Beggar of Prema

One day, Srimati RadharaNi decorated Her kunja very nicely. Her asta-
sakhis, eight intimate friends, are there, headed by Lalita and
Visakha. They decorated RadharaNi's forest grove with various
fragrant flowers like madhavi, malati, yui, sapalika, belli and
mallika. Such a nice fragrance was emanating from them that many
bumblebees were humming around. A cuckoo was singing, cooh! cooh!
The peacocks were dancing and raising their feathers. All the trees
and creepers in Vrndavana have very nice flowers and leaves. A cool
breeze was blowing. There was such a pleasant atmosphere.
RadharaNi's intimate girl companions were there at the door of the
kunja. They were all waiting. RadharaNi was inside, waiting eagerly
for Krsna to come.

The blowing of the breeze moved some leaves and produced a
sound "kus kus!" It is as if that breeze carried the sound of
Krsna's footsteps. "Oh! My beloved is coming. Krsna is coming." But
Krsna was not coming.

In this way, Srimati is waiting. She was in such anxiety that every
moment seemed to be a great yuga. "Oh, Krsna is not coming."
Radharani's mood is leftist, vamya-bhava, and Her vamya-bhava
increased more and more. All the sakhis were there, and Visakha
especially saw the condition of her sakhi, Radharani. Therefore She
sent one duti, girl messenger, "Go and see whether Krsna is coming
or not." So that duti went out, and on the way she met saibya, one
of the dutis of Candravali. Candravali's mood is rightist, whereas
RadharaNi's mood is leftist. The two are opposite. saibya, out of
pride, said, "Krsna is in the kunja of my sakhi, Candravali."

When that duti returned to RadharaNi's kunja, she reported the news
to Visakha. "Krsna is in Candravali's kunja." Then Visakha became
exceedingly angry and her eyes turned red-hot, "Unreliable person!
Unreliable person!" Lalita, being a bit softer, tried to pacify her
angry friend, but Visakha was not listening. Immediately Visakha
went inside the kunja and reported to Srimati Radha, "Krsna is in
Candravali's kunja!" Then RadharaNi's leftist mood rapidly grew to
the topmost degree, abhimani sakhi.

In Vraja, only RadharaNi relishes the last limit of madhurya-rasa.
Only RadharaNi can say, "Krsna amara, Krsna amara", "Krsna belongs
to Me, Krsna belongs to Me." No one else can say this. Krsna only
belongs to RadharaNi and no one else. He is Radha's Krsna.

govindanandini, radha, govinda-mohini
govinda-sarvasva, sarva-kanta-siromani

"Radha is the one who gives pleasure to Govinda, govindanandini. She
is also the enchantress of Govinda, govinda-mohini. She is the be-
all and end-all of Govinda, govinda-sarvasva, and the crest jewel of
all His consorts, sarva-kanta-siromaNi." (Cc. Adi 4.82)

This is Radha. So only RadharaNi, who is the be-all and end-all of
Govinda, says, "Krsna amara, Krsna amara", "Krsna belongs to Me.
Krsna belongs to Me." But what does Candravali say? Candravali's
mood is rightist, therefore she says, "ami tomara", "O Krsna, I
belong to You." RadharaNi says, "Krsna belongs to Me," but
Candravali says, "O Krsna, I belong to You." This is the difference
between the leftist and rightist mood.

The moment RadharaNi heard that Krsna was in Candravali's kunja, Her
leftist mood rapidly heightened to the topmost degree. This is
called abhimana, sulkiness and anger. In anger, She bit Her upper
lip and said, "If Krsna comes, don't allow that ungrateful person to
enter My kunja! Unreliable person!"

