I'm putting up a fence in the back yard. I just put the posts in the holes and
they are leaning at an angle waiting to be tamped up straight and then concreted
into permanent place.

They are standing so tall. I'm staring at them and thinking, that's only six
feet high. It looks gigantic, towering.

Reality has a way of being so much more than we had imagined.

I suppose that's why there are so many things I haven't actually done. I have
imagined them. But I didn't really get how great they would be.

It's that way with so many things. We just don't realize how much better things
can be. And so we stay with the status quo. After all, things aren't so hard to
put up with the way they are.

That's why the dreamers are so important. They see it. They see how much better
something can be. They want it.

The good news is that we are all dreamers to one extent or another. Think of all
the things you've imagined and done, how great it is when something you
visualized happens.

Dreaming is a muscle. It grows stronger the more you exercise it.

My dream is able to lift five thousand pounds now with one finger. Man is it
getting strong!


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/20/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Good and evil reside within us, what we call good and evil.

But it depends on whose ox is being gored.

The theory of relativity becomes universal. Everything is relative.

And what is the absolute that it is relative to?

The divine.

Yet that is relative too for most of us. We try to create God as an absolute.
For the fundamentalist, God is absolutely absolute. But for me, I have been
taught to honor the god of my own understanding. How each of us thinks of the
divine is how God is for us. For an atheist God is a null field. For me the
divine is within all things.

Therefore good and evil are divine manifestations. What I call good or evil
depends on how something hurts or benefits me. To the extent that I am
codependent, or perhaps better to say empathetic or spiritually connected, I
benefit or am hurt by what happens to others or to an animal or to Gaia.

So God is just as evil as the devil because He created the devil. He's all
powerful isn't he. The logic is inescapable. But that's the logical consequence
of fundamentalist thinking.

Isn't it fun to think these things out?

None of it matters though because the divine is a gift within me that knows no
logic, transcends understanding to such an extent that the arguments become
almost silly.

Yet I am in a world in which these questions are of utmost importance to many
people.

It's all so relative that it is impossible to give objective answers. These are
subjective questions because everything is relative.

Circle and gotcha!

(I'm sending this out right now before I rethink it and change the whole
thought.)

Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/18/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Honesty is the great unrecognized, dishonored virtue.

The truth, politically speaking is seen as almost irrelevant. In fact, telling
the truth is generally regarded as naive unless it just happens to correspond
with what is politically appealing.

Truth in advertising is an oxymoron. Enough said about that.

And so we have these models of behavior parading before us constantly. The truth
becomes something that is used if useful, discarded if it doesn't serve a
particular purpose.

In conversations I often find that the truth is totally ignored. Most people
don't really want to get to the bottom of a question. They prefer to move on and
score points in some other way.

This is a spiritual challenge.

I need to be around people who practice honesty at the deepest levels, people
who value the truth.

That's the real spiritual question: Is honesty to be honored?

I wonder what the connection is between the two words, honesty and honor? They
begin pretty much the same. Do they have the same root?

Ah yes, they do. They are the same, from the Latin honos, meaning virtue.

Do I need to be able to figure out when I should be honest, or is it something I
can just be all the time and not worry about it?

Trick question: Should we tell someone we don't like their shirt?

Answer: Only if they ask, and then, yes.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/17/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Thoughts form, coalesce into words, expressions.

But the words cannot really contain all of the thought. It spills over the
words, spreads into other nearby words.

Words are limitations to thoughts. They define an idea in some particular way.
But the idea wants to move, evolve. The words want it to stay still, become
something that can be used in a calculation, a formulation of an idea, a
philosophy. So belief systems are expressed in words that try to convey a
spiritual idea.

Our thoughts go beyond the words so quickly. We transcend them as we think them.
They are living creatures, free and wild. They run into the wilderness and beget
other ideas who cannot be contained either.

Sticking to what we said is a paradoxically noble thing. What we say, what we
promise works two ways.

What am I saying?

The very saying of it is the contradiction of it. Reality will burst through
what I say no matter how I say it.

Meet your obligations? That's a good thing that can go bad in the instant of the
growth of the idea that begat the promise.

What I say, what wisdom there may be in it, grows within itself, changes,
perhaps even transmutes into its opposite.

Effortlessly.

My beliefs change before my very eyes.

I am alive, growing, accepting, shifting with the moment.

It is the stillness, the peace of allowing all things be as they are. I am
swallowed again and again by the quicksand of my own beliefs.

This is a beautiful thing when I realize fully the power of the divine, to take
me anywhere at any time. The only time it doesn't seem beautiful is when I am
clinging to old ideas, old definitions, old beliefs that have been transcended
by a beautiful moment of truth that I cannot keep up with, am even afraid of.

