Judith, and all,

Sorry, hit the wrong key.  No message,
just me, woozy from auto accident.

Hit by air bag in ribs.  Feeling lousy.

Joe


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME

Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion

July 2000 (Volume 3 Issue 7)
*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
Klatchian Foreign Legion and also its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society
and other continental groups.

Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail address.

Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to join
the Guild of  Fans and Disciples and receive the discounts on books
and other items available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************

INDEX:

EDITOR'S NOTE

NEWS:
  1. www.wossname.com
  2. Terry Pratchett - Guilty of Literature
  3. LARP Cancelled
  4. Discworld Event 2000 - Wetherden, Suffolk - 28th-30th July
  5. Auditions in XXXX

FEATURES:
  6. NASA's concept of the Space Elevator. Elephants in space soon to
follow!
  7. Gateway 2000 Costume Contest

REVIEWS:
  8. Discworld Noir on Playstation

LETTERS:
  9. Rats in the news
10. Aquiring the English Pratchett items in th US

PRODUCTIONS:
11. Carpe Jugulum (Middlesex, December 2000)

BUSINESS:
12. Ordering stuff in the US
13. Klatchian Foreign Legion Resources

*********************************************************************

Editor in Chief : Jason Parlevliet
Managing Editor : Nathan Clissold
Copy Bursar (Chief) : Dylan Williams
Senior Staff Writers : Andy Stout, Steven D'Aprano
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director : Becky Swaney
Copyright 2000 by North American Discworld Society

*********************************************************************


SENDING IN MATERIAL
Despite any previous announcements, please send all
correspondence and other material for WOSSNAME to:

Jason Parlevliet, editor-in-chief - jase@...
with a copy to:
Joe Schaumburger - JSCHAUM111@....

*********************************************************************

EDITOR'S NOTE

Welcome again to another exciting edition of WOSSNAME.  As you probably
read earlier in the month, Joe Schaumburger, president of the North
American Discworld Society, was involved in a bit of an automotive
altercation.  Joe wasn't injured by the crash, but was battered and
bruised by the airbag, in its enthusiasm to protect him.  Must've been
one of the BS Johnson models.

Many people sent in messages of concern and sympathy to Joe, who answers
"Please tell them I'm feeling much better, and it is wonderful to have
so many caring friends."

I'm sure all of the WOSSNAME/Discworld community wishes you all the best
for your recovery, Joe.

Jase
Editor-in-Chief

NEWS:

1) WWW.WOSSNAME.COM!

That's right folks, generous WOSSNAME subscriber David Gill, owner of
the wossname.com domain, has been kind enough to point it at the home
pages of the WOSSNAME newsletter, ie, US!  Our pages are hosted by
discworld.imaginary.com, home of the Discworld mud, but can now be
easily accessed by typing http://www.wossname.com/ in the location field
of your browser.  So easy even the Bursar could do it (But only after
the second try and a few extra pills. -Dylan).

For this, David has earned himself a hearty pat on the back, a lifetime
subscription to WOSSNAME, and a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence
People, by Foul Ole Ron.


2) TERRY PRATCHETT - Guilty of Literature

Terry Pratchett - Guilty of Literature is a volume of essays about
Pterry's work,edited by Andrew M. Butler, Edward James and Farah
Mendlesohn

It covers the whole range of Pratchett's writings, from The Carpet
People to The Fifth Elephant, and includes essays by critics such as
John Clute and Andy Sawyer and children's author Cherith Baldrys

It is published by the Science Fiction Foundation, for the price of £10,
plus £1 postage and packing. Full details can be found at
http://www.rdg.ac.uk/~lhsjamse/guilty.htm

What, you don't have any pounds?  Your friendly KFL headquarters here in
Miami can order this book for you via our GOFAD connection in the UK,
using US$.  Send your check for US$ 20 ($16 + $4 postage) made out to
me:

Joseph Schaumburger
18205 SW 94th Avenue
Miami, FL 33157

I will have our UK agent buy the book and send it to you by airmail.


3) LARP CANCELLED

Due to a personal circumstance combined with an uncertain response (or
lack thereof), the DiscWorld Live Action Role-Playing Game has been
cancelled.  We are working at replacing it with other, alternate
Discworld programming.  Sorry for any inconvenience.

Contact by e-mail at gateway@... or on the web at:
http://www.stlf.org/gateway


4) THE DISCWORLD EVENT 2000 - Wetherden, Suffolk - 28th-30th July

It's getting close to zero hour now and tickets are still being ordered.

There's going to come a point soon when it becomes too late and/or too
busy for us to send out any more, so *please* order your tickets now if
you'd like to attend.

There's an online order form at:

https://secure.keme.net/miuk/clarecraft/c00-form.html

If you prefer the one-to-one touch, please feel free to give us a bell
on +44 (0)1359 244462. That's also the fax number.

Brief details of the event appear on our site, but if you have any
specific questions, please feel free to mail me direct.

See you soon,

Elton Murphy (elton@...)
http://www.clarecraft.com
Clarecraft's Discworld Web Site


5) AUDITIONS

For those few actors reading this newsletter who happen to live in
Adelaide (Australia), Unseen Theatre Company is holding auditions for
its  production of Guards! Guards! to be held at the Bakehouse Theatre,
Adelaide from 6th November.

Information Night is at the Tower Arts Centre on 13th August and
Auditions on 20th August, both at 7.30pm.

For more details, email Pamela Munt  <pamela@...>


FEATURES:

6) NASA's CONCEPT OF THE SPACE ELEVATOR. ELEPHANTS IN SPACE SOON TO
FOLLOW!

Readers of Science of the Discworld will recall the space elevator
concept.  Apparently NASA are taking it reasonably seriously (after much
prompting from Pratchett et.al., I'm sure :P) and have this to say
amongst their Flight Projects Directorate documents.

"The Space Elevator concept is a structure extending from the surface of
the Earth to geo-stationary Earth orbit (GEO). Its center of mass is at
GEO such that the entire structure orbits the Earth in sync with the
Earth?s rotation maintaining a stationary position over its base
attachment at the equator. It is envisioned that such a structure would
be used as a mass transportation system in the latter part of the 21st
century for transporting people, payloads, gasses and power between
Earth and space."

Some very proto technical details can be found at
http://flightprojects.msfc.nasa.gov/fd02_elev.html


7) GATEWAY 2000 COSTUME CONTEST

For the costume contest at the St. Louis Gateway 2000 Sci-Fi Convention,
I dressed up as Magrat Garlick with a shimmering green dress, a black
cape with red lining and a mass of tortured hair which had flowers
embeded in it. After I got there, I found that there was a Granny and
Nanny duo entered. We met for the first time in the Masquerade green
room and lamented that we had not met before.

John Levene (from Doctor Who) was the MC. While waiting to go onstage,
we found out that Terry Pratchett himself was one of the judges!!

The two senior witches had a very cute presentation that involved the
Standing Stone. They had made a Standing Stone prop which was placed on
stage, then Nanny Ogg came on singing the Hedgehog Song. She called,
"Esme? Esme?" and when it was clear that Esme hadn't arrived yet, Nanny
realized that she had to go "to the bathroom" and began hopping up and
down on one leg. She finally ran off just when Esme showed up. Nanny
returned with her skirt stuck in her drawers, revealing her stockings
which were white with big red stripes.

My Magrat presentation was just movement. I came on stage pretending to
make sure that no-one was around, and then pretended to pick flowers and
frolickawkwardly (of course the awkwardness was on purpose!). As I was
frolicking I suddenly noticed the audience and beat an embarrassed
retreat.

This being my first costume contest, the whole thing was a great
learning experience, and to my shock, I won Best of the Novice Division!
While accepting the award I gave an eyebrow-raise of acknowledgement to
Pterry, my reason for being there.

Meeting everyone that was involved with the masquerade was really a
treat, everyone was very friendly and accepting of a new person.

Very shortly I will have pictures from the con on my website:
http://members.aol.com/CatTigerLi/heroes.html

Catherine Linden  <CatTigerLi@...>

REVIEWS:

8) DISCWORLD NOIR ON PLAYSTATION.

Review of "Discworld Noir" from the Herald-Sun (Australian Newspaper),
Wednesday July 12, 2000 ("Connect 5", TV and entertainment liftout).

System: Playstation
Supplier: Ozisoft
Price: Around $80
Rating Two stars (out of five)
Reviewer: John Amendall

The game starts with you waking up from the dead.

But in Ankh-Morpork, the capital of Discworld made famous in the
bestselling series by author Terry Pratchett, that is not a hurdle in
playing this detective adventure.

As Lewton, a wise-cracking gumshoe, you must help an intriguing femme
fatale called Carlotta. But be warned: she is not what she seems.

She presents you with what appears to be an easy missing-person's case.

Of course, in classic noir fashion, it leads to another with various
weird and dark people to interact with along the way.

I enjoyed playing private eye. The game looks great with rich, shadowy
backgrounds, but small objects which you need to find are obscured.
Miss spotting one of these clues and you'll find yourself revisiting the
same sites. So look carefully, otherwise progress will be slow.

You move through the story by interacting with other characters,
refering to your notebook and bag of clues for inspiration for
questions.

Your pointer is a torch beam - right click on an object or character and
Lewton describes what he's looking at; left click and he tries to
collect it or interact with it.

A quick mind rather than a smoking gun is your only help. Patience
helps, too.

Steven D'Aprano (Australia).


LETTERS :

9) RATS IN THE NEWS.

1. Apparently, rat was served as a main dish during the SURVIVOR show.

2. According to a recent article, New York City is being inundated with
rats  (budget cuts, etc.).
Anybody thinking "Rat onna stick! With ketchup!"?
Oh, Mr. Dibbler, where are you when we need you?

Jean Lamb, tlambs1138@...  (USA)


10) "zombiegod" <zombiegod@...> wants to know :

I have a question for the group how does one if they desire, aquire the
english pratchett items if they live in the usa, such as the
diaries,beer,books,miniatures,etc
Jay

Well, Jay, Joe informs me that paid-up Gofad members can order through
him.  Have a look at 'Ordering Stuff' in the Business section towards
the end of this Wossname which has info on joining GOFAD, how to order
stuff, and just a sample of the myriad delights that can be had in this
way.  If it's all too much, email Joe - JSCHAUM111@... and he can
explain it in more detail
         - Jase (Wossname's Mr. Ed)


PRODUCTIONS:

11) TERRY PRATCHETT'S:
CARPE JUGULUM
Adapted for the stage by Stephen Briggs

Invite a vampire into your home and you're asking for trouble! Invite an
entire vampire clan to your baby's christening and you'd better serve
garlic as the entree!

Something stranger than normal is afoot in Lancre, deep in the heart of
The Discworld. There's a new heir to the throne and guests have gathered
from far and wide to attend the christening. However some bright spark
invited the De Magpyrs - a family of new age vampires with a taste for
garlic and fancy waistcoats, set on a feeding frenzy with baby Esmeralda
for dessert!

With a witch for a mother and Nanny Ogg on your side, the odds should be
in your favour. But when garlic and holy water don't work, who ya gonna
call? Cue Granny Weatherwax (crone of all crones and witch
extra-ordinaire). Only Granny has disappeared, sending the witches'
coven into disarray. Perdita X Nitt (the newest addition to the coven)
is attracting a little too
much attention from Vladymyr De Magpyr. Magrat, Queen of Lancre and yet
another witch, is finding it a little tricky juggling motherhood and
witchcraft.  And Nanny - well she's just Nanny! All this spells trouble
for Lancre. BIG trouble!

Will Perdita feel the passionate nip of a vampire kiss? Is this the end
of Granny Weatherwax? And why can't vampires just stick to the rules?

It's all out war as the witches take on the vampires in The Purple
Theatre Company's fourth foray into the Discworld!

Carpe Jugulum is showing from Wednesday 6th to Saturday 9th December at
the Compass Theatre in Ickenham, Middlesex. The show starts at 8pm, with
a matinee on the Saturday at 3pm! Tickets are priced at 7.50, with
concessions of 6.50 available for the
Wednesday, Thursday and the matinee performances.

For tickets, please call 07050 605081 or e-mail
tickets@....

The Purple Theatre Company is an amateur group. The show is performed by
arrangement with Samuel French.


BUSINESS:

12) ORDERING STUFF IN THE US

Your friendly KFL headquarters here in Miami can order stuff for you via
our GOFAD connection in the UK, using US$. Write to me and send a check
in US$ to:

Joseph Schaumburger
18205 SW 94th Avenue
Miami, FL 33157

Convert prices at US$  = 1.7 times  the  price in English pounds. (Don't
forget to allow about $4.00 for postage and I will have our UK agent buy
the book  or item and send it to you by airmail. If you're not sure of
the price, just e-mail me, JSCHAUM111@... and I'll work it out for
you. Here's a sampling of what you can get:

ORDER INFORMATION

PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE ITEMS ARE AVAILABLE ONLY TO PAID-UP GOFAD
MEMBERS, as they must be ordered through us and then sent to world hqs
in England.  To join GOFAD, use the form below.

(  )  I would also like to join GOFAD, the worldwide Terry Pratchett
club and am enclosing my check or money order in the amount  of US$ 26,
payable to JOSEPH SCHAUMBURGER. I understand  I will receive a
membership packet  from club hqs in England with the items mentioned
below

ORDER FORM   (other items also available - just ask)

All prices are in US dollars and include shipping.  Please contact Joe
Schaumburger for equivalent prices in your national currency.  Do not
send cash.

(  )    $13.00  THE DISCWORLD COMPANION
                 (an encyclopedia of Discworld info)
(   )   $14.00  JINGO
                 (paperback edition)
(   )   $23.00  CITY WATCH T-SHIRT featuring the new Watch badge,
                 drawn by Paul Kidby and  and printed in blue on a
                 black t-shirt, L or XL only. On the back, the City
                 Watch motto in blue:
                 FABRICATI DIEM PVNC. (Make My Day, Punk)
(   )   $23.00  UNSEEN UNIVERSITY T-SHIRT
                 The UU crest printed in navy blue with the legend
                 'Unseen University'n a white t-shirt, L or XL .
                 (There are drawings of the two crests in The
                 Discworld Companion, the Watch crest on p. 248,
                 and the UU crest on p.228.)
(  )    $18.00  T-SHIRT - "A Dragon is for Life etc."
                 4 colors, front & back (Also available to
                 non-GOFAD members of NADS for $21.00) (Size:  ?)
(  )    $13.00  Unseen University Diplomas
(  )    $40.00  Unseen University scarf
                                    MAPS
(  )    $16.00  Discworld Mapp
(  )    $18.00  Ankh Morpork Mapp
(  )    $18.00  A Tourist Guide to Lancre

New Terry Pratchett books can be ordered through this service, but can
also be obtained via amazon.com or amazon.com.uk  Older titles are
available through the US Science Fiction Book Club at sfbc.com at a
considerable discount if you join the SFBC.

                    OTHER ITEMS

(  )    $37.00  CD of Discworld 2 computer game
(  )    $16.00  Scripts of Discworld plays (Title:   ?)
(  )    $22.25  Ankh-Morporkh City Watch Diary

Send all orders to: Joseph Schaumburger
                     18205 SW 94th Avenue
                     Miami, FL 33157

Make all checks and money orders payable to:
Joseph Schaumburger, in US$.

Please do not send cash. Please send any queries to JSCHAUM111@...


13) KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION RESOURCES

Each month (well, usually), as well as WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, the
plain text of the newsletter is embellished with fantastic graphics and
put up on the Society Web site:

      http://www.wossname.com

As well as the full text of WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, there is also
sent out a much shorter e-mail announcing that the new version of
WOSSNAME is available on the Web.  So, if you'd prefer to receive this
shorter notification, rather than the whole text of WOSSNAME, just let
us know!

The announcement list will also be used by other groups in the
Klatchian Foreign Legion, such as by the Bugarup University Students'
Guild for announcing BUNS, so you may want to join that list anyway,
even if you still want to receive the whole text of WOSSNAME by e-mail.
To subscribe to the announcement list, just go to:

      http://www.egroups.com/subscribe/kfl-announce

or send an empty e-mail to:

      kfl-announce-subscribe@egroups.com

Also on the subject of the Legion, the Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring
has recently started.  A Webring, in case you don't know, is a group of
Web sites that share a common interest or theme, and have links to one
another such that by following the link, you travel all the way "around
the ring", visiting each site in turn.  In the case of the Legion's
Webring, the sites are those of groups like the North American Discworld
Society, the Guild of Fans and Disciples and the Bugarup University
Students' Guild, as well as any other Web site with  an emphasis on
regional Pratchett fandom, at anything from the local level up to the
continental level.  To visit the Webring, or to add your site to it,
just visit:

      http://travel.to/klatch

If you would like to stop recieving WOSSNAME, and leave a terrible, soul
crushing void in your life that can never be filled, simply send a blank
email to

      wossname-unsubscribe@egroups.com


*** This months edition of Wossname is proudly brought to you by CMOT
Dibbler (Sator Sqaure, Ankh-Morpork "Why not try a sausage inna bun!"),
Your humble team here at Wossname, Egroups, The Klatchian Foreign
Legion, alt.fan.pratchett.announce and some daft bugger called Terry who
writes some pretty damn funny books.

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
August 2000 (Volume 3 Issue 8)

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
and also its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and
other continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail
address.  Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to
join the Guild of Fans and Disciples and receive the discounts on books and
other items available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************

INDEX:

News:
  1. The Truth - Prices, dates and info
  2. Amazon Releases Carpe Jugulum Paperback
  3. allscifi.com
  4. Discworld: The Movie - Further Developments
  5. Pterry's England Tour - The Truth
  6. Discworld Reprints
  7. Discworld Convention 2002

Letters:
  8. Discworld Actors
  9. Pterry on the Learning Channel
10. Report on the Brum Meet
11. Pterry Signs Luggage

Reviews:
12. The Truth

Business:
13. Bookstores
14. Klatchian Foreign Legion Resources


*********************************************************************

Editor in Chief : Jason Parlevliet
Managing Editor : Nathan Clissold
Copy Chief : Dylan Williams
Senior Staff Writer : Andy Stout
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director : Becky Swaney
Copyright 2000 by North American Discworld Society

*********************************************************************

NEWS:
1) The Truth - Prices, dates and info.
Thanks to Karen Reid at Random House, here's the publishing blurb for Terry's
new book, "The Truth", due in stores in November, AU$43.85, US$24.00 (ISBN
0385601026)

The Truth
The New Discworld Novel

William de Worde, editor of the Discworld's first newspaper, just wants to
get at the truth. Unfortunately, he has to cope with all the perils of a
journalist's life - people who want him dead, a vampire with a suicidal
fascination for flash photography, some more people who want him dead in a
different way, and, worst of all, the man who wants him to publish pictures
of his humorously shaped potatoes....

Also coming in November is The Fifth Elephant in paperback - AU$17.50

---------------

2) AMAZON  RELEASES CARPE JUGULUM PAPERBACK

Carpe Jugulum
by Terry Pratchett

  Amazon's Price: $5.59
  -- You Save:$1.40 (20%)

Publication date: August 2000
Binding: Mass Market Paperback
Subjects: Fiction; Fiction - Fantasy; Fantasy - Series
ISBN: 0061020397
More Info: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0061020397/ref=s_e5

------------------

3) ALLSCIFI.COM

Allscifi.com wrote to us to inform us of their scifi/fantasy novel search
engine.
Here's some of the press release :

"Steven J. Gordon Esq." <Quick@...>
My organization, Allscifi.com (http://www.allscifi.com) is looking for Terry
Pratchett fans to help us promote his great books! If you join us, you can
have a lot of fun and you'll be listed as a "resident Terry Pratchett
scholar" on our site.

The Gordonator Precision Search Engine (GPSE) is a new method of categorizing
science fiction and fantasy novels. The GPSE, my own invention, categorizes
books by many different characteristics--how much humour, how much action,
how much romance, what kinds of subplots, etc. It allows people to search by
these characteristics to find exactly the kinds of books they're looking for.
Once we have enough of an author's books in our database, people looking for
his "kind" of stories will come up with his books in their search results.
You will help us promote his books!

What we need from you:
Go to http://www.allscifi.com/BookRStep1.asp
Fill our a survey or two about your favourite book. Each survey takes about
4-6 minutes to complete, there's almost no writing, all you do is click with
your mouse on menu choices.  Once you complete a survey for your favourite
book, it gets added to our database almost immediately

Nothing to lose by trying:
Our service is 100% free to all, there's nothing to sign-up for, you can try
it out once, or as many times as you like, there's no catch. WE ARE NOT
SELLING ANYTHING. We just want people to read more books. Come and see!
<ED-It's true! They didn't even try to show me any advertisements.>

To see our parent site, Allscifi.com, come to:
http://www.allscifi.com

To fill out a book review survey, come to
http://www.allscifi.com/BookRStep1.asp

To see our revolutionary search engine in action, come to
http://www.allscifi.com/booksearcha.asp

If you have any questions, let me know,
Steve Gordon,
Director,
Allscifi.com

<ED - I went and had a look at this and it seems pretty cool.  You can make
your query as detailed as you like.  I filled in some reasonably general
options, hit go and was most impressed to see the first book it offered me
was : The Light Fantastic, by some fellow named Pratchett.  Out of the 20
books it offered me, I had read and enjoyed eight, including three DW novels.
  I also found 2 by authors I know I like, and another two I've been meaning
to read for some time.  It also gave me two by an author I can't stand, but
90% is pretty good.  It's only as good as the information it's given, too.
If you do try it out, email us <editor@...> and we'll do a bit of a
review next month. - Jase>

----------------

4) DISCWORLD: The Movie - FURTHER DEVELOPMENTS

The saga continues.

Recent information and a visit to The Internet Movie Database [IMDB]
(http://us.imdb.com/search) found that the book Good Omens, written by Neil
Gaiman & Terry Pratchett is being made into a movie. A recent search of the
IMDB found the production of Good Omens being pushed back to 2002. The
production company is/will be Samuelson Productions the company behind "Guest
House Paradiso" staring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson so what they'll do
with Good Omens is anyone's guess. But with a tentative date of 2002 not much
is happening but any news we get will be forwarded on.

----------

5) PTERRY'S ENGLAND TOUR - THE TRUTH

Week 1

Wednesday 8th November
12.30pm  - Bookends, 67 High Street, Christchurch, Dorset, BH23 1AU
4.30pm   - Borders, Unit 1&2, The Square, 4-21 Bourne Avenue, Bournemouth BH2
6DT

Thursday 9th November
12.30pm  - James Thin, 20-23 The Sovereign Centre, Weston Super Mare,
Somerset BH23 1HL
4.30pm   - Ottakars, 159 Commercial Street, Newport, Gwent NP20 1JQ

Friday 10th
12.30pm - WH Smith, 192 High Street, Cheltenham, GL5 0 1EP
4.30pm  - WH Smith , 4/5 High Street, Stratford-on-Avon, CV37 6AV

Saturday 11th
11.00am - Andromeda, 2-5 Suffolk Street, Birmingham  B1 1LT
2.30pm  - Ottakars, 3 Park Street, Walsall W51 1LX

Week 2

Wednesday 15th
12.30pm - James Thin, 7-8 High Street, Dundee,
4.30pm  - Borders, 98 Buchanan Street, Glasgow G1 3BA

Thursday 16th
12.30pm - Sweetens Bookstore, 86 Deansgate, Bolton, BL1 1BD
4.30pm  - Books Etc, Unit 1 The Printworks, Withy Grove, Manchester M4 2AD

Friday 17th
12.30pm - Ottakars, 6-7 Cooper's Square, Burton on Trent DE14 1SF
4.30pm  - Ottakars, Unit LSU5, Midsummer Place, Milton Keynes

Saturday 18th
12.30pm - Forbidden Planet, 71 New Oxford Street, London WC1A 1DG

Week 3

Wednesday 22nd
12.30pm - Heffers, 20 Trinity Street, Cambridge CB2 3TY
7.00pm  - University of East Anglia, talk as part of 'The Arthur Miller
Literary Festival' (supported by Waterstones University Bookshop)

Thursday 23rd
12.30pm - Barratts Bookstore, 47 Market Square, St Neots   PE19 2BA
4.30pm  - Hammicks, 69 The Arndale Centre, Luton LU1 2TB

Friday 24th
12.30pm - Waterstones, 203-205 Piccadilly, London W1V 9LE
4.30pm  - Waterstones, 19 Earl Street, Maidstone ME19 1PL

Saturday 25th
12.00pm - Red Lion, 125 High Street, Colchester CO1 1SZ

---------

6) DISCWORLD REPRINTS

We are republishing the "Discworld" backlist.  As you know, the first three
(THE COLOR OF MAGIC, THE LIGHT FANTASTIC, EQUAL RITES) were released in
February of this year.  MORT, SORCERY, and WYRD SISTERS will be out in
February 2001.  PYRAMIDS and GUARDS! GUARDS are coming in August 2001.

(We do not have the rights to ERIC.)  MOVING PICTURES, REAPER MAN, and
WITCHES ABROAD will be in the next batch.  That takes care of the "Discworld"
books that have been o/p over here for a while now.  We are also
systematically repackaging our "Discworld" backlist (starting with SMALL
GODS) to bring them into the new "Pratchett look" inaugurated with THE COLOR
OF MAGIC.

Best,

Jennifer Brehl
HarperCollins

---------

7) DISCWORLD CONVENTION 2002

From the team that brought you The Discworld Convention 1996 and The
Discworld Convention 1998...

The year 2002 will see the 3rd Discworld Convention - "2002: A Discworld
Odyssey" - and it's going to be even better than our first two Conventions!

Who?

The following guests have accepted our invitation to attend (subject to
professional commitments):

Terry Pratchett
Stephen Briggs
Paul Kidby
Bernard & Isobel Pearson
Graham Higgins
Dave Langford
Josh Kirby
Colin Smythe
Stephen Player

.. and other guests will be confirmed soon.

***What? A weekend of Discworldian fun for all fans of Terry Pratchett and
his work.  The planned events are far too many to mention here, but will
include a Maskerade costume parade, guest interviews, workshops, quizzes,
amateur theatre and a formal dinner. The Discworld Conventions held in 1996
and 1998 were huge successes, and Paul A Rood and his team are going to make
this another weekend to remember.

***When? 16th - 19th August 2002.

***Where? The Hanover International Hotel, Hinckley, Leicestershire.  This
modern four star hotel has excellent event facilities and luxurious
accommodation.  Literally seconds from Junction 1 of the M69 and minutes from
the M6 and M1 for easy access - Birmingham International Airport is only a 20
minute drive, and Hinckley Station is just 1 mile away.

***Why? Because it is Fun. It's as much fun to organise a Discworld
Convention as it is to attend one. We know that the Conventions have made a
big impression on our attendees - up to and including meeting their future
spouse!

Some comments from happy Convention-goers:
"The venue, events and people were wonderful..."
"DWCon '98 was groovy - keep it up!"
"The Convention was great, I really enjoyed myself... All the events I went
to were brilliant."

***How much? Membership fees will be set shortly, but as with the first two
Discworld Conventions, you will definitely be getting your money's worth.
Hotel room rates have yet to be set, but discussions with the Hanover suggest
that they will be very reasonable.

***What now? Visit our Web site at: http://www.dwcon.org/. There you will
find instructions on how to join a mailing list for those interested in the
Convention. Members of this list will find out Convention news as soon as it
happens - for instance, new guests as they are confirmed, membership and
hotel rates as they are set. Convention news and updates will also be posted
on our Web site, so bookmark it and don't miss out. If you would like to ask
us any questions, have an idea for a programme item, or would like to
volunteer to help, please email us at info@.... In order to secure a
membership form as soon as they are produced, please send a Stamped Addressed
Envelope to: The Discworld Convention 2002, 23 Medora Road, Romford, Essex
RM7 7EP, UK.

See you in 2002!

