Hello, I see that this group's been inactive for a while, but I thought
I'd try a posting. I found this site in the course of checking out CA
(Bay Area) domestic adoption agencies, as a prospective adoptive
parent. The bad experiences with IAC are of course worrisome. I did
just check them out on the Better Business Bureau site, and I saw only
one complaint mentioned -- and they were given a AAA rating. I'm trying
to square that with what I've read here... Any thoughts, or suggestions
on how to find out more about people's IAC experiences (especially
recently, and especially with their Pleasant Hill office), would be
much appreciated.

Cheers,
Valerie

--- In adoptiontalk@yahoogroups.com, "Traia " <melswife@...> wrote:
>
> Why do you say good riddance?  Are you against open adoptions or just
him?
>

Don't get me wrong.  I have nothing against open adoptions and I do
feel for his family.  It's just that the man was a crook, plain and
simple.  It may sound harsh, but the world is much better off without
him.

Good Riddance

OBITUARIES
Bruce Rappaport
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/california/la-me-
rappaport26nov26,1,3879690.story

We are in the middle of adopting from China (our
dossier went to China in June 2005 and we think we'll
get our referral this month). We used Adoption Options
for our agency and I've been very happy with them. I
don't know if they are licensed in your county. You
need to find an agency who is licensed in your COUNTY
to do international adoptions.  IAC (independent
adoption center) is licensed to do homestudies I think
in any county in the state. Most people who are
unhappy with them are unhappy because of experiences
with adoption, NOT because they had bad homestudy
experiences . . . so you could look into them. . .

Good luck!
Karen in San Diego

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Are either of you still on the list or can someone please email me their
email addresses?

If you're still on the list, I would love to talk to you about what
happened to you with IAC.  What happened to both of you seems to be
standard practice at the agency...

If you could call or email me, I would greatly appreciate it.  I have a
legal background and have built up quite a few contacts that will be very
useful in making IAC live up to what they are promising...but I need more
concrete evidence (testimony) from people who have been harmed.

Thanks.

Carla Moquin
801-897-8702
cmoquin @ moquin.org

Are either of you still on the list or can someone please email me their
email addresses?

If you're still on the list, I would love to talk to you about what
happened to you with IAC...

If you could call or email me, or if anyone can point me to other
birthmothers who went through IAC, I would greatly appreciate it.  I have a
lot of evidence of the kinds of things IAC is doing, but I need more
concrete evidence (testimony) from other people who have been harmed.

Thanks.

Carla Moquin
801-897-8702
cmoquin @ moquin.org

(sorry for any duplicate messages; this didn't seem to go through the first
time)

> >Nothing was ever reported here on a lawsuit, so I'm assuming nothing
> came of it.

Okay.  I am going to be talking to a consumer fraud law firm (or several)
in the very near future to find someone willing to handle the case.  If
anyone here is still interested in entering into a lawsuit against
IAC--birthmothers or adoptive parents--please let me know ASAP.  Or if you
do not want to be a party to a lawsuit but would be willing to provide an
affidavit as needed to describe your own experience with IAC, that would
also help tremendously.

  >I'm sorry you had a negative experience with the IAC; while we're unhappy
with them for various reasons, we did adopt successfully through
  >them twice, and have very positive open relationships with our birthmothers.

Congratulations!  And I'm so glad you have such a good relationship with
your birthmothers!

  >One of the problems with a group as large as the IAC is that they place
so many babies for adoption that negative experiences are going to
  >occur. It's a shame.

I see your point, but I have a lot of evidence (and getting more by the
day) that it's somewhat more than that, unfortunately.  I don't want to go
into too much detail to the entire group, though, given the imminent lawsuit.

Carla
801-897-8702
cmoquin @ moquin.org

Hi,

Does anyone hear about Across the World Adoption and Independant
Adoption Center.