So I let go, allow this infinite potential to go beyond the way I have described
it.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/16/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

It's wonderful not to be driven, not to be seeking perfection, not to worry if
everything isn't exactly right.

I like to relax and let the beautiful unfold. I sit and contemplate and
gradually realize that I need to put the coat of varnish on the bed frame I
built. I get up and in full ADD swing realize the weed eater is charged up again
and I can trim the weeds around the foundation of the house.

I go to the garage workshop, look at the bed frame pieces and say mañana.
There's the weed eater hanging on the wall charging.

Bzzzzz......bzzzzzz......done. Weed eater back hanging on the wall charging.

The weed eater has its own built in laziness factor. It will only go about ten
minutes before it needs to be recharged. No danger of overwork here.

I used to have a friend who never dwelt on the past. He believed it was in the
past, gone, kaput. It was time to do what was in front of him.

That's a very productive attitude, very much in the now in a way.

But not in the way I want to live.

I love looking at my life, what I've done, reminiscing within, looking at what
is now, wandering back into the past, daydreaming, letting my consciousness do
it's evolving, healing, or just plain enjoying thing.

So I close my eyes and go even deeper into the stillness.

This is what I do now: Love the way things are.

Plenty of time to fix the yard, the bed frame, the world.

In the infinite we have all the time we need.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/13/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

The labyrinth in the back yard is becoming something very special.

When we moved into the house it was December. Everything was gray and leafless.
Well, not exactly leafless. There are  eight or nine very large trees in the
yard and they left many leaves even after the previous owners had done their
usual thorough job of dealing with the fallings of autumn.

It was hard to see what would become of things when spring came. It turns out to
be quite amazing. The trees are lofty with green. The ground is green with grass
and violets and so many other living things. The green covered up the red
granite rocks that formed the labyrinth.

The mower turns out to fit neatly inside the walking pattern and I was able to
mow the path. It required the weed eater to make the rocks visible again. They
are now vivid against the green grass.

It's almost more than I can bear. I think about nothing else. It's all turning
out so beautifully. I can say that I expected nothing less. And I did. I really
did. But it's still too sweet for words, the reality of it all.

I will walk the labyrinth tomorrow and then sit on the bench in the center and
look back at the house, the trees, the garage workshop, watch the squirrels and
birds. Laurie will come out and sit beside me and we'll contemplate what has
happened here. Life is good, complete.

I've always managed somehow to like where I was, find the good things, enjoy
them. But this?

This is way over the top. The screened in front porch is surrounded by gentle
neighborhood quiet.

But most of all, I have the time to appreciate it. And I do.

I sit and contemplate it more than half the time.

Then I get up and rake or cut or build until my back and out of breathness tell
me to sit and contemplate again, the yoga of yard work.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/11/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Ah, the mind manipulation, the prized behavior of the person who is out to win
at all costs. And costs there are.

To see mind manipulation in action it is best to watch someone do it to someone
you care about. It is always easier to learn by watching than by examining the
painful truth within.

The general pattern is that the perp does one good thing and uses that as
leverage to justify a host of other bad things. Then acts hurt as if you were
unable to love them in spite of all the good they have done. It's very simple.

But it is so effective.

The ultimate manifestation is that when confronted with the things they've done
they turn it around, act hurt and manage to convince you that you're a bad
person for having confronted them. After all, look at all the good things
they've done for you.

The problem for the victim is that we all have guilt feelings, doubt our own
worth. There was a study that showed that eighty or so percent of successful
people believed that they were not really worthy of their success. Deep down
they feared they would be found out and fired.

What's the first thing to do about a mind manipulation?

It's the same thing we need to do about any other problem. Go to the stillness.
Allow the inner voices to do their thing. Listen to them and don't argue with
your mind. Just observe. Watch it show you the craziness. You could call it the
monkeys in the trees, as the Buddhists do. Or you could  call it a cleansing
process.

At peace with myself, nobody can accuse me of anything.

Love thy enemy is a long ways down the road. But it's there. It may be miles and
miles, the other side of the mountain, not only invisible from where we are, but
unimaginable.

Loving thyself comes way first. Do that and the path becomes more and more
beautiful as love does her incredible thing.

When I stop thinking of how to defend myself no one can hurt me. When I love me
there's no defense. I just don't need it.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/11/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

The other day I saw a film starring Jimmy Stewart as Carbine Williams, the man
who invented the Carbine rifle. Carbine's early life had a rather bad beginning
as he was sentenced to thirty years in prison for killing one of the agents that
came to bust up his still.

It was by no means clear that he had killed the officer but he ended up taking
the rap because it was, after all, his still. He felt the whole process was
outrageously unjust, starting with the simple fact that they raided his still.

In the course of his resentment he stood up to the warden in front of the other
prisoners and was put in solitary confinement on bread and water until he
apologized, which he absolutely refused to do.