---------

LETTERS:

8) DISCWORLD ACTORS
I enjoy reading about people's views on which actors should play Discworld
characters in a potential movie. Often they are very insightful. But I have a
deeper interest in where the Discworld characters come from in the first
place.  I figure it this way. Whereas some writers can spend three or four
pages setting up a joke, Terry Pratchett expects his characters to generate
three or four smiles a page from the moment they are introduced.  So he uses
comic archetypes. This means that his characters often start out as
two-dimensional. But after a while, buffeted by the complexity of plot they
mature into complex creations.  I think that it's a bit like the Comedia Dell
Arte. When travelling companies of comic actors went from village to village,
they needed to work with personas that their audience could immediately
understand.  The jokes were, in sense, already set up.  In a way, these comic
archetypes survived right through to 1950's UK.  Indeed, before that,
Chaplin's little tramp was a direct descendent of Brigante. When Hugh Paddick
and Kenneth Williams said every week on radio - "It's bona to varda your eek,
Mr 'orne" they were actually speaking the English actors' descendent of the
dog Latin of the Comedia Dell Arte troups.  I'm much the same age as Terry
Pratchett, so I think that I sometimes I can guess where he gets some or his
archetypes from. (I'd love to talk to him to ask how close my guesses are!).
Anyway here are some of them. I guess that most of you are too young to play
this game - but feel free to join in anyway.  If you ever want to see Mustrum
Ridcully in the flesh, watch a video of "Doctor in the House" and observe Sir
Archibald Spratt on his rounds of St Swinthins's hospital - or indeed any
other role that James Robinson-Justice ever played - he was always Ridcully.
To the early sit-com the Army Game I suspect we owe :

    - Corporal Nobby Nobbes = Alfie Bass as "Bootsie"
    - Carrott = Bernard Bresslaw as "Popeye"
    - Dibbler = Michael Medwin as "Jack Springer" or Harry Fowler in any part
he ever played - although maybe the true archetype is George Cole as "Flash
Harry" or maybe even Arthur English in his "stand-up" persona.
    - Nannie Ogg I have down as Irene Handyl.
    - The Patrician, for me, is Basil Rathbone- not in his best known role but
as Louis the Good in a film about Jean Valois (I think) nevertheless, from
time to time, if you listen carefully to Vetinarii, you can hear the
authentic voice of Sherlock Holmes.
    - Swires seems easily identifiable as Mel Gibson in a cross between
Braveheart and Deathwish.
    - Detritus is Arthur Mullard.

Two other great comic performances also come to mind.  First, I will always
see Shawn Ogg as Ian Lavender in "Dad's Army". Secondly, I wonder who
remembers Arthur Howard - perhaps one of the lesser talents in that
illustrious acting family - in his role of the long suffering Pettigrew,
deputy headmaster to Professor Jimmy Edwards in "Wacko".  He is my tip for
the origin of the Bursar.  Perhaps Jimmy Edwards himself was an architype for
Ridcully.

Finally, did anyone see Prince Charles in a Cambridge University review
chanting "When you're feeling sad and blue and you can't find romance - jump
into a dustbin and dance" ?  Could this be the ernest King of Lancre?

I could go on but this is probably a game that I'm playing on my own.

Geof

-----------
9) PTERRY ON THE LEARNING CHANNEL
    I was pleasantly surprised to see a big reference to PTerry on the
American cable channel TLC (The Learning Channel).  They have been running a
series of shows from across the pond called "Junkyard Wars."  The concept is
brilliant.  A bunch of crazed people in a well-stocked junkyard are required
to construct amazing feats of engineering, which almost always turn out to be
hulking, greasy, metal monstrosities which may not be pretty, but they get
the job done.  Such challenges as building a working cannon, a flying
machine, an amphibious assault vehicle and several others were met by teams
of amateurs, each with one 'expert' they had selected before the challenge to
help them.
    One show in particular was interesting to Pratchett fans.  The challenge
was a tug-of-war between improvised tractors, and one team christened their
machine "The Great A'Tuin," with the name proudly scrawled in bright orange
spray paint across the sides and back of their vehicle.  Sadly, a freak
engine problem meant that the more-superior star turtle lost to the other
team's vehicle, but it was still wildly entertaining.  I can't remember the
exact quote from the announcer on the show, but the explanation of the
Pratchett reference was delivered with a touch of scepticism that the
audience would have heard of him.

I just thought wossname members might be interested in hearing about this.  I
am quite sure that the episode will be rerun again this summer. (Probably not
in fourecks :( - Jase)

Dave Cannon
Waskada, Manitoba
Canada

--------------
10) REPORT OM THE BRUM MEET

Vampire from Brum meets with two Alaskan girls and a guy with no top!

The day started early with a 225 mile drive down to Plymouth docks with my
friend John doing the driving. Shortly before arriving I recieved a call on
my mobile from TSQ telling me where they were waiting. Then came a call from
Richard who had already arrived in Plymouth, so I told him where to meet TSQ
and Cathe and said that I'd be there shortly.

We arrived approximatly 10 minutes later and finally the Brum meet began.
Then Richard arrived in his MG midget with no roof, looking very cool. The
weather was particularly hot (for Britain), and there was a gentle breeze.
Richard kept saying it was bound to rain so I had to tell him to hush,
knowing the temperement of our weather, just saying the words 'dark clouds'
can bring on a rain storm. We drove down to a pleasant little place where we
sat outside and had a cuppa. We took some photo's, John took most, then a
kindly Scottish waitress took one of all five of us.

Then we went for a walk along the sea front, taking in the view. We walked
all the way up to Plymouth Hoe and the lighthouse. We stood there a while and
pondered why a large stone at the bottom had been laid by the Duke of York in
1882, and a date near the top of the lighthouse had claimed the building to
have been erected in 176*something*. My claims that the lighthouse had been
built from the top down where dismissed. We looked at some statues
commemorating victorious battles and then went
back to the cars. (Damn, two hour limit car parks!) We drove into town and
found a pub in which to have a meal. The landlord was a rather eccentric
English gentleman who pushed two tables together for the six of us. After
sitting down we pondered on who he could have possibly thought was the sixth
member of our groups, there were only five of us! (Maybe the Libwolf had
appeared in spirit form to him during an experiment in L-space.)

We ate and chatted about many things, including Pterry. When the conversation
turned to our hero John piped up to me "You didn't tell me that they were
Terry Pratchett fans!" After a sharp kick in the shins he said no more that
would land him in deep water. (N.B. John is not particularly a Pterry fan,
even after reading a couple of his books. I do consider this to
be a flaw in his personality, but otherwise he is quite a nice guy and maybe
one day...who knows!)

John recovered himself with a talk about internet games with Richard. After
the meal TSQ and Cathe brought out their gifts from Alaska. I was given an
Alaskan mug (and they didn't know I have a collection of mugs from around the
world) a cute polar bear figure and some Alaskan coffee. Richard was given
the coffee and the Golden Gate Bridge! We where all given a stick of Alaskan
Raindeer Jerky. After a quick trip to walk around a bookshop, (with no Pterry
books, shame on you Plymouth), we thought we had better go and look for
Richard whom we had lost on a roundabout. (A traffic one!) We said our
goodbyes at the docks at about 3.45p.m. I didn't want the girls to go, we had
had such a lovely time together. I hope that someday we will
be able to meet again, I'll be very sad if we don't.

Holly and Cathe, when you read this, I want you know that I love you both,
you are two wonderful people. Richard, not wanting to leave you out but not
having known as long as the girls, you are a really nice guy and I hope to
meet you again too. Oh, and I loved the shorts! I'm feeling quite emotional
now.....

Anne Stone,
English Psycho,
PKO and Vampire.

------------
11) PTERRY SIGNS LUGGAGE
I'm happy to report that Terry signed "The Luggage," my 1293 cc highly
modified Mini Cooper S, at Gateway 2000.  I drove the wee beastie all the way
to Saint Louis and back to Tulsa, over an 800 mile journey, in 100+ degree f.
weather, without any problems.

http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/6437/Sloocon.htm

The tattoo is my new one of the Mini logo on my left hand. I stayed with Mark
and Becky Andrews of the Mini Mailing List while in Saint Louis and Mark has
a wonderful Tattoo Studio there called "Iron Age."

BMW has acquired the Mini marque, is getting ready to foist off an ugly
eurobox of an abomination on the public and call it the "new Mini." As part
of this stupid project, they are suing all of the shops that have been
servicing Minis for decades and selling modifications and aftermarket parts
if they use the Mini name or logo. I had the tattoo done as a way to
celebrate the cars I love and send a signal to BMW to stuff their Nazi
tactics up where the sun don't shine.

The picture of the babe (Claudia Christian) is self-explanatory.  ;)

I expect to see Terry again in September. I'll be in the UK from August 28
through October 5 and we usually manage to get together when I'm there.

Rocky Frisco, rock@...

------------

REVIEWS:

12) THE TRUTH

Read it hot off the press - UK's premier fantasy writer reveals journo's
sordid life-style - what is this Truth we've heard rumours about? Dark tales
of inter-species co-operation - where and why, does 'Otto' wear a black
ribbon? Exactly which gender is Gunilla, the dwarf? What duties does
Sacharissa, the human female, perform for a dollar a day? Read how the
sinister figure behind the iconograph spends every working minute in a life
or death struggle for his art, all the while in the grip of the very worst
addiction - Discover the real story behind Ankh-Morpork's so-called
Patrician, why is it that foreigners and economic migrants are involved in a
plot with the city's low-life to subjugate our city government to  rule by
the  fat cats? Find out the facts behind Vetinari's favoured 'pet' - where
exactly is Wuffles hiding and who really knows? Discover the answers to all
this and more when you read The Truth, the twenty-fifth episode in the life
of Discworld  -  available exclusively to Pratchett fans in the autumn of
2000.

I hope you have taken the heavy tabloid-style hints, layed on with a trowel
(see para. above) because The Truth is concerned with journalism and it's
birth and development within the Gleam Street area of Ankh-Morpork. Fitting
into the 'stand alone' canon, the 25th and therefore silver anniversary
edition of Discworld, concerns the Watch but only in  a cameo role, and
rather from the criminal's perspective.  In similar fashion, Death pops in
just to take out a few characters, as does his little rodent side-kick.
Dwarves abound as do trolls and humans, in fact all Discworld life (or not)
is here. The leading characters, one at least, sure to become a favourite,
are mainly new to us and I guess that readers may find this refreshing.
Reviews of past books have tended to be slightly critical of the cycle of
Rincewind - Witches - Watch. This particular reviewer likes every Discworld
book - she enjoys Discworld, probably transparently! I did think that at the
First Convention in 1996, Terry was talking about a thread of this story to a
group of drunken fans, one of which was me. I have researched my facts in
true journalist style and checked this with others who were present at the
time, and some of them recall it as well, so it wasn't just my personal,
wine-soaked fantasy.  Terry was talking about a newspaper development in A-M,
in quite a lot of detail and I was surprised that nothing appeared in
subsequent chronicles of Discworld. However, it's appeared now and it shows
that a successful author can develop just a thread into a fully'fleshed
story. In fact, William de Worde's entry in The Discworld Companion, both
first and second editions, ends with the interesting line, " ...it could well
be that the future holds great things for young de Worde..." Could Mr
Pratchett have based this character on his own career, one speculates?

In The Truth we read how William de Worde,  develops from "professional
scribe"  to news magnate. We who have become regular readers of Discworld
will have met William before and also mr Slant, the undead man of the law.
Along the way, William  assembles a varied staff of helpers, For example,
distribution of  The Ankh-Morpork Times throughout the city of Ankh-Morpork
appears to be along the lines of the Big Issue in the UK, in that the
homeless denizens are the part-time sellers of the newspaper. As usual, many
parallels to our own society can be spotted by the sharp-eyed reader.

Elizabeth, elizabeth.alway@...

*********************************************************************

BUISNESS:

13) BOOKSTORES

One of our members recently wrote to us complaining that he could not find
any of the older Pratchett titles in his local bookstores.  They told him
they were all "out of print."

I alerted him to Amazon and Amazon.uk, and the Science Fiction Book Club.

However, over the years we have received the names of bookstores specializing
in fantasy, which do carry the older titles.  I was wondering if there are
any in your area.  Please send me their names and addresses and we will
publish a combined list, by country.

Send the information to: Joe Schaumburger,  at:
JSCHAUM111@...

-- Joe

*********************************************************************

14) KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION RESOURCES

Each month (well, usually), as well as WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, the
plain text of the newsletter is embellished with fantastic graphics and put
up on the Society Web site,

      http://welcome.to/wossname

As well as the full text of WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, there is also sent
out a much shorter e-mail announcing that the new version of WOSSNAME is
available on the Web.  So, if you'd prefer to receive this shorter
notification, rather than the whole text of WOSSNAME, just let us know!

The announcement list will also be used by other groups in the Klatchian
Foreign Legion, such as by the Bugarup University Students' Guild for
announcing BUNS (see above), so you may want to join that list anyway, even
if you still want to receive the whole text of WOSSNAME by e-mail.  To
subscribe to the announcement list, just go to

      http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/kfl-announce

or send an empty e-mail to

      kfl-announce-subscribe@onelist.com

Also on the subject of the Legion, the Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring has
recently started.  A Webring, in case you don't know, is a group of Web sites
that share a common interest or theme, and have links to one another such
that by following the link, you travel all the way "around the ring",
visiting each site in turn.  In the case of the Legion's Webring, the sites
are those of groups like the North American Discworld Society, the Guild of
Fans and Disciples and the Bugarup University Students' Guild, as well as any
other Web site with an emphasis on regional Pratchett fandom, at anything
from the local level up to the continental level.  To visit the Webring, or
to add your site to it, just visit

      http://travel.to/klatch

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is available in all its glory on the World-Wide Web at:

      http://www.wossname.com

with a more basic text-only version at:

      http://www.onelist.com/messages/WOSSNAME

*********************************************************************
By Offler, we actually got it finished!
This edition of Wossname is brought to you by the Sunshine Home
for Sick Dragons as run by Lady Sybil Vimes (nee Ramkin).
Remember a dragon is for life not just Hogswatch Night.

Copyright 2000 by North American Discworld Society

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
September 2000 (Volume 3 Issue 9)

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
and also its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and
other continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail
address.  Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to
join the Guild of Fans and Disciples and receive the discounts on books and
other items available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************

INDEX:

1. Reports from Our Far-Flung Outposts
2. How I Discovered Terry Pratchett
3. From the Mailbag
4. Auditors
5. Webmaster Abducted by Aliens
6. Member Countries

1) REPORTS FROM THE FAR-FLUNG OUTPOSTS
OF THE  KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION

BULGARIA:

Hi, Joe
here is my answer to the questions you had...
> Would you like to tell us how Terry Pratchett
> books are doing in Bulgaria?What languages are the books
> available in?

Here is a list of the books I have, with the publishers incl., they all are
translated in Bulgarian:

A List of Terry Pratchett's Books

Discworld Books

Eric, Vuzev Publishing House, 1992
The Colour of Magic, Vuzev, 1992
The Light Fantastic, Vuzev, 1993
Sourcery, Corgi Books, 1993
Equal Rites, Vuzev, 1994
Mort, Vuzev, 1995
Small Gods , Vuzev, 1996
Soul Music, Vuzev, 1997
Guards, Guards, Vuzev, 1998
Men at Arms, Vuzev, 1998
Interesting Times, Vuzev, 1999
Hogfather, Vuzev, 1999
The Last Continent, Vuzev, 2000
Feet of Clay, Vuzev, 2000

Other Books

The Carpet People, Prozorets, A.R.T., 1992
Truckers, Prozorets, A.R.T, 1992
Diggers, Prozorets, A.R.T, 1992
Wings, Prozorets, A.R.T, 1992
Johnny and the Bomb, Prozorets, 1996
Johnny and the Dead, Prozorets, 1997
Good Omens, Prozorets, 2000

>Are there any local clubs?Any activities like meetings or
conventions?
Sorry, but I don't know about something like that... :-((
We, (read people in Bulgaria) are very busy thinking 'bout the daily
survival...
Very Ankh Morporck similar..reality
But I promise to bring the idea to more people...

Regards,
Bozhidar Velikov
velikov@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------
RUSSIA:

I am from Russia. I was born and I live in Moscow (in capital Russia).
Here very much love to read (even in the Metro(Underground)).
I am not an exception. I take a great interest in a  fantasy (russian and
foreign authors).
Here is almost any author of the world in Russian translation now.
I have read the story recently. It was the "The Sea and Little Fishes"
(Russian).
It is excellent. This story has reminded me books of Jerome Klapka Jerome
:))))
I am reading other books from a series of the Discworld now.
The books about the Diskworld are very popular here.
They cost not expensive 0.5-1 $ USA. Editions are 10-25 thousand copies.
But some books is finding difficult now. I hope, that there will be
additional edition.
The books have cover art by Josh Kirby.
Website is in Russian Internet also: http://ploskiymir.virtualave.net
Unfortunately, it has updating  now and will open after 3-4 weeks.
I hope to find there adherents, when it will open again.
In Russian Internet-library are complete texts of many books also....

Please ask me,if you have any questions.
Forgive me for my English :)
I hope, You understand me :)

Bay the way, DISK-WORLD is PLOSKIY-MIR (Russian)
;)

Best regards,

Elena A.Stepanova
Moscow, Russia
www.alenkas.boom.ru/photo
mailto:elena_a_s@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------
2) HOW I DISCOVERED TERRY PRATCHETT

That's an interesting story, actually.  I used to live in Fredericksburg,
VA, known only for its civil war battles and millions of antique stores.  A
friend named Toby Sharpe recommended to me a book about the apocalypse,
called Good Omens, in April of this year.  I had never heard of Terry
Pratchett, but Neil Gaiman was familiar because of his Sandman comics.

I was going on a trip to San Fransico, California by bus and needed books to
read.  So I bought a Neil Gaiman book called Stardust which my older brother
Eric told me had been a comic also.  When I got to San Francisco, I stayed
at a youth hostel called the Green Tortoise (aptly named).  I stayed in a
room with a bloke from Manchester who was touring the world and spending a
week in San Francisco.  We got to talking about our travels (this was my
second trip to SF in less than a month by bus), shared a bottle of
Jagermeister, and swapped stories about books and movies.  I told him about
Good Omens and that I bought another Gaiman book.  He looked at me and asked
if I had ever heard of Terry Pratchett.  Only through Good Omens, I said.
Then he went on to describe the premise behind the Discworld novels and
characters, that if I was interested in satirical fantasy to go with this
prominent British author.  It was a great night, looking down on the streets
of San Francisco, bustling with activity.

So I bought The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic the next day.  And
I've been reading and buying every Discworld book since.  It was prophetic
to be in The Green Tortoise hostel and have Terry Pratchett recommended.
Plus, San Francisco and its crowded streets seem eerily reminiscent of
Ankh-Morpork now.  The Discworld books are incredibly written.  Pratchett's
gift for language is very convincing.  The plethora of characters and their
detailed developments give each book its own life.  It's hard to get certain
Discworld books in Texas, like Reaper Man, Wyrd Sisters, Eric, and Guards!
Guards! for instance.  But now I'm a devoted fan and will try until I have
read all of them.  I'm almost there.  I don't think that I could name a
favorite but Small Gods and The Fifth Elephant are right up there.

-- Josh Turnquist, Austin, TX
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------
HOW I DISCOVERED TERRY PRATCHETT

I am a witch.

Well, at least I think I am.  I was one of those neo-pagan “merry meet and
merry part� sort of women who buy New Age-y books on wicca and make herbal
teas and have a calendar of moon phases and call their cats “familiars.�  I
have always thought it would be neat to have some sort of influence on the
forces that be, and I’ve bought occult jewelry to help with that.  But like
Granny Weatherwax, I don’t particularly like other neo-pagans or witches, and
I’d gotten fed up with how many of them made up histories, bloodlines and
“rules� for witching.

And then in an ad for a sci-fi/fantasy bookclub I saw the cover of Wyrd
Sisters.  “Huh,� I thought, “a fantasy novel about witches… and for
once,
it looks humorous.�  I snagged it, and was thrilled to read about witches who
weren’t necessarily nice or at-one-with-the-universe, and who had their own
problems dealing with the world and each other.  They didn’t just make me
laugh, they made sense, the way the best humor does.  Before I was even
halfway done with Wyrd Sisters, I’d gone out an purchased four more Discworld
novels, because I knew I was on to something good-  something REALLY good.

The Discworld novels improved my view of witchcraft as practiced here.  I’d
been feeling that I should come up with a more “witchy� name along the lines
of “Ravyn Moonbeame� or “Lyonheartte Willowwommann�, but realized that
my
own boring name was just fine.  So was the kitchen knife I’d been ashamed of
wielding as an athame, and I finally figured out I looked crappy in silver
jewelry and other “traditional� pagan garb.  As Terry writes in Carpe
Jugulum, “Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to
be one with an apple-corer.�

Terry teaches things in the best way possible: with humor, and with
philosophies that seemed more like gentle reminders of the common sense we
already possess.  The more I read of Discworld, the less respect for
authorities I have, and the more I respect my knowledge of who I am.
Rincewind is a wizard, despite the fact that magic uses him rather than the
other way around.  Casanunda is the World’s Greatest Lover, despite being a
dwarf.  Carrot Ironfoundersson is a dwarf, despite being human.  And Corporal
Nobbs is a Guardsman, despite being… um, whatever he is.

And thanks to this type of thinking, despite the fact that it’s silly, I am a
witch.

-- Michele Mantynen,  USA
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------

3) FROM THE MAILBAG:

(MINNEAPOLIS, MN, USA)
Dear Joe,

You requested information on local bookstores that specialize in Fantasy
that carry old/used copies of books in the most recent issue of WOSSNAME.

Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA is lucky to have 2 such stores (1 of them with
2 locations even!) that I've had quite a bit of good luck finding hard to
find Fantasy and SF of almost any sort.

Dreamhaven Books (2 locations)
http://www.dreamhavenbooks.com/
I tend to have more luck finding Pratchett at this store (especially the
Lake St location) but both of them are quite a resource for anyone who is
into SF&F, Comics, and some other small press markets. The new Pratchett is
amazingly complete (Domestic and UK) and they get used and old volumes in
fairly often (but they get bought almost as quickly).Mail order is
available (you can get the phone# and etc from the web site).

Uncle Hugo's
They don't have an official website that I can remember but this link at
CitySearch.com should give you the necessary info.
http://twincities.citysearch.com/E/V/MINMN/0003/30/10/
They are actually one of the oldest SF&F bookstores in the world and have a
thoroughly astounding stock of books at all times. Generally, if you can't
get it any where else you can either get it here or they can tell you where
to find it. They also do Mail Order.

I can't wait to see the list of stores you come up with in the next
Wossname (or whenever you finish compiling...).

BTW - I just got back from WorldCon (The World Science Fiction Convention)
in Chicago (ChiCon) this last weekend and I'm surprised that I hadn't heard
from you guys that Terry was going to be there. Unfortunately I didn't get
a chance to see any of his panels but I heard they were very good as usual.
I do believe that they are available on audio cassette for a relatively
small amount for anyone interested. More info can probably be found
somewhere on the Chicon website at http://www.chicon.org.

Thanks

Nathan Stohlmann
nstohlma@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------
(FROM NORWAY:)

To say that my local bookstore is specializing in fantasy is rubbish, but
they seemed to have stocks of allthe old Discworld ones last time I popped
in.  So for Norwegian readers:  Melvaer, Torgalmenningen, Bergen, carries
the English versions in their shop at the middle of the square, left hand
side as viewed from the Blue Rock, local landmark.  Norwegian titles may
pssibly be found same, or in other shop at far end, right hand side of same
square.  Rectangle, actually.  Take a look, anyway.
PÃ¥l.
or
Paul Henriksen, if your alphabet is inadequately developed for the sound å.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------
4) AUDITORS

Dear Editor:

  In the novels that have featured the Auditors, whenever any of
  them showed   any signs of personality they vanished, to be
  immediately replaced by   another. My question is: were the
Auditors who suffered a terminal case of Death at the end of
Hogfather replaced by new auditors, or did the fact that they
were alive when they died (yes, I know that sounds   odd, but
it's true) mean that they were *not* replaced?
-- David Hopkins, Australia

Dear David,
Well, it's been a few months since I read Hogfather, and I'm not a home
so I don't have my copy with me, but as I recall...

As you so rightly pointed out, the Auditors faced certain nonexistence
if they contracted individuality. In essence, they were a manifestation
of the non-individual nature of the universe. Did that make sense? As I
understood them, they were the hands of the omnipresent force in the
universe that reduces all personality and belief down to cold, hard
science.

As far as my understanding goes, the reason they were made weak an able
to be defeated in Hogfather was because they began to take the hunt for
the Hogfather personally. They weren't immediately destroyed, because
they still managed to avoid indivuality; but by turning their appointed
mission into a vendetta, they gained a sufficient quotient of
individual-like characteristics to weaken themselves and cloud their
judgements. As a result, they found themselves trapped in the shapes
they had made for themselves - hunting hounds. As a result, they were
hunted down by Susan and destroyed. Were they replaced? I think almost
surely they were; the personifications may be removed, but the force
continues on unabated. Essentially, they did what all Auditors
eventually do - they gained individuality, and then could no longer
exist.

The role of the Auditors in this book, and in Reaper Man, raises another
interesting question for me, however. The Auditors represent the
overwhelming urge for the universe to rationalise it's existence and put
down indivuality amongst it's elemental forces (such as Death and the
Hogfather, who symbolises Life). They seek to turn Death into a mere
force, rather than the personification that he is. So why, then, do they
appear as grey-robed figures? Surely by doing so, THEY become
personified? I find the Auditors such an interesting concept; it is as
if to exist on the discworld they must constantly court the powers they
despise, namely the power of individuality. Perhaps the Discworld itself
is unable to support the existence of forces such as Life and Death
WITHOUT them being personified. What do the rest of you think? Am I
making sense?

Yours sincerely,

Michael Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------
5) WEBMASTER ABDUCTED BY ALIENS

Perhaps you've noticed that some of our
websites have not been updated for a while.

Phil Allison, our WOSSNAME Webmaster,
has not been heard from for months and is
assumed to have been kidnapped by Mundanians.

If anyone would like to be Webmaster, please
write Joe Schaumburger   jschaum111@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------
6) MEMBER COUNTRIES  (as of September 2000)

     ALGERIA             MEXICO

     AUSTRALIA           THE NETHERLANDS

     BELGIUM             NEW ZEALAND

     BERMUDA             NORWAY

     BULGARIA                POLAND

     CANADA              ROMANIA

     CHINA                   RUSSIA

     CZECH REPUBLIC      SCOTLAND

     DENMARK             SINGAPORE

     ECUADOR             SOUTH AFRICA

     FINLAND             SOUTH KOREA

     FRANCE              SPAIN

     GERMANY             SWEDEN

     ICELAND             TURKEY

     IRELAND             UNITED KINGDOM

     ISRAEL                  UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

     ITALY                   VENEZUELA

*********************************************************************

7) KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION RESOURCES

Each month (well, usually), as well as WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, the
plain text of the newsletter is embellished with fantastic graphics and put
up on the Society Web site,

      http://welcome.to/wossname

As well as the full text of WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, there is also sent
out a much shorter e-mail announcing that the new version of WOSSNAME is
available on the Web.  So, if you'd prefer to receive this shorter
notification, rather than the whole text of WOSSNAME, just let us know!

The announcement list will also be used by other groups in the Klatchian
Foreign Legion, such as by the Bugarup University Students' Guild for
announcing BUNS (see above), so you may want to join that list anyway, even
if you still want to receive the whole text of WOSSNAME by e-mail.  To
subscribe to the announcement list, just go to

      http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/kfl-announce

or send an empty e-mail to

      kfl-announce-subscribe@onelist.com

Also on the subject of the Legion, the Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring has
recently started.  A Webring, in case you don't know, is a group of Web sites
that share a common interest or theme, and have links to one another such
that by following the link, you travel all the way "around the ring",
visiting each site in turn.  In the case of the Legion's Webring, the sites
are those of groups like the North American Discworld Society, the Guild of
Fans and Disciples and the Bugarup University Students' Guild, as well as any
other Web site with an emphasis on regional Pratchett fandom, at anything
from the local level up to the continental level.  To visit the Webring, or
to add your site to it, just visit

      http://travel.to/klatch

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is available in all its glory on the World-Wide Web at:

      http://www.wossname.com

with a more basic text-only version at:

      http://www.onelist.com/messages/WOSSNAME

*********************************************************************
Copyright 2000 by North American Discworld Society

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
October 2000 (Volume 3 Issue 10)

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
and also its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and
other continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail
address.  Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to
join the Guild of Fans and Disciples and receive  discounts on books and
other items sometimes available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************
Acting Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Editor in Chief : Jason Parlevliet (on Paternity Leave)
Managing Editor : Nathan Clissold (buried under books)
Copy Chief : Dylan Williams (not recovered from Olympics)
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director : Becky Swaney
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins <disk@...>
Copyright 2000 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

INDEX:

1. Webmaster Discovered!
2. Hex Programmers
3. The Cinema
4. The Theater
5. From the Mailbag
6. New Planet
7. Member Ads
8. Writers Wanted
9. KFL Resources

1) WEBMASTER DISCOVERED

As you know, we have been trying to fix
our web pages for some time,  but our
webmaster disappeared  last year and
we have been having some problems
finding a replacement and getting the
access codes.  

The good news is that we have gotten a volunteer
for webmaster,  Paul Wilkins of New Zealand, and
we have recovered some old access codes
(that we hope will work) from Andrew Millard,
the previous WN editor.

