WOSSNAME - SEPTEMBER 2007 -- PART 7 OF 8 (continued)
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====Part 7 - WITCHSTROLOGY

27) WITCHSTROLOGY: YOUR NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

27) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Lucy Tockley
with assistance from Various Wytches

ASK NOT WHAT YOUR LOCAL WITCH CAN DO FOR YOU...

...ask what you can do for your local witch! Hello, Lucy Tockley
here, Diamanda as was. As you probably know, Mistress Weatherwax
banned me from witching after the Royal Wedding, and now that we
have our own Witch Queen in Lancre and the biggest coven in
generations and even young witches coming to visit from foreign
places like the Chalk, I suppose things are getting too crowded for
the elder witches to keep an eye on me. So I've been banned from
witching and from going up on the moors and especially from dancing
(especially dancing in the altogether, although I have to say that I
still have the figure for it), and these days I have to do what Her
Highness -- Queen Magrat, I mean, not Mistress Weatherwax -- calls
"community service" and that witchfinder Miss Tick from foreign
parts calls "sublimation of unseemly impulses". So here I am, having
to collect horoscopes from the coven and, you know, edit them. And
I'm not even allowed to wear special clothing or occult jewellery
until I'm at least 30. I think that's especially unfair because I
*have* learnt a few things, you know, but Mrs Ogg says that Mistress
Weatherwax has learnt rather a few *more* things than I have and
knows what's best and that if *I'd* known what was best I wouldn't
have caused all that trouble in the first place.

But that's all water through the Gorge now. Anyway, I've been
studying the history of witching in the Ramtops and compared to Olde
Tymes we have a very viable and admirable crop of young witches now.
Valuable enough to be considered as a national resource (some of us
here do have enough education to know what a national resource is).
So I urge you to consider the value of your local witch, and how you
can repay her for her services. In goods, of course. Witches don't
do money, unless they're Mrs Earwig.

Enjoy your horoscope. By witches, for witches. Blessed be.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

by Lucy Warbeck

As the Adamant Hedgehog approaches the cusp of Ramjambalam again,
this is a good month for, like, practising your swimming whilst
fully clothed. Octedays are an auspicious time for working on
escaping from those tricky knots, the ones tied by villagers who
haven't, like, read their Magavenatio. The stars also favour
attempts to achieve a personal best at holding one's breath
underwater.

Recommended gifts: good quality string, unspoilt feathers, old
buttons, assorted cheap trinkets, and eggs, for, like, shamble-
making; dried field rations; small scissors; waterproof boots.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

by Dimity Hubbub

At mid-month any experimental cure mixtures are unlikely to explode.
Tuesdays favour Wow-Wow Sauce making, but be very careful of the
amount of sulphur you use and employ only silver tongs during the
second quarter of the moon. When Euno Hu, major star of Gahoolie, is
brightest (around the 21st), use clear days for rock collecting.
Avoid salad greens when the moon is dark. If romance is in the air,
be sure to ask for diamonds, as they have many practical uses around
the home and are good for grinding things for pastes. The 11th is a
good day for hat maintenance, but avoid fires.

Recommended gifts: interesting minerals; silver tongs; family herbal
recipes (for testing); turnips; hatpins, because a good strong
hatpin can avert so many embarrassing pyrotic accidents.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

by Tiffany Aching

This is a good month for making difficult cheeses, especially during
the new moon. Herne's Horns shine favourably on clotted cream,
though you should be sure to save your best cream for a limited run
of Sto Lat Runny. The third week of the month is a good time to
pointedly avoid romantic entanglements, although really there is
never *any* good time for romantic entanglements if you want to get
things done. On the 13th, 27th and all Octedays, learn a new word.
The stars actually neither know nor care about new words, but these
days are best for stimulating the memory. Practise balance in all
things this month; you never know when it might come in handy.

Recommended gifts: felt, calico and willow branches, for hatmaking;
sheep shears; turpentine.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

by Petulia Gristle

A good month for trotter and hoof cures. Medicinal pig-scrubbing
should take place only at moonset to avoid unfavourable influences.
The 10th, 14th, 19th, 22nd and 25th are good for tail examinations.
Reserve mid-month for porcine contraceptive activities. To avoid
Spavined Knuckle, Ear Wriggle, Ruddy Farrow and Rumpstiff, do not
dose your pigs in the last week of the month. The Knob shines
favourably on udders during the three-quarter moon. The 21st is good
for romance, but only if you've tagged your piglets first.

Recommended gifts: ointment and jollop bases; old leather trousers,
the thicker the better; carbolic soap; old chain mail vests.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers   23 Jul - 23 Aug

by Agnes Nitt, with interruptions

No matter how many foolish people claim the stars govern your love
life, romance is in the heart, not in the skies. "So says the girl
who has a bedroom full of fluffy soft toys and always casts apple-
peeling spells to find the name of her potential boyfriend, as if."
Use your horoscopes to plan practical chores, for example, the
second Thursday of this month is best for preparing pain-relieving
medicines. "Practical chores are boring. Deep down, you haven't a
practical bone in your body! Mind you, one would have to dig really
deep to find *your* bones." Three-quarter moon is the best time for
broom repairs. "We all know what's going through your mind when you
get a bit of wind up your skirts." Midwives should prepare birth-
encouraging charms between the 12th and 20th, and you can just shut
up, Perdita, thank you very much.

Recommended gifts: preserving jars, especially if they're full of
preserves; throat pastilles; knicker elastic; chocolate, no matter
what Perdita says about the calories.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

by Gertruder Tiring

Cookery magic is in your stars this month! Genuan witches favour
gumbo magic, but I always say you can see the future best in a good
rabbit and onion pie. For learning of possible future romance, try a
thick root vegetable stew at quarter-moon. To learn the best time
for early planting, make turnip and broad bean soup on the 15th or
30th. A lightly fried egg at new moon can tell you when money will
cross your path. Avoid reading tea leaves until Mubbo is on the cusp
of Boring, but rose-hip tea gives good results all month. On the
9th, try eels. It's amazing what you can learn from examining a bowl
of boiled eels.

Recommended gifts: small cauldrons; casserole dishes; ramekins; egg
whisks; seeds, particularly savoury potherb seeds.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

by Caramella Bottlethwaite

The stars shine on lettuce this month for all Boring'uns. Lettuce
will bring you luck, but most importantly for those born under this
meek Sign, lettuce asks nothing of those who eat it. It's easy to
chew, unthreatening in flavour, and never ever attacks you when you
try to pick it, unlike the Herbs of a certain elder witch I could
mention but won't. If you feel adventurous at mid-month, try a mild
vinegar dressing on your lettuce. Avoid peas. That's all I have time
for because I have to plant my winter lettuces now.

Recommended gifts: shovels and other garden implements; thick woolly
socks; boots. With hobnails, for preference.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

by Amanita de Vice

Woe, oh woe! Your stars are terrible this month! All is blackness
and despair, and not only should you not get out of bed, you should
paint everything black and wear extra mascara and eyeliner and hang
your head and wail and moan because life is so awful and nobody
understands the inner pain you feel because you're so sensitive and
artistic and not like anyone else at all, no, really. Yours is a
life of anguish and misunderstoodness and even the very stars
conspire to make your existence an endless desert of misery. I know
how you feel. Blessed be.

Recommended gifts: black ink; long black underwear; black nail
polish; black mascara; washable black tattoo patterns.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

by Harrieta Bilk

D'Jum-Boh, the Grand Trunk star of Great T'Phon's Foot, exerts a
favourable influence this month on clothing and personal adornment.
This is the best time to try out those bold new fashion statements
you were always afraid to make. The second week of the month, and
also the 18th and 22nd, look kindly on puce and carmine. After all,
there's only so much you can do with black, and puce is this month's
black, at least until the 23rd. Decorate your boots at half-moon, in
fact, half-moon decorations would be a good idea. In the second
quarter of the moon, try bat-shaped buttons and unusual hatpins.
It's up to witches to set trends now!

Recommended gifts: dresses, secondhand, in wearable condition.
Remember, it's always a good idea to size your local witch (by
comparison with an approachable non-witch), as garments too large or
too small could result in your being convinced you've become a frog.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

by Annagramma Hawkin

Fortunate stars shine upon you this month! The Sign of Hoki is
particularly empowering, and if you cast your runes in local ruins
you will become as empowered as the leopard, and I'm telling you
that leopards are very empowered. The stars are very emphatic about
the proper Opening of the Circle at esbat time. The Turnwise winds
carry secrets, and learning secrets is essential for all young
witches; some say witching is best learnt from books, but a witch
who seeks true wisdom will find it in the simple ways of simple
peasant folk, who have plenty of simple peasant wisdom so long as
they have a witch to tell them which bits of their wisdom is wise.
Pay more attention than usual this month to the advice of your local
witch, and don't make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's
angry. Warts happen.

Recommended gifts: cloaks. Any good spare cloaks in excellent
condition. A Zakzak Stronginthearm Zephyr Billow, for preference.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

by Magenta Frottidge

The Gazunda is back in the House of Hedbangur until the 16th and
moves to the House of Hoose on the 20th, and what better time to
practise your potions? Well, no better time, as it happens. Early
moonlight favours the making of jollops. The second night of the
full moon is good for lotions this month. Charms will work best on
alternate Wednesdays and the third Octeday. Collect herbs and plants
of the woodland during three-quarter moon. Do not make any curatives
that require scumble; best to wait until next month. Avoid ylang-
ylang; replace with Klatchian Migratory Bog Truffle essence or
distillate of suckrose and akwa.

Recommended gifts: candles; dried flowers; essential oils; denatured
alcohol; rare essences of the Aurient.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage   19 Feb - 20 Mar

by Lulu Darling

This is an excellent month for magnetism. The special sort of
magnetism that women can practise best and witches don't practise
often enough: forget octiron, we're talking about the magnetism of
romance. Check your stars closely for the best dates for dates -
let's see, this month that would be the 2nd through the 17th and the
24th through the 30th. Hitch your skirts up higher than usual at new
moon, and with luck you'll be able to hitch them higher still. And
never underestimate the power of a low-cut bodice, especially if you
parents gave you the kind of name that just reeks of low-cut bodices
anyway. After all "witch" is fifty per cent of the word
"bewitching", so make the most of what you've got.

Recommended gifts: china and crockery; interesting ornaments;
oysters; red boots; Sonky preventatives.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 7, continued on Part 8 of 8.
If you did not get all eight parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - SEPTEMBER 2007 -- PART 8 OF 8 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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====Part 8 - WEIRD ALICE,  BOOK REVIEW AND CLOSE

28) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC
29) REVIEW: THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DISCWORLD
30) WITCHES WEY-HEY!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

28) WEIRD ALICE, IN BRIEF

Assistant editor's note: although Weird Alice is technically not a
witch, she is the resident Bard of this publication and possessed of
-- and some might say by -- strange powers, so we are including her
Clacks Log. However, only in abbreviated form. Or as Annagramma put
it, 'All right, she can have her bit, but it's not to be as long as
the important parts.' So I've edited this Log down to the lyrics of
one of Alice's tales of her current holiday location. -- T.A.

DJEL STAR'S PARADISE

by Weird Alice Lancrevic

As I walk through the valley of the Source of the Djel
I'm looking back on my trip and realise I've done well
Cause now I've put Djelibeybi on the map
Stars of the Djel have become a tourist trap
These people never crossed a Pharaoh although most deserved it
They were treated with contempt, you know they were servants
They were too priest-watched for free thought
And scared down to their socks
But now there's Queen Ptraci, and the lady rocks
Old Dios' pyramids pauperised too well
Once religious artefacts - now they're just hotels...Djel!
I'm the kinda Bard Ankh-Morpork poets want to be like
All my songs come out right, ending verses with a near-rhyme

Hey, my hieroglyphic Id's
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
Capstone nightly blows its lid
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
I do like the Pharaohs did
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
Only costs me twenty quid
Living in a Djel star's pyramid

I've got this situation, heat makes me brazen
I can't be a normal wife, I'm too crazed for the gigs
So I gotta get down from the D'regs scene
Too much sand and camel watching desiccates my dreams
I'm an educated Bard with career on my mind
Got a pen in my hand and an imp standing by
I'm a lost Lancrastian, Disc-trekking hasty 'un
And my carpet's broke down, it's sitting in the hangar - Djel!
Death is watching but my lifetimer's fine
I'm living large on the Djel, this Grand Sneer's mine
Just Cert and me, it's as magical as seven plus one
As strange as it's turning, we'll have fun

Tell me why are we
In Djelibeybi
When the action's on
The Circle Sea?

Hey, my hieroglyphic Id's
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
Working for the highest bids
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
I will never hit the skids
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
Signing autographs for kids
In my penthouse Djel star's pyramid

Flowers of the desert, dessert made of flour
Hanging out with Ptraci, paradise is ours
Got a massive fanbase though half of them are mummies
What can you do in the desert but witty songs for dummies?
I'm learning ancient Djeli, Ashk-ur-men-tep has taught me
I can read old inscriptions - some bits, quite naughty

We'll go to Tsort
We'll go to Leshp
Hit every port
That's how we'll find those pleasures of the flesh - Djel!

Hey, my hieroglyphic Id's
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
Capstone nightly blows its lid
Living in a Djel star's pyramid
We do like the Pharaohs did
In a mod-cons Djel star's pyramid
Only costs us twenty quid
Living in a Djel star's pyramid

Tell me why are we
In Djelibeybi
When the action's on
The Circle Sea?
Tell me why are we
In Djelibeybi
When in Hersheba there's
Gigs for me?


Note for Roundworlders: the lyrics for Gangsta's Paradise can be
found at: http://tinyurl.com/3224rr



%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


29) BOOK REVIEW: THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DISCWORLD

by Steven D'Aprano

When I first saw "Wit and Wisdom", I expected it would be rather
like one of those "sigfile" collections of short quotations, one-
liners and assorted bons mots that some of the more... obsessive...
*cough* Discworld fans collect, only with fewer spelling errors. As
one of those obsessive Discworld fans myself, I'm always on the
look-out for resources that allow me to complete my collection of
quotes, so W&W seemed like a dream come true. No, not the one with
the twins and the bathtub filled with potato salad, that's
Rincewind's dream. The other one.

W&W is certainly an impressive-looking book, with a nicely pre-aged
fake-leather-bound look. Your Humble Reviewer's better half hates
dust jackets with the passion that most people save for mass
murderers and mime artists, but even she has said that she actually
likes it. High praise indeed.

In keeping with the old-fashioned book cover, ruled borders around
the pages, scrolls and vignettes at the start of chapters and so
forth, the book pages are rough-cut, as books used to be before
printers learnt about "measure twice, cut once". Although it's a
little impractical for turning pages, it's surprisingly attractive
and brings to mind first editions of Pepys or perhaps Boswell. It's
a funny thing that while actual incompetence is hardly a plus,
deliberately stylish incompetence is. (Not that I've actually seen a
first edition Pepys, of course, but I know what one should look
like. And if the reality is different, well boo hiss to reality.)

W&W is subtitled "Favorite Quotations from the Famous Discworld
Universe, as filtered somewhat erratically through the mind of the
Distinguished Scholar and Scribe T. Pratchett. Esq.", but it has
also been filtered rather idiosyncratically through the mind of the
Stephen Briggs. As Briggs admits in the introduction, he hasn't
tried to include every gag or notable scene, since to do that he'd
need to include the entire collection of Discworld novels in full.
That unfortunately leads to some rather puzzling (at least to Your
Humble Reviewer's mind) omissions, such as the scene in Jingo where
71-Hour Ahmed reminds Vimes, and the Roundworld reader, that
positive racism is just as racist as the more familiar sort. When
Vimes refuses to believe that Prince Cadram had ordered his own
brother's assassination, Ahmed answers:

'Be generous, Sir Samuel. Truly treat all men equally. Allow
Klatchians the right to be scheming bastards, hmm?'

or the wonderful description of elves from Lords and Ladies:

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake,
and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have
changed their meaning.

No one ever said elves are *nice*.
Elves are *bad*.

But considering that W&W had to condense no fewer than thirty-six
Discworld novels into a single book and leave room for an index,
it's no surprise that there are a few things left out. (And beware,
it includes quotes from Making Money, which may catch some people by
surprise.)

There's a certain type of Discworld fan (who probably has a badge
saying "Ask Me About Discworld") who would buy anything by Mr. T.
Pratchett Esq., or about him, or even vaguely associated with him.
But for the rest of you, the big question is, "Should I hand over my
hard-earned cash, wot I slaved for weeks down the treacle mines for,
in exchange for The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld?". The answer to
that is, in my opinion, a provisional Yes. There's nothing *new* in
W&W, naturally, so if you've got a eidetic memory you won't get much
value from it. Likewise, if you've created your own concordance of
the entire Discworld corpus, fully indexed by keyword, character and
subject, you should keep your money, and use it to get a life. As a
book of quotations, I suspect it would probably be more useful to
have been broken up by topic rather than by story. But there's an
index, which seems reasonably complete to my cursory glance.

If you're looking for a pleasant book to curl up on the sofa with,
something to while away an hour or so, just enough to tickle the
funny bone a tad, or to reminisce about some of the best bits of
Discworld, you'd do well with W&W. It's far more practical for
taking to Discworld-themed parties than the entire collection, and
it makes a handy reference book for looking up the quotes that Mr.
Briggs thought were important. For the others, there's always the
Internet.

I wouldn't describe W&W as a Must Have, but I would call it a Nice
To Have. I wouldn't camp overnight in front of the store to buy it,
but I would definitely buy it!

The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld
by Terry Pratchett
Compiled by Stephen Briggs

available from 25 September 2007
To buy from HarperCollins:
http://tinyurl.com/3xdkm4

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

30) AND SO...

We hope you enjoyed our modest efforts and that all was
understandable and not in contravention of your Roundworld's
customs. And now the door between dimensions is closing, so this is
us, pinning our pointy hats firmly to our heads and-

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 8.
If you did not get all eight parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
October 2007 (Volume 10, Issue 10)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No. As a
member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion, you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff  Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR
3) HOGFATHER USA BROADCAST AND DVD RELEASE
4) PTERRY CAPTURED ON VIDEO: INTERVIEW IN CAMBRIDGE
5) NADWCON NEWS
6) MAKING MONEY STILL A BESTSELLER
7) PTERRY GOES TO WASHINGTON: NOW WITH SOUND AND PICTURES
8) IMAGE OF THE MONTH

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

9) APF MEET IN GERMANY
10) ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S WHICH WITCH QUIZ
11) THE ATE'NT DEAD COLUMN
12) DISCWORLD PRESENCE IN ONLINE COMICS
13) PROMISING NEWS FOR ROUNDWORLD IGORS
14) GOING COMPARATIVELY POSTAL

====Part 3 -- WEIRD ALICE'S CLACKS LOG

15) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

====Part 4 -- MORE WEIRD ALICE, AND HOROSCOPE

16) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC, CONTINUED
17) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED

18) YOUR MONTHLY HOROSCOPE CONTINUED JUN>DEC

====Part 6 -- HOROSCOPE CONTINUED, AND CLOSE

19) YOUR MONTHLY HOROSCOPE CONTINUED DEC>MAR
20) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"Fans write and say: 'What books have you got in the pipeline?' and,
really, there's no pipeline. There's just me." -- Terry Pratchett

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) EDITORIAL: THE RIGHT TIME TO READ

With the mounting interest regarding the Colour of Magic film in the
air, I recently went back and re-read both that seminal Discworld
novel and its partner, The Light Fantastic. And after many years of
watching the Discworld series lengthen and broaden and deepen, of
watching what were once throwaway comedic characters -- created to
further the plot of what their author thought would likely be a
short satirical exercise -- develop into living, breathing *people*
we readers cared about and came to think of almost as family, and of
hearing so many Discworld enthusiasts dismiss tCoM and tLF as, well,
the light first course that merely served to get us to the main
meal, I was surprised to find that they still stood up to my
standards of What Makes a Beloved Book. And having done that, I've
been going back and re-reading some of the novels in the series that
were amongst my less favoured ones...and what I've discovered is
that I must not have read them, originally, at the right time in my
life.

You can assume right here that there are no Discworld books that I
*dislike*, because that's the truth of it. But we all have our own
tastes, and for me there were some few novels that didn't ring my
bell as hard as the rest, and one that I considered my Least Liked:
Small Gods.

Small Gods was first published back in 1992, and of course I bought
it in hardcover the moment it came out -- there may be things in
daily life more important than hardcover books by one's favourite
author, but if so, I've yet to discover them; food and shelter, for
instance, come a distant second, and yes, I've put that to the test
before -- but on reading it, I was left a bit cold. I could never
warm to Brutha or any of the other main characters, and for me,
that's all-important. But when I re-read it last week, I was
astonished that I could ever *not* have loved it. There is so much
depth to it, and it contains the most impartial and humanistic
treatment of religion I've yet to encounter in a work of fiction.
And I can't put my finger on what's changed, as the book certainly
didn't rewrite itself when I wasn't looking! I was bedridden with a
long illness for the whole of that year, but my life was otherwise
good and I had no lack of time to savour and contemplate my reading
material...

I'm making a public apology here to WOSSNAME reader 71-hour Ahmed,
who recently told me that Small Gods was the Discworld novel dearest
to his heart. Point taken! And as I go back through the few books
that make up my Least Liked portion of the Discworld novels, I find
that these were also read at a time when I didn't get the full
appreciation from them. So I recommend to you, dear readers, that
you too go back and read whichever ones you found less wondrous once
upon a time. You might just be pleasantly surprised. I know I was.

-- Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) HOGFATHER USA BROADCAST AND DVD NEWS

Great news for American Discworld fans - the Hogfather has finally
found your chimneys!

Mob Films' live miniseries of Hogfather will air in its entirety on
ION Television, a network that reaches over 90 million American
homes. According to Robert Halmi, Jr., President and CEO of RHI
Entertainment, 'Terry Pratchett is among the most prominent authors
of our time. We are honored to work with him and are pleased to be
the first to unveil Hogfather to a U.S. audience.'

Hogfather will be part of the RHI Movie Weekend on ION Television
Sunday, November 25. The four-hour film airs at 7pm Eastern time
(6pm Central time).

IMPORTANT TRAILER NEWS: yes, Virginia, there *is* a trailer
promoting the US broadcast:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPfk3TPpr8Q

Best of all, especially for the many American fans who have been
waiting for news of the Hogfather American DVD release, the DVD --
featuring a special interview with Pterry -- will be available
exclusively at branches of Borders bookstore from 13th November
2007! The general release date for the DVD is apparently set for
March 2008, so you might want to storm your nearest branch of
Borders next month. In a politely-storming manner, waving money, of
course.

And a final exciting note: The Color of Magic, starring Sir David
Jason, Sean Astin and an all-star cast, is scheduled to make its
U.S. television debut in 2008.

-- from various sources including
http://www.c21media.net/news/detail.asp?area=1&article=38210

[Editor's note: Special nod of thanks to WOSSNAME reader Renee
Taylor, who first pointed this out!]

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) PTERRY ON VIDEO: WATCHING THE MASTER AT WORK

Here's a lovely video clip of Pterry being interviewed at his book
signing in Cambridge [UK] for Making Money. Entertaining as always,
and he makes one comment that would surely bring a smile to Nanny
Ogg's face!

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1270726931

...and also at work across the ocean: a podcast of Pterry's talk on
1st October at Barnes & Noble in New York is now available online
at

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/

Look for the link on the right-hand side, just below the top
banner!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

5) NADWCON: PLANNING AHEAD

This is the first of what will surely be many reminders - the first-
ever official North American Discworld Convention is, yes,
officially a go! Pterry himself is the primary GoH, and over the
coming months many other guests and attractions will be announced on
the NADWCON website. It will take place in Phoenix, Arizona on 4-7
September 2009; that's nearly two years away, but now is the time to
start planning your convention "holiday".

Now that Pterry's profile is higher than ever in North America (see
news about the upcoming Hogfather broadcast and DVD release), it's
time for all you Turtle-lovers to show your support. Let's make this
historic event as historic as an historic thing!

http://www.nadwcon.org/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

6) MAKING MONEY: MAKING THE BESTSELLER LISTS SIZZLE

10th October 2007: "Terry Pratchett's Making Money still ranks on
all five print lists compiled here -- the only book to do so this
week."

http://www.locusmag.com/2007/Bestsellers1009.html

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) PTERRY GOES TO WASHINGTON, WITH ICONOGRAPHS

Reader orderedchaos42 has sent in some lovely photos of Pterry's
featured appearance at the recent Library of Congress-sponsored
National Book Festival. They're available for viewing in the Files
section of the online WOSSNAME:

http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/WOSSNAME/photos/browse/60af

Also from the same source: a 28-minute Pterry podcast (downloadable
as MP3). It says in the blurb: "Science fiction and fantasy author
Terry Pratchett talks about his best-selling books and how he made
Death one of his most popular characters."

http://www.loc.gov/podcasts/bookfest/podcast_pratchett.html

Nice one!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) IMAGE OF THE MONTH: LOL-A'TUIN

By now nearly everyone must be aware of the craze for lolcats, or
cat macros as they're often known. But in case any readers have been
hiding under an elephant, this phenomenon started -- on the
internet, where else -- with people finding humorous photos of cats
and adding humorous text in "cat speak" (hey, it's widely known that
while cats have Opinions, they can't be bothered with good spelling
or grammar). Here's a good explanation:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolcat

And now the lolcat meme has a Discworld flavour: Lolcat A'Tuin!
Created by Discworld fan Hotclaws, and now available (with
permission) for viewing in the Files section of online WOSSNAME:

http://tinyurl.com/2tngu5

Right, you lot - get your Photoshop out and let's have a run of lol-
Rincewinds and lol-Librarians and...well, the Rim's the limit. Do
send them on!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 2 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part  2 - MORE NEWS AND THE SUCH

9) APF MEET IN GERMANY
10) ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S WHICH WITCH QUIZ
11) THE ATE'NT DEAD COLUMN
12) DISCWORLD PRESENCE IN ONLINE COMICS
13) PROMISING NEWS FOR ROUNDWORLD IGORS
14) GOING COMPARATIVELY POSTAL

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) APF MEET IN GERMANY

This is about to take place, but if any of you are already on your
way, feel free to write the meet up for WOSSNAME! Submissions to the
usual place (see bottom of page)

Alt.fan.pratchett member Uwe says: 'It is a while since we had a
meet in these parts. So it became time to organise a meet again. No
particular theme, but fun will be mixed with some history. There's
already a number of attendees to ensure the event is feasible, but
as always The More The Merrier is true. Meet-Newbies are welcome as
well, of course.'

The important points:

What: A meet
Why: Because it is far too long since the last one
Where: In Siegen, Germany (about midway in the triangle of Dortmund,
Frankfurt a.M., Koeln (Cologne)
<http://www.siegen.de/standard/page.sys/25.htm>
When: Saturday 27th of October, starting in the afternoon 15:00h

The meet will start in the Shamrock pub near Central Station
(Hauptbahnhof Siegen). Come one, come all. Hey, isn't it Oktoberfest
time there?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S QUIZ

Which witch...

(1) ...isn't actually a witch?
     b. Mrs Drull

(2) ...suffered death by baking?
     c. Aliss Demurrage

(3) ...had a natural age of under 21?
     b. Goodie Hamstring

(4) ...went a-Borrowing and forgot to come back?
     c. Granny Postalute

(5) ...pulled out one straw too many?
     a. Goodie Whemper

(6) Which soup is recommended for witches in the Magavenatio
Obtusis?
     d. Leek and potato

(7) What was unusual about the witch of the Gnarly Ground?
     b. She was made of stone

(7a) Which item of donated clothing shocked Granny Weatherwax?
     c. A cloak with a red lining

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

11) THE ATE'NT DEAD COLUMN

Pterry ate'nt dead! You might be surprised at how many people didn't
know that...

The Nottingham Pterry fans were a bit worried:
http://community.livejournal.com/discworld/773287.html

...and so were the gang at alt.books.pratchett:
http://tinyurl.com/3bqkwd

A brief edited transcript, in case the link doesn't work:

I have just heard that pTerry has had a stroke, but I can't seem to
find confirmation or denial of this. Is there any news?  Is pTerry
OK? -- Geoff

In the radio interview Len Oil linked to a couple of days ago,
Pterry mentioned he'd had a mild stroke recently[1], but wasn't even
sure *when* he'd had it, and the only effect seems to be that he can
no longer tie a tie. -- Dave

It is old news. Last Weekend he did a book signing in Plymouth and
according to my son he was in good health. -- Reader in Invisible
Writings

On a related note, I had a somewhat similar experience recently
while directing a stage production of Jingo. To help those
unfamiliar with Terry's work to get into the right frame of mind I
had our Footnote do a short rundown before the curtain opened. One
night when she mentioned that she would quite like to meet Terry a
supposed fan in the audience cried out that she was too late as
Terry had died in a car accident last year... Quite how these
rumours start is beyond me. -- redtiger

Sensationalism. People hear stroke. Stroke? Must've been lethal. So,
he's dead. He's dead? How'd he die? I dunno. Car crash or something,
perhaps? Did you hear he died in a car crash? In the words of a Mr.
Twain, "The rumors of my death have been highly exaggerated." --
ChesireCat

Having checked into this for another fan about 2 weeks ago, I can
confirm that the "ill health" report is somewhat exaggerated -- esmi

***

Also, continuing the James Nicoll Ate'nt Dead story, it's becoming
somewhat recursive. Some blogger pointed out the Wossname mention
to Mr Nicoll, and he's blogged about Wossname blogging about him!

Included in the comments thread is an exchange that's right at home
in the Discly universe:

* You do realize that eventually the two men will be historically
concatenated, leading to citations of "James Nicoll, 1846-2052,"
right?
* Nah, considering how many times they've gotten this wrong he'll be
lucky to get "1961-1918"
* My God... James is living in negative time! He's crossed over into
the antimatter universe.

http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/1003364.html

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

12) THE ARCHCHANCELLOR'S LOOKING A BIT...TWO-DIMENSIONAL

Another Discworld reference in the Unspeakable Vault webcomic:

http://www.macguff.fr/goomi/unspeakable/vault238.html

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

13) GENTLEMEN, THTART YOUR THCALPELTH

"Igor-style human, animal parts assembly on horizon"

http://tinyurl.com/2j6pnu

I wonder *which* Igors they had in mind...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

14) A TALE OF TWO POSTMEN
by Steven D'Aprano

...or two tales of postmen, actually. Two tales, two postmen, and
they knew a thing or two about stories...

Perhaps the most significant theme of Terry Pratchett's Discworld
novels is that of the power of stories. It runs deep in his work,
sometimes coming right to the surface, in Witches Abroad, Hogfather
or The Amazing Maurice; other times it is merely hinted at here and
there.

Of all the stories, those about hope are the most powerful. People
will believe what they want to believe, and sometimes what they fear
to believe, but either way they often make it true by believing it.
And nobody has a more practical grasp of the power of stories than
Moist von Lipwig, the Postmaster General of Ankh-Morpork in Going
Postal: he's even better at selling sizzle than  C.M.O.T. Dibbler --
possibly because, unlike Dibbler, when Moist sells you the sizzle,
there's always the hope that it might contain a steak (with Dibbler,
the best you can hope for is something that once was in a cow).
Being a con-artist who has made a very good living selling false
hope, Moist has a rather jaundiced view of hope: "And this was known
as that greatest of treasures, which is Hope. It was a good way of
getting poorer really very quickly, and staying poor. It could be
you. But it wouldn't be." [Going Postal]

Commander Sam Vimes is another character who is very aware that
police get their authority from such a belief, that they can operate
only because people believe that they can: "Coppers stayed alive by
trickery. That's how it worked. ... It was all smoke and mirrors.
You magicked a little policeman into everyone's head. You relied on
people giving in, knowing the rules. But in truth a hundred well-
armed people could wipe out the Watch, if they knew what they were
doing. Once some madman finds out that a copper taken unawares dies
just like anyone else, the spell is broken." [Thud]

The authority of, er, the authorities is not the only shared
illusion (or possibly delusion) that Pratchett refers to. Another is
money, the major theme of his most recent novel, Making Money. Back
in 2004, in Going Postal, Pratchett hinted at Making Money with the
words of Reacher Gilt: "You think about money in the old-fashioned
way. Money is not a thing, it is not even a process. It is a kind of
shared dream. We dream that a small disc of common metal is worth
the price of a substantial meal."

