Quote: They are the innocent onlookers caught up in their parents' bitter
conflict. But research suggests children of separating couples usually want
to have some say in post-marital arrangements - they just don't want to be
forced to choose between their parents.

http://www.theage.com.au/national/children-eager-to-have-say-on-custody-study-20\
090622-ctzp.html

The Age (Melbourne)
23 June 2009

Children eager to have say on custody: study
By Carol Nader

They are the innocent onlookers caught up in their parents' bitter
conflict. But research suggests children of separating couples usually want
to have some say in post-marital arrangements - they just don't want to be
forced to choose between their parents.

The extent to which children are involved in making decisions about where
they live and how much time they spend with each parent depends to some
extent on how much their parents allow it.

But an Australian study suggests that although most children want to be
part of the discussion, they concede that it puts them in a "difficult
position".

They were unwilling or unable to choose between their parents because they
were concerned about the consequences of choosing, particularly about being
unfair or upsetting one of their parents. Only in cases involving
allegations of violence or abuse did children have strong views about
choosing between parents.

Most parents thought it was reasonable for their children to have a say,
but about half thought children were possible victims of manipulation by
the other parent or, less commonly, "potential manipulators".

Co-author Patrick Parkinson, professor of family law at Sydney University,
said it was important to listen to children's voices and understand how
they were experiencing the separation. But the ultimate decision should
rest with the judge or parents, not the child, he said.

"We were struck by how overwhelming the view of kids was that they wanted
to have a say," he said.

"Don't ask children to choose but listen to their world."

And although judges are split about the appropriateness of children
speaking directly to judges about their wishes, almost all children said
that they should at least have the opportunity to do so, even if they
personally did not want to.

The study, published this week in the journal Family Matters, is based on
interviews with 90 parents and 47 children and teenagers.

The views of 20 Family Court judges and Federal Court magistrates, as well
as lawyers, family consultants and mediators, were also sought.

Under the Family Law Act, children's views have to be considered by the
judge, but the study says there is a paradox.

"The more weight that is given to children's views, the greater the danger
that they will be exposed to pressure from parents and manipulation, and
the more they are likely to experience damaging loyalty conflicts," it says.

Professor Parkinson said a balance had to be found between involving them
without getting them caught up in loyalty conflicts.