WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
March 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 3)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.   Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.   Are there any dues?   No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
    Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) THE WEE FREE MEN: A DIALOGUE
2) DISCWORLD INSPIRED DOLLS
3) NEW DISCWORLD COMPANION AVAILABLE
4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) DANMEET 2.1
6) DANMEET 2.2
7) DANMEET 2.3
8) DISCWORLD MONTHLY

====Part 3

9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: SOUL MUSIC

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) THE WEE FREE MEN: A DIALOGUE

PAGES: 272 (224?)  PUB DATE: MAY 2003

US PUB - HARPERCOLLINS (ISBN 0-060-01236-6)
PRICE: USD16.99 /  VIA AMAZON.COM  USD11.89

UK PUB - TRANSWORLD (ISBN 0-385-60533-1)
PRICE: GBP 12.99  / VIA AMAZON.CO.UK  GBP 9.09

Over heard at the Fortress of Avoiding The Neighbours:

'What's that you've got there in that plain brown wrapper?'

'It's a package for me. Go away.'

'But I wanna seeee!'

<various penguinish crashings and bangings>

'Hey, this is a copy of The Wee Free Men! But it's not published for -'

'Give it back! Mine! Miiine!!!'

************

'Have you finished yet? Have you? Have you? I waaant...'

'Oh, all right then. I'll be interested to see what you make of it. I
liked it very, very much, but even though it's sub-titled "A story of
Discworld", it doesn't seem like it takes place on *our* Discworld,
just on *another* Discworld. Like the Trousers of Time kinda
wossname. I think it takes place in places that are, um, places
that intersect with the Discworld we know. Even moreso than
TAMAHER.  Because there are references, see, to places and
things we know about, like Lancre Blue cheese, but most of the
book takes place in a land, well, it's more of a district maybe, that
we've never heard of before, and that isn't on any Discworld map.
It's a land called the Chalk, and it kind of reminds me of Blackmore
Vale, which is in the South-West of England and not exactly a
million miles from where Pterry lives. And the protagonist is
this amazing little girl, sort of like a very young Granny, who -'

'Want! Wanna seeee! Gimmegimmegimmeeee!!!'

************

'Hahaha! Ahahahaha! The Nac Mac Feegle are sooo funny!!!'

'Well, yeah, but I didn't giggle as much as you're doing, because I've
known so many Scotsmen in real life, and Pterry's gone straight to
the source for research heheh.'

'And the mousepipes...and the poet, the "Gonagall"...'

'Heheh, that's taken straight from the *real* William MacGonagall.
I've been a fan of his for decades. He was the worst poet in the
universe. Worse than Vogons. Nothing Pterry could make up could
possibly be worse than genuine MacGonagall poetry, but I'm
delighted that his, erm, infamy will spread when people read the
book. What do you think of the little girl, the heroine, Tiffany
Aching?'

'She's almost impossibly level-headed for someone that age.'

'Oh, I dunno. When I was even younger, *I* thought like that.
I think Granny would've been like that at her age. And Tiffany's own
granny is very much in the Weatherwax mould, if a bit more,
well, rustic and turpentine-y...'

'And where are the rest of the elves? Why doesn't Pterry -'

'That's what I mean by it seeming like a parallel Discworld. It's
*a* fairyland, I think, not the one we met in Lords and Ladies.
And the Queen is...subtly different.'

'But the Nac Mac Feegle are the same...'

'Well, yeah. I can see you've never met any Glaswegians.'

'And speaking of Granny Weatherwax -'

'Oi! Shush! We don't want to give *everything* away, now do we?'

<sounds of a penguin being bashed with a large herring>

'So what do you think? I liked it. I wish it'd been longer, though.'

'Can I have it back please? I want to read it again and again and
- ahahahahaha, those Feegles hahahaheeheeheehee...'

<exeunt omnes, with herring>

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) DISCWORLD INSPIRED DOLLS

Casually surfing the web, I recently came
upon a DW site that was a pleasant surprise:

http://www.world.std.com/~kcl/discworlddolls.html

Here is a series of DW-inspired dolls including
Death, Rincewind, Magrat, CMOT, Susan (as
described in Soul Music), Igor, Ponder Stibbons,
and several others.

I have no idea of what they cost, or even if they are
for sale, but they are well worth looking at.

Am checking out prices, etc., and will let you know.

-- Joe Schaumburger
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) NEW DISCWORLD COMPANION AVAILABLE

THE NEW DISCWORLD COMPANION
by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs

PAGES: 280      PUB DATE: MARCH 2003

UK PUB - GOLLANCZ (ISBN 0-575-07467-1)
PRICE: GBP 12.99  / VIA AMAZON.CO.UK  GBP 9.09

This new version is actually the third edition of the
DW bible, and is a revision of the "first complete
revision" (1997) of the original work published in 1994.

According to Briggs, they had to "move some people
out" of the previous edition to make room for data from
the nine novels published since then, plus two more
books now in draft, material from six Discworld Diaries,
Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, and two editions of The Science
of Discworld. You might want to hold on to the
older editions, if you have them.

The new edition measures 6 x 9-1/4 inches, or 15x23 cm
for those who like metric stuff.  It is published in trade
paperback format, with a mass market edition due in
February 2004.

This is a vital book for everyone who reads and/or collects
Terry Pratchett's Discworld writings.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

Colin Smythe reports on sales of foreign language rights
for DW novels:

Germany: Bertelsmann/Goldmann have signed up a 3-book
contract for NIGHT WATCH, Monstrous Regiment, and
Discworld novel 29, as well as THE AMAZING MAURICE

France: L'Atalante have just signed up THE LAST CONTINENT
and CARPE JUGULUM

Denmark: Borgen are going to publish THE COLOUR OF
MAGIC, THE LIGHT FANTASTIC and EQUAL RITES.

Norway: Tiden Norsk expect to publish MOVING PICTURES
in May 2003, and are signing up REAPER MAN. They have
already published an unillustrated edition of ERIC.

Spain: Plaza y Janes and DeBolsillo will be publishing trade
and pocket-book editions of MEN AT ARMS and SOUL MUSIC,
and DeBolsillo will be publishing pocket-book editions of
MOVING PICTURES, REAPER MAN and WITCHES ABROAD

Brazil: Conrad, having published the first three Discworld novels
have now contracted for SOURCERY and WYRD SISTERS.

Croatia: Marjan Tisak are acquiring licences for THE AMAZING
MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS, EQUAL RITES and
MORT. I believe they have already published COLOUR and LIGHT
FANTASTIC but I have not yet seen copies.

Romania: Noesis have published COLOUR OF MAGIC and
LIGHT FANTASTIC and are being licensed EQUAL RITES

Estonia: Varrak are buying SMALL GODS, LORDS AND LADIES,
MEN AT ARMS, SOUL MUSIC and THE DISCWORLD COMPANION.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Here we are again, same as every month. It's been a year since
I started torturing my brain cells with this, so I hope someone gets
some use out of it. Hey, this is an anniversary, or something...

21 March - 20 April
The Perhaps Gate

You've found the secret of how to do whatever you want. It is all
about ignoring reality and living in your own world of lights and
colors, in which nothing is very important unless it is in any
way about you. From egoist irresponsibility to criminal psychopathy
there is only one little step, and if you eat your neighbour's
kidneys with a shrimp sauce, you'll be on TV!

21 April - 21 May
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

This time it's your turn to become Braveheart, clan leader. It's
only that you, instead of going around with a skirt, will use
a smoking jacket. In other words, you've gotten tired of working
for nothing and being exploited, and will set up your own company.
But first, your must find the only workers able to do their job for
16 hours a day, 7 days a week for practically nothing in
deplorable conditions and without complaining. And with papers.
Yes, I mean your family. By the way, shackles are
unconstitutional...

22 May - 21 June
The Two Fat Cousins

A change is just about to come into your life. Something completely
different, something new, something unexpected. Well, to tell the
truth, it has been expected for quite a long times. And this month,
despite all the neighbours' protests, your friends' irony and your
family's sarcasm will finally get to you and you'll change that
horrible hairstyle you were wearing. Just about time, kid...

22 June - 22 July
Wezen, the Two-Headed Kangaroo

You are a bit down, since that thing you've been fighting for for
so long does not seem to work properly. Just keep calm and keep
trying, you'll do it if you don't surrender. A vertical sweet potato
plantation over your house's roof may be scientifically impossible,
but if you find the proper formula (lysergic acid should work
perfectly), you'll make a fortune, unless the police catch you.

23 July - 23 August
The Cow of Heaven

It's time to study really hard. Keep yourself locked in libaries
and discos (some relaxation isn't all that bad) to find the information
you need to get to the goal you have set for yourself. There's
big money in cockroach farming, and once you set up
your chain of restaurants, CMOT Dibbler says the money
will come rolling in.

