Good Guys,

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and do a life review?  In that
rear-view mirror of reclining restlessness all the wrong turns of the past seem
to paint a clear direction to the present.  That retrospective road map can be
painfully revealing.

I recently did that . I hope you'll visit the blog at
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/.  I wanted to share some words about
the judgment we all sometimes feel.  Please feel free to leave a comment on the
blog.  I think it's helpful to other readers.

God Bless.

Thom

http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

Thank you Thom...God bless you.  Bridget
http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=12053.



   ----- Original Message -----
   From: Thom Hunter
   To: Undisclosed-Recipient@... ; exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2009 7:05 PM
   Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] The best gifts of all!



   Bridget,

   Thanks for sharing "The Gift of You."  Wow . . . how much closer we would be
to the people we love, we want to love, and we want to love us, if we could
approach relatioships with such selflessness.

   I'm praying that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and that your
son feels the love you have for him and the love of Christ.

   Thom
   http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

   --- On Tue, 12/15/09, BridgetNight123@...
<BridgetNight123@...> wrote:

   From: BridgetNight123@... <BridgetNight123@...>
   Subject: [ExGDBd] The best gifts of all!
   To: Undisclosed-Recipient@...
   Date: Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 4:32 PM



   My gay son just sent all of us an email saying he is too broke to buy presents
this year and hoped everyone would understand. He told us that we did not need
to get him anything since he can't get us anything. Everyone wrote him back with
such love and kindess expressing how they understood these were hard ecomonic
times for lots of folks and that Christmas was more about love and family. I
told him that he could give the gift of himself by using his graphic art talent
and make each person a card and write in it the special things he loved about
each family member and how he felt about them. He was so happy with that idea.
As part of our Christmas program each year we each read a part of this thought
piece I was given in our women's church group years ago. It catches the spirit
of Christmas for me the best, so I thought I would share it here with you all.
One last thing, I want to express how much I appreciate the friendships I have
made here. So many
   forums out there on the net, people get so rude and insulting and are so
disrespectful. Let us all shine the light of Christ better this year to all. My
children and grandkids will be arriving in the next few days and I put together
a power point slide show of all our Christmas past since my husband and I got
married to relive the happy memories and traditions we have made over the years.
It is a surprise for our Christmas Eve Holy Night family Christmas. So, with all
the busyiness, I want to wish each of you a Very MERRY CHRISTMAS from me to you.
Warmly, Bridget

   The Gift of You
   Don't forget to add these Emotional Gifts to your list for Holiday giving.
They cost nothing but are the most precious presents you can give to your
friends and family. These twelve gifts are-Gifts of You. They cost nothing but
their effects can last a lifetime.

   1. 'The Gift of Time'- In our busy lives, the phrase, I don't have time, has
become a universal complaint. Most human relationships profit from a simple
tonic that is called Tincture of Time. A chatty phone call to an unhappy trend,
or a half-hour visit to an aunt who lives alone can mean a lot, but costs very
little.

   2. 'The gift of good example' - Most people learn fundamental attitudes and
behavior by observing others. Be a good example by handling difficult situations
in a mature manner.

   3. 'The gift of Acceptance'- Many problems between husband and wife or between
friends begin when one person tries to change the other to fit preconceived
notions. Did you know that people begin to shed bad habits once they are
accepted the way they are?

   4. 'The gift of Seeing the best in people.' When we expect people to respond
in a positive way, they usually do. But you must let those you love know that
you expect the positive.

   5. The gift of giving up a bad habit.-All of us have habits that annoy those
we love. What a great gift it would be if you could give up an unhappy or
unhealthy habit.

   6. The gift of Teaching-Helping someone you love learn something new is an
important investment in their future happiness. Only by learning new skills can
we become fully alive.

   7. The Gift of Listening-Few of us know how to listen effectively Learn to
listen without passing judgement.

   8. 'The gift of fun'-There are people who 'wet blanket' the happiness of those
around them while others lead people into finding fun in ordinary events.

   9. The gift of letting others give.- When we accept others gifts in a gracious
manner, we may be giving them one of the most important gifts of all. Remember
the joy you feel in giving is felt by others as well.

   10. 'The gift of privacy'- Each of us has a need for companionship and also
privacy. Relinquish some of your natural curiosity occasionally and give those
you love the right to private thoughts and unshared feelings.

   11. 'The gift of self-esteem' -Do not fail to recognize the praiseworthy
qualities and actions of those you love and sincerely tell them.

   12. The gift of Self-Disclosure- Letting someone else discover more about you
can turn a relationship into something a flourishing one, sustain a healthy
friendship or marriage.

   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Bridget,
 
Thanks for sharing "The Gift of You."  Wow . . . how much closer we would be to
the people we love, we want to love, and we want to love us, if we could
approach relatioships with such selflessness.
 
I'm praying that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and that your
son feels the love you have for him and the love of Christ.
 
Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

--- On Tue, 12/15/09, BridgetNight123@... <BridgetNight123@...>
wrote:


From: BridgetNight123@... <BridgetNight123@...>
Subject: [ExGDBd] The best gifts of all!
To: Undisclosed-Recipient@...
Date: Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 4:32 PM


 



My gay son just sent all of us an email saying he is too broke to buy presents
this year and hoped everyone would understand. He told us that we did not need
to get him anything since he can't get us anything. Everyone wrote him back with
such love and kindess expressing how they understood these were hard ecomonic
times for lots of folks and that Christmas was more about love and family. I
told him that he could give the gift of himself by using his graphic art talent
and make each person a card and write in it the special things he loved about
each family member and how he felt about them. He was so happy with that idea.
As part of our Christmas program each year we each read a part of this thought
piece I was given in our women's church group years ago. It catches the spirit
of Christmas for me the best, so I thought I would share it here with you all.
One last thing, I want to express how much I appreciate the friendships I have
made here. So many
  forums out there on the net, people get so rude and insulting and are so
disrespectful. Let us all shine the light of Christ better this year to all. My
children and grandkids will be arriving in the next few days and I put together
a power point slide show of all our Christmas past since my husband and I got
married to relive the happy memories and traditions we have made over the years.
It is a surprise for our Christmas Eve Holy Night family Christmas. So, with all
the busyiness, I want to wish each of you a Very MERRY CHRISTMAS from me to you.
Warmly, Bridget

The Gift of You
Don't forget to add these Emotional Gifts to your list for Holiday giving. They
cost nothing but are the most precious presents you can give to your friends and
family. These twelve gifts are-Gifts of You. They cost nothing but their effects
can last a lifetime.