The previous record for being in this particular solitary confinement had been
seven days before the prisoner broke. Carbine was still unapologetic after
thirty days.

This solitary confinement was in a cell too small to stand up in or stretch out
in any way. So it was hard on the back and all the muscles and joints, extremely
so. It was so hard on his body that the prison physician declared that Carbine's
life was in danger from the stresses of the confinement and went over the
warden's authority and released him for medical reasons.

The warden knew in his heart that Carbine was really right in their
confrontation and that he should not have put him in solitary in the first
place. But having been humiliated in front of the other prisoners he felt that
he had to make an example of Carbine.

It didn't work.

After his release he called Carbine into his office for a talk. He was curious
how Carbine had been able to withstand the torture of his solitary confinement
without breaking as every other prisoner had.

Carbine's answer was interesting. He said that the human mind could not think of
two things at once. He had devoted himself to concentrating on developing a new
firing mechanism for rifles, one that would be faster, more efficient, and weigh
considerably less. He went over and over the design problems, focusing
exclusively on  that, ignoring completely the messages from his body about the
pain it was in.

He literally could have died from the conditions. But he knew a secret about the
human mind, a powerful and important lesson.

Amazing the things you can learn from movies.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/10/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

I just heard a commercial blaming progress for our ills. The commercial doesn't
matter, really. But the notion that progress is somehow responsible for the
problems of modern society is a fairly common Luddite idea.

Progress is really a spectacular and beneficial thing. The only problem is
something peripheral to progress, greed. Progress does enable greed, makes it
more powerful, more efficient. But it's not the progress that causes the
suffering.

When Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin it freed up the time of a hundred
workers, replaced them with one guy to run the cotton gin. That's a good thing.
What's not a good thing is that greed fired the other ninety-nine. Yes, it was
greed, not just a better way of doing business.

In a true community we do things for each other. We share. We help. We care
about each other. In a true community you wouldn't let anyone starve. But we
are. We're letting people get sick and not caring for them. We're ripping each
other off, trying to con people into parting with their money. The big, serious
criminals, the white collar guys, the bankers, the lawyers, the oil companies,
they have virtually no consequences for their criminal behavior. After all, they
legalized it long ago.

So, what is the spiritual response to all of this?

Love thy enemy doesn't mean enable him. This is where tough love comes in.

A spiritually aware person doesn't feel guilty about tough love. Tough love
requires doing things, taking action. And yet there is still a wei wu wei in all
of this. It means waiting for the right action to arise, become clear. It means
acceptance. But the acceptance is the acceptance of responsibility. It means
going with the Tao, the path of right action that flows by itself, naturally
from full consciousness.

So, hello world. What are we going to do about you?


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/9/08, St. Louis, MO

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out.

I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Tree has no distinguishing characteristics that make it a particularly noble and
beautiful tree. It stands outside my window standing tall and green like any
other tree. In fact, there is an awkwardness to its symmetry.

It's like this moment, which is perfectly ordinary, becoming beautiful because
of me.

Isn't that wonderful what I can do? I can make the world or this moment
beautiful.

I immediately question the ego centered nature of this self love, this
appreciation of my own consciousness.

Ah, but I am too beautiful to question it for long. It is something for someone
else to object to. I just love me too much.

I let Me bounce around in the universe, let the words attract each other, gather
to honor Me.

Me, I, Myself, God, Consciousness, Love, Truth, Beauty, Imperfection,
Forgiveness, Caring, Honoring, Respectfulness.

God says, I Am.

I repeat God's words and find them to be True.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/8/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

A loved child has many names. And everything I say or do is in some way a child
of my consciousness.

And so I surround you with names, free you from the one name, take us toward the
infinite.

Words define. Definitions describe, but they also limit, put boundaries around.

And so I look at the tree and its names flow: Roots, Leaves, Branches, Reaching,
Waving, Growing, Standing Tall. It is still Tree. But Tree deepens, opens,
becomes one with the universe, flows into its nature when I allow its many names
to float in my consciousness. I surround it with my deepening love that expands
as the words appear and release it for the next and the next and the next
caressing of its nature.

Finally there is a sense of Tree that includes all meaning. Tree is one with all
things, sharing the love and caring and beauty, the connectedness with the
earth, with me, with the birds, with the wind, the sun, the rain, spring, fall,
the barrenness of winter as she stands bare branched, outlined against the
winter sky.

Finally the words have done their work. Loved, they plant themselves in my
consciousness and they grow. Every idea, every concept, every word reflecting
them has a life of its own.

When I allow them their freedom they grow into each other, have their own
children who grow towards each other, filling my consciousness with that which
is beyond them yet within them. Beyond me, yet within me.

We have been led to the indescribable, the stillness within all motion.

Words, beautiful words. Allow them their freedom and they become guides.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/7/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Again the window beckons.

