Finding the Positives of Cancer
One Survivor's Story of Self-Discovery

Article date: 2005/07/11



"I want to be a shining example of what a survivor is. I want to let
others know, 'I did it and I'm OK!' "




December 26, 2002, is a date Pam Matthews is unlikely to ever
forget.

On that day, as she and her family were out and about exchanging
Christmas gifts, Matthews got a call on her cell phone. It was from
her doctor's office, telling the 33-year-old mother of two she had
stage III breast cancer.

Matthews could not believe what she was hearing. "I had no family
history, didn't do self-exams. I didn't think it happened to people
my age," she recalls thinking.

The Caregiver Becomes the Patient
One year earlier, both of Matthews' sons (now ages 7 and 12) and her
husband had been diagnosed with a form of spina bifida, a spinal
cord disorder. She became the glue that held her family together as
they worked through what she recalls was "a very rough year."

Although she had been feeling extremely tired, she simply chalked it
up to taking care of her family. But then she discovered a lump in
her breast and went in for a mammogram. Upon learning that she had
breast cancer, the roles were suddenly reversed. Matthews remembers
thinking, "Here I am, the Rock of Gibraltar for my family, and then
everything turned."

Just as she had been there a year earlier for her family, they were
with her every step of the way. She remembers her husband telling
her, "We'll get through this like we have everything else."

Since Matthews' cancer was already stage III (it had spread to lymph
nodes, but not other parts of the body) when it was discovered, she
decided to have a mastectomy, which was followed by 8 months of
chemotherapy. Matthews also ended up having to take a year off from
work -- a year in which every week, someone from her office would
drop by with food and would spend time just visiting.

"I was fortunate to have just an amazingly supportive employer and
co-workers," she says.

Matthews credits her son Ben with teaching her how to be a good
patient. In addition to having spina bifida, Ben was previously
diagnosed with a cyst on his brain and spent many of his early years
in hospitals and with doctors.

"Everything I learned about being a good patient, I learned from my
youngest son," Matthews says. "My family was really integrated into
the medical world, so that helped a lot. … It made that part of it
not so scary."

Matthews admits, though, that it was a big change for both of her
sons.

"My little guy was used to being in the bed and being the patient,
not seeing Mommy in the bed," she says.

'Chapters from the Book of Pam'
While the love and support of her family was invaluable, Matthews
also found journaling to be especially helpful before, during, and
after her treatment.

"I really just found it hard to communicate with people," she
says, "telling my same story over and over again. I found it easier
to journal my feelings."

Once a month, Matthews shared her journal entries via email to
family and friends under the title "Another Chapter from the Book of
Pam." Her entries had humorous and catchy titles such as "Finding
Chemo" and "Miracle Grow." With each chapter, Matthews says, "I
would storytell experiences that enlightened with laughter,
encouraged people to believe along with me that I would be OK."

Friends on Matthews' email list would then forward her emails to
their friends. With a click of the "send" button, she would quickly
receive return emails of support and encouragement, emails of
appreciation for sharing her story, and emails asking her to "write
more!" She was amazed at the outpouring of support, from both
friends and complete strangers all over the country.

Setting an Example
Matthews' personal cancer experience made her realize several
things. One was that her diagnosis really scared people.

"They would look at me and wince, thinking 'that could be me,' " she
remembers. It was then that she found her mission -- to make people
understand that her cancer "was not the end but a beginning."

Matthews shares her optimistic spirit and positive outlook through
her work as a Reach to Recovery volunteer. She matter-of-factly
says, "I feel like I was meant to have cancer for a reason -- to
help other women."

Matthews' diagnosis also made her realize that she was a role model
for other cancer survivors. She recalls one of her office visits to
get her chemo when she was feeling down and completely exhausted --
and everything from the expression on her to face to the way she was
dressed conveyed how badly she felt. Waiting in the office that day
was a woman there for her first chemo treatment.

"I remember her looking at me and the fear in her eyes when she saw
how I looked," Matthews recalls.

It was at that moment Matthews realized she had the opportunity to
be what she calls "a walking advertisement of what's possible." So
now, when she goes in for her check up every 3 months, she makes an
effort to look as good and be as "up" as she can.

"I want to be a shining example of what a survivor is," she says. "I
want to let others know, 'I did it and I'm OK!' "

Finding the 'Can' in Cancer
Through her experience as a survivor, Matthews even adopted a
personal mantra -- find the CAN in cancer. It's a mantra that she
encourages other survivors to adopt.

"I had cancer, but I CAN make a difference, I CAN grow," she
explains. Matthews also wants to remind survivors that "there is a
light at the end of the tunnel. Treatments and technology are
changing every day and it's all to our advantage."

Survivors can empower themselves through education, she emphasizes.
Education allows people to take control of their treatment
decisions, she says, although she stresses it's important to get the
information about their type of cancer from reputable sources.

"You don't have to be an expert," she says, "but it's an
overwhelming experience and you just want to have a starting point
to learn about your cancer and the treatment options you may have."

'Ramping Up for Re-entry'
Currently cancer-free, Matthews admits that the past few years have
been incredibly challenging ones for her and her family, yet she has
worked hard to keep positive and optimistic.

And now, as she continues her journey as a cancer survivor, she
offers these words to others like her: "Ramp up for your re-entry
into the atmosphere. Your life will change, but you can make the
best of it!"