1. 'The Gift of Time'- In our busy lives, the phrase, I don't have time, has
become a universal complaint. Most human relationships profit from a simple
tonic that is called Tincture of Time. A chatty phone call to an unhappy trend,
or a half-hour visit to an aunt who lives alone can mean a lot, but costs very
little.

2. 'The gift of good example' - Most people learn fundamental attitudes and
behavior by observing others. Be a good example by handling difficult situations
in a mature manner.

3. 'The gift of Acceptance'- Many problems between husband and wife or between
friends begin when one person tries to change the other to fit preconceived
notions. Did you know that people begin to shed bad habits once they are
accepted the way they are?

4. 'The gift of Seeing the best in people.' When we expect people to respond in
a positive way, they usually do. But you must let those you love know that you
expect the positive.

5. The gift of giving up a bad habit.-All of us have habits that annoy those we
love. What a great gift it would be if you could give up an unhappy or unhealthy
habit.

6. The gift of Teaching-Helping someone you love learn something new is an
important investment in their future happiness. Only by learning new skills can
we become fully alive.

7. The Gift of Listening-Few of us know how to listen effectively Learn to
listen without passing judgement.

8. 'The gift of fun'-There are people who 'wet blanket' the happiness of those
around them while others lead people into finding fun in ordinary events.

9. The gift of letting others give.- When we accept others gifts in a gracious
manner, we may be giving them one of the most important gifts of all. Remember
the joy you feel in giving is felt by others as well.

10. 'The gift of privacy'- Each of us has a need for companionship and also
privacy. Relinquish some of your natural curiosity occasionally and give those
you love the right to private thoughts and unshared feelings.

11. 'The gift of self-esteem' -Do not fail to recognize the praiseworthy
qualities and actions of those you love and sincerely tell them.

12. The gift of Self-Disclosure- Letting someone else discover more about you
can turn a relationship into something a flourishing one, sustain a healthy
friendship or marriage.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]











[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

My gay son just sent all of us an email saying he is too broke to buy presents
this year and hoped everyone would understand. He told us that we did not need
to get him anything since he can't get us anything. Everyone wrote him back with
such love and kindess expressing how they understood these were hard ecomonic
times for lots of folks and that Christmas was more about love and family. I
told him that he could give the gift of himself by using his graphic art talent
and make each person a card and write in it the special things he loved about
each family member and how he felt about them. He was so happy with that idea.
As part of our Christmas program each year we each read a part of this thought
piece I was given in our women's church group years ago. It catches the spirit
of Christmas for me the best, so I thought I would share it here with you all.
One last thing, I want to express how much I appreciate the friendships I have
made here. So many forums out there on the net, people get so rude and insulting
and are so disrespectful. Let us all shine the light of Christ better this year
to all.  My children and grandkids will be arriving in the next few days and I
put together a power point slide show of all our Christmas past since my husband
and I got married to relive the happy memories and traditions we have made over
the years. It is a surprise for our Christmas Eve Holy Night family Christmas. 
So, with all the busyiness, I want to wish each of you a Very  MERRY CHRISTMAS
from me to you. Warmly, Bridget

The Gift of You
Don't forget to add these Emotional Gifts to your list for Holiday giving. They
cost nothing but are the most precious presents you can give to your friends and
family. These twelve gifts are-Gifts of You. They cost nothing but their effects
can last a lifetime.

1. 'The Gift of Time'- In our busy lives, the phrase, I don't have time, has
become a universal complaint. Most human relationships profit from a simple
tonic that is called Tincture of Time. A chatty phone call to an unhappy trend,
or a half-hour visit to an aunt who lives alone can mean a lot, but costs very
little.

2. 'The gift of good example' - Most people learn fundamental attitudes and
behavior by observing others. Be a good example by handling difficult situations
in a mature manner.

3. 'The gift of Acceptance'- Many problems between husband and wife or between
friends begin when one person tries to change the other to fit preconceived
notions. Did you know that people begin to shed bad habits once they are
accepted the way they are?

4. 'The gift of Seeing the best in people.' When we expect people to respond in
a positive way, they usually do. But you must let those you love know that you
expect the positive.

5. The gift of giving up a bad habit.-All of us have habits that annoy those we
love. What a great gift it would be if you could give up an unhappy or unhealthy
habit.

6. The gift of Teaching-Helping someone you love learn something new is an
important investment in their future happiness. Only by learning new skills can
we become fully alive.

7. The Gift of Listening-Few of us know how to listen effectively Learn to
listen without passing judgement.

8. 'The gift of fun'-There are people who 'wet blanket' the happiness of those
around them while others lead people into finding fun in ordinary events.

9. The gift of letting others give.- When we accept others gifts in a gracious
manner, we may be giving them one of the most important gifts of all. Remember
the joy you feel in giving is felt by others as well.

10. 'The gift of privacy'- Each of us has a need for companionship and also
privacy. Relinquish some of your natural curiosity occasionally and give those
you love the right to private thoughts and unshared feelings.

11. 'The gift of self-esteem'-Do not fail to recognize the praiseworthy
qualities and actions of those you love and sincerely tell them.

12. The gift of Self-Disclosure- Letting someone else discover more about you
can turn a relationship into something a flourishing one, sustain a healthy
friendship or marriage.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Good Guys,

The Christmas season can cause some of us to reflect a bit on the losses
in our lives as well as the great gains we've made as strugglers through
the gift of God's grace.

Oddly, when I was writing this week I remembered a poignant song from
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol from way back in the '60s.  If you'd like to
see the clip, I posted it with my blog piece this week.  I hope you are
all having a blessed Christmas season already.

Here's the opening graph of the blog:

I don't know if I first saw Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol the night it
premiered on TV in 1962 as the first-ever animated television Christmas
special . . . but I know I saw it every time it came on after that.
It's funny what can speak to us and when, but as an eight-year-old in
his first Christmas without his dad and his first Christmas as a
sexually-molested boy, something about that lonely reach spoke to my
little heart and it never let me go.

http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>



God Bless,

Thom



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

JUST FOUND A GREAT SPIRITUAL VIDEO ON YOUTUBE.

GO TO YOUTUBE SEARCH BAR AND TYPE IN THESE 3 WORDS :

the miraculous mosaic .

hope you be blessed by it.


ps; we are all broken

Good Guys,

Whether you know it or not, members of your church are ministering to
Christians who struggle with homosexuality.  Like the struggle itself,
their ministry to those who suffer may be hidden, but it goes on, fueled
by love.  They are parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, cousins,
and friends of your church members – men and women -- who are
drowning in the residue of the sin of unwanted homosexuality.