Any meditation device builds its own associations, triggers the contemplative
sense. The more you do it the deeper it gets.

My window is turning in to such a thing. I awaken in the middle of the night.
Going back to sleep begins with sitting up and gazing into the darkness, seeing
the outside light across the street, the tree limbs reaching into the night sky,
their arms leafy with life. Life is so beautifully abundant in the spring night.
The air comes in fresh and cool. I love this meditation.

The house is a dream come true. I hadn't realized it until it manifested. It is
mine. Ah, delicious attachment. The yard, the stillness.

It is life, reality. I don't get to choose everything about it. But I can accept
everything about it.

Now acceptance and love flow freely in the smooth quiet that summons inner
peace. There's no choice here, now. It's too beautiful.

Left to my own devices I will be at peace, in love.

What a blessed relief.

It's all revealed. The essence of spring is abundance.

Nothing to learn after you've learned to appreciate.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/6/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

There is a desire to be freed from all desire.

It shows the limitation of words. We could argue in circles forever about the
desirability of desire.

Buddha taught freedom from all desire as the ultimate release of spirit. There
are Christian teachings, Taoist wisdom, so many expressions of the desirability
of letting go of desire.

There is a deep meaning in the expression of that idea. But the words are like
fingers pointing to the moon. If you look at the fingers you will not see the
moon.

So what is the desire that is being talked about. We can surround it with other
words that point in the same direction: attachment, obsession, neediness. Those
kinds of desire are the basic sense of desire that we need to release, the kinds
of desire that hold us prisoner, make us think that we must have something in
order to achieve wholeness, happiness, bliss, oneness, pleasure, enjoyment of
life.

The desire can expand into the desire for food, pleasure, alcohol, anything we
think will give us what we don't already have. So desire is the mask of the
illusion that all is not well.

Within the sense of the divine in all things, desire becomes a whole other
thing. It becomes loving, caring, giving, gratitude. We desire to help, create,
be, do, communicate, pray, meditate.

I desire this that is. What I am, I love.

That desire.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/5/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

There is a form of thoughtlessness that is careless, ill informed,
inconsiderate, what we call ignorant, stoopid.

But there is another thoughtlessness which is free, transcendent, simplificent.

The first is the lack of observing and drawing conclusions, learning the lessons
of life. The second is the coming to understanding of what we can know and then
letting go, allowing things to simply be as they are, transcending the need to
label and therefore miscategorize.

So many patterns are on automatic. The brain records information. It also
automatically comes to its little conclusions as to what things are and how they
work. The brain, all by its little self makes many mistakes, lops things
together that don't belong.

Consciousness is the awareness of that process and the monitoring and correcting
of attitudes and ideas.

So when we reach the second kind of thoughtlessness we are transcending. That
means going beyond, not bypassing. It means we have thought things out, come to
understanding and seen into the reality beneath the illusion.

It is so natural to be lazy and thoughtless. It is also one of the divine gifts.
Consciousness is the beautiful thing that lifts us from the pits of sloth to the
sacred sense of letting go, doing not doing, being thoughtless.

Being aware is such a beautiful and simple thing. It takes us into the
namelessness, the uniqueness of all things. There we find the beautiful paradox
of the oneness of all things, an impossible thing to name, describe, or even
think through.

And so we become thoughtless, unattached, floating freely in the currents of the
divine consciousness.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/4/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

My morning meditation is staring out the bedroom window.

I think it's a variation of chop wood and carry water.

I don't really seem to have any issues right now. By that I mean things that
wrack my soul, torment me, make me seek solutions, things that would have driven
me to drugs, alcohol or going to a movie.

So during my meditation my mind is talking to me about how far apart to plant
the sunflowers, how far from the fence they should be, how much sun will they
get if I leave the tree branches to overhang? Things like that.

Then a squirrel scampers down the tree as if it were level ground. I'm
impressed. I'd be afraid the bark would come loose or something. But then, I'm
not a squirrel.

Maybe I shouldn't even call it a meditation. There are those who would argue
about depth of focus and concentration. But I am the wild man and I just do
things my way and it feels like meditation. I am unarguably contemplating
though. When I'm done I feel cleansed.

Actually I'm never really done. I just finally get up and start moving.

One of my favorite pieces of alleged information is a study done many years ago
that showed that the people who spent the most time staring out the window were
the most productive employees. God, I love that information. It has given me
such permission.

I do have so much to learn though. Nothing urgent. Just interesting.

I guess I'll just keep staring.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
5/3/08, St. Louis, MO

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out.

I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

I just saw the movie, The Soloist. It is a rare film, another category than even
the usual very good, well done films. It raises the bar. In fact, it eliminates
the bar entirely and floats freely in the spiritual space within utmost beauty.
It is a reverence.

