Character defects are like seeds, they are always there waiting to sprout.



STEP 2, WHAT IS INSANITY?

...the human mind is easily fooled; that we believe what we want to believe
and recognize only those facts which conform to that belief.

Pass It On: page 89, paragraph 2, line 5

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STEP 2, WHAT IS INSANITY?



The word insanity may be one of the most misunderstood words in the Big
Book. We hear so many different definitions of its meaning that the net result
is gross misunderstanding and assigning a improper definition to the word, that
being denial. If we don't understand this word, it will weaken our recovery
because Step Two is the cornerstone of our program.

Bill tells us exactly what meaning he gives the word insanity the very
first time he uses it in the Big Book:

Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain
insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight be
called anything else.

(p 37)

His definition of insanity then is; a lack of proportion, of the ability to
think straight.

It is in the time just before the first drink that insanity occurs and is
being discussed. Our book asks: What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who
repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? (p 35, para
1) Bill says, We shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse
into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. (p 34, para 3) He
does this with the story of Jim the car salesman (p 35), Fred, the accountant (p
39) and the jaywalker. (p 37)

Bill's first example is of Jim, the car salesman. Let's look at his state
of mind before his first drink:

I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern that I once
owned. I went to see a prospect, got hungry and stopped at a roadside place
where they had a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just of having a
sandwich. I had eaten there before. Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if
I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full
stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was
not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a
full stomach. Thus started one more trip to the asylum for Jim. Here was the
treat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that
intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had
much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking
were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey
if only he mixed it with milk! (p 36)

We can now see what Bill meant by lack of proportion. Jim was facing five
big losses if he drank but he drank anyway. Jim drank because the reasons for
not drinking were easily pushed aside. This is the insane thinking prior to the
first drink. Today it is called repression, the involuntary blocking out of our
conscious minds unwanted, painful, or undesirable memories.

This happens without us knowing it is happening. All the evidence about the
losses that Jim would suffer as a result of drinking were blocked from his
consciousness. Jim was: unable to bring into his consciousness with sufficient
force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old
threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. (p
24)

It explains why we did the same thing over and over expecting different
results which is the result of insanity, not insanity. Naturally we did the same
thing over and over, because of the insanity prior to the first drink, not the
behavior afterwards.

Again, insanity is a lack of proportion in our thinking. The paragraphs
following the insanity paragraph (p 37, para 2) states in part:

But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our
sound reasoning there inevitably ran some INSANELY trivial excuse for taking the
first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won
out. Look at Fred's story, the account (p 39): Fred had no problems whatsoever.
Fred takes an entire paragraph to tell us everything was fine physically,
financially, etc. In fact he says it was the end of a perfect day. Not only had
I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This
time I had not thought of the consequences at all!

On the top of page 42 Fred says; I saw that will power and self-knowledge
would not help in these strange mental blank spots. These strange mental blank
spots describe our mental state just prior to the first drink, insanity. Our
minds were blank concerning the losses we would have if we drank. Our book says,
Once more: The alcoholic at times has no effective mental defense against the
first drink. (p 43, para 3)

One popular but wrong definition of insanity in A.A. is, Taking the same
action over and over again expecting different results. This refers to the story
of the jaywalker (p 37, para 4) who progressively gets in more serious accidents
as he continues to jaywalk. This analogy of repetitious harmful behavior is a
good demonstration of the progression of the disease and the consequent
progression of the denial system to prevent us from facing the truth, but it
doesn't explain insanity. The insanity is not in the repetition of the action.
The insanity is in the thinking just before the first drink in each individual
incidence of the repetitious behavior so naturally we take the same action over
and over.



A skid-row derelict who was panhandling one day and made the mistake of
soliciting a stern-looking, impeccably dressed businessman. "You've got your
nerve, begging from the public!" snapped the outraged pedestrian. "Why, you
don't even pay any taxes!" "Whaddya mean?" answered the lush. "I pay taxes every
time I buy a bottle of wine."

ASAP
Always Say A Prayer

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