How can your church do a better job of ministering?  That's the
practical subject of my blog post this week at
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>

God Bless and Keep You Strong,

Thom


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Good Guys,

I hope this Thanksgiving finds you with much to thank God for.  In my
blog today, I write about one of my darkest days, yet remain thankful
for it.

"Seven months ago, on a very nice April 30, around mid-day, I tottered
off the edge of it and plunged into the blackness of what seemed a
never-ending free fall.  It was the beginning of an "all circumstances"
that stretches the veracity of God's Word . . . and yet . . . seven
months later, I find myself oddly thankful."
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/ <http:///>

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving,

Thom


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Good Guys,

I know we expend a lot of thought energy trying to figure out how in the
world we got to where we are  . . . or were . . . in life before we
began to seek or experience new freedom.

I was thinking about that this week as I updated my blog.  I hope my
thoughts might be helpful to you . . . and I'd love to hear yours.

If you'd like to read it, it's at
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>   and begins like this:

In the dark of night, I awoke.  Framed in the moonlit, lace-curtained
window, I saw my child and his mother, sharing a rocker at midnight,
only the moon and I to spy. My intrusion was silent, but it fulfilled my
need for joy.

God Bless,

Thom


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Good Guys,

I hope your week is going well.  I've been thinking this week about
grace . . . completely undeserved, but freely given. And I was wondering
if we extend it enough ourselves, or if we too often withhold this
precious gift from others.

It's the focus of my blog post this week.

"My father-in-law was a man of principle.  There may have been a little
gray here and there, but it was just a wisp between the black-and-white.
If anything was fuzzy, it was only because he hadn't gotten out the
tools to trim it up and make it right . . . but he would soon get to it.
Maybe that's why when I first met him some 33 or so years ago, I was a
bit uncomfortable.  Fuzzy was just all-right with me and gray came in
all kinds of shades."

Read More. <http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>

God Bless,

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

A couple thoughts:
I decided long ago not to volunteer any further information about me and what's
going on with me (good or bad) since I got burned by doing just that in the
beginning. Maybe this is not good, but to tell more is to be further rejected
and treated like a criminal. All I wanted was to have my friend tag along
without assumptions (true or not) and I did suggest a restaurant and they
refused that as well. If my life does not outwardly indicate a lifestyle (which
I've never put myself into that category of a "lifestyle", in other words, I
don't put myself into that bucket of being gay even though I would say I may
fall into that category just by my very attractions/desires) why not just take
what you see at face value and nothing more. If I were to be all "kissy kissy"
with someone then maybe I could see. Or if I said, "Here, meet my boyfriend"
then I could understand that as well because those things push things in
people's faces and I would never do that and never have. But to totally reject
even the thought of another gay person in my company in front of them is
hurtful. They feel it encourages me to be with gay friends, but I'm sorry,
currently nobody else really wants to be my friend so I get encouragement from
those others condemn. I would suggest then the next time they are in a
restaurant with an obvious waiter of the same persuasion to move to another
table so as to not be interacting with someone like that and supporting them
with their tip. I guess it makes me feel like if you can't interact with someone
who doesn't push an ajenda in your face in direct opposition to what you
believe, then how can you interact with your brother who doesn't do that
either??

When I stand back and try to observe myself, I find myself getting defensive
like this. How easy it is to become this way when you feel attacked and rejected
on every side. Again, it is no wonder why they non-christian gay person usually
has nothing to do with Christianity when they see these things. I know better
and it still affects me. At my brother's church lastnight the pastor said,
"Sometimes God treats us better than our Christian brothers and sisters in
Christ." I had to chuckle at that one because it's so true in what I've
expereienced. I watched "Prayers for Bobby" again over the weekend and just
sobbed. When he says, "Why would anybody choose this" (speaking of
attractions-not actions, of course) and him at least thinking he had tried
everything he could and nothing was working put him in such desperation. The
pressure just overwhelmed him. But it's too late for loved ones to finally
understand that concept when what Bobby did happens in their own family.

Troy

--- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, Thom Hunter <th2950@...> wrote:
>
> Troy,
>
> This is a really tough one. Unfortunately, the burden of having a struggle
with unwanted same-sex attraction, as opposed to being openly gay, is a very big
burden.  The lack of understanding of those who do not struggle is just
something we often have to add to the load.  A lot of it is fear and some of it
is just experience, especially if they have been disappointed in our efforts in
the past.  It raises the level of skepticism.  If we have been deceptive in
the past, it is a very slow process of regaining trust.  I'm not making any
assumptions about you and how your past experiences with your family might have
played out.
>
> Reality, as cruel as it is, is that your brother does have a right to draw the
line about who visits his home.  And, while it does appear a bit
self-righteous, apparently your sister agrees with his decision.  Faced with
this, it seems like you have to decide whether the relationship with the gay
friend is valuable enough to risk further estrangement from your family.  In
other words, will they think you have chosen the gay friend over them? This
could further reinforce their apparent view that he is more than just a friend.
>
> Your brother ans sister may also be thinking that if you bring your friend
along, the conversation and everything else shifts, requiring them, out of
politeness, to accept someone they are uncomfortable with at this time, if your
gay friend is still in the lifestyle.  I agree with Paul that we need to be
compassionate as Christians even towards those who are willfully sinning. 
However, if your brother and sister are blind to that possibility right now, the
fellowship could be pretty jarring and damaging and embarrassing for your
friend.
>
> I know it's tough, but I think I would counter with an alternative, asking
them to meet you and your friend at an alternate site, like a restaurant. 
>
> I don't think your life will always be like this. The restoring of
relationships that have been damaged like these takes a good bit of time.  If
they love you, they are wanting to see consistent improvement in your
struggle. 
>
> I would do what I could to keep the family ties. 
>
> Thom
> http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
>
> --- On Sun, 11/8/09, Paul Silen <p_csilen@...> wrote:
>
> From: Paul Silen <p_csilen@...>
> Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Crushed Again
> To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Sunday, November 8, 2009, 2:50 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>  
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>       Hi Bondtk,
>
>  
>
> The problem is with your immediate family, not you! Are you brother and sister
both Christians? If so, they need to read their Bible. Now I can see their point
if you and your friend were having illicit relations and you were flaunting it,
(which I doubt). Then, they'd have reason to be upset and restrictive. But if
he's just a friend from out of town who is sleeping on your couch, I don't see
anything wrong with that. And your brother and sisiter need to be reminded that
The Church is supposed to be a sanctuary for sinners, not a mutual admiration
society for the self righteous.
>
>
>
> --- On Fri, 11/6/09, bondtk <bondtk@hotmail. com> wrote:
>
>
>
> From: bondtk <bondtk@hotmail. com>
>
> Subject: [ExGDBd] Crushed Again
>
> To: exgaydiscussionboar d@yahoogroups. com
>
> Date: Friday, November 6, 2009, 7:47 PM
>
>
>
>  
>
>
>
> Here I go again with my saga and sob story! But tonight my sister is in town
(staying with my brother nearby) but I also have a gay friend in town visiting
me. But they now tell me I'm not allowed to bring my friend with me because it
would be condoning something. I am very very hurt by this. I can't leave my
friend home alone and go visit them. They know my struggles and should
understand I survive on a handful of friends that the majority happen to be gay.
I have said over and over that I would NEVER push anything in anyone's face if
there was something to even push. But they look at it differently and "have
drawn the line" with being around anyone in my life that might be male and first
assume that all male friends have SSA. Is this what the rest of my life is going
to be like? I'm crushed!
>
>
>
> Troy
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Ken,