Thanks,

Hi there,

My name is Mei. I am new to the group. I am very interested in
learning about adoption from Taiwan. I am married but having
difficulties to find a homestudy agency in California because I lived
in a rural area where 5 hours away from the big city. Can anyone
recommend a international adoption homestudy agency.

Thanks
Mei

Hi.  I placed my baby through IAC two years ago.  Biggest mistake of
my life, without question.  Long story, though.  I just discovered this
group and was wondering if anyone would be willing to talk to me about
the current status of things?  I read through all the past messages;
has a lawsuit actually been filed?  Is there anything I can do to help?
  I have gathered quite a bit of information regarding IAC's practices
in my case and in another situation (regarding another birthmom).  Not
pretty.  It was very enlightening to read about IAC's treatment of
adoptive parents as well.  Horrible.

All the email addresses I've tried to use from this group have bounced,
so I'm hoping someone can let me know if the group has been moved or
what...

Thanks so much.

Carla Moquin
cmoquin @ moquin.org
801-897-8702

Hi Susan,

We never got to the stage of needing a facilitator,
but we certainly were about to entertain it.  We'll
use the lawyer as we finalize our adoption.

Both facilitators and lawyers expand your pool of
contacts, just understand what their motivations are.
They claim the typical adoption takes 12-18 months
with the Adoption Connection.  Of course, sooner if
you have minimal criteria and longer if you're very
picky.  In reality, you have to decide what is the
minimum you really are comfortable with in race,
medical background, etc.  I think after taking some
classes you will be able to better decide this.

In looking back at our process, I mentioned getting
your DBM letter asap.  This helps you decide how
you're marketing yourselves, plus it starts that
clock.  We didn't realize this, but essentially the
couples working with them the longest get their DBM
sent out most often.  Thus, time works in your favor
and  hence the need to be visible asap.

The other thing was that a few of the couples in our
group had a similar experience -- contact with the BM
in the last month of pregnancy.  We had 30 days
notice, so just be ready.  You'll have some false
starts along the way which will really force you to
understand the process plus what's most important to
you.  They said don't get impatient (which of course
you will), but when it feels right then things will
happen.  Feel free to contact Leah at the Adoption
Connection.  She's good and helpful with information
and advice.

BTW, our son will be 8 weeks old tomorrow.  I can't
describe what a change it's been since we brought him
home on Thanksgiving.  It's a kick.

Best wishes to you on this journey.  What I can say is
that literally every one we've been in contact with
have been very supportive and helpful.  Some have
given short consultations free of charge.  I never
realized how many folks I worked with either adopted
children or were adopted themselves.

Best wishes,

Karl

--- Susan Bessler <suebessler@...> wrote:

> Karl, Thank you!  We are actually leaning towards
> Adoption Connection and I started filling in the
> application yesterday. So your note confirms this
> decision and is very helpful (as well as
> encouraging- thanks especially for that!)  Did you
> use a facilitator or lawyer?  I couple who lived in
> our neigborhood used Ellen Roseman and were happy
> with their experience..
>   Again, much thanks for your feedback.
> Congratulations and best of everything to you and
> your family. If there are any other pragmatic tips
> you wish to pass along we are all ears.
>   Best, Susan
>
> Casey K's Family <caseyk4u@...> wrote:
>   Hi,
>
> We too went to an IAC meeting one Saturday but were
> a
> bit taken by their high pressure 2 day class that
> was
> required. Instead we went with the Adoption
> Connection in SF. Within about 1 year, all 6 couples
> in our orientation classes had a child. We took home
> a baby boy on Thanksgiving. My recommendation is to
> get your DBM letter done asap. The Adoption
> Connection runs ala carte on services and is very
> low
> key. This allows you to augment they searches with a
> facilitator if you wish.
>
> Karl
>
> --- suebessler wrote:
>
> > We live in Berkeley and are starting the adoption
> > process. We went to
> > an IAC orientation last month and were impressed
> > with the depth and
> > breadth of information provided and their polished
> > meeting. We were
> > all set to sign on but I did a little research and
> > found this site as
> > well as 2 complaints lodged through the Better
> > Business Bureau for
> > their Pleasant Hill Office. I thank you all,
> > adoptive families and
> > birth mothers for sharing your experiences good
> and
> > awful. Obviously I
> > need to do more research. So my questions are:
> > 1) any new experiences w/IAC. Do you think they
> have
> > made any positive
> > changes since this yahoo group started? is the
> > lawsuit still active
> > and/or how was it settled?
> > 2) Any Facilitators/lawyers/agencies you can
> > recommend?
> > Again, thank you so much for your candidness and
> > valuable service.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> __________________________________________________
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> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam
> protection around
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>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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> hardcover
>  Photo Books. You design it and we’ll bind it!