Making Money tells the story of Moist von Lipwig's efforts to direct
that dream in Ankh-Morpork, taking the city off the gold standard
and reforming its banks, making them more suitable for Vetinari's
plans for the city. In doing so, he has to wean them off one dream
-- that gold has inherent value -- and onto another: that a promise
to pay a dollar is no different to a dollar.

But let's go back to postmen. A quarter of a century ago, science
fiction author David Brin published a story about another postman
who sold dreams. In The Postman, Gordon Krantz is an itinerant
story-teller barely surviving in the shattered remains of a post-
nuclear-war America. Facing death from exposure overnight, Gordon
stumbles across a long-dead postman and dresses himself in the warm
uniform. More by accident than deliberately, he passes himself off
as an official of the Restored United States of America -- a
postman. To his surprise, the old postal uniform has the power to
bring hope to the scattered survivors; as he travels from village to
village, the dream of a restored nation brings distrustful villagers
together and becomes self-fulfilling. Encouraged by the lie, or no,
the myth that the country was healing itself, the independent
fiefdoms and villages of Oregon band together to restore their state
against the predations of misogynistic, slave-holding survivalists.

Both Gordon Krantz and Moist von Lipwig were forced into their roles
as postmen. Gordon took on the role more or less by accident,
putting on the uniform of a long-dead postman to save his own life
only to find that abandoning the charade was harder than continuing
it. Moist also chose to become a postman rather than die, although
in very different circumstances.

Their characters are quite different: Gordon is an idealist, a
surprisingly gentle soul for somebody who survived sixteen years of
the malicious anarchy that followed the aftermath of the bombs and
war-plagues. He is wracked with guilt for lying about the Restored
USA, long after it becomes obvious to even the most dim-witted
reader that the lie has taken on a life of its own. It took Gordon a
long time to notice that the myth he was spreading was more than a
mere lie and that the more people believed it was true, the more it
actually became true.

In contrast, Moist is a rogue and a liar and a cheat and knows
himself to be. Even when he developed something of a conscience,
Moist's guilt wasn't over the fact that he lied, but for the
thoughtless, selfish uses he had put those lies to. Unlike Gordon,
Moist knows the power of hope and of self-fulfilling illusions, and
felt few qualms about using it against the piratical robber-baron
Reacher Gilt and his cronies.

It has been said that the most fundamental principle of magical
thinking is that if you believe something strongly enough, it will
become true. If that is so, then although they are very different
characters in different worlds, both these tales of postmen show the
real magic of the world. The core of David Brin's novel is that
civilisation survives because we believe it will survive: bombs and
plagues and even nuclear winter alone can't kill it, and if a
conscious decision to turn our back on civilisation can, then a
hopeful myth will resurrect it from the ashes. Terry Pratchett's
novels show similar themes, such as this description of the
financiers who came in to clean up the mess left by Gilt and his
shell games:

"They'd saved the city with gold more easily, at that point, than
any hero could have managed with steel. But in truth it had not
exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the
fantasy of gold, the fairy dream that the gold is there, at the end
of the rainbow, and will continue to be there for ever provided,
naturally, that you don't go and look."

And that neatly foreshadows Making Money, which, at heart, is also
about the power of stories and belief.

* * *

For those interested in The Postman, you can read the Wikipedia
article on it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Postman

and David Brin's comments on the Kevin Costner movie based on the
novel here:
http://davidbrin.com/postmanmoviearticle.html

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 3 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 3 - THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

16) WEIRD ALICE: SHE'S BAAAACK!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

15) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

Post 7. TSORTED!

First Clog: "You Cloggers are all alike..."

I hadn't realised it was so long since my last Clogpost! Will try to
be more conscientious, because I want to remember all these journeys
when I'm too old to remember them without special equipment. I've
been told about "Clog ennui" -- that's what happens to about fifty-
five per cent of Cloggers -- at first it's all enthusiasm and long,
rambling posts, and then after a few months their posts get shorter
and they post less often, and then they find themselves going "Ooh,
I must make a post about that because it's so interesting" and
really mean to but seem to keep forgetting, and then a few more
months go by and they realise they haven't posted anything at all
and they've forgotten whatever was so interesting that they wanted
to post about. So I'll do my best. I've told Gimpy to give me a
bingly-bingly-beep reminder every two or three days. He offered to
just make a note of everything I do so I can "edit it later", but
I'm quite sure that some of the things I've been doing do NOT want
to be noted, and imps aren't exactly strong in the "a certain
discretion" department...

We had a fantastic time in Djelibeybi, weeks and weeks of it. Great
gigs out under the desert moon! I had a  number of interesting chats
with the Queen, and she introduced me to her friend Chidder of
Chidders Merchant Venturers U'ltd who sold me a new non-sapient
pearwood fretboard for my lute at less than cost price. He also gave
me a Recording Device, which is a sort of box with a sort of wire in
it that remembers sounds better than Gimpy doe-, um, better than one
would think possible (he tapped his nose and said I have to keep it
to myself because they've been banned in Ankh-Morpork and are
considered contraband; I'd say they're pro-band, myself). And as I
mentioned in my song DJEL STAR'S PYRAMID, Queen Ptraci has moved her
country kicking and screaming into the Century of the Anchovy and
has turned most of the old pyramids into hotels; room service is
still a bit heavy on the honeyed locusts, but the best thing about
sleeping in a pyramid is that you wake up a little younger every
morning. I know where I'm going to spend my retirement.

But all good things end eventually, and it was time to move on
before we wore out our welcome. I booked passage on a camel train,
and none of the camels broke down (though camel travel is rather
like a series of mobile breakdowns; take it from me, camels do not
give a smooth ride).

And now here we are in Tsort, having a less fantastic time.

Tsort has never been the same since the Siege of Ago -- the Ephebian
conquerors put their retsina-flavoured stamp on the place so
thoroughly that it's pretty much been a sort of Turnwise Ephebe ever
since. Everything is quiet and dusty and bucolic, relentlessly
picturesque locals dozing in the relentlessly picturesque sunshine,
flies buzzing quietly around the street markets...until opening
time, that is. Whatever glorious history Tsort had back in the days
when History was glorious, what it mostly is these days is a tourist
trap. Of course, the place is still full of Ephebians, but they
don't come here with pointy spears and siege engines now; they come
here for their holidays because the architecture is familiar and the
food is familiar and the music is familiar but they can walk down
the street without tripping over philosophers.

So instead of not being able to move for all the drunken
philosophers, you can't move for all the drunken holidaymakers. It's
all pubs and hotels and cafes and restaurants and retsina bars and
markets and more pubs and, most of all, nightclubs -- which makes it
one of the most popular destinations for all the Clubbe Circlesea
thirtysomethings. They say they come for the ambience and the mind-
broadening aspects of travel, but what they really come for is the
boozeries. There's the Fair Elenor, the Inferno (supposedly built on
the supposed spot of the supposed Fire of Tsort), the Wooden Horse,
the Lavaeolus, the King Mausoleum's Head and Artichoke, the
Uninvolved Civilian, the Siege of Tsort, the Sea God's Revenge, the
Legged Box (which lists itself as "Tsort's Oldest Inne", although
curiously enough no-one seems to know where its name came from), the
Soldier's Break...you get the idea. And then there are the
nightclubs. Oh gods, the nightclubs. The ceaseless wailing of
bouzoukis, the ceaseless barking of Bourzoukis, the ceaseless
single-entendre lyrics, the unavoidable Plate Breaking Dance, the
ubiquitous sleazily-named cocktails (not to be confused with the
Ephebian philosopher Ubiquitus, although it's said that he invented
a few sleazily-named cocktails in his day)...I feel like I need a
holiday to recover from my holiday...

The twentysomethings from Clubbe 18-29-and-3/4, on the other hand,
stop in Tsort for a few cocktails and then go straight to
Heliodeliphilodelphiboschromenos. It's popularly known as Heliodeli,
but what it should really be called is
Heliodeliphilodelphishaggarama! Why this crowd chose a sleepy, past-
it city in the middle of nowhere for their rampant, um, mating
rituals is a mystery; maybe it's because Heliodeli is a sleepy,
past-it city in the middle of nowhere? At any rate, not much
sleeping goes on there. We decided, Cert and I, to pass on that
particular tourist attraction. When one's (or two's) already been At
It like Oggs over half the Disc, including on a flying carpet,
having a designated spot for At It hasn't much appeal. We opted
instead for doing touristy things. We saw the River Tsort -- very
muddy and big on crocodiles -- and the Silent Marshes -- very silent
and big on mosquitoes -- and the Siege Market -- big on  leather
wine bottles and garlic and souvenirs of the Top(ple)less Towers --
and spent the rest of the time getting drunk with the Ephebian
tourists.

Well, most of the rest of the time. Speaking of being At It like
Oggs, things have reached the point where Cert can barely raise a
damp spark from his fingers [magic-wise, that is]. I think we may
have ruined his entire career future! Which is a shame because,
while he's a nice lad and I'm fond of him, I can't quite picture him
staying home and doing the washing-up while I goo off on concert
tours. Still, I won't be going home for a while yet...

Oh, we also visited the Great Pyramid of Tsort. After seeing what
Queen Ptraci did with the pyramids in Djelibeybi and after what
Tsort has done with alcoholic tourism, I was expecting something
slick and modern with hot and cold running kebabs. But it was not to
be. The great Pyramid is what you might call a *working* pyramid --
very, you know, industrial, with scaffolding everywhere because it's
so old and they don't want bits falling on the sightseers. There was
some very interesting ancient graffiti, though. Very *colourful*
graffiti. I don't know much Old Tsortean, just enough to translate a
few simple phrases, but these were definitely simple. And simply
definite. The most repeated graffito translates as THYS JOBBE SUXX,
and there were other popular ones that I oughtn't repeat. Looks as
if the lot of the working man, or working slave, never changes.

It's opening time! Here endeth this post.

***

Second Clog: "Do a little dance, buy a little round, get drunk
tonight..."

About things musical, and things...less musical: I haven't written
any new songs since I've been here. This is mostly to do with
someone else's song that's insanely popular here -- it's got into my
head and I can't get it out. Cert says it's a "wyrm of the ear", and
that's pretty accurate since it seems to be chewing its way through
my brain. I'm reproducing it here so you can share my pain! It goes
like this:

Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh

When you take me to the pub
Tell me I'm a round ahead
When you give me all your change
And booze away, until we're nearly dead

Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh

When we get to dance on the floor
And when we're all close in pairs
When you're dripping sweat in my ear
Widdershins, Turn-, who cares?

Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh
Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh

Booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze
Booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, booze

Tsort's the place, uh huh, uh huh
I like it, uh huh, uh huh...

...and repeat ad chunderam. See? Brain-eating. Whatever it was we
just barely escaped from in the Lost City of Ee couldn't have been
as soul-destroying as that!

On the other hand, they have some interesting musical instruments
here. There's the cythara, which is rather like a lyre; the forminx,
which is rather like a lyre that's been left out in the rain for 500
years and isn't as saucy as its name suggests; and the barbito,
which is a sort of bass-pitched sort-of lute completely lacking in
barbs. The latter, I'm told, was the favourite instrument of the
poet and philosopher Anachronistes, who was summoned by the then-
Tyrant Hipphoppus to compose drinking songs for his household.
Anachronistes was noted for his long life as well as his Bardic
skills; unfortunately, he choked to death on a grape at the age of
105, and none of his songs survive today, more's the pity as I'm
sure they had to be better than the Tsort song. But I bought a
barbito in the market, to send home. It sounds good with drums, and
I think I might even be able to start a new style of accompaniment
that way. Wish me luck.

Time to feed the imp, and then I have a gig tonight. I wonder how my
former travelling companions are getting on.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3, continued on Part 4 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 4 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 4 - MORE WEIRD ALICE AND HOROSCOPE

16) WEIRD ALICE CLACKS LOG, CONTINUED
17) YOUR MONTHLY HOROSCOPE: PHILOSOPHY

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

16) CLACKS LOG, CONTINUED

Third Clog: "Untitled"

I'm sure I heard Cert say the M word in his sleep last night. Not
the one you can't say in the UU library, the other M word. Oh dear.
I know he's tall and dark and nice and we...um. I hope he doesn't
remember his dreams.

***

Fourth Clog: "Home is where the harp is"

I got a clacks from home! It was waiting at the Genuan clacks office
for weeks, and then someone noticed that I'd clacksed from
Djelibeybi and sent it on and it ended up somehow at the Clacks
Restante office in Tsort, how excellent is that? It's from Mr
Kakhand at The Sore Loser: he says that the harp I ordered from
Llamedos by post seven years ago has finally arrived. Huzzah! I've
replied asking him to store it in the back room, not too close to
the scumble barrels, until I get back. He also says he reads all my
Clogs out to the regular customers -- I hope he leaves out the
really personal parts -- and that they're very well received, and
that I can have a pay rise when I come back if I'm still willing to
sing in a sleepy little local tavern. Oh, and Semolina is working
full-time now at the Lost Wages branch of the Seamstresses' Guild
and doing very well, and no-one interesting has died in the town
recently. It's good to get news from home.

Cert and I have decided that we're all Tsorted out now and ready to
move on to somewhere else. There's a Chidders ship leaving for the
Ell Kinte coast and points Rimwards tomorrow night, so we'll take
passage and see what turns up next. But we can't leave Tsort without
seeing the Labyrinth yet, even if it's completely touristy now and
all the death-traps have been replaced with papier mache models, so
we're joining the early tour first thing tomorrow morning.

The night is young. Time to get drunk and look for earplugs.

***

This should be an interesting morning. Everyone has a hangover, even
the six tour guides. At least we'll be underground...

***

Note to Gimpy in shortmouth: Split off from main tour party. Found
mysterious door in unmarked tunnel. Very old door. Curious. Trying
to open -- open now, going to see where it goes --

***

It seems we've ended up in Ankh-Morpork. In Empirical Crescent.
Number 17, according to the front door. Amazing! Going out to
explore now...

***

It seems the front door leads to Howondaland.

***

Got back through the front door just ahead of a tiger. Trying the
back door now.

***

It seems the back door leads to Cori Celesti. Leaving RIGHT NOW
before the Gods notice they have unauthorised visitors!

***

Dark now. Getting hungry and thirsty. Decided to try the front door
again, just in case it's changed. Fingers crossed...

***

We're in Bes Pelargic!

And you'll never guess who else is here..


-- Alice.


Note for Roundworlders: the original lyrics for That's the Way (I
Like It), by KC & the Sunshine Band, can be found at the band's
official website: http://www.kcsbonline.com/

Be warned, it's no less brain-melting in Roundworldese. Fun song,
though!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

17) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Lady Anaemia Asterisk


A GLASS OF WINE, A BAR OF SOAP, AND STARS

Well now, it's good to be back! After spending several days of last
month locked in a cupboard by an esbat of young witches, the sight
of my charts and sextant and orrery were welcome indeed. I should
have paid more attention to my own horoscope and taken that holiday
in Quirm...mind you, what's done is done, and it's best to be
philosophical about it. And by coincidence, this month's Horoscope
is all about philosophy. What path of wisdom is the best for you to
follow when you're born under a wandering star: the wisdom of the
Ancients, or the fresh newly-minted-and-sometimes-suspect wisdom of
the Moderns? What is philosophy, anyway? What is the meaning of
life? What is the airspeed of an unladen Pointless Albatross? Will
there be custard? Only the heavens know.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

Your most suitable philosophies: Ibidism; Ridiculism

The Ephebian philosopher Ibid derived the belief that the universe
is simple, basic and follows fundamental rules, and from this given
comes Ibidism. He also believed in a lot of shouting, especially at
other philosophers, so Ibidism is the perfect philosophy for
Hoggers; you do love your shouting, don't you... The precepts of
Ibidism are: remain rational, learn by observation, trust in the
principle of cause and effect, and always get someone else to do
your work for you, preferably a rival philosopher.

There are two schools of Ridiculism. One was founded by Ly Tin
Wheedle of the Agatean Empire, an aged and rather smelly sage (more
garlic than onion, and definitely a strong hint of ginger) who
believed that all questions should be answered in the longest, most
complex and obfuscatory manner and that a simple yes or no should
never be given when a convoluted and nonsensical aphorism will do
(especially when you're the sort of sage who charges by the hour);
this school of philosophy is wildly popular, particularly among
university students, helpdesk operators, medical practitioners and
elected civic officials.

The other school of Ridiculism, which is perennially engaged in a
legal battle for rights to the name, was set forth by Piotr Sodov
Zupnatzi of Uberwald; according to Herr Zupnatzi, true enlightenment
can only be achieved through the humility one feels after being
thoroughly, vituperatively and undeservedly insulted, and he carried
out a tireless one-man campaign to bring enlightenment to all until
his mission was sadly cut short by the pointed end of a pitchfork
wielded by a large and irate civic official. Strangely enough, this
other school of philosophy is also wildly popular, particularly
among middle management, sergeants, and the street traders of Ankh-
Morpork.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

Your most suitable philosophies: the Way of Mrs Cosmopilite; Call of
the Wiled

One of the most modern schools of philosophy, the Way of Mrs
Cosmopilite nonetheless resonates with ancient wisdom: this is
because, as the Mrs herself would say, it's as plain as the nose on
your face. Her homely sayings echo the deep thoughts of Wen the
Eternally Surprised, and despite her never having travelled beyond
the gates of Ankh-Morpork (well, once, but that was just for
business purposes), her canny exhortations cover all eventualities
and are proof that homegrown wisdom does sometimes come from far
away. If you remember that Seeing is Believing, but Don't Believe
Everything you Hear; if you remember that We're All Pretty Much the
Same, and that the Leopard Does Not Change his Shorts; if you
remember that Tomorrow is Another Day, and that the Grass is Always
Greener Over the Hill; and especially if you remember that you're No
Better than you Should Be, following the Way of Mrs Cosmopilite will
bring you true peace and enlightenment.

The Call of the Wiled is a rather specialist discipline of
philosophy. A combination of psychological torture techniques,
martial arts (in the rather all-encompassing sense of the term that
involves things red in tooth and claw rather than white in gi and
dojo), self-motivation and supposedly clever strategy, most often
cited as the "only true path to strength and purity", the Call first
came to Wolf von Uberwald and his followers in the mountain
fastnesses of his home country but has spread across the Disc into
all manner of unfortunate places. The Call of the Wiled teaches that
life is a game (and the game is War), that the strongest and most
merciless will become the Master Race, and that the victor always
takes the spoils and spoils the rest. Very popular with non-
enlightened dictators, corporate executives and competition ice
skaters.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

Your most suitable philosophies: Xenoism; the Path of the Sweeper

Xeno of Ephebe believed that the world is complex, random and
impossible to understand or predict, no matter what Ibid thinks.
Taking their cue from the Great Thinker, Xenoists believe that true
enlightenment comes only from being attuned to the basic nature of
the Cosmic All, and since the Cosmic All is chaotic and whimsical,
practising Xenoists dedicate themselves to irresponsibility, mood
swings and never remembering to take out the rubbish. Xenoists claim
that there is no good and no evil in the universe, only a series of
unreliable impulses and meaningless but sometimes amusing
accidents, so there's no point in trying to make sense of anything;
they rarely show up on time for appointments, but they do make
surprisingly good pinball players.

The Path of the Sweeper, as created by Lu-Tze of the History Monks,
is a deep and complex school of thought that is nevertheless
accessible to all (so long as you remember both Rule One and Rule
Nineteen). Lu-Tze holds that every seeker of wisdom must first find
a teacher and then find a Way. The general principles of the Path of
the Sweeper (and a very clean path it is) require no special
equipment and can be summed up by: never reveal the full extent of
your knowledge or abilities; always obey the spirit of the law,
because the letter of the law is usually laid down by people who
aren't thinking ahead; always recognise the difference between an
opportunity to show off and a genuine emergency; never forget to
appreciate the little details; and always use short firm strokes,
letting your broom do the work for you. This last precept can be
applied in all sorts of surprising places, especially by little
smiling wrinkly bald men who are obviously unarmed.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 4, continued on Part 5 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 5 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 5 - HOROSCOPE CONTINUED

18) YOUR MONTHLY HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

18) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED -- JUN>DEC

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

Your most suitable philosophies: Realist Magicalism; Scienceology

The philosophy of Realist Magicalism, first developed by the
research wizard Nils Gammon (who is not a dwarf, although often
mistaken for one), posits that the true inner nature of things is
far more important than their outer appearance. In other words, you
don't need incense, ceremonial masks and dribbly candles; all you
need is to learn to spell properly, as it were. Realist Magicalism
recognises that magic is a fundamental natural resource and though,
like any other resource, it needs to go through a sort of refining
process, wrapping it up in overblown packaging with extra tinsel is
both wasteful and tasteless. RMs (as they call themselves) believe
in practical approaches to life -- simplicity, honesty and
efficiency -- and their motto is "Do what thou will with whatever
thou happen to hath handy." Realist Magicalism champions the triumph
of substance over style; it is notably unpopular with tradition-
bound wizards and manufacturers of incense, ceremonial masks and
dribbly candles, but is considered the bee's knees by most
practising rural witches.

Scienceology, sometimes known as Dementics, is perhaps the most
curious school of philosophy on the Disc. The creation of one Huw
Bron Allard of Pseudopolis, mad scientist and purported writer of
the surrealistic Grime's Fairy Tales, Scienceology postulates that
there is a logical, rational and above all non-magical explanation
for the universe and everything in it. According to Allard, there is
no such thing as magic: Great A'Tuin the World Turtle came into
existence by a natural process of evolution, the Hub is made of
common iron, the colour octarine is a fiction and doesn't exist in
the spectrum, and we were all descended from an ancient race of
short-lived, ordinary, non-shining terrestrial beings with no
mystical agenda and no unearthly powers whatsoever. He and his
followers developed a process they call "editing", which involves
reprogramming the non-believer into a solid belief in science and
rationality (thus becoming more like our ordinary ancestors); a
reprogrammed person is known as a Muddy. Allard has not been seen
for many years now; while some say he still lives, in an unknown
place and by means of no potions or "magic" at all, the truth is
that the Faculty of Unseen University got tired of his nonsense and
turned him into a set of croquet hoops on the lawn of Wizards'
Pleasaunce.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers   23 Jul - 23 Aug

Your most suitable philosophies: Inebriism; Didactylic Cynicism

Inebriists never waste time worrying whether the proverbial bottle
is half-full or half-empty; they believe that the world only makes
sense from the bottom of the bottle, and only after its contents are
firmly settled into the believer. As the great sage Ethan Aule,
founder of Inebriism, declared, "The only discipline of this
discipline is no discipline." A practising Inebriist knows that the
answers to all questions of existence and meaning can be found at
the Hour After Opening Time, and that no journeys to faraway lands
or years of drinking yak-butter tea at the feet of of a wizened monk
can ever bring the clarity of perception that follows the ingestion
of a good claret. Re-inebriists, a specialised subset of this school
of philosophy, believe higher states of enlightenment can only be
attained through the consumption of reannual vintages; an astute Re-
inebriist can see the meaning of life in the colours of last year's
chunder, and a true Master Inebriist can infer the path of his or
her life simply by browsing a reannual wine-seller's catalogue. When
you get down to it, the only question that truly matters to the
Inebriist is "what's yours?"

Didactylos was quite possibly the wisest of all the Ephebian
philosophers and is certainly the most popular among the drinking
fraternity. According to Didactylos, the world is funny and old and
re-creates itself constantly ("There'll be another one along in a
minute"), so there's no point in worrying about past mistakes and
you might as well just go get drunk. Didactylic Cynics tend to
atheism and, well, cynicism. They traditionally carry lanterns, but
this is merely so they can find their way home after closing time.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

Your most suitable philosophies: Luddism; Feeglosity

Luddism is not about hatred of machinery, not at all -- it's about
the love of clockwork. Named in honour of Lobsang Ludd, who famously
makes time for everything, the philosophy of Luddism encompasses a
belief that an understanding of the true nature of Time leads to
understanding -- and control -- of *all* things. Luddites tend to be
quietly arrogant (their favourite aphorism is Tempus non fugit nisi
sic dico, "Time doesn't fly unless I say it does"); they move very
slowly (except when they move so fast that you can't see them at
all), and they always seem to have time for long holidays, afternoon
siestas and that extra round down the pub. They believe that Time
reveals all secrets, heals all wounds, explains all mysteries and
makes all possibilities possible. The ability to manipulate Time
means that while everyone else is slaving away in the fields or at
the forge, your Luddite is lazing on the front lawn in a deckchair,
cool drink in hand, enjoying a perfect summer afternoon (oddly
enough, in the middle of a winter snowstorm; even more oddly, at
what other people think is three o'clock of a dark and moonless
night). For an advanced Luddite, one man's minute is another's gap-
year backpacking holiday. Luddites would make brilliant office
managers and civic planners, but for some reason, none of them ever
find the time for jobs like those...

Crivens! What we have here is another plain and simple philosophy,
taken from the lifestyle and beliefs of the Nac mac Feegle clans.
It's what you might call the non-thinking man's philosophy; the
emphasis is on action, on acting rather than reacting, and on
looking at Big Questions such as "why are we here?" and "what's it
all about, anyway?" and giving them a clean miss in favour of
drinkin', stealin', fightin', and generally having a good time
without disturbing those pesky higher brain functions. Feegles
believe that they are already dead and that this *is* the afterlife,
so from the Feegle point of view it's one big non-stop party. Of
course, there is also a tradition of dreeing one's weird, which in
ordinary language means facing up to your (possibly horrible) fate,
but as you're already dead your fate has happened anyway, and
there's no point in worrying about how it turned, would have turned,
or was meant to have turned out, because that would only distract
you from your next round of drinkin', stealin' and fightin'.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

Your most suitable philosophies: Code of the Igors; Noworis

The Code of the Igors may be the personal family philosophy of that
Uberwaldean tribe, but you Boring'uns can learn much from it. The
Igors learned long ago that the world is indeed full of uncertainty,
stormy weather, mad doctors, insane noblemen, loopy scientists and
angry villagers with sharp pitchforks, and to deal with these
vagaries they developed the Code. Its main precepts are: Never
Contradict; Never Complain; Never Make Personal Remarks; and never,
ever Ask Big Questions. Also, the lesser but equally important
points: be loyal, dependable, and discreet (although, with Igors,
there is also a basic precept of being...discrete), smile often in a
harmless way, never oil doors, always have a bag of personal
possessions packed and ready where it can be grabbed at short
notice, and always know where the back door is. All in all, a very
sensible philosophy for Boring'uns to live by!

From the faraway land of Fourecks comes the philosophical discipline
of Noworis, as propounded by Ecksians of all walks of life. The
ideals of Noworis are egalitarianism ("You can spit on the mat and
call the cat a galah"), optimism ("She'll be right, mate"),
reverence for Nature ("It's a beaut arvo, so let's knock off work
and hit the pub and she'll be right, mate"), appreciation of the
nuances of language ("Garn mate, you don't half pong like a dingo's
armpit"), and the seeking of the simplest and most harmonious
solutions to all problems ("Giss'another tinnie and throw some more
snags on the barbie and she'll be right, mate"). Masters of the
higher intricacies of Noworis are always called Bruce, as a term of
respect and to avoid confusion.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

Your most suitable philosophies: the Wisdom of Cohen; Chil-mon-chil

The Wisdom of Cohen is one of the simpler philosophies. It teaches
us that life is nasty, brutish and short but also contains wine,
women, song and rare jewels just begging to be stolen, and can be
summed up by "want, take, get distracted by the next shiny thing".
The Wisdom of Cohen also shows us that the best things in life are
minor pleasures -- in the words of the Master himself, "Hot water,
good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper" -- and that most really
difficult questions can be answered with the swing of a good
broadsword. A simple philosophy indeed, yet strangely tricksome to
master as it requires good reflexes, mighty thews, the morals of a
randy tomcat and a sense of self-confidence you could plate a
siege engine with.

Chil-mon-chil, the venerable and almost inexpressibly uber-
fashionable philosophy of the Monks of Cool (as delineated by Ben
Zodi-Asa P'aam, who was seriously relaxed, and Zanax, who was too
cool to have more than one name), assures its disciples that the
meaning of everything lies in whatever cool people decide it means
and that the only state of enlightenment worth striving for is the
one that looks flashiest and most effortlessly nonchalant. Advanced
Chil-mon-chilists, also known as Dudes, might consider the lesser
known sect of Neo Chil-mon, which involves kung fu, dark glasses and
a really stylish leather coat.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

Your most suitable philosophies: Objectionalism; Lex Subterranis

Objectionableism, the strictly individualist, anti-collectivist
philosophy created by Anya Moribunda Cisterna Avaricia Randova (from
Uberwald, obviously), teaches that everything Randova says is the
epitome of excellence and anything everybody else says is
objectionable -- especially governments, trade guilds, churches and
other collectivist groups who disagree with her. Nevertheless,
Randova believes that government has an essential role in
safeguarding the ability of Objectionableists to make as much money
as they are capable of making in as short a period as possible.
Objectionalism is not open to debate (for more information, consult
her best-selling books We the Unliving, The Showerhead, and Berilia
Shook).

Lex Subterranis, also known as the Precepts of Mining, has been
handed down from Dwarf to Dwarf on the pointy end of a pick and
shovel. It shares some concepts with Ibidism, but the Dwarfs believe
that the world is simple, basic and ordered not due to any
fundamental nature of things but because Laws make it so. There's a
course of action for everything, and a Law to answer every question
(for example, the answer to "Why am I on tailings duty while Bors
Cleverdiksson gets to play with the nuggets?" is "Book of Mining,
Volume 239, page 627: the King always knows what duty best suits
each worker."), and this teaches us to accept our lot in life and
function well within our society. The Lex Subterranis also reveres
the power of the written word. This philosophy makes for a simple
and satisfying life, as all those difficult questions are covered:
it's easy to sleep well at night when, for example, the answer to
"Why are we here?" is "To tease the last bits of good ore out of
Seam 22 while the price of gold is up thruppence in the dollar."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 5, continued on Part 6 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - OCTOBER 2007 -- PART 6 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 6 - HOROSCOPE CONTINUED, AND CLOSE

19) YOUR MONTHLY HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED -- DEC>MAR
20) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

19) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED

Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

Your most suitable philosophies: Commercialism; the Way of Ogg

Commercialism, as propounded by the great sage (and onion) C.M.O.T.
Dibbler, informs us that life is all about seizing opportunity and
offering it to others at a discount. This philosophy, based on one
of lifekind's oldest activities, can be deeply humanistic and
altruistic if properly practised in the manner of its founder; his
understanding of the fundamentally intertwined nature of both
sausage and sizzle promotes uncrushable optimism and the realisation
that, even if contents are disappointing compared to their packaging
and sales pitch, there is always another package and always a chance
that the Great Pie of Life will eventually contain Named Meat.
Practising Commercialists may appear to be selling shoddy goods in a
dishonest manner, but their modest profits facilitate a subtextual
payback of bringing the community closer together -- strangers and
even enemies commiserating over the wobbly green bits -- and helping
people count their blessings -- "thank gods my wife/mother/
apprentice can cook better than *that*". And Commercialist Masters
can always get it for you wholesale, which certainly beats the sound
of one hand clapping.

The Way of Ogg is the oldest philosophy known to Mankind, yet it is
the only one ever to address the questions and practices of
Womankind and provide specific answers. A practising Oggist, or
Oggess, knows that what the world is really all about is a vast
appetite for living and loving (especially the latter), a vast
capacity for good food and drink (especially the latter), a vast
openness of mind, and the power of a low-cut bodice. The wisdom of
Ogg teaches us that all creatures great and small (especially men)
are open to suggestion, and that suggestive suggestion is the
quickest path to getting all sorts of things open (especially low-
cut bodices). Oggists believe in family values (especially the value
of having a large family, as that guarantees an eventual army of
interchangeable nameless daughters-in-law to take care of your
housework) and forgiveness (as long as it doesn't involve family
squabbles), and firmly believe that when faced with any of life's
Big Questions, the best position to take is always the horizontal.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

Your most suitable philosophies: the Word of Wen; Sumtin Zen

The Word of Wen was first brought into the world by Wen the
Eternally Surprised after a very interesting one-night stand with
Time (the anthropomorphic personification, that is, and since they
produced offspring, it must have been *Mother* Time, which just goes
to show that some stories do get the details awfully skewed). The
Word itself is probably "quantum", but what his message means is
that the universe is re-created in every instant, that memory is the
only Past, and that if you get the hang of mutable realities you can
change history, save the world *and* do some seriously nifty moves
on the karate mat. Followers of Wen seek enlightenment through
seeing things as they really are but testing the probable truth of
all information, remembering that there is more sameness than
contrast in the history of the sentient races, cherishing the
constant newness of everything around them, recognising that
appearances can deceive, and respecting those who have a greater and
longer store of memories -- in other words, just like the Way of Mrs
Cosmopilite but offering more dojo mojo.