My heart breaks for your situation as I too know very well what you are going
through from first hand experience. I was married 17 years, (just divorced last
week after 3 long, weary, fierce years)doing the sames things you speak of.  One
mistake I personally believe I made was opening up to my wife about my life-long
passions and 2 1/2 year actions. I was actually on the way to talk to my brother
who is a pastor when my wife could tell something was wrong so I broke down big
time and told her most everything. Little did I know the horrible consequences
of telling her that day. The one person I felt I could trust with something I
never told anyone (that knew me) took that and used it fiercely against me and
spread it around to the 3 churches I had been part of, etc. Her pastor father
assisted her in taking all our household possessions and 3 children 2 states
away while I was at work and I could/would share more but most have read my
story on here so I won't write the "book" again (ha). For three years we've been
separated and just now officially divorced despite my begging and pleading for
forgiveness and another chance to restore our marriage. Obviously, this was too
much information for my wife to be able to handle and they decided to try and
destroy me rather than help me. I only say this to maybe suggest you contact a
3rd party first before letting your wife in on your problems. Some may have
great success and helpful wives, but I would ponder to guess that most would not
be strong enough to fight for their husbands. They just can't understand the
void we feel emotionally/physically due to various circumstances in our
backgrounds and like my wife could care less the "psychology" of it all which is
essential if the wife wants to help her husband. And like Tom said, choose
wisely who you share it with because news ("prayer requests") like this travel
fast in the Christian community unfortunately. I want to encourage you and not
discourage you. Accountability is also good if you can find someone helpful.
I've yet to find someone and I can't say I've been actively seeing someone
either. At this very point in my own life too many hurts/darts etc. have been
hurled my way on top of trying to cope with my SSA that my desire to fight is
close to nill. I've heard people tell me that you have to want to change your
actions or you're not going to get very far. I believe that but my "wanter" is
not where my heard/heart knows I should be going (if that makes sense). I also
believe Tom when he said the desires my never go away. It's a temptation some
are going to have to deal with probably their entire life. But it's what we do
with that temptation that makes the difference.

I don't know if what I said was much help, but know that you're not alone by any
means and there are other Christians out there fighting the same issue. Let me
know if you want to talk further. I don't claim to have all the answers nor
doing it right. But I've learned just talking to others helps me a great deal. I
get very lonely and down sometimes feeling abandoned by my former church and
rejected my many people.

Troy

--- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Ken" <terrygreanwood@...> wrote:
>
> Hello, I am a married guy for 13 years and have had attractions to men for
many years and have acted on them as well regretfully.  I have tried to stop ,
but as of yet I have not been able to. I believe it has hurt the intimacy in my
marriage with my wife and the deceit has caused me extreme anxiety and moodiness
as well.  I want to be faithful and have recently started going to Church and I
am praying to God to help me. If anyone has any good advice for me I would
greatly appreciate it.  Thank you..
>

Ken,

Your honesty in admitting your lack of resistance to the temptation of
homosexuality is the first step.  Being willing to confess that makes it more
difficult for Satan to use it against you.  Like you, I was at one point very
strongly seeking a total stop to the attraction itself.  That's not always how
it works out.  Being tempted is not a sin -- even Christ faced every temptation
known to man -- but acting out on the temptation is very clearly a sin, as we
know from God's Word.  As much as we would all like for the temptation itself
to be removed completely from out lives, we really need to focus out strength on
the practical process of not acting on those temptations when they come upon us.

It is important to put some barriers in place.  I don't know if your acting out
begins with an Internet connection or if you go to some of the cruising places
in your area.  Obviously, you need some accountability to make it more
difficult.  Filters and software such as Covenant Eyes can help, but you will
still need a dependable accountability partner.  And, of course, you have to
resist going to the places where you know you can find sexual partners.

Do you have any local ministries in your area, such as an Exodus group?  Not
only do they provide teaching, but the small groups allow for safe confession,
which is important to the removal of the guilt and shame that pulls us down and
makes us vulnerable.

It is fantastic that you are going to church.  I hope you have found one of the
rare churches where the pastor or a male leader is open to walking with you. 
Having a good, strong safe friend to meet with on a regular basis who is aware
of your temptation is really valuable.  But, you need confidentiality and
compassion, so choose carefully if you decide to go there. The last thing you
need is rejection.

I can tell you want to move beyond this shadow of the deceit, which is, in some
ways, far more damaging to our souls than the actual sin of homosexuality.  I
have been where you are, for even a longer time period than you mentioned.  My
wife and I have a very restored marriage and a deeper love than ever.

I am glad to be walking with you.

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

--- On Mon, 11/9/09, Ken <terrygreanwood@...> wrote:

From: Ken <terrygreanwood@...>
Subject: [ExGDBd] HOW CAN I STOP THE STRONG HOLD OF THIS ATTRACTION?
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, November 9, 2009, 1:48 AM







 









       Hello, I am a married guy for 13 years and have had attractions to men for
many years and have acted on them as well regretfully.  I have tried to stop ,
but as of yet I have not been able to. I believe it has hurt the intimacy in my
marriage with my wife and the deceit has caused me extreme anxiety and moodiness
as well.  I want to be faithful and have recently started going to Church and I
am praying to God to help me. If anyone has any good advice for me I would
greatly appreciate it.  Thank you..

