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Sue,

My husband and I just cancelled our contract with IAC late last year, after
being on their books for two years without a placement (and after MANY, MANY
miscommunications and errors).

In my opinion, their depth and breadth of organization are their downfall. They
are so structured as to be unbendable to meet the needs of specific
circumstances. They also take an approach that is very different than most
other agencies I've talked with. They don't collect the state-required detailed
birthmother profile until after you agree to match. Most other agencies (and
facilitators and lawyers) collect this form well in advance of your agreement
to match. This form helps mitigate your risk - financially and emotionally.

So my recommendation would be to try an agency other than IAC. Best wishes to
you,

Jan

Quoting Susan Bessler <suebessler@...>:

> Karl, Thank you!  We are actually leaning towards Adoption Connection and I
> started filling in the application yesterday. So your note confirms this
> decision and is very helpful (as well as encouraging- thanks especially for
> that!)  Did you use a facilitator or lawyer?  I couple who lived in our
> neighborhood used Ellen Roseman and were happy with their experience..
>   Again, much thanks for your feedback. Congratulations and best of
> everything to you and your family. If there are any other pragmatic tips you
> wish to pass along we are all ears.
>   Best, Susan
>
> Casey K's Family <caseyk4u@...> wrote:
>   Hi,
>
> We too went to an IAC meeting one Saturday but were a
> bit taken by their high pressure 2 day class that was
> required. Instead we went with the Adoption
> Connection in SF. Within about 1 year, all 6 couples
> in our orientation classes had a child. We took home
> a baby boy on Thanksgiving. My recommendation is to
> get your DBM letter done asap. The Adoption
> Connection runs ala carte on services and is very low
> key. This allows you to augment they searches with a
> facilitator if you wish.
>
> Karl
>
> --- suebessler wrote:
>
> > We live in Berkeley and are starting the adoption
> > process. We went to
> > an IAC orientation last month and were impressed
> > with the depth and
> > breadth of information provided and their polished
> > meeting. We were
> > all set to sign on but I did a little research and
> > found this site as
> > well as 2 complaints lodged through the Better
> > Business Bureau for
> > their Pleasant Hill Office. I thank you all,
> > adoptive families and
> > birth mothers for sharing your experiences good and
> > awful. Obviously I
> > need to do more research. So my questions are:
> > 1) any new experiences w/IAC. Do you think they have
> > made any positive
> > changes since this yahoo group started? is the
> > lawsuit still active
> > and/or how was it settled?
> > 2) Any Facilitators/lawyers/agencies you can
> > recommend?
> > Again, thank you so much for your candidness and
> > valuable service.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Photos – Showcase holiday pictures in hardcover
>  Photo Books. You design it and we’ll bind it!




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Thank you for your feedback. Very appreciated. Susan

Hi,

We too went to an IAC meeting one Saturday but were a
bit taken by their high pressure 2 day class that was
required. Instead we went with the Adoption
Connection in SF. Within about 1 year, all 6 couples
in our orientation classes had a child. We took home
a baby boy on Thanksgiving. My recommendation is to
get your DBM letter done asap. The Adoption
Connection runs ala carte on services and is very low
key. This allows you to augment they searches with a
facilitator if you wish.