If anyone would like to join the web team to help
him, e-mail him at <disk@...>

2) HEX PROGRAMMERS

It's a cut-throat world, and none more so than in the rapidly expanding
area of Hexware (well, that and Ankh Morpork at 3 O'Clock Saturday
morning). Every day it seems, there are 50 new programs for you to
teach your ants, most of which disappear without a trace soon after.
How on the Disc can you get your life's work noticed amongst this
deluge?

You need better marketing methods to give your hexware the edge over the
others, and the Faculty of Technomancy R&D Department has been exploring
some exciting new possibilities.

With the recent increases in antwidth, it has become possible to send
programs across the anternet, which has in turn given rise to a concept
known as Shareware. As you know when you purchase a Hex program, you
receive a Queen ant who takes up residence inside your Hex, passing
small blocks of instructions on to worker ants. Generally the Queens
are magically prevented from passing these instructions onto other
Queens. With Shareware this limitation is removed, and you can pass
this program onto as many people as you like simply by your queen
training another queen. The idea is that if you like the program and
continue to use it, you send some money to the entomologist who created
it.

This idea, while very successful in terms of getting your product "out
there", is based on basic human trust and honesty, and thus not at all
profitable for said entomologist. He may as well throw his hat in with
those loonies at the FHF (Free Hexware Foundation).

But now, good old BU thinking has seen us come up with four ideas that
will guarantee you the payment you deserve from the greedy scumbags
who've been using your Hexware for free all this time...

*************************************************

HAGWARE
Upon installation of the Hexware, an ugly smelly old woman will begin
loitering outside your house, leering and cackling at visitors and
passersby. In addition, each time the program is run, she will come
into your house, eat your food, mess up your kitchen and kick your cat.
Once you have paid for the Hexware you installed, the apparition is
banished and life returns to normal, except for your cat who cringes in
the corner every time Nana comes to visit.

CRIPPLEWARE
These programs can be copied and installed freely, but can only be run
when the user has both arms tied behind their back. Once payment is
made, the program runs without the aforementioned bondage.

WOLFWARE
If payment is not made within 28 days of installing this product, the
owner is struck down with a terrible case of lycanthropy. After this
point you can probably charge them double or even triple to remove the
curse...err, that is, register the Hexware, as they will be desperate to
avoid killing their few remaining loved ones.

DEMOWARE
If the user doesn't pay within a set time period, they and their house
are teleported into the Guild of Alchemists. This can make it difficult
to retrieve money from them, as within a few seconds they are generally
turned into a crimson fresco by some failed experiment, but it is fun!
And word will soon get around.

***********************************************

So no more will the bright young Hexware entomologist starve in the
streets while the rest of the Disc gets fat on the fruits of his
labour. These patented new technologies from the Faculty of Technomancy
provide you with opportunities for revenue, riches...and retribution.

Jason Parlevliet - Director of Acronyms
Faculty of Technomancy
Bugarup University
XXXX

3) THE CINEMA

Small article on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB.com)

Celebrity News: 24th October 2000

Gilliam to Direct Pratchett Film
Terry Gilliam is set to direct a film version of Terry Pratchett's
bestseller Good Omens (2002). The movie's plot centers on
an angel and a demon who are sent together on a mission to
track down the Antichrist, who has been lost somewhere on
Earth. It is scheduled to begin filming in Britain toward the
end of 2001.

4) THE THEATER

Blak Yak Theatre Presents...
Terry’s Fifth Discworld Book
SOURCERY

Explosions!  Harem girls!  Apes!  What more could a sane person ask for -
other then jelly?!  In fact what more could I say to sell the show?  I mean
let’s face it, if you’re reading this here, you must be a bit of a fan - so
I’m not going to bother telling you what it’s about.  So I’ll tell you
what
we’ve included in the adaptation.

Yes Rincewind is there, the Librarian, people being turned inside out, the
Four Horsemen of the Apocralypse, the Luggage, the Patrician, Wuffles, and a
quite a lot else.  Here are some comments from people who have all ready
seen it:

"As colourful as a jelly-bean vomit underneath a flashing neon sign."
- Some famous art critic guy

"(Sourcery) is a philosophical and thought provoking show, giving a rare
insight into the human condition."
- Some guy who saw the wrong show

"Hand me the spatula and find me a wombat!"
- The director during rehearsals

November - All venues in Perth, Western Australia
3rd, 4th @ The Kwinana Arts Centre, Sulphur Rd, Kwinana
8th, 10th, 11th @ The Xanten Centre, Treasure Rd, Queens Park
15th, 17th, 18th @ The Don Russel Performing Arts Centre, Murdoch Rd,
Thornlie
* Come dressed up as your favourite Discworld character on the 10th and win
prizes!

Tickets: $12 Concession, $14 Adult
Bookings: 0500 52 52 59
Info: danieljsloan@...
http://www.retro2000.qgl.org/blakyak

5) FROM THE MAILBAG

Dear Editor:

TP makes a point in books with Death in them telling the reader that cats
can see him, and that they quite like him.

Having two cats, George and Clyde, that see things at times that are
obviously beyond my perception, I can't help wondering if he is right.
I'd like to see him expand on this idea and maybe revolve a story around a
particular cat or group of cats that Death comes into contact with. (this is
probably because Death is my favourite character!!) Whadda ya reckon?

--  Daniel Lato (Australia)  <latod@...>

Dear Editor:

I don't know about America, but here in Israel Pratchett's books arrive
absolutely randomly, and it's sheer luck that we got T5E so quickly. But hold
tight, it'll get there! :)
Meanwhile, I'd love to discuss any other Discworld novel, so name the time
and name the book :). I, personally, loved "Carpe Jugulum" and "Maskerade".
How 'bout you?

Estrella Talianker (Israel) <talianke@... >

6) NEW PLANET

NEW PLANET DISCOVERED...
IS DISCWORLD CLOSER THAN WE THINK?

Earth hails newfound sibling: EB173
By Dan Vergano, USA TODAY

Astronomers have discovered a minor planet between Neptune and Pluto.

Known as 2000 EB173, the ball of rock and ice is perhaps as large as 373
miles in diameter, about one-fourth the size of Pluto (or about the distance
from Boston to Buffalo). It was discovered by an international team led by
Gustavo Bruzual of Venezuela's CIDA astronomy center and Charles Baltay of
Yale University. They plan to report the finding of the "plutino" in
Astronomical Journal Letters .

Thousands of minor planets orbit the sun, objects such as asteroids, comets
and smaller plutinos. But if confirmed, EB173 would be second in size only to
the asteroid Ceres, which is between Mars and Jupiter.

"It's a new object, the brightest one out there past Neptune," says Yale
astronomer David Rabinowitz, a member of the discovery team, which included
researchers from Indiana University and Venezuela's University of the Andes.

They sifted the object from 600,000 hits recorded by a special telescope that
covered a field of vision about 200 times larger than conventional
telescopes, using detectors originally designed to measure subatomic particle
tracks during physics experiments.

EB173 is large and bright enough for amateur astronomers armed with 12-inch
telescopes to make out in January, when Earth's orbit carries it onto the
same side of the sun as the plutino.

"It's pretty massive; it's amazing things like that are still lurking out
there," says astrophysicist Alan Boss of the Carnegie Institution of
Washington, D.C. He heads an International Astronomical Union (IAU) working
group that has long wrangled over the definition of a planet, a subject of
contention among astronomers.

In recent years, some scientists have questioned whether puny Pluto,
one-fifth the diameter of Earth, deserves to be considered a planet.

Sizewise, Boss says, both Ceres and EB173 dwell in a gray area between
planets and asteroids. Astronomers classify finds like the plutino as
"trans-Neptunian" or "Kuiper Belt" objects, a reference to a ring of cometary
materials just outside the orbit of Pluto.

Broadly, the IAU group agrees that a planet should independently orbit a
star, possess enough gravity to shape itself into a sphere and weigh at least
100,000 billion billion grams. EB173 just misses the last mark, Boss says.

The reddish surface of the sphere, which orbits 39.2 times farther from the
sun than Earth does (about 3.6 billion miles away), may have a tarlike
covering baked by radiation over billions of years.

Astronomers have spotted about 300 tinier ice balls beyond Neptune. Three
faint Kuiper Belt objects beyond Pluto may rival the plutino in size,
Rabinowitz says.

Similar planetary seeds perhaps grew, by feeding on comets, to form Uranus
and Neptune, Boss says.

Pluto or EB173 might have grown, too, if more comets were at the edge of the
solar system for another snowball effect to take place.

7) MEMBER ADS
(All member ads are run without charge.)

CANADA

PRIMEDIA, a volunteer run media convention, is proud to announce that it
will have two signed Terry Pratchett books available at its annual charity
auction.

The auction is held to support GEMS of Hope, an organization founded to
assist in third world development.

The auction will be held on November 12, at the Airport Days Inn, 6257
Airport Rd., Toronto.

The books, Lords and Ladies and Moving Pictures, have been provided by
Terry through his agent Colin Smythe.

For more information, you can check the PRIMEDIA website at
http://www.interlog.com/~kcozens/primedia, or contact us at
primedia@... or at (905) 820-3844.

8) NEW WRITERS WANTED

We're looking for new writers for WOSSNAME.  If you'd like to
be a published author, dash off a few paragraphs on "How I
Discovered Terry Pratchett" or "My Favorite Discworld Novel"
and send it in to <jschaum111@...>

*********************************************************************
9) KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION RESOURCES

Each month (well, usually), as well as WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, the
plain text of the newsletter is embellished with fantastic graphics and put
up on the Society Web site,

http://welcome.to/wossname

As well as the full text of WOSSNAME going out by e-mail, there is also sent
out a much shorter e-mail announcing that the new version of WOSSNAME is
available on the Web.  So, if you'd prefer to receive this shorter
notification, rather than the whole text of WOSSNAME, just let us know!

The announcement list will also be used by other groups in the Klatchian
Foreign Legion, such as by the Bugarup University Students' Guild for
announcing BUNS (see above), so you may want to join that list anyway, even
if you still want to receive the whole text of WOSSNAME by e-mail.  To
subscribe to the announcement list, just go to

http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/kfl-announce

or send an empty e-mail to

kfl-announce-subscribe@onelist.com

Also on the subject of the Legion, the Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring has
recently started.  A Webring, in case you don't know, is a group of Web sites
that share a common interest or theme, and have links to one another such
that by following the link, you travel all the way "around the ring",
visiting each site in turn.  In the case of the Legion's Webring, the sites
are those of groups like the North American Discworld Society, the Guild of
Fans and Disciples and the Bugarup University Students' Guild, as well as any
other Web site with an emphasis on regional Pratchett fandom, at anything
from the local level up to the continental level.  To visit the Webring, or
to add your site to it, just visit

http://travel.to/klatch

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is available in all its glory on the World-Wide Web at:

http://www.wossname.com

with a more basic text-only version at:

http://www.onelist.com/messages/WOSSNAME

*********************************************************************
Copyright 2000 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
November 2000 (Volume 3 Issue 11)

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
and also its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and
other continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail
address.  Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to
join the Guild of Fans and Disciples and receive  discounts on books and
other items sometimes available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers:
Geof Johns
Michael Jones
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2000 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

INDEX:

Part 1
1. Reports from The Klatchian Foreign Legion
          Spain
           India
2. Letters to the Editor
3. Review of  THE  TRUTH - Geof Johns
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2
4. Review of THE TRUTH  - Apatite the Troll
5. From the Desk of the Patrician
6. A Word from Michael Jones
7. Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring
*************************************************************************
1) REPORTS  FROM THE LEGION'S FAR-FLUNG OUTPOSTS

SPAIN:
----------
Hi Joe!

Here I am again... Sorry if you haven't heard from me
lately but I've been busy. Now the Spanish Language Branch
of the KFL is set to a force of about 100 (and, as we
say, "y subiendo"...) AND some recruits have begun
to make themselves seen in magazines, etc. holding
DW books. (It's quite fun to see, just visit
http://mundodisco.dreamers.com/kfl.htm)

And well, that was all. Could you spread the word in
WOSSNAME? And perhaps remind Spanish-speaking people
out there that they can begin receiving El Puercoespin
just by sending a blank email to mundodisco-subscribe@egroups.com

Best wishes,

MANU

Manuel Viciano Delibano

PS: Here's that song you wanted from our latest issue:

Al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder
----------------------------------------------------------

Seguro que la zoofilia es algo divertido
Pero te he de decir, para que estés advertido:
Con casi todos los animales se puede hacer
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

Sus espinas son punzantes como saetas,
Y siempre te las clavarás cuando se la metas.
Creo que el intentarlo te va a decepcionar
¡Al puercoespín no te lo puedes follar!

Montar a caballo suele ser divertido
También a un elefante, a pesar de sus kilos,
Incluso a un ratón (con su culo pequeñajo)
Pero al puercoespín no podrás meterle el carajo.

Son tan grandes las púas de su espalda
Que te provocará un terrible escozor de nalgas.
Y cuando te ve se hace una bola para su ojete ocultar.
¡Así que al puercoespín no te lo puedes tirar!

Si te follas a una vaca, no te importe que muja,
Que seguro que disfruta más que tú la granuja,
Prueba con un tigre, si te llegas a atrever,
Pero al puercoespín no se le puede joder.

Refresca mucho hacérselo a un pescado
Y seguro que a nuestras mascotas les va el sado.
E incluso a la jirafa (con lo alta que es)
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

Follar con serpientes aunque arriesgado es muy bello,
E igual de emocionante que tirarte a un camello.
Jode a un caracol si su ritmo puedes adoptar
Pero al puercoespín jamás te lo podrás follar.

INDIA:
---------
THE FRESH START CLUB IN INDIA

By BARRY BEARAK

Azamgarh, India: Lal Bihari, founder of the Association of Dead People, first
learned he was deceased when he applied for a bank loan in 1975.
Proof of identity was required for the transaction. But when Bihari came here
to
Azamgarh, the district capital, he was told he could no longer be who he said
he
was. Official records listed him as dead, something that had allowed his
uncle
to inherit Bihari's share of the family's ancestral farmland.

"Take a look for yourself," insisted the lekhpal, the low-level bureaucrat
who
kept the appropriate books, Bihari recalled. "It is all written here in the
registry."

Death was a disconcerting change of circumstance, and Bihari was especially
annoyed to hear of it from the lekhpal, a man he knew well and with whom he
had
recently had tea.

Bihari's legal resurrection was accomplished in a mere 19 years, and in the
process, Bihari, a poorly educated merchant, found his mission in life:
championing the cause of the similarly expunged.

In July, a High Court judge ordered the state of Uttar Pradesh to publish
advertisements seeking out the living dead, and then to revive them in the
public records.

"As the bureaucrats once feared the devil, they now fear the Association of
Dead
People," said Bihari, 45, who clearly enjoys the stir he is causing.
It is still too early to make an accurate estimate of how many of the legally
dead are biologically alive, but the known cases most often involve family
fraud, and the reason for the in-fighting comes from a severe shortage of
land.
India's population now tops a billion, and as property has been subdivided
repeatedly among ever more heirs, some farmers are left to eke out a
living with plots no bigger than a tennis court.

Declaring someone dead to inherit his land may seem a preposterous ruse,
especially if the dearly departed is decidedly evident. But slippery deeds
often
require nothing more than a greased palm.

Bihari said he later found out that his own phony demise had cost his uncle
about $US25 ($48), which is not an inconsiderable sum. A hit man could have
been
hired for half as much.

These days, Bihari can serve as quite an unusual tour guide, introducing
visitors to the spuriously dead throughout the area.

In Mubarakpur there is Bhagwan Prashad Mishra, a spry man at 80, who has been
officially deceased since 1979. Mishra said he had lost his land to conniving
nephews.

Ansar Ahmed, 48, lives with his widowed mother in Madhnapar. He was recorded
as
dead in 1982, when his brother took control of the family's small rice paddy.
One recent morning, Bihari returned to Khalilabad, where many of those who
long
pretended he was dead now treat him with demonstrative respect.
Pati Ram, Bihari's cousin, warmly greeted the man whose death was once a
vital
part of his family's mythology. "We have done him a great injustice," he said
meekly.

The two cousins sat on a cot under the shade of a tree. The sky above was
blue,
the air sweet, the breezes serene. It was good to be alive.

-- The New York Times
******************************************************************************

***
2)  LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

Hi! my name is Gaby. I live in Tijuana, Mexico and am very interested in
getting on your email list. The first novels of Discworld I read were in
Spanish and I found them hilarious. Then I found out I could read 'em in
English too, so now my only problem is that some of the first ones are not
available near the place I live (San Diego, CA).
My e-mail is alleycatmx@...

I would really love it if I could comunicate with people who like the same
stuff that I do, since fantasy is not a  big hit with Spanish-speaking
people. I know of only three other persons in this city that like fantasy as
much as I do, and one of them is my sister!

So I expect to hear from you as soon as posible and thank you very much!!

-- Gaby

Dear Editor:

Mr Pratchett has written so many books that I can't even count them. (my
math skills are limited to counting with my fingers). In the books there are
so many characters, that at least one of those has to be Mr Pratchett
himself.

As you are able to see, I like logical argumentations,  where every argument
is a consistent step of the last one...and can be easily derived from the last
one ...Back to the question: Who and Where in his books is somebody or
something Terry Pratchett?

-- Moritz Schimpe
******************************************************************************

*****
3) THE TRUTH -- a personal view (isn't it always?) by Geof Johns

At first sight the Discworld looks like a tiny corner of the sci-fi fantasy
realm
- a realm which is itself often regarded as a cul-de -sac of literature.
Imagine
a tiny tent in a vast desert.  But when you flick open the entry flap and look
inside - all of a sudden there is everywhere and everything.  It's big enough
for all our worldviews not to touch the sides - or even each other.

I'm always surprised when I read how other people see Terry Pratchett's
Discworld novels.  I've been reading lists of people's favourites lately and
they're all so different - different from mine and different from each other.

Attempting a review of a Discworld novel might not be wise - it can only be
personal. I'm of the generation that cried when we finished reading the last
page
of the Lord of the Rings because we knew that the best party was in our heads
and we didn't want to go home  - that drew on our love of board games and
puzzles, as beautifully intricate as Faberge eggs, to invent Dungeons
and Dragons (yep, I know Gary Gygax really invented D&D but he was kinda
cusping the wave for all of us.) - that never forgot the wonder of our first
descent
into a world of goblins and wizardry - lost forever when someone calculated
the exact percentile roll required by a chaotic and left handed vicar to
damage
an agoraphobic gnoll with a broken morning-star - that so discovered humour
and Douglas Adams - that spent  months waiting for him to finish lunch long
enough
to write another novel and, while we were waiting, discovered "The Colour of
Magic".

Terry Pratchett kept me amused for a couple of years.  Then, all of a sudden,
things changed.  "Guards, Guards!",  "Witches Abroad", "Small Gods" and Men at
Arms" (for me) changed the genre forever.  The Discworld ecology of ideas and
breadth of humanity reached take-off speed.  Until I read the confrontation
between Granny Weatherwax and the Queen of the Elves I had no idea that I
could
even now be brought to tears by the written word. I don't think there is a
Discworld novel that I have not re-read.  There are things that delight in
all of them,
but after a while things seemed to plateau and maybe subside.  "Maskerade"
was a clever outing for the witches but in "Carpe Jugulum" they seemed to have
run out of steam.  "Hogfather" lost its way in plot and "Feet of Clay" put
the watch through their paces efficiently enough - but the magic wasn't
there.  "The Last Continent" was - well - tax deductible.

I thought that Terry Pratchett had gone the way of now all but forgotten
authors
such as Jerome K. Jerome and Anthony Hope (ok he had taken a lot more novels
to
do it!).   But then there was "the Fifth Elephant" and it seemed the Watch
had a little more mileage.  Vimes grew in stature even as he grew in
bewilderment and in the Low King, the Discworld found, perhaps, its Nelson
Mandela, albeit unexpectedly. Now there is "The Truth"- a book I love for its
craftsmanship. I'll confess right now that I'm not smart enough or erudite
enough to review a book.  Joe asked for my thoughts and here they are. An
uncharitable part of my brain essayed the idea that Terry Pratchett was
dredging up his experiences as a provincial newspaperman to keep the series
running.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

It is as if the story had been kept under wraps for twenty odd novels until
the
Discworld  - more specifically, Ankh- Morpork had evolved to the point where
it was ready to be told. The hero, William de Worde, is one of Terry
Pratchett's juves.
Apart from a couple of superficialities he could be inter-changeable with say
Teppic in"Pyramids" or Victor Tubelbend in "Moving Pictures".

It reminds me of what we seemed to have learnt form artificial intelligence
and
robotics.  If you want to create a really interesting situation, don't create
a
complex entity - rather put a simple entity into a complex environment.
William de Worde, a simple entity, is plunged into an Ankh-Morpork just ready
for the advent of newspapers.

It seems a common theme on the Discworld that a lone protagonist, when on a
roll,
attracts to them a surrogate family.  The dwarfs in this tale are a long way
from
those in Uberwald in "The Fifth Elephant".  They are in the heroes best friend
mould without quite slipping into "hiho hiho".  Otto Chriek, a vampire "on ze
vagon" - extending the idea from "The Fifth Elephant" is exactly the sort of
chum
any of us would want to have standing next to them in the trenches - except
that
he goes to pieces in unusual circumstances with some regularity.

To my mind though, the character most likely to get a re-run in a future
Discworld novel is Sacharissa, a newswoman who can think in headlines.  Is it
just my view, or can Terry Pratchett write women as least as well as he can
write
men? One of the delights of "The Truth" is in Terry Pratchett's handling of
his cast
of repertory players.  You or I might have thought that the Dean would be an
easy
choice for the cameo role played by the Bursar.  But I think the Bursar works
better.  Similarly, it seems a surprise to see Hughnon, the less seen
Ridcully,
in one of those telling vignettes with the Patrician, rather than his brother,
Mustrom.  It works, though - effectively and economically.  That's what I
think
we are seeing in this novel - Terry Pratchett remembering all the rules he
learnt
as a young journalist.    There is little hint of self-indulgence or whimsy -
the story pushes on.

Then there are the villains.  A piece of my mind tells me that it isn't right
to make Mr Pin and Mr Tulip funny (which Terry Pratchett does) or to invest
them with any portion of humanity (which he also does).  Their real world
equivalents
do not, I suspect, deserve such treatment.  I've just read on a web-site that
they are parodies of two characters in a recent novel that I haven't read -
but
surely they go back further than that in the resonances of the mind - right
back
throughout history, I fear.  Sick people with money, ego and fears always seem
to have a need for people like Mr. Pin and Mr. Tulip. Even if they don't
society
throws them up anyway.  So, there are the Kray Brothers (the original "old
firm")
and their parody, Doug and Dinsdale Piranha (the original "new firm".  They
are
Ernest Hemingway's "The Killers" - particularly in the 1964 film starring Lee
Marvin.  And there's a touch of Robbie Coltrane" in "Nuns on the Run".  Come
to
think of it, I'd pay money to see Coltrane and Idle playing Pratchett's
baddies.

There is nothing more sinister than a comic when you tell them that they can
stop
being funny. I was a bit concerned that some early reviews of "The Truth"
suggested that the Watch would be shown from a new and less sympathetic
angle.
I guess that my premonitions arose as much as anything from "Discworld Noir"
where Vimes makes a brief and (to my mind) uncharacteristic appearance
(er.. you have to be a werewolf listening at the doors in the patricians
palace - read the walk-through.) I have to say, the treatment of the Watch in
"The Truth" works well.

It isn't so much a different angle - it's more that the camera pans back.
The
characters speak and act exactly as the would in a Watch centered novel.  The
difference is that we have no commentary on what they think and feel.  To my
mind Angua is drawn especially well -in just a few lines.  "The Truth" could
easily have been a Watch novel - an interesting intellectual exercise for
anyone with time on
their hands.  But it wouldn't have been "The Truth".  And it wouldn't have
worked
so well. Terry Pratchett's multi-layered resonances continue to be enigmatic.
  In the
space of a few lines we overhear a practice session form the Guild of
Conjurers.

Those of us who recognise that we are listening to the voice of Tommy Cooper
(a
great British Comic of the 70s and 80s but I suspect little known outside the
UK or to anyone under 30) can raise a little extra smile.  It seems a strange
extravagance though for an author who manages his franchise so well.

Is the novel about the truth?  I guess so - in a way.  De Worde's truth is
what
the people need to know.  Sacharissa's truth is what people want to know.
Vime's
truth is what he wants to know - mostly who did it.  Then there is eternal
truth
compared to the truth wrapped around tomorrow's fish and chip.  Don't expect
deep
philosophy but some big questions get a brief toss on the spatula of comedy.

At the end though, the hero of this novel is the Discworld itself - more
specifically it is Ankh-Morpork the lightning rod that connects the Discworld
to what passes for us as reality.  You get to think and laugh at the same
time.
Painless thought is as good as painless dentistry. Don't know about you but I,
for one, want to know what happens next.
******************************************************************************
*
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Part 2 - continued

******************************************************************************

***
4) APATITE THE TROLL reviews THE TRUTH
(c) Michael Jones 2000 (Discworld and characters copyright Terry and Lyn
Pratchett)

CASE FILE #7682 - The Case of the Murderous City Boss

Well, it all started off when dis human, William de Worde, got in with
'dese dwarves. The dwarves were runnin' a new machine that made lots of
paper with writin' on it. William de Worde was writin' a letter of news,
but den what he put in it made lots of people mad. Mister Vimes, he put
William de Worde under special survay...surv...watching, but then William
wrote some fings that made Mister Vimes mad too. My cousin Rocky, he was
workin' with Mr. de Worde as security, and he said that there were all
sorts of people tryin' to kill him. Then the Patrician tried to kill
someone, and two people came to Ankh-Morpork and tried to kill LOTS of
people, and then all hell really broke loose.

Someone wrote it all down, though. Even when the fire started. It usually
is der fing that happens in Ankh-Morpork.

END OF CASE FILE #7682

It's here!

The long awaited latest Discworld novel has hit the shelves, and it is a
first in a number of ways. It is the first Discworld novel to enjoy a
simultaneous international release, which means that by the time this
edition of WOSSNAME hits your inboxes, most people around the world will at
least have seen it on the shelves. It is the 25th Discworld novel, the
silver biblio-versary, and so comes complete with a funky silver banner on
the cover. And it is also the first Discworld novel in several releases to
introduce to a new set of characters.

For all fans of the Discworld series, this novel is an absolute must read.
Let me make no mistake. While the previous few novels have been slightly
disappointing, and in places lacking in the formula that made the earlier
novels (such as Reaper Man, Men At Arms, and Feet of Clay) so enjoyable,
this new effort takes the essence of the Discworld - sophisticated humour,
fiendishly clever satire, characters that are projected from the page
straight into the hind brain - tips it with platinum and rams it straight
into your imagination.

As Apatite so deftly explained, "The Truth" introduces us to new
characters, the main and most interesting one being William de Worde, the
self-exiled scion of the Lords de Worde and proprietor of a tiny business,
"Thynges Written Downe". As most of you will have read either the Updated
Discworld Companion or the publicity for "The Truth" (or at least the
inside cover and the first couple of pages of the book, or you're not
really _trying_...) you will know that William de Worde is the author of a
Letter of News. This Letter of News is one that is sent to the notables of
the Disc - Lady Margolotta of Uberwald, King Verence II of Lancre, and the
Seriph of Al Khali, as well as many others. William lives a comfortable
life devoid of fulfillment, until rumour catches up with him. The rumour
that the Dwarves can turn Lead into Gold...

There are a number of things that make "The Truth" possibly the best
Discworld novel ever. For a start, it strikes a balance that previous
Discworld books have lacked. Books introducing new characters invariably
lacked depth, jumping on the "laugh" pedal until it broke. The "sequel"
books, on the other hand, usually went in gung-ho on the character
development, at the expense of humour and spontaneity. "The Truth" is the
first Discworld book that combines the two with such a successful formula.
"The Truth" introduces us to a wide array of new characters - not just the
main characters, but the side characters as well; and even manages to makes
old characters new, such as the Watch. In the course of the book, the
character we see developing most of all is the city itself; previous
changes made to Ankh Morpork are gathered in this book and fitted together
the way they should be.

Previous Discworld books have tended to use the plot as merely a device for
showing off the characters and trotting out jokes. There have been
exceptions, of course, and this is one of the best. In "The Truth", the
plot is an integral part of the story, it's intricacies bringing the
characters together and serving to make the novel so much more riveting
than some of the previous incarnations. And it is also funny. Very, very
funny. Nearly every second line contained some kind of joke or humorous
situation, and this reviewer knows that he managed to miss half of them. To
get the full effect of the humour from this book, you'll have to read it at
least twice. Look out for the Harpsichord scene - one of my favourites.