[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello, I am a married guy for 13 years and have had attractions to men for many
years and have acted on them as well regretfully.  I have tried to stop , but as
of yet I have not been able to. I believe it has hurt the intimacy in my
marriage with my wife and the deceit has caused me extreme anxiety and moodiness
as well.  I want to be faithful and have recently started going to Church and I
am praying to God to help me. If anyone has any good advice for me I would
greatly appreciate it.  Thank you..

Troy,

This is a really tough one. Unfortunately, the burden of having a struggle with
unwanted same-sex attraction, as opposed to being openly gay, is a very big
burden.  The lack of understanding of those who do not struggle is just
something we often have to add to the load.  A lot of it is fear and some of it
is just experience, especially if they have been disappointed in our efforts in
the past.  It raises the level of skepticism.  If we have been deceptive in
the past, it is a very slow process of regaining trust.  I'm not making any
assumptions about you and how your past experiences with your family might have
played out.

Reality, as cruel as it is, is that your brother does have a right to draw the
line about who visits his home.  And, while it does appear a bit
self-righteous, apparently your sister agrees with his decision.  Faced with
this, it seems like you have to decide whether the relationship with the gay
friend is valuable enough to risk further estrangement from your family.  In
other words, will they think you have chosen the gay friend over them? This
could further reinforce their apparent view that he is more than just a friend.

Your brother ans sister may also be thinking that if you bring your friend
along, the conversation and everything else shifts, requiring them, out of
politeness, to accept someone they are uncomfortable with at this time, if your
gay friend is still in the lifestyle.  I agree with Paul that we need to be
compassionate as Christians even towards those who are willfully sinning. 
However, if your brother and sister are blind to that possibility right now, the
fellowship could be pretty jarring and damaging and embarrassing for your
friend.

I know it's tough, but I think I would counter with an alternative, asking them
to meet you and your friend at an alternate site, like a restaurant. 

I don't think your life will always be like this. The restoring of relationships
that have been damaged like these takes a good bit of time.  If they love you,
they are wanting to see consistent improvement in your struggle. 

I would do what I could to keep the family ties. 

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

--- On Sun, 11/8/09, Paul Silen <p_csilen@...> wrote:

From: Paul Silen <p_csilen@...>
Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Crushed Again
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, November 8, 2009, 2:50 PM







 









       Hi Bondtk,

 

The problem is with your immediate family, not you! Are you brother and sister
both Christians? If so, they need to read their Bible. Now I can see their point
if you and your friend were having illicit relations and you were flaunting it,
(which I doubt). Then, they'd have reason to be upset and restrictive. But if
he's just a friend from out of town who is sleeping on your couch, I don't see
anything wrong with that. And your brother and sisiter need to be reminded that
The Church is supposed to be a sanctuary for sinners, not a mutual admiration
society for the self righteous.



--- On Fri, 11/6/09, bondtk <bondtk@hotmail. com> wrote:



From: bondtk <bondtk@hotmail. com>

Subject: [ExGDBd] Crushed Again

To: exgaydiscussionboar d@yahoogroups. com

Date: Friday, November 6, 2009, 7:47 PM



 



Here I go again with my saga and sob story! But tonight my sister is in town
(staying with my brother nearby) but I also have a gay friend in town visiting
me. But they now tell me I'm not allowed to bring my friend with me because it
would be condoning something. I am very very hurt by this. I can't leave my
friend home alone and go visit them. They know my struggles and should
understand I survive on a handful of friends that the majority happen to be gay.
I have said over and over that I would NEVER push anything in anyone's face if
there was something to even push. But they look at it differently and "have
drawn the line" with being around anyone in my life that might be male and first
assume that all male friends have SSA. Is this what the rest of my life is going
to be like? I'm crushed!



Troy



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

























[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Bondtk,
 
The problem is with your immediate family, not you! Are you brother and sister
both Christians? If so, they need to read their Bible. Now I can see their point
if you and your friend were having illicit relations and you were flaunting it,
(which I doubt). Then, they'd have reason to be upset and restrictive. But if
he's just a friend from out of town who is sleeping on your couch, I don't see
anything wrong with that. And your brother and sisiter need to be reminded that
The Church is supposed to be a sanctuary for sinners, not a mutual admiration
society for the self righteous.

--- On Fri, 11/6/09, bondtk <bondtk@...> wrote:


From: bondtk <bondtk@...>
Subject: [ExGDBd] Crushed Again
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, November 6, 2009, 7:47 PM


 



Here I go again with my saga and sob story! But tonight my sister is in town
(staying with my brother nearby) but I also have a gay friend in town visiting
me. But they now tell me I'm not allowed to bring my friend with me because it
would be condoning something. I am very very hurt by this. I can't leave my
friend home alone and go visit them. They know my struggles and should
understand I survive on a handful of friends that the majority happen to be gay.
I have said over and over that I would NEVER push anything in anyone's face if
there was something to even push. But they look at it differently and "have
drawn the line" with being around anyone in my life that might be male and first
assume that all male friends have SSA. Is this what the rest of my life is going
to be like? I'm crushed!

Troy











[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Troy, I am sure your sister and brother-in-law are laboring to understand
your SSA struggle. I am guessing they feel that your holding onto some gay
friends is walking too close to the edge of temptation. Only you and God
know where that line is for you.

I know you'd like to see them be more accepting and less judgmental. It's a
situation that needs much prayer, remembering that "love covers a multitude
of sins" ‹ theirs and yours. I pray for God's patience for you all.

Debbie

Good Guys,

At the request of The Baptist Messenger, I've written a two-part series
on how churches can better address the issue of homosexuality among
Christians and church members. I believe it's crucial for churches -- no
matter what the denomination --  to come to a Biblical understanding on
which to build a compassionate response to help those who struggle with
the temptation and seek freedom from the sin of homosexual acting out.

I hope you'll take a moment to read the first of the two-part series,
which went on line yesterday.  It is bold of the Messenger to take this
on.  If you would like to leave a comment for them, you can do so at
their website after reading the story.

Here's the link:  http://www.baptistmessenger.org/
<http://www.baptistmessenger.org/>

God Bless,

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Here I go again with my saga and sob story! But tonight my sister is in town
(staying with my brother nearby) but I also have a gay friend in town visiting
me. But they now tell me I'm not allowed to bring my friend with me because it
would be condoning something. I am very very hurt by this. I can't leave my
friend home alone and go visit them. They know my struggles and should
understand I survive on a handful of friends that the majority happen to be gay.
I have said over and over that I would NEVER push anything in anyone's face if
there was something to even push. But they look at it differently and "have
drawn the line" with being around anyone in my life that might be male and first
assume that all male friends have SSA. Is this what the rest of my life is going
to be like? I'm crushed!

