04
Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...

 

From Valerie,   Dearest john, it is lovely to hear from you, yes, truth hits hard after a loved one passes away, I also have kept many items of my loved Mothers possessions, cannot bare to part with them, even have her false teeth, albeit because the funeral home couldn't get them in her mouth after she died, she would have hated not to have them in at her passing, I still have all her little clothes, she was a tiny little lady, I have her glasses, handbags,lipsticks,powders, slippers,coats, everything apparel, of hers, I treasure her dresses, and combs etc, and when lonely as I often am, I go and sit by her clothes and feel her closeness to me, I am a funny little sod,ah,ha. You know I could never stay in an empty house, not even as a child, I had to run out as I had panic attacks very easily, but after my Mothers death I spent many a night in my car outside an all night garage, with my dog. Or went to friends houses and sat talking to them all night, the y were night owls just as well, they also well one was a manic depressive, and she would have the gas fire on all night and the TV so I luxury also. But later on IU could bare to stay at home,I just take a 1/4 serapax tablet, this wipes me out at night so morning comes round and I can cope again. I HATE being alone, really do, but I know my Mothers spirit is in this house, and sometimes I hear her call me. TRUE no lies. And often smell her perfumes, and I cannot afford any perfumes as my animals and horses take up all my money in feed & keep, mind you that has been my Saviour the animals, no time to become too down.NEVER think you are annoying, I LOVE to hear from you, I holed you in Great Respect, also as a good Friend. Bless you and may your days be much easier as time goes on. I often talk to my parents, in here, and get comfort in the doing. After all they are only in the next room,in spirit.   Kindest thoughts, and thinking often of you.     Valerie.         -------Original Message-------   From: John Schofield Date: 14/02/2012 1:34:38 AM To: nde@yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...     Greetings, Valerie !   And thanks so much for your message.   I've always understood how isolated you must have felt there in Oz.  From what you say, your Dad must have been problematic to say the least of it, yet you've never really given up on him.  And Iget an impression that even if neighbors are a bit 'distant' - even snooty in their attitude- it doesn't beat you down ultimately.   I can understand the huge clearance problem you face all too well.  And so many items have a very poignant effect when you remember somebody's pleasure,or even their sheer cussedness,  in purchasing them.   I've 'flown' over your area a number of times courtesy of Google Earth, and admired the broad avenues and spacious-looking homes.  Course, I've applied the same exercise to various places in America also  -and while I always cherished a dream of huge prairies, creeks and mountain ranges, I have to admit that, in all probability, I wouldn't have handled things any better.  In any case, as age creeps up,you need to downsize and somehow fade into the background, chameleon-like....   It's surges of unreality that sweep over me right now.   Luckily, I have good insight into such matters, realizing that they're a testing time for all of us.   And it's not as if you have to look around too far to find innumerable people facing up very bravely to really harrowing circumstances as everything seems to be mocking them with meaninglessness.     Too, I have the advantage that I don't really have to think of hanging around here all that long .  Populations are said to be ageing and living longer, but with what quality of life, I often wonder.   Your Mom lived to a fine old age; and I'm happy to know that she played such a fine part in yourlife.  My folks walked on in their 70's - and since I'm reaching the end of my 70's right now, there's no reason why I shouldn't follow suit.  Time was when people would tend to think of longevity almost strictly in termsof what sickness befel their parents.  Actuaries, the guys who play about with statistics for lfe insurance companies, probably still use their math and statistics to some effect,  though I get the impression that there's more involvement on the part of Big Pharma nowadays - certainly where the provision of numerous potent or even placebo meds. are concerned.   I've been having to riffle through as many documents as I can find; and I've just about concluded that I'd best (politely) hand over to the lawyer the various items in hopes that he'll sort it out for me.    I simply can't find any original wedding certificate for a start.  All I have is a copy dating from 1959, which indicates a period of divorce running from 1980 to 1995 (about which, believe me, I knew nothing !)  and  Registry Office remarriage in that year.   Patricia was much given to impulsive action.  She would grab all mail before ever I saw it - hence my ignorance concerning the divorce.  She explained after all that time, when she was about to be admitted to hospital on a truly awful high, that she had been annoyed about the way a coat had been cleaned and just walked into an office to file for divorce.  And there was high drama when she phoned the Doctor's office to tell him she proposed to stab me with a wicked-looking kitchen knife.  I thought the doctor would arrive post haste, but it turned out to be two burly cops.   It's amazing to think that all this sort of thing could take place so many years after the unfortunate disappearance from Montreal, which effectively ended any hope I entertained of remaining, and moving around some, in North America.   As I look back from today, I note that she had been bedridden for some six years with a condition that was both progressive and neurologic in character, and most likely to have been the ultimate factor in her death, since she could eventually barely reach out for food and drink -indeed, refused each of these.  Had to accompany her into hospital innumerable times to deal with dehydration,, for example.   I put all the bizarre behavior down to the bipolar condition.   I knew well enough that she did a fantastic job as a nurse, both in hospitals and in public health.  She just worked at a dizzying pace and with indescribable determination, and was just about burnt out ultimately.   Glad I was there right to the end, even though it was more by way of a vigil than a visit for much of the time.   