"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. "The...
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying...
Little Jordan was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside for a while when he came into the house and asked his, "Grandma, what...
While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I'm...
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur...
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers: FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), ...
Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks....
At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full-size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense...
During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with their capabilities. One day I was...
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a...
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end....
The Bathtub Test It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum,...
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through...
Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were...
St. Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the Pearly Gates: "For Service Ring Bell." Away he goes; he barely gets started when BING! the bell...
Gun Jokes A little boy ran home from school on the first day and pestered his mother into taking him into a toy shop. When they got there he insisted that she...
Many years ago a farmer couple gave birth to a son. They named him "Odd." When Odd began going to school all of his classmates teased him because of his name....
One year at Thanksgiving my Mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She...
"HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND" A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long...
The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and ...
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he...
Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! Q: Why wouldn't the turkey eat any dessert? A: He was stuffed! ...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone...
HELP WANTED Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time time...
1. Salmonella won't be a concern. 2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened. 3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year. 4. Your cheese...
One fellow was violently tearing through his Bible in a desperate search when a friend came up and asked, "Is something wrong?" "Yes," he said, "I can't...
The Preacher's Experiment While his son was at school the preacher went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: A Bible, a silver...
Scrooge was sitting in his office the week before Christmas. He was counting his money, making sure he had made enough profit for the year. Suddenly, he became...
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told...
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. ...
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