Troy

Just putting my 2 cents in saying I appreciate those who participate in this
group forum. It is encouraging to know there are other Christians in the same
boat as me. I personally believe it is more difficult to be Christian AND have
SSA than to not be Christian.  So my vote is to keep it going!!

Thanks

Troy

Good Guys,

I have a couple of questions on my blog this week that I would really
appreciate some help with.  They have to do with the church and its
responsiveness to those who struggle with sexual brokenness.  If you get
a chance to visit the blog, I'd appreciate your input . . . and I might
put some of those answers back here to the group so everyone can see
them.

Here's the opening graph of the blog this week:

Can any four words be more generational than "Are we there yet?"  The
rambunctious and rowdy Mayflower mini-Pilgrims in the 1600s . . . Laura
in the wagon headed to the Little House on the Prairie . . . the
littlest Egyptians wandering in the wilderness . . . Tom Joad heading to
California to pick grapes . . . the huddled masses yearning to breathe
free . . . anyone headed to Colorado.

God Bless,

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
<http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sigh. Apologies to the group. Somehow, Charles' comment has been reproducing
itself in a SPAM-like manner — why, I can't say. So it has inadvertently been
posted several times here. I hope this is the last one.

Debbie

--- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Charles David Evans" <chuckee@...>
wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>  ----- Original Message ------
>  From:Charles David Evans
>  Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:57
>  To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
>  Cc: debbie@... debbie@...; moreytom@... moreytom@...;
>  Subject:FW: Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???
>
>
>
>
>
>



  Whoa!!! (Alan, Tom, Debbie and other Thom!)
>
> My dear Brothers and Sister in Christ.
> All I ask of you guys is, that should this forum close, please look out for
me.
> I have over time received such encouragement and been in touch with each of
YOU personally (having picked up His-Kindred-Spirit) through this forum. I am at
a watershed and incredible place in my life right now.
> Only this morning, I had a major-breakthrough-meeting with my Pastor and
counsellor at my local church,
> (who has walked a long and patient journey side-by-side with me for more than
20 years.)
> I feel I have had a clarion-call to ministry in and to gay/people dealing
with SSA/brokeness. I have previously shared this with some of you. He and I
have discussed this for nearly a year now, and he is prepared to support and
cousel/mentor me in the field of counseling and instructing, both individuals
and interested parties and Churches in this regard.
> Please PRAY for me and this potential ministry, particularly at this time. God
is moving and will fulfill His purposes. "He who began a Good work in you, is
Faithful to complete it" -  Philippians. 1:6
>
> Yours-in-and-through Him,
> Charles (Chuck)
>
>
>

>
>  ----- Original Message ------
>  From:Charles David Evans
>  Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:57
>  To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
>  Cc: debbie@... debbie@...; moreytom@... moreytom@...;
>  Subject:FW: Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???

>
>





>
>





>
>





>
>

>
>  ----- Original Message ------
>  From:Charles David Evans
>  Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:54
>  To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
>  Cc: moreytom@... moreytom@...;
>  Subject:Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???

>
>





>
>




  Dear Alan,
>
> Although I got contact of this forum through a friend of mine a couple of
years ago and also haven't ever really posted, I personally have gleaned and
gained much from the group and posts. I believe there may be many others that
peruse and receive benefit from it, without necessarily contributing. I know I
have often referred to the archives. DO keep the forum open and running, if only
for reference purposes!
> (In particular I can think of Tom Morey's Godly advice and wise counsel.)
> Over the years, I have learned much here. I firmly believe and know that God
is still at work, even though it is not always evident.
>
> "Keep the Faith!"
>
> Blessings,
> Charles
>
>

>
>  

>
>



   




>
> Dear Alan,
>
> Well, the life cycle of the group has probably passed, and we have all taken
different roads. It has fulfilled its purpose so far, and in its time. Now new
challenges are ahead for the new generations. I would say, since people are
getting their healing needs met, it may be wise simply to leave the group as a
reminder and archive of the process many have shared in the posts.
>
> Love in Jesus,
>
> A
>
> ________________________________
> From: ncxds <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
> To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Thu, 29 October, 2009 17:35:42
> Subject: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???
>
> I checked the stats and it looks we have dropped from 100s of posts each month
to less than a few posts each week!! Seems God has sent us all in different
directions and people are getting their healing needs met elsewhere.
>
> Should we close the group?? The Links website went down this past week due to
the closure by Yahoo of GeoCities. That was our main referall for people to
reach this group.
>
> I have not been actively involved for several years due to family, work, and
church needs.
>
> Is anyone else willing to take over and re-grow? or should we shut down? or
should we just leave it as-is, a place where people can come with their
problems, even if it is less often than before!?!?
>
> What do you guys think? I would especially like to hear from the moderators.
>
> And, BTW, Mods.... THANKS for keeping this group going in my absence. It means
a lot to me!!!
>
> --Alan Levering, Founder & Director
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>













>
>
>
>

>
>
>
>

>
>
>
>
>
>

>
>
>
>

>
>
>
>

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

 ----- Original Message ------
 From:Charles David Evans
 Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:57
 To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
 Cc: debbie@... debbie@...; moreytom@...
moreytom@...;
 Subject:FW: Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???






 
 
 
  Whoa!!! (Alan, Tom, Debbie and other Thom!)

My dear Brothers and Sister in Christ.
All I ask of you guys is, that should this forum close, please look out for me.
I have over time received such encouragement and been in touch with each of YOU
personally (having picked up His-Kindred-Spirit) through this forum. I am at a
watershed and incredible place in my life right now.
Only this morning, I had a major-breakthrough-meeting with my Pastor and
counsellor at my local church,
(who has walked a long and patient journey side-by-side with me for more than 20
years.)
I feel I have had a clarion-call to ministry in and to gay/people dealing with
SSA/brokeness. I have previously shared this with some of you. He and I have
discussed this for nearly a year now, and he is prepared to support and
cousel/mentor me in the field of counseling and instructing, both individuals
and interested parties and Churches in this regard.
Please PRAY for me and this potential ministry, particularly at this time. God
is moving and will fulfill His purposes. "He who began a Good work in you, is
Faithful to complete it" -  Philippians. 1:6

Yours-in-and-through Him,
Charles (Chuck)




 ----- Original Message ------
 From:Charles David Evans
 Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:57
 To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
 Cc: debbie@... debbie@...; moreytom@...
moreytom@...;
 Subject:FW: Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???









