Salamo alaikom...
I am a member of this group from very long time now and this is my first post. I am a revert of 5 years now. When i embraced Islam it was from my own decision and i did not let my husband knew that I reverted to Islam coz I know he will not let me...I hide everything from him and i can do it coz he worked to far place and we just met twice a year... and 3 years ago he went to Canada so we just talk online. So it gave me all the freedom to practice my religion.
Three months ago , he found out that i became a Muslimah and he got angry with me and accused me of so many things which really hurt me so badly. He made a statement that he will go back to me ( he said that he will separate from me) if I will leave Islam. I asked him to convert to Islam too but he strongly refused it. Right now he does not talked to me anymore... we are separated now and I don't want to go back to my old life... to my old religion
(catholic).
Bro, tell me what to do... all our married life I was dependent on him, I was a housewife... right now, i am really devastated for what happened but I don't want to go back to him anymore... Is it my fault that we separate? what did i do wrong??
I know i was making a big sin for not leaving him coz he is a kaffir though I tried to asked him to convert too . I hide from him my being a Muslimah because I don't want to ruin everything, to hurt my children. But now it is all not in my hands anymore, though I am praying to ALLAH swt to make it easy for all of us. Please brother I want your opinion about this.. shokran.
ps pls post anonymously
As-salamu Alaikum Sister,
I am often asked this question and for this reason I have decided to give a very detailed explanation to your questions and questions that are of a similar nature, so that both you and others can InshaAllah benefit I.
Firstly I have to make clear that I cannot express my own opinion. I can only say that which is in line with what Allah and His Messenger peace be upon him say. No Muslim should express their own opinions as any ones own opinions can be right or wrong. However what Allah and His Messenger say is always right.
What Allah and his Messenger peace be upon him says is not always palatable for people. Especially for those who have not given their heart completely to Islam and submitted to Allah's will completely.
Islam means submission or surrender of ones will to Allah. Allah asks a person to completely enter Islam and not dabble here and there and pick and choose what bits he/she wants to follow and leave out what he /she does not want to follow. When a person completely submits to Allah then they become a perfect Muslim and taste the true sweetness of Islam.
Alhamdulillah you have understood that being with a kaffir man is a big sin but unfortunately others do not understand this or their hearts do not want to accept this. For this reason I will try and address this issue too and a few others even though they may not be relevant to you but they will help others InshaAllah.
.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe” [al-Baqarah 2:221]
.
and again
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]
For this reason when non Muslim women converted to Islam they were separated from their husbands by the Prophet peace be upon him.
t.
For Example
Zaynab, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
She was married to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ during the Jaahiliyyah, but when she became Muslim, their marriage was annulled, and she went and stayed with her father (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When her husband became Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent her back to him.
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1143; Abu Dawood, 2240; Ibn Maajah, 2009; classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, 1789. Al-Tirmidhi said, there is nothing wrong with its isnaad).
Al-Qurtubi said:
Talhah ibn ‘Ubayd-Allaah was married to Arwaa bint Rabee’ah ibn al-Haarith ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib. They were separated by Islam, then in Islam Khaalid ibn Sa’eed ibn al-‘Aas married her. She was one of the [Muslim] wives of the kuffaar who fled to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kept her in Madinah and married her to Khaalid.
(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/65, 66)
There are many other examples were the a women converted to Islam and they left their husbands during the Prophets peace be upon him's time.
There was a case however of a woman converted to Islam yet she did not leave her husband immediately after conversion. She sought permission from the prophet peace be upon him to stay with her kaffir husband for a short time because she was very confident that he will convert to Islam after she explains to him Islam. She may have heard about few days ago or a few hours ago and it made sense to her and being a reasonable and intelligent women she realised she must convert to Islam because it made sense and her pervious religion which involved maybe idol worship or worshiping a man god did not make sense. She may have known that her husband has a similar personality to her self in that he also likes to follow what is sensible and leave what makes no sense at all and she knows how to get through to him. Thus if she spends a few days why Islam is the truth and why his religion is false, he is very likely to agree and convert to Islam.
There are people today when you tell them about Islam they convert within a short while but there are others who will refuse to convert even when they can see Islam is the truth. They may refuse for many reasons, their fear of society, their loyalty to their family or nation, their arrogance and hate of Arabs or their unwillingness to give up evil ways, their self worship in that they think they know what is best for themselves and possibly a few other reasons. Their heart becomes so hard that nothing can penetrate it. They become dumb, deaf and blind when it comes to the truth.
As I said her case was a special case because she knew that her husband was very likely to convert after she explained Islam to him for a few days.
There a sister cannot stay with her kaffir husband if she is not extremely sure that he will convert to Islam after a few days of telling him about Islam. Even the Prophet peace be upon him's daughter and other Sahabiyat left their kaffir husbands and yet in some cases their kaffir husbands became Muslim even with the iddah period. They did not have the surety that the other women had of their husbands converting to Islam.
New Muslims sisters must realise that sometimes when a sister leaves her kaffir husband, it can cause him to miss her much and he may say to himself " she left me for this Islam even though she loved me so much. What is so special about this religion and he may start to research Islam from an open mind rather than a closed mind if she stayed with him " That is all that is needed for a person to look at Islam from an open mind, in order to be guided by Allah to Islam.