24 August - 23 September
Mubbo, the Hyena

One of these days you'll get up from bed and your mother will have
transmutated into Michelle Pfeiffer. Your father, sitting in the
sofa and scratching his belly, will be a perfect clone of George
Clooney, and grandpa will have a certain likeness to Jack Nicholson.
The horrible neighbour, the teenager with the boombox on full volume
at  7:00 AM Sunday, is starting to look like Leo diCaprio. No, you're
not nuts (not more than usual, anyway), it's only that you see too
many movies. Perhaps you should go back to reading Terry Pratchett.

24 September - 23 October
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

Suddenly you feel like knowing your fellow citizens' opinions,
their fancies, their aspirations, dreams, fears, loves, defects,
affections, their hates. Your interest will know no limit, your
curiosity will be huge. The best solution is to lie down until
these feelings go away.  Otherwise, someone is going
to punch you in the mouth .

24 October - 22 November
Okjok, the Salesman

This month you have to make an effort to be unconspicuous for
your own good. Place yourself in dark corners, avoid crowded
plazas, use dark-coloured clothes and, most important, don't
speak to anyone, don't look at anyone's eyes. If someone
notices your tomato-red skin, the tentacles erupting from your
head and your third eye in your forehead, you'll have to give
a lot of explanations about what you do on weekends...
Tell them you're just back from Discworld and have a bad sunburn.

23 November - 21 December
The Overworked Orang-Utang

You're quite given to misunderstandings. If you go to the super-
market for some bread, you'll probably walk out with an ironing
board or something. If you go to the hairdresser's and you ask
him to cut a little bit, you'll get a rastafari hairdress. If
you take your dog to the veterinarian to get it debugged,
you'll come back with a sheep. I don't know if it's your diction,
your null charisma or your face, but the point is that you're
going to have a really surrealist month.  Have you offended
any witches lately?

22 December - 20 January
The Celestial Parsnip

A favourable month for bursary inversions in high-density poly-
meic containers with refractary resistence to high temperature
and transparency to low-wavelenght radiation, for alimentary
use --- in other words, invest your money in micro-wave
Tupperware. Thet's the wave of the future, according to some.

21 January - 18 February
The Knotted String

You'll have diverse conversations with diverse people from your
environment which will affect your diverse opinions about diverse
affairs. Diversely. Okaaaayyy, the thing is that you've just
discovered the word 'diverse' in your dictionary and you are
anxious to use it...

19 February - 20 March
The Flying Moose

Although you don't have time enough for it, you'll try to take
it out of anything to go into your favourite hobbies: tectonic
speleology, dwarf crocodile hunting, and the ritual stick and
bucket dance.  Okay, you've never done any of that
stuff, but you always wanted to be Captain Carrot...

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  SOUL MUSIC
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
backwards and discover the name of Beau Nidle's
granddaughter.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1995 Harper Prism edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. The new owner of The Mended Drum (1st letter, 1st name)
2. Secretary of the Musicians' Guild (4th letter, last name)
3. A small flat troll, sat on by elephants (1st letter)
4. A guitar maker and author (1st name, 3rd letter)
5. AKA Adrian Turnipseed (2nd name, last letter)
6. A forgetful organization (1st word, last letter)
7. One of the Musicians' Guild's recruiting officers (1st name, 2nd letter)
8. A troll godfather in the Breccia (5th letter)
9. Stage name of Imp y Celyn (1st name, 2nd letter)
10. Real name of Cliff (1st name, 4th letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Beau Nidle's granddaughter
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/    

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: SMALL GODS
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. A Novice Master (4th letter)
        NHUMROD = M
2. Head of the Quisition (2nd letter)
        VORBIS = O
3. Secretary to the Congress of Iams (1st letter)
        DRUNAH = D
4. Blind Ephebian philosopher (9th letter)
        DIDACTYLOS = O
5. Claimed sand was just "worn down mountains" (1st letter)
        GORDO = G
6. The Chosen One (4th letter)
        BRUTHA = T
7. Invisible companion of St Ungulant (1st letter)
        ANGUS = A
8. The Superior Iam (2nd letter)
        CENOBIARCH = E
9. Secretary to the Ephebian Tyrant (2nd letter)
        ARISTOCRATES = R
10. Military rank of Iam Fri'it
        GENERAL = G

M_/O_/D_/O_/G_/T_/A_/E_/R_/G_/ = deity with problems
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/         = GREAT GOD OM

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MARCH 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

DANMEETS - AUSTRALIA

Dates: 20th and 22nd February 2003
Venues: The Eeevil Fortress of D'Apenguin (2.1),
the Spiffy Shrine of Buffy aka Bek's House (2.3)

Attending: Dan and Dru, plus assorted BURA members
by remote ant-link
(2.1); Dan, Bek, Matt, Paul, Dru, Steven, Jeff and
Surprise Guest 'Da Ref' (2.3)

** NB: this chronicler has no idea what went on at Danmeet 2.2,
but it included the rare presence of Jase *and* Lora, so someone
had better write it up! [Ed. Note: All taken care of.]

5) Danmeet 2.1

Dan rang the Fortress early and unexpectedly: "I've got my entire
Aerosmith CD collection and it wants a cup of tea, can I bring it over?"
Dru rushed to drive the dust bunnies back to their cages and hide
the leftover chilli herring mousse...

"Hi Dan, come in, you'll have to open the door yourself because I was
about to get out of the Uncommon Room, really I was, but PT's just
walked in and the Snow Queen and Looming Andrew are there too
and you don't mind making the tea yourself, do you?"

Yes, that's right. Dan drove all the way from Adelaide, which is
hundreds of somethings away from Melbourne, to spend
most of the afternoon chatting to non-Melbourne BU
members via the anternet!

But it was great fun, a massive pune-ing session, and tea did
get made eventually.  A partial copy of the day's Uncommon
Room pune party resides in the Fortress vault for anyone who
might want to read it.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) Danmeet 2.2

This Danmeet started with Jase and Dan waiting for Steven out the front
of Steve's workplace while Matt came up to fetch him. They did their
best to blend in, with shorts and tee-shirts. Unfortunately, everyone
else in the area was wearing shirts and trousers and jackets and even
the occasional tie.

Lora phoned Jase and told him that she was on her way after walking too
far up the street. She told Jase to look out for somebody wearing a
chain as a belt. Unfortunately, the local bondage club had chosen that
same day to come out in public. Steven spent a very interesting ten
minutes introducing himself to ladies wearing chains and very little
else, before Jase reminded him that he'd already met Lora and knew
exactly what she looked like. Spoilsport.

Hours and hours[2] later Lora arrived. Contrary to reports, she is not a
hideously deformed creature at all, and Jase and Dan had to make sure
they kept a tight grip on Steven's collar to keep him under control.
After distracting Steven by mentioning lunch, he led the group off in
search of sustenance. First stop was the Japanese noodle and sushi
restaurant, but unfortunately it was packed. The group decided that it
would likely be days before they could even get in the door, so they
followed Steven to the cafe next door. Everybody ordered various
pastas, chicken curries, stews, or assorted other meals, then tramped
back to Steve's office to eat.

Taking over the lunch room, the group proceeded to make a lot of noise
and talk about a lot of nonsense. Steven's workmate Mike, otherwise
known as Matt's former school-chum Mikey, wandered in, and joined in
the conversation.

Steven handed out "The Star Wars Holiday Special" to those foolhardy
enough to want one. And then Dan's mobile phone rang.

While Dan was speaking on the phone, Lora called out loudly in her most
languorous and sensual voice, "Daaaan, come back to bed!".

Of course, by the Laws of Narrative Causality, it was Dan's wife on the
phone. Dan turned bright red, a few seconds later so did Lora when she
realised, and the rest of the table went into gales of laughter.

All up, a wonderful time was had by all, except for Dan who will be
getting divorced next month.

Everything in the above report is true, except for the bits that have
been changed to annoy the guilty.

[1] Note for Merkians and UKdians, in XXXX shorts are not underwear, but
outerwear. Generally they are like trousers but need less material. Also
known as "Stubbies" (but not the kind that hold beer).

[2] Would you believe minutes?

-- Steven D'Aprano
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) Danmeet 2.3

A full turn-out for this event, which was to be a BBQ. For the first
time EVER, Paul arrived later than Steven (who was an hour late).
Jeff was on cook's duty, and he discovered that it's possible to
achieve room-temperature nuclear fusion using nothing more than
plastic-skinned chicken sausages -- does anyone know what
the half-life of a BBQ grill-shelf is?  Soon came a knock at the
door and in walked the long-absent BU Referee, David Hopkins!
Re-introductions were made all round. After burnt sausages and
various other non-burnt foods we all convened in the sitting room,
where Bek, Matt and Paul presented Dru with a gift-wrapped
Scrabble set. Now Steven will *have* to learn to spell,
heheh.

Matt and David settled down to a round of  Evil Computer Games,
Paul wandered through the library (of course), and the rest of us had
Assorted Conversations and Divers Amusements. Dan regaled
those of us who had missed 2.2 with the tale of how Lora nearly
got Dan divorced -- hahah, now someone will *definitely* have to
write up that part of the Danmeet!