The philosophy of Sumtin is existentialist, surrealist,
perceptionist, transcendentalist, postmodernist, absurdist,
nontheist, ultra-humanist, pre-prescriptivist and quite possibly
plain daft, and its sub-school of Sumtin Zen is all that with extra
added funny mushrooms. A famous schism, during the battle (or
debate, or probably debattle) to determine whether Sumtin Zen was a
philosophy or a religion, caused three major subsects to split off
into separate disciplines: the Tea'ites believe that all the
profound secrets of the universe can be found by staring into a good
hot cuppa; the Goofis believe staunchly in the transcendental power
of funny-looking desert fungi; and the Munni, who are pretty much
indistinguishable from Yen Buddhists, believe that the only way to
satisfy the long night of the soul is to count coins. Lots of coins.
And then keep them in your bank account.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage   19 Feb - 20 Mar

Your most suitable philosophies: Postvitalism; Pedantophilism

Postvitalism is perhaps the most fervent and proactive of all
philosophies and stems from the First Principle, "that which does
kill us makes us stronger." As first taught by Reg Shoe at the Fresh
Start Club, 668 Elm Street, Ankh-Morpork, Postvitalism posits that
the confusing nature of life is caused by overexcited (that is to
say, living) glands, and that therefore life can be truly understood
and lived to its fullest (so to speak) only by the Undead. Adherents
of Postvitalism tend to be strangely excitable for the glandless,
but they are nonviolent and love nothing more than a good debate.
However, there are not many followers, and none who deliberately
died to find such enlightenment; this is one philosophy that only
successfully preaches to those already in the choir.

Pedantophilism, which does not mean what you think it means, is the
school of philosophy that seeks enlightenment in, well, enlighten-
ment. Pedantophiles, also known as Bibliophiles (which also does not
mean what you think it means) and Didacts (sometimes Peripatetic
Didacts), believe that a little learning is a dangerous thing but a
lot of learning leads to enlightenment (and, sometimes, tenure). The
followers of Pedantophilism lead a life of simplicity, penury and
assiduous work (though with no heavy lifting, except when a
consignment of textbooks has to be hoicked into the cart). Their
motto is "Libertis via Logos", which means "browse through the
contents of a library and you'll end up much smarter than a short
plank", and the ultimate goal of a Pedantophile is to achieve wisdom
through memorising at least one complete edition of the
Uncyclopaedia Morporkia.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

20) AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM HER

That wraps it up for this month's issue. I hope everyone has a happy
Hallowe'en and a great November. See you next month!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

ADDENDUM TO WOSSNAME OCTOBER 2007 ISSUE

Greetings, O WOSSNAME readers!

It appears that the links I posted to images in the online WOSSNAME
files section (items 7 -- PTERRY GOES TO WASHINGTON: NOW WITH SOUND
AND PICTURES -- and 8 -- IMAGE OF THE MONTH) only work if you're
signed in to Yahoogroups; but the following links will get you the
images direct from this email:

Pictures of PTerry at the National Book Festival:
http://www.fileden.com/album/1373408/28434

or direct:
http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/22/1373408/pterry-hatted.jpg
http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/22/1373408/pterry-hatless.jpg

LOL A'tuin:
http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/8/22/1373408/atuin.jpg

Enjoy!

-- Annie Mac, Editor

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
November 2007 (Volume 10, Issue 11)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No. As a
member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion, you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff  Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR
3) PTERRY HIMSELF: I ATE'NT DEAD
4) HOGFATHER AUSTRALIAN DVD RELEASE
5) NADWCON NEWS: IT'S ON!

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS

6) DWCON 2008 NEWS
7) ACTION REPLAY: PTERRY GOES TO WASHINGTON
8) GETTING INSIDE PTERRY'S HEAD
9) UNSEEN THEATRE AUDITIONS
10) STEPHEN FRY NEEDS TO READ DISCWORLD NOVELS!
11) THE GOOD WEBBE GUIDE
12) THE UNOFFICIAL PTERRY COMPANION: REVIEW

====Part 3 -- ...AND MORE... AND ALICE

13) LU-TZE'S YEARBOOK OF ENLIGHTENMENT: REVIEW
14) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

====Part 4 -- MORE ALICE

15) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED

====Part 5 -- MORE ALICE, AND HOROSCOPE

16) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED
17) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE MAR>SEP

====Part 6 -- HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED, AND CLOSE

18) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE SEP>MAR
19) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"In fact it's the view of the more thoughtful historians,
particularly those who have spent time in the same bar as the
theoretical physicists, that the entirety of human history can be
considered as a sort of blooper reel. All those wars, all those
famines caused by malign stupidity, all that determined, mindless
repetition of the same old errors, are in the great cosmic scheme of
things only equivalent to Mr Spock's ears falling off."

-- footnote in The Last Continent, p. 195, Doubleday hardcover

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

This is a very short editor's letter to say that this is a very long
issue! The master is alive and well, no-one's choked on a concubine,
and there are some interesting new publications recently out or
forthcoming. Enjoy!

-- Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) A WORD FROM THE MASTER

...who provably -- note spelling -- ate'nt dead:

Various people have been enquiring about my health and so this,
short of jokes like "at last I can't remember the 60's, so I was
there" is how we think the story goes:

As far as we can tell, I had a minor stroke about two years ago. I
didn't know it at the time. I was working hard on Wintersmith and
then immediately on Making Money and the fact that my typing seemed
more erratic than usual I put down to hard work and, not to put too
finer point on it, old age creeping on. It was only a couple of
months ago that I was thinking about having an MRI scan, mostly
because I had just typed a sentence that I couldn't understand!

It appears to have been "one of those things". Frankly, over the
years I have suffered from "those things" so often that I might as
well check into the Royal Things hospital. The only other effect
seems to be slightly more tiredness and less mental alertness at the
end of the day.

And that's it. I was astonished to get through the six hour twenty-
five minutes signing at Forbidden Planet in London the other week
and still be in a shape to go out for a business dinner afterwards,
especially since my previous best time of five hours fifty-eight
minutes left me hallucinating. Clearly adrenalin is the best
medicine. In the longer term, though, there really is going to have
to be a reduction in touring. What I will add, though, is that all
current commitments including the Australian tour, the UK Discworld
Convention next year and the proposed US Discworld Convention in
2009 will be honoured, provided my health is no worse than it is
now.

Terry Pratchett

********

...AND HOW THE PRESS TOLD IT

Terry Pratchett: 'I had a stroke - and I didn't even notice'
Daily Mail UK:

http://tinyurl.com/2jwn7m


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) HOGFATHER DVD NOW AVAILABLE IN XXXX

At last! The DVD of Hogfather is being released in Australia!

Copies can be pre-ordered through Video Ezy, who claim that
Hogfather DVDs will be available in-store on 6th December:
http://www.videoezy.com.au/default.aspx?page=detail&itemId=43331

True Gamer are offering a good discount price:
http://www.truegamer.com.au/Hogfather-pr-90677.html

...as are DeVoteD DVD:
http://tinyurl.com/3bvqux

Now you know just what to get to give that extra touch of class to
the pile of pressies under your inappropriately decorated eucalyptus
tree...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

5) NADWCON NEWS: ALL THE INFO

The Official Announcement!

The First North American Discworld Convention will be held September
4-7, 2009 (Labor Day weekend which includes a Monday holiday) at the
Tempe Mission Palms Hotel in downtown Tempe, Arizona (near Phoenix).
It will be a celebration of the Discworld universe created by our
Guest of Honor Terry Pratchett. Other guests will include Diane
Duane, Peter Morwood, and Esther Friesner, with more to be
announced. During the weekend we will have many panels,
presentations, readings and other activities for Discworld fans. We
are also planning to have a Maskerade, a Banquet, a Marketplace
(dealer's room/art show), a Charity Auction to benefit the Orangutan
Foundation, a Hospitality Suite, and other activities for attendees.
The North American Discworld Convention is being sponsored by
Leprecon, Inc., an Arizona non-profit volunteer corporation.

Our Guest of Honor, Terry Pratchett, is the international best-
selling author of the Discworld novel series, which began in 1983
with The Colour of Magic and most recently continued in Making
Money. His young adult and children's books, including the Johnny
Maxwell series and the Tiffany Aching Discworld YA books, have been
well received, and he was awarded the 2001 Carnegie Medal for The
Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents. He also co-wrote Good
Omens with Neil Gaiman.

Our additional guests are fans of Terry's work and good friends of
Terry's. They are also excellent convention guests in their own
right and we're looking forward to having them join us.

Diane Duane and Peter Morwood have written many novels, comics, and
screenplays, both singly and as collaborations. They co-wrote The
Ring of the Nibelungs miniseries (aired in the U.S. on SciFi as Dark
Kingdom: The Dragon King), and each has several new novels and
projects in the works.

Esther Friesner is a science fiction and fantasy writer best known
for her humorous stories and anthologies (such as Alien Pregnant by
Elvis and the Chicks in Chainmail series) and her fantasy novel
series (Majyk, Demons, New York by Knight, and Gnome Man's Land).
She's recently embarked on a young adult series featuring a young
Helen of Troy with Nobody's Princess and the upcoming Nobody's
Prize.

We will be hosting other guests with connections to Terry and
Discworld in addition to those above and will announce them as they
are confirmed.

The convention will run from early afternoon on Friday, September
4th to late afternoon on Monday, September 7th. There may be some
limited activities available for pre-registered members on Thursday
night, September 3rd, depending on the travel schedule of our
guests. Tentative plans for major events include a special event on
Friday night, the Maskerade on Saturday night, and a Banquet in the
early evening on Sunday. We will have special panels with our guests
including a spotlight talk/interview with Terry Pratchett, probably
on Saturday afternoon. Outside of the major panels and events we
plan to have more discussion panels, presentations, readings,
demonstrations, games, and other activities that will make this a
fun and memorable weekend for everyone.

The Charity Auction will benefit Terry Pratchett's favorite charity,
the Orangutan Foundation, and will likely be held on Sunday
afternoon. There may be some additional fund-raising activities
during the weekend as well.

Our venue is the Tempe Mission Palms Hotel in Tempe, Arizona.
Leprecon, Inc. has recently hosted the 2004 World Fantasy Convention
and the 2006 Nebula Awards weekend at the Tempe Mission Palms and it
has received acclaim from fans and pros at those events.  The hotel
is located in the heart of downtown Tempe with a varied selection of
restaurants, shopping and nightlife nearby. It is a short distance
from Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport and is accessible via
the Phoenix Light Rail system, which will be opening in late 2008.
Our room rates are US $119 per night S/D, US $129 T, and US $139 Q
with a US $9.75 per night hospitality fee that includes airport
shuttle, valet and self parking, internet access, a fitness center,
and more. The online booking code and the reservation phone number
will soon be available on our website.

The initial membership rate will be US $60 for a full weekend
membership, or US $30 for a supporting membership. Children 6-11
will pay US $30 with kids 5 and under free with an adult membership.
These rates will be in effect until March 31, 2008. This rate
includes all regular convention events, panels and presentations.
The Banquet and a possible VIP event/charityevent will cost extra
and will be announced when details are finalized. Payments can be
made via the mail or online via Paypal. Full details are on our
website. We are planning to cap membership in the 900 attendee range
to ensure that all attendees will be able to be seated at the major
functions in our ballroom.

For those wanting to mix in some tourism around the convention we
will be looking into making arrangements with local touring
companies for trips before and/or after the convention with the
possibility for some special excursions being arranged for
attendees. Keep an eye on our website for details.

We're looking forward to hosting a fun weekend for all of our
attendees and our guests. Please be sure to visit our website at
http://www.nadwcon.org and join in the discussions on our message
board and livejournal community.

Lee Whiteside
2009 North American Discworld Chair
http://www.nadwcon.org

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- NOVEMBER 2007 -- PART 2 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 2 - MORE NEWS AND THE SUCH

6) DWCON NEWS
7) ACTION REPLAY: PTERRY GOES TO WASHINGTON
8) INSIDE PTERRY: HARPER COLLINS INTERVIEW
9) UNSEEN THEATRE AUDITIONS
10) WAITER, THERE'S A FRY IN MY SOUP!
11) THE GOOD WEBBE GUIDE
12) THE UNOFFICIAL PTERRY COMPANION: REVIEW

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) DWCON 2008: ROOM AT THE INN

Exciting -- and thrifty -- news for DWCon '08 conventiongoers, from
the DWCon Hotel Team:

Would you like to make your stay at the Convention that little bit
extra special?  Are you celebrating a special event or anniversary
or honeymoon at the Convention or would you like more space for your
costume collection? Perhaps buy yourself an early Hogswatch present?

Well you are in luck, we are pleased to announce an excellent deal
on room upgrades at the Hilton Metropole Birmingham. Our tireless
Hotel Team have successfully negotiated significant discounts for
upgrades on their premium rooms and suites, on top of the already
discounted Convention room rate.

Upgrade prices are in addition to the normal Convention room rates
and are payable *per room, per night* - not per person.

Rates are as follows:

- Executive rooms for an extra £30 per night (normally £60)

- Junior Suite more your style? An extra £80 per night per room
instead of the usual £150

- Really want to splash out? How about an Executive Suite?  Usually
priced at £250 extra per room per night, Discworld conventioneers
pay less than half this at an extra £120 per room per night.

Numbers are very limited, so if you want to take advantage of this
offer, please email hotel@... or contact us as soon as
possible with your membership number, details of the room(s) you
have booked and the upgrade you would like. Please note that you
must have already booked your standard rate hotel accommodation
prior to requesting an upgrade.

If the upgrade is a surprise for your companion(s) please mention
this in your mail or letter - our Hotel Team will be the souls of
discretion.

Rumour has it that the hotel management were last seen cutting their
own throats and crying on one Mr Dibbler's shoulder and turning
their prayer wheels as their price structure took a trip into times
past. Poor lambs, the the Hotel Team haven't finished with them
yet...watch this space.

For more info and news about the Convention itself:

http://www.dwcon.org/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) ACTION REPLAY: PTERRY'S TURN AT THE NATIONAL BOOK FESTIVAL

A webcast of Pterry's talk at the recent National Book Festival in
Washington, D.C.:

http://www.loc.gov/bookfest/authors/ram/tpratchett.ram

or

http://www.loc.gov/today/cyberlc/feature_wdesc.php?rec=4185

(Note: this talk is different from the podcast one.)

--

Emily Whitten, vice-chair and webmaster of the NADWCon, has blogged
about Pterry at the National Book Festival. Lots of iconographs! And
also, now we know what at least one Colour of Magic film extra looks
like...muhahaha...:

http://foresthouse.livejournal.com/400093.html

--

The Library of Congress Gazette features a lovely photo of Pterry at
the National Book Festival on the front page of its late October
2007 issue.

Low resolution:
http://www.loc.gov/bookfest/docs/gazette_071019_public_lo.pdf

High resolution:
http://www.loc.gov/bookfest/docs/gazette_071019_public_hi.pdf


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) GETTING INSIDE PTERRY'S HEAD

No, it's not an image of his brain scan (as referred to in the Daily
Mail article). But it is an interesting interview in text form, as
given on HarperCollins:

http://tinyurl.com/2qm955

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9) UNSEEN THEATRE AUDITIONS COMING UP!

News from the famous Fourecksian theatre company:

WHAT: PRATCHETT PIECES 2 - THE LIVE RADIO PLAY
WHO: Presented by Unseen Theatre Company in association with
Insight Presents
DIRECTOR: Rod Lewis
WHEN:  Sunday December 2nd  at 2pm
WHERE: Bakehouse Theatre 255 Angas St. Adelaide
PERSONNEL REQUIRED: Male and female roles all ages (some doubling
roles), musicians, tech crew, backstage crew, FOH crew
PERFORMANCES: Adelaide Fringe 2008. March 5, 6,7,8,12,13,14,15 at
5.30pm (actors and tech required from 4.30pm)
MORE INFORMATION:
Rod Lewis 0402027891 or rod@...
ABOUT THE SHOW:-
The Discworld is on the air with an outrageous collection of short
stories by Terry Pratchett, performed in the crazy style of an old
time radio show. THRILL to the action! LAUGH at sound effects
created live on stage! SWOON over the real looks of those handsome
heroes, leading ladies and worn out warriors who will stop at
nothing to prove that they still have it! Anything is possible in
the outrageous world of aural illusion!

Unseen Theatre Company is South Australia's only company dedicated
to presenting the comical works of best selling British author Terry
Pratchett, while "Insight Presents" is this State's only live radio
theatre company.

Together, these two specialists will take you out of this world and
send you out of your mind with a unique bite of futuristic history.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) WAITER, THERE'S A FRY IN MY SOUP

Stephen Fry, noted master actor and himself no mean humorist,
recently gave accidental offence to the Discworld fan community by
means of a throwaway remark relating to Pratchett readers and soup-
eating, in his blog:

http://stephenfry.com/blog/?p=27

As a longtime admirer of Mr Fry's work, I do hope he gets the time
to read some Discworld books -- and that he's by now learnt that the
name Vimes doesn't begin with an N!


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

11) THE GOOD WEBBE GUIDE

A new, official site dedicated to the art of Josh Kirby:

http://www.joshkirbyart.com/

The site is still under construction, but is already lovely to look
at and contains a number of complete pages under various headings
(biography, artworks, etc.). Be sure to drop back now and then to
check for updates!

***

A survey for a good cause:

Eve Smith, a graduate student at Liverpool John Moores University,
is working toward her doctorate on Discworld, and has compiled an
extensive dedicated Discworld reader survey.  "Rather than a
straightforward literary analysis of Discworld my PhD falls within
the discipline of cultural studies and is looking specifically at
how comedy interacts with society. As part of this I am very
interested in finding out about Discworld fans."

Sadly, the university ethics committee prohibits anyone under the
age of 16 to take part in the survey.

http://www.survey.ljmu.ac.uk/discworld2

***

A new place for cunning merchandise:

http://thecabinetofcuriosities.co.uk/

Bernard Pearson, the Artificer himself, leads a team of other
cunning thing-makers offering curious facts and fascinating
artefacts for sale on this beautifully presented site.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

12) A NOT VERY SHORT HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING PTERRY:

The Unofficial Companion to the Novels of Terry Pratchett
Reviewed by Annie Mac

"Ohh noes! It's another Pratchett compendium! And I bet they forgot
to mention *this* and they didn't give enough credit to *that* and
what do we need another book for when we already have the Discworld
Companion and the Annotated Pratchett File and and and..."

Yes, it's another Pratchett compendium. But it certainly deserves
to exist. And I like it.

It's a labour of love -- lot of labour, and a whole lotta love.
Compiler/editor Andrew Butler, who also co-edited Terry Pratchett:
Guilty of Literature, has obviously devoted a Librarian-worthy
(oook!) amount of time and care to creating this ambitious reference
work, and a team of eleven writers, academicians and general Pterry-
nuts have also contributed greatly to the content.

There are plenty of Discworld and general Pratchett fans who can
confidently -- and correctly -- answer, at parties, every question
every compiler of a Wyrdest Link-type trivia game could possibly
come up with, but Andrew Butler and his co-researchers have
*actually taken the time to write things down*. A myriad of things.
Useful things, interesting things, thought-provoking things, not-a
-lot-of- people-know-that things, and all of it covering or relevant
to Terry Pratchett's entire oeuvre. All the novels are here, not
only Discworld ones but also the Bromeliad series, the Johnny
Maxwell Series, Good Omens, the Unadulterated Cat, etc.; all the
well-known and lesser-known short stories, from The Sea and Little
Fishes to Hollywood Chickens to Turntables of the Night, plus the
collected odds and sods of Pterry's other work such as magazine
pieces; not to mention the Science of Discworld novels, the Mapp
books, the artwork collections, the audio versions, the animated
versions, the stage versions, the screen versions...it's an
impressive collection, and it has a good heart. What's not to like?

While the Discworld Companion (and its updated edition) might offer
a greater number of entries about various characters, places,
philosophies and whatnot, these only cover the Discworld novels.
While the online Annotated Pratchett File might offer masses of
fine-ground explanations for every little detail of so many of the
novels, you can't hold it in your hands and turn the pages at will.
The Unofficial Companion, in my opinion, goes a long way toward
filling that gap. In its pages you'll find biographies of vital
members of Team Pterry (e.g. Stewart and Cohen, Kirby and Kidby,
Stephen Briggs, Colin Smythe et al), essays on important themes,
history, sociology and the like in Pratchett's work (e.g. religion,
feminism, politics), and entries on other relevant or influential
works of popular culture such as the Carry On farces, Hollywood
comedies, and the novels of Neil Gaiman, Fritz Leiber, Robert
Sheckley and Douglas Adams, to name but a few. There are also a fair
number of illustrations and even photographs of Discworld fans at
play -- the one of the self-titled Silver Horde is remarkably, um,
authentic -- and there's a selected bibliography.

However, any home-grown reference work -- where "home-grown" means
"lacking the vast fact-checking infrastructure of, say, the
Encyclopaedia Britannica" -- will have its flaws, and the Unofficial
Companion is no exception. Just to give an example: the entry on
Susan Sto Helit describes her as having a white streak in her hair
(and references Elsa Lanchester's Bride of Frankenstein film
character), and also claims, "In theory she is now the Duchess of
Sto Helit, but this has not been mentioned." Um, that would be a no.
Susan -- as we all know -- has a *black* streak in her otherwise
white hair (the Bride in reverse, as it were), and has indeed been
identified as hereditary nobility, e.g. on page 9 of the Gollancz
hardcover of Hogfather:"The only tricky bit had been when her
employer found out that she was a duchess, because...the upper crust
wasn't supposed to work." My relentless proofreader's eye unearthed
other banjaxes, but Susan is a major character in the Discworld
series and thus deserves the highest standard of information-
checking. It's to be hoped that glitches such as these will have
been caught and corrected by the time the Unofficial Companion goes
to press.

My only other nit-pick is that, as with the Discworld Companion, the
Unofficial Companion lacks an index of entries. Note to the
Assembled Pterry Reference Works Brigade: some of us would like to
be able to check in the back to see if there's an entry for, say,
commemorative Quirm cabbage stamps before launching into a search
through every letter that might have something relating to such an
item!

Large (over 450 pages), sweeping in scope (Lu-Tze would be proud)
and reasonably priced (trust me on this), An Unofficial Companion to
the Novels of Terry Pratchett belongs on the bookshelf of any true
Pratchett aficionado, and will be available for purchase early in
the new year.

--

The Unofficial Companion to the Novels of Terry Pratchett
Compiled and edited by Andrew M. Butler
Greenwood World Publishing, 2008
Available for pre-order on Amazon

--

Also, an interview with tUCttNoTP contributor Stacie Hanes can be
found at:
http://www.revish.com/interviews/staciehanes/

Ms Hanes, although neither apelike nor orange, is a contributor to
the Great Discworld Library -- aka http://lspace.org -- and a noted
Discworld scholar.


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - NOVEMBER 2007 -- PART 3 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 3 - LU-TZE ... AND WEIRD ALICE

13) LU-TZE'S YEARBOOK OF ENLIGHTENMENT: REVIEW
14) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

13) GENTLEMEN, START YOUR BROOMS

Lu-Tze's Yearbook of Enlightenment 2008
Reviewed by Annie Mac

Lu-Tze's Yearbook of Enlightenment is a very small and very
enlightened book. Well, diary. Well, combined diary, display of Paul
Kidby's fabulous History Monks-related artwork, and the collected
non-Eastern wisdom of Mrs Marietta Cosmopilite of Quirm Street,
Ankh-Morpork.

This is a very useful book. Not only does it tell you what day of
the week it is and when the local Days of the Gods and holidays of
the polis fall in 2008, it also gives you vital information about
the Way of Mrs Cosmopilite and how to practise it. And in its pages
you will also find articles about the History Monks of Oi Dong
Monastery, the Balancing Monks, the Listening Monks, the Monks of
Cool, the legendary Sweeper himself, the Disc-famous Floral Clock of
Quirm, the Way of Lobsang Dibbler, and the true lowdown on Mrs
Golightly, the Ruler of Darkness.

I particularly love the Discworld art of Paul Kidby, and I have to
say that his renderings of Lu-Tze and his fellow monks are
breathtaking. Be sure to turn to the merry month of May -- there
you'll find a unique portrait of Marco Soto. *And* his Hair. It's a
wonder both of them managed to fit on the page.

Not exactly cheap but well and truly worth its not-exactly-cheap
price, Lu-Tze's Yearbook of Enlightenment 2008 is a must-have. No,
you can't have mine! Just follow the orange-robed monks to your
nearest bookshop. As Mrs Cosmopilite says, "How do you know you
don't like it if you haven't tasted it?"

--

Lu-Tze's Yearbook of Enlightenment 2008
by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs
Illustrations by Paul Kidby
ISBN 978 0 575 07724 9

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

14) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

Post 8. AURIENTEERING FOR FUN AND PROFIT

First Clog: "All aboard the Aurient Express..."

So. Bes Pelargic. Who'd have thought it? Well, B.S. Johnson,
presumably, when he designed Empirical Crescent...though it's never
been very clear whether or not Johnson actually knew what the
results of his various efforts at design would be. Still, as a mode
of travel, multidimensional folded-space topology beats flying
carpets and sprung coaches and camels hands down.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we had a surprise waiting for us
when we arrived. Two surprises: the first was our unceremonious
arrival in the outer kitchens of a very busy restaurant. A very
busy, very delicious-smelling restaurant. Where there were
unattended golden platters piled high with all manner of exotic
delicacies. Oh, yes. As we hadn't eaten at this point for many hours
and several continents, the first thing we did was grab the nearest
platter and bolt for the nearest broom cupboard where we bolted
first the door and then the  food in short order. Strange food, but
delicious, and only vaguely resembling the Agatean food in takeaways
on the Plains and Circle Sea nations. There were dumplings in sweet
sauce, odd slimy things that tasted of the sea, rice with curious
black beans, weirdly wonderful vegetables, and..."Thif tashtes like
Difhtreffhed Pudding," Cert said through a mouthful of something
wobbly in little ornamental dishes, and offered me a spoonful. And
he was right! -- except it tasted like what Distressed Pudding might
dream of becoming if it's been a very *good* and well-behaved
pudding. We were puzzled, and once we'd eaten our fill we decided to
explore quietly. The first thing we encountered was also strange --
a rack of very mixed clothing hanging on hooks on the wall -- silk
kimonos side by side with old-fashioned Morporkian tunics, doublets
and hose, and something that looked suspiciously like an A-M Watch
uniform!

"Are we in a restaurant or is it someone's fancy dress party?" I
mused aloud.

Cert waved a large book of lacquered cardboard, covered in Agatean
pictograms. "Both, it looks like. Says here WELCOME TO BARBARIAN
LUCK INTERNATIONAL RESTAURANT, 221B POLITE REVOLUTION WAY, BES
PELARGIC, FRAGRANT DINING PLEASURABLY 8 DAYS WEEK NOBLE
INTERNATIONAL CUISINES."

"You read Agatean?"

"I have a fish in my ear. But look, it's written below that in
common Morporkian."

"Definitely weird. It's the first time I've ever heard Distressed
Pudding described as noble cuisine."

The second surprise was the proprietor: none other than the Disc-
famous Twoflower himself! First and greatest of tourists and later
Venerable Father of the Revolution, Twoflower opened the Morpork
Luck Teahouse during the reign of Cohen I, the Sandalled Emperor,
and has been doing land-office business ever since. This explained
some of the more...unexpected items on the menu, such as Sticky Rice
Slumpie and Sweet and Sour Knuckle Sandwich, as well as the
unexpected clothing, which is worn by staff in the main restaurant.
As soon as we introduced ourselves and told him how we'd got there,
he led us to a private dining room and laid on oceans of tea and
mountains of desserts...also introduced us to his daughters (Pretty
Butterfly, who's the general manager, and Lotus Blossom, who's at
school but works part-time in the restaurant)...and after more
conversation, booked me for a gig and informed us he was going to
take some time off to show us around Bes Pelargic. We've definitely
landed on our feet...

***

Spent the night in lodgings. Not as posh as the Great Pyramid Hotel,
but clean and tidy. Very Auriental.

***

Next day: taken on a tour of Bes Pelargic. Bes P is  a medium-sized
city and shares that same "feel" of port cities everywhere -- a
little bit rough, a little bit cultured, but mainly a place where
people pass through, mostly coming to trade and rarely staying for
long. There are a few settlements of foreigners, though. There's a
Genuan community (apparently their Fat Tuesday parade features extra
added dragons and Barking Dogs), a Hublandish community, a community
of Ankh- Morpork ex-pats, a Little Klatch, and even a small Dwarf
community (drawn, no doubt, by the smell of all the gold), and
everyone seems to get along rather well. In fact, the current High
Official (that's the local version of a Lord Mayor), So Ho Sixpot,
has a distinctly Klatchian cast in his ancestry. Everyone seems to
know Twoflower, so we were treated as honoured guests. I was told
that's a far cry from the old days of the Empire, where even in Bes
P foreigners were treated with distaste and often arrested and
expelled on suspicion of being foreign. We were taken to restaurants
and tea-houses and temples and then shown the Red Triangle District,
and the Shu District which is where the docks are. There were ships
from as far away as Howondaland there, and even a few NoThingfjord
longboats in from the Long Route via Slakki and Ting Ling (we stayed
away from that area, in case someone recognised us).

***

Day after: we were taken to Bes Eisley. Oh, my.

Bes Eisley, also known as the District of Unmended Shoji, is
definitely the downmarket area of Bes P. It's down at the far end of
Shu and it's where the most disreputable of the foreigners hang out,
along with the local criminal element (always wondered which element
is the criminal one. some isotope of narrativium, maybe?). I'd like
to be able to say I've never seen a more wretched hive of scum and
villainy, but a) I've been to the Shades and b) there was plenty of
scum and villainy, but surprisingly little wretchedness. Especially
at Threepenny's House of Tea and Poppy Products, where all the
customers looked astonishingly happy. And the band -- Sammy Shen and
his Sizzling Shamisens -- was brilliant! Sammy's something of a
local Personality and an old friend of Twoflower's. He got Mayor So
up to play the chi shells, which sound rather like Lancrastian
spoons. The Mayor wasn't very good at playing the shells, but no-one
in the audience seemed to mind,even though he kept dropping and
breaking his *instruments*...not that that's a problem, as Sammy
Shen also sells chi shells by the Shu shore and has a plentiful
supply. I was asked up for a few songs. I already had a lot of sake
in me, and by the time I finished I had a lot more sake in me
because nearly everyone in the place bought me a drink...

Sake is even better than beer, once you get enough down you to get
past the taste (like rice that came to a bad end after
leading a disreputable life). Sake is also even better than beer for
getting wandering bards into sticky situations. Like the one I found
myself in with Ten Blue Ox, Sammy Shen's koto player. I mean, we
would have got along well anyway -- he has some fine riffs -- but
sake has a way of lowering inhibitions to somewhere below ground
level, or at least below waist level. And making a person make eyes
at another person. And making a person smoke something funny-tasting
from Threepenny's private stock. And getting back onstage to do some
more requests and taking part in a cross-cultural jam session.

The last thing I remembered clearly that night was kneeling in front
of Ox and playing his koto with my teeth. The next thing I
remembered was waking up next to a very happily sleeping Ox in a
room that definitely wasn't mine, with a hangover and a limp...

Cert didn't speak to me for two days. Not until I introduced him to
Breaking Dawn, a friend of the band's who's deeply into
technomancers. When in Bes P, do as the Bes Pelargians, that's my
motto. All's serene now. Plenty of sake. We still haven't dared try
the Sweet and Sour Knuckle Sandwich, but I've written an advertising
jungle for the Morpork Luck International Restaurant; the name is
too long to use repeatedly, but it has a catchy chorus: "You can
get anything you want at Twoflower's restaurant..."

