A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing...
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would...
American Voters While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking...
My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so joyfully, but I thought, what the heck...
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I'm 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look...
Two nurses were helping an elderly retired master chief petty officer out of his wheelchair at the Veteran's Hospital, when they noticed the man had a tattoo...
The Perfect Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and...
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter...
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk,...
The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies....
I Pick Up Things A teacher ended a lesson on magnets with a quiz. One question read, "My name starts with 'M' has six letters, and I pick up things. What am...
Everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise. God appeared and said: "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads...
A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said, "You know something? This...
Just in time for football season... Football finally makes sense! A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right...
A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town...
Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief...
During a Christian conference, Jay worked late on the presentation slides to lead the participants in singing. Because the "d" and "f" keys are next to each...
A very small female janitor (4'10", 90 pounds) worked at an amusement park and was told to go out and sweep up the grounds. As she was getting ready to head...
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa, Florida. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago....
At The Hospital Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What...
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced...
Two city landscapers were working diligently alongside the streets of a huge office complex. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and...
Each evening a bird lover, Tom, stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night an owl called back to him. For a year, Tom and his feathered friend...
A Lawyer and a Blonde A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks...
A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After...
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away....
A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back. He went out...
Two farmers were discussing their problems. Farmer Bill said, "I've got a couple of birds nesting in my horse's mane. I've tried to get rid of them. But they...
Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the...