Jamie Fox was incredible as Ray Charles. He goes a step further in this film as
a homeless dropout from Julliard sleeping under a statue of Beethoven.

I really can't say more about the actual story. But the spiritual story of the
film is extraordinary.

There is a place within us that is beautiful beyond description. Stillness
doesn't begin to describe it, really. For there is music. The sound is alive. It
speaks in beautifully energetic tones, leading us into the stillness with a
slowing of tempo, a suspension of time, until there we are, at the center beyond
manifestation. The manifestation leads us, but is not, itself, the thing. Music
takes us to that undifferentiated oneness.

Robert Downey sees it happen within Jamie Fox. He is awed by the phenomenon, but
doesn't seem to be able to experience within  himself what Jamie Fox
experiences. But he knows it is there. And we can feel it as we watch the film.
It is simply extraordinary to have captured that in a film.

And it's all in the midst of the human condition, poverty, insanity, homeless
shelter, rich people, policemen, newspaper writers.

Coming out of the theatre afterwards it was the wordless reverence, that
amazement. This doesn't happen very often. What? Once a decade? I don't know. I
can't remember. This one placed itself in my internal heavens and obliterates
all others.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/28/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Ah, the news.

Every now and then they fool me. They give me substantive information about
important things going on in the world. Then they give me a story about changing
the color of Barak Obama's swimming suit on the cover of a magazine. They ask,
Does this threaten the integrity of the journalistic process?

No, not really. But your story does.

I turn off the television.

It's a lot like drinking used to be. Every morning I'd wake up worn out, sick,
and resolve that I would not drink any more. Well, at least not today. My body
needed a rest.

Then I turn the television back on thinking maybe I'll get some real news again.
Or maybe something good. Same thing. Addiction. I flip the remote and am amazed
that out of sixty channels there's not one that I can endure much less really
want to watch.

Turn off the television.

Ah, the stillness.

She is still here, waiting, containing, allowing.

This is true love.

Silence consummates.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/25/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

I like nothing being urgent.

I wake up, allow my attention disorder full reign. It is my teacher, my guide.

Impulses flow gently now. They are not driven. They are little jewels, little
star parts of my consciousness, desserts being displayed by the divine.

I look up at the lilacs blooming outside the window. There's nothing to do but
appreciate the fact of them.

I write because it is delicious.

In the infinite there is all the time we need. And a fraction of infinity is
still infinity. When I let go and love there is nothing else.

I am letting it become usual, nourishing it, rewarding it with more
contemplation and savoring.

Yesterday the tires for Laurie's car came in. They weren't supposed to be here
for two more weeks. We have been driving my car because her old tires were
vibrating, a seeming emergency. But it wasn't. All in due time. The universe is
flowing in its way. The tires are on. I got lost trying another way to get to
the tire place. I got a speeding ticket in a little speed trap in Ferguson on
Florissant Road. The speed limit suddenly went from 35 mph to 25 mph on a busy
street with pretty much bumper to bumper traffic. I was polite to the officer.
She was explaining and justifying every aspect of giving me the ticket.

It's not so easy to savor that one. But I don't have to. Anger and resentment
are dear old friends that I greet from time to time too. There's no obligation
to be serene all the time either.

But here it is morning again and I can follow my little blisses. When I send
this out I think I'll go dig a couple more holes for my tomatoes. I may be
distracted on my way. But they'll get done eventually. There's plenty of time.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/24/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Either God or the seventh grade bioengineering class from Arcturus-9 has done a
magnificent job of creating the life forms of our planet.

I'm watching out my window at a branch of the maple tree that is beginning its
spring greening. A bright red cardinal lands on a branch, sits, contemplates in
its birdly way, then swoops down toward the lilac bush that is three feet from
my window.

It really is incredible to just sit and look at ordinary reality. The design is
pure genius. Everything is replicating itself, flowing abundance.

There's a young squirrel in the back yard who has a dancing thing that he does,
hopping up in the air, spinning around, landing and jumping a couple of feet,
bouncing back up in the air, climbing the tree, jumping off back down to the
ground and doing it all again.

We had thought it was a mating ritual. Maybe it still is. But he did it first
with the female, hopping at her, running circles around her, carrying on. Now
he's out in the back hopping playfully all by himself. It's a beautiful little
skittishness that has been gifted me by the universe, whoever created it.

I suppose that we have to call the seventh grade bioengineering class from
Arcturus-9 God.

Or are they just the angels?


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/23/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Last spring I began searching for a house. I was shocked to discover that I was
actually approved for a house loan. All my years of bad credit were so long ago
that they had forgotten that I didn't have any money. They seemed to think that
my retirement income made me a very good risk, I guess because of the state of
the economy.