***

Day something: we've met many interesting people with many
interesting names. It seems there are regional naming conventions in
different parts of Agatea; some families use single names and
diminutives (usually numbers), some are named for their connection
to the five Noble Clans (Fang, Tang, Hong, Sung and McSweeney), some
have three-part names (usually consisting of a number, a colour or
state of being, and an object), and some have names that are just
plain weird. There's Three Blin'd Mice, the greengrocer; Five Spilt
Sake, the barman; Lo Hung Wan and Lo Hung Fang, local nobs;
Fourplates, the dentist; Zero Rabbit, who runs the apothecary shop;
One Stone Dragon, who plays bass shamisen in Sammy's band and should
really be called One Stoned Dragon...it's hard to remember them all!
Girls and women usually have two names, like Beautiful Poppy and
Fecund Doe. Sammy's real name is Shen Sing Ho. And they all think
*our* names are strange!

There's so much history here! Everywhere! I've taken many, many
iconographs and written loads of notes. I think I might end up
writing that travel book after all...

Time to sleep. Here endeth this post.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3, continued on Part 4 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - NOVEMBER 2007 -- PART 4 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 4 - MORE ALICE

15) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

15) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC, continued

Second Clog: "Wednesday on my mind..."

It turns out that the McSweeneys aren't the only old and noble
family with an unusual name by Agatean standards: there are also the
Wednesdays.

Back in the days of long-lost Ago when the ancient warlord Toijota
ruled the Pelargic coast, a shipwrecked Morporkian sailor was
rescued by Toijota's troops and rose to the highest rank in the
warlord's service. This sailor's name was Adam Wednesday. He proved
to be a valuable resource, not least because he brought actual news
of the World Beyond the Walls and actual useful advice about sea-
trading and Morporkian military history (read: "fighting dirty,
without a crippling load of traditional rules"), and was given the
sobriquet of Jinjin-san, which is Agatean for "foreign barbarian
sailor who's done bloody well for himself". Wednesday served in the
forecourt of Toijota, never again leaving Agatea to return to Ankh-
Morpork; he became immensely rich, took a number of wives and
concubines, and died old and happy within sight of the beached
remains of his original ship. It's to Wednesday that Bes Pelargic
owes its centuries-long history of being the only somewhat open port
in the Agatean Empire, and its centuries-long willingness to
entertain barbarian ways has subtly changed the local culture. If
you wander around the Bes Peninsula, you can still find people with
the surnames Wednesday and Jinjin; the original Mr Wednesday
obviously had a *lot* of wives and concubines.

We've had a stroke of luck -- we arrived in time for the Samizdat
Festival. It's a yearly event peculiar to Bes P and only a few other
locations, and it's where those who served in, or served, or say
they served, or were standing nearby looking innocent during, the
Glorious Revolution gather to remember the Days of Struggle. I'd say
you can't move for parades of peasants in pyjamas, but it seems
that's just the normal state of Agatean cities; however, parades of
peasants in pyjamas don't usually march along shouting things like
"Gradual Orderly Transfer of Power to the People!" and "Shun the
Evil Imperialists Whilst Using Polite Mannerliness!" It's very
enthusiastic and above all, very loud. Twoflower and his family
always march at the head of the parade, and afterwards there are
ceremonial Campfires of Remembrance where the festivalgoers huddle
around eating stale rice and meagre portions of rotten fish and
reminisce about the hardships they endured before the coming of the
true Red Army. For the record, the rice and fish are deliberately
served that way as a reminder; believe me, the real cuisine is to
die for (and not because of poisons).

During the campfire ceremony I was able to learn more about what
happened in the years between Cohen's accession and the present day.
Twoflower confirms that he did indeed serve as Cohen's Grand Vizier,
and that they did make some sweeping legal and cultural changes
together, but the old ways started creeping back as fast as changes
were made and he didn't feel comfortable -- Twoflower, not Cohen,
Cohen could feel comfortable anywhere he could hang his sword
(preferably from the upper chest region of unrepentant court
bureaucrats and nobles) -- with the constant tensions of court life.
So when Cohen left, he resigned and came straight back home to open
the restaurant. He says that there *are* changes being made deep in
the Agatean culture, but that he hasn't got the necessary thousand
or so years to spend hanging around waiting for them to blossom.
Agatea is definitely a foreign country -- back around the Circle
Sea, changes to culture take place as fast as the Clacks can carry
them!

Speaking of the Clacks, they still don't have much in the way of
towers here. But that will soon change: someone's had the bright
idea to put towers on ships plying the Quirm coast-Bes Pelargic
trade route! Transmission depends on the weather at sea, but on a
clear, calm day or night the messages fly back and forth much faster
than any ship can sail. It's only a matter of time before strings of
towers go up all across the mainland...

***

We're going to Hunghung! With a native guide! V. excited. Always
wanted to see the Forbidden City, and now it's...less forbidden.

***

We packed our belongings -- so many belongings now, between all the
gifts and all the shopping in Shu and all the scrolls ("...if you
can just take this to First Sister's third cousin in Hunghung...")
and ornamental sake bottles -- and headed out at sunrise. Everyone
turned up to give us a rousing send-off. Even Sammy's band. It was
rather sweet to hear Brindisian Rhapsody played on Agatean
instruments. Also, Ox gave me a beautiful koto to remember him by. I
can think of rather more robust reasons to remember him by,
but...also, Breaking Dawn will be giving Cert something to remember
*her* by in about eight months' time, or so we're told. Ah well,
that solves my problems nicely, and he did say he wanted to work in
the Agatean technomancy industry...but for now, we're back to
friendly relations. Nurr, nurr, nurr.

Agatea, for all its gold, is a simple and old-fashioned country with
old-fashioned simple poverty. We passed through endless rice paddies
and endless tiny villages that probably looked the same in the days
of One Sun Mirror. But Red -- our guide, Seven Red Rice -- says
there's a very important difference: most of the peasants in the
fields no longer kowtow to mounted travellers. They also no longer
need special papers to travel from village to village, but Red says
most of them still stay put because old habits die hard. That's
progress for you.

***

Pork ear stew is...interesting.

***

After a while, pork ear stew is...less interesting.

***

Duck!

***

After a while, duck tastes like pork ear stew...

***

Today we were passed by an entire flock of carrier pigeons. Very
orderly country, Agatea: they were flying in formation.

***

Red pointed out the Dragon Mountains, off in the distance. He says
that legend has it they're the exposed scales of the Earth Dragon,
and that the position of cities relative to parts of the dragon are
vitally important according to the dictates of Sheng Fooey. Most
Agatean traditionalists, which is to say most Agateans, believe that
Ankh-Morpork is built on top of the Earth Dragon's...well, never
mind. Use your imagination.

***

Nearly at the gates of Hunghung now. Time to sleep. Here endeth this
post.

***

Third Clog: "Down but not out in the Heavenly City"

Right. Far, far too much to write about and no way to send it, so
I'm dictating the short version in song to Gimpy and getting it
carriered back to Twoflower's. He promised to post it on the next
Clacks fleet...

ONE NIGHT IN HUNGHUNG

Hunghung...Auriental setting
It's a city of gold full of bureaucrats fretting
The cream of the nobles in their cute silk beanies
Hyping every clan but McSweeney's

Great Wall...doesn't seem a minute
Since the famous Silver Horde stuck their broadswords in it
Small change - don't you know a rhinu
Buys a whole city? Well, that's something more than I knew!
Buys Sto Lat...or Pseudopolis...or Morpork...
Or...or someplace!

One night in Hunghung and the world's your lobster
Those golden temples are a sight to see
You'll find a god in every dry ancestor
And if you're lucky then the squishi's free
I can feel a ninja sneaking up on me

One coin's...very like another
When your head's down counting your rhinu, brother
Etiquette is a chore, it's very 'san' and 'sama'
Though I'm getting to adore those peasants in pyjamas

Gilded and clean -
I've seen forbidden, enchanted, charming towns

Cha, buns, sweet and sour
Caffs as posh as the Emperor's bower
- that's Cohen! You're talking 'bout a hero
Whose 'civilised' index stands at zero
- he got his kicks above the snowline, last time!

One night in Hunghung makes your dwarf bread crumble
No other empire has such history
One night in Hunghung knocks you down like scumble
With pretty geisha girls for company
I can see an army made of pottery

I am...gonna see the army
It's the ultimate sight in a land this barmy
It stuns me more than blowfish
Unlike tsimo wrestling - that's too oafish
Thank the Gods I'm only watching the Noh, not part of it!

See old men play like lightning
Their game's more slick than kung fu fighting
I watch them play, and grind my molars -
Shibo Yangcong-san's for real high rollers!
So you better just stick with your tea, your haikus
Your squishi vendors...

One night in Hunghung and the world's your lobster
Those silken eunuchs are a sight to see
You'll find a god in every dry ancestor
And from Dibhala's tray, some rancid tea
I can feel a ninja sneaking up on me

One night in Hunghung makes your stomach rumble
To munch exotic snacks with jasmine tea
And when their language makes me gasp and mumble
I'll keep Twoflower close for company
I can feel the vampire ghosts right next to me!

***

Fourth Clog: "Eek!"

One night in Hunghung is everything the song says, but four weeks in
Hunghung is a bit too much for some. Which is to say, for me. It's
so big! And so crowded! And so far from home! This is the first time
I've actually felt homesick since I began my journey. Not that I
want to go home yet, but there are so many more places to see and
only so many sweet and sour dumplings a body can eat, and only so
many frustrated bureaucrats a body can stand to be around, and not
enough gigs to make the evenings interesting (although the Imperial
State Gymnastic Orchestra was worth the journey all on its own). So
I gathered up my ever-increasing pile of acquired stuff, gave it to
Red to take back to Bes P for shipping back to Lost Wages, and went
looking for Cert.

I found him in the Hall of Curiosities in the Winter Palace, deep in
conversation with a wizardy sort who must have been at least 150.
Cert introduced him as Four Dread Teeth (and they are), a Doctor of
Thaumology and one of the few old-school Agateans to have studied at
Unseen University. Doctor Teeth was quite friendly, though his
Morporkian is a bit rusty -- foreign languages officially did not
exist in the days of the old Empire, especially in Hunghung. He and
Cert have been updating each other (though in the case of Teeth, I
suppose it's backdating) about developments in technomancy. They
were babbling excitedly about something called Kwan T'um, which
according to Doctor Teeth was discovered by his people 3,000 years
ago but never explored on the grounds of its being inadvisable
magic. It looks as though Cert will definitely have a job waiting
for him after he gets his degree. Always good news for someone
contemplating child support...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 4, continued on Part 5 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - NOVEMBER 2007 -- PART 5 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 5 - WEIRD ALICE, AND HOROSCOPE

16) WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED
17) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, MAR > SEP

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

16) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC, continued

We decided to head for Bhangbhangduc by way of Sum Dim, going
Rimwards after that through the Tang Pass in the Big Dragon
Mountains (same dragon, apparently). Sum Dim was both a relief and a
disappointment after the mad bustle of Hunghung; it's the most
isolated major city in the Empire, so in other words old-fashioned
in the least pleasant ways. Nothing but paddies, pyjamaed peasants,
and...well, nothing else, really. The Sum Dim cuisine is different,
though. Very, very spicy and based mostly on clay-pot cooking, with
a gooey gluey bubbliness that reminds me of the Ankh. Not Ankh-
Morpork, just the Ankh. Occasionally things bubble up to the surface
of the pot, and I swear I saw far too many legs on some of them.
Cert and I managed to learn a fair bit of conversational Agatean
over the weeks, but out here we might as well not have bothered
because the Sum dialect is almost a different language. Luckily,
they do feed musicians -- but if I hadn't had my lute and my new
koto with me, things would've got awfully hungry. We only stayed for
two nights, then hit the road with hope in our hearts. I think we
should have tried to hire a guide...

***

Lost the road in the dark last night. Nothing but plains and
foothills. At least foothills means mountains soon, and mountains
mean mountain pass, right?

It's getting very cold at night. Almost feel nostalgic for those
flying carpets.

***

The landscape is getting...strange. Cert got a vintage thaumometer
as a gift from Doctor Teeth. I don't know much about magickal
devices, but I'm sure it shouldn't be glowing octarine *all* the
time.

***

Landscape even stranger. Still nothing but foothills. We seem to
have wandered into old Mage Wars ground. Thaumometer exploded this
morning. At least I think it was morning. Um.

***

Dictating shrtmth definitly Magewars wyrd trees feelin fnny gtting
hrdr to spe-


-- Alc

---

Note for Roundworlders: the original lyrics for One Night in
Bangkok can be found at
http://www.metrolyrics.com/one-night-in-bangkok-lyrics-murray
-head.html

or http://tinyurl.com/2pnjg4

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

17) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

THE STARS ARE ALIVE...

...with the sound of music! Sweet, sweet music. Do you like... soul
music? Well, here are the answers to all your questions about "Which
musical instruments are the best choices to play for people born
under my Sign?" With the aid of astrology, you'll soon be making
joyful noises with nimble fingers, mobile mouths, tantalisingly
tripping tongues, and even greased elbows and fortunately
fortitudinous feet. Whether your passion is for polite chamber
music, wildly cultural folkfests, emotionally deranged full-tilt
orchestral mayhem, or even Music with Rocks In, knowing *your*
predestined instrument will set you well on the path to harmonious
vicissitudinal virtuosity. Let the stars make you a star!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

Your musical instruments: organ, piano, harpsichord

Hoggers are typically bombastic, and nothing says bombast quite like
the wheezing, groaning, majestic thunder of a pipe organ in full
throttle. Especially if it's that king of keyboard instruments, the
Mighty Hurlitzer! Originally designed by B.S. Johnson for the
infamous Uberwaldean ivory-thumper Herr Doktor Antonius "the
Indomitable" Vybes, the Mighty Hurlitzer can achieve tones that turn
bones to water, tones that can only be heard by small woodland
animals, and the sort of volume usually associated with avalanches
and newborn volcanoes. You'll be the life -- and possibly death --
of every party, and people certainly won't laugh when you sit down
at the keyboard!

Those of you with gentler temperaments might prefer the piano
(easier to move, requires less steam), the harpsichord (dramatic but
reasonably quiet), the harmonium (result of a terrible accident
involving a piano-accordion, a treadmill and a bicycle pump, and
simultaneously providing music and good healthy exercise), or the
virginal, which often isn't.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

Your musical instruments: harp, dulcimer

Gahoolie rules the corpus callosum, sacrum and stiff upper lip, and
you'll find all of these are vital for a good harpist, because harp
playing requires superb full-brain coordination, perfect posture,
and above all, the ability to never crack a smile. The harp is a
stately instrument, twice the height of the average Dwarf (but much
lighter than a Hogger's pipe organ); its silken strings have been
known to soothe the troubled brows of kings, herald the marriages of
important personages, and even, at least in the case of the
legendary battle harp of Owen Mwnyy, play themselves in times of
danger...although playing with yourself is not always the best
course of action in times of danger.

The dulcimer is another ancient instrument, more portable than the
harp and with far fewer strings, requiring the messy death of far
fewer cats. There are several varieties: the Lancrastian dulcimer,
related to the zither and easily adapted to folk music; the hammer
dulcimer, an oblong-or-eldritch box of strings that are hammered or
beaten (rather like playing the piano with mallets); and the
NoThingfjord langeleik, a droning dulcimer that makes possibly the
most depressing sounds ever heard, but that's appropriate for the
frozen wastes of NoThingfjord. Less musically-gifted Gahooligans may
prefer the Tsortean monochordon. You can't go too far wrong with
only one string!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

Your musical instruments: flute, tin whistle, ocarina

Flutes have been played ever since our ancestors discovered how to
make holes in mammoth bones after the mammoths were done using them,
and the flute - or Pan pipe - is traditionally associated with both
Herne the Hunted himself and astrological Hernians. In modern times,
posh flutes are made of brass, silver or even gold, but over the
millennienniennia flutes have been made from such diverse materials
as wood, tin, bamboo, bears, sapient pearwood, and even the
shinbones of that annoying chap in the next-door cave. They can be
played by blowing into one end, or by blowing across the side; they
can even be blown through the nose. No, seriously, although it's
recommended that one never, ever make a nose flute from sapient
pearwood. You just don't want to think about what might go wrong.

The ocarina, a charming ethnic instrument from the Tezuman Empire,
is a gourd-shaped clay object with a hole for blowing into and
several other holes for tuning. The stone ocarina was originally
used to accompany ritual sacrifices to Quetzovercoatl, but since
Tezuman religion entered its blood-free phase, wandering bands of
Tezumen cross the Disc to busk at markets, hangings and other
colourful public gatherings and are famed for their tuneful peeping
and failure to disembowel any members of the audience whatsoever. A
related instrument, the Howondaland double-chambered flutarina, is
made of wood. The best-known ocarina composer, Sir Oliphant
Buckerchutty, even wrote a concerto for ocarina, eunuchs, garden
gloves and rubber trout, and his ghost is said to haunt the further
reaches of Short Street, piping mournfully on windy nights.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

Your musical instruments: harmonica, guitar

The Wizard's Staff and Knob rules the mouth, tongue and index
finger, so what better instrument for you Staffies than one that
requires fine oral dexterity? This is a relatively modern
instrument, first created by Borogravian clockmaker Martin Hooter in
the early Century of the Fruitbat, but its haunting tones soon
spread across the Plains States and were brought to popularity by
the coming of Music with Rocks In. It's an easy instrument to play,
because listeners have difficulty telling whether or not it's in
tune with the band. B.S. Johnson famously tried his hand at
designing a chromatic harmonica; it now serves as a foghorn to warn
ships straying too close to the Holy Wood coast.

Ah, the guitar. Descended from the noble harp via the wrong side of
the sheets, this complex and daunting instrument with its rich range
of chords and melody lines has spurred the rise of the one-being
band! More portable than a harp, lighter than a piano, strung with
finest Agatean silk and strongest Ankh-Morpork steel, this is an
instrument fit for a virtuoso...sadly, its fate is more often to be
attacked by an amateur, frequently the sort of amateur who wears
strange baggy clothing, can't see the strings for all his hair, and
fancies himself a bard. Still, it's a great way to pull the ladies.
On no account EVER play Pathway to Paradise, unless you want your
musical career to be short, nasty and full of angry trolls.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers   23 Jul - 23 Aug

Your musical instruments: lute, balalaika

It is my unhappy lot to inform you unhappy lot that there is no
musical instrument that can be made from grapes. But as the lute is
traditionally paired with wine, women and song, or at least wine,
song and hangovers, it's the best instrument for Bilians who wish to
lament their sorry state of oenophilic servitude. The lute, with its
fine Bardic history, is beloved by bards everywhere (even our own
Weird Alice) and even more beloved by romantic suitors all across
the multiverse; it typically has several sets of double strings and
is made entirely of wood -- although the Omnian Odd, a related
instrument, was historically made from the shell of a desert
tortoise. Lutes are also the favoured instruments of the Monks of
Cool, because one doesn't have to be any good at playing it -- just
lounging louchely with a lute confers instant coolth on most
lutists. The best lutes on the Disc are those made by Lex Luthier,
who even produces a special Bilian model, the only lute to feature
its own sick-bag.

Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out! The balalaika, famous
local-colour instrument of the Hubland steppes, has only three
strings and can certainly ring! The Horse People use them to play
their fearsome war-songs on the hoof; the Borogravian State
Orchestra considers the balalaika one of the few noisemaking devices
*not* abominated by Nuggan; and the composers Boris Furtivov and
Pavel Notsopinko collaborated on a balalaika concerto that is played
to this day wherever people in gloomy trousers long for the freezing
steppes...on cold nights in Ankh-Morpork, the plaintive yet stirring
sounds of allcomers' balalaika competitions ring out across the city
from the Hublandish ghetto up by Dolly Sisters. A perfect hangover
instrument!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

Your musical instruments: drums, spoons, kitchen percussion

The Sign of Mubbo rules the sword -- or plough -- hand of Mubboons
and is the Sign of barbarian heroes, actors and Fools, so drumming
is the surest way for you to get rid of all that astro-illogically
pent-up aggression. Everyone knows a drummer is the life and soul of
parties. Also, no-one will ever know when you're out of tune, and as
few people can keep accurate time with their hands and feet, they'll
all be dancing to whatever rhythm you set for them. What's more, you
can practise your drumming anywhere, with or without drums - on
cushions, on wet sheets hanging on washing lines, on the cat, even
on nothing at all (see Buddy Poor's bestselling book Confessions of
an Air Drummer). Every country and every culture has its own native
drums, from the round, flat Llamedosian hound-skin drum (the
bowwowran) to the minuscule Oi Dong temple drum (played with one
hand, of course) to the majestic .99 Zlobenian martial kettledrum
(which can achieve true subsonics and is also useful as an
alternative to explosives in quarrying).

Spoons make an excellent alternative to drums: for a start, you can
find them in every kitchen, so no purchase is necessary. Also,
playing the spoons qualifies as an automatic prayer to Anoia, so
you'll never have to worry about sticking drawers again! Formal
spoon-playing originated in the upper reaches of Lancre, where bored
shepherds would rhythmically click pairs of sheep's rib-bones
together around the evening campfire (not, obviously, whilst
attached to living sheep); this is why spoon-playing is referred to
as "playing the bones". In fact, any kitchen can be a veritable
arsenal of makeshift percussion. Serious kitchen percussionists will
want to investigate the purchase of Bad Blintz bottled medicinal
spring water, as the bottles have a particularly euphonic tone.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 5, continued on Part 6 of 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - NOVEMBER 2007 -- PART 6 OF 6 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 6 - HOROSCOPE, AND CLOSE

18) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED
19) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

18) YOUR DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED SEP > MAR

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

Your musical instruments: xylophone, didgeridoo, susurrophone

As ever, Boring'uns are drawn to musical instruments that are
simple, unobtrusive, or, well, boring: nothing with too many strings
or too many holes or capable of producing too many exciting tones,
nothing too loud, and above all, nothing too prone to inciting
violence. To this end, the xylophone might as well have been
invented expressly for Boring'uns. It's made of unthreatening woods,
played by being struck (gently, for you lot) with rubber mallets,
and prone to stay in the same place once it's assembled; it also
serves as a useful table once you've decided that more than two
differently-tuned bars is entirely too much like excitement.

The Fourecksian didgeridoo, on the other hand, can only play one
note. One low, deep, soothing -- some might even say boring -- note.
And it's played by the method known as circular breathing -- in
through the nose, out through the mouth -- which promotes a calm,
relaxed, meditative state. And It has no keys, bars, strings,
slides or anything at all apart from a hollow tree branch and some
beeswax smeared around the mouthpiece. Perfect!

The susurrophone does have keys and a double reed, but is unique
among woodwinds in that it only produces a whisper no matter how
hard you blow. The twelve-gauge contrabass susurrophone is the best
of all instruments for the shy, excitement-hating would-be virtuous,
as it whispers in such a low register that you might as well not be
playing at all! Very relaxing.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

Your musical instruments: trumpet, triangle

Andies are infamous for often playing the strumpet, but tuneful
Andies will find that removing the initial S will lead them to an
exciting musical hobby! Just hie yourself to the nearest blacksmith
with some brass tubing and he'll bend and hammer it into a truly
distinctive instrument. The trumpet is not the easiest brass
instrument to play -- because it tends to produce 'wolf tones',
especially bright, loud notes that agitate any nearby werewolves and
can even bring on The Change at inconvenient times -- but trumpet
music is wonderfully rousing, notably for neighbours you don't much
like. Trumpets, which were developed from the mediaeval wooden Shawn
(not Ogg), come in a variety of keys and sizes and can play every
note in the standard Morporkian scale (and a few that no composer
ever anticipated). For the more adventurous -- and Andies are
nothing if not adventurous! -- try the related Fluebelhorn, pride of
Uberwald orchestras and winner of both the Longest Note and Loudest
Note categories at the Copperhead Consolidated Mining Band Brass
Competition for three years running.

Another good instrument for Andies is the triangle (your local
blacksmith is going to love you). The triangle is said to be the
instrument of angels, and known to be one of the instruments used by
those committing folk music; nonetheless, the triangle can be
surprisingly challenging to play. Orchestral composers often write
rhythmically complex triangle parts -- possibly as a means of
getting back at the triangle players, who get the same pay as
everyone else but get to spend most of their time dozing at the back
or doing the Times crossword. Some players use knitting needles for
a gentler tone. This means you can make sweet music *and* knit your
socks for next winter, at the same time.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

Your musical instruments: Quirmish horn, tuba

Cor! In fact, Cor blimey! The Quirmish horn, historically known as
the Cor Ankhaise and -- interestingly -- neither Quirmish nor a
horn, is just the thing to tootlingly thrill you winsomely woodwindy
Footies. A long, sleek instrument, related to the Brindisian Oboe
D'amore (a favourite of those of the Casanundan persuasion), the
Quirmish horn will fill your days with melancholy melodies.
Ambitious players might attempt the north face of Tuttifrutti's
famed Rhapsodie for Cor and Catgut, or scale the heights of
Horsehack's Lost World Symphony. The Cor's double reed develops good
kissing technique (see Oboe D'amore), and its length, heft and
general hardness are good for speedily resolving orchestral
disputes.

The tuba, stately basso of the brass instruments, is played by a
movement more usually known as "blowing a raspberry". This means
that you can perform rich, warm passages and secretly display your
contempt for the rest of the orchestra at the same time. Many famous
Uberwaldean and Zlobenian composers favoured the tuba -- consider
the famous tuba passages in the Ring of the Nibelungungungen -- and
it is also a featured instrument in many Dwarf operas: perhaps the
most famous piece known to non-dwarf music aficionados is the Gold
March of Bloodaxe, popularly known as the Haul of the Mountain King.
In a world of warbling sopranos and screeching piccolos, the tuba
will *always* let you down.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

Your musical instruments: banjo, sukinoto

The banjo is famed throughout the Ramtops and across the Octarine
Grass Country as the queen of folk instruments, although some say
more honestly that a truer description would be the Seamstress of
folk instruments...or at least the brazen hussy. Originally invented
in Howondaland, where it was traditionally crafted out of gourds or
the skulls of Omnian missionaries, the banjo was updated early in
the Century of the Fruitbat by an unnamed Dwarf craftsman who saw a
use for some low-grade ore tailings and smelted them down to make
the familiar modern metal frame. It is played by plucking (with
metal fingerpicks), strumming (with very tough fingernails), clawing
(very popular with werewolf banjoists), or in the case of more
lively gatherings, throwing against a wall and using the resultant
twanging clang as a start-point for the Hedgehog Song. Those of a
less brazen disposition might consider the Hunghung shamisen,
because it has fewer strings and weighs less, although it's not
nearly as useful in a pub fight.

The sukinoto (literally "wet garden ornament") is an Agatean musical
device. Consisting of an buried upside-down pot with a hole at the
top and a small pool of water inside, the sukinoto is placed beside
an outdoor handwashing bowl; water dripping into the pot, creates a
pleasant bell-like sound. Each part of the instrument-or-device must
be tuned separately, and each part of the assembly requires much
poetry. It is said that certain jars are born to become sukinoto,
owing to their natural bell-like tones. Entire sets of scrolls have
been written about the best placement of the washbasin and the
correct length of time for washing the hands beside a sukinoto, and
sukinosamas -- "musical handwash-masters" -- are accorded the same
sort of respect as senior samurai and venerable swordmakers. Which
is fairly extraordinary when you consider that what they're playing
is, after all, a drainage system!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

Your musical instruments: squeezebox, clarinet

The Gazunda rules the lips, abdominal muscles and pectorals, so the
squeezebox, otherwise known as the accordion (or, in some quarters,
the discordion), is by far the best choice of instrument for you
Gazundians. Indispensable for Morris dancers, harvest-ball bands and
Bonk polkestras, the squeezebox comes in two flavours -- button and
key -- utilises a membranous bellows made from leather, paper, or
leftover insides of sheep, and is the only type of instrument used
by strolling players to imitate the death-gasps of murdered
characters on stage. Most major churches deplore the squeezebox,
believing its jaunty nature lures young people into sin, but the
Unreformed Church of Petulia, Goddess of Negotiable Affection,
blesses it precisely for this reason. So give in to the lure of the
squeezebox and go insane with the membrane!

The clarinet (Brindisian for "undersized trumpet") is favoured by
snake charmers, pocket orchestras, ratcatchers, and music halls all
across the Disc. A mellow-sounding woodwind that travels well and is
easy to assemble, the clarinet has a wider range of tone and
register than most other woodwind instruments, and an all-clarinet
ensemble can challenge a vocal choir for richness and variety of
timbre. That said, it's not exactly sexy; you won't find a clarinet
in the hands of the world's greatest lovers, unless it's being put
to some creative and not exactly musical use. Don't arsk.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage  19 Feb - 20 Mar

Your musical instruments: mousepipes, viola extravaganza

The heart, wrists and hindbrain are ruled by Lesser Umbrage, and you
need lashings of all three for your destined instrument: the
mousepipes. Traditionally used in battle by the Nac mac Feegle to
make their enemies' ears explode, mousepipes are made from
mouseskin, often with the ears still attached. Properly-played
mousepipes can do far more than fell enemies or clear out stubborn
blockages of earwax; when attacked with sufficient vigour and
emotion, they can even affect the local weather. A difficult
instrument to play, mousepipes are best learnt out on open moorland,
where the novice's "off" notes and wheezing stop-starts are unlikely
to fell anything more than a passing stoat.

The viola extravaganza, a truly unique musical experience, was
invented by Leonard of Quirm and was the first and only bowed
keyboard instrument in existence. The idea of a set of steam-driven
rotating bows running perpendicular to a set of push-down keys
(causing the moving bow to sound the pitch of the corresponding
string) came to him when he was redesigning his revolutionary
coffee-making machine. Of course, he called it the Machine for
Making Pleasant Musical Noises by Means of a Rotating Drum
Interacting with Strings and Keys, but Brindisian piano designer
Benito-Serendipito Giansoni -- the only person ever to build one of
these -- gave it the rather shorter name by which it is known.
However, in his first and only public demonstration, Bensoni allowed
the pressure to creep up in the steam boiler, and once he hit the
big crescendo in Carphammer's Illusione Chorale, things became...
ballistic. He was last seen as a blur heading up the north face of
Cori Celesti, followed by a large sonic boom; since then, viola
extravaganza lessons are only given as musical theory.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

19) ARE YOU READY FOR HOGSWATCH?

Well, that's it for another month. As the year winds to a close and
winter lays its icy little fingers over everyone but Fourecksians
and denizens of the Land of Fog, let WOSSNAME wish you a pleasant
December and a stress-free holiday season, be you Omnian, Ioian,
Reformed Potatoan or whatever. Happy trails to you, and we'll see
you in a few weeks with our all-singing, all-dancing Hogswatch
issue!

-- Annie Mac

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 6.
If you did not get all six parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

1) A LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR

To all WOSSNAME readers and assorted KFL members, I bring you
greetings and sad tidings.

It's just possible that some of you -- assuming that you've been up
a mountain, in a coma, or spending the recent weeks dead for tax
reasons -- haven't heard the distressing announcement about Pterry's
state of health. If so, or if you only heard it at several removes,
here is the news in the Master's own words:

AN EMBUGGERANCE

Folks,

I would have liked to keep this one quiet for a little while, but
because of upcoming conventions and of course the need to keep my
publishers informed, it seems to me unfair to withhold the news. I
have been diagnosed with a very rare form of early onset
Alzheimer's, which lay behind this year's phantom "stroke".

We are taking it fairly philosophically down here and possibly with
a mild optimism. For now work is continuing on the completion of
Nation and the basic notes are already being laid down for Unseen
Academicals. All other things being equal, I expect to meet most
current and, as far as possible, future commitments but will discuss
things with the various organisers.  Frankly, I would prefer it if
people kept things cheerful, because I think there's time for at
least a few more books yet :o)


Terry Pratchett

PS  I would just like to draw attention to everyone reading the
above that this should be interpreted as 'I am not dead'. I will, of
course, be dead at some future point, as will everybody else. For
me, this maybe further off than you think - it's too soon to tell. I
know it's a very human thing to say "Is there anything I can do",
but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end
experts in brain chemistry.