 ----- Original Message ------
 From:Charles David Evans
 Sent:Friday, October 30, 2009 17:54
 To:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com;
 Cc: moreytom@... moreytom@...;
 Subject:Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???




 
 
 
 
  Dear Alan,

Although I got contact of this forum through a friend of mine a couple of years
ago and also haven't ever really posted, I personally have gleaned and gained
much from the group and posts. I believe there may be many others that peruse
and receive benefit from it, without necessarily contributing. I know I have
often referred to the archives. DO keep the forum open and running, if only for
reference purposes!
(In particular I can think of Tom Morey's Godly advice and wise counsel.)
Over the years, I have learned much here. I firmly believe and know that God is
still at work, even though it is not always evident.

"Keep the Faith!"

Blessings,
Charles



 


 
 
 
   

Dear Alan,

Well, the life cycle of the group has probably passed, and we have all taken
different roads. It has fulfilled its purpose so far, and in its time. Now new
challenges are ahead for the new generations. I would say, since people are
getting their healing needs met, it may be wise simply to leave the group as a
reminder and archive of the process many have shared in the posts.

Love in Jesus,

A

________________________________
From: ncxds <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thu, 29 October, 2009 17:35:42
Subject: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???

I checked the stats and it looks we have dropped from 100s of posts each month
to less than a few posts each week!! Seems God has sent us all in different
directions and people are getting their healing needs met elsewhere.

Should we close the group?? The Links website went down this past week due to
the closure by Yahoo of GeoCities. That was our main referall for people to
reach this group.

I have not been actively involved for several years due to family, work, and
church needs.

Is anyone else willing to take over and re-grow? or should we shut down? or
should we just leave it as-is, a place where people can come with their
problems, even if it is less often than before!?!?

What do you guys think? I would especially like to hear from the moderators.

And, BTW, Mods.... THANKS for keeping this group going in my absence. It means a
lot to me!!!

--Alan Levering, Founder & Director

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Though it is not our intention to be in any kind of competition with this group,
let me remind folks that Thom Hunter and I also maintain blogs (and I also a
Web-based ministry outreach), both of which also provide a place for people who
may be struggling to come and raise questions or concerns.

In fact, I've thought about starting a weekly open forum day at The Formers
blog. I put a lot of information out, and Thom has some amazing posts where he
does a lot of reflecting. We are both open to having discussions here or on our
blogs. I haven't called for a lot of discussion at my blog, but I'd gladly
welcome more. I am still quite open to discussing things here, as well. And I am
happy to remain a moderator.

We want to see people getting help, no matter what avenue they take. I'm sure
folks are finding help just in browsing the archives here, too, as I know they
do at The Formers.

Just another thought.

Debbie
http://www.theformers.com
http://theformers.wordpress.com

--- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "p_csilen" <p_csilen@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> Judging from my past experience I think that the closure of this group is
inevidable. Here's why. Since I got my first computer which was eleven years
ago, this is the third exgay online recovery group that I have been involved in.
The two previous groups that I have been involved in have folded for the same
reasons that this group is in danger of doing the same. Incidentally, the other
two groups were also Christian based groups.
>
> In confronting same sex attraction the penetant is working with a carachter
defect that goes much deeper than a transgression against God's moral law. We're
working with a mind set that is so entrenched in our being that to obtain pure
victory is almost an impossible task. For going on fourteen years I have been
involved in Sex Addicts Annonimous. And I have seen the same scenario take place
over again. People come to a point in thier lives where they know that something
has to be done. So they join a church or a 12-Step support group to work with
it. Unfortunately there is very little success because either the penetant wants
to continue in his bad behaviors or becomes so overwhelmed with the process of
recovery the he just gives up. Then too, there are too many churches out there
who claim to have love and empathy, but they're anything but supportive.
>
> Again these theories that I present are based only on my observations. I'd
really hate to see this group fold.
>

Hi,

I understand your position.  This is not an easy battle and that's why support
is so vital.  Personally I think having a face-to-face accountability group in
addition to the on-line group is very important. I go weekly to mine and am
blessed greatly.  However, that type of situation usually allows for a weekly
meeting with teaching and confession and support time.  An on-line group allows
for a "help-me" moment that can be very useful.  And for some, it affords the
anonymity they need so badly.

You are right that most churches are not doing the job they should be and look
at this particular sin as greater than others.  The main reason they are not
being effective is a lack of training, a lack of commitment and a lack of
demonstration on the part of the struggler that their help is really needed. 
We're not very open in large numbers so it is easy for a church to blindly
declare that it just does not have that problem in its flock.  That, of course,
is untrue.

There is some movement.  As the culture presses further on this issue, the
churches are finding it more difficult to ignore.  For example, I was just asked
to write a two-part series for our statewide denominational newspaper.  It is to
run as a cover-story and come out during the annual meeting, a very bold move on
the part of the editor.  I think we need to remain consistent in our beliefs
about homosexuality and the truth that engaging in activity is sin.  Those of us
who struggle probably have the most to lose when church denominations water down
biblical truth for cultural comfort.

I hope the group does not dissolve.  If it does, I think we need to provide as
much advise and direction as possible for members. 

I know you have been in your addiction group for 14 years and in ex-gay groups
for 11.  That may seem like an exhausting unbearable length of time.  I
understand.  This seems to be an endless race for many.  So be it.  Running it
beats retreating when the desire is to honor God.

I think we need to be advocates for each other and for the truth.

Thom
http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/

--- On Fri, 10/30/09, p_csilen <p_csilen@...> wrote:

From: p_csilen <p_csilen@...>
Subject: [ExGDBd] Inevidable
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, October 30, 2009, 12:10 PM






 





                   Hi Everyone,



Judging from my past experience I think that the closure of this group is
inevidable. Here's why. Since I got my first computer which was eleven years
ago, this is the third exgay online recovery group that I have been involved in.
The two previous groups that I have been involved in have folded for the same
reasons that this group is in danger of doing the same. Incidentally, the other
two groups were also Christian based groups.