So I'm looking good and searching. But I'm not looking as good as the bank
seemed to think. The amount they approved me for would have broken me, left me
with nothing but a house payment and beans and rice.

To find the house of my dreams on the limited budget I gave myself was a serious
discovery project. I looked and looked and looked. Hundreds of houses, hundreds
of hours of research, looking at real estate agents emails. It was a full time
job for nearly eight months.

The Taoist wisdom, wei wu wei, doing not doing, has an interesting application
in life.

Action is thrust upon us constantly. Decisions are demanded. If not demanded,
seduced from us in one way or another. We feel we must do things. We are faced
with situations that call upon us to act, to decide.

The spiritual thing, of course, is to take time, allow the thoughts to settle,
meditate. But during a salesman's closing efforts, who has time or even
inclination to meditate. Or when one is on a shopping mission to settle for
something that isn't quite what we set out to buy but we feel like we ought to
get something!

So the house search was practical taoism, resisting the urge to settle for
almost what I wanted.

There's an interesting paradox or apparent contradiction between acceptance of
what is offered by the universe and demanding more, better.

It's not really a contradiction though. It's just reality being hard to describe
in a few little clichés.

I was really following the Tao even though I was far from doing not doing. What
I was not-doing was buying. That's a big not-doing.

Acceptance of the universe means also accepting responsibility for realizing
one's purpose. Sometimes these things are very precise and understanding becomes
the key. Lao Tzu asked if we could wait until our mud settles.

My mud has settled. I love my new house. I made a beautiful red granite
labyrinth in the back yard and am about to plant my tomatoes. Everything is
green and trees and squirrels and birds. Robins, blue jays, cardinals, grackles,
of course, a pair of doves, a woodpecker.

Wei wu wei all the way.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/12/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

Remember who you are.

What does that mean?

It is a mystery, one of the most beautiful mysteries. But it is also simplicity
itself.

In the esoteric sense, the abstruse mystical sense, we may find ourselves
searching for our origin, that original pure sacred self that is pure spirit. We
have forgotten who we are. And so the mystery deepens as we look at the source
of our very being, God, the various incarnations of the self, the timeless being
trapped in this moment believing the illusion of the physical universe.

Or we can simply realize that who we are is our own higher selves. I am my best
and highest thoughts. I am the goodness I envision when I pray or meditate, or
when I resolve a difficult situation and come to higher understanding.

It is as simple as claiming my serenity, remembering who I am. Can I do that in
the midst of battle in the world? Can I remember who I am when thing are not
going well?

I am that beautiful child of the stillness. I am the man who experiences total
devotion to the beauty I see and feel in the world, in the universe, in your
eyes, in my heart.

I am that goodness.

When I call that goodness to consciousness I remember who I am.

I am love.

I remember now.

So beautiful to remember who I am, so simple.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
4/12/08, St. Louis, MO

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I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave., St.
Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962.

The Fright Before Christmas


`Twas the fright before Christmas and all
      through the mall
The shoppers, aggressive, were staging a
      brawl.
The children were jostled, so helpless, so
      small
And shoppers, they noticed them hardly at all.
I in my raincoat and Ma in her shawl
Had just stumbled out for one last Christmas
      haul.
Out on the street traffic slowed to a crawl
As the horns of great gridlock honked madly in
      sprawl.
With no snow to be found, gray skies cast a
      pall
There was rain coming down from a midwinter
      squall.
But Janie had written in her tiny scrawl
To Santa to ask for another damn doll
And Billy was whining, beginning to bawl
About wanting a new NBA basketball.
The holly and ivy that plastered each wall
Gave a holiday luster that filled us with gall
For both of us knew we were jammed to the wall
By the shopping that we should have done in
      the fall.

Merry Christmas,
John MacEnulty

Well, it has finally happened. I have moved. I just bought a house and
my partner, Laurie, and I are actually moved in with our friends, the
boxes.So here's the official word.

I have a new address and phone number, John MacEnulty, 8117 Nola Ave,
St. Louis, MO 63114, 314-395-9962. It's in an unincorporated area of
St. Louis County between University City and Normandy near St. Charles
Rock Road and North and South Blvd.

The house is three bedrooms, so I can at last have visitors. It has a
big, finished basement with a fireplace. There is a half and acre yard
with beautiful grandfather trees. Big garage workshop. Office space.
It's really my dream come true. If you are in St. Louis give me a call
and do drop by and say hello.

Much Love,

John

We are entering into an age of abundance beyond the comprehension of
almost everyone involved in managing our current society. And beyond
the comprehension of most of us who are the backbone of this world.

Cave men lived up to perhaps twenty-five years of age with a few who
may have lived up to forty or fifty years. In our era, the average
life span is sixty-five years world wide with a large number of people
living over a hundred years. Many of us living today will live
literally hundreds of years, even thousands.

Amazing.