However this does not mean that a Sister can remain with a husband because she thinks he will have a closed mind to Islam if she leaves him.
Some people have merely said oh God guide me with a sincere heart and they have be guided to Islam by Allah.
So the Islamic rule is that a sister who converts to Islam cannot stay with a kaffir husband unless she is maybe 99 percent sure that he will convert to Islam after a short period of time after she has explained to him why Islam is the truth and all else is false. Even then she should have no sexual contact with him until he converts as she is not his wife. The marriage to a kaffir becomes annulled when she converts to Islam. However if he becomes Muslim within the iddah period then he has more right to her. But if the Iddah period is over and he converts after the Iddah period then she can marry whomever she wishes.
Al-Tirmidhi said:
On the basis of this hadeeth, the scholars said that if a woman becomes Muslim before her husband, then her husband becomes Muslim whilst she is still in her ‘iddah, then the husband has more right to her whilst she is still in her ‘iddah. This is the view of Maalik ibn Anas, al-Oozaa’i, al-Shaafa’i, Ahmad and Ishaaq.
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadeeth 1142).
Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:
There is no dispute among the scholars concerning the fact that if a kaafir woman becomes Muslim then her ‘iddah ends, her husband has no rights concerning her if he has not become Muslim during her ‘iddah.
(Al-Tamheed, 12/23).
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
But what the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) indicates is that the marriage comes to a halt. If he becomes Muslim before the end of her ‘iddah, then she is (still) his wife, but if her ‘iddah ends, then she may marry
whomever she wants. If she likes, she can wait for him, and if he becomes Muslim she is his wife and there is no need to renew the marriage contract.
(Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/137, 138)
Al-Qurtubi said:
Talhah ibn ‘Ubayd-Allaah was married to Arwaa bint Rabee’ah ibn al-Haarith ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib. They were separated by Islam, then in Islam Khaalid ibn Sa’eed ibn al-‘Aas married her. She was one of the [Muslim] wives of the kuffaar who fled to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kept her in Madinah and married her to Khaalid.
(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/65, 66)
It was reported that Anas said: Abu Talhah married Umm Sulaym and the mahr between them was Islam. Umm Sulaym became Muslim before Abu Talhah. He proposed
Often when scholars, those involved in dawah and Muslims in general are asked questions about certain issues by non Muslim we feel that we must give an answer or we will look stupid. There are questions which can be answered is following way.
For example some one says can a Muslim woman be married to a kaffir man. Answer is obvious. We say no. and we can provide the above verses and hadiths to prove that it is haram for a Muslim woman to stay marry a kaffir man and thus such a marriage is not valid and if they have sex it is considered as fornication.
However when a some asks why can a Muslim woman not marry a kaffir man then the problem arises. Often we assume that the person will not accept our answer of saying "It is because Allah and his Messenger has prohibited it"
Even if we say this they will ask but why has your religion prohibited it.
Now the reality is we do not know for sure why Allah has prohibited this. So many Muslims and even scholars have given tried to dig deep into their own wisdom and tried to come up with a hypothesis. Some have said it is because a Kaffir man will not allow a Muslim wife to practise her religion, This may very well be true in some cases but in others it may not. However this is scholars opinion without any backing from Quran nor hadith. There have been other hypothesis too.
However some fools (even if they are scholars) and the Munafics (those pretending to be Muslims) have used the basis of a hypothesis and the misuse of the incidence were a sahabiyat was allowed to stay with her husband in order to persuade him to become Muslim as a basis for making what Allah made haram as halal.
They say if a kaffir man allows his Muslim wife to practise her religion then she can remain with him. However Quran and the Sunnah is clear that a Muslim woman cannot be married to a kaffir man. Scholars hypothesis are not the basis of Islamic rulings. A scholars hypothesis cannot over rule the two revelations (ie the Quran and the Sunnah)
What we say about the foolish Muslim?
They are simply fools with books in their hand and heads and lack common sense.
Yet the Munafics we can say that they have an agenda and that is to destroy Islam brick by brick. They want to take people away from Allah's laws. They work day and night to mislead the Muslims. That is their job.
The Munafics have infiltrated even Islamic organisations and even set up certain organisations. In the hope that they can mislead Muslims away from Islam and get them to commit haram and even kufr.
End of part A
As I mentioned earlier i wanted to get this topic done once and for all. I received an email from another sister who seems to have met up with possible munafics and she had the wrong ideas about this topic. So now that I have cleared this part issue
The answer to teh secound part in brief would be leave him and get away from him and if in future he converts to islam u can marry him. Ur in canada and they have a fairly good welfare system and u can claim whilst ur looking for a job.
InshaAllah i want to make a detailed secound part to this to clear up some very important things and I will due that in possibly this weekend as there are many emails that on the website to do and also very busy with work.
Alhamdulillah Over past few weeks I have received many emails from people who are thinking of converting to Islam on my website www.muslimconverts.com.
Sister Jehad I have decided to do your question in similar detailed and the problem u mentioned has to be tackled in a detailed way not the usual way that some people tackle that problem. So inshaAllah i will do your email as soon Inshaallah but i will require more information and ill email u on that.
Also I request every one pray for the well being of baby killian
Also for those who r new to the group . If u want to answer questions then your welcome but they will only be posted to members if the answers are authentic (after I have checked them).
take care
walaikum salam
AbuUbaida
group owner.
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