Karl

--- suebessler wrote:

> We live in Berkeley and are starting the adoption
> process. We went to
> an IAC orientation last month and were impressed
> with the depth and
> breadth of information provided and their polished
> meeting. We were
> all set to sign on but I did a little research and
> found this site as
> well as 2 complaints lodged through the Better
> Business Bureau for
> their Pleasant Hill Office. I thank you all,
> adoptive families and
> birth mothers for sharing your experiences good and
> awful. Obviously I
> need to do more research. So my questions are:
> 1) any new experiences w/IAC. Do you think they have
> made any positive
> changes since this yahoo group started? is the
> lawsuit still active
> and/or how was it settled?
> 2) Any Facilitators/lawyers/agencies you can
> recommend?
> Again, thank you so much for your candidness and
> valuable service.
>
>
>
>


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Hi,

We too went to an IAC meeting one Saturday but were a
bit taken by their high pressure 2 day class that was
required.  Instead we went with the Adoption
Connection in SF.  Within about 1 year, all 6 couples
in our orientation classes had a child.  We took home
a baby boy on Thanksgiving.  My recommendation is to
get your DBM letter done asap.  The Adoption
Connection runs ala carte on services and is very low
key.  This allows you to augment they searches with a
facilitator if you wish.

Karl

--- suebessler <suebessler@...> wrote:

> We live in Berkeley and are starting the adoption
> process. We went to
> an IAC orientation last month and were impressed
> with the depth and
> breadth of information provided and their polished
> meeting. We were
> all set to sign on but I did a little research and
> found this site as
> well as 2 complaints lodged through the Better
> Business Bureau for
> their Pleasant Hill Office.   I thank you all,
> adoptive families and
> birth mothers for sharing your experiences good and
> awful. Obviously I
> need to do more research.  So my questions are:
> 1) any new experiences w/IAC. Do you think they have
> made any positive
> changes since this yahoo group started? is the
> lawsuit still active
> and/or how was it settled?
> 2) Any Facilitators/lawyers/agencies you can
> recommend?
> Again, thank you so much for your candidness and
> valuable service.
>
>
>
>


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We live in Berkeley and are starting the adoption process. We went to
an IAC orientation last month and were impressed with the depth and
breadth of information provided and their polished meeting. We were
all set to sign on but I did a little research and found this site as
well as 2 complaints lodged through the Better Business Bureau for
their Pleasant Hill Office.   I thank you all, adoptive families and
birth mothers for sharing your experiences good and awful. Obviously I
need to do more research.  So my questions are:
1) any new experiences w/IAC. Do you think they have made any positive
changes since this yahoo group started? is the lawsuit still active
and/or how was it settled?
2) Any Facilitators/lawyers/agencies you can recommend?
Again, thank you so much for your candidness and valuable service.

Hi Noami,

The adoptive family owes you the respect of communication. I think it's natural
for the adoptive / birth parent relationship to change after the baby is born.
The type and frequency of communication might even change as everyone moves
into their new roles and builds their new relationships. But these transitions
can't succeed without communication. Neither of you will be able to
re-establish your new post-birth ties if you're not talking. While it's
possible that they intentionally misled you before the birth, it's also
possible that they just don't have the communication skills to navigate the
situation - so they avoid it altogether. Your expectations obviously aren't
being met; perhaps theirs are not as well. They might be getting bad advice
from friends or family who don't understand open adoption. I would expect IAC
to work with both parties to facilitate the communication and find a common
ground.

It is worth finding out whether IAC filed an open adoption agreement with
Illinois. The state of California requires them.

Don't give up. I hope you find a creative way to circumvent this stalemate and
build the relationship you and your children are craving.