Without spoiling the plot, I'd like to mention two new characters that have
appeared in this book. Parodies of characters from both our own world of
movies, as well as a mark of respect to another author (points for guessing
who), Mr. Pin and Mr. Tulip are two of the most fun, most interesting, most
funny, and most freakish villains I have ever seen in a Discworld novel.
Remember Teatime? Worse than him. Pin and Tulip steal any passage of the
book they are in (before selling it or trying to inhale it). Certainly I'd
advise against giving this book to younger children to read because of the
sheer level of violence and bemused horror these two manage to bring to
this novel. "The Truth" manages to wend it's way right into the very center
of the imagination, and I found that, with the intervention of Pin, Tulip,
and the other new characters, I was glued to this book to the very last
pages, and found the ending both powerful, and disturbing.

If this book has a fault (and, like Granny Weatherwax, I contrive to
suggest that this is only a theoretical possibility) it tends to fall into
the same trap that the previous few Discworld novels have, by trotting out
old characters merely to show that they exist. Perhaps the Discworld is
getting crowded! Admittedly, this novel does so with much less frequency
than previous novels, but in one scene in particular, the Patrician's
dialogue is so out of character that it becomes obvious that Pratchett is
simply trying to create a link between this novel and previous novels set
in Ankh-Morpork.

To conclude, if you are a Discworld fan, this book is a must-read. It
cannot be missed. It brings the full force of the Discworld magic back into
action with a flash of octarine that even Ridcully would be proud of. And
if you're not a Discworld fan, read it anyway, because there's a damn good
chance it might convince you. Watch out for the many, many references to
the world of print (and other) media and journalism - the worst part about
this novel is the sheer volume of hidden and obscure references that I KNOW
I've missed (and no new Annotated Pratchett File to help me, either!)

Hope you enjoy reading "The Truth". The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret...

Complexity of Plot      *****   5 Clubs-With-Nails-In
You'll have to read this many times, and you STILL won't get it all...

Humour                  *****   5 Clubs-With-Nails-In
I tried to fault it, but I couldn't - it's utterly hilarious. Just the
presence of Pin and Tulip ensures a Five CWNI rating...

Hidden References       ****    4 Clubs-With-Nails-In
I've given it a Four CWNI rating because, although I'm sure there are
hundreds of references to the world of print media and journalism, most of
them are quite obscure - they're there, I know they're there, I just don't
understand them...

Minor/New Characters    *****   5 Clubs-With-Nails-In
No faulting them. Not a single boring or unnecessary character in this
book. Some character only have one line and still manage to be hilarious...

Old Characters          ****.   4.5 Clubs-With-Nails-In
Why a four and a half? Some of the Patrician's dialogue was a bit
stilted...but I can't fault the rest, the old characters who were back were
shown in a different light and still managed to come up trumps.

Overall         *****   5 Clubs-With-Nails-In
I can't fault this book. I honestly think it's the best Discworld book I've
ever read. If it doesn't quite rate Five Clubs With Nails In, it at least
rates Four Clubs With Nails In and a small Plank With Nails In.
******************************************************************************

*******
5) FROM THE DESK OF THE PATRICIAN
- HOGSWATCH CORRESPONDENCE
(c) Michael Jones 2000 (Discworld and characters
copyright Terry and Lyn Pratchett)

Pseudopolis Yard
To: Lord Vetinari, Patrician

My Lord Patrician,

It is with respect I write to you this Hogswatch Season. May I bring the
following matters to your attention.

1) With respect I request that you limit the number of engagements that
myself and my wife are invited to during this Hogswatch season. Hogswatch
is traditionally a busy time for the Watch, and I seem to once again have
misplaced my ceremonial Ducal outfit.

2) Once more, the Watch finds itself short staffed. Hogswatch is a time for
drinking, revelling, and as a result, a general time of unlawfulness all
around. Have you considered our request for extra staff?

Your faithful servant,
Vimes

From the Oblong Office
To: His Grace the Duke of Ankh, Commander of the Watch

Your Grace,

With respect to your request for further staff, it has come to my attention
that a member of your staff, Corporal C. W. St. J. Nobbs, has pioneered the
practice of a "Funeral Rota"; funerals of nominated relatives not taken by
Golems, Gargoyles, the undead, and others who do not have relatives, are
being divided up amongst other men (etc.) of the Watch. Thus far, it
appears that Corporal C. W. St. J. Nobbs has accepted the lion's share of
these funerals, and Mr. Garwell of the Guild of Embalmers and Allied
Trades, also the caretaker of the Ankh Morpork City Graveyard, has twice
had to chase down corpses that have attempted to run away from the
graveyard when Mr. Nobbs is present. I trust you will rectify the situation.

Vetinari

[Memo: Drumknott, please add His Grace Vimes and Lady Ramkin to
my invitation list to the Guild of Assassin's and Guild
of Thieves' Hogswatch Balls.]

----

Your Grace Patrician,

I am writing to offer a complaint regarding the actions of the Watch on
this 22nd Day of Ember. Last night, as part of my annual Hogswatch
Festivities, I had retained Mr. Horace Kipe, of Chitterling Street, in his
annual Hogfather costume. While on their usual rounds, Constable Visit of
the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and his companion intervened in the usual
display and began preaching his unholy Omnian religion.

On the complaints of parents, our security (consisting of Mr. Laggard
"Knife" Jackard and Edifice the Troll) attempted to discourage Constable
Visit and his partner Corporal C. W. St. J. Nobbs. The resulting brawl
resulted in losses due to the evacuation of parents and children, and
extensive damage to my premises, in particular when the Stupid Well Armed
Troll team were called in to calm the situation.

I trust you will take the appropriate action.

Your faithful servant,
J. H. Bellingham.



Pseudopolis Yard
To: Lord Vetinari, Patrician

My Lord Patrician,

With regard to recent events concerning the department store Bellinghams
and members of my Watch, may I clarify the following points.

1) We were in pursuit of Mr. Horace Kipe, also known as Horace
"Guts'n'Tripe" Kipe, after discovering his wife and children and their
alleged wounds as a result of an alleged assault by an allegedly
intoxicated Horace Kipe.

2) Mr. Horace Kipe was seen in disguise as the Hogfather, with several
children on his lap which, considering the above point, we considered an
unwise action on the behalf of Mr. J. H. Bellingham.

3) On attempting to intervene and speak to Mr. Horace Kipe, constable Visit
was shouted at by Mr. Bellingham, who was heard by my watchmen to say "Get
the Omnian b*****d, get security down here."

4) Mr. Laggard "Knife" Jackard, and Edifice the Troll are currently under
investigation by the Cable Street Particulars with regards to possible
connections with the Breccia and Chrysoprase the Troll.

5) Mr. J. H. Bellingham is also currently under investigation but common
sense suggests that someone who is idiot enough to let a drunk
wife-and-child beater dress up as the Hogfather and sit kids on their lap
is already guilty of terminal stupidity.

Vimes.

[Memo: Drumknott, remind me of this when Mr. Kipe appears
before me this afternoon. And arrange for the new development
application for the next Temple of Om to be approved. I
believe there is a vacant lot next to Bellinghams.]

----

DEaR PaTriSHUN,

Dogs in This SIty coNTInu to bE treATED pOrLY. HOgsWaTCh is A tIMe tHAT foR
MEny iNvOLvs drINkiNg aND REveLING. FOr pupPYs, IT ofFEN mEENs BEIng THRone
iN the ANK tHe DAy aFTEr HOGswATChdaY, WHIch iS QUitE PaNeFul. PLeaSE
CONSiDEr MAKEIng WuFFLes a HApy DoG by TAkiNg oN soME fREndS foR hiM. A DOg
is FOR eVa, not jUST uNTiL the fOOd gEtS EXpeNsIv.

A DoG LUvER

[Memo: Drumknott, have the kitchen put the standard pork bones
out for Foul Ole Ron and his companion. And dispose of this
letter appropriately. It's a little too damp to burn.]

----

668 Elm Street
The Fresh Start Club

Your Grace Lord Vetinari,

I believe that you are aware of our organisation. As you are well aware,
the Undead and differently alive of this city are a vital, or perhaps I
should say, non vital, component of this wonderful city of ours. In
previous years, our Hogswatch soirees have been small affairs. This year,
however, through the sterling efforts of one of our newest patrons, Mr.
Slant, we have been able to hire one of the main function rooms in the
Ankh-Morpork Opera House. We are expecting approximately 200 members of
differently vital status, as well as a representation from the Lawyer's
Guild, which is, as you know, one of the more influential guilds in the city.

Would you honour us with your attendance?

Your servant,
Mr. Reginald Shoe

[Memo: Drumknott, must I really attend, do you think?]
[I believe it would be prudent, my Lord.]
[Very well. Send the standard letter of acceptance.
And add His Grace Vimes and Lady Ramkin to this invitation
list as well.]

----

From the Desk of the Archchancellor
Unseen University
Ankh Morpork

My Lord Patrician,

It has become the news of rumour that plans to reintroduce property tax on
Sator Square and that part of the city known as Unreal Estate are currently
on the agenda of yours and the Council of Lords. This rumour was featured
most recently in the Ankh Morpork Times. I take this opportunity to remind
you that such policies have been mooted before by previous Patricians, with
little success. Often, having a large Dragon roost on the city during
Hogswatch festivities makes Patricians unpopular.

Also, I believe you are still considering the proposal that all Wizards be
accorded an automatic invitation to all City functions as a mark of respect
for our standing within Ankh-Morpork?

Yours faithfully,
Mustrum Ridcully the Brown, Mage of the Seventh Level, Archchancellor
Unseen University



From the Oblong Office
To: Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully

Archchancellor,

Plans to reintroduce tax to your extensive holdings in this city are not
currently on the agenda of our council, as we certainly understand that
habitation by foul creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions often offends.
Your proposal regarding the attendance of wizards at all city functions has
been considered but, following strenuous objections from the Guild of
Caterers, it is with regret I must announce that we cannot pursue it further.

I hope this finds you and your faculty in good health.

Vetinari

[Memo: Drumknott, make an appointment for Mr de Worde to see me.]

----

High Priest
The Temple of Blind Io

Your Grace Vetinari,

As you know, Hogswatch is a time of great religious significance for all
Gods of the Disc. It is also a time of great drinking and revelling. This
year, the Guild of Priests, Sacerdotes, and Occult Intermediaries will be
holding their annual Hogswatch Ball in the function room of the Dysk
Theatre. Many of the city's dignitaries, including The Archchancellor of
the Unseen University, will be present. I look forward to your RSVP.

Yours in the grace of Io,
High Priest Hughnon Ridcully.

[Memo: Drumknott, what are Commander Vimes' opinions towards
religion? - Vetinari]
[*sigh* I'll add him to the invitation list
presently, Your Grace.]

----

Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns
To: His Grace Lord Vetinari, Patrician

Last night I awoke to, marry, a terrible rumpus, to discover twelve dragons
flaming, eleven fools a-capering, ten Lords a-plotting, nine Seamstresses
a-... well ... just nine seamstresses, eight thieves a-stealing, seven
assassins inhuming, six watchmen running, five dwarves and trolls, four
banshees haunting, three witches cursing, two conjurors, and a wizard from
the university. In my courtyard.

How are you planning to deal with this, Nuncle?

Your servant,
Dr. Whiteface

[Memo: Is this some kind of joke, Drumknott?]
[I believe this is quite likely, Your Grace.]

----

The Ankh Morpork Times
At The Sign of the Bucket
From The Desk of the Editor

Your Grace, My Lord Vetinari,

I am awaiting your Hogswatch Address to the people of Ankh-Morpork. Our
schedule is quite busy at the moment, and it is becoming increasingly hard
to maintain space in the Times for your words. I also wonder if you could
have a word to His Grace Commander Samuel Vimes. At the recent criminal
investigation of the alleged fracas between the Hogfather at Bellinghams'
Store, and Constable Visit of the Watch, several watchmen were heard to
threaten our staff. In particular, I remember vividly threats concerning
the imminent change in location of both my note book and my iconographer's
tripod, to a part of the anatomy that would certainly be hard pressed to
accommodate such equipment.

I look forward to receiving your reply.

William de Worde,
Editor, Ankh-Morpork Times

[Memo: Drumknott, make an appointment for Commander Vimes' to see
me after all. And add Mr de Worde to all of my current
invitation lists...]

******************************************************************************

***

6) A WORD FROM OUR NEW STAFF WRITER

I'd just like to take the opportunity to say hello. As a new staff writer
for Wossname, I hope to be contributing regularly to this wonderful
repository of Discworld information *grin*. My areas of speciality are the
later Discworld novels, in particular the Witches and Watch novels. My
favourites? Lords and Ladies, Men At Arms, Feet of Clay, Maskerade, Carpe
Jugulum, and The Truth. My main interest is the literary side of the
Discworld - these books, as well as being extremely funny, are often also
quite ingenious in their parodies of our own world. My alter ego in the
Discworld is Apatite the Troll, a member of the Ankh Morpork City Watch's
Stupid Well Armed Troll (SWAT) Team. You'll see him popping up in my
reviews. Any opinions expressed in my writings (in particular my reviews)
are wholly my own. I'll do my best not to hijack WOSSNAME! Ideas for
articles, comments on those you have read, or abuse because you disagree
with my reviews, can be directed to sistermick@.... Thanks
for reading!

-- Michael Jones

*********************************************************************
7) KLATCHIAN FOREIGN LEGION WEBRING

The Klatchian Foreign Legion Webring has recently started.
A Webring, in case you don't know, is a group of Web sites
that share a common interest or theme, and have links to one another so
that by following the link, you travel all the way "around the ring",
visiting each site in turn.  In the case of the Legion's Webring, the sites
are those of groups like the North American Discworld Society, the Guild of
Fans and Disciples and the Bugarup University Students' Guild, as well as any
other Web site with an emphasis on regional Pratchett fandom, at anything
from the local level up to the continental level.  To visit the Webring, or
to add your site to it, just visit

http://travel.to/klatch

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is available in all its glory on the World-Wide Web at:

http://www.wossname.com

with a more basic text-only version at:

http://www.onelist.com/messages/WOSSNAME

*********************************************************************
Copyright (c) 2000 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Oops. I left out a few things in Parts 1 and 2:

ADS:

HOGSWATCH PRESENTS?

Need a Hogswatch present for the Discworld fan in your life?

Earlier this year, the North American Discworld Society produced
some T-shirts, based on the great designs of Rhett Ransom Pennell.
The first print run sold out very quickly, so we followed it up
with a second, and while almost all of the T-shirts have now sold,
we have a few left in stock.  You can see the designs at:

http://squier.ucsd.edu/~acm/images/dean-detritus.gif

and

http://squier.ucsd.edu/~acm/images/susan-quoth.gif

For shipping within the United States, the T-shirts cost $14 each,
with a discount for orders of more than one T-shirt.  We're giving
a $1 donation to the Orangutan Foundation for each T-shirt sold,
and each order also includes a set of three buttons, featuring more
of Rhett's artwork.  If you're interested in buying one (or more)
of these T-shirts, please send e-mail to acm@... for the
current list of available sizes.  (We have some in XXL and XXXL,
and they make great night-shirts!)

-- Andrew C. Millard, former WOSSNAME Editor and head
     of the KFL T-shirt program
*******************************************************************
LOOKING FOR TAROT CARDS

I'm trying to locate a deck of Discworld tarot
cards my friend claims she saw on the internet. Could
you recommend some places to search ? Thanks so much.

-- Denise Varisco   bigchiefredchief@...
*******************************************************************
OBITUARY - L. SPRAGUE DE CAMP

L Sprague de Camp, Nov 27, 1907 - Nov 6, 200
11/6/00

L(yon) Sprague de Camp, noted science fiction and fantasy writer of
the Golden Age, born in New York City on November 27, 1907, passed
away on November 6, 2000 in Plano, Texas. Formerly a resident of
Villanova, Pennsylvania, Sprague and his late wife Catherine called
Plano, Texas their home since 1989. Catherine Crook de Camp,
Sprague's wife of 60 years preceded him in death on April 9, 2000.

Sprague de Camp was a master of that rarity, “humorous fantasy.� As
a young writer collaborating with Fletcher Pratt, he set forth the
world-hopping adventures of Harold Shea. These magical adventures of
the classical world are still available today in the omnibus volume,
“The Complete Compleat Enchanter�. In 1992, at the urging of Harold
Shea’s fans, Sprague de Camp and Christopher Stasheff collaborated
on “The Enchanter Reborn� and the travel adventures continued.

L. Sprague de Camp, who served as a Lt. Commander in the U.S. Naval
Reserve during the Second World War, will be cremated; and his
ashes, together with those of Catherine, will be laid to final rest
at the Arlington National Cemetery.

Sprague de Camp edited and contributed to various stories about the
life and adventures of a swashbuckling character, “Conan�,
originally created by the late Robert E. Howard; and went on to
produce new Conan stories in collaboration with the late Lin Carter
and others. Two theatrical movies have been released starring highly
acclaimed actor Arnold Schwarzeneger as “Conan�.

Perhaps Sprague’s most loved science fiction on time travel is the
classic, Lest Darkness Fall (1941), which is still in print today.

Sprague received the coveted GANDALF, the Grand Master Award for
Lifetime Achievement in Fantasy; and the Science Fiction Writers of
America’s “GRAND MASTER NEBULA� Award in the 1970’s. These and
Sprague’s numerous other awards were a source of honor from the
profession to which he devoted himself since the 1930s.

Though the man is gone, the many works of L. Sprague de Camp still
live on. “The Wheels of If,� first published in 1940 was recently
reprinted with two of Harry Turtledove’s original novellas in DOWN
IN THE BOTTOMLANDS (and other places)�.

For Terry Pratchett fans, his most appealing work would probably be
the Harold Shea stories, collected variously as THE INCOMPLETE
ENCHANTER,  THE COMPLETE COMPLEAT ENCHANTER, THE
ENCHANTER REBORN, and THE EXOTIC ENCHANTER -- the last
three currently available from Amazon.com, and the first available
in used bookstores and in many libraries.

I had the honor to have met Sprague through my friend the late
Lin Carter,  and we had a memorable lunch at which he talked
about various types of swords and swordplay in literature.  It
was a long time ago, but it is still fresh in my mind.

L. Sprague de Camp will be remembered and deeply missed
by those who knew him and loved him.

-- Joe Schaumburger
***********************************************************************
FROM OUR AUSTRALIAN BRANCH

Partington, Rebekka A [Advantra] writes:

Well, everybody, last night my lovely boyfriend asked me to
marry him (yes I > did say Yes)!

As you can probably guess, I'm very excited about this :)

Just thought I'd let you all know.

Bek
the newly engaged
ozdw@egroups.com
******************************************************************
THEATER NEWS FROM AUSTRALIA

Unseen Theatre Company's production of "Guards! Guards!" in Adelaide has
sadly come to an end.
Thank you to all those fans who graced our doors (even though we had to turn
some of you away).
We were overjoyed to have full houses most nights and what appeared from the
noise level and laughter to be most appreciative audiences.
To those who "want more" - keep an eye out for the sequel "Men at Arms"
coming up next year.

-- Pamela Munt
http://unseen.com.au,
http://unseen.com.au/members

Here is a review of our show for those who couldn't make it:-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------
Good work from Pratchett guardian

GUARDS! GUARDS! Unseen Theatre Company

Bakehouse Theatre

Until November 18

Reviewed by Rod Lewis

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNSEEN Theatre Company was formed specifically to produce Terry Pratchett's
funny fantasy stories, and this one, adapted for the stage by Stephen
Briggs, excels with a minimum of props and scenery.

In the fictional land of Discworld, the Elucidated Brethren of Ebon Night
steal a book of magic and terrorise the city of Ankh-Morpork by conjuring up
a giant dragon.

Fans of Pratchett will be delighted by director Pamela Munt's simplistic
creation of this fantastic world that rides upon the back of the great
space-faring turtle called A'Tuin.

Through lighting and sound effects and ample imagination, Munt's Discworld
comes to life filled with magic, beasts, warriors and dwarfs.

Although the play - the company's second after Mort - moves as slowly as
A'Tuin at times, particularly during the lengthy first act, the quirky
characterisations and creative touches keep things interesting. And a few
more performances should see a much tighter presentation.

The 18 cast members vary from good to the exceptional with Pete Davies,
Melanie Munt, Bruce Alcorn, Danny Sag, Richard Burgess and Chris Irving the
standouts.

Melanie Munt, in particular, is a delight. She plays Footnote, interrupting
the play regularly to explain particular words or situations, her giant,
asterix-topped staff reminding us that she is indeed, a footnote to the
action.

Sharman Gilchrist's costumes, ranging from that of Death to an orang-utan,
are detailed and stunning, a highlight of the show.

In contrast to those in Unseen Theatre's first journey to Discworld, Mort,
the sets are kept to a minimum, with basic furniture representing the
settings of the play.

An efficient backstage crew whiz through the scene changes, but Neil Waller
on lighting and sound is a devastating letdown. His cues are, figuratively
speaking, all over the show.

Despite that setback, this company imaginatively brings Pratchett's quirky,
laugh-a-minute fable to life.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Happy Hogswatch
to all the readers of
WOSSNAME and
all the members
of the Klatchian
Foreign Legion

Joe Schaumburger
Worldwide Coordinator


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
December 2000 (Volume 4 Issue 12)

*********************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
and its affiliates, including the North American Discworld Society and
other continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in your e-mail
address.  Are there any dues?  No.  Dues are only required if you want to
join the Guild of Fans and Disciples and receive  discounts on books and
other items sometimes available through their bulk purchases.

*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers:
Geof Johns
Michael Jones                     
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2000 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

INDEX:

Thought for the Day

Part 1
1. Convention News
2. People
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2
3. Books
4. Hedgehogs
5. Art
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3        
6. Comedy 101
7. Assorted Goodies
8. Accusations of Literature
9. Obscure World Facts
10. Letters

*************************************************************************
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and
taste good dipped in chocolate.

-- Lady Mæritta SØrensdother, Indiana, USA
***************************************************************************
1) CONVENTION NEWS

The KFL is pleased to announce the appointment of Megan Perry,
of  Texas, USA as Chairman of the KFL Discworldcon
Committee.

Bulletin No. 1
DISCWORLDCON

At this time, we would like to confirm the rumors that may have reached ears,
sound holes, and vibration detection machinery that the Klatchian Foreign
Legion is, indeed, planning a DW convention in the  USA, which we plan
to call the DiscWorldCon

It will be held within the next 2-3 years, depending on what's available in
the
hotel area, and the response of the KFL membership.  As planning is still in
its 'baby stages', I cannot accept checks at this time, but would like to
stress
that if anyone has any ideas, thoughts, or would like to volunteer to help
out
in any way (joining committees, telling me I'm doing an awesome job, etc.)
Your correspondence and your ideas are welcome. If you write, please
include your name, address and e-mail address, so we can contact you.
 
I can be reached at FleurDeDisc888@...

Thank you. 

Megan Perry
Chairman
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VOLUNTEER FORM:

Yes, I'd like to volunteer to help with the proposed
DISCWORLDCON

Name..........................................................................

...

Address.......................................................................

..

City...................................State or Province....................

Postal Code/Zip..............................Phone............................

Country....................................................Age................

E-mail address ..............................................................

Here's how I'd like to help:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------
What Terry Pratchett thinks about the idea:

Joe,

Well, the *next*  (tour)  is likely to be in May.  The one after that? 
Not for 18 months at least, I guess.
>
> I see it as a Pratchett Worldcon, though.  We are
> not (and never were) limited just to the US.  Even
> at the beginning we had Canadian members, and
> now have Mexican members as well.  Beyond that,
>  there are members in about 37 other countries,
> some in quite substantial numbers. 

Sure.  But a UK DWcon will get people from Holland, Ireland, Germany, etc,
as a matter of course; a one-hour flight from London will get you into a
*lot* of countries, and these days Europeans travel around quite happily.
Stephen Briggs and myself flew over to Dusseldolf a few months ago *just
for the evening*. 
>
> When the SF Worldcons began, they were very
> small and almost entirely US fans.

Well, yeah...because they were in the US, and travel was horrendously
expensive.  Travel is *not* so expensive now, but fans aren't, generally,
rich -- they don't cross the Atlantic very readily, in either direction.

> We are much nearer to Oz and NZ than the UK is, so it should
>be less effort for them to get here.

In theory, yes...at least if it's West Coast.  In practice, because of the
classic links with the UK, it's probably easier and maybe even cheaper
for them to get to the UK.

The real reason I'm hinky about the 'Worldcon' name is that, to me and
probably also to you, 'Worldcon' has overtones and raises expectations
that it'll be *very* hard to meet.  After all, you will be relying on the
publisher to bring over your GoH -- and even quite small cons in the US
will usually fly foreign guests over on their own dollar -- so will you be
able to afford *any* other guests?  A Worldcon normally drips with them
and had, in addition, hundreds of attendees each of whom is a 'draw' in
their own right.

The point isn't that I don't think the US could run a decent DW con, but
that calling it a Worldcon *given the way in which Worldcons are now
perceived* might be like starting out in boxing with a name like World
Champion.  Of course, you could call it "Discworld Con", which should
cover everything:-)

> Are there any states or cities you would
> recommend as suitable  con sites?

What do I know?  The last tour was good everywhere, but the West Coast
would probably be best.
>
> Well, as you point out, the lady has enthusiasm,
> and that's the best place to start.

That's great.  Over the years, though, I've dealt with cons brimming with
really enthusiastic people that crashed and burned (four times) simply
disappeared without trace (once) moved around so much because of a shitty
hotel contract that eventually I couldn't go (twice) stiffed me of my
travels exes because one enthusiast was a thief (once) or because the
organisers had the financial acumen of pig dribble (once).  Any long-time
pro will probably tell the same story.  With the exception of the thief,
no one in the above litany was anything worse than a fan who had bitten
off more than they could , currently, chew.

This sounds very negative, but at some of those cons I longed to put my
arm around the guys and point out the simple things they had done wrong.
They really need, say, a treasurer who knew how to read a balance sheet,
or someone who could speak 'hotel negotiation language'...

I'll help a con in any way I can, but even a smallish one takes up a lot
of time for a lot of people.  Remember that Millenicon, organising the 3rd
DW con in the 'home' country, where there were already the better part of
1,000 fans 'habituated', managed to crash (and was only able to return all
subs in full because I helped them out).  Even experienced conrunners trip
up! 

Terry
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
2) PEOPLE

AUSTRALIA

>  AUSTRALIAN JINGLE BELLS                               
>
>  Dashing through the bush,                                
>  in a rusty Holden Ute,                                   
>  Kicking up the dust,                                     
>  esky in the boot,                                        
>  Kelpie by my side,                                       
>  singing Christmas songs,                                 
>  It's Summer time and I am in                             
>  my singlet, shorts and thongs                            
>
>  Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,      
>  Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!  
>  Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !,   
>  Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.         
>
>  Engine's getting hot;                                    
>  we dodge the kangaroos,                                  
>  The swaggie climbs aboard,                               
>  he is welcome too.                                       
>  All the family's there,                                  
>  sitting by the pool,                                     
>  Christmas Day the Aussie way,                            
>  by the barbecue.                                         
>
>  Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,      
>  Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!  
>  Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,    
>  Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.         
>
>  Come the afternoon,                                      
>  Grandpa has a doze,                                      
>  The kids and Uncle Bruce,                                
>  are swimming in their clothes.                           
>  The time comes 'round to go,                             
>  we take the family snap,                                 
>  Pack the car and all shoot through,                      
>  before the washing up.                                   
>
>  Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,      
>  Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!  
>  Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,    
>  Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute. 

-- Bek Partington        

WALES

> > And from the dark recesses of the northern hemisphere, a lone Welsh voice,
> > unheard for many an evening cried out:
> >
> > A Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year
> >
> > or, if you prefer,
> >
> > Nadolig Llawen, a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
> >
> > Love to all, and free choccy biccies (virtual, of course) to you all.
> >
> > Love Medusa XXX

MORE FROM AUSTRALIA

> >actually I have some pretty awesome news....but I can;t tell you all
> >yet....it's a surprise *giggle*
>
>Nuclear attack on Parliament house?

No, that's next week..

>Terrorists dump $10 billion in treasury in return for right to kill John
>Howard slowly and painfully? [If so, I move we refund half to them]

Only half?

>TELL... Before the end of the day...

Well, it's actually a couple of days past now, but anyway...

It's official (we heard from the doctors Saturday afternoon while we were in
Hervey Bay)...

providing all goes well....

...Evan and I will be welcoming a little bundle of joy into the family (gee,
all two of us...) in august <grin>

A bit of a surprise, but we're pretty excited now the shock has worn off :)

there you go <grin> I told you ...

Naomi Callaghan
n_callaghan@...

*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - DECEMBER 2000 - continued - Part 2 of 3

3) BOOKS

FREEBIE - "THE TRUTH"

AcornMedia is giving away copies of The Truth
(while supplies last) when you purchase the
Wyrd Sisters video from their web site:
http://www.acornmedia.com

This is the only company in the US doing Terry
Pratchett videos that will run on American VCR's.
(The ones produced in England will not work.)

