Thanks so much to all of the people who came out to see me and my
friends at Mo Pitkins on May 10. It was an amazing success - we sold
out the place and I got a great video out of it. I shouldn't do this,
since I'm trying to encourage you to see me live, but I've put the
video on YouTube and you can find it in the links section after The
Ramble. If you like what you see, please rate, comment and forward
the link to your friends.

And then, after you watch the video, please come join me live. You
can't share a drink with a video. There are a lot of new shows on the
schedule.

THE RAMBLE
---------------------------------
The hits keep on coming. After The Bicycle Incident" I figured that I
was clear of further injury for a while. This is known in the
psychology biz as "delusional optimism." In fact, I find myself with
enough cuts and scrapes all over my body that I could be confused
with someone (at first glance only, of course) who actually works
with his hands.

This could not be further from the truth. I still have the baby soft
skin that can only come from work avoidance so aggressive and
complete that, if the energy were better channeled, would result
in "accomplishing something." As if.

Anyway, the injuries started when we offered to catsit for my sister-
in-law to be's cat, Fluff. Fluff is an amiable, if skittish, cat and
we hoped that bringing her by might help us with a mouse issue that
we no longer have. We quickly realized that we would not solve our
mouse problems with Fluff. As awesome as she is, she is large and not
all that into moving, much less chasing mice. The best way to
describe Fluff is as "a pile of cat." This did not stop Fluff from
making a quick dash for the border and stepping on my wrist when I
tried to pet her, resulting in a deep gash. Probably due to cat
allergies, I will apparently bear the Mark of Fluff for all of my
days, as it has not and probably will not heal completely.

Then the bicycle thing.

This past weekend, Carrie decided that we should make our house less
garrison-like and remove the security bars from the second floor. We
are the only house on the street that has them and, besides the
impact on light on our house, it virtually screamed "terrified white
folks." The plan was simple. With Carrie's help, a strongman would
lower the wrought-iron grate down to me, and I would guide it to the
ground. Like I said, simple. To help us get the bars down to street
level, we asked a neighbor and friend to help. He was on his way to
the airport, though, so he could only help with one window. For the
second window, we had to ask a stranger. Rather than handle the
weight of the grate himself, and let Carrie slowly let out the slack
on the twine we used as a backup restraint, he used the twine as the
SOLE restraint on the grate.

I mentioned that I was to guide the grate from below, yes?

Needless to say, the twine wasn't strong enough to hold the grate. I
realized this when the grate wasn't being slowly lowered to me but
was instead tipping and hurtling toward me, just behind the screams
of Carrie and her assistant. Good thing sound travels faster than
gravity - and light faster than sound. That fortunate quirk of
physics allowed me to move quickly out of the way (or as quickly as I
move) enough for the grate to merely clip my arm and then bounce into
my leg, rather than crash directly onto my head, turning me into a
drooling moron. Carrie has gotten used to living with a moron, but I
think the drooling would have been even more than she could bear.

So, no drooling but a hell of a contusion on my left arm and scrapes
and bruises on both legs. I remained stoic and didn't cry because I
know that is the least that I could do to continue the charade that I
am a man.

To sum up, since Carrie was on "upstairs" duty, I consider us even
for crashing her side of the car into a tree on our honeymoon.

THE LINKS
---------------------------------
New Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GPPudCPtV0
MySpace: http://myspace.com/charles_star (schedule and clips)
Stay Free! http://blog.stayfreemagazine.org (writing and merch)
Soapbox: http://tinyurl.com/y8ggmh (comedy resume and headshot)

THE SHOWS
---------------------------------
TUESDAY, May 29 @9:00PM
Agents Don't Come to Astoria @ Waltz
$7 minimum
Ditmars Blvd. @ 24th St. (Astoria, Queens)

Matt Taylor's fantastic Queens comedy show. I always have a good time
and he gets some very good comics that already live in Astoria to
make time for his show. My month long run in Queens ends but I shall
return (in July, probably).

---------------------------------
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30 @8PM
Max! @ Mo Pitkin's
Free
Avenue A between 2d and 3d Sts.

Jenny Rubin and Matt McCarthy host this excellent, cozy show in the
side lounge at Mo's.

---------------------------------
THURSDAY, MAY 31 @9:30PM
Grandma's Candy Box @ Bar None
Free
3d Ave. between 12th and 13th Sts.

