"I've been arrested for being the ugliest person in the United States, so can you come down to the police station and show them it's a mistake?" ... Get your...
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be bank robbers. Pick The Right Bank: You don't want to make the same mistake as...
Sometime back during prohibition Bing and Bob developed a powerful thirst for some moonshine. Bing said, "I have a brother who lives up in the Carolina hills...
... his salt ... good. ... starts ... never ... washin', ... make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders. ... age and start...
One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was: "THERE WAS AN OLD...
Confession Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church,...
While working on a message the pastor heard a knock at his office door. "Come in," he invited. A contrite-looking man in threadbare clothes came in, pulling a...
NEW FDA TEST ... Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent...
It's better to be hated for who you are... than loved for who you are not. --Phlogiston Verdigris ~~~~~~~ Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with...
A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they...
1. Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world? 2. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. When it was built...
The helicopter Ride MORRIS AND HIS WIFE ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR, AND EVERY YEAR MORRIS WOULD SAY, 'ESTHER, I 'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT ...
Harold the Computer Guy I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and...
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. ... Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. ... If you...
The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: A) 35% of...
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the...
Maternity leave would last two years... With full pay. There would be a cure for stretch marks. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. Morning sickness...
The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 in a 35-mile an hour zone. The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader,...
One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who...
EOOUU!!! I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick...
Pete & Gladys Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete said to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think...
Just a note to tell you that my mailbox is being flooded with mail concerning gas prices and illegal immigrants. To boycott oil companies or not; to provide...
Dog for Protection My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't...
This was written by a black gentleman in Texas And is so funny. What a great sense of humor And creativity!! ! When I was born, I was black, When I grew up, I...
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son...
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink . He stays like that for half-hour. Then, this big trouble making truck driver steps...
Then there is researcher Peter Fong, who has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact...
It's Good to Know: About Online Tattletales Bad drivers, people who park illegally in handicapped-only spaces, litterbugs, rude people, and others who...
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