RadharaNi speaks in this way, but what does She really want? She
always thinks of Krsna and cannot tolerate the acute pangs of
separation from Him, even for a moment, but She says, "Don't allow
that ungrateful Krsna to come to My kunja!" This is mana. Externally
She rejects Krsna, but internally She wants Him. Krsna is there in
the heart of RadharaNi. The heart of RadharaNi is sat-prema-darpaNa,
the mirror of pure love. So Krsna is there, and He is laughing.
Harsh Words

Saying, "Yes, we won't allow that ungrateful wretch Krsna into the
kunja of our sakhi, we won't allow Him," Visakha and Lalita went
outside to guard the gateway of the kunja. Then Krsna came, running
breathlessly. Approaching the entrance to RadharaNi's kunja, He saw
the two strong doorkeepers. Lalita and Visakha stopped Him and
said, "No admittance. Get out from here! Unreliable person! Our
prana-sakhi, dearmost friend, decorated this kunja so nicely. Where
were You? Why are You coming here now?"

Krsna was in a very humble mood. In a mild way, He began to petition
them with folded hands. "Please..., please excuse Me. I am a great
offender. Please report to your sakhi that I am here and I am
begging to be excused." But Visakha and Lalita would not allow Him
to enter. Visakha was very angry, but Lalita, being a bit softer,
went into the kunja.

RadharaNi was just shedding tears, hanging down Her head. The whole
ground, wet with the tears from Her eyes, had turned to mud and She
was writing something on the ground with the finger of Her left
hand. Seeing Lalita, RadharaNi asked, "Has My PraNa-vallabha come?
Has the Lord of My heart, Krsna, arrived yet?" Then the next moment,
out of sulkiness, She said, "Why should Krsna come to Me? I am very
ill-fated. There are so many beautiful ladies ready to give Him
pleasure. Angels of heaven are there and they are all very eager to
get Krsna and give Him pleasure. So be it! Let Him accept their
worship and be happy! I don't know why a humble woman like Me gave
everything to Him. I gave Him My life and soul, and loved Him with
all My heart. I don't know why! Now I am burning in this blazing
fire of separation. Let Me be burnt to ashes, but let Him be happy."

RadharaNi had become like a madwoman. When Lalita saw Her condition
she was unable to say anything, so she returned to the gateway of
the kunja. Seeing Lalita, Krsna said, "O Lalita, you see, I am a
great offender. I know your sakhi, Srimati, has developed great
sulkiness. I realize that. But I have this faith-if you allow Me to
enter into the kunja, I am sure that when your sakhi sees My
syamasundara form, all Her sulkiness will vanish in a moment." Then,
in a very angry mood, Visakha said, "You cheater! What are You
saying? Seeing Your syamasundara form You think my praNa-sakhi will
forget everything and become Your maidservant? Get out from here!
Get out!" Visakha can be very cutting sometimes. "Don't You feel
ashamed to say such a thing? What is this? Are You greedy for Her
love, or is She greedy for Your beautiful syamasundara form? I think
You have forgotten that although You are Madana-mohana, the
enchanter of Cupid, my sakhi is Madana-mohana-mohini, the
enchantress of Madana-mohan. Is our sakhi greedy for Your beauty or
are You greedy for Her love? All I know is that one day You will
have to cry and cry and cry. I tell You, Krsna, You will have to cry
for Her love. Now get out from here!" Visakha spoke these harsh
words to Krsna.

Krsna became disappointed. He could not understand what to do, so He
left and went to the bank of the Yamuna. There He removed all His
nice garments and ornaments. Throwing them away and rolling in the
sand, Krsna began to cry. Now Krsna is morose. Only these words came
out from His mouth, "radhe purao madhuripu kamam, radhe purao
madhuripu kamam", "O Radhe, please fulfill the desire of the enemy
of Madhu-daitya." Although Krsna is self-satisfied, atmarama, still
He desires to be with RadharaNi.

PaurNamasi is Yogamaya and she arranges all the lilas in Vrajabhumi.
The activities of Yogamaya are so wonderful that sometimes even
Krsna cannot understand them. Although PaurNamasi-devi knows
everything, still, when she saw the condition of Krsna she said, "My
dear boy. What has happened to You?"