------------------

AN UPDATE

Folks,

My good friend Sandra Kidby of PJSM Prints is allowing me to use her
website because I am proverbially too busy to run one of my own. We
have hardly the time even to read the thousands of messages that
have come in here, let alone reply to them, but thank you all.

Could I make a small comment, however? Lots of people are sending me
plot ideas. Please, I have a lot of ideas. There is no shortage of
ideas and ideas sent to me, even with the very best of intentions,
are carefully filleted out of the correspondence before they even
get to me. I know they are sent in an effort to help, and I
appreciate this, but I advise you not to waste your time.

I am also getting a lot of requests for interviews. I am not giving
any because everything I have got to say or that can be said is in
the bulletin below. There is no point in saying it again, but in a
different order.

Can I remind everybody that I still aten't dead, even today.

Thanks again for all your good wishes.

Terry Pratchett


------------------


Yes, this bites. Harder than an unenlightened Uberwaldean vampire.
But please, everyone, remember that it does NOT mean the end of
Pterry or the end of his writing! There has been an enormous amount
of traffic in the various online Pratchett communities, and a number
of well-meaning fans are posting "get well soon!" messages;
unfortunately, in the current era, early onset Alzheimer's is not a
condition from which one can get well. But it *is* a capricious and
generally unpredictable illness, which means that some sufferers can
continue hale and hearty, with their mental faculties effectively
undiminished, for years and years.

That's *years and years*.

So please join me in wishing Terry Pratchett a rousing chorus of
"get not-worse soon!"

My own take on it is that the man deserves a well-earned rest,
should he wish to take one. He has already given us dozens of
peerless novels, not to mention stories and essays and unadulterated
cats. He has already earned the undying admiration of many millions
of readers around the world. He has seen his tales become stage
plays, animated films, audiobooks and now, telefilms. He has created
characters -- a world -- a mythos -- that will last for generations.
He has been honoured with awards, salutes from on high, and letters
from the Queen. If Pterry chose to relax and enjoy an early
retirement, I certainly wouldn't presume to complain.

Again, please join me in wishing Terry Pratchett all the best of
good health and long life, and -- here and now, in 2007 -- a very
happy Hogswatch, warmed by the love and admiration of fans around
the world. And if any of you know of any genuine Igors who might
have slipped through the rubber sheet of interdimensional realities,
do contact his publishers with all due haste. So say all of us!


-- Annie Mac, Editor


Note: both of the above announcements can be found in their original
form at:

http://www.paulkidby.com/news/index.html


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


2) HOGFATHER 2007 CHRISTMAS BROADCAST

A note for our European readers, in case the December issue of
WOSSNAME is delayed:

Sky 1 and HD (channels 106 and 175) will be showing Hogfather on
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at 8.00pm.

Wouldn't it be lovely if this becomes a yearly tradition!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
December 2007 (Volume 10, Issue 12)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No. As a
member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion, you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff  Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS AT HOGSWATCHTIME

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
3) (RE)BROADCAST NEWS
4) NADWCON NEWS
5) DWCON 2008 - NOW, THE T-SHIRT

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS, CONTEST, AND...

6) MAKING MONEY: A WASHINGTON POST FAVOURITE
7) ACTION REPLAY: PTERRY IN CAMBRIDGE
8) PTERRY IN ITALY
9) UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST
10) THE CLACKS LOG OF...
11) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

====Part 3 -- HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED, AND CLOSE

12) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED
13) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"Susan had never hung up a stocking. She'd never looked for eggs
laid by the Soul Cake Duck. She'd never put a tooth under her pillow
in the serious expectation that a dentally inclined fairy would turn
up.

"It wasn't that her parents didn't believe in such things. They
didn't *need* to believe in them. They knew they existed. They just
wished they didn't."

-- Hogfather

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR

Well. Another year, another Hogswatch. It's been an eventful year,
stretching from the success of the Hogfather miniseries last holiday
season to casting and ongoing filming of The Colour of Magic to the
release and success of Making Money to the earth-shattering news of
Pterry's illness, and here we are again trotting out the mistletoe
and the vintage scumble and gathering to celebrate various
year's-end holidays and toast the coming new year in the hopes that
it will bring even more good things and fewer bad ones.

It's been an eventful year for me as well...especially the second
half of it, since the editorship of WOSSNAME got unexpectedly
dropped in my lap. Organising the monthly issues pretty much
singlehandedly has been a learning experience, to put it mildly, and
once again I extend my heartfelt thanks to all the many readers who
have sent messages of encouragement, and the various contributors
who have sent in news and essays and generally made my job more
pleasant.

I'd like to drop a respectful and affectionate curtsey -- like
witches, editors never bow -- to our esteemed retired editor and
WOSSNAME founder Joe Schaumburger. May he have many happy
Hogswatches yet, and may his heart not attack him over the festive
dinner!

All the best and HAPPY HOGSWATCH!

-- Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) HOGFATHER AND JOHNNY REBROADCASTS

HOGFATHER U.K. REBROADCAST

A reminder for UK viewers: Sky 1 and HD (channels 106 and 175) will
be showing Hogfather on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at 8.00pm.

JOHNNY AND THE BOMB U.K. REBROADCAST

For anyone in the U.K. who hasn't seen it, or would like to see it
again, the BBC television dramatisation of 'Johnny and the Bomb' is
being shown on CBBC on Thursday 3 January 2008 from 16:00 to 17:50.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) NADWCON NEWS

From the NADWCON team:

Terry has been in touch with us and is still looking forward to
attending our convention in 2009. We will be working with Terry and
his assistant, Rob Wilkins, to make that happen and accommodate
Terry as needed. As with all of you, we hope for the best for
Terry's health and our thoughts are with Terry and his family.

-- North American Discworld Convention Update --

I'd like to thank all of you who have bought your memberships for
the 2009 North American Discworld Convention since sales went live
in mid-November. We've been very pleased and excited with the
response so far. The initial membership rate is good until the end
of March.

In the meantime, we've been busily cross-promoting this event at
other conventions around the country. We've sent the new flyers to
several conventions, and also held a room party at LosCon 34 in Los
Angeles, where we met a lot of fans and sold some memberships. We're
putting together a list of the conventions coming up where we plan
to promote our convention and we'll be looking for help getting the
word out at them, especially at the WorldCon in Denver. Expect to
see the initial requests early in the year.

Speaking of help and appreciation, I also wanted to send some thank-
yous to the many people who have helped us get up and running since
the first North American Discworld Convention was initially proposed
in 2005.

First of all, we'd like to thank Terry Pratchett, who has been very
supportive. Terry's assistant, Rob Wilkins, and Terry's U.S. editor
at HarperCollins, Jennifer Brehl, have both provided a great deal of
help and advice. Terry's agent Colin Smythe and Bernard "The Cunning
Artificer" Pearson have both offered information and assistance from
the earliest days of this effort, as have many committee members and
staff, both past and present, from the UK Discworld Conventions
which were our inspiration. We'd also like to thank Discworld
Monthly and the WOSSNAME newsletters for getting the word out
directly to the fans every month.

We've had a lot of people posting online about the convention, too,
including our guests Diane Duane and Peter Morwood as well as sites
such as Slice of Scifi and SFScope. Last but not least, we've
received a flood of support and volunteer offers from fans. We
really appreciate everyone's kindness, patience, and generosity.
We couldn't have come this far without you!

-- Website Message Board --

We have set up a message board linked to the main website to give
all of us a place to talk about the convention in addition to the
Livejournal community. Once you sign up, please introduce yourself
and join in the discussions. This is a great place for you to ask
questions, make suggestions, and meet other fans who plan to attend.

-- Hotel Update --

For those of you who have been attempting to book a hotel room, the
Tempe Mission Palms has informed us that it will be a couple of
months before their computer system is ready to accept convention
reservations. They're currently focused on handling all of the fans
coming in for the two college football bowl games at the end of
this month, and some little game called the "Super Bowl" in early
February. We'll keep checking with them and make sure you know when
they can start booking rooms.

-- Glendale, Arizona Meetup with Southwest Costumers Guild --

Discworld fans in the Phoenix area are invited to participate in the
Southwest Costumers Guild meetup on Saturday, Dec. 15 at 5:00 pm in
Glendale, Arizona. We will be meeting at the Subway sandwich shop on
the southeast corner of 58th Avenue and Glendale, then proceeding to
walk through the Glendale Glitters street fair, which runs from 6:00
pm to 10:00 pm. Members of the SWCG will most likely be wearing
various costumes to promote the Guild, but while costumes are
encouraged, they're definitely not required.

Although this is a SWCG meetup, several Discworld fans are already
due to attend. Randall Whitlock (our NADWCon Maskerade director) and
Anna Caggiano (our Guest Liaison/HarperCollins Liaison) will be
attending, and some local TerryPratchettBooks.com message board
members already plan to be there.

The Southwest Costumers Guild is a great resource for costume help
and information, so if you plan to make a costume for the NADWCon,
the Guildsters are some very useful folks to know. For more
information about the Southwest Costumers Guild, see their website:

http://www.southwestcostumersguild.org/

For more information about Glendale Glitters, see:
http://www.glendaleaz.com/events/JingleBellRockinNights.cfm

We hope to see you there.

Lee Whiteside
2009 North American Discworld Convention

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

5) DWCON 2008: GO THERE, DO THAT, WEAR THE T-SHIRT!

From Karen at L-Space:

As you know the theme of the next DWCon is 'The History Monks' and
it is not just a random choice... We get to play with space and
time and images in whole new ways. Just watch out for those
pictures and logos and slogans over the months to come.

Much has to be cunningly organised, wrought and crafted in the
building of the event. Memorable artworks, scintillating guests,
delightful delegates and of course in the finest of traditions I'm
happy to say:

WE HAZ A MERCHANDIZE!

The item in question is Ye Traditional Conne T-Shirt in the initial
line drawing version of the Convention image of The Baby Abbot on
the front and the Convention title and dates on the back.

A WOT?

This is a special Pre-Con T-Shirt and so is a strictly limited
edition. A number were snapped up by enthusiastic fans after seeing
them modelled by our supermodel committee members at the Wincanton
event last weekend. The remaining allocation are now being offered
on a first come first served basis.

WOT IT LOOKZ LIKE?

I point you, ladies, gentleman and the alternatively alive to our
Supermodel Ian, showing our new creation.

When Ian started the job of Vice Chairman he was 89, wheezing and
looking for a life. Now with the aid of Con T-Shirt you see the
young and vigorous Chair of Vice, making the most of the adoration
of the masses.

http://groups.google.com/group/dwcon_org_2008/web/limited-edition-
pre-con-t-shirt

or http://tinyurl.com/398hm2

WOT SIZEZ?

We have a small number of the run available for delivery now, the
rest are due for delivery shortly after Christmas. Orders accepted
and paid for by Wednesday 12th December will be dispatched by
Friday 14th December, First Class. This should be in time for UK
addresses before Christmas. Postage to UK addresses will be £2,
international rates will be supplied on request. Sizes are:

S   (32")
M   (34")
L   (36")
XL  (38")
XXL (40")

We may still be able to ask for some of the second half of the
order to be produced in 'slim fit' style. Please mention this
when ordering. We only have L and XL available for delivery before
Christmas. Price for all sizes is £10.

I MUST HAZ - PLIZ GIMME!

Please email info@... stating sizes needed and name and
address. We can accept payment by Paypal. Price per t-shirt is £10,

If you are happy to wait until after Christmas please say, this will
enable us to send the stock to those who need them for the Prime
Gifting Season. They would also make natty birthday presents for
those Winter birthdays or even Valentine's day (bundled with
tickets for a romantic Con weekend for two?)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- DECEMBER 2007 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part  2 - MORE NEWS AND THE SUCH

6) MAKING MONEY: A WASHINGTON POST FAVOURITE
7) ACTION REPLAY: PTERRY IN CAMBRIDGE
8) PTERRY IN ITALY
9) UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST
10) THE CLACKS LOG OF...
11) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) MAKING MONEY: HIGH ON THE LIST

Making Money made the Washington Post Book World's list of the
"Best Books of 2007".

The Washington Posts's review of Making Money:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/19/AR2
007091902196.html

or http://tinyurl.com/2po6y3

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) PTERRY CAMBRIDGE INTERVIEW

I enjoyed this one so much I think I forgot to pass it on to you.
Oops!

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1270726931

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) CIAO BELLA! PTERRY IN ITALY

It was rumoured that Pterry was in Italy recently for a signing.
Looks like it's true - and here are iconographs to prove it!

http://www.terrypratchettbooks.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get
_topic;f=6;t=000276;p=1#000007

or http://tinyurl.com/2t9ql6

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9) THE UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST!

Yes, it's time for another memorable WOSSNAME contest! With prizes!

Here's how it goes:

It's a contest. There are prizes. Any WOSSNAME reader can enter.
See? Simple. All you have to do is...

1. Write a short essay (maximum 500 words give or take 10%) about
Discworld, or any character from the Discworld series or other
books by Terry Pratchett, and what it, he, she, or...um...it means
to you. The best essay, as judged by a team of independent judges,
will win a copy of Andrew Butler's new book, An Unofficial Companion
to the Novels of Terry Pratchett.

...or...

2. Write a piece of poetry or verse describing what Terry
Pratchett's Discworld, or any Discworld character or other character
from any Pratchett book, means to you. Limericks and haikus are
allowed. The best piece (not necessarily the longest), also judged
by the team of judge-y judges, will win a copy of the book.

Bonus marks will be given for anyone writing a limerick who manages
to channel Nanny Ogg whilst still keeping it clean enough for
publication!

Closing date: delivered to our inbox by midnight, 20th January 2008.

As with our Anagram Contest, you are free to enter as many times as
you like, but anyone entering more than 500 times might be asked
politely to Get A Life, unless said person is the Head of Stamps at
the A-M Post Office. Or goes by the name of Vetinari.

In the WOSSNAME spirit, it's not as much about winning as it is
about taking part. Go on, you know you want to. WOSSNAME readers
have already given some great Discworld anagrams, so let's have some
more of your hearts and souls...muhahaha...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) THE CLACKS LOG OF...CERTAINTY NIBLICK

Cert here, posting on behalf of Alice, wherever and whatever she is.
As you can see, I managed to make it out of the Mage Wars wastes.
Took a while to get functional-shaped again. Actually, I'm not me-
shaped again yet, but I can hold a pen in my beak so it could be
worse. I'm not good with writing, much, but I did find some copies
of Alice's songs and poems and one of them is appropriate to the
season so I'm posting it here. Wishing you all a happy Hogswatch and
wishing myself the good fortune to stop being a parrot. Then again,
I'm going to carry on trying to find Alice, so being able to fly
without a carpet has a sort of advantage. Wish me luck.


HOGGERWATCHY
by Weird Alice Lancrevic

Twas Hogswatch, and the savvy youths
Did slyly grin as sleep they feigned
All tinselled were the icy roofs
And the Hogfather reigned

'Beware the pig-shaped choccy buns!
'The drunken fights, the booze'd collapse!
'Beware the lemon curd, and shun
'Voluminous brandy-snaps!'

We took our chunder-cures in hand
Pork rinds and sausage pie we bought
Then rested we as the clock struck three
And had a wily thought

And as we hid, with prying eyes
The Hogfather (with list of names)
Came jingling through the wintry skies
HO. HO. HO. as he came!

One-two, one-two! The ham's sliced through!
Its charcoaled skin was bright as chrome
We played Charades, then thanked the Gods
And went galumphing home

'And hast thou drained the scumble-pot?
'Don't be alarmed, my wee pished bairn!'
O scabrous daze, me head's all glazed!
We mortals never learn...

Twas Hogswatch, and the savvy youths
Did slyly grin as sleep they feigned
All tinselled were the icy roofs
And the Hogfather reigned.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

11) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Lady Anaemia Asterisk

RECAPPING YOUR STARS

Greetings, O seekers of the wisdom of the stars! Blessings upon you
from Anoia, my personal Goddess of the Month, and may the Cow of
Heaven fall lightly upon your cusp and not trample you with her
celestial hooves!

It's been recently brought to my attention that - despite my years
as a well-paid, I mean, well-known practitioner of the Discly astro
-illogical Arts - far too many people know far too little about the
heavenly Signs that govern their lives. To ameliorate this
benightedness, I have put considerable effort into putting together
what the Technomancers call a "database" (although why they want to
abase dates, I'm sure I don't know; I prefer sultanas myself).
Hereinunder, and also possibly just under here, is an at-a-glance
picture of the current Signs and the respective traits, qualities,
and other vital information that makes up each Zodiacal
profile... and when I say "makes up", let me assure you that hours,
no, years have been spent studying the stars. Do I look like the
sort of person who makes things up? Hah!

Remember, knowing your exact day of birth is very important, as
A'Tuin's travels take us into the realm of different constellations.
Even when the name of your Sign changes, its mystical influences
remain the same. Except when they don't. Which is why you'll always
need the services of a professional astrologer, see? I love it when
a plan comes together...

Lady Anaemia Asterisk,
(Astrologer, letters written, light cleaning services available,
leave your card with my Igor)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

Born-unders commonly known as: 'Hogs, Hoggers
fruit: pineapple
colour: flesh pink
number: 22
letter: S
matching Agatean sign: the Blowfish
known to influence: feet, ankles, elbows, fingernails
traditional Sign of: Watchmen, athletes, Regimental Sergeant-
majors

Hoggers are typically short-tempered, arrogant, and prone to being
spiky and dangerous. Many have a talent for prognostication. They
especially enjoy shouting, mot of all at subordinates.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

Born-unders commonly known as: Gahooligans
fruit: orange
colour: puce
number: 4 1/2
letter: A
matching Agatean sign: the Reciprocating Fox
known to influence: spleen, shoulders, those small fiddly island-
shaped bits on the pancreas.
traditional Sign of: schoolteachers, priests, slave traders, civil
servants, debt collectors, entrepreneurs.

Gahooligans are typically fresh, zesty, pithy and often rather sour;
they tend to be thick-skinned and do not bruise easily. They are
single-minded and simultaneously passionate and phlegmatic, and make
good communicators.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

Born-unders commonly known as: Hernians
fruit: strawberry
colour: burnt umber
number: 14
letter: M
matching Agatean sign: the Heavenly Tourist
known to influence: corpus callosum, sacrum, stiff upper lip,
reproductive organs
traditional Sign of: headmistresses, chefs, governesses, minor
government mandarins, maiden aunts

Hernians typically have a tendency to sensitive skin. They are self
-indulgent but also have a strongly developed pragmatic side; this
tends to make for people who are perpetually at war with their
desires and cravings, though it has to be said that sometimes that
war is lost on one side or the other.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

Born-unders commonly known as: Staffies
fruit: aubergine
colour: octarine
number: 11.3165
letter: G
matching Agatean sign: the Hoarse Whisperer
known to influence: mouth, tongue, eye muscles, index finger
traditional Sign of: soldiers, innkeepers, journalists, housekeepers
and philosophers

Staffies have an inborn love of pleasure and luxury, and are prone
to indulging in passing along unsupported rumours. Often far more
self-indulgent than a Hernian, lacking the same balance, yet
Staffies can also be very practical - even calculating.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers   23 Jul - 23 Aug

Born-unders commonly known as: Bilians, or Chunderers
fruit: grape
colour: burgundy
number: 12 per cent
letter: H
matching Agatean sign: the Water Feature
known to influence: organs of the middle body, particularly the
stomach, liver and gall bladder
traditional Sign of: accountants, sales managers, science teachers,
hedge witches.

Bilians are typically nervous, somewhat pessimistic, and prone to
digestive troubles. They also often lack assertiveness and self-
confidence, though at the same time they can be very forceful if
pushed too far!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

Born-unders commonly known as: Mubboons, or Mubbles
fruit: pumpkin
colour: khaki
number: 31
letter: O
matching Agatean sign: One Won Ton
known to influence: nostrils, and the hand that wields a sword or a
ploughshare (or dunging fork)
traditional Sign of: merchants, care workers, actors, Fools,
barbarian heroes, agony aunts (though not Agony Aunts), tax
assessors

Mubboons typically show honesty and the lack of artifice, and are
poor at keeping secrets. They are also known for their kindness,
understanding nature and gullibility.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars 24 Sept - 23 Oct

Born-unders commonly known as: Boring'uns
fruit: kumquat
colour: yellow
number: 3
letter: C
matching Agatean sign: the Bureaucrat
known to influence: adrenal glands, voluntary muscles, heels
traditional Sign of: church deacons, proofreaders, library
assistants, researchers in safe subjects

Boring'uns are typically extremely safety-conscious and often
methodical. They dislike excessive risk-taking and are frequently,
shall we say, paranoid.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

Born-unders commonly known as: Andies
fruit: fig
colour: electric blue
number: 256
letter: P
matching Agatean sign: the Dragon's Egg
known to influence: teeth, chest, biceps
traditional Sign of: salesmen, long distance hauliers, mercenary
soldiers and secret royalty

Andies typically love familiar, comfortable surroundings, and are
casual to the point of, well, extreme casualness; they have a
tendency to credulousness. Type 2 Andies might *seem* credulous
types, but underneath they're as sharp as tacks and twice as likely
to do you major damage if crossed!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

Born-unders commonly known as: Footies, or Footys
fruit: apple
colour: crimson
number: 1
letter: B
matching Agatean sign: the Vampire Ghost
known to influence: shoulders, neck and, erm, bottom
traditional Sign of: sailors, explorers, animal rescuers, engineers,
proctologists

Footies are typically optimistic, sometimes to the point of
foolishness, tending to view the world through rose-tinted
spectacles. They enjoy travel, and are often happy enough in their
own company to be considered "something of a loner"; also famously
good with animals.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - DECEMBER 2007 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 3 - HOROSCOPE, AND CLOSE

12) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED
13) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

12) HOROSCOPE, CONTINUED


Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

Born-unders commonly known as: Hokians
fruit: cucumber
colour: melon green
number: 7/12ths
letter: F
matching Agatean sign: the Bonsai Mountain
known to influence: eyes, brain, navel, sixth sense
traditional Sign of: highwaymen, Grand Viziers, systems
administrators and extremely powerful witches

Hoki is considered a "lucky" Sign; typical Hokians are brooders and
deep thinkers, magically adept and sometimes shy, and can be
arrogant (though less so than Hoggers...but then *anyone else* is
less arrogant than a Hogger).

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

Born-unders commonly known as: Gazundians, or sometimes Potties
fruit: banananana
colour: bone
number: 6ft 7ft 8ft bunch
letter: L
matching Agatean sign: the Barking Mad Dog
known to influence: lips, abdominal muscles, pectorals
traditional Sign of: Seamstresses, subversives, female adventurers,
exotic dancers, naturists

Gazundians are typically free spirits, unfettered by the binding
conventions of a repressive society; iconoclasts in general, they
are also sometimes loners.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage   19 Feb - 20 Mar

Born-unders commonly known as: Umbragians
fruit: wahoonie
colour: black
number: 7+1
letter: U
matching Agatean sign: Beti, the Exotic Dancer
known to influence: heart, wrists, hindbrain
traditional Sign of: Cunning Artisans, seamstresses (note
lowercase), weavers, surgeons, thieves, counterfeiters, Royal
craftsmen, minstrels, troubadours

Umbragians are typically clever-fingered and artistic, with keen
eyesight and a good grasp of spatial perception. They are very good
at finding their way into locked rooms, and have a natural "nose"
for treasure, especially in liquid forms!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

13) SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

And that wraps up Volume 10 of WOSSNAME. Ten years and we ate'nt
dead yet! One more time, we wish you all the best of the Hogswatch
season, and look forward to informing and entertaining you again in
2008. May your butter always churn and may your scumble never
weaken. "Weeee'lll meet again, dinnae where, dinnae..." -- oh wait,
that's not scumble, it's Special Sheep Liniment...

-- Annie Mac

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2007 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
JANUARY 2008 (Volume 11, Issue 1)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No. As a
member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion, you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff  Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
3) HOGSWATCH MISSIVE FROM PTERRY
4) BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL
5) UPDATE: COLOUR OF MAGIC CAST LIST
6) PRATCHETT PIECES AT ADELAIDE FRINGE
7) WYRD SISTERS IN HENLEY
8) MORT IN MORNINGTON
9) CALLING ALL SEAMSTRESSES
10) WHATEVER BECAME OF TROLL BRIDGE?

====Part 2 -- DISC ODDITIES...

11) IMAGE(S) OF THE MONTH
12) ANOTHER B.S. JOHNSON
13) BUGARUP UNIVERSITY CAMPUS NEWSROUND
14) MAKING MONEY IN ROUNDWORLD: THE FARTHING
15) ACTION REPLAY: THE UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST

====Part 3 -- ...AND THE REST

16) THE CLACKS LOG OF...
17) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
18) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"The trouble with all the aliens he'd seen was that they either
wanted to eat you or play music at you until you became better
people. You never got the sort that just wanted to do something
ordinary like borrow the lawn mower."

-- Only You Can Save Mankind

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Well, here we are with a whole fresh year to hedgehog up! I hope you
all enjoyed your holiday season and got lots of pressies, especially
if they were Discworld books.

January has been a quiet month, without much in the way of big
dramatic news -- thank Io! -- and accordingly, this is a quiet
issue. Weird Alice is still apparently not quite herself; Lady
Asterisk has an apprentice Astrologer, and there are a number of
forthcoming Discworld-y events worth noting.

Stay wrapped up warm, if you're on the upper half of Roundworld, and
don't forget the sunscreen if you're in the continent of XXXX or the
Land of Fog...or a troll, in either half. Enjoy!

-- Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) PTERRYNEWS

HOGSWATCH WISHES FROM THE MASTER

In case any of you missed this update, Pterry posted the following
missive online:

Folks,

We have had many tens of thousands of e-mails from people and the
letter flood is just beginning to bite (hilariously, spam traps here
tend to pick up things like 'medication' and treat quite a lot of
the mail as spam. If we switch them off, we get all the spam too -
hurrah!). All this good will is appreciated, although there is no
way on gods earth that I will be able to reply to even a fraction of
you. I would like people to bear in mind that I have been diagnosed
quite early after an MRI scan and a whole afternoon of tests. While
nothing is certain, one does not have to be unduly optimistic to
believe that I will be around and, hopefully, working for some time
to come. My advice, therefore, is to calm down and await events. I
have not actually gone, yet.

As an aside, thanks to everyone who bought Making Money making it,
we understand, the best selling hardback fiction of 2007. At least
that's what the figures say. It will be interesting to see if the
papers say it too.

Happy Hogswatch!

Terry Pratchett

[Editor's note: this can be found online at
http://www.paulkidby.com/news/index.html
-- with a nod to http://www.pjsmprints.com]

[Editor's other note: although editors do often get, erm, given
things, this editor wishes to go on record as having also bought a
hardcover copy of Making Money for her own collection!]

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL

PTERRY AT THE BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL

http://www.bathlitfest.org.uk/terry-pratchett.html

Bath Literature Festival 2008

Terry Pratchett: 25 Years of Discworld

Saturday 23rd February 2008, 7.30 - 8.30pm
Venue: The Forum, Bath
Price: £10 (£8)

'For a brilliantly insightful representation of human life, in all
its folly, absurdity and all its glory, stretch out a hand, pick up
a book, and find yourself in the Discworld. The corruption of
politicians, the power of money, the vainglory of celebrity, the
optimism of youth, and the ubiquity of Death - all's there in the
Discworld.

'We're delighted to welcome Terry Pratchett, master chronicler of
our life and times, reinventor of ancient myths into modern form,
storyteller par excellence, back to the Festival for an inaugural
event to kick off the celebrations of the 25th year of Discworld.
With Broadcaster Christopher Cook.'

Tickets available from Bath Festivals Box Office
Telephone: 01225 463362
http://www.bathlitfest.org.uk

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

5) COLOUR OF MAGIC UPDATE: EXTENDED CAST LIST

It looks, from the cast list, like the stories in both tCoM and tLF
will be covered. This is exciting! Note the third-last name on the
cast list...

Sir David Jason as Rincewind
Sean Astin as Twoflower
Tim Curry  as Trymon
David Bradley as Cohen the Barbarian
Laura Haddock as Bethan
Christopher Lee as Voice of Death
James Cosmo as Galder Weatherwax
Richard Da Costa as Luggage
Nicolas Tennant as Head Librarian
Michael Mears as Jiglad Wert
Roger Aston Griffiths as Lumuel Panter
Will Keen as Ganmack Treehallett
Peter Copley as Spold
Andy Robb as Third Rank Wizard
Ian Burfield as Ymor
Arthur White as Rerpf
David Schofield as Zlorf
Steven Marcus as Broadman
Liz May Brice as Herrena
Pia Mechler as Weems
Karen David as Liessa
Geoffrey Hutchings as Picture Imp
Andy Linden as Blind Hugh
Nigel Planer as Arch Astronomer
Adam Ewan as Master Launch Controller
Philip Philmar as Astrozoologist 1
Terry Pratchett as Astrozoologist 2
Thomas Morrison as Dim Student
Joe Sims as Big Star Man/Star Refugee

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

6) PRATCHETT PIECES AT ADELAIDE FRINGE

The Unseen Theatre Company in association with "Insight Presents" is
bringing "Pratchett Pieces Two - The Radio Play" to The Adelaide
Fringe 2008. Bite-sized Terry Pratchett comedies performed as radio
plays with live sound FX. Original short stories written by Terry
Pratchett. Adapted for the stage by Pamela Munt, and then for radio
by Rod Lewis.

ABOUT THE STORIES
Our heroes tell us that in death, there is honour. We've been
promised an afterlife worth fighting for. But when a fictional
character meets his maker, can an author live up to the expectations
of his medieval creation?

Then meet Cohen the Barbarian, who has spent his life fighting for a
better future. But the Trolls under the bridge are overweight
businessmen nowadays. The forests are chopped down, and there's no
one left to fight. Sometimes you can be too good at your job. But
can Cohen make one last stand for truth, justice and the Barbarian
way?

THE PERFORMERS
The Unseen Theatre Company is an award-winning theatre company
dedicated to bringing the works of Terry Pratchett to the stage. For
the past 7 years they have presented a number of his stories as
plays, generating a great cult following in Adelaide.

Insight Presents is a radio theatre troupe set up by local theatre
critic and artist Rod Lewis to produce and record radio plays in
front of a theatre audience. It produces and performs its plays the
old fashioned way by creating sound effects live on stage and using
audience participation. In 2007 it was nominated for the Adelaide
Critic's Circle Awards in the category of "Innovation".

When:
March 5 - 8 and 11 - 15 @ 5.30pm

Where:
Bakehouse Theatre, 255 Angas St Adelaide

Tickets:
Adults: $15
Concessions, Fringe Benefits & Bank SA: $10
Free Ticket Night for holders of Health Care Cards on Tuesday March
11. One night only - book now. (This deal can only be booked at the
Bakehouse Theatre)

Bookings:
Fringe Tickets:
Tel: 1300374643
Web site: http://www.adelaidefringe.com.au

Bakehouse Theatre:
Tel: 82270505
Email: book@...

Unseen Theatre Company: http://www.unseen.com.au

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) WYRD SISTERS IN HENLEY

The Henley Players are performing 'Wyrd Sisters' at the Kenton
Theatre in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire RG9 1BT, between Tuesday
25th to Saturday 29th March at 7.45pm with a 3pm Saturday matinee.

For further details, please see the Kenton Theatre web site:

http://www.kentontheatre.co.uk/Mar08.html

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) MORT COMES TO MORNINGTON

Rosebud Astral Theatre Society (Mornington Peninsula, south of
Melbourne) are presenting  a performance of Stephen Briggs'
adaptation of Mort in early March! Director Damian Perry says:

"We have a wonderful cast and a dedicated production team that will
make this a definite  must-see in March. The show runs from the 6th
of March until the 16th - 8 shows over two weeks from Thursday to
Sunday."

Website: http://www.astral.org.au
and http://www.astral.org.au/mort/

The website includes desktop wallpapers and rehearsal shots, as
well as booking information and  downloadable posters.

[Editor's note: the Mornington Peninsula is in XXXX]

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9) CALLING ALL SEAMSTRESSES

Do you fancy becoming in involved in a Seamstress Party?

In 2002, the American Seamstress Guild threw a notorious party for
Terry Pratchett at WorldCon in San Jose. At Terry's request, the
Seamstress Guild will be throwing another party for Himself at the
first ever North American Discworld Convention in 2009.