Highlight of the afternoon was a Buffyfest, during which a mystified
Dan and David were introduced to various episodes from various
seasons of Buffy, with a minimum of explanation. The questions
came thick and fast ("How come she's had sexual relationships
with two vampires? Isn't she supposed to slay them?") but a good
time was had by all.

Excellent company as always, but one of these days the Mel's Bourners
will have to get out Nanny Ogg's Cookbook -- most of us have copies --
and show the Sinneysiders how it's done...

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) DISCWORLD MONTHLY

Our heartfelt thanks to Jason Anthony, who  just gave us
a splendid plug in DWM, which has resulted in a steady
flood of new KFL memberships/WOSSNAME subs
beyond our wildest dreams.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
April 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 4)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.   Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.   Are there any dues?   No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
    Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) THE WEE FREE MEN : TERRY ON TOUR
2) THE TRUTH: THEATER REVIEW
3) DOLLS AND IDOLS
4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

====Part 2

5) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6) TREEMEET (USA)
7) CHANMEET (AU)
8) SYDMEET (AU)

====Part 3

9) NOT THE DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: LORDS AND LADIES
11) ANAGRAM CONTEST
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) THE WEE FREE MEN: TERRY ON TOUR

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, reports that Ottakars
evidently gave Transworld the wrong address for the
Inverness signing at 12.00 noon on 24 April, and they
passed it on to him.  The correct address of the new store is
Unit 69, Eastgate Centre, Inverness, IV 2 3PR

U.K. SIGNINGS:

Tuesday 13th May
12.00 Waterstone's, 65-69 New George Street, Plymouth, Devon
18.00 Ottakar's, 11-12 Boscawen Street, Truro, Cornwall

Wednesday 14th May
12.00 WHSmiths, 34-35 The Guildhall Shopping Centre, Exeter, Devon
18.00 Ottakar's, 37a Middle Street, Yeovil, Somerset

Thursday 15th May
12.00 Waterstone's, 50-54 High Street, Guildford, Surrey
18.00 Event at Guildhall Winchester for Winchester Library

Friday 16th May
12.00 Bookcentre, 120 Crockhamwell Road, Woodley, Reading, Berkshire
18.00 Hammicks, 60-62 St Ann's Road, Harrow, Middlesex

Saturday 17th May
12.00 Borders Lakeside, Unit 3 West Thurrock Retail Park, West
Thurrock, Essex

AMERICAN SIGNINGS:

Terry Pratchett will be one of the guests of honor
at PENGUICON (May 2 - 4 '03) in Warren MI at
Van Dyke Park Suites.

Following Terry's attendance at Penguicon, he will be
visiting Anderson's Bookstore, 123 West Jefferson Avenue,
Naperville, Illinois 60542, to sign books between
4.00-5.00pm on Monday 5 May.

On May 6th he will be doing a reading/signing at 7.00pm
in the Barnes & Noble Bookstore at 675 Sixth Avenue,
New York, NY 10010
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) THE TRUTH: THEATER REVIEW

Danny Sag, Director of the Unseen Theatre Company,
has forwarded a local review of their production
of The Truth.  In an e-mail interview, he reports that
attendance "has been pretty good so far -- 3 shows down,
and all of them have been 75-100% full. We still
have 7 more shows to go, this week and next!

We asked him about plans for his next Pratchett performance,
and he said that Unseen Theatre Company's next show will be
"Mort" in October 2003. Here's the current review:

"Whodunnit in a wacky Pratchett world"

THE TRUTH
Unseen Theatre Company
http://www.unseen.com.au

Bakehouse Theatre, Angas St, Adelaide
March 28 - April 12, 2003

Reviewed by Rod Lewis
Messenger Press, Adelaide, South Australia
http://www.messenger.net.au/pulse
---------------------------------------------------

TERRY Pratchett's Discworld novels unveil the comical
antics of a fantasy world that rides through space on
the back of a giant turtle.

If you can't suspend your disbelief that far, this play
may not be for you.

But the popular British author is renowned for his
biting parodies.

Adapted by Stephen Briggs, The Truth is based on the
25th book in the Discworld series and this time takes
a poke at journalism.

Sam Priestly is a solid leading man as William de
Worde, editor of the Discworld's first newspaper, who
finds himself investigating a murder and learning the
difference between what people need to know and what
they want to know.

Playing the "Prints of Darkness", Bryan Ormond is a
riotously funny vampire photographer afraid of his
own flash.

Sean Venning and Nik Hargreaves are delightfully
quirky as two criminals in the thick of the murder
mystery, and Pamela Munt shines as the zombie lawyer
who hired them.

Stephanie Lively can do with more bite as Gaspode
the talking dog, taking a few notes off Emily
Moncrieff's wonderful mannerisms as fellow canine
Wuffles.

There's more to playing a dog then just getting
on all fours.

Several of the enthusiastic cast reprise their
roles from previous plays by this company including
George Leaman as Commander Vimes, Sally Fudge as dwarf
Cheery and Damien White as the Patrician.

With Melanie Munt now in WA, Michelle Cioffi takes
over the recurring role of werewolf Sergeant Angua,
giving a darker and stronger interpretation to the
part.

First time director Danny Sag takes this difficult
script in his stride, showing great promise.

He keeps the story moving at a decent pace and
makes excellent use of the limited acting area.

Blackouts are kept short by an efficient backstage
crew and a good selection of songs but, as with
most Unseen Theatre plays, a little more imagination
could see them reduced further.

Costumes by regular seamstresses Sharman Gilchrist
and Tania Prosdocimo are up to their usual high
standard.

Good, unearthly fun. And that's the truth.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) DOLLS AND IDOLS

Following our report last month on the lady who makes
Discworld Dolls, we got an e-mail from her:

Hi!
I see in Wossname that you saw my Discworld Dolls
http://www.world.std.com/~kcl/discworlddolls.html

They aren't for sale, I just make them for family & friends.
They tend to sit on top of my Discworld friends' PCs.
But I very much appreciate comments and suggestions.
I'm now working on Nobby and Colon as they were in Jingo.
I had to stop to learn about modeling features and hands
onto the figures!
-- Katherine

And in a related e-mail, we learned of an Offler Idol
that you can actually buy:

Dear Joseph:

Perusing the page of the amusing and rather disturbing DW-based dolls
mentioned in the latest WOSSNAME, I was reminded of something I'd seen
recently that finally gives me a chance/excuse to contribute.

NB: If anyone's already seen and mentioned this to you, I take no
responsibility for the annoyance factor of net.lag...

Each week on Somethingawful.com, the site hosts Photoshop Phriday, a chance
for cyber-wits with too much time and Photoshop talent on their hands to
twist images of their choice to fit that week's theme.  This Friday's theme
was "Religious Toys."
(http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1367)
Among the expected slew of Christianity- and Judaism-based gags (with a
decent smattering of Islam and Scientology and a slight sprinkle of Buddhism
for flavor), I found this pleasant surprise:
http://www.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop
/religioustoys/Spatule_crocodile.jpg

Or, if that link's too long to work with:
http://makeashorterlink.com/?R54631404

It's only a short time before shrines to Bibulous are constructed, I just
know it...

Sincerely,
Douglas W. Dlin

I tried the website and there He is.  The ad says He comes in the form
of a "complete plush idol and Offler Prayer Book.  If anyone gets one,
let us know.
-- Ed.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

Colin Smythe reports:

THE LAST HERO - coeditions are being produced for Proszynski (Polish),
Talpress (Czech) and L'Atalante (French).

Proszynski is also going to be publishing a Polish edition of THE
UNADULTERATED CAT.

Italian: Salani are issuing Pier Francesco Paolini's translation
of PYRAMIDS as a paperback (originally published by Sonzogno).

Karisto will be publishing a Finnish edition of MOVING PICTURES.

Pocket are buying French language pocket book rights in
MEN AT ARMS and SOUL MUSIC.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- APRIL 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
5) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

PONDER vs. POTTER

To the Editor:

Does anyone else see the resemblance between
Kidby's vision of Ponder and Harry Potter?

The moment I first saw Kidby's Ponder,  I had two
thoughts:
1) Yes, that's exactly what Ponder looks like!
2) I wonder if the strong resemblance to that pansyarse
     wannabe-wizard Harry Potter is affectionately tongue
     in cheek or meant to be nicely vicious...

I wondered who had copied whom.  Perfect description of
HP there.  I don't understand why he's the hero when
everyone else saves him from his own > incompetence.

I seem to recall someone sending in a link, a few months
ago, to a column suggesting - possibly *not* with tongue in
cheek, alas - that Harry was a gormless pawn of the
bloated, autocratic, nepotistic, privileged wizard class...;)

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

HELLO CTHULHU

To the Editor:

Someone is secretly unleashing the ancient horror of Cthulhu
on the world of Hello Kitty...

> http://www.underwhelmed.org/

> Forget not the protective glasses...
>
> Cap'n Hector, finder of unspeakable evil.