After Krsna had revealed everything before PaurNamasi, she
said, "These things are not unknown to me. I have already sent Vrnda-
devi to make some arrangement for Your union with Srimati RadharaNi."
Just then, Vrnda-devi appeared there at the bank of the Yamuna.
Seeing Krsna's condition, Vrnda-devi thought, "Krsna is lilamaya.
What a wonderful lila He has manifested! If there is nitya-milana,
eternal union, then Radha and Krsna will never be separated from one
another. If there is eternal union, where is viraha? Where is
separation? Now Krsna is feeling such acute pangs of separation from
RadharaNi, and RadharaNi has developed a sulkiness that Krsna does
not know how to break. Krsna is the life and soul of RadharaNi. But
RadharaNi has developed sulkiness and has thrown Him out, even
though She cannot tolerate one moment of separation from Him. I find
this incomprehensible. Still, by PaurNamasi's order and inspiration
I will become an instrument in this wonderful lila. If I can be an
instrument in uniting Radha and Krsna, then I will consider my life
to be successful."

Then Vrnda-devi appeared before Krsna. "I am Vrnda-devi," she
said. "I have come under the direction of PaurNamasi, who has told
me everything. I know that You have become so morose because
RadharaNi has refused to see You. I understand that there is nothing
You can do to meet with RadharaNi and break Her sulkiness. There is
but one means, though. If You do what I say, then there is hope."
Krsna agreed, "Certainly I will do whatever you say. I cannot
understand what to do. I am simply bewildered."

Vrnda said, "All right. But I am telling You, You have to give up
this gopa-vesa, this dress of a cowherd boy. You have to give it up.
And You have such nice curling hair on Your head, but You have to
shave it off. No more nice curling hair. Yes. Give up Your peacock
feather. No more peacock feather. And don't stand in this way, tri-
bhanga, bent in three places. Give up all these things. As for this
blackish body-no! All these things You have to give up. And take off
Your yellow garment. Put on a saffron garment and become a beggar,
bhiksu. You have to throw away Your mohana-murali, too. No more
enchanting flute. Instead, I will give You an instrument, a khanjaNi
[tambourine]. I will teach You a very nice song and You have to sing
it while playing on that khanjaNi. Then, singing and playing, go to
Radha's kunja. If You do this then there is some hope that You may
meet RadharaNi."

As soon as Vrnda-devi had spoken these words, Krsna immediately took
on that form. Krsna appeared with a shaved head and a saffron color
garment; a beggar in sannyasa-vesa with a complexion like molten
gold. By His desire that form appeared immediately, because His will
is supreme. By His mere willing, creation and annihilation take
place. So now Krsna is in bhiksu-vesa, the dress of a beggar. Then
Vrnda-devi taught Him this song:

Srimate radhe bada abhimani
vamya-bhava siromaNi
syama sari ange acchadana
tava tapta-kancana varaNa
eta dina chile pagaliNi rayi
kanu preme praNa sampi
sarva rupe guNe ogo gandharvike
kanu mana kari curi
aji radha-prema bhiksa magi
kanu phere dvare dvare hai

This is the nice song that Vrnda-devi taught Him. Then Krsna, in the
form of a sannyasi, went to radha-kunja, playing on that khanjaNi
and singing this song.

"O Srimati Radhe, You have developed a sulky mood, abhimana, very
sulky. Vamya-bhava siromaNi. You are the crest jewel of that leftist
mood. Your whole body is covered with a blue sari and Your bodily
hue is that of molten gold, tapta-kancana-gaurangi. Until now You
were mad after kanu-prema, Krsna's love. O Gandharvike, RadharaNi,
in every respect You have stolen the heart and mind of Kanu. But
today Kanu has become a beggar, moving from doorstep to doorstep
begging radha-prema, radha-prema, radha-prema."

