Best Divorce Letter!!!

Dear hubby:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.. I've
been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for
  it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Wife
P.S. don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Read on


------------------------------

Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my games so much because they drown
out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
'You look just like a boy!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away
from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you &
  felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets
to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason,
I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman).........I hope that's not a problem

----------------------------
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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A fewminutes later, a
big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in theseat next to him
and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel alittle airsick, but
he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go tothe bathroom. He knows
he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sittingthere, looking at the
big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the planehits an air pocket and
an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through thelittle guy. He can't hold it
in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy'schest. About five minutes later
the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees thevomit all over him. "So," says the
little guy, "are you feeling betternow?"


Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned aroundand
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Aconcerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "Thepilot was
bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flightattendant, "and
it took us a while to find a new pilot."


Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It'snot because
of the film's content, it's because the people in the film areeating better than
the people on board.


A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchenlistening to her
son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heardher son said,
"All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, causethis is the
last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, getyour asses in
the plane, cause we're going to take-off now." The mother went inand told her
son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I wantyou to go to
your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you comeout, you may
play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language." Twohours later, the
son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with hisplane. Soon the mother
heard her son say, "All passengers who are deplaning,please remember to take all
of your belongings with you. We thank you for flyingwith us today and hope your
tr ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly withus again soon." She hears the
little boy continue, "For those of you justboarding, we ask you to stow all of
your hand luggage under your seat. Remember,there is no smoking on the plane. We
hope you will have a pleasant and relaxingjourney with us today." As the mother
began to smile, the child added, "Forthose of you who are pissed off about the
TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitchin the kitchen."


-----------------

www.alltypeofinfo.com

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Though a little anti French, these anecdotes are good . . . .
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when
Charles de Gaulle decided to pull out of NATO. De Gaulle said he wanted all US
military out of France as soon as possible..

Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here?

You could have heard a pin drop.
************************************

In England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the
Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire
building by George Bush. He answered by saying,

'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women
into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.

The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those
that did not return.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

************************************

At a conference in France where a number of international engineers were
participating, one of the French engineers came into the room saying 'Have you
heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to
Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.

What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear
powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have
three cafeterias with the capacity to feed over 3,000 people three meals a day,
they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each
day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and
injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does
France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

************************************

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from
the U.S. , England , Canada , Australia and France . At a cocktail reception, he
found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel
from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French
admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages,
Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to
speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the
Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to
speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

************************************

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible! Americans always have to show a passport upon arrival in France !"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help
liberate this country, I couldn't find a single

Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

************************************

Baap Says:

Beta - Maine Tere Liye Ek Ladki Dekhi Hai

Woh RupWati,

BhagyaWati,

SarasWati Hai



Beta Says:

Bap - Per Main Ek Ladki Se Pyar Karta Hun Aur

Woh GarbhWati Hai

----------------------------

Father watching F T V , suddenly son came.

Father: gareeb ladkiyan hain, kapde lene k liye bhi paise nahi hain,

Son: jab isse bhi gareeb aaen to mujhe bula lena...

-------------------------------------------------

www.alltypeofinfo.com

Judge: Why do you want a divorce?
Husband: She does not satisfy me in bed.
Judge: Is it correct?
Wife: Sara mohalla khush hai, bas isike hi nakhre Hai.

Father went to school for getting report of his son.
Father: Madam kab dengi aap report?
Teacher: Periods khatam hone ke bad.

SUHAG RAAT WIFE: Piche nahi aage dalte hai
Sardar: Tuje kaise pata?
WIFE: Mera dost mere aage se dalta tha
Sardar: Chup kar mera dost mere pichhe dalta tha

Santa: Bhaisaab ek condom dena. Meine girl friend ko gift dena hai.
Dukandar: Is par cover chada du.
Santa: Arre nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai

Pakistani ladkiyon ke ( . ) ( . )  Boob's Bade kyon hote hain?
Kyun ki.... Wo aate-jaate har ek ko kehti hain- "AA DAAB"

What's the best family planning slogan on a Govt bus?
"Hum do hamare do"  -  No!
"Chota Pariwar Sukhi Pariwar"  -  No!
The answer is:  "Kripya Peeche se Chadiye"

A girl was handling a boy's cock for the first time.
After some time few drops came out, she sked what's that?
Boy said: "Yeh khushi ke aansoo hai"

Lady says to Kelewala: Kabhi tight kele bhi rakh liya karo.
Kelewala: Kabhi khane ke liye bhi le liya karo.

------------------------------------

www.alltypeofinfo.com

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their
organization.

The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot
get an erection while you are trying to join this group."

The man says OK. He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis
and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join.

Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and
his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again.

The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this
organization." As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells
start ringing......

-----------------------

www.alltypeofinfo.com

The Secret to a Happy Married life

Once I was asked by my Friend, "What is the secret behind your happy married
life?"

I said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and
Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

He asked, "Can you explain?"

I said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as
my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's
decisions."

Still not convinced, Friend asked me "Give me some examples"

I said," Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much
amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner,
refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are
decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

He asked, "Then what is your role?"

I said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether
Americashould attack Iran , whether Britain should lift sanction over
Zimbabwe , whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar
should retire etc etc and Do you know one thing,

my wife NEVER, NEVER, NEVER objects to Any of these".
 
 .
 visit www.alltypeofinfo.com for more then 10000 articles on different subjects

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THE 99 CLUB 

 
Once upon a time......there lived a King who.....despite his luxurious
lifestyle... ..was neither happy nor content.

One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while
he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he......the Supreme Ruler of the
Land........ ..unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.