Energy will be more abundant than anyone would have imagined except
for the visionary few. It would be today had we not, in our scarcity
mode, allowed the powers that be to limit us to oil based energy and
production systems.

But the greatest abundance of them all is love. It's something that
will grow into the future. It's an energy that will flood the world,
especially when the other abundances chase away the scarcities that
limit so many of us today

The best thing about it is that it's here now. You don't have to be a
futurist in order to love.

But you become a futurist when you love.

There's just no limit to it. Keep digging. It's an endless resource.

I love the endlessness of love.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/19/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

What do we really need to know?

Well, if story telling is the beautiful base to our knowledge, then we
need to know the things that flesh out the story, make it real.

At the top of the pyramid of information is the abstraction, the truth
we gain from the story, the relationship we understand. So a truth
like, Love is what matters most, is at the top of an infinite number
of pyramids. We go down the pyramid discovering more and more about
why love is what matters most.

Or, a good story teller may start at the base of the pyramid, tell the
whole story, and take us to the top of the pyramid for our abstract
realization from the story.

There is another version of what we need to know though. It is the
adversarial system of discovery, the trial system, the investigative
reporter, any place where interrogation is practiced. Interrogation
sneaks into our lives disguised as the need to know.

What some of the best interrogators have come to realize, though, is
that when you can get someone to voluntarily tell their story you get
the best information.

Let those you love tell their stories in their way, in their time.
Interrogation doesn't take us to the beautiful top of the pyramid.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/15/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

I sit at my desk in my new house, roll the bamboo curtain open, and
the world comes alive. Well, not really alive. We are in the dread of
winter, trees barren, cold wind blowing, even the evergreens are gray.

My computer is a welcome mat.

All is in boxes. More boxes to get today. Empty out the old apartment
of my pack ratty life style, scraps of wood, relics. The locker is
still full of books and stuff. They are closed today. Sunday, and they
are closed, a sacred day for the storage business. And I can't finish
my move today.

So the morning stretches out before me. New beginnings. Every day is a
new beginning, every moment, now, now, now. But some new beginnings
cut a wider swath, are dramatically more new beginning than the
infinite now that has been constant. This is a new beginning
everywhere I look, feel, think. It's a new house, a new place, new
reflexes building. Midnight is a wonder of catly exploration as he
paws carefully the air before him, cautious about each step he takes.

And the best of it all is that I am bringing love in to this moment. I
am so happy.

I realize the difference between being at peace and being happy.
Interesting little distinction. I was already what you could call
happy, at peace, feeling good. But suddenly I'm really happy. It's
deeper, fed by serenity, thrilled at the joy.

I know, I know, it's a little excessive this joy thing I keep babbling
about. But man! You should be me for about ten minutes. You'd see!


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/14/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

I was just watching a pop spiritual healer on television. I caught her
while I was scanning and so I stayed with her for few minutes. It was
interesting up to a point. I'll try to describe the trip.

She was saying that the reason we became confused was because we
weren't in harmony. That made good sense. Then she said that balance
and harmony went together.

I was enjoying listening to her talk about fundamental values that I
believe in.

Then she said that although spirituality was at the root of all things
all the meditating and prayer in the world would not really address a
serious problem, something we were afraid to face. We need action, to
confront our difficulties square on.

I got that too. Good talk. Good point. Good energy.

Then she said that a very wise teacher had given her the tool she
needed and used to get out of trouble. Her teacher had said, "You are
a warrior. Get out and fight for what is yours." This had been giving
her the strength to confront for years. It was her tool. Action.

I liked that one too. But as I began to reflect upon it I realized
that she was a powerful person. Tell someone like that to stand up and
confront and they'd stand up and win almost every time. It would be
reinforced time after time after time. It would work for her.

But, she was a sparkling, dynamic person. What about someone with half
her ability? Could they get the same thing for that lesson. When they
stood up and challenged might they not run into situations that
overwhelmed them. Fine, tell them to get up and go to war again and
again. Perhaps that is one of the factors in a defeated person. They
think they have to drive and drive against insurmountable odds. And
they just can't.

What about letting go?

Where's the dividing line between giving up and letting go?

There's the serenity prayer again.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The power to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/10/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

My friend Jessica once told me that her grandfather, who was a very
wise old man, had once told her that white people were just very sick.
So she grew up in the thirties and forties without realizing the
resentment she might have felt.

I look at the world and the depth of that wisdom strikes deeply.

Bad behaviour often begins as resentment. How can we be so stupid and
foolish?

There was a gentleman on television last night talking about the seven
hundred billion dollars being spent on Wall Street, what seven hundred
billion dollars could do wisely spent on educating inner city
children.  What are the values parading as necessary behaviour?