When Krsna arrived at the gate of Radharani's kunja, Lalita and
Visakha saw the beautiful sannyasi and heard this wonderful song.
Lalita inquired, "O sannyasi thakura. Where did You learn such a
nice song?"

The sannyasi thakura said, "I have a guru. Her name is Gandharvika.
I have learned it from Her." Then Visakha asked, "Why have You come
here? What do You want, sannyasi thakura?"
"I am a sannyasi. I don't want anything from this material world. I
have given up everything because I am a beggar of prema only, prema-
bhikari.

Visakha said, "All right, sannyasi thakura. My dear sakhi is very
distressed. She is in a dying condition. Her fate is very bad, ill-
fated. O sannyasi thakura, can You calculate the fortune of my praNa-
sakhi?"
"Oh yes, I know how to do it."
"Who has taught You?"
"Oh, I have learned from My guru, Gandharvika. She has taught Me all
these things."

Hearing this, Visakha asked, "Sannyasi thakura, will You come into
the kunja to calculate the fortune of our praNa-sakhi? Then You'll
get Her blessings. By my sakhi's blessings You will definitely get
prema."

The sannyasi thakura said, "Yes, why not? I must go because I am
greedy for that prema-dhana. Therefore I have put on this sannyasa-
vesa. I am a beggar of prema, prema-bhikari, so I must go."
Then they took the sannyasi thakura into the kunja. Lalita entered
into the inner chamber where RadharaNi was lying, and reported to
Her that a wonderful sannyasi thakura had come. In the meantime,
Visakha requested Him, "Sannyasi thakura, will You please sing that
very nice song You were singing? I want to hear that sweet song.
Will You sing it?"

Sannyasi thakura said, "Yes, why not? That is My favourite song."
Then He started to sing. "aji radha-prema bhiksa magi kanu phere
dvare dvare hai", "Today Kanu has become a beggar moving from
doorstep to doorstep, begging for RadharaNi's love," When He sang
this last line and the words entered into the ears of RadharaNi,
immediately the crying mood came out from Her heart:

aslisya va pada-ratam pinastu mam
adarsanam marma-hatam karotu va
yatha tatha va vidadhatu lampato
mat-prana-nathas tu sa eva naparaƒ

"Let that debauchee do whatever He likes. He may embrace Me or kick
Me. He may burn Me with the blazing fire of separation, not giving
Me darsana. Let Him do whatever He wants-He is a debauchee after
all. But still, He will always be My PraNanatha, the Lord of My
heart, and not anyone else."

This is the last verse of Mahaprabhu's siksastakam, and it came out
from the core of RadharaNi's heart.
Then Lalita consoled Her, "O My praNa-sakhi, be pacified. Have
patience. Have patience. A nice sannyasi thakura has come. He knows
everything, sarvajna. He will calculate Your fortune, whether You
can meet Your PraNavallabha‚ the Lord of Your heart."
After carefully arranging two seats on the veranda of RadharaNi's
kunja, Lalita requested the sannyasi to take His seat there. Then
RadharaNi came out from Her inner chamber. She was wearing a veil
over Her head because She never looks at the face of any male
person. No male but Krsna can see the face of Radharani. Lalita made
Her sit down on the other seat, just in front of the sannyasi
thakura. Then Lalita held out RadharaNi's left hand to show to the
sannyasi thakura. "O sannyasi thakura," she said, "Please calculate
the fortune of our praNa-sakhi."

Sannyasi thakura said, "Please excuse Me, I am a sannyasi. I cannot
touch the hand of any lady. No. My sannyasa-dharma will be broken."
"How can You calculate then?"
"I can calculate your sakhi's fortune by seeing the lines on Her
forehead. I know how to do it. Remove the veil and I will
calculate."

Then Visakha said, "O sannyasi thakura! You see, our sakhi never
looks at the face of any purusa, male, in this world. She is very
strict in the matter."