Hah! Cthulhu me arse, that's just Doctor Zoyberg in
green make-up...

-- Noisy Cow
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) TREEMEET -- PETALUMA, CALIFORNIA, USA

After several postponements, the first official Tree Meet began at
approximately 1:45pm[1], Saturday, April 5, 2003, at the home of Laurel
Carney in the family room of DOOM in the boring town of Petaluma,
California, graced by the presence of a bowl of chocolate covered raisins,
  and a rather splendid bag of Jelly beans, compliments of Holly.

In attendance were Laurel and Holly, various members of Laurel's
family wandering in to steal m&m's, the infamously ferocious Joey begging
for popcorn, and a serious lack of Discworld discussion.

After chatting for an hour or so about the yummy eye candy in LOTR, our
desire to move to Australia, the reasons we can't move to Australia, and
various other topics, we turned on the extended version of LOTR - FOTR and
proceeded to drool over Legolas and Aragorn[2].  At one point Holly
commented that how Frodo had been much cuter as a young lad, to which
Laurel replied that Holly was both crazy and blind.

At approximately 5pm, Laurel's mother reminded her that she had to be at a
school fundraiser in less than 10 minutes, so Holly took her cue to leave
and thus the first Tree Meet ended.  With luck, the next one will not be
planned at Ent speed.
-------------------------
1 - it would have begun sooner, but Holly got a little lost
2 - the plan had been to go see LOTR - TTT at the movie theatre, but
Laurel's mother was fearful of trusting her daughter's life in the hands
of Holly's driving skills, which was probably a smart move on her part
(see footnote 1)

-- A Certain Lobster
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) CHANMEET - AUSTRALIA
Melbourne, Sunday April 13th from 9.30am

BEK'S VERSION:

Bek, Jeff and Matt showed up around 9.15, so we went and played pokies
leaving Matt standing near the cinema box office :-P

B and Lora showed up not long after and we all laughed about the box office
signs saying "Box Office will reopen at 10am, when our movie was at 9.45am.
Jeff and I went and hassled the guy to sell us all tickets, and just as we
finished purchasing tickets, Paul showed up (even a few minutes early!!).

We all enjoyed the movie - my favourite part was the outtakes at the end
:-P.

Jeff headed to the car because he didn't want yum cha, then we decided that
none of us wanted yum cha either.  So we dragged Jeff back, and went to the
food court at crown and ate a wide variety of cheap food.

Jeff headed home for real this time to watch the motor racing, and we all
tried to decide what to do.  Lora needed to head to st kilda markets to buy
stuff, so we all went for a wander down there with her.  We managed to find
the right tram and not get lost either!

So, we wandered through the markets going "ooooh, I want that!!" and waited
for everyone else to drag us away, which is a very good way of not spending
money.  Unless you ask Lora if you should buy something, then she'll tell
you yes, every time.

We stopped by Luna Park to get fairy floss (cotton candy ?), and then headed
back to the city.  We decided to go have a look at Minotaur, but were told
by the tram people (who were in a car) that the tram line along collins
street was closed cause of a big peace protest further along.  So we thought
about walking, then decided that Lora would get too paranoid that she'd miss
the train home, so we stopped at Gloria Jean's for coffee.  And sat and
watched the flash flood :-P

We eventually left the coffee shop and wandered across to the station.  I
don't think B wants to know what the boys (Paul and Matt) were getting up to
with Lora under that umbrella!

Matt and I left Paul, B, and Lora at the vicrail platform, and that was
another mel meet.

-- Bek - writing her first mel meet report.
oooooooooooooooooooooo

STEVEN'S VERSION:

The ChanMeet began with Bek, Jeff and Matt arriving at Crown Casino at
dawn, three hours before everyone else. They watched the drunks
staggering out of the nightclubs and the compulsive gamblers take their
weekly ten minute break from the slot-machines.

Eventually Lora and B arrived, a flotilla of dazed-looking young men
(some of whom were definitely drooling) following Lora, who was dressed
in a belly-dancer's costume with black leather pants and jacket. After
B finally managed to beat them off with a stick, Bek made Matt stand in
line for an hour to buy the movie tickets while the rest of them talked.

The Jackie Chan movie, "Shanghai Knights", started at 9:45am. At 9:43am,
Paul came running up to the theatre, chased by a group of very angry
people. Many of them were covered in green paint. Fortunately Paul was
able to hide behind a pot-plant until they were gone. Paul denied
knowing why they were chasing him, although it should be noted that
after Bek and Lora threw him roughly to the floor and went through his
pockets they found a receipt from a paint shop.

There may have been other people there at the Meet, but they weren't
very important or were invisible so they don't count.

The movie was either hilariously funny or a complete waste of time,
depending on whether or not you like Shanghai Knights. But Jeff was
excited to see that some of the advertisements featured sports cars
driving really really fast, and Bek had trouble preventing him from
leaving the cinema then and there to go buy the advertised products.

(For the record, they were adverts for baby nappies and over-the-counter
rheumatism medicine.)

After the movie, they all retired to Lucky Chan's (no relation) for Yum
Cha. Lora and Jeff sat there quietly, staring with horror at the
many-tentacled creatures on offer while the others ate.

After the meal, Matt said something. Everyone was so shocked to hear him
speak that nobody remembers what he said, but his lips definitely moved
and sounds came out, so he must have been talking.

Lora had to go to work then, selling artificial flavours, salt and grease
(with a touch of chicken as a bulking agent), so she and B left. Not
long after that, Paul looked at his watch and, realising that the last
train to Melton for the rest of the month was about to leave, mumbled
good-bye and ran off.

That left only Matt, Jeff and Bek. That was when they realised that
nobody else had paid for lunch, so Bek made Matt pay for the lot and
then they went to look at comic shops.

And so another wonderful Melmeet came to an end. Every word I wrote is
the absolute truth, except for the lies. Only the events have been
changed.

--  Steven D'Aprano
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) SYDMEET - SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA
April 21, 2003 - 11 a.m.

This morning at 11am we met outside Galaxy in the City.
There was Cat, Bobby, Sel, Arabel, Timerryn, and Kate P.
We hung around inside the bookshop for around an hour l
ooking at books until Conman arrived at 12.

We then walked to Momma's Kitchen and had pasta for lunch,
and stayed there talking loudly for two hours. After that we went
to Kinokuniya bookshop and looked at comics and books for
another hour and a half, and went home.

--Cat
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
April 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 4)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.   Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.   Are there any dues?   No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
    Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) THE WEE FREE MEN : TERRY ON TOUR
2) THE TRUTH: THEATER REVIEW
3) DOLLS AND IDOLS
4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

====Part 2

5) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6) TREEMEET (USA)
7) CHANMEET (AU)
8) SYDMEET (AU)

====Part 3

9) NOT THE DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: LORDS AND LADIES
11) ANAGRAM CONTEST
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) THE WEE FREE MEN: TERRY ON TOUR

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, reports that Ottakars
evidently gave Transworld the wrong address for the
Inverness signing at 12.00 noon on 24 April, and they
passed it on to him.  The correct address of the new store is
Unit 69, Eastgate Centre, Inverness, IV 2 3PR

U.K. SIGNINGS:

Tuesday 13th May
12.00 Waterstone's, 65-69 New George Street, Plymouth, Devon
18.00 Ottakar's, 11-12 Boscawen Street, Truro, Cornwall

Wednesday 14th May
12.00 WHSmiths, 34-35 The Guildhall Shopping Centre, Exeter, Devon
18.00 Ottakar's, 37a Middle Street, Yeovil, Somerset

Thursday 15th May
12.00 Waterstone's, 50-54 High Street, Guildford, Surrey
18.00 Event at Guildhall Winchester for Winchester Library

Friday 16th May
12.00 Bookcentre, 120 Crockhamwell Road, Woodley, Reading, Berkshire
18.00 Hammicks, 60-62 St Ann's Road, Harrow, Middlesex

Saturday 17th May
12.00 Borders Lakeside, Unit 3 West Thurrock Retail Park, West
Thurrock, Essex

AMERICAN SIGNINGS:

Terry Pratchett will be one of the guests of honor
at PENGUICON (May 2 - 4 '03) in Warren MI at
Van Dyke Park Suites.

Following Terry's attendance at Penguicon, he will be
visiting Anderson's Bookstore, 123 West Jefferson Avenue,
Naperville, Illinois 60542, to sign books between
4.00-5.00pm on Monday 5 May.

On May 6th he will be doing a reading/signing at 7.00pm
in the Barnes & Noble Bookstore at 675 Sixth Avenue,
New York, NY 10010
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) THE TRUTH: THEATER REVIEW

Danny Sag, Director of the Unseen Theatre Company,
has forwarded a local review of their production
of The Truth.  In an e-mail interview, he reports that
attendance "has been pretty good so far -- 3 shows down,
and all of them have been 75-100% full. We still
have 7 more shows to go, this week and next!