We are in a world where consciousness is very low. Some of us peek
above the clouds of ignorance and see what could be. The danger in
that is, of course, the devastating disappointment and loss of faith
in our fellow human beings. People who wish a better world often
become the essence of evil themselves.

All Hitler wanted was a better world, a master race, the highest good.
Dear God, what a lesson, idealism gone completely insane.

Yet there is a higher consciousness growing within all of us. But,
man, is it disappointing and frustrating! Rage surges within at the
stupidity of those who cannot see that love is the only enduring and
practical value.

The wisdom now is not to blame, but to nourish. Positive reinforcement
is what works. Two wrongs don't make a right. Behaving badly in
response to bad behaviour may seem balancing but it isn't. It's
perpetuating.

I love the peaceful wisdom that wishes to become me. Me at peace is so
beautiful. Me loving is the divine manifesting in my arms, my eyes, my
words.

Thank you, Jessica, for your wisdom in so many ways.

Thank you, God, for manifesting in so many ways, so many teachings, so
many walls to climb, so many barriers to breach with love. Let me not
turn love to anger. I am so young to this wisdom.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/09/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

The deal is done. House is finally bought. We haven't moved in yet but
we just lit our first fire in the fireplace in the big finished
basement rec room, concert hall, workshop space, lounging area.

A fire is an automatic meditation, like a sunset, or a lake with no
one else around, or a starlit night. We sat in front of the dancing
flames. Watched the fire slow down to red coals that dripped glowing
embers like a liquid.

I imagine those embers in deepest space as the universe is running
down. We are angels watching the fire die down.

When the embers are dark we will get up and go to sleep, we angels.
Tomorrow another universe will have been lit while we were sleeping.
We've never been able to quite catch up to the beginnings of it all.

Fire is mystery.

The center of the sun is the wonder of God, Ra diation.

Beginnings, such a range of magnitudes, big ones, little ones.
Beginiings within endings. Endings within beginnings. The beginning of
a beginning. the beginning of the end. The end of the beginning.
Cycles within cycles within cycles.

The fire dances. I am every stage of the embers and the fire, the
stillness and the dance, the music and the silence.


The deal is done. House is finally bought. We haven't moved in yet but
we just lit our first fire in the fireplace in the big finished
basement rec room, concert hall, workshop space, lounging area.

A fire is an automatic meditation, like a sunset, or a lake with no
one else around, or a starlit night. We sat in front of the dancing
flames. Watched the fire slow down to red coals that dripped glowing
embers like a liquid.

I imagine those embers in deepest space as the universe is running
down. We are angels watching the fire die down.

When the embers are dark we will get up and go to sleep, we angels.
Tomorrow another universe will have been lit while we were sleeping.
We've never been able to quite catch up to the beginnings of it all.

Fire is mystery.

The center of the sun is the wonder of God, Ra diation.

Beginnings, such a range of magnitudes, big ones, little ones.
Beginnings within endings. Endings within beginnings. The beginning of
a beginning. the beginning of the end. The end of the beginning.
Cycles within cycles within cycles.

The fire dances. I am every stage of the embers and the fire, the
stillness and the dance, the music and the silence.

Thank you, Fire, for reminding me. Your wonder enters me so quietly,
the soft crackle and the flickering dance.

Home. I think I'm beginning to achieve the first level of normalcy.
Perfectly ordinary.

The beauty now is to savor it.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/08/08, St. Louis, MO

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add you myself.

Always we are in new beginnings. It is the constant state of the
alive, awake and vital spiritual being. But sometimes new beginnings
reach a more intensely new beginning than just the normal being in the
now. Sometimes new beginnings dominate with a power and presence that
it's a nova of new beginning. Like when you buy a house, or start a
new job, or get married, or divorced, hired or fired, or when you have
a spiritual awakening that alters the life course.

I just closed on a house. That's a new beginning with literally old
baggage. The old baggage is just fine. I love my old baggage. A dear
friend reminded me of the rule about boxes you haven't opened in a
year or more: Throw them away. That's no more possible for me that
ditching my kids would be if I hadn't heard from them in a year.

No, the old friends are coming with me. We just closed on the house
yesterday and have moved four carloads so far. Much to do, with major
moving day yet to be established. But it will be sooner than we had
thought.

For those of you in the St. Louis area we'll be having a house
warming, blessing, hang out with us as soon as we get the
unopened-for-years  boxes safely stored away for their apparently
eternal rest. The thing is that we have so much room now for old
baggage. Ain't it grand?

So, the next few days and weeks are being eaten slowly by the Gorgon
of the Boxes, the Great Pack Rat, and the Demons of the Move.

But they are all angels in this guest house of being not a human
being, but a human moving.


Emanations
Copyright © 2007 by John MacEnulty,
12/06/08, St. Louis, MO

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through their hoops, or you can write to eman8tions@... and I'll
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