Good Morning: It's Saturday December 23, 2006!

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Happy 50th Birthday Phillip Williams!

BIRTHDAYS: Richard Arkwright (English inventor and
manufacturer called 'the Father of the Factory
System'), 1732; Joseph Smith, 1805; Jose Greco, 1918;
Ruth Roman, 1924; Floyd Kalber, 1924; Emperor Akihito,
1933; Elizabeth Hartman, 1941; Jerry Koosman, 1942;
Susan Lucci, 1949.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1783 George Washington,
commander-in-chief of the Continental Army, retired to
Mount Vernon.

On this date in 1788 the state of Maryland offered a
10-square-mile tract on the Potomac River as the Site
for the National Government.

On this date in 1823 "A Visit From Saint Nicholas" was
first published anonymously and without Clement
Moore's knowledge.

On this date in 1893 the Opera Hansel and Gretel, by
Engelbert Humperdinck, premiered.

On this date in 1913 the U.S. Federal Reserve System
was established.

On this date in 1948 the transistor was invented by
John Bardeen and Walter Brattain.

On this date in 1986 the experimental aircraft VOYAGER
completed the first nonstop, unrefueled flight around
the world.

MEANINGLESS FACTS: Carl E. Stotz founded Little
League baseball in 1920... George Herman Ruth was the
given name of baseball legend Babe Ruth... The city of
Houston, Texas was named for, Sam Houston, the first
president of the Republic of Texas... (Thanks to LM
for the meaningless facts!)

TRIVIA: In the New Testament, what instrument was
played at a funeral?

On the weather and society -- "There are many in
this old world of ours who hold that things break
about even for all of us. I have observed, for
example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The
rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in
the winter" (Bat Masterson).

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Thanks to G&L R: Christmas Party Memo

Of the same vain: S. Claus North Pole

I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I
will no longer be able to serve the Southern United
States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming
population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now
serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,
Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better
contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I am certain
that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement who happens to be my third cousin,
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South
Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the
good boys and girls. However, there are a few
differences between us such as:

1. There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a
moon pie] on the fireplace and Bubba doesn't smoke a
pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer, one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I
her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the
back with the words "Back off". The last I heard it
also had other decorations on the sleigh as well. One
is a Ford logo with lights that race through the
letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa
Claus) peeing on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not
be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
you'll see "Boss Hog Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
and dozens of state police cars crashing into each
other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure the wife and the kids turn the other way
when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung
about me, like "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and
Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This
year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the
AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will
be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox";
Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman
and a Six Pack", and Johnny Paycheck's "If You Don't
Like Bubba Claus, Shove It."

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

(Member) North American Fairies and Elves
Local #209

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ANSWER: The flute -- Matthew 9:23-24 (RV) -- "And
when Jesus came into the ruler's house, and saw the
flute-players, and the crowd making a tumult, he said,
Give place: for the damsel is not dead, but
sleepeth..."

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May God Bless You as You Study and Obey His Word. Tim Smith
Gospel Preacher -- Circle East Church of Christ, Dothan, AL
See the Circle East Church of Christ Webpage --
http://www.geocities.com/gradowith/index.html
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