The cheating sannyasi replied, "Ore baba! I am a daNdi-sannyasi,
don't you understand? I have no desires. I have given up everything.
I am only a beggar, begging love. I am prema-bhikari. Why is your
sakhi ashamed to remove Her veil before a daNdi-sannyasi? If Your
sakhi lifts the veil, there is no harm at all. Then I can calculate.
I am sannyasi. I am not an ordinary male."

When Lalita removed the veil, immediately, syama-tri-bhanga-lalita,
Krsna's form came out-the sannyasa form disappearing! He was
standing in a graceful threefold bending form with flute, peacock
feather, yellow garments and nice ornaments. Then Krsna's eyes fell
on the eyes of RadharaNi-eye-to-eye union. Immediately Her sulkiness
disappeared. Visakha became amazed, "What is this?"

That is what Raya Ramananda saw when Mahaprabhu showed him His real
form:

pahile dekhilun tomara sannyasi-svarupa
ebe toma dekhi muni syama-gopa-rupa

Ramananda Raya told Lord Sri Caitanya: "At first I saw You appear
like a sannyasi, but now I am seeing You as Syamasundara, the
cowherd boy." (Cc. Madhya 8. 268)

Raya Ramananda saw syamasundara. As soon as the sannyasi form
disappeared, Krsna's syamasundara form appeared. Raya Ramananda is
Visakha sakhi in Vraja-lila, so he has seen these things.

tomara sammukhe dekhi kancana-pancalika
tanra gaura-kantye tomara sarva anga dhaka

"I saw You appearing like a golden doll, and Your entire body
appeared to be covered by a golden lustre." (Cc. Madhya 8.269)

tahate prakata dekhon sa-va si vadana
nana bhave cancala tahe kamala-nayana

"Now I see that You are holding a flute to Your mouth and Your lotus
eyes are moving very restlessly due to various ecstasies." (Cc.
Madhya 8.270)

Krsna told Srimati, "O Radhe, You are Krsna-ahladini. All Your lilas
are meant for My pleasure. You don't want to touch the body of
anyone but Me. Similarly, I don't want to touch the body of any lady
but You, Radhe. Sometimes I go to Candravali's kunja just in order
to heighten Your vamya-bhava. Thereby Your leftist mood is
heightened and I get some pleasure out of it. Now the highest mood
has been expressed today. I could not find any other means to break
Your sulkiness. Therefore I put on this sannyasa-vesa and became a
beggar, prema-bhikari."

Previously, when RadharaNi was crying, Visakha told Krsna, "One day
You'll have to cry like that!" And so now He is always crying in the
form of Mahaprabhu.

This is How Krsna has to cry. Krsna has to cry and become a sannyasi
begging for radha-prema, the love of RadharaNi. "Otherwise I cannot
pay back the debt-na paraye, na paraye," Krsna says. "I have become
indebted."

na paraye `ham niravadya-sa juya
sva-sadhu-krtya vibudhayusapi vaƒ
ya mabhajan durjaya-geha-srnkhalaƒ
sa vrscya tad vaƒ pratiyatu sadhuna

"O gopis, I am not able to repay My debt for Your spotless service,
even within a lifetime of Brahma. Your connection with Me is beyond
reproach. You have worshipped Me, cutting off all domestic ties,
which are difficult to break. Therefore please let your own glorious
deeds be your compensation." (Bhag. 10.32.22)

Here, Krsna says, "I cannot pay back the debt. O gopis, you have
such love for Me that you broke all rules and regulations, all Vedic
regulative principles. At the dead of night you have come running to
Me." This is raganuga-bhakti, no rules and regulations.

So Krsna has become indebted. And to pay back this debt He came in
the form of a sannyasi. A completely different form; not bent in
three places, no nice curling hair. Now His head is shaved, His
yellow garment is saffron colour and He is begging for radha-prema,
that is radha-bhava. He had to come in this sannyasa form, otherwise
He could not pay back the debt. Now Krsna is moving in that form
which is the combination of Radha and Krsna, Rasaraja-Mahabhava.
That is Caitanya Mahaprabhu.