Anyone who would like to be involved is welcome at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/seamstressguild/

The Seamstress Guild will begin working on the event this year.

For further information, contact Denise Connell via email:
shewho13@....

You can find details of the North American Discworld Convention at
http://www.nadwcon.org/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) WHATEVER BECAME OF THE TROLL BRIDGE MOVIE?

Some speculations from alt.books.pratchett:

Q: How many people here are aware this is being made? Or even
supported it by being an investor?

I'm an Investor, I'll be getting a free copy of the DVD when it's
finally finished and my name will appear in the credits as will all
the other investors
-- Raymond Daley

Let's hope it's not like the Warhammer film which cannot be released
due to copyright issues. A sad loss apparently.
-- Reader in Invisible Writings.

Given that it appears to have been filmed in 2004 the signs aren't
good.
-- Keith

Well given the fact that Mr Pratchett himself have written some of
the lines in the movie I see no problems for copyright issues. As
far as I know the film is still in post-production. I look forward
to my copy of it when it's finished.
-- Winterbay

Au contraire, It's the work of a very small group of people with
limited funds. They've been doing post production for at least 2
years from what I read on their web site.
-- Raymond Daley

Well, it's been publicised on L-Space Web for the past couple of
years. :-)

http://www.lspace.org/fandom/events/movies/troll-bridge.html
-- esmi

4 years in post production seems a little excessive for a 20 minute
short.
-- Keith

Not when it's 2 guys making an animated CGI Troll and CGI
backgrounds to composite in on an ordinary computer
-- Raymond Daley

I'm an investor, though I've become disconnected from the email
address I registered under so while (when I remember) I can still
keep up-to-date on the site and seeing the latest on how the
CGI/compositing/etc is going, I'm not sure if I should have been
receiving more direct updates.

OTOH, I'm content to let Daniel, et al, get on with it as they see
fit. And, given the official backing it has, I'd especially like it
to be done 'right' and not just to a deadline.
-- Len

They have day jobs, and they're trying to do it right, not under a
production or broadcast schedule.
-- Tamar

And they have produced some other short movies in the meantime.
Jörg

Yep, including the now legendary Rincewind film that was shown at
the AusCon
-- Raymond Daley

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2008 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part  2 -- DISC ODDITIES

11) IMAGE(S) OF THE MONTH
12) ANOTHER B.S. JOHNSON
13) BUGARUP UNIVERSITY CAMPUS NEWSROUND
14) MAKING MONEY IN ROUNDWORLD: THE FARTHING
15) ACTION REPLAY: THE UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) IMAGE OF THE MONTH

Several, this month!

The END OF CAKE lolcat:
http://tinyurl.com/2u7ua4

Death takes another holiday:
http://tinyurl.com/3cjtb9

The rather attractive poster for the Colour of Magic film:
http://tinyurl.com/2vtkna

The charming poster for Unseen Theatre's Pratchett Pieces:
http://tinyurl.com/3yaskl


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

12) ANOTHER B.S. JOHNSON

I was wandering around Wikipedia the other day, as one does, and
despite my wanders having nothing to do with Discworld I came across
the following:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B.S._Johnson

This particular B.S. Johnson was an English "experimental novelist"
of the mid-20th century. He was so experimental that hardly anyone
bought his novels, and he died of despair at the age of 40.

-- Annie Mac


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

13) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS: NEW LIFE FOR AN OLD UNIVERSITY

Bugarup University of Roundworld, also known as ozdw@yahoogroups, is
now in its many-th year of life on the anternet. Originally founded
by a disreputable cadre of Fourecksians, BU has been active on
Yahoogroups for the better part of a decade, and on Egroups for some
years before that; apart from its other points of interest, it holds
the dubious distinction of being perhaps the only Pratchett-and-
Discworld-related discussion group that requires Discworld-and-
Pratchett-related posts to carry an ON TOPIC WARNING -- because BU
is not so much a DW-and-P discussion group as a general discussion
group composed of Discworld and Pratchett aficionados!

It's also worth noting that one of the charter members was (and
still is; he ate'nt dead yet) the estimable Joe Schaumburger, head
of the Roundworld Klatchian Foreign Legion and founder of WOSSNAME.
Joe runs the Miami Underwater Campus of BU with an iron hand. Or
possibly tentacle.

Like any University, BU has had its golden years and its quiet
times, and is home to some genuine eccentrics (but no trolls, unless
you count the one guarding the BU Bridge). After a fairly quiet
period in '07, the BU campus has recently come to life again with
new students and faculty, new discussions and a new crop of
eccentrics. So if you think the University life is for you, head
over to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ozdw/ and press the JOIN THIS
GROUP button; a member of the Faculty will be there eventually to
unlock the doors.

In the meantime, here are a few choice bits from recent BU campus
activities...

SCARY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM

From the BU Head of Technomancy. Those of you who have been even
momentarily fooled by email scams might recognise the format:

IT REALLY WORKS!

You won't believe what I'm about to tell you, a friend told me and I
was sure it wasn't true, but I tried it for a laugh and it REALLY
WORKS!!!

It's been verified by the Faculty of Technomancy at Bugarup
University, and by the Guild of Alchemists in Klatch. If you smear
the screen of your Hex with LEMON JUICE, and hold it over a candle
flame, you will see LETTERS APPEARING.

These letters are the secret recipe for Nanny Ogg's LAST DANCE
DESPERATION LOVE POTION. You'll be pulling girls like CASANUNDA if
you put a bit of this in your custard.

There's even more - if you rub the lemon juice on your droit
d'seigneur and hold it over a flame every day after eating the love
custard, after a week you'll be hung like GREAT T'PHON!! No more
spending your hard earned pay at Mrs Palm's, the ladies will be
falling over themselves to get SOME OF YOUR SAUSAGE IN THEIR BUN!

If you send this email to 10 of your friends in five minutes, PONDER
STIBBONS will send you FIVE ANKH-MORPORK DOLLARS. If you don't send
it to 10 friends, fairies will pull out your nasal hairs and your
bum will fall off.

Remember, friends are there for you in danger, but when Mister
Safety catch is not on, Mister Crossbow is not your friend.

-----

QUIRM AND GENUA QUESTION

The question was asked:
In Making Money, it's established that the Quirmian language is
effectively French. And Quirm is a sleepy, boring wine-growing area,
which indicates rural France. Genua is obviously New Orleans, for
the most part, and seems to have French- style cuisine and style
(note the titles of the posh nobs) in addition to the Creole/Cajun
cuisine. Does this indicate, in terms of Roundworld analogues, that
there's a connection between Quirm and Genua? - even though both
places seem to use Morporkian as their lingua franca...?

Libwolf spake:
Don't forget that Genua asked Ankh-Morpork for new nobles (after the
old ones died from inbreeding). So either there is no connection.
The two cities are feuding The connection happened during the Ankh-
Morporkian Empire days - nobles sent to a new colony? Accident of
history? Anyone else got an idea?

Jase suggested:
Trouserlegs of time?

New Bruce added:
Empire sending colonists bit sounds good. In Soul Music, Quirm is
referred to both as a town and as a city and famed for blue cheese
(Roquefort?). It would be pre-Revolution France as it is ruled by a
duchy. Klatch is then possibly Algeria, because of the Foreign
Legion (and the sand)? There is also the Ankh-Morporkian term
"Pardon my Klatchian" - Roundworld usage is "Pardon my French".

-----

PUNES, OR PLAYS ON WORDS

New Bruce:
...gave me a Merkin "Making Money" for Hogswatch - the
spelling drove us nuts.

Jase:
A money making merkin may have been more profitable...

Someone else:
We had one but the knobbly bit fell off.

-----

DON'T TELL THE RUPERT

New Bruce found something interesting to share:

There were two Monstrous Regiment allusions on the telly last week.

"Monarchy" mentioned William of Orange had a printing press with him
during the Glorious Revolution (or Orange Invasion, depending on
your view of history)and in "Fooling Hitler" they showed how they
packed uniform-dressed dummies full of explosives - these were known
as "ruperts".

[Editor's note: yes, the ON TOPIC WARNING tag was indeed used for
most of these.]

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

14) MAKING ROUNDWORLD MONEY: THE HISTORY OF THE FARTHING

by Annie Mac and Steven D'Aprano

For Americans -- and for Commonwealth people who grew up after the
advent of decimal coinage -- the old British system of coinage seems
both romantic and confusing. Guineas, crowns, florins, shillings,
farthings, ten-bob notes, threepenny bits, ha'pennies, not to
mention the whole twelves-and-twenties system.

Ankh-Morpork coinage goes down to very small denominations. The
elim, referred to so amusingly in Making Money and equal to one-
sixteenth of one penny, does have a Roundworld analogue: the
farthing equalled one-quarter penny, and quarter-farthing coins were
minted in the late 1800s, although only circulated in certain far-
flung British colonies. Presumably these were the ones where
quarter-farthings could buy for a partially smoked cigarette end,
half-eaten apple core or very small, slightly green potato! So for
now, let's look into the history of its parent coin, the farthing...

Farthings, worth one-quarter of a penny, were minted and circulated
in England from the 13th century until 31 December 1960, when they
ceased to be legal tender. Early farthings were silver, but as they
contained a quarter-penny's worth of silver and were thus extremely
small and easily lost. And because far fewer farthings were produced
than pennies and halfpennies, hardly any silver farthings have
survived to modern times. Copper farthings were first issued during
the reign of King James I; copper coinage had been in use in
Scotland and on the European mainland for some time, but the English
seemed to have a Dwarf-like obsession with gold and silver,
requiring that coins contained their proper values' worth of metal.
James decided not to have the copper coinage produced by the Royal
Mint, but instead put the production of farthings into the hands of
John Harington, 1st Baron Harington of Exton (a bit more posh than
the little old ladies of the A-M Royal Mint outsource team).

In 1684-85 farthings made of tin with a small central copper plug
were introduced. Tin farthings continued to be minted during the
reign of William and Mary, but these lost popularity due to the
problems of the corrosion of tin, and in 1693-1694 copper farthings
were produced again.

Back to outsourcing: manufacturers were using cheap labour,
including foreigners -- some of them engravers who couldn't even
spell the king's name! There was also a thriving counterfeiting
'industry' (amazingly, some unofficial pieces passed muster as
currency because their markedly different legends meant that the
manufacturers would not be accused of counterfeiting). Also, genuine
coins were melted down and underweight fabrications produced from
the reclaimed metal. By 1698 there was a glut of copper coinage and
an Act was passed to stop the coining for one year.

During the Great Recoinage of 1816, production of gold and silver
coins took precedence over copper; copper farthings were not minted
again until 1821. Benedetto Pistrucci was then employed as a
designer and engraver at the mint, and when he came to engrave the
designs for the new farthing he produced a "spectacularly ugly
portrait of the king, with a bulging face and neck", which rapidly
got him the sack. This may have served as inspiration for a certain
plot point in Making Money -- can you say "brains of a turnip"?!

During Queen Victoria's reign, farthings were produced in two
metals, the copper issue of 1838–1860 and the bronze issue of
1860–1901.

The farthing of Queen Elizabeth II's reign was only produced for
four years (1953–1956). In 1953 it was noted in The Times that a
bus conductor refused to accept eight farthings for a two-penny bus
fare, and that a newspaper vendor had become abusive when offered
six farthings for a newspaper, even though the farthing was still
legal tender in sums up to one shilling; faced with declining value
and popularity, the last farthings were minted in 1956 and the
farthing ceased to be legal tender after 31st December 1960.

Lastly, an interesting note: the current (decimal-system) penny coin
is almost the same size as the last minted farthings.


-- from various sources, including Wikipedia and childhood and
family memories



%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

15) ACTION REPLAY: THE UNOFFICIAL COMPANION CONTEST

Since many of you have been away from the holidays and may have lost
the December 2007 issue of WOSSNAME in your mountains of piled-up
emails, we're extending the closing date of the Unofficial Companion
contest. Once again, with feeling:

THE RULES

1. Write a short essay (maximum 500 words give or take 10%) about
Discworld, or any character from the Discworld series or other
books by Terry Pratchett, and what it, he, she, or...um...it means
to you. The best essay, as judged by a team of independent judges,
will win a copy of Andrew Butler's new book, An Unofficial Companion
to the Novels of Terry Pratchett.

or

2. Write a piece of poetry or verse describing what Discworld, or
any Discworld character or other character from any Pratchett book,
means to you. Limericks and haikus are allowed. The best piece (not
necessarily the longest), also judged by the team of judge-y judges,
will win a copy of the book.

Bonus marks will be given for anyone writing a limerick who manages
to channel Nanny Ogg whilst still keeping it clean enough for
publication!

Closing date: delivered to our inbox by midnight, 22nd February
2008.

As with our Anagram Contest, you are free to enter as many times as
you like.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - JANUARY 2008 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 3 -- ...AND THE REST...

16) THE CLACKS LOG OF...
17) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
18) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

16) THE CLACKS LOG OF CERTAINTY NIBLICK

Well. The good news is that I'm back in my own body again -- or my
own body is back to itself again -- whatever -- and that I've found
Alice's trail. Or at least an indication of Alice's trail. We've
managed to reach each other through a vatiation of Postvital
Communications, and I've discovered that she's in an alternate
universe and has been trapped in an alternate Quirm for weeks now.
This is her report, in song of course.

We'll see each other again. I'm working on it.


LIFE IN QUIRM

There's a Godsawful floral clock
In that town with miasmic air
Where the cheeses are ageing slow
And the cafes serve sparkling 'eau'
But they roll up the pavements at night
And the tourism turns to flight
Though there's wineries ev'rywhere
All the 'vin' is so 'ordinaire'
Yes, the city's a sad old bore
See it once and you'll cry 'non more!'
Though the cuisine is 'cordon bleu'
It's ennui that you'll choke upon

Grocers
Shouting round the veg stalls
Oh man, look at those tradesmen go
It's a brassica show
Take a look at the Watchmen
Rolling up their dog-ends
Oh man, wonder if they'll ever know
There's something shaking in Sto
Is there life in Quirm?

It's on Morporkia's guanoed brow
In plainer words than in 'WHERE'S MY COW?'
That the Quirmians struck true fame:
Voted "Most Boring Town" again!
Yes, its lack of all interest reigns
From the Ankh to the fecund plains
It's the paste in the rural jewels
(Though it's good for producing Fools)
Really, Quirm is a sad old bore
It's advisable to ignore
Now I'm watching that clock again
As the sun turns the crocus on

Short yobs
Fighting in the Dwarf bars
Oh man, look at those Kzad-bhats go
They've been digging below
Take a look at the schoolgirls
Barging down the sports field
Oh man, wonder if they'd ever care
Death sent his granddaughter there...
Is there life in Quirm?
...erm...



Note for Roundworlders:
original lyrics can be found at:
http://lyricwiki.org/David_Bowie:Life_On_Mars


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

17) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Fernando Magnifico

[Editor's note: it is with great trepidation that we introduce a new
astrologer for this month's issue. Lady Anaemia Asterisk sent us a
note a few days ago, begging off from the Horoscope for this month,
but promising to have her "very talented, oh so *very* talented"
apprentice prepare it.]

FERNANDO TAKES YOU TO THE STARS

Hallo and buongiorno! The Lady Asterisk is indisposed this month,
she is suffering from the Hogswatch exhaustion. But do not worry!
It is I, Fernando, who is here, and I will be your astrologer today.

People ask me, "Fernando, how do I become a magnificent lover like
you? I am but a pale, lukewarm-blooded Morporkian without a single
drop of your hot Brindisian blood. Is it hopeless?" I laugh at them,
but not cruelly, because Fernando is never cruel. Unless you want
him to be, and then Fernando will be merciless. I laugh at them
because it is not true that all Brindisians are magnificent lovers
like Fernando. To be like Fernando, you must know everything there
is to know about your lovers, not just their names. And so Fernando
has come across the Disc to Ankh-Morpork, all the way from Brindisi,
to learn astrology, for what else can tell you so much about a
person but the stars?

For many weeks I have studied the art of astrology at the
magnificent feet of the very beautiful and sexy Lady Asterisk.
Fernando has been like a slave to Lady Asterisk, and has suffered to
learn his art. But now that his Lady is too exhausted to cast the
horoscope for you, Fernando is ready to shoulder the burden. Do not
worry, Fernando has never failed yet!


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

If you are a Hogger, this is a good month for you to make such
magnificent music and song! You listen to Fernando and learn to play
the ancient beloved lute of sleepy Veranda and sing the aria from
"L'uomo della cucina". Come desidero ho mangiato una salsiccia con
questi fagioli!!! Which is Brindisian for "How I wish I had a
sausage with these beans", but do not worry, it is very romantic
when you sing it.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

If you are born under Gahoolie, this will be a good month for making
passionate love. If you do not have anyone to make passionate love
with, do not worry, for Fernando can help you no matter who you are.
Fernando is very open minded. Many species make passionate love, and
Fernando will always be there to help.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

Herne the Hunted is the sign of parts. You know, the manly parts and
the ladyly parts, and for trolls, the rocky parts. Fernando does not
like to be rude and speak of them directly, except in the boudoir,
but you know the parts I mean. This is a good month for Hernians who
are wishing to make many magnificent babies with their parts, so you
must remember to take part.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

Fernando knows that life is not all play, sometimes you must swim
the furthest ocean and climb the highest mountain to find a token of
your love. Fortunately, Fernando is not afraid of hard work, and if
you are a Staffie, you too should not be afraid of hard work. This
is the month for you to work hard, and like Fernando, you shall have
great success at all you attempt.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers  23 Jul - 23 Aug

If you have every dreamed of being a famous artist, this is the
ideal month for you to make great art. Whether you are the late
beginner like Grandma Marmoset or the early genius like Leonardo da
Quirm, this month you must make love to your canvas, so to speak.
And if you need a model, Fernando has his own figleaf.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

If you are a Mubboon, this will be a good month for adding to your
jewellery collection. Fernando suggests that Zoon gold jewellery
never is out of place. For women, rings on every finger. Do not be
tempted to use brass or silver! Nothing but gold will do. The gem is
not important, diamonds or Ankhstones, it does not matter, so long
as the ring is at least 11ct gold. With earrings, the bigger the
hoop the better. For men, choose tasteful plain gold rings half an
inch or so in width. Do not overdo it with a ring on every finger:
more than three rings on each hand is just being ostentatious. If
you are looking for an outlet for your artistic side, Fernando
suggests gold medallions on chains. You can never have too many
medallions.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars  24 Sept - 23 Oct

For you Boring'uns, this is a month for washing your hair. The
Boring'uns, they say to Fernando "My hair is so greasy and lank, how
do I make it as thick and long like Fernando's?". I tell them, you
should wash it three times with well water, but do not forget to
strain the newts out first. Then condition with egg yolks and
kumquat, and you too shall have hair as sensual and dark as
Fernando's.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

Fernando is friend to all, but most people are not so fortunate to
be Fernando. They have enemies, betrayers and adversaries. If you
have had your honour insulted, this is your month for vengeance! Let
your enemies weep, and their enemies celebrate. Fernando does not
like to talk of such unpleasantness, but the stars have spoken --
this is the month for Andies and retribution.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

If you Footies tend your garden this month, you will be sure to have
great success, like Fernando's Uncle Enzo. How magnificent are Uncle
Enzo's tomatoes and melanzane! Fernando remembers as a small boy
sneaking into Uncle Enzo's garden and stuffing himself sick on figs.
This is a good month for your garden, especially the zucchinis and
the garlic.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

For Hokians, this month is an excellent month for coach racing. If
you have every wanted to "spark iron" on the cobblestones with high-
speed coach driving, this is your month to start. Fernando's life is
already very much exciting, but many people are not so fortunate,
and for them the thrill of being a "straw head" brings joy to their
lives. For Hokians this month, Fernando can recommend the Linguini
Diavolo with the red leather seats, go-faster stripes and two
Klatchian Thoroughlybred horses.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

This is be a good month for Hoggers to remember their mammas! Your
mamma is the most important person. You should listen to Fernando,
who writes to his sainted Mamma every day, and goes home to see her
on her birthday and at Hogswatch.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage   19 Feb - 20 Mar

Footsball! The greatest game of all, and if you are born under the
sign of the Lesser Umbrage, this will be a good month for footsball.
Like Captain Carrot of the City Watch would say -- and he is a man
nearly as magnificent as Fernando -- every month is a good month for
footsball, but this month will be especially favourable for
Umbragians and Brindisians: the magnificent Rail Juvenilis Footsball
Club will be taking on the accursed Quirmian Fromageophages for the
Brindisi Cup. Go Juvenilis!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

18) THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE

Thanks as always to our contributors. Keep those C-mails coming!

Here's to a productive and pleasant 2008 for everyone -- I'm going
to kick back for a few weeks now and enjoy the season. They may not
know what Winter is in Fourecks, but they offer a fine line in
Summer. So that's another prawn on the barbie, and we'll see you
next month...

-- Annie Mac

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3.
If you did not get all three parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
FEBRUARY 2008 (Volume 11, Issue 2)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the worldwide
Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, including the North
American Discworld Society and other continental groups. Are you a
member? Yes, if you sent in your name, country and e-mail address.
Are there any dues? No! As a member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion,
you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
3) PTERRY'S OWN HEALTH UPDATE
4) COLOUR OF MAGIC PREMIERE IN LONDON!
5) OFFICIAL SKY TV COLOUR OF MAGIC SITE
6) PTERRY SPEAKS: INTERVIEW ABOUT HIS ILLNESS
7) MR PRATCHETT IS OUT OF THIS WORLD!
8) NIGHT WATCH: ON THE WIRELESS
9) ASK THEM ABOUT PINS
10) HOGFATHER DVD USA RELEASE UPDATE
11) BOOK NEWS: DISCWORLD'S 25th ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATIONS

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS

12) UNSEEN BUT HEARD: A REMINDER ABOUT PRATCHETT PIECES
13) 2008 DWCON UPDATES
14) NADWCON UPDATES
15) MASKERADE IN HORSHAM
16) WYRD SISTERS AT HENLEY: A REMINDER
17) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REMINDER
18) DISCBLOGGERY: PTERRY AT THE BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL
19) BACK PAGES: PRATCHETT SHOT BY DEATH RAY!

====Part 3 -- ...AND MORE...

20) QUIRM AND GENUA: A READER'S THOUGHTS
21) RUN RINCEWIND RUN
22) IMAGE OF THE MONTH
23) EAR TO THE SCREEN: ALT.BOOKS.PRATCHETT
24) AROUND THE B.U. CAMPUS
25) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

====Part 4 -- WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED

25a) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC, CONTINUED

====Part 5 -- HOROSCOPE, AND CLOSE

26) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
27) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


1) QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"People robbing and murdering all over place, what sort of
impression are visitors going to take away? You come all the way to
see our fine city with its many points of historical and civic
interest, also many quaint customs, and you wake up in some back
alley or as it might be floating down the Ankh, how are you going to
tell all your friends what a great time you're having?"

-- The Colour of Magic

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) COLOUR OF MAGIC FOR THE WIN!

"That old octarine magic got me under its spell..." Oh, yes!

Well now, it's only a few days until the first Discworld-related Big
Event of 2008, namely the premiere of The Colour of Magic in London.
And I have to admit that I'm quite excited -- excited enough that I
almost wish I could teleport in for the festivities! As you know, O
readers, I was far less enthusiastic about Hogfather, but this time
around I have great hopes. Mob Films already have one Discworld
success under their belts, tCoM offers a less complex set of
storylines to present to the unenlightened public (and we can
presume that quite a few of the unenlightened were turned on enough
by Hogfather-the-miniseries to hie themselves to their local
bookseller and get into the magic of the Discworld novels), and all
the glimpses into the sets and cast have looked fantastic. So here
we go, were we go, were we go, and I hope you join me in wishing The
Colour of Magic every success!

For those of you within the Sky telly catchment, WOSSNAME will
update you the moment an air date is announced -- by special
announcement, if necessary. The rest of us will just have to wait.
Shame it can't be sent down to XXXX by Clacks...

This month's issue contains information about several Discworld
productions in other media: stage and radio plays around Roundworld.
It seems to me that the number of companies offering Discworld is on
the rise, and that's wonderful news. It also makes me wonder when,
say, Marvel Comics will catch up with the programme and start doing
a Discworld series. Anyone got Stan Lee's phone number?

-- Annie Mac

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) PTERRY HEALTH UPDATE IN HIS OWN WORDS: PROMISING NEWS

Folks,

Happy New Year!

I'm going to keep this short because I'd like to finish Nation by
the end of the week, but things here are looking up a bit since my
last report.

I shall very soon be on medication that in theory should blow some
of the cobwebs away and I hope my typing speed and accuracy will
improve. Meanwhile, we are in contact with various organisation and
researchers and keeping in touch with developments in the field,
which is something of a Cinderella compared with other major
illnesses.

In short, we are trying to set up a system so that if any researcher
anywhere shouts "Eureka!" I'll be banging on his door even before
he's found a towel.

I still expect to be able to go to the UK and US conventions. Apart
from that, all my time in the office these days is spent writing,
although there are a few events that I am taking on this year. I
regret to say that I'm even cutting down on answering fan mail
because my typing is so slow.

A new book or an answer to your fan letter - don't make me choose.

We're still getting lots of people saying "Is there anything we can
do?" (Including high end brain specialists or other knowledgeable
people who make up my "Greek Chorus" of advisors.) What will
undoubtedly help, if you feel inclined, is to send some money. We
will shortly be setting up a mechanism for you to do so and will
post news on this when it is ready. This will be passed onto the
Alzheimer's Research Trust, who have been very helpful.

-- Terry Pratchett

To see Pterry's letter on the anternet, go to:

http://www.pjsmprints.com/news/jan2008.html


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) THE COLOUR OF MAGIC: PREMIERE ANNOUNCEMENT

from http://www.pjsmprints.com/ and other sources:

The Colour of Magic miniseries will have a premiere screening on
March 3rd in London at The Curzon Cinema, Mayfair at 18.30. There
will be a second screening for the fans at 21.00. That leaves the
rest of us out in the cold, but Sandra Kidby writes, "Sky are
positively encouraging anyone who would like to come along and wave
and cheer before the first screening - costumes are, of course,
most welcome."

The Colour of Magic will likely be broadcast on Sky One in the UK
over the March Easter Weekend, although specific dates and times
have not yet been announced. RHI Films indicates that it will
air in the US on ION Television later in 2008. For details on the
miniseries, you can visit the official production site for the Sky
One broadcast at:

http://www.skyoneonline.co.uk/tcom

SANDRA KIDBY WRITES:

We have been inundated with requests for tickets to see The Colour
of Magic premiere on March 3rd. We quickly used up all of our
original allocation and will be emailing those lucky individuals who
will be joining us on the night over the next couple of days.
However, there may be hope for those on our ever-expanding reserve
list as Sky TV have promised to let us know tomorrow if there will
be any more available to us; keep your fingers crossed and keep
checking www.pjsmprints.com/news for details!

All the best.

Sandra Kidby
www.pjsmprints.com

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

5) OFFICIAL SKY TV COLOUR OF MAGIC SITE

http://www1.sky.com/colourofmagic/index.html

This is a lovely site! Very Flash-heavy -- it's a shame there isn't
a more text-based version available -- but the magical "staff" menu
pointer is charming, and there are some excellent interview extracts
from the main cast. Sean Astin's pagelet, in particular, is a
delight. The man has a fine sense of good humour and his enthusiasm
is contagious. Go Sean!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

6) PTERRY SPEAKS OUT: INTERVIEW ABOUT HIS ILLNESS

An enlightening interview by BBC Radio Stoke's Pete Morgan can be
found at:

http://tinyurl.com/2w7rpe

***

...and also...

...on the subject of Pterry's illness -- when the news first broke,
my friend The Agatean Swordsman (no, really: he's a direct
descendant of the last Imperial Chinese house and also head honcho
of the local swordcraft guild) made the following affectionate
observation:

"I can see it now, 30 years down the track, with a Segway-powered
suitcase and an orangutan for a PA: Pterry sitting on a beach
somewhere whilst wearing a nightgown and using a tea-cosy for a hat,
wondering why on earth someone's badly sewn 'wizzard' onto his
underpants."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) PTERRY IS OUT OF THIS WORLD!

Terry Pratchett will be opening the UK's largest Planetarium at
INTECH in Winchester on March 19th, 2008.

http://www.intech-uk.com/folders/visitor_info/map_amp_directions/

In related news, Pterry sat up nearly all night with the legendary
astronomer Patrick Moore to watch the total eclipse of the Moon on
21st February, and presented Sir Patrick with a signed Paul Kidby
portrait of Leonard of Quirm, Carrot, Rincewind and the Librarian
standing on the Discworld's Moon (iconographed during the events of
The Last Hero, we presume). To see some photos of the event -- the
eclipse, that is! -- go to:

http://www.pjsmprints.com/news/index.html

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) NIGHT WATCH ON THE WIRELESS

An audio play of NIGHT WATCH will be broadcast on Radio 4 in five
half-hour episodes at 23.00-23.30 on 27 February, 5, 12, 19 and 26
March. The play is dramatised by Robin Brooks and directed by
Claire Grove.

Radio 4 is broadcast on 92-95 MHz FM in the UK, with these
exceptions: 95.8 MHz in central Scotland, 96 MHz in Greater Belfast,
103-104.5 MHz in parts of Wales and on 103.6 MHz in the Inverness
area.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9) ASK THEM ABOUT PINS...

PJSM Prints is introducing the first two Discworld collectable pins:
the City Watch Badge and the Assassin's Guild crest. Each pin
measures 1", is beautifully crafted and comes from a limited edition
of only 100 whose unique number is individually engraved on the
back.

The City Watch badge is based on the eight-pointed copper star, with
the Ankh-Morpork coat of arms in the centre and 'Fabricati Diem,
Pvnc' written around the arms. The Assassin's Guild crest features
the classic skull and crossbones design encased within a cloak and
dagger and the Guild's 'Nil Mortifi Sine Lvcre' motto; the pin is
studded with faux rubies and is further embellished with stunning
purple enamel. [Where's the secret poison compartment? -- Ed.]

Profits from the sale of these pins will be divided between the
Royal British Legion (Jersey) Poppy Appeal and the Alzheimer's
Research Trust.

"Truly for the discerning Discworld collector." -- Terry Pratchett

For more details and ordering information, go to:

www.pjsmprints.com

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) HOGFATHER DVD USA RELEASE UPDATE

The Borders exclusive sale period for the Hogfather DVD in the USA
is coming to an end. Hogfather will be on general release there on 4
March 2008.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

11) BOOK NEWS: DISCWORLD'S 25th ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATIONS

Transworld is celebrating 25 years of Discworld, as well as Terry
Pratchett's 60th birthday, in June this year. Gold stickers will
adorn the paperback of Making Money and the reissue, for the first
time in 12 years, of the graphic novels The Light Fantastic and The
Colour of Magic, published together in a large-format hardback with
a printed papercase [£25]. This reissue will follow the televised
dramatisation of The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic on Sky
One in March. Pratchett's new children's novel, Nation, is scheduled
for September.

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/53347-discworld-makes-a-quarter-
century.html

or http://tinyurl.com/339wk4

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- FEBRUARY 2008 -- PART 2 OF 5 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 2 - MORE NEWS AND THE SUCH

12) UNSEEN BUT HEARD: A REMINDER ABOUT PRATCHETT PIECES
13) 2008 DWCON UPDATES
14) NADWCON UPDATES
15) MASKERADE IN HORSHAM
16) WYRD SISTERS AT HENLEY: A REMINDER
17) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REMINDER
18) DISCBLOGGERY: PTERRY AT THE BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

12) UNSEEN BUT HEARD: A REMINDER

The Unseen Theatre Company in association with Insight Presents is
bringing "Pratchett Pieces Two - The Radio Play" to The Adelaide
Fringe 2008. Bite-sized Terry Pratchett comedies performed as radio
plays with live sound FX. Original short stories written by Terry
Pratchett. Adapted for the stage by Pamela Munt, and then for radio
by Rod Lewis.