We asked him about plans for his next Pratchett performance,
and he said that Unseen Theatre Company's next show will be
"Mort" in October 2003. Here's the current review:

"Whodunnit in a wacky Pratchett world"

THE TRUTH
Unseen Theatre Company
http://www.unseen.com.au

Bakehouse Theatre, Angas St, Adelaide
March 28 - April 12, 2003

Reviewed by Rod Lewis
Messenger Press, Adelaide, South Australia
http://www.messenger.net.au/pulse
---------------------------------------------------

TERRY Pratchett's Discworld novels unveil the comical
antics of a fantasy world that rides through space on
the back of a giant turtle.

If you can't suspend your disbelief that far, this play
may not be for you.

But the popular British author is renowned for his
biting parodies.

Adapted by Stephen Briggs, The Truth is based on the
25th book in the Discworld series and this time takes
a poke at journalism.

Sam Priestly is a solid leading man as William de
Worde, editor of the Discworld's first newspaper, who
finds himself investigating a murder and learning the
difference between what people need to know and what
they want to know.

Playing the "Prints of Darkness", Bryan Ormond is a
riotously funny vampire photographer afraid of his
own flash.

Sean Venning and Nik Hargreaves are delightfully
quirky as two criminals in the thick of the murder
mystery, and Pamela Munt shines as the zombie lawyer
who hired them.

Stephanie Lively can do with more bite as Gaspode
the talking dog, taking a few notes off Emily
Moncrieff's wonderful mannerisms as fellow canine
Wuffles.

There's more to playing a dog then just getting
on all fours.

Several of the enthusiastic cast reprise their
roles from previous plays by this company including
George Leaman as Commander Vimes, Sally Fudge as dwarf
Cheery and Damien White as the Patrician.

With Melanie Munt now in WA, Michelle Cioffi takes
over the recurring role of werewolf Sergeant Angua,
giving a darker and stronger interpretation to the
part.

First time director Danny Sag takes this difficult
script in his stride, showing great promise.

He keeps the story moving at a decent pace and
makes excellent use of the limited acting area.

Blackouts are kept short by an efficient backstage
crew and a good selection of songs but, as with
most Unseen Theatre plays, a little more imagination
could see them reduced further.

Costumes by regular seamstresses Sharman Gilchrist
and Tania Prosdocimo are up to their usual high
standard.

Good, unearthly fun. And that's the truth.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) DOLLS AND IDOLS

Following our report last month on the lady who makes
Discworld Dolls, we got an e-mail from her:

Hi!
I see in Wossname that you saw my Discworld Dolls
http://www.world.std.com/~kcl/discworlddolls.html

They aren't for sale, I just make them for family & friends.
They tend to sit on top of my Discworld friends' PCs.
But I very much appreciate comments and suggestions.
I'm now working on Nobby and Colon as they were in Jingo.
I had to stop to learn about modeling features and hands
onto the figures!
-- Katherine

And in a related e-mail, we learned of an Offler Idol
that you can actually buy:

Dear Joseph:

Perusing the page of the amusing and rather disturbing DW-based dolls
mentioned in the latest WOSSNAME, I was reminded of something I'd seen
recently that finally gives me a chance/excuse to contribute.

NB: If anyone's already seen and mentioned this to you, I take no
responsibility for the annoyance factor of net.lag...

Each week on Somethingawful.com, the site hosts Photoshop Phriday, a chance
for cyber-wits with too much time and Photoshop talent on their hands to
twist images of their choice to fit that week's theme.  This Friday's theme
was "Religious Toys."
(http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1367)
Among the expected slew of Christianity- and Judaism-based gags (with a
decent smattering of Islam and Scientology and a slight sprinkle of Buddhism
for flavor), I found this pleasant surprise:
http://www.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop
/religioustoys/Spatule_crocodile.jpg

Or, if that link's too long to work with:
http://makeashorterlink.com/?R54631404

It's only a short time before shrines to Bibulous are constructed, I just
know it...

Sincerely,
Douglas W. Dlin

I tried the website and there He is.  The ad says He comes in the form
of a "complete plush idol and Offler Prayer Book.  If anyone gets one,
let us know.
-- Ed.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) SALES OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE RIGHTS

Colin Smythe reports:

THE LAST HERO - coeditions are being produced for Proszynski (Polish),
Talpress (Czech) and L'Atalante (French).

Proszynski is also going to be publishing a Polish edition of THE
UNADULTERATED CAT.

Italian: Salani are issuing Pier Francesco Paolini's translation
of PYRAMIDS as a paperback (originally published by Sonzogno).

Karisto will be publishing a Finnish edition of MOVING PICTURES.

Pocket are buying French language pocket book rights in
MEN AT ARMS and SOUL MUSIC.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- APRIL 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) NOT THE DISC HOROSCOPE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sorry to report that Lady Aranluc's ever-popular Disc
Horoscope will not appear this month, since her
computer was stolen by dwarves and was made into
a splendid suit of armor, which is nice but won't help
you discover your destiny for April.

However, my good friend Manu found another amusing
article in his KFL newsletter for our Spanish branch,
and has sent it along to help out:

WHERE *NOT* TO READ DISCWORLD BOOKS

Strange as it may seem, there are some places or situations
where reading Discworld books is not the right thing to do. The
list is pretty big and about ten or twelve newsletters would be
required to cover them all. The ones below can be considered
the most representative; you'll discover the rest of them as you
go along. Believe me, you will.
             
One of the places where you should never read is on a subway
or bus. The explanation can be summarized in a word: ill-at-ease.
We are not talking about the clustering of a lot of people in a really
small environment -- we're talking about something worse. We are
talking about that disturbing, disgusting, awful, in a word, that
unwanted situation in which someone is quietly reading and
suddenly there are five or six "literary borrowers" around him.

They sit beside you, in back of you, and even stand in the aisle
next to you.  Before you know it, they are reading along with you.
Worst of all, the moment comes when one lurking reader has read
faster than you, and starts coughing and clearing his throat to point
out that he has already finished the page and hints that perhaps you're
reading too slowly.  You start to feel the pressure, along with a
stomach ache, a cold sweat and a longing to be five miles away.
Besides all this, you sometimes discover that the odors from
people going home from work are not the best atmosphere for
a rewarding reading experience.

Another bad place for reading Terry Pratchett is during a fire
in your home. The most reasonable procedure to follow is:

1. Leave everything you are doing and, no matter how, save
   your Discworld novel collection. If you have spare time, you
   can also save some lesser things, like The Lord of the Rings,
   Don Quixote, the Holy Bible, etc., but this is optional.
2. Cover yourself, with a wet blanket if possible, go back and
   get into the place again to rescue your PC.
3. Well, now you can take it easy. Just remember to phone the
   firehouse. Calmly tell the neighbours to leave the building.
    They'll be fun to watch as they scurry out, mob-like, wearing
    pajamas and inhaling the greatest possible amount of smoke
    on their way to the street.
4. Now everything is really over. As you pick up your favourite
   Pratchett book again, tell the ambulance driver to stop making
    all that fuss with lights and noises. Tell your brother to remember
    that third degree burns over 90% of his body are not such a bad
    thing and to stop screaming as it makes it hard to concentrate
    on what you're reading.

The third and worst situation to read Pratchett books is
during an evacuation. And no, it is not the same thing we were
discussing above. We mean... ahem, well, you know, er... when
you are sitting and making an effort, ahem, answering the call
of nature, ahem, and such. The solution is simple: the
only proper reading to do in the toilet is to read junk mail,
especially political stuff.  Best of all, afterwards you can
dispose of it quickly and easily.

There are many other inappropriate situations, and you'll soon
discover them. For example, you shouldn't read Terry
Pratchett while driving, climbing, painting your house, being
on a trial, in a hospital, crossing a road, taking a shower
or...  well... having sex.

Don't thank me.  It was nothing.

  -- Jay&SeSiNo
<SeSiNo@...>

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  LORDS AND LADIES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.   Read the words
backwards and discover the sign of the times.