In the meantime, PaurNamasi had ordered Vrnda-devi to engage all the
manjaris in decorating the kunja where Radha and Krsna will sit and
swing. So they have decorated the kunja and swing for Radha and
Krsna. This is the manjari-bhava-seva. Our mood is this manjari-
bhava, and we just offer service to Radha and Krsna in that mood:

radha-Krsna praNa mora jugala-kisora
jivane maraNe gati ara nahi mora
kalindira kula keli-kadambera vana
ratana-bedira upara bosabo du'jana
syama-gauri-ange dibo candanera gandha
camara dhulabo kabe hera mukha-candra
ganthiya malatir mala dibo donhara gale
adhare tuliya dibo karpura-tambule
lalita visakha-adi jata sakhi-brnda
ajnaya koribo seba caranaravinda
Sri-Krsna-caitanya-prabhur daser anudasa
seva abhilasa kore narottama-dasa
hare Krsna hare Krsna Krsna Krsna hare hare
hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare

"The Divine Couple, Sri Sri Radha and Krsna, are my life and soul.
In life or death I have no other refuge but Them. In a forest of
small Kadamba trees on the bank of the Yamuna, I will seat the
divine couple on a throne made of brilliant jewels. I will anoint
Their dark and fair forms with sandalwood paste scented with cuya,
and I will fan Them with a camara whisk. Oh, when will I behold
Their moonlike faces? After stringing together garlands of malati
flowers I will place them around Their necks, and I will offer
tambula scented with camphor to Their lotus mouths. With the
permission of all the sakhis, headed by Lalita and Visakha, I will
serve the lotus feet of Radha and Krsna. Narottama dasa, the servant
of the servant of Sri Krsna Caitanya Prabhu, longs for this service
to the Divine Couple."

So Radha and Krsna sat in a nice jhulan, swing:

rai-kanu dui basila jhulana ratna maNeopari
jugala-caraNe sonar nupura ruNa-juna ruNa-juna baje
syama haste sonar bala rai haste kankaNa saje
syama gale vanamala viraje raji gale mati saje
syama adhara madhura murali `radha, radha' boli dake
syama sire mohan cuda rai sire veni saje
prema tura gopi-gana luaraya asi milila tataksaNa
caraNe nupura bandhi duhu gai nace anuksaNa
pica-kari dvare jugala gaye bari bindu kori sincane
keho dolaya mani keha mrdu mrdu camara dulaya
keho mrdanga bajaya kansara bajaya
karatali lalita sundari kore arotika panca-pradipa jali
guru-krpa labhi manjari-bhave sei lila lahari heriba va kahe

Radha and Krsna are sitting on a swing, while the gopis are swinging
Them. Their feet are decorated with golden anklebells which make a
tinkling sound, `ruNa-juna ruNa-juna.' On the hand of syama is a
golden bangle. Similarly, on the hand of Rai, Radha, is a golden
armlet. syama is wearing a garland of forest flowers around His
neck. And similarly, RadharaNi's neck is decorated with a necklace
of pearls. Krsna is holding a flute to His lips. The sweet singing
of the flute is calling, radhe radhe, eso eso radhe: `O Radhe, O
Radhe. Come, come, Radhe!' Yasoda-mata has bound Krsna's curling
hair very nicely, and RadharaNi's hair is hanging in a braid. At
that time, all the other gopis came and the anklebells on their feet
were producing a tinkling sound. Now the gopis are dancing and
singing the glories of Radha and Krsna. Some are bringing water,
some are engaged in swinging the swing, and others are engaged in
fanning with the camara. Some are playing mrdanga, some karatala and
some are clapping their hands. Lalita-sundari is offering panca-
pradipa arotika. When, by the mercy of my guru, will I serve Radha
and Krsna in the mood of a manjari?

- Embankment of Separation, Chapter 2.