The King asked the servant, " How come you are so happy?"

The man replied, " Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my
family and I don't need too much........ ....just a roof over our heads and
warm food to fill our tummies ."

The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he
sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the
King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, " Your
Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99
Club."

" The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.

The advisor replied, " Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club
is.......... .place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's
doorstep."

When the servant saw the bag.......he took it into his house. When he
opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy....... wow....so many gold
coins!

He began to count them. After several counts.....he was at last
convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, " What could've
happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99
coins! "

He looked everywhere he could..... but that last coin was elusive.
Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work
harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.

From that day....the servant's life changed. He was overworked,
horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make
that 100th gold coin. He felt so unhappy all the time.... he stopped
singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation. ...the King was puzzled. When
he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, " Your Majesty, the
servant has now officially joined The 99 Club. "

He continued, " The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have
enough to be happy but are never contented... ....because they're always
yearning and striving for that extra 1....... telling themselves: "Let me
get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life ."

We too can be happy with very little in our lives....... but the minute
we're given something bigger and better...... we need to watch out for
our monkey minds ........ which may want even more!

We lose our sleep....... .our happiness... ...we hurt the people around
us.......all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.

So my dear brothers & sisters..... ...its all up to us.......whether we
want to join 'The 99 Club' ........or not!
 

http://www.indyarocks.com/videos/Thank-God-uR-Men-365662

Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged standing at the
counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with
hearts.
He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bills
curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what
he's doing.
Im sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, "Guess who? says the man.
Why on earth are you doing that? asks Bill.
Because I am a divorce lawyer. replies the man.

www.alltypeofinfo.com

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their
ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do
to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for
half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink
from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck
driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and
I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the
building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do
nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my
wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I
leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an
end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
 

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in
for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to
look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked
anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
 

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The American president-elect Barack Obama is said to have called 15 world
leaders so far, including presidents or prime ministers or kings of Australia,
Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Israel, Japan, Mexico, South Korea, Egypt,
Italy, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Poland and Pakistan.

Surprisingly, president-elect Obama has not called India's leaders yet.

The truth is Obama has tried calling Mr. Singh. And a few times, he did connect
as well. For various reasons though, the call did not seem to progress into a
productive telephonic conversation. Here are ten reasons why that happened:


1. The first time Obama called the Indian Prime Minister's office, Mr. Singh's
chief secretary picked up the phone and said, "who is speaking.."

Hearing that, Obama kept the phone down and told his secretary that by mistake,
they had connected to the Chinese president's office.


2. Obama tried again a little later. Once again, Singh's secretary picked up the
phone. Obama thought that he should let the guy know who he was speaking with.

So before the Indian secretary had a chance to say anything, Obama said, "This
is Barack Obama speaking..". "Yeah right", said the chief secretary, "and I am
Mahatma Gandhi here…".


3. A bit upset, Obama told his secretary to look up the Indian leader's number
again. So they gave him another number to try. "This is Barack Obama speaking",

he said. "Oh, Mr. Obama, congratulations, what a great victory…", said the
voice on the other line.

"Yeah, it was a blast", said Obama. "A blast? Wait…we will find out who is
behind it..",

said the voice, "and now I have to go and change my suit…".

"Can't you get me Mr. Singh's correct number?

That was the Indian home minister, you moron…", the usually unruffled Obama
blasted his secretary.


4. So Obama's secretary gave him another number to try.

He called and decided to make sure that he was speaking to the right person.

"Is this Mr. Singh?", he asked.
"Yes, it is", said the voice.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Oh hello Mr. Obama, how is the election shaping up so far?"
"Well, I won mine you know..and we will soon have about 60 seats in the
senate…", said Obama with palpable joy in his voice.

"Well, you know I can give you another 40 to make it an absolute majority", said
the voice.

"Darn it!", said Obama, putting the phone down, "…you gave me Amar Singh's
number…".


5. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.

"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, but he's relaxing", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"…you gave me Milkha Singh's number…."


6. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said the voice.
"Ah, finally", thought Obama. "Mr. Singh,
what do you think of my victory"?
"Well, what can I say? A great victory for minorities and scheduled castes and
the affirmative action..actually, your country should reserve 50% of senate and
congress seats for black people…."

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"…this is that old fool Arjun Singh…."


7. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said Mr. Singh.
"Mr. Singh, I hope your country, too, will see the light at the end of the
tunnel as the Americans have now seen.."

"Ya Obamaji, there is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of
an oncoming train which will run them over ….."

"What do you mean", asked Obama.
"What I meant was experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are
bald..", replied Mr. Singh.

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"…this is that Navjot Singh…."


8. "You may not have the right city code. Try another one..", Obama told his
secretary. So she found him another number to try.

"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.
"Wow, this is fantastic", said the voice.
"So, what do you think of my victory", asked Obama, beaming with pride.
"What can I say?…it's outstanding, mindblowing, fantastic. history…", said
the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"…I did not ask for Himesh Reshammiya's number…"


9. Once again, the secretary handed Obama another number.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Congrats Mr Obama", said the voice.
"You know I have decided to give some key positions in my cabinet to Indians",
said Obama.

"Indians? Why don't you give them to Maharashtrians? ", retorted the voice on
the other end.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"…I know how to deal with Chicago mafia, but I'm sure I can't handle Mumbai's
godfathers…".


10. "Are these all the Indian numbers you have? One last time, try another one",
said Obama.
"This is Obama from America", said Obama.
This time Laloo Yadav answered:
"Haan Obamabhai, Laloo speaking, Hum make America another Bihar".
A frightened Obama puts down receiver,never to ring again!