In confronting same sex attraction the penetant is working with a carachter
defect that goes much deeper than a transgression against God's moral law. We're
working with a mind set that is so entrenched in our being that to obtain pure
victory is almost an impossible task. For going on fourteen years I have been
involved in Sex Addicts Annonimous. And I have seen the same scenario take place
over again. People come to a point in thier lives where they know that something
has to be done. So they join a church or a 12-Step support group to work with
it. Unfortunately there is very little success because either the penetant wants
to continue in his bad behaviors or becomes so overwhelmed with the process of
recovery the he just gives up. Then too, there are too many churches out there
who claim to have love and empathy, but they're anything but supportive.



Again these theories that I present are based only on my observations. I'd
really hate to see this group fold.































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Everyone,

Judging from my past experience I think that the closure of this group is
inevidable. Here's why. Since I got my first computer which was eleven years
ago, this is the third exgay online recovery group that I have been involved in.
The two previous groups that I have been involved in have folded for the same
reasons that this group is in danger of doing the same. Incidentally, the other
two groups were also Christian based groups.

In confronting same sex attraction the penetant is working with a carachter
defect that goes much deeper than a transgression against God's moral law. We're
working with a mind set that is so entrenched in our being that to obtain pure
victory is almost an impossible task. For going on fourteen years I have been
involved in Sex Addicts Annonimous. And I have seen the same scenario take place
over again. People come to a point in thier lives where they know that something
has to be done. So they join a church or a 12-Step support group to work with
it. Unfortunately there is very little success because either the penetant wants
to continue in his bad behaviors or becomes so overwhelmed with the process of
recovery the he just gives up. Then too, there are too many churches out there
who claim to have love and empathy, but they're anything but supportive.

Again these theories that I present are based only on my observations. I'd
really hate to see this group fold.

Dear Alan,

Well, the life cycle of the group has probably passed, and we have all taken
different roads. It has fulfilled its purpose so far, and in its time. Now new
challenges are ahead for the new generations. I would say, since people are
getting their healing needs met, it may be wise simply to leave the group as a
reminder and archive of the process many have shared in the posts.

Love in Jesus,

A




________________________________
From: ncxds <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thu, 29 October, 2009 17:35:42
Subject: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???


I checked the stats and it looks we have dropped from 100s of posts each month
to less than a few posts each week!! Seems God has sent us all in different
directions and people are getting their healing needs met elsewhere.

Should we close the group?? The Links website went down this past week due to
the closure by Yahoo of GeoCities.  That was our main referall for people to
reach this group.

I have not been actively involved for several years due to family, work, and
church needs.

Is anyone else willing to take over and re-grow? or should we shut down? or
should we just leave it as-is, a place where people can come with their
problems, even if it is less often than before!?!?

What do you guys think? I would especially like to hear from the moderators.

And, BTW, Mods.... THANKS for keeping this group going in my absence. It means a
lot to me!!!

--Alan Levering, Founder & Director







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thanks, Brendan. In line with that message, I want to bring up something members
here may or may not be aware of. Uganda has stirred up international debate and
a lot of concern from a cross-section of activists, gays, ex-gays and Christians
because of a bill being put forward in their Parliament called the
Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009. It is tabled until early 2010, during which time
all those opposed to it hope to create enough public pressure to have it
withdrawn or changed substantially.

While Uganda's penal code already had stiff penalties in place for homosexuality
and other "crimes" of moral turpitude, this bill proposes even more draconian
punishments for gays in Uganda, including the death penalty for what it calls
"aggravated homosexuality," and fosters a witch-hunt atmosphere as anyone who
even knows of an active gay person can be jailed for not turning that person in
to authorities. Pastors and folks like me, who are involved in ministry outreach
to struggling homosexuals, could not legally maintain confidentiality and also
could face a prison sentence of up to three years for not turning in any person
suspected of homosexual "crimes."

Dr. Warren Throckmorton has launched a Facebook group to keep folks informed
about the situation. It provides action steps for those who want to speak out.
The group should have or exceed 1,000 members before today is out. I encourage
you to check it out or join, if you are a Facebook user. You also can find quite
a bit of information on Throckmorton's blog, http://wthrockmorton.com.

Debbie Thurman
TheFormers.com

--- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Brendan Irvine" <onerepmax@...>
wrote:
>
> G'day all
>
>
>
> A Melbourne Pastor preached this message last week. I'm not sure how long
> the link will be active - I'm told one week.
>
>
>
> http://www.baysidechurch.com.au/index2.php?option=com_podcast
> <http://www.baysidechurch.com.au/index2.php?option=com_podcast&feed=RSS2.0&n
> o_html=1> &feed=RSS2.0&no_html=1
>
>
>
> It does not take a stance on whether homosexuality is right or wrong, but it
> does open doors for discussion on the topic of SSA. I think every Christian
> should hear this message. It might just change peoples' perspective on SSA
> so they can help rather than accuse.
>
>
>
> B.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

G'day all



A Melbourne Pastor preached this message last week. I'm not sure how long
the link will be active - I'm told one week.



http://www.baysidechurch.com.au/index2.php?option=com_podcast
<http://www.baysidechurch.com.au/index2.php?option=com_podcast&feed=RSS2.0&n
o_html=1> &feed=RSS2.0&no_html=1



It does not take a stance on whether homosexuality is right or wrong, but it
does open doors for discussion on the topic of SSA. I think every Christian
should hear this message. It might just change peoples' perspective on SSA
so they can help rather than accuse.



B.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

David,
What would be involved with taking over?




________________________________
From: David Hensley <peacanludwigcarbolic@...>
To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thu, October 29, 2009 4:44:03 PM
Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???


Don't give up the Ship!  I, for one, need to get more involved.  Sorry I haven't
been around.

David

____________ _________ _________ __
From: ncxds <no_reply@yahoogroup s.com>
To: exgaydiscussionboar d@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Thu, October 29, 2009 12:35:42 PM
Subject: [ExGDBd] Group Status - URGENT - close the group???


I checked the stats and it looks we have dropped from 100s of posts each month
to less than a few posts each week!! Seems God has sent us all in different
directions and people are getting their healing needs met elsewhere.

Should we close the group?? The Links website went down this past week due to
the closure by Yahoo of GeoCities. That was our main referall for people to
reach this group.

I have not been actively involved for several years due to family, work, and
church needs.

Is anyone else willing to take over and re-grow? or should we shut down? or
should we just leave it as-is, a place where people can come with their
problems, even if it is less often than before!?!?

What do you guys think? I would especially like to hear from the moderators.

And, BTW, Mods.... THANKS for keeping this group going in my absence. It means a
lot to me!!!

--Alan Levering, Founder & Director

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]