(Note: all spellings are from the 1992 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Teacher of Esmeralda Weatherwax (last name, 5th letter)
2. Aide to Queen of the Elves (lst letter)
3. The Short-Tempered Queen of Lancre (3rd letter)
4. Lancre Castle Falconer (9th letter)
5. Old Threepenny's daughter (last name, 2nd letter)
6. First human to be killed by the Unicorn (last name, 2nd letter)
7. Name on Librarian's new bright blue collar (1st letter)
8. Mundane name of Diamanda (last name, 2nd letter)
9. The Royal Beekeeper (last name, 2nd letter)
10. Queen Agantia made him a Count (last name, 1st letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = The sign of the times
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/    

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: SOUL MUSIC
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. The new owner of The Mended Drum (1st letter, 1st name)
        HIBISCUS Dunelm = H
2. Secretary of the Musicians' Guild (4th letter, last name)
        Mr. CLETE = T
3. A small flat troll, sat on by elephants (1st letter)
        ASPHALT = A
4. A guitar maker and author (1st name, 3rd letter)
        BLERT Wheedon = E
5. AKA Adrian Turnipseed (2nd name, last letter)
        Big MAD Drongo = D
6. A forgetful organization (1st word, last letter)
        KLATCHIAN Foreign Legion = N
7. One of the Musicians' Guild's recruiting officers (1st name, 2nd letter)
        SATCHELMOUTH Lemon = A
8. A troll godfather in the Breccia (5th letter)
        CHRYSOPRASE = S
9. Stage name of Imp y Celyn (1st name, 2nd letter)
        BUDDY = U
10. Real name of Cliff (1st name, 4th letter)
        LIAS Bluestone = S

H_/T_/A_/E_/D_/N_/A_/S_/U_/S_/ = Beau Nidle's granddaughter
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/       =  SUSAN DEATH
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) ANAGRAM CONTEST

For anyone who isn't familiar with the joys of anagramming, the
idea of anagram-making is to take the letters of a name or phrase
and make a new phrase that, in the best possible circumstance, is
either descriptive of the person whose name provided the letters,
or -- one hopes! -- humorous. Or even, erm, vaguely clever :-)

The only 'rule' of anagramming is that all the letters in the name
or phrase must be used, and only used once. It's a bit like Scrabble,
really!

Some useful tips for Discworld anagrams: look at the chosen
character's name and see if you can make any Discly names
from some of the letters -- e.g., Lancre or Klatch or Dibbler or
Gaspode; then see if it's possible to make words from what's left.
Don't forget to consider relevant initials, common abbreviations,
titles and contractions -- e.g., Mr or Mrs or Mss, pash or skivvy,
U.U. or DTm, Lord or Sir, can't or ain't -- which can help to
use up those pesky extra consonants. And where necessary, be
sure you have a handy explanation for some of the...odder
anagrams.

And now, a demonstration. *Do* try this at home!

Havelock Vetinari = VIE OVER KLATCHIAN

Not only does this contain 'Klatchian', but it gives a nod
to Lord Vetinari's vital role in 'Jingo'.

Then there's the matter of his careful stewardship of A-M:

AIN'T HE A ROCK V. EVIL?!
'E VIOLENCE RIVAL AT ANKH
O, I'VE ANKH VERTICAL (an economic statement?)

A possible headline in the A-M Times about the rumours that
the Odium click-pit will reopen:

ANKH  TO ICE REVIVAL!

A description of Sybil's rendition of Bloodaxe and Ironhammer:

VALIANT VOICE-HIKER

...or a necessity in the U.U. job description:

HAVE V. OCTARINE ILK

Here's how the contest will work:  Pick any five of the
names below and work out a flock of anagrams for them.
Then pick the two best ones (in your opinion) and
submit them to Joe at  jschaum111@...:

CARROT IRONFOUNDERSSON
SERGEANT COLON
DETRITUS AND RUBY
COUNT GIAMO CASANUNDA
ARCHCHANCELLOR MUSTRUM RIDCULLY
GRANNY WEATHERWAX
MAGRAT GARLICK, WITCH-QUEEN OF LANCRE
CHEERY LITTLEBOTTOM
SUSAN STO HELIT
PONDER STIBBONS
KING VERENCE OF LANCRE
DELPHINE ANGUA VON UBERWALD
COMMANDER SAMUEL VIMES
LADY SYBIL RAMKIN
LEONARD OF QUIRM
ALBERTO MALICH
AGNES "PERDITA" NITT

He will pass them on to me and our panel of
judges who will select the best ones.  Each
selected one will count for ten points.  Thus
your score can be as high as 100 points.

If one person is ahead of all the rest, he or she
will be acclaimed as the winner and will
receive a prize.  If there are ties, we will have
runoff contests.  The prizes have not yet been
selected and any ideas you may have will be
seriously considered.

Right, what more do you need to know?

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin,  Anagrams Mistress
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- APRIL 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) NOT THE DISC HOROSCOPE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sorry to report that Lady Aranluc's ever-popular Disc
Horoscope will not appear this month, since her
computer was stolen by dwarves and was made into
a splendid suit of armor, which is nice but won't help
you discover your destiny for April.

However, my good friend Manu found another amusing
article in his KFL newsletter for our Spanish branch,
and has sent it along to help out:

WHERE *NOT* TO READ DISCWORLD BOOKS

Strange as it may seem, there are some places or situations
where reading Discworld books is not the right thing to do. The
list is pretty big and about ten or twelve newsletters would be
required to cover them all. The ones below can be considered
the most representative; you'll discover the rest of them as you
go along. Believe me, you will.
             
One of the places where you should never read is on a subway
or bus. The explanation can be summarized in a word: ill-at-ease.
We are not talking about the clustering of a lot of people in a really
small environment -- we're talking about something worse. We are
talking about that disturbing, disgusting, awful, in a word, that
unwanted situation in which someone is quietly reading and
suddenly there are five or six "literary borrowers" around him.

They sit beside you, in back of you, and even stand in the aisle
next to you.  Before you know it, they are reading along with you.
Worst of all, the moment comes when one lurking reader has read
faster than you, and starts coughing and clearing his throat to point
out that he has already finished the page and hints that perhaps you're
reading too slowly.  You start to feel the pressure, along with a
stomach ache, a cold sweat and a longing to be five miles away.
Besides all this, you sometimes discover that the odors from
people going home from work are not the best atmosphere for
a rewarding reading experience.

Another bad place for reading Terry Pratchett is during a fire
in your home. The most reasonable procedure to follow is:

1. Leave everything you are doing and, no matter how, save
   your Discworld novel collection. If you have spare time, you
   can also save some lesser things, like The Lord of the Rings,
   Don Quixote, the Holy Bible, etc., but this is optional.
2. Cover yourself, with a wet blanket if possible, go back and
   get into the place again to rescue your PC.
3. Well, now you can take it easy. Just remember to phone the
   firehouse. Calmly tell the neighbours to leave the building.
   They'll be fun to watch as they scurry out, mob-like, wearing
   pajamas and inhaling the greatest possible amount of smoke
   on their way to the street.
4. Now everything is really over. As you pick up your favourite
   Pratchett book again, tell the ambulance driver to stop making
   all that fuss with lights and noises. Tell your brother to remember
   that third degree burns over 90% of his body are not such a bad
   thing and to stop screaming as it makes it hard to concentrate
   on what you're reading.

The third and worst situation to read Pratchett books is
during an evacuation. And no, it is not the same thing we were
discussing above. We mean... ahem, well, you know, er... when
you are sitting and making an effort, ahem, answering the call
of nature, ahem, and such. The solution is simple: the
only proper reading to do in the toilet is to read junk mail,
especially political stuff.  Best of all, afterwards you can
dispose of it quickly and easily.

There are many other inappropriate situations, and you'll soon
discover them. For example, you shouldn't read Terry
Pratchett while driving, climbing, painting your house, being
on a trial, in a hospital, crossing a road, taking a shower
or...  well... having sex.

Don't thank me.  It was nothing.

-- Jay&SeSiNo
<SeSiNo@...>

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  LORDS AND LADIES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.   Read the words
backwards and discover the sign of the times.

(Note: all spellings are from the 1992 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Teacher of Esmeralda Weatherwax (last name, 5th letter)
2. Aide to Queen of the Elves (lst letter)
3. The Short-Tempered Queen of Lancre (3rd letter)
4. Lancre Castle Falconer (9th letter)
5. Old Threepenny's daughter (last name, 2nd letter)
6. First human to be killed by the Unicorn (last name, 2nd letter)
7. Name on Librarian's new bright blue collar (1st letter)
8. Mundane name of Diamanda (last name, 2nd letter)
9. The Royal Beekeeper (last name, 2nd letter)
10. Queen Agantia made him a Count (last name, 1st letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = The sign of the times
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/    

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: SOUL MUSIC
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. The new owner of The Mended Drum (1st letter, 1st name)
       HIBISCUS Dunelm = H
2. Secretary of the Musicians' Guild (4th letter, last name)
       Mr. CLETE = T
3. A small flat troll, sat on by elephants (1st letter)
       ASPHALT = A
4. A guitar maker and author (1st name, 3rd letter)
       BLERT Wheedon = E
5. AKA Adrian Turnipseed (2nd name, last letter)
       Big MAD Drongo = D
6. A forgetful organization (1st word, last letter)
       KLATCHIAN Foreign Legion = N
7. One of the Musicians' Guild's recruiting officers (1st name, 2nd letter)
       SATCHELMOUTH Lemon = A
8. A troll godfather in the Breccia (5th letter)
       CHRYSOPRASE = S
9. Stage name of Imp y Celyn (1st name, 2nd letter)
       BUDDY = U
10. Real name of Cliff (1st name, 4th letter)
       LIAS Bluestone = S

H_/T_/A_/E_/D_/N_/A_/S_/U_/S_/ = Beau Nidle's granddaughter
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/       =  SUSAN DEATH
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) ANAGRAM CONTEST

For anyone who isn't familiar with the joys of anagramming, the
idea of anagram-making is to take the letters of a name or phrase
and make a new phrase that, in the best possible circumstance, is
either descriptive of the person whose name provided the letters,
or -- one hopes! -- humorous. Or even, erm, vaguely clever :-)

The only 'rule' of anagramming is that all the letters in the name
or phrase must be used, and only used once. It's a bit like Scrabble,
really!