REVIEW

THE SCIENCE OF DISCWORLD

It's not much of a Pratchett related post, but its the only one I've
got...

Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart are the two scientists who provided the
science parts of "The Science of Discworld". Both Stewart and Cohen
are extremely readable science-writers, with a number of books under
their belts. One of the books they have written together is "The
Collapse of Chaos", about the mathematics of Chaos Theory and complex
systems.

Penguin Books have recently released a number of science books on
special at $9.95 (Australia -- by comparison, the typical new-release
science book in paper back might sell for between $18 and $35). One of
these is Stewart and Cohen's "The Collapse of Chaos".

And, prominent on the cover (some might even say, more prominent than
the authors) is a dedication by Terry Pratchett. "I was pleased to
learn," he writes, "that most of the things I thought I knew were
wrong."

(The other books in the series are "The Fifth Miracle" by Paul Davies,
"The Case of the Missing Neutrinos" by John Gribbon, "The Language
Instinct" by Steven Pinker, "The Red Queen" by Matt Ridley, "Innumeracy"
by John Allen Paulos, "The Meaning of It All" by Richard Feynman, and
"The Blind Watchmaker" by Richard Dawkins. I can personally recommend
"The Language Instinct", "The Red Queen" and "The Blind Watchmaker", if
anyone cares.)

-- Steven D'Aprano
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------
4)HEDGEHOGS

ANOTHER  REPORT FROM THE KFL SPANISH SECTION:

La Canción del Puercoespín (Parte 2)

La Canción del Puercoespín original (disponible en lspace.org) se
ha ido haciendo eterna a lo largo de los años, con las aportaciones
de más y más fans. Para esta segunda parte hemos seleccionado los
fragmentos que más interesantes nos han parecido por su valor hu-
manístico y filosófico. Como la vez anterior, la traducción no
rima. Quien quiera rimar los fragmentos, ya sabe...

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Para diversión pro-simiesca, puedes follar un lemur
E impulsar tu nombre como pervertido maquinador
Los lemures gritan "¡Frink!" como reclamo de apareamiento
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

A sheep that's named 'Flossy' is warm you shall see,
You can try with a wasp, you can try with a bee.
You can hump with the dog that sleeps in the hall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Una oveja llamada 'Flossy' es calida, ya verás,
Puedes probar una avispa, puedes probar una abeja
Puedes hacerlo con el perro que duerme en el porche,
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

A severely perverted Ephebian sage,
Abandoned all hope, and flew into a rage.
He had tried every creature, the great and the small,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Un sabio efebense extremamente pervertido
Dejó toda esperanza, y montó en cólera.
Había probado con todas las criaturas, grandes y pequeñas
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

You tail-lifting buggers from Ramtop or plain
If you take my advice you will save yourself pain
When the base urges strike you it's best to recall
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

Vosotros, levantacolas del Carnero o la llanura
Si seguís mi consejo os ahorraréis el dolor
Cuando golpean los instintos básicos hay que recordar
Que al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

Your hedgehog's a handful and cute as a bun
You'd think he'd be perfect for animal fun
But hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

Tu puercoespín es hermoso y mono como un bollito
Se diría que es perfecto para la diversión animal
Pero el vello púbico como las agujas nos recuerda
Que al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

Great opportunities to drop your pants
Are Great A'Tuin and his/her elephants,
Though beneath Discworld, you have to stroll.
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Grandes oportunidades para bajarte los pantalones
Son Gran A'Tuin y sus elefantes,
Aunque bajo el Mundodisco te tendrás que agachar.
Pero al puercoespín jamás se le puede joder.

--La canción original está escrita por
Matthew Crosby (crosby@...)
y alt.fan.pratchett.

THE FUZZY REPORT ON HEDGEHOGS

(Warning: Even viler lyrics on this website, with pictures!)

You've probably all seen this before, or even sung it before (when the
scumble has gotten the better of you...) but I just found it and thought I
would share it.

http://world.std.com/~mam/filks/Hedgehog.html

Enjoy!

-- Fuzzy (aka Fiona Wynn)                
email_me@...                  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------
5) ART

KIDBY ARTWORK FOR "THE LAST HERO" ?

Surfing the net, and found Paul Kidby's site.

This URL has pictures that may be in The Last Hero.

http://www.paulkidby.com/progress/index.html

-- Paul Godsil, Australia

MORE ON KIDBY

Hi there. I am on the Wossname mailing list and I thought you might want
to mention Paul Kidby and his artwork in the next issue. He's the artist
who brings us such realistic renderings of the inhabitants of Discworld.
I've just received an order of prints and bookmarks from him.  Here's
where you can order:

http://www.pjsm-prints.co.uk/

-- Barbara D. Holmes
guitargoddess@...

(Ms. Holmes has volunteered to see if she can get an interview
for WOSSNAME from the artist.)
*************************************************************************
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - DECEMBER 2000 - continued - Part 3 of 3

6) COMEDY 101
by Geof Johns

I try to write comedy.  It's a hobby not unlike making models of the Taj
Mahal by moonlight out of matchsticks.  I believe that humour is the greatest
expression of the human spirit.  Alas, I am dutiful rather than inspired.
 Trying to write does have its compensations though.  One of them is a keener
appreciation than I would otherwise have had of my heroes - people like Terry
Pratchett and George McDonald Fraser - masters of the craft.

I attend writing classes, whenever I can, and read books on comic writing.
 Quite probably, my author heroes just do it naturally with no tuition at
all.  Still, it's interesting to see how close Terry Pratchett comes to the
book theory, especially in the early novels, and how he has transcended it,
in the later ones.

The first lesson in "Comedy 101" is to create a character with basic comic
contradictions.  Think of it this way.  It's like the opening moves in a game
of chess.  In the opening game there are rules and precedents.  Push a couple
of pawns forward, develop a few pieces and then, in the middle game, the
realm of intuition, the dazzling combinations WILL be there.  You just have
to search for them.  Create a character with comic contradictions and the
jokes will be there.  You can search for them or steal them.

In "The Colour of Magic", Terry Pratchett created Rincewind, who seems to owe
a little to George McDonald Fraser's Flashman.  The comic contradiction in
Flashman (plucked with incredible insight from Tom Brownes' Schooldays) is
that he is a lecherous bully, toady and coward with a very modern cynicism
set in the mythical world of Victorian derring-do and valour.  The humour
flows from this.  

To make the story work, Fraser gives Flashman a minor virtue or two.  He is a
good horseman (so he can get around fast enough to keep pace with the plot),
a good linguist (so the story doesn't flounder while he fumbles with his
phrasebook).  He is a good-looking and plausible villain and an excellent
cricketer.

Now put Rincewind under the microscope.  There are two basic comic
contradictions.  He is a coward in a world of high fantasy and a totally
inept wizard in a world of magic.  Yet, if there is one thing Rincewind
clings to it is the utter belief that at the core of his being he IS a
wizard.  

Like Flashman, Rincewind sees things, a reports them to the reader, as they
are.  Unlike Flashman, Rincewind has a basic empathy with the human
condition.  This empathy permeates Terry Pratchett's work.  Possibly, it is
his best claim on greatness.

There are several other amusing correspondences between the Discworld and the
Flashman series.  Lord Elphinstone's insistence of British Officers lining up
within sniper fire at the retreat from Kabul to show that they were not
intimidated is pure Lord Rust. It would not be believable in a fantasy novel
but happened in real life.

Flashman's character can be relied on to get him into trouble.  In the
textbooks I read this is called "conflict".  Rincewind prefers a quiet life
and so needs a little prodding by the author.  No problem, the Discworld is
driven by narrative causality, or at least coincidence.  Enter Twoflower, the
tourist.  His job is to get Rincewind into trouble - conflict, whatever.
 Twoflower's comic contradiction is that of the insatiably curious optimist
in a world of danger.

A third comic creation is The Luggage - comic contradiction - an magical
artefact with attitude.  One of Terry Pratchett's most enduringly popular
creations, The Luggage appears to be unique in that it was created for a game
(Dungeons and Dragons) and somehow escaped into literature.  (Guilty of
literature?  Yep, I am a witness for the prosecution.)

And so "The Colour of Magic" and "The Light Fantastic" unfurl.  Pratchett
only has to manoeuvre Rincewind in and out of the cliches of the genre and
the jokes appear to come out of nowhere.  

At this stage, Terry Pratchett is something of a "kitchen sink" novelist.
 Not in the sense of sordid (if you are prepared to overlook most of the
acreage of Morpork) but in the sense of throwing in everything, including the
kitchen sink.

The airplane scene in the "Colour of Magic" seems a direct steal from an
earlier and long forgotten (I can't remember its name anyway) ribald fantasy.
 (For those with long memories, it's the one with dwarfs that had rifled
genitalia so it was vitally important to marry a dwarf with the right
thread.)  It is a scene that doesn't seem to fit into either novel but there
it is.

"The Colour of Magic" is three loosely connected novellas.  "The Light
Fantastic" is a somewhat more extended reworking of the same themes.

For all this though, you get the impression that Terry Pratchett was
discovering a world, a world that somehow works.  It is more than an assembly
of disconnected jokes.  It seemed to evolve around an ecosystem of humour.

In the writing class I attend, we are continually reminded that a story
should be about the journey of the main character, about how they learn to
find a viable place in the world.  I sometimes think that the Discworld
series is less about the journey of any particular character than about the
evolution of the world itself.  Yes it is a mirror of worlds but also a
mirror of its author's mind.

In any event, what happened next surprised me.  For his next novel in the
series, Terry Pratchett dumped his popular main character and zeroed in on a
new corner of his world.  Perhaps it seemed to him that the basic
"two-contradiction" character of Rincewind had run out of comic steam.
 Perhaps it was something else.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
7) ASSORTED GOODIES

FROM BRIGGS WITH PLASTIC

Stephen CMOT Briggs is delighted to be able to let
his customers - particularly those outside the UK -
know that, at long last, he can now accept payments
by Visa, Mastercard and Switch!

He recognizes that getting sterling bank drafts has
been an increasing problem, and an expensive one,
for non-UK fans.  This should make things easier.

Details of his current merchandise - including the new
Complete Fool's badge and Harga's apron - can be
had from sbriggs@... or by s.a.e. to him at
PO Box 147, Oxford, OX2 8YT, England
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------
BRITISH SLANG EXPLAINED

Here's a useful web site that helps Americans
understand such arcane English colloquialisms
as guff, Durex, pillock, and quid with over 300 entries:

http://www.english2american.com

-- Matt Harris
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------
LAST T-SHIRTS GONE

Andrew MIllard writes that the last few NADS
T-shirts have now been sold and that the club
has donated $120 (or $1 per T-shirt) to the
Orangutan Foundation International, Terry's
favorite charity.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------
8)  === ACCUSATIONS of LITERATURE ===
© Michael Jones 2000
(Discworld and individual characters
© 2000 Terry and Lyn Pratchett)

THE QUOTABLE DISCWORLD

There is nothing more powerful than the quote.

Well, perhaps there is. The quote, used correctly, is a powerful weapon.
Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that there is nothing more
accessible than the quote. For while some of the greatest sagas of our time
may have moved us with their sweeping imagery and clever techniques, it is
the timeless quotes that they yield which define them.

It is an interesting biological fact that humans can only accommodate a
number of pieces of information in their limited brains at once. Scientists
have measured this, and assigned it the magical number of seven. Seven
names. Seven numbers. Seven rings. Seven "chunks" of information. So it is
perhaps not surprising that of the many truly great works of fiction that
exist in the world, we remember only those few one-liners, those set
pieces, known as quotes.

After all, most people are aware that they should not meddle in the affairs
of wizards, because they are subtle and quick to anger, even though most of
the time they forget about the seamless world that J. R. R. Tolkein created
for his wizards to inhabit. The Lord of the Rings defined High Fantasy, and
J. R. R. Tolkein created a virtual reality called Middle Earth nearly half
a decade before the Internet was even conceptualised. We remember that
Dragon Riders must fly when Thread is in the sky, but we forget the sense
of childish abandonment, wonder, guilt and angst that Anne McCaffrey
created in the girl Menolly, and we also forget how her growth and
development, both as a girl into a woman and as an apprentice into a
Harper, reflected the growth and development of Pern itself. We remember
the ineptness of Fizban and our first stirrings of suspicion that he was
not as he seemed; we remember the curiosity of the Kender; but we forget
the way that Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman managed to weave the essence
of family love - between two twin brothers - into a world fractured and
torn apart by war, and the terrible price both brothers paid for their
lives they led. We remember exultant cries of "Done then!" in two separate
worlds, from two separate heroes, and yet we forget that David Eddings
managed to capture the hearts of younger readers with his whimsical
fantasies and coming of age heroes.

Perhaps that is what makes the Terry Pratchett's Discworld books so
successful. To read - to really read - a Discworld book, can take years,
and many re-readings, and even then the most avid fan is perpetually
haunted by the fact that he hasn't ferreted out every single obscure
reference or annotation that there is to find. Discworld books are layered
with complexity like an onion, and exposing each layer simply makes the
next that much harder to unravel. This alone raises curious questions about
Terry Pratchett's state of mind while writing these novels...

However it is the quotes we remember, because Terry has a habit of using
his quotes as the barbs on his literary arrows, so that when the words
fade, the quotes remain. A Discworld book can spend an hour building us up
with it's comedic cadences, it's glorious characterisations and the charged
interactions between these characters, and then the entire scene can
explode before us with the impact of a single quote - a single sentence
into which the entire energy of the entire section, the entire passage, or
sometimes the entire book, has been poured.

I personally think it's interesting that my favourite quote does not come
from my favourite book. My favourite book is Lords and Ladies (although The
Truth is vying for the position as we speak) and yet my favourite quote
comes from Feet of Clay, when Dorfl, falling apart, scribbles a few last
desperate words onto a pad of paper -

"words iN thE HeaRT Can noT Be taken."

Eight words which, in the midst of our sadness for Dorfl's demise, hit home
with the force of a sledgehammer and bring the last 373 pages to life.

We love Discworld quotes because sometimes they say what we've always
thought but hadn't been willing to put into words...

"In the Beginning, there was nothing, which exploded."
"Animals can't murder. Only us superior races can murder. That's one of the
things that sets us apart from animals."
"'Quite. Real children don't go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs.'"

Discworld quotes illuminate the races and characters of Terry's creation in
ways that we all recognise...

"It's a metaphor of human bloody existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't
bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing."
"All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and
thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink,
to rush at enemies screaming 'Arrrrrrgh!' and axing their legs off at the
knee."

Discworld quotes sometimes find a way of putting us inside Terry's
characters...

"THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERE IS JUST US."
"WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?"
"YES!"
"'Sometimes," Vetinari said testily, "it really does seem to me that the
culture of cynicism in the Watch is ...is...'
'Insufficient?' said Vimes."
"You make us want what we can't have and what you give us is worth nothing
and what you take is everything and all there is left for us is the cold
hillside, and emptiness, and the laughter of the elves."

And finally, Discworld quotes take the essence of the world that we live
in, and twist it into new shapes to delight and astound us.

"'Right, you bastards, you're... you're geography'"
"Million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten."
"They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin
would almost certainly have put it and which was definitely several letters
of the alphabet away from how they normally felt."
"Violet Frottidge was walking out with young Deviousness Carter, or at
least doing something within ninety degrees of walking out."

And these are just a very small few. They aren't even the best. For as I
curse my limited brain, that manages to only hold seven or so chunks of
information at a time - and one wonders how Terry Pratchett can be subject
to the same limitation and still create a world as varied and complex as
the Discworld - I know that the best simply haven't made their way to the
front of the queue yet, to be included in that magic seven.

Happy quoting. And remember, as Apatite the Troll would say - "'Av an 'appy
Hogswatch, an' a good Year of the Shrinking Tree-Frog. Or whaddever year it
is. An' keep your nose clean."

PS: I'd like to apologise to all of the fans who emailed me after the last
edition of Wossname - I simply didn't have time to do a humourous article
this week. Rest assured, more will be forthcoming. I need ideas! Any ideas
for columns (both humorous ones, and Accusations of Literature) can be sent
to me at sistermick@.... Also, anyone interested in
helping me with a project to create a comprehensive database of Discworld
quotes from all of the Discworld books, feel free to contact me at
sistermick@.... Please include QUOTES in the subject line.

-- Michael Jones

9) OBSCURE WORLD FACTS

One of the smaller jokes in Interesting Times is the names of the four
most powerful families in the Counterweight Continent: the Hongs, the
Sungs, the Tangs, the McSweeneys and the Fangs.

I quote from the Annoted Pratchett File (APF):

> The presence of the McSweeney name ("very old established
> family") in this list is used as a running gag throughout
> the book. It also reminded me of James Clavell's Hong Kong
> novels (Tai-Pan, Noble House and Gai-Jin), which chronicle
> the Asian business empire founded and headed by various
> generations of the Scottish Struan family.

There is, however, another annotation, one which so-far seems to have
escaped everyone.

In the north-western area of China have been found the well-preserved
mummies of people, dating from around 2000 BCE. These mummies show many
signs of being related to Celts. Furthermore, their modern day
decendants are totally unlike all the other people in the area: they are
fair-skinned, light-haired Caucasians. The possibility of genuine Celts
living in China during the Bronze Age cannot be discounted.

These mummies are known as the Urumchi mummies, or sometimes the Tarim
(after the Tarim Basin in the Taklimakan desert where they were found).
The history of these people is rather confused and not known exactly:
the Bronze Age was a time of vast population movements, and many
population groups were wiped out or integrated into others. But it seems
likely that these people were Tocharians, proto-Celts from Iran.

The situation was complicated by the arrive of Turkish-speaking
(actually Uyghur-speaking, but that language is related to Turkish)
people about 1000 BCE.

While I'm sure archaeologists would be horrified by my
over-simplification, it seems that there was, once, a Celtic (or
proto-Celtic) civilization, complete with tartan, living in China.

It's not likely that any of them were called McSweeney though :-)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
January 2001 (Volume 5 Issue 1)

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers: Geof Johns, Michael Jones
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:
==Part 1
1. Convention News
2. Poets Wanted
3. Little Known Gods of Discworld
4. Advance Book Review
5. Free Book
6. Trivia Quiz
---------------------------------------------------------------------
==Part 2
7. Helping Hodges
8. Death in Discworld
9.  Whatever Happened to Egroups?
10. Bargain at SFBC
11. Useless Info from All Over
12. Trivia Scoring
**************************************************************************
1) CONVENTION NEWS

Megan Perry, our DISCWORLDCON Chairman,
reports that she has ten volunteers so far, but needs
a lot more.  Of course, this will depend on where the
con is held.  Please fill out the form below and send
it to her.  Let her know if you'd like to participate:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCWORLDCON  SURVEY

Send to: FleurDeDisc888@...

A. I would like to see the con held in
(  )  2002 (may conflict with a UK con)
(  )  2003
(  )  2004

B.  Best month is: ...................................

C. Here's my choice for the location:
(  )  Anywhere in the USA
(  )  Northeast / where:..........................................
(  )  Southeast / where.......................................
(  )  Central / where............................................
(  )   Northwest / where......................................
(  )   Southwest / where......................................
(  )   California / where........................................

D. Guests

We would all like to see Terry Pratchett as the Guest
of Honor, of course.  However, in the event he isn't
available, who else would you like to see, or would like
to see as a guest, even if  Terry is there:

(   ) Neil Gaiman
(   )  Paul Kidby
(   ) Stephen Briggs
(   ) Elton Murphy
(   ) Pratchett editor,  US publisher
(   ) Pratchett editor, UK publisher
(   ) Others: .................................

E. VOLUNTEERING

(   ) Yes, I'd like to volunteer to help with the proposed
DISCWORLDCON

Your name..................................................

Location.......................................................

e-mail address...............................................

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------
2) POETS WANTED

For the pleasure and entertainment of our members
we are running a limerick contest starting now,
and running through June 30, 2001.

If you can generate any, please send them in.
(Nothing too obscene, please, as we have some
younger members.)  Non-English limericks are
acceptable, too.

Sample:
---------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a copper named Vimes
Who punished unspeakable crimes
He cooked Captain Carrot
Whom he fed to his parrot
For writing degenerate rhymes

-- Joe Schaumburger, USA
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Although the praise and admiration of your
colleagues should be enough of a reward,
as you will enjoy the people's ovation and fame
forever, if we get a lot of high quality entries,
we may consider offering something more
substantial.  Please put your name and
country at the end of each limerick, as shown
in the sample.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) LITTLE KNOWN (and justly forgotten) GODS OF THE DISCWORLD
© Michael Jones 2000 (Discworld and individual characters © 2000 Terry
and Lyn Pratchett)

RATIONAL, The God of Atheists

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS:  Countless Thousands

NUMBER OF BELIEVERS:    None

MOST IMPORTANT WORDS TO HIS FOLLOWERS: "I'm not here!
You can't see me! Oh bugger..."

Gods are created as the focus of belief. Atheism is the denial of the
existence of a God or Gods, and to deny the existence of something is, in
itself a form of belief. And in the Discworld's high magical field, such
strong belief (even belief in the nonexistence of a God) must be manifest
somewhere.

And so is born Rational, the God of Atheists. Rational has thousands of
worshippers - people all over the Disc refuse to believe in the Gods. This
makes him one of the more immanent Gods. Unfortunately, he does not
have a  single believer, making his influence very weak. He is seen
occasionally around Dunmanifestin, where he spends most of his time trying
desperately not to exist. On being spotted by another God, he usually
bursts into tears and does his best to hide. Rather than being angry with
him, the other Gods tend to take pity on him; it's hard to stay angry with
someone whose main goal in life is to no longer exist.

If the God of Atheists had a High Priest, his name would be Dorfl. But of
course, he doesn't. Only Gods have High Priests. If he had a Holy Book, his
prophets would be Philosophers. But of course, only religions have Holy books.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

NIKE, the God of Shoes, Boots, and Footwear

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS: The few traditional cobblers left on the Disc.

MOST IMPORTANT WORDS TO HIS FOLLOWERS: "Go forth. Comfortably."

The worship of Nike has fallen into disregard in modern times, although the
more traditional leatherworkers and cobblers still invoke his name when
they are working their art. Nike traditionally appeared as a human or dwarf
with a leather apron of bottomless pockets, from whence issued shoes and
footwear of all sizes and shapes, and it is said that his enemies were
consumed with a deadly curse of blisters and bunions. It is said that those
who follow Nike, and who are shriven during his yearly Festival of Laces,
will one day speak in Tongues, and only then will their Soles be saved. Of
course, to truly be saved, the worshippers had to consent to be tanned,
cured, laced up, and buried wrapped in tissue paper in an enormous
cardboard box - an unpopular (and expensive) way of guaranteeing that the
afterlife was spent in the company of a group of people who spent their
entire beforelife making shoes.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

JUDE, The God of Law

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS:  350

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS WHO HAVE LED LAW-ABIDING LIVES: 0

MOST IMPORTANT WORDS TO HIS FOLLOWERS: "Thou shalt obey the Law."

We all know about the God of Justice, Blind Io. Few people remember his
little known brother, the God of Law. Law is, of course, the written word
of justice, and on the discworld it is hard to miss the fact that Law and
Justice are sometimes Hubs apart.

The God of Law might have been one of the more powerful of the Discworld
parthenon if it were not for one of those clerical errors that so often
hamstrings a religion before it starts. The one commandment of the God of
Law is "Thou shalt obey the law". Unfortunately, the prophet who wrote the
holy book of the God of Law neglected to specify which law; and from where
the law should come. And so, in deference to the average Discian's world
view, which is about as ethnocentric as a black hole, the God of Law's
religion has become rather fragmented.

There are the Quirm Orthodoxes, who believe that anyone not following the
laws of Quirm should be buried alive (a traditional Quirmian custom). The
Pseudopolitan Congress of Jude believe that the Law is that set by their
God. Seeing as Jude has never actually passed any law themself, they live
in abject fear that they have already broken the laws they don't know
about. The Ankh-Morpork Revelational Sect of Jude were the most popular
group, law being a rather relative concept in Ankh-Morpork society, until
someone actually bothered to investigate the Laws and Ordinances of
Ankh-Morpork and discovered that, by way of being alive, nearly every
member of the religion was in direct disobedience of the Vital State Law of
1456, passed posthumously by the Patrician of the time, and as a result all
members of the religion had to be put to the sword by the age of six.

Few people actively practice the worship of the God of Law now. Few people
over the age of six, anyway.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

YES, the God of Sex

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS: All individuals of marrigeable age (with the
possible exception of Mrs. Cake...)

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS AT ANY ONE TIME: Variable.

MOST IMPORTANT WORDS TO HIS FOLLOWERS: "Go forth and...go forth and...come
on, at least wait for me to finish the sentence..."

Yes is proof positive that when enough people invoke a god, his existence
becomes reality. Yes is a rather shy, retiring young man who manages to
spend his eternal life in a state of constant embarrassment. He also has
rather sweaty palms. The traditional invocation for the God of Sex is "Oh,
God, Yes!". Yes has as worshippers nearly every man or woman of
marriageable age, but his influence is weakened because most of those
people only worship him at a certain time of night, once or twice a week. [1]
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

MILANDER, The God of Takeaway Food

NUMBER OF WORSHIPPERS:  All those who shop at Klatchian takeaways, curry
houses, Counterweight Continent rice-and-fish shops, Fourecks pub dashes,
Dwarf Rat Restaurants, Troll Rock Huts, and even the few remaining
customers at C.M.O.T Dibbler's Sausage Inna Bun cart.

MOST IMPORTANT HOLY WORDS: "Would you like Klatchian fries with that?"

The God of Takeaway Food can be found wherever a Klatchian Hots with
Anchovies is being devoured; he holds as his temple every greasy
curry-house, every fish-and-chip shop, and every House of Ribs on the Disc.
It is said that his influence spreads everywhere, even though his religion
is now sadly forgotten; once it was said that even in the deepest jungles
of Howondaland, where an enterprising native by the name of
Pierce-My-Own-Lip D'bla decided to start selling Ghewanda bugs fried in
poor quality Larkweed Oil, Milander was watching.

Milander is an imposing figure. Eight feet tall, his hair is red and
burning with the deepest fire as it twists around his head like nascent
flames. He wears a coat of platinum and gold plates, and his face is the
stark white of bone; his lips drip crimson with the blood of his enemies,
and his legs are criss-crossed with the blood of those who have sinned
against him by growing or eating the forbidden fruit [3].
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[1] Unless, of course, they are feeling particularly devout.[2]
[2] The Temple of Yes would have to be Mrs. Rosemary Palm's
House of Negotiable Affection, for this reason.
[3] Which would be any fruit at all, really.

-- Michael Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------
4) ADVANCE REVIEW:

THIEF OF TIME - THE NEXT BOOK !

Time is a resource. Everyone knows it has to be managed.

And on Discworld that is the job of the Monks of History, who store it and
pump it from the places where it's wasted (like underwater--how much time
does a codfish need?) to places like cities, where there's never enough
time.

But the construction of the world's first truly accurate clock starts a race
against, well, time for Lu Tze and his apprentice Lobsang Ludd. Because it
will stop time. And that will only be the start of everyone's problems.

Thief of Time comes complete with a full supporting cast of heroes and
villains, yetis, martial artists and Ronnie, the fifth horseman of the
Apocalypse (who left before they became famous).

To be released about May 2001.

(All info from www.amazon.co.uk)

-- Nathan Clissold
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------
5) A FREE BOOK FROM C.M.O.T. DIBBLER

To remind Wossname readers that he can now take payments
by plastic, Stephen (CMOT) Briggs is offering a free
copy of the new graphic novel of 'Guards! Guards!'
(illustrated by Graham Higgins) to the first Wossname
reader to send in an order for more than 20GBP-worth of
Stephen's Discworld merchandise. The book sells in the
UK for around 9GBP, so that's a pretty good offer! All
other qualifying orders received by Stephen within ten
days of the publication date of this issue of Wossname
will receive a free badge as a consolation prize!

AND WHAT SORT OF STUFF DOES HE SELL?
Well, he still sells the Unseen University scarf, which
started off his range and the University degree, t-shirt
and Doctorate along with a wide and ever-expanding range
of quality lapel pins and badges based firmly in the
'reality' of Discworld - these now include the Fools'
Guild 'Complete Fool' badge (from the 2001 Diary) and
the Uberwald League of Temperance badge (from 'The Fifth
Elephant' and 'The Truth') along with many others -
including a City Watch lapel badge to go with the City
Watch t-shirt.

Stephen also now stocks Mended Drum tea towels and
Harga's House of Ribs aprons (ideal for BBQs), plus an
Ankh-Morpork Times key-ring and ball point pens engraved
with Terry Pratchett's signature.

He's always looking to expand the range and, although
many of his ideas spin off from the books themselves,
he's always happy to hear ideas from Terry's readers.