Best wishes to you,

Jan

Quoting Naomi <naomirosekay@...>:

> I agree with most of what you said, except that the adoptive family and I had
> agreed on visits as often as we could get together, but by the time Madeline
> was about three months old, they had stopped answering the phone, stopped
> calling or emailing me, and not returning my emails.  And I wasn't calling
> obsessively, once a week at the most, and emailing them short notes to see if
> they had new pictures or to see if she was doing anything new.  After being
> promised by them that we were a part of their family and they wanted to get
> together as often as they could, you can imagine what kind of a shock this
> was.  While I was pregnant, my children and I stayed at their house for the
> Labor Day long weekend (I think about 4-5 days) and also during Thanksgiving.
>  We also had a party together at Chuck E. Cheese (for the kids to play and
> for my family to meet them) in October 2004 for my birthday. They were with
> us every 1-2 weeks from July through January.    They live about 3 and a half
> hours
>  away in Springfield, Illinois, and I live in Indianapolis, Indiana.  We
> spent so much time together, so naturally it was a shock to go from being on
> the phone with the adoptive mother daily and emailing back and forth several
> times a week to almost no communication overnight.  They were in the room
> when the baby was born.  Anyway, I just wanted you to get the facts straight.
>  So there they are...
>
>   -Naomi
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! for Good - Make a difference this year.




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Hi Naomi,

I'm a prospective adoptive parent who used to be on contract with the IAC. I
have since cancelled my contract and am now working with another agency.

I'm wondering about your expectation of seeing your adopted daughter every
month. Given the feedback I've received from IAC as well as other agencies,
attornies, and organizations, that seems more frequent than I would expect. The
relationship the parents and the baby build with you and your other children is
very important to everyone's feeling of well being. However, I would expect
visits to be a couple of times a year at the most - perhaps holidays or
birthdays. The baby's new family needs time to bond and build their new family
ties with their extended family and friends.

I would focus more on the quality of the communication, rather than the
quantity. Is the baby's family keeping you up to date on the baby's progress?
Are they treating you with respect and honesty? If they are being honest about
the time they need as a family (I presume they're telling you they need more
private time than you'd like), and if they keep the meetings and promises they
make with you, then I would rest assured that your relationship with your
daughter is secure. Trust is needed both ways. You'll have many years ahead to
tell your daughter yourself exactly how you feel about her.

Best wishes to you and your children,

Jan


Quoting Naomi <naomirosekay@...>:

>
>
>
>
> I just joined this group because I'm hoping to find adoptive parents
>
> or birthfamilies/birthmothers who've had a negative experience with
>
> the Independent Adoption Center.  I placed my daughter for adoption in
>
> January of this year (2005) with the knowledge that my two other
>
> children and I would have monthly visits with her.  I wanted all of my
>
> children to grow up knowing each other, but I knew I didn't have the
>
> means to support three children on my own.  If anyone has any
>
> information about the IAC or would like to share your experience with
>
> me, I am in the process of writing a book about open adoption and my
>
> experience with it.  My name is Naomi, btw.  Hope to hear from someone
>
> soon. 
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>    Visit your group "adoptiontalk" on the web.
>  
>    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  adoptiontalk-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>  
>    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>




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Has you adoption plan been followed?
Is there a reason you are looking for people with negative experiences
through the IAC?

Just curious of the direction your book will take.

Karen in San Diego


--- In adoptiontalk@yahoogroups.com, "Naomi" <naomirosekay@h...> wrote:
>
> I just joined this group because I'm hoping to find adoptive parents
> or birthfamilies/birthmothers who've had a negative experience with
> the Independent Adoption Center.  I placed my daughter for adoption
in
> January of this year (2005) with the knowledge that my two other
> children and I would have monthly visits with her.  I wanted all of
my
> children to grow up knowing each other, but I knew I didn't have the
> means to support three children on my own.  If anyone has any
> information about the IAC or would like to share your experience
with
> me, I am in the process of writing a book about open adoption and my
> experience with it.  My name is Naomi, btw.  Hope to hear from
someone
> soon.
>