Some useful tips for Discworld anagrams: look at the chosen
character's name and see if you can make any Discly names
from some of the letters -- e.g., Lancre or Klatch or Dibbler or
Gaspode; then see if it's possible to make words from what's left.
Don't forget to consider relevant initials, common abbreviations,
titles and contractions -- e.g., Mr or Mrs or Mss, pash or skivvy,
U.U. or DTm, Lord or Sir, can't or ain't -- which can help to
use up those pesky extra consonants. And where necessary, be
sure you have a handy explanation for some of the...odder
anagrams.

And now, a demonstration. *Do* try this at home!

Havelock Vetinari = VIE OVER KLATCHIAN

Not only does this contain 'Klatchian', but it gives a nod
to Lord Vetinari's vital role in 'Jingo'.

Then there's the matter of his careful stewardship of A-M:

AIN'T HE A ROCK V. EVIL?!
'E VIOLENCE RIVAL AT ANKH
O, I'VE ANKH VERTICAL (an economic statement?)

A possible headline in the A-M Times about the rumours that
the Odium click-pit will reopen:

ANKH  TO ICE REVIVAL!

A description of Sybil's rendition of Bloodaxe and Ironhammer:

VALIANT VOICE-HIKER

...or a necessity in the U.U. job description:

HAVE V. OCTARINE ILK

Here's how the contest will work:  Pick any five of the
names below and work out a flock of anagrams for them.
Then pick the two best ones (in your opinion) and
submit them to Joe at  jschaum111@...:

CARROT IRONFOUNDERSSON
SERGEANT COLON
DETRITUS AND RUBY
COUNT GIAMO CASANUNDA
ARCHCHANCELLOR MUSTRUM RIDCULLY
GRANNY WEATHERWAX
MAGRAT GARLICK, WITCH-QUEEN OF LANCRE
CHEERY LITTLEBOTTOM
SUSAN STO HELIT
PONDER STIBBONS
KING VERENCE OF LANCRE
DELPHINE ANGUA VON UBERWALD
COMMANDER SAMUEL VIMES
LADY SYBIL RAMKIN
LEONARD OF QUIRM
ALBERTO MALICH
AGNES "PERDITA" NITT

He will pass them on to me and our panel of
judges who will select the best ones.  Each
selected one will count for ten points.  Thus
your score can be as high as 100 points.

If one person is ahead of all the rest, he or she
will be acclaimed as the winner and will
receive a prize.  If there are ties, we will have
runoff contests.  The prizes have not yet been
selected and any ideas you may have will be
seriously considered.

Right, what more do you need to know?

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin,  Anagrams Mistress
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MAY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) DISCWORLD BEER IS HERE!

To the Editor:

BursarVixen Enterprises is proud to announce three brand new,
exciting and exclusive Discworld products, for your delight and
delectation.

DISCWORLD BEER:

Our first beer in this new range is Ridcully's Revenge - a delightful
real ale, featuring a full-colour label with artwork by Discworld artist
Paul Kidby. Various pack sizes are available - only to over-18s,
of course!

'DEATH OF RATS'  LIFETIMER

This brand new product, exclusive to BVE, is a beautiful realisation
of one of the mystical hourglasses to be found in Death's Domain.
As this is the lifetimer of the Death of Rats, the decoration is truly
unmistakable!

DISCWORLD MUGS

These high-quality mugs feature the fantastic artwork of Paul Kidby.
Our range of designs includes 'Night Watch', 'Wyrd Sisters', '
Rincewind Running', 'The Librarian', 'Wee Free Men' and 'Family Values'.

All of these spiffing goodies are now available for online purchase,
using our secure payment facility. To see more details and photographs,
and to order, please visit:

http://www.bursarvixen.com/

...where you can also subscribe to our newsletter, and find details of
how to contact us. See you soon!

Karen Kruzycka
BursarVixen Enterprises

Ed Note: Would you like to have us review the beer?
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) PONDER vs. POTTER DEBUNKED

To the Editor:

Does anyone else see the resemblance between
Kidby's vision of Ponder and Harry Potter?

The moment I first saw Kidby's Ponder,  I had two
thoughts:
1) Yes, that's exactly what Ponder looks like!
2) I wonder if the strong resemblance to that pansyarse
     wannabe-wizard Harry Potter is affectionately tongue
     in cheek or meant to be nicely vicious...

I wondered who had copied whom.  Perfect description of
HP there.  I don't understand why he's the hero when
everyone else saves him from his own > incompetence.

I seem to recall someone sending in a link, a few months
ago, to a column suggesting - possibly *not* with tongue in
cheek, alas - that Harry was a gormless pawn of the
bloated, autocratic, nepotistic, privileged wizard class...;)

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

To the Editor:

*sigh* Nobody copied anybody.  The stereotype has been around
since there were students and spectacles; besides, Ponder has
always been plump and HP is skinny.

Ponder first appears in print in Moving Pictures, with the same
description, but the name was first used in a stage production of
Sourcery, substituting for Rincewind's cameo in that story.  He had
the same appearance as far as I know: the archetype nerdy college
student.  Having been created, he then appeared in MP.  MP predates
even the idea for HP.  The first Kirby picture of Ponder
also predates HP by a significant length of time.

--Tamar Lindsay

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) WFM: ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW

To the Editor:

I managed to acquire a copy of Wee Free Men on Thursday
last week, and thought I was running late and missed the
comments.  Does nobody else apart from those in the Fortress
[Ed note: that's Steven's famous Fortress of Avoiding the Neighbors]
have it (and Kathy, as she has a quote from it in her sig), or are
we just not talking about it yet?  Or are new books something we
only talk about on a sub-list now?

-- Megan Ruff

To the Editor:

No, I'm one of the few people on the list to have bought WFM
so far, and we haven't seen many comments yet. Speaking of
which, below is a comment on The Wee Free Men. Those who have
not yet read, please avert your eyes during the spoiler space.

NOT

AS

BIG

AS

MEDIUM-SIZED

SPOILER

SPACE

BUT

BIGGER

THAN

WEE

SPOILER

SPACE

SPOILER

SPACE

WFM is a fantastic book, and very obviously PTerry. However, I got the
feeling that he was re-using many of his lines and characters. Miss Tick
felt like a very superfluous character, there for the purpose of a) telling
Tiffany what's happening, b) giving Tiffany the toad, and c) bringing in the
witches at the end. Well, I feel that the toad could have introduced himself
and given Tiffany most of the necessary information, and the witches really
didn't need to be there - they seemed to drop in to tell Tiffany a lot of
what she already knew, and to be the token 'established Discworld character
appearance' since Death didn't rear his skeletal head.

So, while I enjoyed WFM, it's not going on my list of favourites. It could
have been, but for things like the ones I've mentioned here, that really
shouldn't have made it past the first few drafts.

-- ConMan

PS:

If you're Igor and you know it clap your hands *clap, thunk*
Er ...
If you're Igor and you know it pick up your hands
If you're Igor and you know it then you really oughtn't show it
If you're Igor and you know it re-attach your hands
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) STO LAT OR NOT STO LAT?

To the Editor:

This is part of a BBC news article about the Pope's 83rd birthday:

"The crowd sang Happy Birthday as well as the traditional Polish
greeting "Stolat" which means "may you live 100 years"."

Do you think it's just a coincidence?

-- Fiona  msn: fuzbit@...
:O)

To the Editor:

Nah, the Pope is Polish you know.

[runs and hides]

-- Steven D'Aprano

PS:
"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the
forces of evil: prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom,
no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat
leaden death, demon..." -- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) THE AMAZING ASTI AND HER EDUCATED AUTHORS

I went to the 6pm signing at Hammick's Books in Harrow yesterday. We
weren't quite sure where in Harrow the store was, but figured it was
probably along the long straight bit between the pointy end and the
feathers.

I skived off work at 4, leaving myself 2 hours to go 10 miles battling
the Friday rush hour traffic leaving London. I say myself, but actually
the pilot was my long-suffering husband Nick whilst I played navigator
and interpreter to the AA website's cryptic instructions (why do they
always say 2nd exit at a roundabout instead of straight ahead?).An hour
and a half it took us, and though I was often tempted to just turn
around and go home, I still had Grampa Joe's instructions echoing in my
head (get an autographed book for the WOSSNAME Anagram
Competition!) and I just couldn't let him down.

