A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her...
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"...
Business Dealing ________________ One day in kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the...
Cars in Heaven Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during...
Lawyerly Laffs Q: What is the definition a "Lucky Break?" A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a "Crying Shame"? A:...
How to Photograph a New Puppy 1. Remove film from box and load camera. 2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash. 3. Remove puppy from trash and...
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and...
My neighbor's flowers in the front yard are in full bloom. In fact, they have been in full bloom for six consecutive months. They are remarkably resilient...
Lightbulb Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911. Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light...
A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become...
Ventriloquist A young ventriloquist is touring through the southern United States and stops to entertain at a small bar in Texas. He's going through his usual...
ATM A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without...
Change in Location Some geological engineers from the U.S.G.S. recently surveyed some property in New England and found that in a certain area, the New...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop...
Here's "The Rest of the Story" Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will...
"Oh,No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived, he did...
The Coffee Prayer Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my...
Suggestions Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3 x 5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was...
The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. ...
Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence. Suck the eyes from...
Time is Relative A fellow went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So the fellow decided to talk to his pastor....
A Lawyer's Deal With The Devil http://quotes.wordpress.com/ An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her....
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mary Hitchcock Memorial Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is ...
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman...
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG KID TO MOW YOUR LAWN 10. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag 9. On the side of his mower you notice the...
My journal of 2008 January: Had to take my Christmas scarf back to store -- it was way too tight! February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print...
Old Money A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of...
Funny Jokes http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/ Dieting Rules If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. If you drink a diet soda with a...
Funny Jokes Bumper Snickers I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen. Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days...
Overworked When we were looking to buy property, I had this overzealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. I mean the...