Among the mounds of bric-a-brac here there are at least 12 doll's houses, which she worked on frenetically over time.  Sad thing is that she simply never gave herself time to enjoy home amenities or items such as these for very long.   Something or other would grab her energy constantly..    I'm minded presently toremain here like a recluse-by which I don' t mean a miserable recluse,  and leave everything upstairs just as it is.   Stronger folks than I will undoubtedly clear it all away in time.  Meanwhile, I have a simply furnished living-room ( now cleared of hospital equipment ) and a small kitchen.     The laptop's a godsend, while I have a radio from which I can choose programs which appeal to me, along with headphones to use late at night  (don't sleep very much - so they may throttle me sometime as I doze off).   Didn't want to lumber you with all this !   Hope you haven't found it too boring !   Love  - and of course lots of expperiences in common really -   from John...... Silent Companion...     BELATED APOLOGIES TO NDE MEMBERS- MISTAKENLY THOUGHT I WAS WRITING PRIVATELY.  SPOTTED MY ERROR ON HITTING 'SEND'.....       From: valerie <valerie120bb@...> To: nde@yahoogroups.com Sent: Monday, February 13, 2012 12:14 AM Subject: Re: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...   From Valerie,   Yes, I understand your words, it is HELL when a loved one dies, who has been a big part of your life, I was never married, but lived with my parents, until they died, my sister married at 22 years of age, couldn't get away quick enough, quarrels always dominated our family home in UK, and her in Oz. My Father had the most volatile of tempers, often no cause but he loved to dominate us, jump how high? But I am a rebel, I do not jump, well at the time of my Fathers life we all jumped. But that said, I loved my Father, and if he walked in now I would be so happy. My Mother lived until nearly 93 years of age. She was the most gentle, loving, kindest person one could ever has the fortune of meeting. Everyone LOVED her for her beautiful ambience .  She tolerated me superbly, and was always so kind, even when I was very ill with ulcerative colitis, so kind to me, and believe me I was a mess, then. Taking vast amounts of Kaolin & Morphine to quell the pa ins and terrible diarrhea. Well now you know. But a MIRACLE happened, and I had an instant cure, and that is a killer disease. Lonely yes, it is lonely here, even with all my toys, like piano, organ, TV, music centre,dogs,cats,chickens,etc,etc,etc. When I get really down hearted, and it is often, I go into the garden if not raining, and pick up all the goose feathers, as he moults a lot, or chickens. That calms me down, or I do weeding etc. Or go out an annoy a friend with a visit. Good to have a car(well I have 3 at present all gone wrong). A feast or famine as they say. I recently had a good clearing of junk so that was good, gave away a EUMIG projector to a friend,and am going to have a Garage Sale ASAP. Still heaps more to get rid of. I am rearranging the furniture that's good therapy. But when I am down hearted I cannot even now nearly 12 & 1/2 years on since my Mothers Death bare to get rid of any of her clothes, they still hang in her wardrobe, and even her bed  was until a few months ago, still with the same blankets, etc, as when she left this Planet.  I am a sentimentalis t by nature. So John I do understand how alone you are feeling, even though when a certain person who might cause much angst is gone, one misses that way of life tremendously, and even yearns for the aggro to return NOW. I wrote numerous poetry after my Mothers death, but I will tell you it was the TRUTH when she came back and visited me and told me she was very,very happy, and I was not to worry. She looked so well, I daresay one day soon Pamela will come to you, and let you know how happy she is. It is on the cards, for no matter how often we reproach ourselves, and ask ourselves, did we always do the kind deeds we intended to? Well, we can only do our best. And many don't even try to do that, but YOU did, we all carry disappointments in our lives, one way or another, but basically we try to be good and kind and loyal, now that's you all over, yes you will feel alone now, because the busy life you had to attend to hospital visits etc, are now not needed, so you must fill i n that time with what you need now, are you interested in Steam Trains? I daresay you are, there are wonderful Clubs in Wales for the steam train Cardiff and such. Hoping you will soon feel more in tune with your life, hey, I'm cluttered here also, all memories of yesteryears, and what was, but no longer is, we only ever live for 1 day, 1 day only, we cannot live for yesterday, that's past, or tomorrow, that may never come, we only have today.   Kindest thoughts,  Valerie.   If I lived nearer I could visit you. Ha,ha I bet after awhile you would lock the gate.         -------Original Message-------   From: Wahaliedoda Date: 02/13/12 04:30:01 To: nde@yahoogroups.com Subject: [nde] A kind of paradox in my perceived duty toward others...     During this time of mourning the loss of my wife - which, I promise you. I shall *not* keep posting about - I have been undergoing a pretty harrowing time. We were both elderly/old !- at age 78 - no kids - no other family members -unlike so very many people whose family may be decimated in, say, some accident in the prime of life. Harrowing as I survey the one room I inhabit, seemingly closing me off from the 'ordinary routines' of life in the neighborhood and elsewhere. Additional to that- artefacts everywhere, with their associations- and guilt at the thought that, having gained considerable insight into the nature of manic-depression, or bipolar disease, there was many a shouting-match, initiated as often as not by me. No joking: it's kinda comparable to being involved in some sort of anguished ante-mortem life review at this time. I've just realized that, as one who promulgates the truth of nde and it's implications whenever reasonably possible, I should be at least plausible in the manner of some kind of preacher man, cuz I'd just *hate* to wind up like a quivering jello in the presence of any genuinely interested person. It's not that I'm leading a hectic social life; but you *do* meet up with some individual or other from time to time. I suspect this, even this, to be a form of egoic behavior. I put it to you, the jury. Love from John.....Silent Companion...