Eliza Faria-Santos and Myka Fox produce this weekly bacchanal. It is
the last show for GCB - at Bar None, anyway - so it should be extra-
raucous. The hilarious Victor Varnado hosts.

---------------------------------
FRIDAY, JUNE 1 @8:00PM
Improvapalooza @ 12 Miles West Center for the Arts
$15
562 Bloomfield Ave., Bloomfield, NJ

I will be participating in a standup competition as part of an annual
comedy festival. I don't know how many of you live close enough to 12
Miles West to make the trip, but if you can, I really encourage it.
It is a 100 seat venue that will seem cavernous if we don't get a
good crowd in there.

After the show, I am going to the Magnet Theater (29th St., east of
8th Ave.) to watch my friend Mike Dobbins do a long solo show ("A
Standupish Set of KooKoo"). I wrote about Mike for Stay Free! and you
can read that here: http://tinyurl.com/2xyzfu The show starts at 11PM
and costs $5.

---------------------------------
MONDAY, JUNE 4 @9PM
Calico Jack's
Free
42d St. @ 2d. Ave.

Matt Taylor, who runs the Astoria rooms that I perform in, has
started a new show in Manhattan. Let's see if we can give this show
some momentum.

---------------------------------
TUESDAY, JUNE 5 @9PM
Monkey Room
Free
Ft. Washington and 187th St. (Washington Heights)

Ken Perlstine's uptown room. I haven't gone there yet, but I'm
looking forward to it. If you live in the 'hood (Angela and Matt),
try to stop by.

---------------------------------
FRIDAY, JUNE 8
Improvapalooza @ 12 Miles West Center for the Arts (Bloomfield, NJ)
$15
562 Bloomfield Ave.

I admit that this is a placeholder. I have to qualify for this show
on June 1 but I'm not sure if I am going to send out another update
before then. Drop me a note if you are thinking about coming.

---------------------------------
TUESDAY, JUNE 12 @9:00PM
Comedy Party USA @ The Pinch
Free
Sullivan St. b/w Bleecker and W. 3d. Sts.

Paul Goncalvez and David DeVito host this weekly show in the back of
a pretty neat little bar.

---------------------------------
FRIDAY, JUNE 15 @11:59PM
Gut Bucket @ UCB Theater
Free
26th St., west of 8th Ave.

Pete Holmes (VH1's Best Week Ever) and TJ Miller (from the upcoming
ABC comedy "Carpoolers") host this monthly midnight open mic that
actually starts closer to 12:30AM. They get a good carryover crowd
from the earlier improv show, so it is fun to do. Cheap PBR at the
bar.

---------------------------------
TUESDAY, JUNE 19@ 9:30PM
Alligator Lounge
Free
Metropolitan Ave. & Lorimer St. (Williamsburg)

I haven't done this show in a long time, but I just realized that the
B43 goes straight from my neighborhood to this bar. Host Lorden
Palomares is letting me do a 15-20 minute set, which is a lot longer
than I usually get to do. It should be a good opportunity to do some
crowd interaction.

For additional enticement, with every reasonably priced beer you get
a made-to-order thin crust pizza for free! (You have to pay for your
own toppings but stop whining about that.)

---------------------------------
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20 @8:00PM
The Rochelle Show @ Mo Pitkin's
Free
Avenue A between 2d and 3d Sts.

My friend Sue Ball has put together what sounds like a great show
that combines standup, improv, sketch and character-based
comedy. "Rochelle" is a brilliant character and I hope that you can
come to this show. It really should be a blast. Mike Dobbins (see
above) and others are likely to be a part of this as well.

---------------------------------
SUNDAY, JUNE 24 @9:00PM
Albatross Bar (Astoria)
Free
36th St. & Astoria Blvd.

Matt Taylor has another Astoria show. His other shows have worked out
really well so I'm looking forward to this.

---------------------------------
TUESDAY, AUGUST 7 @8:00PM
Voodoo Luau @Otto's Shrunken Head
Free
14th St. b/w Ave. A & B

Josh Filipowski produces this weekly show. Usually a small but
attentive and appreciative crowd.

---------------------------------
TUESDAY, AUGUST 21 @9:00PM
Comedy Party USA @ The Pinch
Free
Sullivan St. b/w Bleecker and W. 3d. Sts.

Paul Goncalvez and David DeVito host this weekly show in the back of
a pretty neat little bar.

Hope to see you soon,
Charles