A full list of his current range, with details of
prices, is available from him at sbriggs@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------
6) === WOSSNAME? TRIVIA! ===

By Apatite the Troll (Discworld and individual characters
© 2000 Terry and Lyn Pratchett)

Welcome to new WOSSNAME? TRIVIA! Apatite's trivia subject
for this week - Trolls, of course!

1) What was the name of Detritus' girlfriend? (1 Point)

2) What was the name of Buddy's roadie? (1 Point)

3) What is the name of the underground Troll crime syndicate? (1 Point)

4) Name 1: The Troll crime magnate (1 Point) and 2: The nightclub he
manages (1 Point).

Now they're getting harder...

5) What was the Sea-Troll's name and what made him different from
all other Discworld trolls? (3 Points)

6) Name a Troll bar. (3 Points)

7) Name a Troll gambling game. (3 Points)

And finally, the bonus question for extra points...

8) Name a troll that works at a saw-mill (2 Points), what he was making (2
Points), and what book did he feature in? (2 Points, for a total of 6)

See the last page of WOSSNAME for answers and scoring.

*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 2








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - JANUARY 2001 - continued - Part 2 of 2

7) HELPING HODGES

This is an appeal on behalf of Dave Hodges -- also known as "the real
Hodgesaargh", as the Discworld character of that name was based on
Terry Pratchett's encounters with him and his ancient and sometimes
temperaMENTAL bird of prey Lady Jane.

As some of you may be aware he wrote a small book entitled "The Arts
of Falconrie and Hawking - A Begginner's Guide" which he sells for 3 UK
pounds plus postage, one pound of which goes to the Orangutan
Foundation. Terry wrote an introduction for the book, and so far over 600
copies have been sold either by mail order or at Discworld events.

At the Clarecraft event in 1999 a single copy of a specially-translated
Polish language edition raised about 35 UK pounds when auctioned for
charity.  Dave would like to repeat this at future events, and if anyone
would consider translating his book into any other languages (preferably
more unusual ones) could they please contact him via his Web site at
http://www.realhhg.org.uk/realhhg.htm or by email to realhhg@....

The book itself is only about 4,000 words long, but is written in a very
distressed, idiomatic  and ancient version of English which might be quite
a challenge for the translator, still he will have no idea how good or bad
your translation is, and will simply be delighted if it looks sufficiently
foreign. <)8-)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------
8) DEATH IN DISCWORLD
A Collection of Morbid Speculations by Our Members

Be forewarned that this section may contain info in the most recent of
Discworld novels, which you may not have read yet.

PTerry is reported as saying that he is planning to kill off one of the
Discworld characters soon. He has refused to say who, but he has said
that it will be a MAJOR character. That disqualifies characters like
Dibbler, Gaspode, Detritus and so forth, who are supporting characters.

If you'd like to register your opinion, send it to: Joe Schaumburger
jschaum111@...  and we'll run it next issue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

Gaspode did almost die towards the end of T5E. I would define 'major'
characters as those of the Watch, The Witches, Wizards.

So, if a character has to die, who should it be, and why?

I guess you can say "so and so, because I don't like him", but what I'm
really looking for is a reason that will open up new plots and story
ideas. I just hope PTerry is thinking along the same lines.

To get the ball rolling, this is my suggestion: The Patrician. If
Vetinari died, that would throw Ankh-Morporkh into upheaval. Interesting
things would happen. You can be damn sure that Vimes won't like whoever
tries to take charge. There's the distinct possibility that Vimes will
go spare. Or maybe be blamed. Perhaps there will be a showdown between
Vimes the descendent of a regicide and Carrot the descendant of a
regent. That could be VERY interesting.

It's not that I'm hoping the Patrician will be killed off. I personally
think he's a great character. But it would open up a lot of new stories.

However,  we saw the reaction to that in TT (The Truth). Gaspode
was a fairly major character in TT so it could be him. On the other hand
perhaps Death will finally catch up with Rincewind. It could be a member of
the watch, perhaps Vimes or Carrot.

Think about this one:  a major character will die. Knowing Pterry,
it's going to be the person that you would least expect. I'm thinking that
it may actually be Granny. Sure she's tough but CJ (Carpe Jugulum) took a
lot out of her.

-- Nathan Clissold
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------
The general consensus amongst my DW fan friends is
Cohen. He's been a major character in at least two
novels, and he must be getting old by now. And
besides, it all depends on your definition of either
"Major" or Death". I don't isolate "Major" to the
Wizards, Witches, or Watch - I think there are other
major characters, and does death mean "no longer in
the Discworld novels" or merely "differently alive".
The Patrician dead is a scary thought. The Patrician
as a zombie? Now that's a very different thought
indeed...

-- Michael Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------
My theory is that it will be someone from UU,  most likely
Ridcully.  Isn't he almost always fending off assassins from
the faculty?  Maybe this time one of them will get through.

-- Joe Schaumburger
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------
Dear Editor:

No he isn't. The practise of rising through the faculty by bumping off
your superiors was brought to an end by Ridcully, who was usually up
earlier in the morning than any other wizard. The last wizard who tried
to assassinate him ended up walking with a limp for two weeks.

I suspect Granny might be the one. PTerry has also written that Granny
is getting so powerful that he's starting to run out of situations to
put her in. He expressed the desire to let someone get one up on the
interfering old baggage.

That was before Carpe Jugulum, so maybe all the terrible things he did
to Granny has got that urge out of his system. But, she ended up more
powerful than ever... I guess time will tell.

-- Steven D'Aprano
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

I think that Angua will go (somehow) she has far to much angst to survive.

-- Linda Fearnside
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

Lets face it it could be anyone but there are FOUR witches
at the moment (which is a terrible break with tradition).  As
Nanny and Magrat both qualify as 'the mother,' perhaps one
of them has to go.

-- Peter Bellingham
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----
Dear Editor:
I think Rincewind is finally going to die. Or maybe he already
died and I don't know about it?

-- Cousken Yinang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------
Dear Editor:

Maybe it will be Death himself who dies and Susan
has to take over the family business permanently,
or perhaps Albert, his life timer is running quite low
- considering it is now only a bottle

-- The Snow Queen
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------
Dear Editor:

I reckon it'll be A'Tuin.  That should rock the discworld...

-- Richard
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------
Dear Editor:

Personally, I think Captain Carrot.

Carrot is a very popular figure in all Ankh-Morpork, and you can be sure
that the Watch, and the rest of the City, are going to be hunting down the
killer. Throw in his Uberwald family too. Chaos in Ankh-Morpork.

But chaos in Ankh-Morpork and Uberwald dwarves can have political
ramifications - the rest of the Disk must face the fact that the dwarves
have "invaded" the Big Wahoonie.

That kind of political chaos will provide more stories than I can think of,
I guess [or hope]. And of course it helps that I don't like Carrot all that
much anyway.

-- Mysterious Apparition
******************************************************************************

**
9) WHATEVER HAPPENED TO EGROUPS ?
(Courtesy of the Disc group)

On Tue, 30 Jan 2001 01:39:26 +0000, Alison Parker wrote:

>I was reading this list, and a couple of others I'm on, and I
>wondered why everybody was talking about yahoo?   And
>then I looked at the headers and saw the address had changed.
>When did yahoo take over?  And how come I didn't hear about
>it.   And if you're registered with yahoo as well as egroups
>are you now registered twice?   How confuzzling.

Well kinda - if you want to use the website you have to link your
email address(es) with a yahoo id - see the website for details.
Yahoo took egroups over some time ago...you should have got a
couple of emails about it.

The old addresses all still work so unless you want to use the website
you don't have to do anything...oh those of you filtering on "egroups"
will need to change the filter to "yahoogroups"

-- Mark Barltrop aka Tachyon (tachyon@...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------
10) BARGAIN FROM SCIENCE FICTION BOOK CLUB

Title: THE TRUTH
by Terry Pratchett
Publisher's Price: $24.00 - Member's Price: $11.98
- Members Save $12.02

You can contact them at sfbc.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------
11) USELESS INFO FROM ALL OVER

Towns in Klatch

There is, in Jingo, a city named Al-Khali.  Naturally I assumed
that this was merely a pune on alkali.  Silly me. I picked up
a copy of _The Amazons_ by Guy Cadogan Rothery (1910) and glanced at
page 82:

(Sir Richard) Burton in his notes on the tale of Hasan holds that
the Arabian geographers spoke of two Wak-Waks.  he quotes the French
translation of Ibn-el-Fakih and Al Ma'udi, who locate one of the
islands in East Africa beyond Zanzibar and Sofala.
On the other hand: "Le territoire des Zendjs commence au
canal (Al-Khali) derive de Haut Nil et se prolonge jusqu'au pays
des Sofalah et des Wak-Wak."  Which Burton says is simply the
peninsula of Guardefui, conquered by the Gallas before the Moslem
Somals swept them away.  The pagan Gallas continually called out
'Wak' like the Moslems cry 'Allah'!

The book does not specify further whether Al-Khali was the word for
canal, the name of the canal, the town near it, or something else.

Considering the possibilities of Wak-Wak, Guardefui, and the
Zendjs[1], I think we got off lightly.

=Tamar
[1]  Not to mention the other, even sillier names in this
old-fashioned scholarly study of a myth.

-- Richard Eney
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------
12) TRIVIA QUIZ SCORING

Answers:

1) Ruby, 2) Asphalt, 3) The Breccia, 4) Chrysoprase, The Cavern, 5)
Tethis, he was neither named after a mineral or rock, or originally from
the Discworld (all answers required for the points!) 6) the Blue Lias, 7)
One-Up, 8) Mr. Chert, Coffins, Witches Abroad.

What Your Score Means:

1-5   :   Are you sure you're not a troll yourself?
6-10  :   Not bad...Apatite says 'dat youse are ok, and youse can go free.
11-14 :   Pretty good, even Apatite didn't get this many.
14-20 :   Mr. Pratchett's lawyers will be in touch with you shortly.

******************************************************************************

**
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sorry folks.  Yahoo sent out part 1, but not part 2 (or at least
not to everyone).  If you didn't get part 1, let me know, and
I'll send it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------

WOSSNAME - JANUARY 2001 - continued - Part 2 of 2

7) HELPING HODGES

This is an appeal on behalf of Dave Hodges -- also known as "the real
Hodgesaargh", as the Discworld character of that name was based on
Terry Pratchett's encounters with him and his ancient and sometimes
temperaMENTAL bird of prey Lady Jane.

As some of you may be aware he wrote a small book entitled "The Arts
of Falconrie and Hawking - A Begginner's Guide" which he sells for 3 UK
pounds plus postage, one pound of which goes to the Orangutan
Foundation. Terry wrote an introduction for the book, and so far over 600
copies have been sold either by mail order or at Discworld events.

At the Clarecraft event in 1999 a single copy of a specially-translated
Polish language edition raised about 35 UK pounds when auctioned for
charity.  Dave would like to repeat this at future events, and if anyone
would consider translating his book into any other languages (preferably
more unusual ones) could they please contact him via his Web site at
http://www.realhhg.org.uk/realhhg.htm or by email to realhhg@....

The book itself is only about 4,000 words long, but is written in a very
distressed, idiomatic  and ancient version of English which might be quite
a challenge for the translator, still he will have no idea how good or bad
your translation is, and will simply be delighted if it looks sufficiently
foreign. <)8-)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------
8) DEATH IN DISCWORLD
A Collection of Morbid Speculations by Our Members

Be forewarned that this section may contain info in the most recent of
Discworld novels, which you may not have read yet.

PTerry is reported as saying that he is planning to kill off one of the
Discworld characters soon. He has refused to say who, but he has said
that it will be a MAJOR character. That disqualifies characters like
Dibbler, Gaspode, Detritus and so forth, who are supporting characters.

If you'd like to register your opinion, send it to: Joe Schaumburger
jschaum111@...  and we'll run it next issue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

Gaspode did almost die towards the end of T5E. I would define 'major'
characters as those of the Watch, The Witches, Wizards.

So, if a character has to die, who should it be, and why?

I guess you can say "so and so, because I don't like him", but what I'm
really looking for is a reason that will open up new plots and story
ideas. I just hope PTerry is thinking along the same lines.

To get the ball rolling, this is my suggestion: The Patrician. If
Vetinari died, that would throw Ankh-Morporkh into upheaval. Interesting
things would happen. You can be damn sure that Vimes won't like whoever
tries to take charge. There's the distinct possibility that Vimes will
go spare. Or maybe be blamed. Perhaps there will be a showdown between
Vimes the descendent of a regicide and Carrot the descendant of a
regent. That could be VERY interesting.

It's not that I'm hoping the Patrician will be killed off. I personally
think he's a great character. But it would open up a lot of new stories.

However,  we saw the reaction to that in TT (The Truth). Gaspode
was a fairly major character in TT so it could be him. On the other hand
perhaps Death will finally catch up with Rincewind. It could be a member of
the watch, perhaps Vimes or Carrot.

Think about this one:  a major character will die. Knowing Pterry,
it's going to be the person that you would least expect. I'm thinking that
it may actually be Granny. Sure she's tough but CJ (Carpe Jugulum) took a
lot out of her.

-- Nathan Clissold
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------
The general consensus amongst my DW fan friends is
Cohen. He's been a major character in at least two
novels, and he must be getting old by now. And
besides, it all depends on your definition of either
"Major" or Death". I don't isolate "Major" to the
Wizards, Witches, or Watch - I think there are other
major characters, and does death mean "no longer in
the Discworld novels" or merely "differently alive".
The Patrician dead is a scary thought. The Patrician
as a zombie? Now that's a very different thought
indeed...

-- Michael Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------
My theory is that it will be someone from UU,  most likely
Ridcully.  Isn't he almost always fending off assassins from
the faculty?  Maybe this time one of them will get through.

-- Joe Schaumburger
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------
Dear Editor:

No he isn't. The practise of rising through the faculty by bumping off
your superiors was brought to an end by Ridcully, who was usually up
earlier in the morning than any other wizard. The last wizard who tried
to assassinate him ended up walking with a limp for two weeks.

I suspect Granny might be the one. PTerry has also written that Granny
is getting so powerful that he's starting to run out of situations to
put her in. He expressed the desire to let someone get one up on the
interfering old baggage.

That was before Carpe Jugulum, so maybe all the terrible things he did
to Granny has got that urge out of his system. But, she ended up more
powerful than ever... I guess time will tell.

-- Steven D'Aprano
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

I think that Angua will go (somehow) she has far to much angst to survive.

-- Linda Fearnside
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------
Dear Editor:

Lets face it it could be anyone but there are FOUR witches
at the moment (which is a terrible break with tradition).  As
Nanny and Magrat both qualify as 'the mother,' perhaps one
of them has to go.

-- Peter Bellingham
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----
Dear Editor:
I think Rincewind is finally going to die. Or maybe he already
died and I don't know about it?

-- Cousken Yinang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------
Dear Editor:

Maybe it will be Death himself who dies and Susan
has to take over the family business permanently,
or perhaps Albert, his life timer is running quite low
- considering it is now only a bottle

-- The Snow Queen
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------
Dear Editor:

I reckon it'll be A'Tuin.  That should rock the discworld...

-- Richard
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------
Dear Editor:

Personally, I think Captain Carrot.

Carrot is a very popular figure in all Ankh-Morpork, and you can be sure
that the Watch, and the rest of the City, are going to be hunting down the
killer. Throw in his Uberwald family too. Chaos in Ankh-Morpork.

But chaos in Ankh-Morpork and Uberwald dwarves can have political
ramifications - the rest of the Disk must face the fact that the dwarves
have "invaded" the Big Wahoonie.

That kind of political chaos will provide more stories than I can think of,
I guess [or hope]. And of course it helps that I don't like Carrot all that
much anyway.

-- Mysterious Apparition
******************************************************************************

**
9) WHATEVER HAPPENED TO EGROUPS ?
(Courtesy of the Disc group)

On Tue, 30 Jan 2001 01:39:26 +0000, Alison Parker wrote:

>I was reading this list, and a couple of others I'm on, and I
>wondered why everybody was talking about yahoo?   And
>then I looked at the headers and saw the address had changed.
>When did yahoo take over?  And how come I didn't hear about
>it.   And if you're registered with yahoo as well as egroups
>are you now registered twice?   How confuzzling.

Well kinda - if you want to use the website you have to link your
email address(es) with a yahoo id - see the website for details.
Yahoo took egroups over some time ago...you should have got a
couple of emails about it.

The old addresses all still work so unless you want to use the website
you don't have to do anything...oh those of you filtering on "egroups"
will need to change the filter to "yahoogroups"

-- Mark Barltrop aka Tachyon (tachyon@...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------
10) BARGAIN FROM SCIENCE FICTION BOOK CLUB

Title: THE TRUTH
by Terry Pratchett
Publisher's Price: $24.00 - Member's Price: $11.98
- Members Save $12.02

You can contact them at sfbc.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------
11) USELESS INFO FROM ALL OVER

Towns in Klatch

There is, in Jingo, a city named Al-Khali.  Naturally I assumed
that this was merely a pune on alkali.  Silly me. I picked up
a copy of _The Amazons_ by Guy Cadogan Rothery (1910) and glanced at
page 82:

(Sir Richard) Burton in his notes on the tale of Hasan holds that
the Arabian geographers spoke of two Wak-Waks.  he quotes the French
translation of Ibn-el-Fakih and Al Ma'udi, who locate one of the
islands in East Africa beyond Zanzibar and Sofala.
On the other hand: "Le territoire des Zendjs commence au
canal (Al-Khali) derive de Haut Nil et se prolonge jusqu'au pays
des Sofalah et des Wak-Wak."  Which Burton says is simply the
peninsula of Guardefui, conquered by the Gallas before the Moslem
Somals swept them away.  The pagan Gallas continually called out
'Wak' like the Moslems cry 'Allah'!

The book does not specify further whether Al-Khali was the word for
canal, the name of the canal, the town near it, or something else.

Considering the possibilities of Wak-Wak, Guardefui, and the
Zendjs[1], I think we got off lightly.

=Tamar
[1]  Not to mention the other, even sillier names in this
old-fashioned scholarly study of a myth.

-- Richard Eney
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------
12) TRIVIA QUIZ SCORING

Answers:

1) Ruby, 2) Asphalt, 3) The Breccia, 4) Chrysoprase, The Cavern, 5)
Tethis, he was neither named after a mineral or rock, or originally from
the Discworld (all answers required for the points!) 6) the Blue Lias, 7)
One-Up, 8) Mr. Chert, Coffins, Witches Abroad.

What Your Score Means:

1-5   :   Are you sure you're not a troll yourself?
6-10  :   Not bad...Apatite says 'dat youse are ok, and youse can go free.
11-14 :   Pretty good, even Apatite didn't get this many.
14-20 :   Mr. Pratchett's lawyers will be in touch with you shortly.

******************************************************************************

**
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
February 2001 (Volume 5 Issue 2)

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers: Geof Johns, Michael Jones
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:
==Part 1
1. A Report from Colin Smythe
2. Convention News
3. New Discworld Group
4. Free Book
5. Most Unpopular Spell Combinations on Discworld
6. Your Favorite Discworld Character
7. The Limerick Contest
8.  Death on Discworld
==========================
==Part 2
9. The Three Faces of a Witch
10. Letters from our Readers
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1) A REPORT FROM COLIN SMYTHE

I'm delighted to say that at the British Book Awards
(known as the Nibbies because the award takes the
form of a large pen-nib) given out in London Feb. 22nd,
Terry received 'The Bookseller Services to Bookselling
Award' .   Here's what Nicholas Clee, the Editor of
The Bookseller, said:

"The winner of The Booksellers award for a lifetime
contribution to bookselling is an author. He is the kind
of author who tends to get overlooked when awards
committees meet. One reason for this neglect may
be that he produces bestsellers year after year, and
so gets taken for granted; another, that the genre in
which he writes is unfashionable among the kinds of
people who sit on awards committees. Yet for a good
many years he has been one of the three most popular
novelists in Britain, and no author has done more to
help booksellers, chains and independents, to sell his
books. Ladies and gentlemen, please pay tribute
to Terry Pratchett."
--------------------------

For Pratchett fans who have difficulty reading the type
in the novels, Ulverscroft /Thorpe (who've just bought ISIS)
have just published large print editions of THE CARPET
PEOPLE (0-7089-9527-6 - it has Thorpe on the spine and
Spectrum on the title page, which is their paperback
imprint) and THE FIFTH ELEPHANT (0-7089-9210-2,
which has Thorpe on the spine and Charnwood on the
title page - their hardback imprint).

Andrew M.Butler's POCKET ESSENTIALS: TERRY
PRATCHETT is a book-by-book guide to the Discworld
series, the Johnny Maxwell and Bromeliad trilogies and
the early novels, plus GOOD OMENS. Each entry
includes first publication details, notes on recurring
characters, a mini-essay and a contentious score out
of five. To be published April 2001. ISBN 1-903047-39-0.
Pocket Essentials is an imprint of  Oldcastle Books Ltd.
18 Coleswood Road, Harpenden, Herts AL5 1EQ, UK

ISIS has now issued THE TRUTH, read by Stephen
Briggs, whose reading of THE FIFTH ELEPHANT
was released just before Christmas 2000.

Samuel French (the theater publishers) expects to
publish Irana Brown's stage adaptation of LORDS AND
LADIES in May  2001 - ISBN 0-573-01888-X

-- Colin
-----------------------------------------------------
2) CONVENTION NEWS

Megan Perry writes:

We've added 8 more emails- 4 to the list of
folks responding to the Volunteer Form, and
another 4 responding to the survey in the last
WOSSNAME!   This makes around 15 surveys
I've gotten and 15 Volunteer Forms!  (Of
course, some of the folks responding to the
survey checked the little 'Yes,  I would like
to help').  Awesome, awesome!

I've started a database (finally) so that I can
keep them all straight.  And it's growing, growing,
growing.  I plan on emailing them all to thank them
for taking the time to fill out the stuff, but I'm going to
wait until Sunday night.  I might get another wave in
(and I really hope I do!).  I'm so glad we got such
a good response.

If you'd like to help, write to me at:
fleurdedisc888@...

Meg
DiscWorldCon Chairman
--------------------------------------------------------
3) NEW DISCWORLD GROUP

Hi there Joe - this is The Lady here!  Was
wondering if maybe you could mention my
community in your next newsletter?
Addicted to Discworld @ http://communities.
ninemsn.com.au/AddictedtoDiscworld

We're doing well by the way - 50+ members already
& I've only been up & running a bit over a month!!
Hoping to get even more members to join the fun though.
We have active discussions about the series and
Pratchett-God in general, including ideas for the movie
casting couch.  And of course the chat room
(Sator Square) is open whenever we can get around the
time zone problem!  We love to share our addiction with
others and it really does help to know that we are not
alone - there are other people out there who understand
our Pratchettisms when the rest of the world thinks we're
completely Bursar!!!!

Thanks Joe, see you there again soon?

The Lady
Fourecks (Australia)
thelady_goddess@...
-----------------------------------------------------
4) FREE BOOK

Subj: Prize Draw - THE THIEF OF TIME
From:    info@... (Discworld Convention 2002)

Terry's next Discworld novel, THE THIEF OF TIME,
will be released in May this year. How would you like
to own a rare advance copy? How would you
like to be the first among your friends to read it?

For just two pounds fifty pence, you can have a chance
to do just that.  The Discworld Convention 2002 is
holding a Prize Draw with a valuable proof copy of
THE THIEF OF TIME as First Prize!   Other prizes
include retired Clarecraft pieces and a unique T-shirt
featuring Rincewind by Paul Kidby, among other
tempting Discworld goodies.

Proceeds from this draw will be donated to Terry's
adopted charity, the Orangutan Foundation. To enter,
visit: http://www.dwcon.org/prize_draw.php3

You can pay by cheque or postal order, or online by
credit/debit card, using our secure payment system.
The closing date for entries is March 31st, so buy
your tickets soon!

The Committee
Discworld Convention 2002
--
* "2002: A Discworld Odyssey" * August 16th-19th, 2002 *
*  Web: http://www.dwcon.org/ * Email: info@...  *
-------------------------------------------------------
5) THE 14 MOST UNPOPULAR SPELL COMBINATIONS on DISCWORLD
© Michael Jones 2000 (Discworld and individual characters © 2000 Terry and
Lyn Pratchett)

Pelepel's Temporal Compressor and Megrim's Accelerator
(For people who want to go nowhere fast...or is that the other way round?)

Bigby's Unstoppable Force and Malachi's Immovable Object
(When physicists are becoming a serious problem).

Summoning of the Eternal Bigot and Julian's Purple Redecorating Surprise.
(Guaranteed to liven up any social situation).

Fireball (Seventh Level) and Create Stream
(Anyone for steam cleaning?)

Guthrey's Enthralling Hallucination and Berkeley's Bad Nightmare Trip
(Weeble weeble sclup...)

Resurrect the Dead and the Rite of AshkEnte
(This is what we call Polar Opposites, students. Besides which, it could
get awfully crowded).

Create Shield (Hermetic) and Sotoo's Unbearable Stench

Inspire Lust and Summon Mother-in-law.

Priap's Enduring Prominence and Disperse Clothing
(Need I say more?)

Summon Demon by Name and Feeblemind
("You never know what yer gonna get")

Summon CGI, Create Foul Script, and Lucas' Merchandising Nightmare
(For really BAD movie sequels you can't miss these spells).

Teleport (Dungeon Dimensions) and Summon Offensive Weapon
(Erinyas'  Surprising Bouquet variant)
(Hopefully they're impressionable under all those fangs).

Summon Familiar and Randall S. Pratt's Cruelty to Animals
----------------------------------------------------
6) YOUR FAVORITE DISCWORLD CHARACTER

A new poll has been created for WOSSNAME
readers by Kieran Beattie (thetownfool@...)

Who is your favorite discworld character?

o Samuel Vimes
o Carrot Ironfoundersson
o Angua von Uberwald
o Detritus
o Cheery Littlebottom
o Fred Colon
o C.W. St. J "Nobby" Nobbs
o Gaspode
o Archancellor - Mustrum Ridcully
o The Bursar - A.A. Dinwiddie (with an 'O')
o The Dean
o The Librarian
o Ponder Stibbons
o DEATH
o Susan Sto Helit
o The Death of Rats
o The Patrician - Havelock Vetinari
o Rincewind
o Twoflower
o Granny - EsmeWeatherwax
o Nanny - Gytha Ogg
o Magrat Garlick
o Agnes/Perdita X Nitt
o Greebo
o Other

To vote, please visit the following web page:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ozdw/polls

Note: Please do not reply to this message. Poll votes are
not collected via email. To vote, you must go to the Yahoo! Groups
web site listed above.

One minor disclaimer:
Yahoogroups only allows 25 slots (which I
think is enough, given we all only get to
vote for one character). And there was
much debate about who got left out. Of the
half minor/major characters - The Death of
Rats vs. Albert, Verence vs. Greebo were
some biggies. My list of characters stretched
to over 50... Dorfl, Cohen, Sybil, Igor, Jason
and Shawn Ogg, not to mention the one book
wonders like Pteppic, Errol, Brutha etc.

So please, if you have a favorite character
who is not on the list, choose the 'other' option.
As it stands I can see the librarian and Death battling
for No.1 and everyone else battling to get a vote.
--------------------------------------------------------
7) THE LIMERICK CONTEST

Aside from my sample, we now have:

THREE LIMERICKS FROM BETHANY

The sad tale of Rincewind the wizard:
He cast all his spells in a blizzard.
Despite all his magic,
The ending is tragic:
He turned himself into a lizard.

Given to Rincewind by Two-flower
A Luggage that oft would devour
All that he could see;
I'm glad that's not me!
To meet with such ferocious power...

Archchancellor, wizard, Ridcully,
Once hunted inside of a gully.
His prey was the Dean,
Who's never known lean,
He quit early, his weapons unsullied.

All above limericks property of, and copyrighted to,
Bethany Ayers, USA.
bethanyayers@...

TWO LIMERICKS FROM CANADA

The librarian was heard to cry "Ook"
While reading an interesting book
When the library exploded
He soon got quite loaded
And if he could speak he'd say "Fook"

Rincewind's spells always went off half-assed
So the wizard soon learned to run fast
He'd never look back
For with Death on his track
He planned to be first and not last

All above limericks property of, and copyrighted to,
Linde, Bryson, and Tessa Brown, CANADA

Any other poets out there?  With all the talent we
have, we should be able to get dozens more, at
least.  Contest will be open until the May issue.

8) DEATH ON DISCWORLD

(In the January issue, we presented some
speculations by our readers on which
character Terry is going to kill off in the
near future, as rumored.  We are still
getting mail on this:)

Dear Editor,

The character death thing is interesting.
My gut seems to say that one who would
die is Death.  It's so impractical.  I agree
with some of the other people on the list,
there would be some real plot openings
and changes if Vetinari died; but the only
character I can see dying is Magrat.  She's
the only one stupid enough to die, and
she's getting out of the witch circle. If we
watch the message boards more, though,
rumors will out!