When: March 5 - 8 and 11 - 15 @ 5.30pm
Where: Bakehouse Theatre, 255 Angas St Adelaide
Tickets: Adults: $15; Concessions, Fringe Benefits & Bank SA: $10
Free Ticket Night for holders of Health Care Cards on Tuesday March
11. One night only (can only be booked at the Bakehouse Theatre)

Bookings:
Fringe Tickets:
Tel: 1300374643
Website: http://www.adelaidefringe.com.au

Bakehouse Theatre:
Tel: 82270505
Email: book@...

Unseen Theatre Company: http://www.unseen.com.au

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

13) 2008 DWCON UPDATES

From Esmi:

The last of the 100, limited edition, pre-Convention T-shirts have
now been sold. Congratulations to those who managed to obtain one of
these  special collector's items and commiserations to those of you
who missed out.

However, all is not lost. We will be bringing you more 2008
Discworld Convention merchandise soon. So watch this space[1].

[1] http://www.dwcon.org/

***

From Karen:

Your dynamic hotel team have once again gone above and beyond the
call of duty. Recently, after securing the penthouse suite for
Charlie, and more modest accommodation for Bosley they negotiated
CMOT rates for room upgrades.

http://tinyurl.com/37pn67

Not content, they subsequently set their sights on a special deal
for meals at the five star Hilton beyond the full sized Breakfast
Buffet included in your room price.

The Hilton has its own restaurants should you wish to splash out a
la carte (actual number of restaurants open will depend on
operational decisions at the time). However this wasn't enough for
the Hotel Team. After a little persuasion they have agreed to lay on
a special, additional menu for the convention delegates at an
everyday price. After extensive testing and tasting and loosening of
corsets by the Hotel Team and their acolytes the team awarded the
top prize to the Lemon Syllabub. Karen would happily dine on this
morning, noon and night but since some of you may want alternatives
she was persuaded to add other options to the menus...

The special convention Dinner menus each offer a choice of three
main courses and dessert or cheese for second course at each
sitting. Tea/Coffee and soft drinks are also at a special price for
these meals. Each meal includes vegetarian options as standard but
particular dietary needs can also be catered within this deal if you
let us know in advance. The Chef's team have been particularly
supportive in this so don't be afraid to ask! All the meals have
been tested and approved by the team. The price is being kept down
by having simpler menus and advanced booking which means quality is
maintained at the reduced price. The price for Dinner will be 14.50
per two course meal (half price for children under 16). Lunches are
available for 5.50 with a range of baguettes, jacket potatoes and
pizza slices.

There is a limited number of covers for these meals but you can now
browse the menus and order meals by filling in the online form. It
would also be helpful if you could fill in a form if you know you
definitely won't want meals. You can modify your meal order if your
plans change by modifying the online form, up until mid July but
since covers at this price a limited please indicate if you would
like meals as soon as possible. Please also indicate if you would be
interested in meals on the Thursday/Monday nights - if there is
sufficient demand the team will organise something for these nights
as well.

http://www.dwcon.org/hotel/menus.php#reserve

Once you have finished you choices you may wish to join the hotel
team in the gym or the pool where the hotel team will be busily
working off all those lemon syllabubs...

As ever this announcement is available with additional
illustrations,  especially of your hotel team here:

http://tinyurl.com/2rdckt

LATE-BREAKING UPDATE:

The great hotel rates, especially negotiated for 2008 Discworld
Convention members, have been very popular. So popular that you have
been snapping them up - fast!

As a result, there is now only limited room availability. Triple,
double and interconnecting twin rooms have been sold out. We do,
however, still have some single and twin rooms available but you
may need to act quickly before they disappear too. Check the Hotel
Booking page for the  current room status.

http://www.dwcon.org/hotel/book.php


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

14) NADWCON UPDATES

[Ed. note: the 2009 NADWCON keeps looking better and better!]

From the Powers That Be at NADWCON:

Convention Memberships
First of all, we've had a steady stream of memberships coming in via
Paypal since they went on sale in late November. We appreciate the
support you have shown and we're ready to start spreading the word
beyond the core fan communities. If you're one of those who have
purchased a membership, you'll soon be receiving an email
verifying how (and if) you want your name to appear on the
membership list that will soon be posted on the website.

***

Hotel Rooms - Booking Online and by Phone Now Available
The online booking system of the Tempe Mission Palms is ready to
handle booking reservations for the convention at
http://www.missionpalms.com.

Once you get to the Reservations page, use the group booking code of
2TC4Y9. If the box for the group code is not visible, click on the
"+" next to "Enter Rate Access Code". Please note that the room rate
of $128.75 shown is the room rate of $119 per night plus the
Hospitality Fee of $9.75. When you select your choice of dates and
the total cost of the room is shown, the line indicating an extra
cost for "Fees" should be ignored since it will be subtracted from
the total cost of the room. The "Fees" line is something that they
cannot disable on their site, but it will not be added to your bill
during the convention. You can also call their reservations line at
1-800-547-8705 or call them directly at 480-894-1400. If you have a
question about booking a hotel room, please contact Mike Willmoth,
our Hotel Liaison, at hotel@....

***

Convention Promotions
Convention Flyers - We've been sending out flyers each week to the
various science fiction and fantasy conventions happening across the
country. If you're planning on attending a local convention and
want to help make sure our flyers get effectively displayed on the
convention's freebie table, please email us at
volunteer@.... From experience, I've learned it's better to
send them to someone who can make sure they get onto the freebie
table, so your help would be appreciated. We also have PDFs of the
flyer and some business cards available to download at
http://www.nadwcon.org if you want to help spread the word at other
events or bookstores.

WorldCon Promotion -  We're looking into hosting a promotional
party or event of some sort at this year's WorldCon, Denvention 3,
August 6-10 in Denver, Colorado. We're looking for people to help
out with the party and staff our fan table, so please email us at
volunteer@... if you're planning to attend and you'd be
interested in getting involved. Details on the convention can be
found at http://www.denvention3.org.

Badge Ribbons – We'll be doing a series of badge ribbons to
promote the convention, the first ones of which will be handed out
at the Gallifrey One Doctor Who convention in Los Angeles this
weekend by me with Esther Friesner having some to hand out at the
Boskone convention in Boston. For more details on Gallifrey One,
visit www.gallifreyone.com

Boskone is at www.boskone.org .

***

Seamstress Guild Party Planning
Here's the scoop on one of the special events in the works for the
convention as it appeared in the January 2008 issue of WOSSNAME
[Ed. note: and is appearing here again!]

Do you fancy becoming in involved in a Seamstress Party?

In 2002, the American Seamstress Guild threw a notorious party for
Terry Pratchett at WorldCon in San Jose. At Terry's request, the
Seamstress Guild will be throwing another party for Himself at the
first ever North American Discworld Convention in 2009.

Anyone who would like to be involved is welcome at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/seamstressguild/

The Seamstress Guild will begin working on the event this year.

For further information, contact Denise Connell via email:
shewho13@...

***

Signings at the Convention
As you may know, Terry's health is not quite what it used to be.
Although he is currently doing very well, he probably shouldn't do
the sort of multiple marathon signings he has done in the past. We
still plan to have signings at the convention, but they will be
limited in nature. These limitations will be determined closer to
the convention, but shopping trolleys full of books will definitely
be Right Out. Keep in mind that you'll have opportunities to
interact with Terry in many ways besides in a signing line.

***

Guests and Programming
With the holidays behind us, we're in the process of arranging for
some additional guests and beginning to plan more of the convention
activities and events, so keep watching for updates. Remember, our
message boards are up and running at http://www.nadwcon.org. Please
join in and let us know what you'd like to see and do at the
convention. We want your ideas!

Only 569 days to go until the convention,

Lee Whiteside
Chair, North American Discworld Convention 2009

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

15) MASKERADE IN HORSHAM

Maskerade will be performed on stage by Manor Theatre Horsham at
Billingshurst Village Hall (West Sussex) on Friday 25th and Saturday
26th April 2008 at 7.30pm nightly. Tickets are priced at £8/£6.

The Manor company has previously performed Wyrd Sisters, in 2007.

See http://www.manortheatrehorsham.co.uk for further details.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

16) WYRD SISTERS AT HENLEY: A REMINDER

The Henley Players are performing 'Wyrd Sisters' at the Kenton
Theatre in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire RG9 1BT, between Tuesday
25th to Saturday 29th March at 7.45pm with a 3pm Saturday matinee.

For further details, please see the Kenton Theatre website:

http://www.kentontheatre.co.uk/Mar08.html


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

17) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REMINDER

Rosebud Astral Theatre Society (Mornington Peninsula, south of
Melbourne) will present a performance of Stephen Briggs' adaptation
of Mort, directed by Damian Perry, in early March from the 6th until
the 16th - 8 shows over two weeks from Thursday to Sunday.

Website: http://www.astral.org.au
and http://www.astral.org.au/mort/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

18) DISCBLOGGERY: REVIEW OF PTERRY AT THE BATH LITERATURE FESTIVAL

"It was a highly enjoyable evening all in all, it was the first time
I had heard Terry speak at length and he was as brilliant and funny
as you would expect him to be. I also very much enjoyed being
amongst such a large gathering of Discworld fans. I don't usually
attend fan events, more by accident than design, but in future I may
try to get to some."

For the full review, go to:

http://filmknitter.typepad.com/filmknitter/2008/02/terry-pratchett.
html

or http://tinyurl.com/3dlx8q

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

19) BACK PAGES: PTERRY IN DEATH RAY MAGAZINE

We've been told that there was an excellent and extensive in-depth
Pterry interview in Issue 8 (how appropriate) of Death Ray, the
science fiction magazine. Unfortunately this may no longer be
available at newsagents, but Death Ray's website makes it worth
tracking down:

"You know how long and in-depth the Death Ray interviews normally
get, right? Well, this one's a doozy – Terry talks Discworld,
Dungeons & Dragons, what The Colour of Magic is like as a TV movie,
and way more, all in his inimitable style. Plus, we pick the best
eight Pratchett books – and no, they're not all Discworld!"

Back issues of Death Ray, if still in stock, can be purchased online
via its publisher, Blackfish, at £4.99 per issue including postage:

http://www.blackfishpublishing.com/content/view/49/1/

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - FEBRUARY 2008 -- PART 3 OF 5 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 3 - BITS, BOBS AND THE RETURN OF WEIRD ALICE

20) QUIRM AND GENUA: A READER'S THOUGHTS
21) RUN RINCEWIND RUN
22) IMAGE OF THE MONTH
23) EAR TO THE SCREEN: ALT.BOOKS.PRATCHETT
24) AROUND THE B.U. CAMPUS
25) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

20) QUIRM AND GENUA: A READER'S THOUGHTS

The question was asked:
Is there a connection between Quirm and Genua? - even though both
places seem to use Morporkian as their lingua franca...?

Andy of DC suggests:

There are no exact Roundworld analogues/analogs for either of these
Discworld cities, nor for Klatch. In thinking up these places,
Terry Pratchett was more inventive and less consistent than the
comments above [Ed. note: January 2008 issue] would suggest.

Yes, Genua in "Witches Abroad" shows some notable similarities to
New Orleans. But in the history of Earth, the actual New Orleans
never had feudal nobles, much less a ruling duke, so go figure.

Also the name "Genua" is obviously close to "Genoa," which in
Roundworld terms was sometimes an independent city, but in ancient
times was part of the Roman Empire {cf the ancient Ankh-Morporkian
empire), and in some eras came under French influence. Also, Genua
in Discworld parlance is located on the Circle Sea -- the
Mediterranean, no? -- whereas in Roundworld parlance, New Orleans
isn't. Finally, Genua in "Masquerade" is a big town for opera, which
makes it sound more Italian in culture than New Orleans ever was.
QED: Terry created Genua as a composite entity, not just a knock-off
of New Orleans.

Similarly with Quirm, although I don't think Quirm is central enough
to any Discworld novel for anybody to tell for sure. However,
Quirm's most famous son, Leonard of Quirm, clearly is patterned
after the historic Leonardo de Vinci, who spent much of his career
as a military engineer for the ruthless Duke Ludovic Sforza of
Milan. So we can't just map Quirm onto the French town of
Roquefort and have done with it; Quirm shows some Italian features
as well.

As for Klatch, in some books it does resemble Algeria, but we also
learn in Soul Music and Jingo that the fearsome D'regs inhabit the
border regions of the Klatchian Empire, and it seems to me that the
D'regs resemble nothing so much, in British Imperial history, as the
Pashtuns or Pathans of the border regions between Afghanistan and
modern Pakistan.

Historically, the Pushtus/Pathans were a persistent pain to British
Empire; they also were renowned as brave warriors who raided
caravans, and they had a reputation both for gallant generosity and
ruthless cruelty. The various border tribes that the French may have
encountered in Algeria don't match the Pathan/Pushtun reputation,
which suggests the Pushtuns were the model for the D'regs. This
makes Klatch partly Asian in character.

Another clue that Terry's invention of Klatch was partly inspired by
South Asia, and not ONLY by Muslim Africa, is provided by the nature
of Klatchian food. Sold in take-away restaurants in Ankh-Morpork
(see Mort, Soul Music and Jingo), the primary Klatchian dish
apparently consists of curry -- a dish of the Indian subcontinent,
not North Africa.

Also, the erotic religious bas-reliefs of the Klatchian palace the
"Rhoxie," as mentioned in Sourcery, are far more in keeping with
the erotic religious art of the Indian subcontinent than anything
found in Muslim North Africa. Similarly with the wine sold in the
caravanserai in Jingo, which wouldn't be a legal drink in a Muslim
society, although it might be in Hindu-dominated or British-
dominated India.

On the other hand, the Oriental poetry that the Emperor Creosote
tries to write in Sourcery, (which partly takes place in Klatch),
is mostly taken from Edward Fitzgerald's translation of the Rubaiyat
of Omar Khayyam, a medieval Persian poet. Some of Creosote's inept
verses also resemble rather moving verses in the Song of Songs,
the great Hebrew erotic poem that the King James Bible attributes
to the Jewish King Solomon. And Creosote, simply by being "rich as
Creosote," has a name redolent of the ancient King Croesus of Lydia,
a vanished kingdom of Asia Minor.

So Klatch as described in the Discworld books takes some of its
features from Muslim North Africa, some from pre-Byzantine Anatolia,
some from British India, some from Sassanid Persia, and some from
ancient Israel and Judah. It is a place to be found only in Terry
Pratchett's marvellous and marvellously eclectic imagination, not on
any Roundworld map.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

21) RUN RINCEWIND RUN

Run Rincewind Run, the now legendary Rincewind film that was shown
at the AusCon complete with Terry Pratchett performing Deformed
Rabbit, can be seen at

http://www.snowgumfilms.com/runrincewindrun/film.html

It's...amusing...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

22) IMAGE OF THE MONTH: SILLY BURGERS

http://tinyurl.com/2mvs2z

WOSSNAME reader John Brassil took a photo of an amusingly relevant
burger stand in Austin, Texas. "I didn't get a chance to go in," he
says, "but I will be back in March and I plan to see if they have
Rat Onna Stick or Sausage-Inna-Bun!" We await reports, John!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

23) FROM ALT.BOOKS.PRATCHETT

a) RECURSION 'R' US

TOPIC: How cool is this? WOSSNAME appearance!
We only went and made this months WOSSNAME newsletter!

"10) WHATEVER BECAME OF THE TROLL BRIDGE MOVIE?
Some speculations from alt.books.pratchett: (etc.)"

-- Ray

[Ed. note: Get used to it, Ray. Big WOSSer is watching you! Heh.]

***

b) AUDIO KILLED THE PROOFREADING STAR?

So I was listening to Night Watch on audio, and the after scene
where Vimes is talking to Madame Vetinari is revealed to be
standing in the room. In the book he says that Keel would have seen
him had he just been more aware (or something to that effect). But
in the audio version V. says Vimes instead of Keel... Have anybody
noticed this? And is it in every version of the audio.

It kind of made me laugh. I mean Vetinari has always been uncanny in
his way of knowing just one extra fact, but this was just great. I
never knew he was that cool, to be able to see into the future. :)

-- Rasmus

Good question (I don't get the audio copies). I hope somebody has
fixed it by now; with so much being done on computer, it shouldn't
be too expensive to do (unlike a similar fix for print errors, which
is apparently so expensive that only the most disastrous ones are
changed - including that one).

That error was in the American pre-release review copy (one of the
few that I've seen). It was corrected in the official American
first print edition.

So that means the audio versions are made from the review copies
in order to be can be released at the same time as the printed
books. I wonder whether all the audio versions are from the
review copies, and how many times changes have been made at
that late point in the process.

"Vetinari has always been uncanny in his way of knowing just one
extra fact, but this was just great. I never knew he was that cool,
to be able to see into the future." -- It might have been, but I
think it would have screwed up the story for him to know that much
in advance. He doesn't put it all together (if he ever really does)
until the end of NW.

-- Tamar

He admits as much:
[Vimes] "You knew? You bloody well knew, didn't you?"
"Not until, oh, one second ago," said Vetinari.

Of course, he may have been lying.

That raises an interesting question - have we ever caught Vetinari in
a lie? Half-truths and misdirection, perhaps, but I can't recall an
occasion where he actually lies. I suppose it would make the game too
simple.

-- Doug

It would certainly screw up the story. It's just really funny that
an error changes the premises for the story. I'm just glad I've
read the book enough times to spot it. And I think he puts it
together. I just think he understands, like Lawn eventually does,
that memory is a tricky thing and not always a good thing to comment
upon.

-- Rasmus

I'm not sure about the earliest books, but the schedule of the newer
books (going on half-remembered comments from Stephen about as-yet-
unreleased books, and backed up by a guess about the relative
release times) definitely seems to deal with the recording more or
less alongside the final run-up to actual shop-release, which would
slightly pre-date any such "oopsies" that they get caught only
through the efforts of the reading community.

-- Len

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

24) AROUND THE BU CAMPUS

After our recent feature on the marvellously revivified Bugarup
University Roundworld -- http://groups.yahoo.com/group -- several
new members joined ("I read about it in WOSSNAME"), and the cheerful
madness continues. Newbie New Bruce, who wasn't a Bruce at all but
took a new name to avoid confusion, was moved to make the following
comment in a discussion thread:

"The number of messages in January was 666. That's what happens when
you have a discussion on the casting of Good Omens :)"

If you love Pterry's works and fancy having fun with vampire
werepenguins, loony Technomancers, Weather Goddesses and the
occasional werewolf librarian, come on down! There's always a place
for new students in Room 3b...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

25) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

Post 9. TALES OF THE VERY UNEXPECTED

First Clog: "In another other country"

So, I got married. And I'm a grandmother.

Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are. But I've had years to get used
to it. Years and years and years. And even though I have a chance to
live my life over again now, I'm not the same person I might have
been. The future is going to be interesting this time... again...

It's a long story. Fifty years long, in fact. When Cert said I'd
been "trapped in an alternate Quirm for weeks", it had already been
several years for me!

It started when I woke up just before dawn in the middle of the
famous Floral Clock of Quirm. The last I knew I'd been looking for
Cert when we got separated after getting lost on the road from Sum
Dim and ending up in progressively weirder gnarly ground left over
from the ancient Mage Wars. One moment strange creepy trees and
sudden dark mist, the next lying on a bed of Scarlet Cockcrow that
tickled because the flowers were trying to open under me. The area
was deserted, so I crawled out of the clock -- with the sort of
headache you get after a night of scumble -- and took stock of my
surroundings. I was sure that it was Quirm, because I've seen
iconographs of it and the buildings had that quaint but boring look
that you'd expect in what's famous for being a quaint but boring
city-state (also, the floral clock was something of a giveaway), but
I had no idea *why* it was Quirm. Agatea to Quirm is a lot of miles
and I'm pretty sure B.S. Johnson never visited Sum Dim. Still, there
wasn't much I could do about it, so I had a wander around to check
out the town before people started waking up. Mostly, I was looking
for a cafe; Quirm is famous for its open-air cafes, and it had been
a long time and a lot of geography since I'd last eaten. A number of
premises had something odd on their signs: RPI LICENCED or RPI
APPROVED (in Quirmish, but I can speak that). I wondered what it
meant, but thought no more of it because I had other things on my
mind...

When the first cafe opened, I ordered breakfast -- and got my first
surprise. I had to pay in advance! After all I'd heard about Quirm's
boring politeness and toleration of tourism, this was unexpected. I
still had a half-rhinu on me though, so that was no problem...except
that it was. I got very suspicious looks from the landlord, *very*
suspicious looks, and ended up having to spin a tale about it being
an old family heirloom I'd taken for luck on my travels. He wasn't
happy about the word "travels", either, but he took my money and
gave me fairly generous change based on it being made of "or". The
food was uninspired, not that I cared at this point, and afterwards
I decided to go around the inns when they opened, looking for a gig,
and to look for a Clacks office so I could send word to
Bhangbhangduc in case Cert had made it there. This was where I got
my second surprise. Set of surprises. The Clacks office was the
first to open -- and they asked me for identification! You can
imagine my surprise. The only place I've ever known that goes in for
personal identification papers is the Agatean Empire, and these days
there's not even much of that. I made another excuse about having
left it at my hotel, got more suspicious looks, and left in a hurry
to regroup.

Things got stranger after that.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3, continued on Part 4 of 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - FEBRUARY 2008 -- PART 4 OF 5 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 4 - THE RETURN OF WEIRD ALICE, CONTINUED

25a) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC Pt 2

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

25a) WEIRD ALICE, LOST IN SOME QUIRM OR OTHER

Going on the plan of get gig first, then find lute to gig with, I
stopped at the first likely inn. It was called The Pride of
Oolskunrahod, which also rang no bells with me - all I knew of
Oolskunrahod was that it was some tiny place in the Hubland
mountains, not too far from the foothills of Cori Celesti and
neither remarkable in any way or known to possess anything to be
proud of. The place was empty, even for that hour, and the landlord
was waving a cloth unenthusiastically around the bar top. The
conversation went something like this:

Me: Looking for a gig. I play the lute and sing. All kinds of songs,
especially comical ones.
Him: Are you in the Trade, then? You don't look like you're in the
Trade.
Me: The Musicians' Guild? Of course. I'm a licenced Bard!
Him (with shocked look): Shh! You know that word's forbidden! If
you're in the Trade, where's your official robes and lightning bolt?
Me (puzzled but getting worried about the uppercase T in Trade): Um,
I left it in my other dress? I'm just looking for a little work to
pay my passage to Ankh-Morpork...
Him (with even more shocked and very suspicious look): Pourquoi? Why
d'you want to go there? Nothing there for decent folk. Here, you're
not one of them Porkians now, are you? The Watch is very interested
in-

I beat an even hastier retreat than I had from the Clacks office,
and retired to a quiet park to think. Of course there's nothing in
A-M for decent folk -- that's half its appeal -- but what were
Porkians? And why did I need official robes and a lightning bolt
(whatever that meant) to play music? And what was RPI? And where
were all the tourists? After thinking for a while and getting
nowhere much, I found the local library and spent the afternoon
reading history books.

That was when I started to get very, very worried. I'd never known
Quirm as such, but this wasn't the Quirm I'd never known. In fact,
this wasn't the *world* I knew! Everything looked and sounded pretty
much the same, same flora and fauna, same sky, same bone-deep
knowledge that this was my own world and that Great A'Tuin was
swimming along cosmically somewhere far below us, but something was
deeply, disturbingly different. I came to the horrible inescapable
conclusion that some hole in the multiverse, deep in that gnarly
ground, had opened up and thrown me into an alternate Disc. Here was
the bad news, in short: the continent of my birth was under the yoke
of a mad theocratic dictatorship that had never existed on *my*
Disc.

There, back in my own reality, Oolskunrahod was and still is an
unregarded dot on our Mapps; here, it's the once-unregarded dot that
gave birth to a warlike theocracy with grand dreams of empire that
came true when the RPI, otherwise known as the Republic of the
Provenance of Io, took its proximity to Dunmanifestin seriously and
declared Ionism the One True Religion and came boiling out of the
Hubland wastes with bad theology and bad food and fanatical armies
that conquered pretty much everything they could reach. I was
currently in the Satrapy of Quirm, and Ankh-Morpork wasn't the
great, teeming, throbbing hub of international commerce and
culture...no, it was mostly a smoking ruin, home to downtrodden
peasantry (all right, not much change there, but the downtrodden
peasantry of *my* A-M aren't living under armed guard and taken away
to unspeakable prison camps for the least excuse) and not a lot else
apart from a small and eternally endangered anti-RPI revolutionary
movement known as the Porkians.

I was a long way from home, in a foreign country in a foreign
universe and barred from my normal means of making a living. And it
was obvious that there was only one thing for me to do. I was going
to have to contact the Underground.

Memories are making me thirsty, so here endeth this post.

***

Second Clog: "Going underground"

It took me a long time to accept that what was happening was real
and not a bad dream that I'd wake up from any time now (then?). Even
many years later, in over-there time, I'd wake up sure I was in my
own bed in Lost Wages after a good session at The Sore Loser, and
then face the day with a quiet scream when I realised that Lost
Wages *here* had long since been flattened by the RPI and replaced
with Ionist temples and OolsTacky Fried Albatross franchises...

Anyway, I got on with it and soon found a small circle of Porkian
sympathisers who kitted me up with local money and identity papers
(Allys ap Gwynwynllyth from the least populated part of Llamedos, a
general drudge and not a Bard at alll) and got me a job in the
kitchen of an inn where the owner was happy to look the other way
every time certain small groups met in his cellar. And they also
found me a sympathetic wizard. I'd long since realised that there
was no point trying to use the Clacks because there was no-one to
receive any messages apart from RPI Security Provosts, but
Marquescal le Wizarde experimented on my behalf, tinkering with
necromancy spells in the hope that I could somehow contact "my"
young wizard in my own universe. We tried every week for years
before I gave up. At least I know that a couple of messages got
through! But since I knew of no way to get back, eventually I
stopped trying to communicate.

The world I was apparently going to have to spend the rest of my
life in was a drearier place than my own familiar one, but it could
have been worse. At least Other Quirm, as I thought of it, was
mostly as boring as Real Quirm. The Dowager Duchess had given in to
the invaders very politely and converted the country to Ionism, so
there were almost none of the burnings and executions and
destruction that marked the fall of most other nations. Quirmians,
for the most part, took to all the new regulations with good grace.
They never were much for travelling anyway, so they carried on with
their winemaking and their cheesemaking and their other rural
pursuits. They even accepted the dreadful Fried Albatross franchises
without too much complaint -- OFA meals being compulsory by law
after Octeday temple services -- although hardly anyone buys from
there when they're not forced to.

I stayed out of trouble; being in another reality was trouble
enough. I never stopped writing songs though, and I would practise
and play on a borrowed contraband lute down in the cellars of the
inn. Then after a few years, new Porkian agitators started to arrive
under cover of night, and trouble found me anyway.

***

I'd like to say that the next fifty or so years passed quickly, but
they didn't. I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow description
here though, not least because I've got a life to live over again
and I want to get back to it! So here's the short form:

There was a rebellion. I was part of it. It took over twenty years,
but we won. Somewhere, in a faraway universe, I'm a Hero of the
Revolution. Isn't that nice?

And the slightly less short form:

One thing led to another, and I became a protest singer. And slogan
writer. And sometime agitator. And sometime field operative. And
ended up on the run, hiding in haystacks, travelling by night,
living off the land and on what we could scrounge from sympathetic
farmers...which was mostly cheese.Don't talk to me about cheese! It
will be a while before I can look a Lancre Runny in the face again,
and as for Quirmian cheeses...let's just not go there. There's only
so much cheese one person can bear, and I've had a lifetime's worth.
Literally.

When the Famous Five (don't ask) went on their suicide mission to
the Hub to assassinate the mad Priest-President of the Republic of
the Provenance of Io, my songs were on their lips. I got a medal for
that -- one of the first struck in the rebuilt foundries of New
Ankh.

Protest songs being big among the Porkian cadres, I'm proud to say
that some of mine became quietly famous during my years there.
Here's one of their favourites. I based it on a well-known and well-
hated Music with Rocks In song from my own world. The lyrics are a
kind of code: when you sing them backwards, they contain dangerous
revolutionary messages. Yay me.

PATHWAY TO PARADISE...NOT

There's a lady who's sure all that Dwarfs love is gold
And she's buying a small farm in Hergen
And when she gets there she knows
That some bits are no-go
Like the Wyrmberg and fabled Chimeria

Oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a small farm in Hergen

There's a sign on the wall but she's not very tall
And she knows Quirmish thrives on misreadings
On a skull by a book there's a bird with black wings
Sometimes all Deaths of Rats need a raven

Woohhh oh oh oh
And she's trying a cafe in Hergen

There's a feeling of skank when you walk on the Ankh
And your sinuses cry out for freedom
In my thoughts I have seen shades of pure octarine
And the vices of Nanny Ogg's cooking

Woe woe, oh oh ohh
And she's frying a moray in Hergen

And it's whispered that soon
(Say, in Ick, Grune or Spune)
That the rat-piper plays until Hogswatch
And a new day brings crones, and shy standing-stones
And the forest will echo with small gods

And they make some blunders
Oh, and they'll make some blunders

If there's a scuffle in your hedgerow
Don't call the Watch, now
It's just a wizard on a spring-clean
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But take the long one:
You'll avoid uncharted unicorns

And you won't get sundered
Oh, and you won't get sundered

Your head is thumping and it might blow
In case you don't know -
That's what you get for scumble-bingeing
Weird Lords and Ladies love the cold snow
And you should know:
Don't *think* of kissing the Wintersmith!

Oh oh, cold snow...

And as you wind on down the track
Procrastinator on your back
There walks a Duck Man, going 'quack'
Who begs all night and wants to know
Why mud's still tastier than gold
And if you lie still, patiently
Tooth Fairy comes with 50p
When all are Dwarfs, and you've got hole
"To be a rock" means you're a Troll...

...and she's buying a small claim in Hergen...

***

Pubs are open! Back soon.

***

Third Clog: "Bringing it all back home"

Right, this will be even shorter, because I'm getting emotional.
Also tired and emotional. Fifty years is a lot of living, and it's
going to take me a long, long time to write it all down. It's fading
anyhow, becoming more like a dream, and perhaps that's as it should
be...

After the assassination, things started to get more normal, for my
own version of normal at any rate. I settled down, married a fellow
revolutionary, and yes, we did buy that farm in Hergen. I went back
to working as a Bard, in between having our daughters and mucking
out our pigs, and I never ate cheese again. And that was that. No
more excitement, no more travel to distant lands. I could have gone
back to Lancre but it wouldn't have felt right, and that had never
been my own Lancre. Some people can go home again, despite what they
say, but I wasn't one of them.

And now I have my life back. In the body I left. Which is the same
age as it was when I left it. Strangely enough, I'm not sure if I
want to go home -- now that I have a home to go to again -- or
continue on my Grand Sneer. Cert's being very good and very patient
with me, and he says that he's happy with whatever I decide, though
he'd like to visit *his* child in Bes Pelargic some day.

We're going to toss a coin. I won't be dedicating the toss to Io.

Here endeth this post, too.

***

So, how did I get back after all that? Simple. I died.

No, I don't understand it either.

It's good to be back.

-- Alice


Note for Roundworlders: the original lyrics for Stairway to Heaven
can be found at:

http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/song/19123.html

...not that they make any more sense than Alice's...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 4, continued on Part 5 of 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME - FEBRUARY 2008 -- PART 5 OF 5 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 4 - HOROSCOPE, AND CLOSE

26) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
27) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

26) THE NEW DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE

by Fernando Magnifico

Hallo, my friends! It is I, Fernando, here to be your astrologer
today. The Lady Asterisk has come down with an attack of the daisies
and cannot work, but Fernando is always ready to help!

When Fernando first came to Ankh-Morpork from Brindisi, he was
overwhelmed by the magnificence of such a great city and by the
bellissimo parade of different cultures; the foods, the
entertainments, the fashions, arts and people. Especially the lady
people. Now Fernando is only whelmed, but there is always something
new to experience, and Fernando is nothing if not ready to be
experienced. Fernando believes that all persons should experience as
much as possible and learn to become an "all-rounder", as they say
here, and I, Fernando, am now an all-rounder, though certainly not
as all round as the famous Enrico Basilico.