-- Sarah S.
Dragonmiss
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Editor,

On  23/01/01, Steve D'Aprano wrote:
>I suspect Granny might be the one.
>PTerry has also written that Granny
>is getting so powerful that he's starting
>to run out of situations to >put her in. He
>expressed the desire to let someone
>get one up on the interfering old baggage.
>
>That was before Carpe Jugulum, so maybe
> all the terrible things he did to Granny has
>got that urge out of his system. But, she
>ended up more powerful than ever...
>I guess time will tell.

I don't know. Control of power is inherent in
Witchcraft, the same way obligation is. The
greatest battles Granny faces now are the
ones with herself. Witches who decide to
run rampant with their power tend to meet
destiny rather quickly. The more powerful
Granny becomes, the more of her power
she must exert simply to control herself.
That in itself makes some good storylines,
as we saw in CJ.

-- Michael Jones
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Editor,

I personally believe that the one to die will be
Captain Vimes because in T5E ( does anyone
remember the fifth element?) Vimes takes the first
vacation of his life and Carrot takes over for a while.
This leaves the field open for Carrot to take over
permanently. Also, with Vimes gone, not too
many people will be upset and will start to try to bribe
Carrot and such ( they don't know him very well do they...).

-- Kim Hickey
-----------------------------------------------------
Dear Editor,

I don't think it will be the Patrician,
because we already saw what will
happen, in The Truth. Likewise, I
don't think it could be Granny, because
she almost did in Carpe Jugulum.

My guess is either Nobby Nobbs or
Fred Colon. It won't be Vimes or Sybil,
because they're expecting, and by all
reports, PTerry isn't that cruel. Angua
and Carrot are the semi-obligatory
tween romance, so it probably won't be
one of them. It might be one of the UU
staff; perhaps Ridcully or the Bursar. But
my vote is Nobby.

-- Bethany Ayers, Kansas, USA
*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 2


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - FEBRUARY 2001 - PART 2 OF 2 (continued)

9) === ACCUSATIONS of LITERATURE ===
© Michael Jones 2000 (Discworld and individual characters
© 2000 Terry and Lyn Pratchett)

THE THREE FACES OF A WITCH

Of all the religions in the world, Witchcraft has
perhaps been the most malleable. Religions have
lived and died, but Witchcraft has continually
metamorphosed from the Pagan ceremonies
that gave birth to it, to the superstition and
herbalism that earned it baptism by fire during the
Inquisition, to the new age mysticism that drives it now.

In modern times, it has earned itself a new name - Wicca,
the old English origin of the word Wise, and the word
that originally gave rise to the name "Witch", and like this
change, the religion has undergone its latest step
forward, by looking back to the traditions that originally
defined it.

The Discworld witches, on first appearances, owe little
to the ancient origins of the art. Magrat is typical of the
new age practitioner, with her jewelry and her
methodistic approach to the practice of witchcraft. She
is a "Which", or a Research Witch. Nanny Ogg appears
to be a witch by name only - it is only later on in the
series that we see her use any "real" magic. Of the three
witches, Granny Weatherwax is the closest to the "hag"
legends of old, with her potions and headology, and her
skill at the most magical of a Discworld witch's abilities
- borrowing.

However, if Pratchett has a skill, it is using his characters
to get to the truth at the heart of any subject, and his
witches are indeed, more than they seem.

Witches in ancient and modern times worshipped two
goddesses, a Male and Female, although the most well
known is the Female Goddess and aspect of their religion.
This Female Goddess is also the Moon Goddess, and thus
witches are known as worshippers of the moon. Pratchett
has not forgotten the male-female balanced nature of
Witchcraft, however; in Lords and Ladies we meet the King
of the Elves, the giant, horned and unmistakably male
God-creature living in another dimension beneath the
Long Man, and our suspicions are confirmed when he asks
Nanny to bow before him. The Male God of the Witches
lives on in the Discworld, albeit diminished in his own
dimension.

The Female-Moon Goddess in our own world is also
known as the Threefold Goddess. This threefold nature
comprises her three faces as the Maiden, the Mother,
and the Crone. This threefold structure is a key tenet of the
Discworld coven - it contains a Maiden, a Mother, and a
Crone - so much so that, in Carpe Jugulum, when the
structure is disturbed by the addition of Agnes Nitt, we
see chaos break loose as the Witches struggle to find
their places within the coven once more.

This Threefold Construct has descended from the Gods
of the most ancient civilisations. The Goddess most
often given the role of the Threefold Goddess is Hecate,
the ancient God of Crossroads, although Hecate is also
often used to describe the Crone phase of a Witch's
powers. The Threefold concept has persisted because it
is a reflection of the basic progression of life - we pass
through infancy (Maiden) into the child-bearing years
(Mother) and then, when our reproductive life ends, we
live out our old age until death (Crone).

In the first Witch novels of the Discworld series, we see
this structure mirrored in the tiny coven that Granny
leads. Magrat Garlick is the Maiden - she is unmarried,
and innocent. Nanny Ogg is the Mother - she is
"much-married", has many children, and even though
she is in old age and past the child-bearing years, she
is still very much focused on the world of sex and lust.
Granny Weatherwax, of course, is the archetypal crone,
old, withered, and powerful. Remember that the people
of Lancre traditionally called Nanny Ogg to deliver their
children, and Granny to lay out the dead.

These roles mirror the traditional spheres that the three
phases of the Moon Goddess held sway over, but in
Pratchett's witches, we see signs of imbalance. Nanny is
aged; Granny, despite her best efforts, cannot perfect
the image of a Hag, with her perfect teeth and flawless
complexion; and in Lords and Ladies, Magrat leaves the
realm of the Maiden by marrying, and by Carpe Jugulum,
has become a Mother by birthing her first child.

These imbalances build to a shattering climax in Carpe
Jugulum where the coven is torn apart by the entrance
of a fourth member - Agnes Nitt. All of a sudden we
see that we have two maidens, Agnes and Magrat;
but Magrat has become a Mother, along with Nanny;
and, to Nanny's dismay, with Granny's absence, she
is called upon to become the Crone. Granny Weatherwax
herself  has taken a sojourn to the Gnarly Lands of Lancre,
and her fate is undecided.

By the close of Carpe Jugulum, we see a balance has been
struck. Granny, after journeying through fire and water, after
facing death, and life after death - an even more terrifying
prospect - has returned to the coven. But how have the
imbalances been reconciled?

In solving this puzzle, I look to modern Wiccan beliefs,
and their ancient basis. Modern witches view the
maiden/mother/crone as sources of power rather
than times of life. They believe that, at different times
of life, witches can draw upon different powers. Young
witches might have as their  primary source of power
the Maiden phase of the Moon Goddess, but at the
same time also draw upon the Mother aspect of their
nature. And so, with this in mind, it is possible for
Magrat to be both Maiden and Mother, and it is
possible for Nanny to be Mother, but draw upon
the powers of the Crone.

But this still leaves the question of Granny's place
in the coven. By the end of Carpe Jugulum she has
been changed. She has faced death, after her
attack by the Vampyres, and has walked from the
forests of Lancre transformed, and more powerful
than ever. Can she be Crone any more? Is
she, as the Vampyres suggest, part creature of
darkness herself?

I think the answer lies, once more, partly in modern
Wiccan beliefs.

Consider the phases of the moon. The new moon
(a crescent),  the waxing or gibbous moon, the full
moon, the waning moon, and second crescent
moon. The Threefold Moon Goddess has traditionally
been associated with these phases - the New moon
being the Maiden, the Waxing moon (as it moves
towards fullness) as the Mother (just as the mother
moves toward the fullness of  life). The full and waning
moon is associate with the crone - a woman who
has lived her life fully and now has access to the most
powerful aspects of her nature. But what of the phase
as the moon moves once more towards a crescent,
before disappearing completely and being born anew?
Where does it lie within the equation? Modern witches
are, perhaps, not content simply to believe (much like
Pratchett's witches) and so have looked back to the
roots of their religion to bring to life a fourth aspect of
the moon Goddess - the Warrior.

The Warrior aspect of the Goddess is said to be found
as a part of each phase of life. The Warrior aspect of
the Maiden is known as the Dark Maiden, and perhaps
it is this Dark Maiden that Magrat tapped when she
faced the Queen of the Elves to fight for the life of her
husband to be. The Warrior aspect of the Mother is
also known as the Bleeding Goddess and it is wise
to remember that the mothers of all species will fight with
ferocity when their children are threatened - remember
Nanny's words when she tells the King of the Elves, "But
I've got kiddies, y'see, and they don't hide under the
stairs because they're frit of the thunder, and they
don't put milk out for the elves, and they don't hurry
home because of the night, and before we go back to
them dark old ways I'LL SEE YOU NAILED.".

And the Warrior aspect of the Crone is the darkest of all,
and of many names I have seen given to this aspect, the
most powerful is Nemesis.

The name "Dark Maiden" pertains to the fact that the
waning moon is once more moving towards a crescent,
the crescent moon that marks the Maiden phase of life.
At this time of the lunar cycle, however, it is on the
other side of the circle of life that the moon phases
represent. Perhaps this Dark Maiden, this Nemesis,
is indicative of what Granny has become - in Lords
and Ladies we discover that, as well as being a
Crone, she is also still a Maiden, having never married.
This peculiar combination of powers - the experience
and self-assurance of the Crone melded with the
innocent and pure power of the Maiden - is what
gives her power over the unicorn in Lords and Ladies
(only a virgin can control a unicorn) and perhaps it is
what allows her to overcome the Vampyres' influence
in Carpe Jugulum.

Thus we see the resolution to the imbalance that
has haunted the Discworld witches from their
beginning. Agnes Nitt lives now as the Maiden, in
Magrat Garlick's old cottage, but shares the role with
Magrat, who is now just beginning to realise the
power inherent in motherhood; Magrat and Nanny
share the role of Mother, Magrat just beginning and
Nanny towards the end of her span; but this
imbalance is in turn countered by the fact that
Granny, as well as being the Crone, is also
tapping that part of her nature that is represented
by the Dark Maiden - Nemesis. She is more than just
crone - she is also warrior.

Perhaps the most important thing that modern
Wicca teaches us is that belief is personal. Wicca
teaches us that rules, to be effective, must be
simple and few. Every witch in our own world
casts their spells in their own way - there is no
formula that cannot be changed. Some Wiccans
do not even think in terms of spells. Their single
unifying belief is the Threefold Law - that all that
you do returns to you thrice. Remember when
Granny caught the blade of a sword in her bare
hand - she could magic the blade at the time,
but on her return to Lancre, faced the
consequences of taking a sword blow to the naked
hand. The single unifying rule of Wicca is to respect
nature, and the only real sin is to act in defiance
of nature.

This is the Wiccan rede - "An' it harm none, do
what thou wilt".  These same rules are the ones
we see echoed so often in the Discworld witches,
who will gleefully disobey laws, but will always
respect their universal "right" and "wrong". This
law of nature is the law broken by Lady Felmet in
Wyrd Sisters; by Lilith Weatherwax in Witches
Abroad; by the Queen of the Elves in Lords and
Ladies; and by the Vampyres in Carpe Jugulum.

It appears that Pratchett's witches are ahead of
their time; in many ways, they know their Wicca
better than they know their Witchcraft.

-- Michael Jones
----------------------------------------------------------
10) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS

A ROUGH TIME

Dear Editor,

Thank you!  Sometimes Yahoo also reminds
me that the term yahoo can also be derogatory!
But we must come to expect such glitches and
other such FUBAR.  When tech types talk of
artificial intelligence I prepare for an onslaught
of outright dimwittedness. Oh well...

I want to take this chance to thank you for the
group and 'zine. they helped me through a rough
time. My only way online was through my local
library till about 1/2 year back. And until 2 months
back I had been homeless for over a year. When
not out looking for work or a place to live I used a
text only system at my library to go online. I  found
help and encouragement from an online group of
exhomeless & homeless people. But  I looked
forward to reading (and saving in email folders) every
issue of WOSSNAME. I can really relate to the
group under the bridge. I think I may even know
foul ole Ron! Spent a lot of time under highway
overpasses. Links to the Discworld and Piers
Anthony's XANTH (and the books) were my only
escape!

-- Name withheld
----------------------------------------------------
HODGESAARGH SPEAKS

(An appeal on behalf of Dave Hodges -- also known
as "the real Hodgesaargh", as the Discworld
character of that name was based on Terry
Pratchett's encounters with him and his ancient
and sometimes temperaMENTAL bird of prey
Lady Jane ran in the January issue. Dave was
looking for volunteers to translate his book into
various languages, to raise a couple of bucks
for the Orangutan Foundation, Terry's favorite
charity.)

Dear Editor,

Thank you. I have already had one offer due
to Wossname (Italian).

-- Dave Hodges
-----------------------------------------------------
IDIOTS ON THE AIR

Dear Editor,

I was watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" on
Saturday evening and the UKP 32,000 (USD 48,181.23)
question was....  (conversion at 1.44318 USD to UKP)

"The Discworld novels were the invention of which
Science Fiction Writer?"

(forgive me if the wording is not entirely correct)
Then shock, horror, the guy walked away with
UKP 16,000 because he didn't know the answer!!!

SHAME
 
-- Anne Stone
PKO and vampire
Founder member of BURA
-----------------------------------------
RINCEWIND'S PARENTS

Dear Editor,

Don't forget in The Light Fantastic
(page 104 in my book) Rincewind was
talking about Cohen the Barbarian
when he said "I remember my grandad
telling me he saw him... my grandad
telling me he... my grandad..."

So Rincewind at least knew his
grandad even if his parents ran away.

-- Hayley Francis)
----------------------------------------------------
A FAULT IN THE TRUTH

Dear Editor,

I think I may have found a fault.  In THE TRUTH,
it lists AM as the largest dwarf city, with 50,000
(High Priest of Blind Io Hughnon Ridcully talking
to Vetinari early in the book) but somewhere in
T5E it says it is second largest, with 5,000
(this I think is Carrot talking to Vimes, but I
can't find it, and it's not in the Patrician's
conversations with Vimes, so it may well be Inigo.)

-- Kieran Beattie
----------------------------------------------------
GOFAD COMPLAINS

(As you may know, in addition to our other activities,
we also collect and send to the UK the dues money
for anyone who wants to join GOFAD.  About a year
ago, GOFAD raised its dues from USD 20.00 to
USD 26.00. However, since our webmaster was
abducted by aliens or whatever, we were never able
to fix our websites to reflect this, and people have
continued to send in the old amount. Up until now.
GOFAD has been willing to accept this, but they
won't any more:)

Dear Editor,

Okay Joe, got that new member but as to increasing
the rates in the US, I have the same problem here
when people try to use old application forms. I don't
do them until they pay the correct amount.

I usually write and say terribly sorry but you appear
to have used the old form and we've had to increase
the price  because prices have risen and it now costs
us more to both produce materials and to post them
to you.

I also mention to overseas members that the
unfortunate strength of sterling compared to many
other currencies makes the situation so bad.

Then I come in with how the club doesn't make any
profits and all the work is done by volunteers and we
receive no funds from either Terry or his publishers.

I can begin to feel very unappreciated by then, all the
work I have to do for nothing and is anybody grateful?
I don't think so, all they do is complain....

However, the bottom line is that if the increase puts
them off joining, so be it. We are not a charity!

Cordially,

-- Elizabeth Alway, GOFAD

******************************************************************************

**
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
March 2001 (Volume 4, Issue 3)

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers: Geof Johns, Michael Jones
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Calling the History Monks
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:
==Part 1
1. Report from Colin Smythe
2. New HarperCollins Site
3. Book Review: The Thief of Time
4. Poetry Corner
==Part 2
5. The Thief of Time: UK Tour
6. The Limerick Contest
7. Letters from Our Readers
==Part 3
8. Puzzle: Seek a Terry Word

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
CALLING THE HISTORY MONKS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
To our great surprise and horror, we  just discovered
that WOSSNAME has moved one year into the
future without telling anybody.  Our volume number
which had been Vol. 1 in 1998, Vol. 2 in 1999, and
Vol. 3 in 2000,  then moved into Vol. 4 in December,
and is now in Vol. 5 in 2001.  We have, of course,
hastily corrected  it with this issue, and hope the
History Monks can be persuaded to rewrite the past
so that it never happened.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) REPORT FROM COLIN SMYTHE

AWARDS

Thinking of awards, Terry's voting figures in SFX magazine's
readers' awards for 2000 (in the Spring 2001 issue) are impressive.

Under Best Original SF/Fantasy Novel, votes for Terry's books
were split between The Truth (17%) and The Fifth Elephant (10.1%),
amounting to 27.1% of those who voted. (The winner, Iain M. Banks'
Look to Windward polled 18.5%)

Nearly a quarter (23.7%) of SFX's readers who voted thought Terry
was 2000's Best SF/Fantasy Author. No. 2 was Iain M. Banks,
with 12% of the vote.

Terry's been queried about the services to bookselling bit of his
Nibby (see the latest issue of Ansible).  But think of the masses
of books he's sold - I'd guess in the region of 22 million worldwide
-  and how he's helped booksellers survive as a result. And
publishers too, for that matter. An email I received recently from
one in Eastern Europe implied that if Terry didn't exist, neither
would his publishing house. (And I can think of a number of Irish
authors' books that wouldn't have been published either.)

Footnote: I've wondered what the letters JCB - "Jekub"
(belonging to the Blackbury Sand and Gravel PLC) in 'Diggers'
stood for, and no one I asked was able to tell me - obviously
I asked the wrong people. Today's obituary page in the Daily
Telegraph gave me the answer - J. C. Bamford, whose initials
became the dictionary definition of an excavator, started his
business after WW2, paying fifty shillings for welding equipment,
and starting with steel from disused air raid shelters, the first
named JCB being marketed in 1953.

-- Colin Smythe
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------
A WORD FROM TERRY ON THE AWARD

Some of you may have heard that pTerry recently got an award "For
Services to Bookselling" & wondered, as what precisely that
meant.Here's the explanation - in his own words

"A few weeks ago I was given an award by the Booksellers Association
in the UK.  It was rather...odd.  I've been shortlisted as Author of the
Year five times, I think (but since it's an award for *all* authors, it
tends to get picked up by travel and cookery writers:-)    This year
they invented the award 'For Services to Bookselling' just to give it to
me.  Roughly translated, it meant 'Sold Shitloads Of Books In A Genre
Usually Ignored When We Give Out Awards' ."

-- Mark Barltrop aka Tachyon (tachyon@...)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----
2) NEW HARPERCOLLINS SITE

OnLine Marketing at HarperCollins Publishers USA is on the verge
of launching terrypratchettfbooks.com and thiefoftime.net to coincide
with the release of THIEF OF TIME.  They plan on launching the site
on April 1, 2001.

The sites will include a mix of Discworld facts, special intro
messages from Terry,  excerpts from all of his books currently
released in the USA, a THIEF OF TIME give-away sweeps and
discussion boards.

-- Abigail Kunath
Online Marketing Manager
HarperCollins Publishers
Abigail.Kunath@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

3) BOOK REVIEW:

THE THIEF OF TIME
May 2001
336 pages, HarperCollins, hardcover, $25.00 ($20.00 Amazon.com)
Audio Version, unabridged, $40.00 ($36.00 Amazon.com)
6 -city author tour: Boston, Los Angeles,
New  York, San Diego, Seattle,
San Francisco

(An advance copy of THE THIEF OF TIME
was generously donated to WOSSNAME by
Jennifer Brehl, Pratchett's editor at
HarperCollins.)

Terry Pratchett's new book is a gem. Not
only is there a lot more fantasy in it than
in his last few books, but many of your
favorites are back: Susan, Nanny Ogg,
Igor, all with major roles to play.

The plot, basically, is that the Auditors
have worked out a new plan to restore harmony
to the universe by stopping Time and eliminating
all those pesky life forms, especially people.

Opposing them are a ragtag rabble of heroes
including a floor sweeper, a patched-together
creature from Uberwald, the History Monks, and
Death's granddaughter.

Death is not allowed to help them officially,
but instead is forced to go around trying to
line up the other three Horsemen to participate
in the ending of the world. They're not interested.

And then there's Ronnie, the former fifth
Horseman, who quit the group before it got
famous.

But Time, it seems, is a Lady.  She has had a son
by a mortal, and he has a very severe case of split
personality.

It's interesting to note that both Terry Pratchett
and Piers Anthony came up with personifications of
Death in the same year (1983).

Anthony, however, used up the theme in his seven-book
"Incarnations of Immortality" series, while Pratchett
focused mainly on Death and turned him into one of
the most popular and appealing characters in modern
fantasy fiction

All in all, a rollicking romp through time and space,
and a very worthwhile addition to your Pratchett
collection.

-- Joe Schaumburger
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
4) POETRY CORNER

THE CITY ANKH

Walking through the city streets at dawn
You see a place with odd bits on
A bar been broken - the Mended Drum
The sunlight as sticky as been-chewed gum
The shadows in corners so dark and dank
That cabbage-y smell is the city Ankh
With a river so thick on top you can walk
And Creatures of the Night, attempting to stalk
A man in a dress with a pointy hat
He says he's a wizzard (don't know about that)
He talks to a tall fellow, dressed in all black
And you think you can see the chills down his back
He runs and he hides, to live another day
For his whole life, knowing no other way
And following the man, more frightening than any fleet
A simple wooden box, with hundreds of feet

-- Megan Perry

*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2001 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

5) THE THIEF OF TIME: UK TOUR

Thursday 3rd May
--------------------------
12.30-1.30pm
Hammicks
St Peter’s Street
St Albans AL1 3LF

4.30-5.30pm
Ottakars
Unit 32-33 Castle Quay
Banbury   OX16 5DZ

Friday 4th May
-------------------------
12.30-1.30pm
Waterstones
Merry Hill Centre
Brierley Hill
West Midlands DY5 1SJ

4.30-5.30pm
Waterstones
91 Deansgate
Manchester M3 2BW

Saturday 5th May
-------------------------
12.00-1.00pm
Borders
34 Colisium Way
Ellesmore Port
Cheshire CH65 9HD

Friday 18th May
-----------------------
12.30-1.30pm
Books Etc
Cabot Place East
Canary Wharf
London E14 4QT

4.30-5.30pm
Hammicks
8 The Carfax
Horsham
West Sussex RH12 1DP

Saturday 19th May
---------------------------
12.00-1.00pm
Ottakars
6/8 Grace Reynolds Walk
Main Square Shopping Centre
Camberley  GU15 3SN

Thursday 24th May
----------------------------
12.30-1.30pm
Ottakars
The Bridges Shopping Centre
Sunderland SR1 3RB

4.30-5.30pm
Waterstones
Emerson Chambers
Newcastle  NE1 7JF

Friday 25th May
-----------------------
12.30-1.30pm
Borders
1-5 Davygate
York  YO1 8QR

4.30-5.30pm
Waterstones
25-26 Butts Court
Leeds LS1 1JS

Saturday 26th May
---------------------------
12.00-1.00pm
Waterstones
1-5 Bridlesmith Gate
Nottingham  NG1 2GR

-- Colin Smythe
------------------------------------------------------
6) THE LIMERICK CONTEST

MORE LIMERICKS FROM CANADA

Here’s proof Rincewind's’ a wizard I’ll show,
it’s something I think we should know.
He can’t cast a spell,
but the way you can tell
is because the sign on his hat says so!

On the mortal and DEATH the moon shone
The mortal knew life as he knew it was gone
“I thought your horse was of bone�
The answer in reply was a moan:
I GOT TIRED OF WIRING BITS ON!

-------------------------------------------------------

7) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS

NANNY OGG, MIDWIFE

Dear Editor,

I've received a birth certificate for a child born at Steiglits,
Victoria in 1894 and the midwife was Nanny Ogg.  She
does get around a bit, doesn't she?

-- Dianne Hughes, Australia
----------------------------------------------------------------------

HAVELOCK VETINARI

Dear Editor,

I was reading was 'The Prince' by a certain
Niccolo Machiavelli.

Do you think he bears an uncanny resemblance
to a certain Patrician?  Even down to his friendship
with Leonard(o)?

-- Bobby Cox

REPLIES:
----------------
Dear Bobby,

I think it's only slightly less than blindingly obvious
who Havelock Vetinari is based on... :)

But with significant differences. Consider that
Vetinari's book is called  "The Servant" rather
than "The Prince". It seems to me that Vetinari is
not actually into power as an end in itself, he just
wants to make sure his city is safe. Like Vimes,
really... just a different approach to the same goal.

And, despite the bad rep he has, just like
Machiavelli himself.

Contrary to popular opinion, "The Prince" was M's
explanation to his prince about what it takes to be a good
ruler, *not* what it takes to grab power  and hold onto it.

Also consider his name... "Vetinari" has something in
common with "Medici", don't you think? Especially
considering the de Medicis were powers at the time
of Machiavelli.

-- David James Hopkins, Australia

Dear David,

OK, own up: you've been reading the Annoted
Pratchett File, haven't you?

-- Steven D'Aprano

Dear Steven,

Pterry has mentioned before where he got his influence
for Vetinari's name, but he said that with some
lateral thinking we could work out why the other
families, ie, Selachii and Venturi.

Any ideas?

-- Hayley Francis


*************************************************************************
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - MARCH 2001 - PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---
8) PUZZLE
SEEK A TERRY WORD

D R S T H T O O K W D R L N L
L U R O O T C G E P E G I A L
G O N R U T A A G H T A T S A
M A R M A R T E T R R S T U F
N A R R A H C A D A I P L S M
C A I L E N F E Z M T O E T I
J N I R I G I R R T U D B U R
E P W R O C A F M O S E O A A
G A Z H A E K L E P R D T N N
X W K D L R O W C S I D T O I
P N S N O B B I T S T I O L T
A P A T R I C I A N M I M E E
D I B B L E R E L F F O N H V
E T I L O X I D E L B M U C S
D B L U G G A G E C N E R E V

Words can run backwards, forwards, or diagonally.
Letters can be used for more than one word.
See how many of these you can find:

ANKH             GARLICK        OOK
AZRAEL           GASPODE        PATRICIAN
CARROT           HOGFATHER      RAMTOPS
CHELONAUT        IXOLITE        RIMFALL
DEATH            LIBRARIAN      SCUMBLE
DETRITUS         LITTLEBOTTOM   STIBBONS
DIBBLER          LUGGAGE        SUSAN
DISCWORLD        MIME           VERENCE
DUNMANIFESTIN    MORT           VETINARI
ERROL            OCTARINE       WEATHERWAX
ELF              OFFLER
                  OGG

(This is an experiment.  Please let me know if it prints on
your printer.  If it works, and you like it, we'll do more of these.)

Solution next month.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
April 2001 (Volume 4, Issue 4)

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers: Geof Johns, Michael Jones
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

==Part 1

1. USA Signing Tour
2. GOFAD Direct
3. Theater Note
4. Report from Colin Smythe
5. Terry on Editing
6. Briggs on Eurocheques

==Part 2

7. Letters from Our Readers

==Part 3

8. Puzzle: Seek a Terry Word
**************************************************
==Part 1

1) USA Signing Tour for THE THIEF OF TIME
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, May 08, 2001
Appears at: DANGEROUS VISIONS
13563 Ventura Blvd. Sherman Oaks, CA
Tel: 818-986-6963

Tuesday, May 08, 2001 08:00 PM
Appears at: BOOK SOUP
Los Angeles, CA

Wednesday, May 09, 2001 07:00 PM - 08:30 PM
Appears at: MYSTERIOUS GALAXY
/ Speaking, Q & A, signing
San Diego, CA

Thursday, May 10, 2001 07:00 PM - 09:00 PM
Appears at: BOOKSMITH
/ Speaking, Q & A, signing
1644 Haight St. San Francisco, CA
Tel: 415-863-8688

Friday, May 11, 2001 01:00 PM - 03:00 PM
Appears at: FUTURE FANTASY / Signing
Palo Alto, CA

Friday, May 11, 2001 07:30 PM - 09:00 PM
Appears at: CODY'S BOOKSELLERS
/ Speaking, Q & A, signing
2454 Telegraph Ave. Berkeley, CA 94704
Tel: 510-845-0837

Saturday, May 12, 2001 07:00 PM - 09:00 PM
Appears at: UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE
/ Speaking, Q & A, signing
Seattle, WA

Monday, May 14, 2001 01:00 PM - 02:30 PM
Appears at: STARS OUR DESTINATION / Signing
705 Main St. Evanston, IL
Tel: 847-570-5925

Monday, May 14, 2001 06:00 PM - 07:30 PM
Appears at: BORDERS #405
/ Speaking, Q & A, Signing
150 N. State Chicago, IL 60601
Tel: 312-606-0750

Tuesday, May 15, 2001 07:30 PM - 08:30 PM
Appears at: BARNES & NOBLE #2538 (CHELSEA)
/ Speaking, Q & A, signing
675 Sixth Avenue New York, NY 10010
Tel: 212-727-1227
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) GOFAD DIRECT

The UK Guild of Fans ad Disciples (GOFAD) has announced
a new way of joining the Guild online with a credit card on the
website http://www.bigfoot.com/~gofad.  This will replace the
present method for our members around the world who have
been unable to join except by forming groups (like the KFL,
for example, which started this way) and sending the money
through in bulk to avoid the heavy bank charges.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) THEATER NOTE

Be Unafraid!  Be Very Unafraid!
The City Watch is back in:

Terry Pratchett's

MEN AT ARMS

Directed by Pamela Munt

Re-visit all of your old friends (well
some of them, anyway) in MEN AT ARMS
-  the sequel to GUARDS! GUARDS!

Find out whether Lady Ramkin gets her man.

Who are the new recruits to the City Watch?
Could they have something to do with the
Patrician's new policy of equal employment
opportunities for ethnic minority groups?

For instance, why was Angua recruited?
Because she is a w____?

How will Captain Vimes and his troops save
the city of Ankh-Morpork this time? (and
from what?)

Is there any truth to the rumour that clowns
can be funny, and assassins deadly? (or was it
the other way around?)

Find out the answers to these questions
and more by attending Unseen Theatre Company's
production of MEN AT ARMS:

Of course you don't have to have seen
GUARDS! GUARDS! to enjoy the sequel because
our dear Footnote will be there to make sure
you know exactly what is going on.

Where:  Bakehouse Theatre
255 Angas Street, Adelaide, Australia
When:      June  22nd to July 7th, 2001 at 8pm.
Bookings: Betty on 82962004 or BASS 131246.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) REPORT FROM COLIN SMYTHE

DVDs: The Cosgrove Hall production of Wyrd Sisters
was released on DVD last November by Vision Video
(EAN 0440-0780272-4), and I gather that Soul Music
will be released on DVD next August. Present intention
is that it will contain the Pratchett interview that was so
irritatingly placed at the beginning of each tape so one
has to fast-forward on the first tape to get to the start of
Soul Music and on the second tape to get to the rest of it.

In March 2001 Steve Jackson Games published
"GURPS DISCWORLD ALSO"
GURPS games adaptation by Phil Masters.
Additional Material by John M. Ford and Terry Pratchett.
Edited by Graeme Davis. Cover and Interior Illustrations
by Sean Murray (ISBN1-55634-447-3,
their ref, SJG02095 6061) selling at $20.95

Its being distributed in the UK by three companies,
but I haven't yet rung them to find out their sterling prices

Esdevium Games
01420-89900
FAX 0142 87900

Hobbygames Ltd.
01903-730998
FAX 01903-731141

WAM Ltd.
01922-620000
FAX 01922-724848

-- Colin Smythe
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) TERRY ON EDITING

This is what pTerry had to say about the differences between the US & UK
editions of TRUTH:

"Some of the changes I made, because of the US publishing industry's
belief that Tisoftheeans are dumb and shouldn't be faced with things
that are new or unfamiliar -- and this is a powerful factor.  Some were
made by the US copy editor out of a belief that an adherence to Webster
over-rules any consideration of natural speech rhythms.  Some were made
because it's very, very hard to find a copy editor who doesn't have the
urge to tinker.

Hah.  In Thief of Time the battle over 'biscuit' and 'rusk' went to the
mat!"

In deference to my wife's request for a Glossary I should explain
Tisoftheeans is how pTerry sometimes refers to people from the USofA
I gather its something to do with a song they sing over there:-)

--Mark Barltrop aka Tachyon (tachyon@...)
http://www.tachyonuk.com  - ICQ 13415498

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) BRIGGS ON EUROCHEQUES

Joe,

I don't know whether you have many European fans in your database, but
banking changes in the UK mean that I can no longer accept payments in
sterling Eurocheques (these were a very useful way for EC fans to get hold
of sterling). If you have a spare corner in a future issue, perhaps you
could include something along the following lines?

"Stephen (CMOT) Briggs' bank, in common with all or most UK banks, will
now not accept sterling Eurocheques as the cost of processing them
outweighs their value. He'd like to let his European fans know that this
means he can't take payments for merchandise (or royalty payments for
productions of the Discworld plays) in the form of sterling Eurocheques.
For his merchandise, though, he *can* now of course take payments by Visa,
Mastercard and Switch. Full details of his range of Discworld stuff
still available from sbriggs@..."

-- Stephen.

*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- APRIL 2001 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)

7) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS

WHEREFOR ART THOU VETINARI?

To the editor:

Pterry has mentioned before where he got his
influence for Vetinari's name, but he said
that with some lateral thinking we could work
out why the other families had names like
Selachii and Venturi. Any ideas?

-- Hayley Francis

To the editor:

Isn't that in the new, revised APF?  If not...
Selachii and Venturi are sharks and jets.
The Sharks and the Jets were the rival teenage
gangs in the Broadway musical, West Side Story,
which was based on Romeo and Juliet, and set in
Italy in more or less the era of the Medici and
Machiavelli.

-- Tamar Lindsay

HEROES AND VILLAINS

To the editor:

Reading the new Star Wars scriptment on the net
got me thinking about movie characters, and how
generally speaking the villains are usually much
more memorable than the good guys. Which got me
thinking about PTerry, and how in his books this
is reversed.

PTerry's heroes are very memorable: Rincewind,
Granny, Vimes, Carrot -- they all have amazing
personalities and are very unforgettable. But his
villains? His most memorable villains, the elves
and the auditors, are memorable for what they are,
rather than any distinct personality. The others
are sort of just Interchangeable Bad Guys. What
do people think? Does PTerry write good Bad Guys?

--  Steven D'Aprano

To the editor:

I have to disagree with Steve. I think PTerry
writes great villains. I mean, look at people like
Vorbis and Mr. Teatime, truly evil, twisted,
demented, and despicable people. I don't think his
villains are more memorable than his protagonists,
but I do think he writes good villains.

-- Dan

To the editor:

Someone has questioned whether Pratchett's villains
are a bit underdeveloped.  Well, of course, as the
antagonists of a given book, they have to be
eliminated by the (hopefully continuing) heroes, so
there is less time for character development.  It's an
inherent handicap in the role.

Personally, I found the villains in The Truth to be
quite a bit more memorable than the hero.  And the
title characters in Lords and Ladies had quite a bit
in common with the chief malfeasor in the Fifth
Elephant.

What I notice (and appreciate) about Pratchett is that
wanton cruelty is clearly condemned. And picturesque
poverty is not romanticized.

It's strange, to find oneself seeking moral guidance
and instruction from a fantasy series, but it works
for me.

-- Sue Reynolds, carefully refraining from
spy planes or werewolf comments

To the editor:

A reason why PTerry's villains may appear to be
somewhat... bland is the fact that they're only
around for the one book!  With the exception of
the Auditors, of course... Whereas the 'good guys'
have more than one book, and therefore, more time
to develop their characters.

-- Bobby Cox

THAT ----ING WORD

To the editor:

How do you pronounce Mr. Tulip's "----ing"?
I like to know how to pronounce words I'm
reading, but this has me stumped!

-- Sue Reynolds

To the editor:

You know, this is one time I think there was a
misjudgment by the author.  If you delete all
the ----ing, the book reads much more fluently,
and it's far less annoying.  I tended, the first
time around, to assume that the ---- represented
the conventional profanities, and that the
author was just trying to avoid writing them out;
when it became clear that the profanities were
deleted by the character, the whole thing became,
um, tedious.  Besides, as my father always reminded
me when I was cussing, it's a sign of inadequate
vocabulary--not something that Pratchett, bless
his figgins and moules, can be accused of.

The "----ing" is to show what sort of a person
Mr. Tulip is... thugs like him generally swear
every couple of words, so he has to! obviously
Pterry didn't want to swear a lot in the book,
so he replaced it with "----ing" and made it
into a character quirk that shows how Mr. Tulip
actually says the word. That's what I think anyway.

--  Fuzzy (aka Fiona Wynn)

*************************************************************************
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME - APRIL 2001 - PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

FEET OF CLAY WORD SEARCH

by CatTigerLi


D E T R I T U S K H H O O K L
I O R E S M I T E R E J P B I
B F R E E R M R C A R R Y L T
B D U F E E T O L C A R R O T
U R M T L T V N E H L G U R L
K A E U Q S T G B E D G H D E
R G L R U A S I U E I O T D B
D O O Y E M L N T R L I R E O
Y N G S E O L T L Y S Q A N T
C K I A N N I H L I F E D O T
H I M E M Z B E V X I L A B O
E N L S O W K A N G U A M B M
R G E R L I C R P A L M E S Z
I E T M L C O M R C H E E S E
R C L A Y K C O S D R O W C N
 Angua               girl                    Palm
Carrot                Golem              Queen Molly
Cheery              herald                seer
Cheri                 Holy                  Sock
clay                   life                    Squeak
Cockbill St         Littlebottom       Stronginthearm
Detritus             Lord de Nobbs    Tubelcek
Dibbuk               Mr Cheese         Visit
Dorfl                  Mr Carry             Wee Mad Arthur
Dragon King       Mrs Easy           wick
Feet                  No Master           words
free                   ook                     zen
Gimlet               Oresmiter
 Words may be upside down, backwards,
diagonal, or any combination of these.
Ignore punctuation and spaces between
words.

If the letters in the puzzle do not form
a square or rectangular block, you may
align them by changing the font for this
page to Courier or an equivalent font
in which each letter occupies the same
same amount of space.

Solution next month.
------------------------------
Solution to Last Month's Puzzle

D + S T H T O O K W D R L N L
L U R O O T C G E + E G I A L
G O N R U T A A G H T A T S A
M A R M A R T E T R R S T U F
N A R R A H C A D A I P L S M
C A I L E N F E Z M T O E T I
+ N I R I G I R R T U D B U R
E + W R O C A F + O S E O A A
+ A + H A E K + E P R + T N N
X + K D L R O W C S I D T O I
+ N S N O B B I T S T + O L T
A P A T R I C I A N M I M E E
D I B B L E R E L F F O N H V
E T I L O X I + E L B M U C S
+ + L U G G A G E C N E R E V

(Over,Down,Direction)

ANKH(1,12,NE)
AZRAEL(10,5,SW)
CARROT(1,6,NE)
CHELONAUT(14,14,N)
DEATH(9,5,NW)
DETRITUS(11,1,S)
DIBBLER(1,13,E)
DISCWORLD(12,10,W)
DUNMANIFESTIN(1,1,SE)
ELF(8,13,E)
ERROL(5,6,NW)
GARLICK(1,3,SE)
GASPODE(12,2,S)
HOGFATHER(4,9,NE)
IXOLITE(7,14,W)
LIBRARIAN(9,13,NW)
LITTLEBOTTOM(13,1,S)
LUGGAGE(3,15,E)
MIME(11,12,E)
MORT(1,4,NE)
OCTARINE(8,1,SW)
OFFLER(12,13,W)
OGG(7,1,SE)
OOK(7,1,E)
PATRICIAN(2,12,E)
RAMTOPS(10,4,S)
RIMFALL(15,7,N)
SCUMBLE(15,14,W)
STIBBONS(10,11,W)
SUSAN(14,5,N)
VERENCE(15,15,W)
VETINARI(15,13,N)
WEATHERWAX(10,1,SW)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion








[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
May 2001 (Volume 4, Issue 5)

*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Staff Writers: Geof Johns, Michael Jones
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

==Part 1

1. New Terry Book - THE LAST HERO
2. Bromeliad on the Screen
3. Good Omens
4. Education on the Discworld
5. Covers  that Sell
6. UK Auditions for Maskerade Movie

==Part 2

7. Letters from Our Readers

==Part 3

8. New ToT Audio Cassette
9. Pocket Essential on Terry Pratchett
10. Men at Arms Scramble

****************************************************
==Part 1

1) THE LAST HERO

The following information about The Last Hero is taken from Colin Smythe's
(PTerry's agent) web site. It would seem it will be not a novel but more of
an illustrated book similar to the original edition of Eric.

http://www.colin-smythe.com/authors/tp/titles/hero.htm

Terry's interview on Amazon.co.uk for The Fifth Elephant mentioned The Last
Hero, and as I have been asked for some further information about it, at
least some of the following may be new to you.

THE LAST HERO will be a large format hardcover book, published by Gollancz,
rather like DINOTOPIA in that Paul Kidby will be painting something like 70
full colour pictures to face Terry's text on every double page spread.  It
will
sell at about UKP 20. Delivery is scheduled for the end of March 2001, for
intended publication in the autumn of this year.

Terry says:
"This was conceived as an illustrated story, so I've made sure there's lots
to illustrate -- including the entire voyage of the Discworld's first
successful orbital vehicle, and an ascent of Cori Celeste. Paul has already
designed the mission patch for the spaceflight...

"Carrot, Leonard of Quirm and Rincewind all have starring roles, as does
Cohen the Barbarian and his Horde. And one or two new characters, too.
I'm not going to give away the plot!

"Currently there's a 35,000 word working draft, which will get tinkered with
over the next year as Paul's illustrations are finished."

-- Aaron  Pawson, aaron.pawson@...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) TERRY PRATCHETT’S BROMELIAD TRILOGY TO
BE COMPUTER ANIMATED FOR DREAMWORKS

DreamWorks has acquired the film and television rights to Terry
Pratchett’s best-selling fantasy novels Truckers, Diggers and Wings,
known collectively as the Bromeliad trilogy, it was announced by
DreamWorks principal Jeffrey Katzenberg.  Truckers will be the first
to be turned into a computer animated feature, under the direction of
Andrew Adamson, who co-directed DreamWorks’ upcoming computer
animated comedy, “Shrek.�  Adamson is again collaborating with the
co-writer of “Shrek,� Joe Stillman, with whom he is adapting the
screenplay for “Truckers.�

The books follow the adventures of a group of nomes* living in a
department store.  When their home is demolished, the nomes
venture into the outside world for the first time and discover their
true, alien origins.

In making the announcement, Katzenberg said, “There are few
authors whose work lends itself to animation as well as Terry
Pratchett’s.  His Bromeliad trilogy is a wonderful blend of fantasy,
adventure and humor and I am honored to be able to bring all
three books to the screen, beginning with Truckers.  Andrew
Adamson is the perfect choice to direct this project.  He brought
an extraordinary level of ingenuity and enthusiasm to the
production of ‘Shrek,’ and I am thrilled to have an opportunity to
work with both him and Joe Stillman again.�

Adamson added, “Terry Pratchett is an incredibly clever and
imaginative writer, and I was drawn into the world of The
Bromeliad. It’s a story that lends itself extremely well to being
a film, and I immediately wanted to be a part of its telling.�

Commenting on why he chose DreamWorks to bring his novels
to the big screen, Pratchett noted, “I liked ‘Chicken Run’ and
‘Galaxy Quest,’ and you've got to be impressed when a guy
phones up from Hollywood one night and turns up for lunch in
Wiltshire, England the very next day.�

#  #  #
*Note:  Though nomes is traditionally spelled “gnomes,�
Pratchett intentionally spells the word without the “g.�

-- Colin P. Smythe
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) GOOD OMENS

Terry Gilliam has told a correspondent for AINT | IT | COOL | NEWS:
"Tony [Grisoni] and I may have actually finished a sufficiently good
enough draft of Good Omens to start moving forward with the
business of making it." So far no casting news has been announced.

-- Colin P. Smythe
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) EDUCATION ON THE DISCWORLD

For fans in the Derby area: Janet Goodall is giving a lecture on
Education in the Discworld at the Derby Tertiary College, Wilmorton,
Derby,  at 7.30pm on 5 June. The main subject of the lecture is
adult education: how this works out on the Discworld is a way of
illustrating specific ideas to do with eduction, pedagogy and
androgogy ('the teaching of adults', for those like me who have
never heard the term before). The general public are welcome,
admission free, of course.

-- Colin P. Smythe
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) COVERS THAT SELL

Vannesa Felis wrItes:

My sister said that someone asked Terry about the nasty
new US covers ... and HE said that believe it or not those ones
we all HATE, sell more then the old DS and the Kirby covers
combined, or at least that's what his publishers tell him.

To which Steven D'Aprano replies:

Well, no wonder. Just think about it: The Darryl Sweet covers
had to sell PTerry books when nobody in the US had heard
about him. But now that PTerry is well known and famous
and has millions of adoring fans who line up for days in the
snow to buy one of his books, the publishers could hire a
three year old child to draw the covers and they would
still sell.

The publisher's argument is like saying that football fans
prefer to pay higher ticket prices, because more people go
to the football today than did 100 years ago when prices
were lower, says Steve.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) UK AMATEUR FILM MAKERS HOLD AUDITIONS

There is a movie being organised by the lot over
on alt.fan.pratchett

They are planning to film MASKERADE this summer
and there are auditions in Nottingham (there have
been various ones elsewhere) June 16th. Anyone
who wants more details can mail me if they want.

There's a website for it at http://www.maskerade.org.uk
I think the plan is to show it at 2002: A Discworld Odyssey.

-- Needle Keller, luna_watch@...


*************************************************************************
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3









[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MAY 2001 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----

7) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS

THAT ----ING WORD AGAIN

To the editor:

I feel a pressing need to add something to Fiona
Wynn's analysis of Tulip's speech patterns in
The Truth, which stops just short of the complete
explanation.  While Tulip's swearing is significant
to the development of the character, I believe that
the use of dashes to replace expletives is
common in, of all things, newspapers.  So,
though I'll admit it seems a bit overused (I just
ignored the ----ing things after a while), really
it's just one more passing reference to the subject
of the book.  It might arguably be the most-often
referenced running gag in the whole series.

-- Jeremy Yoder of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, USA
(God help me, I'm writing a response
to a ----ing online newsletter...)

TIERS OF JOY

To the editor:

Just thought I'd ring in, having purchased and read
ToT last night.

Since I like Susan Sto Helit, I pretty much liked the
novel. While it did not grip me by the throat the way the
witches novels do, even on the ?th reread, I was satisfied.

There are tiers, for me.

The witches occupy the first tier, which can be loosely
described as existential philosophy, and good for at
least a dozen go-rounds.  I try to get the British first
editions, signed if possible, food sometimes a
secondary consideration.

The watch, JINGO, and SMALL GODS occupy a second
tier, which is more or less political philosophy, (er,
SMALL GODS is more existential, I admit) and good
for reading at very least a half-dozen times.  I'll get the
British firsts when I have a better job.

The Death novels are hard to place because I remember
liking them very much,  but do not own them, so have
been unable to read them more than once apiece. SOUL
MUSIC isn't my favorite novel, but I have read it 3 times,
at least. Will probably eventually try to get good hardcovers

Once pretty well does it for a Rincewind novel, although I
do prefer to own them rather than go to the library.  I like
the OPTION of rereading them,  should I choose to do it.
Same with PYRAMIDS and MOVING PICTURES.  I'm not
sorry I bought them, because there are days when a
pre-read Pratchett novel beats anything else you have
lying around, no matter which one it is -- but they don't
get a whole lot of action.  Paperbacks and secondhand
book club editions perfectly okay.

I was able to analyse this novel while was reading it for
the first time,  something I am unable to do while reading
a witches novel for the first time.  I wasn't so deeply and
passionately involved that I couldn't operate on any
other level, but I did stay up until 3 am reading it -- I put
it down when my husband opened one bleary eye and
silently begged me to shut off the light.

At very least, it was a highly satisfactory way to spend
an evening, especially at the beginning of a weekend at
the end of a too-bloody-long semester as a way to relax
before final exams week.  I am content with the first
American hardcover edition.

And there you have my two cents.

-- Anne McC

AUSTRALIAN BOOK BUYING

To the editor:

Does anyone know where one can get the novels at a
good price?  Esp. in Australia?

I priced some (paperbacks) today and they were
AU $17.50 apiece.  :(     Awfully expensive to get the
lot :(  (Book Prices suck here, especially with the GST :(

I did look in some 2nd hand book dealers, but nada.

-- Titania  :)

To the editor:

Target has 20% off paperbacks all the time and they
usually have heaps of them.  Big W only usually has
the newest but they're 35% off.  Occasionally they
turn up on sale tables at QBD and Bookworld, I think
Sydney stores of one of those has/recently had CJ
for AU$10 (hardcover too).

As for 2nd hand book dealers, you have to be
patient but they do show up sometimes :)  Keep an
eye out for those discount book warehouse places,
too.   I once got the one volume Death trilogy, Jingo
and Last Continent all in hardcover for not much
more than AU$30 total :)  I haven't seen any in
those shops since but I can never walk past without
going in just in case now :)

Good luck finding them :)

-- Beckie :) in Australia

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) WIZARD'S STAFF SONG

From our branches in sunny Spain and the Americas, here's a
new version of the famous song in Spanish:

*****************************************************************

                    E L   P U E R C O E S P Í N

              Boletín de la Legión Extranjera Klatchiana
                   (Sección en Lengua Castellana)

                        Número 10 -- Mayo 2001

Manuel Viciano Delibano, editor
******************************************************************
Sumario:


Canción: El Cayado del Mago tiene un Nudo en la Punta
           por George Anketell.


¿Qué sería un cumpleaños sin una bonita e inocente canción?

           EL CAYADO DEL MAGO TIENE UN NUDO EN LA PUNTA

ESTRIBILLO:
A wizard's staff has a knob on the end,
Knob on the end, knob on the end.
A wizard's staff has a knob on the ennndddd!
What he does with it is magic!

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta,
     nudo en la punta, nudo en la punta.
     ¡El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la puuunnta!
     ¡Lo que hace con él es magia!

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
And runes run up the shaft
It's long and proud and stiff and loud
It's the pride of wizardcraft.

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta
     Y las runas corren a lo largo del bastón
     Es largo y orgulloso y duro y alto
     Es el orgullo de la hechicería

(Estribillo)

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
Some are made from thinking wood
With a sapient pair you'd be out to there
And you'd go blind, yes you would.

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta
     Algunos están hechos de madera pensante
     Con un par sapiente ya estarías allí
     Y te volverías ciego, ya lo creo que sí.

* Nota: Esta estrofa contiene un juego de palabras intraducible. *
* Pair (par) suena parecido a pear (pera). Y no damos más expli- *
* caciones...                                                    *

(Estribillo)

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
That looks like a silver nut
If you start to bleat when he's taken your seat
He'll crack it up your butt.

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta
     que parece una nuez de plata
     Si te empiezas a quejar cuando te quite el sitio
     La romperá contra tu trasero.

(Estribillo)

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
And the odd frog knows it's true
When your staff has a bend then the spell you send
Can fly right back at you.

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta
     Y la vieja rana sabe que es cierto
     Si tu cayado está doblado entonces el hechizo lanzado
     Te puede alcanzar a tí

(Estribillo)

(Última estrofa, maestro, por favor)
A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
And you may think it's tragic
That no matter how strong or thick or long
All he can do with it is magic.

     El cayado del mago tiene un nudo en la punta
     Y puedes creer que es trágico
     Que no importa lo fuerte o ancho o largo que sea
     Todo lo que puede hacer con él es magia.

(Estribillo)

                                                -- George Anketell

(Como de costrumbre, esta traducción no rima. Quien se atreva, que
envíe el resultado. Muchas gracias).

*************************************************************************
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




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WOSSNAME - MAY 2001 - PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

7) POCKET ESSENTIAL ON TERRY PRATCHETT
Here's the publisher's blurb about this UKP 3.99 paperback
about Terry which was published on 30 April and can be
bought through their website. The direct address is
http://www.pocketessentials.com/books/terrypratchett/index.html
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---
The Essential Terry Pratchett
by Andrew M. Butler

In Britain it has been estimated that 10% of all books sold
are fantasy. And of that fantasy, 10% is written by Terry
Pratchett. So, do the sums: 1% of all books sold in Britain
are written by Terry Pratchett.

So throwing caution to the wind, let's enter a world where
the Librarian is an orangutan, luggage has legs, and where
Death may come to visit, on his holidays. A world which is
flat and balanced upon elephants stood on the back of a
giant turtle. Welcome to Discworld.

The success of the best-selling Discworld series has been
so phenomenal that there have been radio serialisations,
tv adaptations, numerous plays, dozens of audiobooks,
pottery figures, calendars, diaries, an encyclopedia, a
couple of computer games, a quizbook, a CD of music
inspired by the Discworld, several fanzines, newsgroups,
fanclubs and a couple of Discworld Conventions. There
was even a whole volume of criticism discussing Terry
Pratchett's work. And this one makes it two.

Oh, and we've included information about all Terry
Pratchett's other work as well.

Andrew M Butler is co-editor of Vector, lectures in film
and media studies at BCUC and is the author of
Pocket Essentials on Philip K. Dick and Cyberpunk.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----
(I note from the author's introduction that half of all the
royalties he earns from the book are being donated
to the Orangutan Foundation.)

-- Colin P. Smythe

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8)   NEW ToT AUDIO CASSETTE
FROM AMAZON.COM

Thief of Time
by Terry Pratchett, et al

Price: $32.00  -- You Save: $8.00 (20%)

Publication date: May 2001
Binding: Audio Cassette
Subjects: Audio Adult: Books On Tape; Audio - Fiction (Unabridged); Fiction
ISBN: 1574534319
More Info: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1574534319/ref=s_e5

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) MEN AT ARMS SCRAMBLE
by CatTigerLi

Instructions: Make sure you are reading this in "Arial" font. Print this out
if you can (much easier that way). Unscramble the words to the right and
write them in the spaces to the left. Take the numbered letters and place
them in their spots in the "answer" spaces. Unscramble that word to get the
answer to the trivia question. Go on, it's fun!

Question:  Who said, "And, my word, what a splendid bitch," in Men At Arms?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _        tangsiteomrhnr
---1---------------------------------

_ _ _ _ _ _ _        ogpaeds
---2--------------

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _    dlesusppoio  rady
--------------------------------------3---

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _        aamhrcis
4-------------------

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _        nireviat
-----------------5---

_ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _       dloboy  pisdut  shonojn
---------------------------------------------6-----------

Answer:  __ __ __ __ __ __  (must be unscrambled):  __ __ __ __ __ __
-------------- 1  2   3   4   5   6

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

CRYPTOGRAM

DAR  UHAQERQ  ZVYYVBA  YRZZVATF  PNA' G  OR   JEBAT

(courtesy of Paul Godsil)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Solution to Last Month's
FEET OF CLAY WORD SEARCH
by CatTigerLi

D E T R I T U S K H H O O K L
I O R E S M I T E R E J P B I
B F R E E R M R C A R R Y L T
B D U F E E T O L C A R R O T
U R M T L T V N E H L G U R L
K A E U Q S T G B E D G H D E
R G L R U A S I U E I O T D B
D O O Y E M L N T R L I R E O
Y N G S E O L T L Y S Q A N T
C K I A N N I H L I F E D O T
H I M E M Z B E V X I L A B O
E N L S O W K A N G U A M B M
R G E R L I C R P A L M E S Z
I E T M L C O M R C H E E S E
R C L A Y K C O S D R O W C N

Over, Down, Direction
 Angua (8,12,E)
Carrot(10,4,E)
Cheery(10,4,S)
Cheri (1,10,S)
clay (2,15,E)
Cockbill St(7,15,N)
Detritus (1,1,E)
Dibbuk (1,1,S)
Dorfl (1,1,SE)
Dragon King (2,4,S)
Feet (4,4,E)
free (2,3,E)
Gimlet (3,9,S)
girl (12,6,SW)
Golem (3,9,N)
herald (11,1,S)
Holy (13,6,SW)
Life (9,10,E)
Littlebottom (15,1,S)
Lord de Nobbs (14,3,S)              Mr Cheese (8,14,E)
Mr Carry (7,3,E)
Mrs Easy (4,14,N)
No Master (10,6,N)
ook (12,1,E)
Oresmiter (2,2,E)
Palm (9,13,E)
Queen Molly (5,6,S)
seer (4,12,SW)
Sock (9,15,W)
Squeak (6,6,W)
Stronginthearm (8,1,S)
Tubelcek (9,8,N)
Visit (10,11,NE)
Wee Mad Arthur (15,13,N)
wick (6,12,S)
words (13,15,W)
zen (15,13,S)  Words may be upside down, backwards,
diagonal, or any combination of these.
Ignore punctuation and spaces between
words.

If the letters in the puzzle do not form
a square or rectangular block, you may
align them by changing the font for this
page to Courier or an equivalent font
in which each letter occupies the same
same amount of space.

FOR THE DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED:
.............N................
......NW.............NE.......
W............+...............E
......SW.............SE.......
.............S................

------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2001 by Klatchian Foreign Legion




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