The best way to become experienced is to follow your stars, for they
point the way to a lifetime of new ideas. So come with Fernando now,
my friends, and let him show you the way to a life of excitement.
Ciao bella!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Adamant Hedgehog  21 Mar - 20 Apr

This month is a good month for Hoggers and cats. Fernando loves all
animals, except for pineapples ever since his belovered Uncle Nino
(mayherestinnapeace) was killed by a stampede of pineapples, but he
especially loves cats. Tiny little kittens, big fat smelly toms,
fluffy white cats, old dribbling pussies, even that cat with the big
boots that lives at number 7 The Backs. So Fernando is very pleased
that the stars say that this month is good for Hoggers to be kind to
cats. Here, pussy, pussy! Fernando waits for you!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips  21 Apr - 21 May

Gahooligans, if you have every wanted to try extreme sports, this is
the most excellent month to start! The stars say that you will be
successful at Rimseiling, which is like the abseiling only wetter,
but just as good for your abs, so now is the time to book your
passage to the island of Zark, near distant Farferee. The island
overhangs the Rim, and is home to giants and enormous rodents with
big feet. The natives race each other to climb down the Rim as fast
as possible. The bravest, fastest Rimseilers go all the way to the
bottom of the Rim, and carve their initials into the underside of
the Disc. Fernando predicts that you Gahooligans will carve many
notches there, just as Fernando has carved many notches elsewhere.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Herne the Hunted  22 May - 21 Jun

Hernians, are you bored of your homes? Does your wallpaper not
excite you in the way that Fernando excites your imaginations? If
so, this is a good month for you to consider interior decorating.
The stars tell Fernando that this is a good time to consider
rearranging the furniture, changing the carpets, repainting the
walls, and replacing the entire kitchen. And if that sounds like
too much work, Fernando has a cousin who can do this for you, best
quality materials very cheap.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Wizard's Staff and Knob  22 Jun - 22 Jul

For you Staffies, the stars say that this is the month to test your
mettle and find out what you are made of. Armed with nothing but a
chair, a whip, and your courage, are you brave enough to practice
the art of parrot-taming? Fernando has studied under the great
parrot-tamers. Fernando's life has been filled with great days, but
the greatest day of all was the day Fernando entered the cage with
neither chair nor whip. If you can face down a cage full of
Fourecksian galahs and Hubland Blues, then you can face anything,
even creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions, or the Mrs Whitlow.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Bilious, God of Hangovers  23 Jul - 23 Aug

Sometimes the stars' advice is subtle and surprising, like Fernando.
But for Bilians, this month is not one of those times, for this
month, the stars say "Wine!". Fernando is not one for sarcasm, but
if he was, he would say "Bilians drinking wine? Who would have
guessed?" So if you have been a beer or ale drinker, now would be
the month to move up the social ladder by drinking wine. Fernando
recommends a good Brindisian red, especially a '95 from Snarkinia.
Avoid Fourecksian table wines, for no aftershave is strong enough to
cover their smell, not even Fernando's.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Mubbo the Hyena  24 Aug - 23 Sept

As the delightful Signora Cosmopilite says, "What goes around comes
around", and this is a good month for Mubboons to listen to her
wisdom. The stars say that this is a good month for charitable
works, so you should drop a few pennies in the next beggar's bowl
you pass, or hand on a few of your less-badly worn old clothes to
The Spiteful Sisters of Sek's House of Widows and Orphans. Fernando
is always generous to those less fortunate than he, because anybody
who is not Fernando is less fortunate, and Fernando's reward is to
be fortunate to be Fernando! If you are generous with your
charitable works, you too will surely  benefit from the generosity
and charity of others -- perhaps you will even be fortunate enough
to be visited by Fernando.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars  24 Sept - 23 Oct

Boring'uns, this is a month for cheese! Fernando enjoys strong
cheese, like a Brindisi aged Parmigiana or a Lancre Blue, but not
the awful tasteless things those cursed Quirmians make, may their
footsballers get eaten by sheep. Boring'uns may prefer a bland Chalk
Cheddar, or if you are feeling especially brave, a Zlobenian Mild
farmhouse, but whatever cheese you prefer, this is the month for
eating lots of it. Fernando recommends you also include figs, so you
will not be frightened by your bottom.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Androgyna Majestis  24 Oct - 22 Nov

Andies are famous for their parties. Mme Cupidor once held a garden
party which went on for forty-three days, and fellow Andie Mme
Hania, whose custard-and-jelly parties were the scandal of Olde Ankh
society, lost favour with the king when three generals and two
foreign ambassadors drowned in a vat of custard. Fernando prefers an
intimate little tat-o-tat for three, but whatever sort of party you
prefer, the stars say this is the month to party hard. After your
festival of retribution last month, that Fernando so accurately
predicted, you will have to spend less on party invitations, but now
you really do know who your friends are.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Great T'Phon's Foot  23 Nov - 21 Dec

The stars say that this is a good month for Footies to cultivate the
finer artistic sensibilities by taking up one of the fine arts.
Fernando also has a sensitive, artistic side, and he can often be
found helping the young signorinas and signores practice their art.
Fernando is available to model for painters and sculptors, and has
his own ferret and fig-leaf. Have I mentioned this before? It is a
very impressive fig-leaf.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Hoki the Jokester  22 Dec - 20 Jan

This month is a good month for Hokians to read books. Books contain
much that is very educational, and as a young boy Fernando learned
many wonderful things from Lady Venturi's "Travels In The Dark
Hinterland". But Fernando understands that not everybody has been
fortunate enough to have a good education like Fernando, whose
sainted mamma scrubbed floors and worked her fingers to the bone to
send him to school so he could learn his letters and become the
great astrologer you see before you now. For those who can, this is
a good month for reading, and for those who cannot, there is always
"130 Days of Pseudopolis", with its wonderful and very educational
illustrations.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The Rather Large Gazunda  21 Jan - 18 Feb

Sometimes the stars predict unpleasantness, and for Gazundians, this
month will contain unpleasantness in the form of burglary. Fernando
does not condone the breaking and entering, unless you are fully
licenced by the Thieves' Guild, so we shall not speak of how you
might commit that burglary yourself. Gazundians who are not
themselves burglars should consider buying better locks or getting a
watch dog or dragon, or making sure they are fully paid up with the
Guild.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lesser Umbrage  19 Feb - 20 Mar

This month, Umbragians should get out into the fresh air for the
stars have said that the signs are good for animal husbandry.
Fernando is now the expert Morporkian speaker, but when he was
still learning the language, he thought animal husbandry meant the
sort of the behaviour that back in Brindisi only happens in the
more isolated villages. But do not worry, Umbragians, the stars are
talking about herding the beasts. If you are born under the sign of
the Lesser Umbrage, this is a good month for herding camels,
shearing sheep, or wrangling horses. But do not make the attempt at
the herding of cats. Fernando says, leave that to the Hoggers.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

27) AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM HER

And there you have it. Plenty of new Pratchett action in a number of
delectable forms, some terrific conventions shaping up for this year
and the next, and more news and views than we've ever managed to fit
in before! Have a great month, and don't forget to decorate your
Soul Cake eggs!

See you next month, and I'm serious about Stan Lee's phone number...

-- Annie Mac

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 5.
If you did not get all five parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

TERRY ON TELLY -- TIMES TWO!

A SPECIAL WOSSNAME ANNOUNCEMENT FOR UK VIEWERS AND OTHER INTERESTED
PARTIES

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) THE WORLDS OF FANTASY ON BBC 4, FEATURING TERRY PRATCHETT

BBC 4 presents Through the Looking Glass, the final segment of its
current three-part series The Worlds of Fantasy, on Wednesday 12th
March 2008 at 9pm -- in other words, this coming Wednesday.

According to BBC 4's website, the programme will be "looking at how
in the last ten years, fantasy has been one of the biggest forces in
popular culture, across all media from books to interactive computer
games. Terry Pratchett explains the allure of Tolkien's Lord Of The
Rings, and Michael Moorcock explains how Fantasy was influenced by
60s drugs culture and was part of underground cultures way of
looking at the world."

Also contributing to this hour-long programme are "Neil Gaiman,
China Mieville, Michael Moorcock, Phillip Pullman, Lemmy and a host
of fantasy fans."

DigiGuide's synopsis claims that the programme "tells how, in the
last ten years, fantasy has been one of the biggest forces in
popular culture, conquering every media from books to interactive
computer games. It also asks whether fantasy is pure escapism or if
it has always been another, more sophisticated way of reflecting the
world, while exploring the work of one of the giants of the genre,
Terry Pratchett."

Through the Looking Glass will re-air at midnight on the 12th and at
02.30 on Thursday the 13th.

The BBC's iPlayer site will apparently have this programme available
for watching and downloads for the week following -- assuming, of
course, you live in a region that can receive BBC broadcasts!

from sources including http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) THE COLOUR OF MAGIC: AIRING ON SKY FOR EASTER!

For those of us who couldn't attend the special premiere of The
Colour of Magic last week, the good news is that it will definitely
be broadcast on Sky TV over Easter!

The Mob Films' adaptation of The Colour of Magic/The Light Fantastic
will be shown in two parts: on Easter Sunday, 23rd March, and Easter
Monday, 24th March.

At the moment, exact broadcast times are yet to be confirmed, but
the showings will be between 7pm and 9pm each of the two nights.
Don't forget to check your programme guide nearer to the broadcast
dates, and make sure your Omniscopes are in good working order and
that you have plenty of banged grains and other suitable
refreshments ready!

In the meantime, The Colour of Magic's Facebook page can be found at

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Colour-Of-Magic/12756710265?ref=mf

Facebook also offers a special behind-the-scenes showing of the
making of The Colour of Magic which, we hear, will be shown on Sky
ONE on Sunday 16th March between 4:30pm and 5:30pm. Viewers can sign
up at:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=8970633346&ref=share

MySpace, not to be left out, also has a Colour of Magic page, with
various related special features, at:

http://www.myspace.com/magiconskyone


I'm excited, I am!

-- Annie Mac, Editor

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Copyright(c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
MARCH 2008 (Volume 11, Issue 3)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the worldwide
Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, including the North
American Discworld Society and other continental groups. Are you a
member? Yes, if you sent in your name, country and e-mail address.
Are there any dues? No! As a member of the Klatchian Foreign Legion,
you'd only forget them...
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
Editor Emeritus (retd): Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: T.F. (Tiff) Peasey
Staff Writers: Asti Osborn, Paul Blake, Steven D'Aprano
Convention Reporters: Mithtrethth Hania Ogg et al
Staff Technomancer: Jason Parlevliet
Book Reviews: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Puzzle Editor: incognito
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
DW Horoscope: Lady Anaemia Asterisk, Fernando Magnifico
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet, Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano
Copyright 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

------------------------------------------------------------------------

INDEX:

====Part 1 -- ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

1) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
2) LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
3) PTERRY'S DONATION, AND APPEALS TO DISCWORLD FANS
4) IMAGE OF THE MONTH: ONE MAN AND HIS HAT

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS

5) THE COLOUR OF MAGIC PREMIERE AND BROADCAST
6) AND THEY SAW STARS: PTERRY OPENS PLANETARIUM...
7) ...AND PAYS TRIBUTE TO ARTHUR C. CLARKE
8) DWCON UPDATES
9) DISCWORLD CHARACTER PHOTO CONTEST
10) MASKERADE IN LIVERPOOL
11) MAKING MONEY: LIFE IMITATES ART?
12) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REVIEW

====Part 3 -- B.U. NEWS AND WEIRD ALICE AND...STUFF

13) BUGARUP UNIVERSITY CAMPUS NEWSROUND
14) BOOK NEWS: YOUR TO-BUY LIST!
15) THE WEARING OF THE LILAC
16) SCUMBLE FESTIVAL IN FOURECKS
17) TECHNOMANCY CORNER: 'NIGHT WATCH' FOR LINUX USERS
18) THE CLACKS LOG OF WEIRD ALICE LANCREVIC

====Part 4 -- HOROSCOPE, AND CLOSE

19) YOUR MONTHLY DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
20) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) QUOTES OF THE MONTH

"I'm nearly 60 and I've never been nearly 60 before so I'm not sure
if some of the things happening to me are Alzheimer's or getting
older. Nor is anyone else."  -- Terry Pratchett

"Part of me lives in a world of new age remedies and science, and
some of the science is a little like voodoo, but science was never an
exact science, and personally I'd eat the arse out of a dead mole if
it offered a fighting chance."  -- TP (speaking at the Alzheimer's
Research Trust annual conference)

"People ask me why I announced that I had Alzheimer's. My response
was: why shouldn't I? I remember when people died 'of a long
illness'; now we call cancer by its name, and as every wizard knows,
once you have a thing's real name you have the first step to its
taming."  -- ibid

"Even though my sales are huge there must be some people who don't
read me; I'm certain that there are people who can go and visit them,
and help them." -- TP (speaking with tongue firmly in cheek at the
Colour of Magic post-premiere Q&A)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

2) A LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR

Well, now...welcome to the most news-packed issue of WOSSNAME in all
the years I've been associated with this publication! Certainly it's
the most news-packed issue of my editorship, which is rapidly
approaching the end of a full year (good grief). Between Pterry's
marvellous donation to Alzheimer's research and his other activities,
and the premiere of The Colour of Magic on Sky One this previous
weekend, the aether has been positively choked with Pratchett and
Discworld-related wossnames -- and as the wossnames go, so goes the
WOSSNAME.

O Discworld fans, have you put your spare change in for a good cause
yet? In the words of one person I know, "It'd be a nice birthday/25th
anniversary of Discworld gift for Terry if the fans could match his
donation." In addition to *my* spare change, I've put in a lot of
time collecting and checking out various links to all the articles
and interviews out there in Pterryland. So in addition to reading all
the usual news, views and reviews, get your Hex mousies ready to
click, click, click!

I'd like to give special thanks to all the various people who sent in
links and information. Here we go...

-- Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

3) THE ALZHEIMER'S THING: PTERRY'S DONATION, AND WHAT THE REST OF US CAN
DO TO HELP

PTERRY'S SPEECH TO THE ALZHEIMER'S TRUST

There is a 15-minute video clip on the BBC, best found by entering
the search term 'Pratchett' on the BBC website, or by following this
link:

http://tinyurl.com/2cp3t8

Currently it's the third clip in the list in the panel.
Unfortunately, there's no direct link to this, so if the Beeb move
the video's location, you may have to look at bit longer for
"Alzheimer's research donation".

There is also a link to Pterry's exclusive BBC radio appearance, on
the same page; this is currently on the Listen Again online playlist:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/listenagain/ram/today3_0750_200803
13.ram

You can download a transcript of the speech at the Alzheimer's
Research Trust Conference, in .pdf form, here:

http://tinyurl.com/2uggrk

...but you'll miss the informal preamble ("Mankind was designed to
live until we were 28, but we redesigned ourselves...") and thus miss
some of the wonderfully biting Pratchett humour.

********

RECORD AMOUNT OF DONATIONS!

'The charity received donations from as far as the US and Peru, as
well as closer to home, since Pratchett spoke about his battle with
the disease last Thursday. A spokesman said: "Even £1 a month is
fantastic. £12.50 is enough to fund an hour of cutting-edge research
into dementia. The amount we have had is a record for such a short
period of time.'

http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5jAAMv1JBLrG7gATqtfyh77ImEW9g

********

MATCH IT FOR PRATCHETT

For those who didn't already know, sci-fi author Pat Cadigan has
started up a matching-funds donation initiative called "Match It for
Pratchett!"

http://fastfwd.livejournal.com/316828.html

There is now a dedicated "Match it for Pratchett" website:
http://www.matchitforpratchett.org/

However...

*NOTICE: RE MATCH IT FOR PRATCHETT*

(this is from Pterry himself)

"As far as we are concerned this is not official, and if we don't
think its official, it aint. I hate to appear to be in any way
negative about what appears to be very good intentions, but I could
wish that the gentleman concerned had got in touch with us first
before going ahead.

"I have to say there are certain things that worry me about this
project, not because they are in any way fraudulent, but raising and
distributing money for charity can involve rather more problems than
seem apparent at the start – especially in the loveable volatile
world we know as fandom.

"Most of the £13,000 raised since last Thursday has been sent to
the Alzheimer's Research Trust
(https://www.committedgiving.uk.net/art/public/donor.aspx?id=cc)
directly, which at least has the benefit of being straight forward.

"All the best."

from http://www.discworldstamps.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11436


That said, the first item on the matchitforpratchett.org page does
link directly to

https://www.committedgiving.uk.net/art/public/donor.aspx?id=cc

And there are lovely t-shirts for sale. So it's not a bad thing!


********

FROM BOINGBOING TO THE BBC AND BACK...

News of Mr Pratchett's illness, his huge donation to Alzheimer's
research, and the way his millions of fans are reacting and
responding to the call for more funds to investigate and treat
Alzheimer's disease, has spread around Roundworld from low to high,
and the internet is awash with articles and sites and discussions of
this. There are so many links, with so many different modes of
expression, that you'll be spoilt for choice. Here are but a few:

Terry Pratchett's million-dollar wish to give battle against ...
Times Online - UK
"So will there be more Discworld adaptations? 'I shall be 60 next
birthday, so why not have some fun?' he says evenly."

http://tinyurl.com/352ob2

---

Pratchett in $1m donation as he hits out over care for Alzheimer's
Scotsman - UK
Contains a lively comments thread

http://tinyurl.com/368v6p

---

Pratchett funds Alzheimer's study
BBC News - UK
"Rebecca Wood, chief executive of the Alzheimer's Research Trust,
said the trust currently had to turn down two out of every three
research projects due to lack of funds. She said: 'Whilst we were
deeply saddened to learn of Mr Pratchett's diagnosis, we are
delighted that he has chosen to speak out about his experiences with
Alzheimer's disease, to raise awareness about its impact and the
desperate need for more research. Research is the only way to beat
this disease and help people like Terry - to prevent them losing
their thinking skills and keep them doing the things they love.'"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7291315.stm

---

Pratchett gives 5000,000 pounds to Alzheimer's charity
Reuters UK
"Pratchett, who has sold tens of millions of books around the world,
announced in December he has a rare form of the disease. 'Soon after
I told the world, my Web site fell over,' he said. 'I had more than
60,000 messages in the first few hours.'"

http://uk.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUKL1292770120080313

---

An appeal from Cory Doctorow on BoingBoing:
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/03/15/match-it-for-pratche.html
"So whaddaya say, guys? It's a pound. That's about 2 bucks US
dollars, give or take a couple of (US) pennies. You can spare that
much."

---

Luggage auction! The Luggage as seen in tCoM, filled with Discworld
goodies:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=220213825671

Now closed, I'm afraid.

GREAT NEWS: the winning bid was GBP 3,667.42 -- approximately
US$7,271.03)!

---

The articles are flooding in thick and fast that I'm starting to lose
track of what's what, so there may be some duplicates in these lists,
but I've tried to visit each link to check it out for you. Several of
the links contain video/audio interviews.

http://www.itv.com/News/Articles/Pratchett-donates-to-Alzheimers-
work.html
"It's a shock and a shame, then, to find out that money for research
is 3 per cent of that which goes to find cancer cures. Perhaps that
is why, for example, that I know three people who have successfully
survived brain tumours but no-one who has beaten Alzheimer's."

http://skynews.typepad.com/afternoonlive/2008/03/terry-pratchett.
html
"Fantasy author Terry Pratchett chatted to us yesterday..." (with
embedded short video interview)

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/100707.php
"'Fans of the Discworld author should know that the international
drugs industry is already on the case in a major way,' said Dr
Richard Barker, Director General of the ABPI."

http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,2265294,00.html
"His popularity prevents him being seen as one of our great
satirists." An excellent article containing both timely information
and a lot of well-presented biographical stuff, including How Pterry
Met Colin [Smythe] and a succinct bullet-point CV.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2008/03/
16/do1604.xml
"Terry Pratchett, author of Britain's most shoplifted novels..."

http://books.guardian.co.uk/interviews/story/0%2c%2c2266270%2c00.
html
"I'm a typical bloody writer. Maybe all of us have had Alzheimer's
for years without realising it."

http://www.gazetteandherald.co.uk/redir.php?from=ec&to=2088132&l=
terry_pratchett
or http://tinyurl.com/2mpmrd
"I started off feeling so alone and then I began to rattle cages. You
can't be ashamed of an illness."

http://www.theherald.co.uk/news/news/display.var.2119242.0.Pratchett_
donates_500_000_to_help_fight_Alzheimers.php
or http://tinyurl.com/3xpjlb
"With dementia levels in Scotland set to rise by 75% in the next 25
years, the writer behind the Discworld fantasy books spoke out
against the patchy provision for sufferers..."

http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,2265294,00.html

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/03/14/i-raged-at-god-
over-this-alzheimer-s-but-i-ve-never-felt-so-alive-i-m-so-angry-
89520-20350448/
or http://tinyurl.com/33k5tj
"People laugh about senior moments - about forgetting names and
losing things," he says. "But it's like wearing a balaclava helmet
under my skin."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

4) IMAGE OF THE MONTH: ONE MAN AND HIS HAT

A Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike photo from Myrmi's Flickr
stream

http://flickr.com/photos/area/15294909/

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, continued on Part 2 of 4.
If you did not get all four parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2008 -- PART 2 OF 4 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

====Part 2 -- MORE NEWS AND THE SUCH

5) THE COLOUR OF MAGIC PREMIERE AND BROADCAST
6) AND THEY SAW STARS: PTERRY OPENS PLANETARIUM
7) ...AND PAYS TRIBUTE TO ARTHUR C. CLARKE
8) DWCON UPDATES
9) DISCWORLD CHARACTER PHOTO CONTEST
10) MASKERADE IN LIVERPOOL
11) MAKING MONEY: LIFE IMITATES ART!
12) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REVIEW

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) THE COLOUR OF MAGIC: IT'S...LIVELY

Once again, there's a veritable conrucopia of articles and videos and
whatnot, so here is a selection of many...

ACTION REPLAY FOR UK VIEWERS

DOCUMENTARY: Making of The Colour of Magic
Channel: Sky Three

'Take a sneaky peek behind the scenes of Terry Pratchett's The Colour
of Magic. Meet the cast and crew of this spectacular production,
starring Sir David Jason, Sean Astin and Tim Curry.'

The original screen date: Saturday 15th March 2008, 13:00 to 14:00,
but you can catch the final repeat of the programme on Thursday 27
March. Check your telly guide for the time -- I don't know whether it
will be an afternoon or an evening broadcast!

***

Home-shire-boy-makes-good article from the Bucks Free press:
http://tinyurl.com/36zmq4
"Terry, who was born in Beaconsfield and began his writing career as
a journalist for The Bucks Free Press, describes The Colour Of Magic
as 'basically a buddy movie'." [It must be a great feeling to have
your first employer come to you to request an interview! -- Ed.]

***

Jeremy Irons as Vetinari (with Wuffles):
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/article871847.ece

***

DW Monthly editor Jason Anthony's review of the premiere:
http://tinyurl.com/2khcgc
"Oh, did I mention, the fan extras got their names in the credits?"

***

BBC video feature: "Author Terry Pratchett and David Jason on the
forthcoming adaptation of The Colour of Magic."
http://tinyurl.com/3x93ck

***

Very fun and funny transcript of onstage Q&A with David Jason, Terry
Pratchett, Sean Astin, and Vadim Jean after the premiere:
http://tinyurl.com/35segd
"Ok, the budget was small. Not a large budget. Basically, Arnold
Schwarzenegger's cigar bill."

***

New edition of tCom original novel:
http://www.marketingweek.co.uk/item/59986/254/260/3
"The book is being re-issued with the Sky advertising creative on the
cover and will be sold exclusively through the Borders book chain. It
is thought to be the first time a multichannel programme has featured
on a book jacket in this way. Borders will also run in-store
marketing for the programme."

***

A good review following the tCoM private cinema premiere:
http://denofgeek.com/television/13413/the_colour_of_magic_review.html

***

"You, sir, are a knight..."
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/a90732/pratchett-kneels-for-sir-
david-jason.html

***

Promotional pictures from RHI:
http://www.rhifilms.com/property.php?propertyId=CofMagic&page=photos

***

Jeremy Irons article:
http://tinyurl.com/2mb5mh

***

...and because there's always someone putting something up on the
anternet...NUDGE NUDGE, WINK WINK:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwOowHV88wQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov4ER1HwbyU

***

FUN BITS FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T GET THE CoM BROADCAST YET

Karen David, a.k.a. Liessa Dragonlady, learning to swordfight for the
movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIlk5jxzQoA

...and here she is learning to swordfight UPSIDE DOWN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vqz--2a1Ns

...and here's her member page on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/KarenDavidTV

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

6) AND THEY SAW STARS

As mentioned in last month's issue, Terry Pratchett and Sir Patrick
Moore were due to open the UK's largest planetarium, at the INTECH
Science Centre in Winchester, on 19th March. And indeed they did!
Read all about it in the Hampshire Chronicle online (includes a video
link):

http://tinyurl.com/3yh9c5

Or, if this doesn't work, try:

http://www.thisishampshire.net/search/display.var.2133889.0.pratchett
_opens_new_planetarium_in_winchester.php

which links to a video clip of the opening.

If the video page "can't be found", try again, it usually comes good
on  the second or third attempt. Failing that, try this link:

http://www.hampshirechronicle.co.uk/news/video/index.var.23132.0.0.
php

For those without access to Windows Video Player, you can access the
video clip by pointing an mms-compatible video player to:

mms://newsquest.coullmedia.com/newsquest/southampton/hcplanet_190308
.wmv

(e.g. mplayer is available for free on Windows, Macintosh and Linux.)

And in a related note...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

7) PTERRY PAYS TRIBUTE TO ARTHUR C. CLARKE

http://www.fromrimtohub.com/?p=398

"Most notably, I think he was probably the first science fiction
writer to break out of the science fiction ghetto," Pratchett told
the BBC Radio 4 Today programme.

Also, gleaned from the news by New Bruce of Bugarup University:

"Terry Pratchett, a fellow science fiction author, said Clarke was
the first writer to break out of the genre. 'Before *2001*, you could
see the string, you could see what was holding the rocket ships up.
The first time you saw it you thought, "Here's something totally
new",' Pratchett said.

Pratchett said Clarke's authority came from his engineering
background. '(He)put some science into science fiction.'"

-- The Times (in the Weekend Australian).

...and also this item, pointed out by Martinus of BU:

Here is the BBC report of Arthur C. Clarke's funeral, including an
audio link to Terry Pratchett's thoughts on the man and his
significance:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7309598.stm

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

8) DWCON 2008 UPDATES

If you were planning to sign up for the Discworld Convention 2008:

http://www.dwcon.org

and if you haven't yet done so then I suggest you mail
membership@... and/or info@... urgently, membership is
selling out even earlier than the last few occasions.

The online membership application is now closed, the last few spaces
and a few transfers are being handled by the membership secretary at
the moment.

A quick mail now will get you an early spot on the wait list or
possibly a membership but leave it any longer and the prospects are
not good.

***

In answer to a number of questions anticipating Guilds and Guild
activities at the 2008 Convention our all new, singing and dancing
Guild  team say:

"There will be guilds operating at the convention, and, like before,
they are there to let you mingle and make new friends (nothing
cements a friendship like preparing and executing the rite of
AshkEnte together).

If you are now worried about what this means, don't be, as we have a
team specifically set up to help and manage the guilds. This team
will give full details of what guilds there are and how things will
work on 15th March"

-- from Karen of DWCon

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

9) DISCWORLD CHARACTER PHOTO CONTEST! FOR UK/IRELAND DWELLERS ONLY

"Celebrate the 25th anniversary of Terry Pratchett's first novel,
The Colour of Magic, with our brilliant competition. Send us a
photograph of yourself dressed as your favourite Pratchett character
for the chance to win an iPod loaded with the Discworld audio back
catalogue."

http://tinyurl.com/2v4kqs

(Entries must be received by midday on 19th May, 2008)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

10) MASKERADE IN LIVERPOOL

Alsopdrama will be performing Maskerade on 10th, 11th and 12th April
2008 at Crosby Civic Hall, Liverpool Road North, Liverpool L22 OLQ.

Tickets: £8 and £6
Box office: 01704540011

http://www.alsopdrama.co.uk/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

11) MAKING MONEY: LIFE IMITATES ART!

Moist von Lipwig would totally understand this one:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7294665.stm

"Ethiopia's national bank has been told to inspect all the gold in
its vaults to determine its authenticity. It follows the discovery
that some of the "gold" it had bought for millions of dollars was
gold-plated steel."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

12) MORT IN MORNINGTON: A REVIEW
by Mogg

As a long-time fan of the Discworld books, I was always a little
sceptical about Discworld plays, doubting that the wonderful detail
and colour of the novels could be successfully translated into the
medium of theatre. However, first-time director Damian Perry was so
politely enthusiastic on the OZDW mailing list and in Wossname that
a friend and I decided to take a trip down to the Mornington
Peninsula, an hour or so south of Melbourne, for the recent Rosebud
Astral Theatre Society production of Mort, based on the Stephen
Briggs adaptation.

I must say that I was quite impressed overall. Rosebud Astral is
clearly an amateur group, but they put a lot of thought and effort
into this production, particularly the staging and costuming. The
sets were quite minimalist, but attention to detail and little
Discworld references were appreciated, right down to "I ate'nt
dead!" on one of Princess Keli's posters and the interval music, 'A
Wizard's Staff' from the 'From the Discworld' album by Dave
Greenslade (which isn't anywhere near beer- swilling, stein-waving or
foot-stomping enough in my opinion, but never mind!) Death's face
and his glowing eyes and scythe were excellent, and Binky was
represented by the simple but effective means of a projection.
Footnotes and explanations were done as asides by the characters or
as small narrations, and were generally fairly smooth, although some
of the explanations would perhaps have flowed better and been
clearer to the audience if they had been inserted into the dialogue.

A large proportion of the cast were clearly quite young but all
offered consistently good performances. Ash Cooper (Mort) did a very
good job (particularly with his voice) of showing Mort's development
over the course of the play, although his foot-shuffling at the
beginning gave him the appearance of standing barefoot on hot sand
rather than indicating general awkwardness. We did also wonder why he
had pink hair! He worked very well with Emily Aulich (a creditable
Ysabell), and their scene by the pond in Death's garden in
particular was wonderful.

Tom Harris (Albert, complete with frying pan and green-sounding
cough) was  superb. Sam Noonan made a charming Igneous Cutwell, and
Leanne Douglas did a good job making Princess Keli both imperious
and rather petulant. Special mention also goes to Tom Gully, who
played several minor roles including King Olerve, Liona Keeble  the
job broker, and the Sun Emperor. Jesse Holt, the young actor who
played Rincewind (among other characters) looked like he might
actually have been Rincewind as a teenager!

In fact, my only major acting gripe is reserved for Colin Marshall as
Death. He was often quite stilted and stiff and muffed his lines on
more than one occasion. He wasn't the only one (was a little more
rehearsal required?), but he was certainly the most noticeable and
it was inexcusable in such a major role -- particularly as he is the
character explaining what is going on, in a plot which  does require
a fair bit of explanation for much of the first half of the the
story. His voice was also somewhat muffled due to his mask, which is
a more difficult problem to overcome, and a trifle too much echo
effect made it more indistinct. Unfortunately this led to more than
one overheard conversation at interval to the effect of "I
couldn't quite follow what was going on" from audience members
unfamiliar with the story. Some attention to a few little details
such as pronunciation, and turning toward the audience when  wearing
a hat or hood so that faces are not entirely obscured, by all members
of the cast wouldn't have gone astray, either. Fortunately, the
second half was much better -- in fact, it rocked along very nicely,
with everybody appearing  more relaxed, the dialogue flowing better
and far fewer stumbles.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable attempt, with the good qualities
overshadowing the few flaws. It wasn't a perfect job but it was
mostly pretty good, particularly for those already familiar with the
plot. Had the standard of attention to detail that went into the
staging also gone into getting the dialogue and sound, it would have
been absolutely fabulous.

Congratulations to Damian and the cast and crew, and I hope they
decide to try some more Pratchett in future!

SOME IMAGES FROM MORT!!!

Taken by Mogg, presented on Flickr for your pleasure with the
permission of Damian Perry:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/24967637@N08/sets/72157604200609999/

[Note: Death was "stilted and stiff"? Sounds about right to me! --
Ed.]

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2 -- continued on Part 3 of 4.
If you did not get all four parts, write: interact@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2008 by Klatchian Foreign Legion