So, we finally got on line at 5:30 and just managed to get in the door
of the bookshop. The line snaked around the perimeter of the bookshop,
up the stairs, and out of sight but we managed to only be about 100 or
so people back from the head of the line (stupid traffic). I had hoped
to be able to do a short interview (3 questions) with the man himself,
but looking at the line, my hopes were dashed. Instead, my thoughts
turned to picking out a DW book for the great one to sign for the
competition. My husband, ever helpful, suggested that we have him sign
The Making of Mistress Chloe, but I thought it might be better if we
had him sign one of his own books. In the end, I chose [SECRET] as even I
can make an anagram out of that one ::grin::.

Finally, after waiting on line a further hour and a half, we now have a
paperback copy of [SECRET], signed by the great one himself and he included
a secret anagram message! Expect the competition to be announced in the
next WOSSNAME. [AND HERE IT IS - SEE PAGE 1 FOR DETAILS]

-- MsAstria [AKA as my granddaughter Asti]

Vicereine Of Devious Knowledge - Adhoc (VODKA)
Mistress And Regent - Totally Inane Nonuseful Information (MARTINI)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
May 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 5)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) FREE AUTOGRAPHED TERRY BOOK
2) HOW TO DO AN ANAGRAM
3) LANCRE WINE
4) SCRABBLEMEET REPORT

====Part 2

LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
5) DISCWORLD BEER IS HERE!
6) PONDER VS. POTTER DEBUNKED
7) WFM: ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW
8) STO LAT OR NOT STO LAT?
9) THE AMAZING ASTI AND HER EDUCATED AUTHORS

====Part 3

10) CLARECRAFT OFFERS TWO NEW DW MINIATURES
11) PUZZLE: MEN AT ARMS
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) FREE AUTOGRAPHED TERRY BOOK

If you've ever wanted to add an autographed Terry book
to your collection, your day has come.

We have on hand, thanks to Terry, and some fast
footwork by my granddaughter Asti in London, a
special signed copy of a DW book which will go to
the winner of our Anagram Contest.

Here's how the contest will work: Pick any five of the
names below and work out a flock of anagrams for them.
Then pick the two best ones (in your opinion) and
submit them to me at  jschaum111@...:

CARROT IRONFOUNDERSSON
SERGEANT COLON
DETRITUS AND RUBY
COUNT GIAMO CASANUNDA
ARCHCHANCELLOR MUSTRUM RIDCULLY
GRANNY WEATHERWAX
MAGRAT GARLICK, WITCH-QUEEN OF LANCRE
CHEERY LITTLEBOTTOM
SUSAN STO HELIT
PONDER STIBBONS
KING VERENCE OF LANCRE
DELPHINE ANGUA VON UBERWALD
COMMANDER SAMUEL VIMES
LADY SYBIL RAMKIN
LEONARD OF QUIRM
ALBERTO MALICH
AGNES "PERDITA" NITT

I will pass them on to our panel of judges
who will select the best ones.  Each selected
one will count for ten points.  Thus your
score can be as high as 100 points.

The person with the highest score will be
acclaimed as the winner and will receive the
prize.  If there are ties, we will have
runoff contests.

2) HOW TO DO AN ANAGRAM
Some tips from Drusilla D'Afanguin,  Anagrams Mistress

For anyone who isn't familiar with the joys of anagramming, the
idea of anagram-making is to take the letters of a name or phrase
and make a new phrase that, in the best possible circumstance, is
either descriptive of the person whose name provided the letters,
or -- one hopes! -- humorous. Or even, erm, vaguely clever :-)

The only 'rule' of anagramming is that all the letters in the name
or phrase must be used, and only used once. It's a bit like Scrabble,
really!

Some useful tips for Discworld anagrams: look at the chosen
character's name and see if you can make any Discly names
from some of the letters -- e.g., Lancre or Klatch or Dibbler or
Gaspode; then see if it's possible to make words from what's left.
Don't forget to consider relevant initials, common abbreviations,
titles and contractions -- e.g., Mr or Mrs or Mss, pash or skivvy,
U.U. or DTm, Lord or Sir, can't or ain't -- which can help to
use up those pesky extra consonants. And where necessary, be
sure you have a handy explanation for some of the...odder
anagrams.

And now, a demonstration. *Do* try this at home!

Havelock Vetinari = VIE OVER KLATCHIAN

Not only does this contain 'Klatchian', but it gives a nod
to Lord Vetinari's vital role in 'Jingo'.

Then there's the matter of his careful stewardship of A-M:

AIN'T HE A ROCK V. EVIL?!
'E VIOLENCE RIVAL AT ANKH
O, I'VE ANKH VERTICAL (an economic statement?)

A possible headline in the A-M Times about the rumours that
the Odium click-pit will reopen:

ANKH TO ICE REVIVAL!

A description of Sybil's rendition of Bloodaxe and Ironhammer:

VALIANT VOICE-HIKER

...or a necessity in the U.U. job description:

HAVE V. OCTARINE ILK

Need more help?  Just write to Drusilla at
noisycow@...

Have fun!
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) LANCRE WINE

Walking through my local wine shop I
picked up a bottle of "Chateau de Lancyre" --
Bordeaux wine and quite tasty.

Of course they got the spelling wrong and the
picture on the label doesn't look like it's anywhere
near the Ramtops but it may be interesting to
see if there are other products around with
familiar names

-- George Duffield
somewhere near Lancre.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) SCRABBLEMEET REPORT

Venue: Eeevil SteVen's Fortress, Melbourne, Continent of Fourecks
Date: 10th May 2003
Attending: Steven, Dru, Bek, Matt, Paul, Hania

This was a meet a long time in the making - specifically, since
the long-ago last DanMeet extravaganza, when several
BUers gifted Your Humble Chronicler with a Scrabble set as
a belated Hogswatch present. As it was a luncheon Meet,
there was much discussion over the preceding week about
what to eat for lunch that day. In the end, we decided to
eat food, since it was the most popular choice.

Bek, Matt and Paul arrived together, half an hour early to
make up for the fact that Steven is always at least half an hour
late. Paul had come armed with some fine dwarf Battle bread
from the early Century of the Fruitbat. Admirable as this
was, it hardly compared with Steven's prize exhibit, a
Throwing Muffin that is now celebrating its first birthday.

After lunch, which featured oven-BBQ'ed chicken, Sto Lat
Salad[1], and the legendary Ecksian "sawdust snags" (these
are sausages which are guaranteed to have been in the same
district as genuine pig products for at least a millisecond),
we drew the curtains and watched several episodes of Buffy
- ones that won't be seen by the public here for weeks - and
then discussed the Ecksian and Merkin covers of Wee Free
Men while Paul, as usual, ransacked Steven's library. Then
Hania arrived fresh from posing as a nude model at one
of the local universities; no surprise there, since Hania is
as much a Roundworld version of the youthful Gytha Ogg
as one is ever likely to find.

The next, and most memorable, highlight of the afternoon
came when Steven played us a video of Pterry signing
Hania's bosom[2] at one of his Melbourne book signings
last No and a taped interview the Master had
  exhibdone that day in less...distracting circumstances.

This was followed by the obligatory jelly, custard and trifle,
and then the Scrabble board came out. Well, actually, Paul
was so overcome by the video clip that he made a hasty
departure (with odd booklike bulges under his jacket), and
*then* the Scrabble board came out. Our first-ever BU
Scrabble game was cheerfully incompetent, one of the lowest
scoring games of all time and space. Your Humble
Chronicler did her very best to lose, but failed to do so.
Hania kept us amused with saucy tales and constant
illegal pre-move dictionary consultations, while Steven
also did *his* best to slip in computer brand names and
geek/nerd game words and Matt pulled the looking-
miserable-and-lost trick so we *did* allow him to use
geek/nerd terms and Bek kept score and guarded the
letter-bag. Needless to say, the game got sillier and sillier
as it progressed, or degenerated, but that made it
  fun for all. At last, some eight hours after it
started, ScrabbleMeet came to an end and Steven got
seriously stuck into the leftover custard. All in all a very
good day!

[1] featuring lots of brassicas, naturally

[2] this is the absolute truth. Really. Oh, all right,
it was a latex mock bosom, but the look on Pterry's
face when he saw those disembodied bare breasts
looming over him was priceless. Hmm, I wonder if
he'll ever come to Melbourne again...

-- Dru.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- MAY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) CLARECRAFT OFFERS TWO NEW DW MINIATURES

Clarecraft has just released two Discworld pewter miniatures --
"Death on Binky" and "Death on a Motorbike." As a special
offer, they are selling these at 20 percent below the suggested
retail price until Tuesday, June 3rd. See their online store
catalog for details:
http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/catalogbody.html

FREE T-SHIRT

Also, any order placed before Tuesday, 3rd June 2003 for
Discworld pieces totaling over 20 UK pounds will include
a free 2000 Discworld Event T-shirt. This is a strictly limited offer,
"whilst stocks last"!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  MEN AT ARMS
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
backwards and discover where the men at arms are.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1993 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Aristocratic Assassin in very reduced circumstances. (1st name, 1st
letter)
  Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. (last name, last letter)
3. Werewolf Watchperson (4th letter)
4. The Retrophrenologist (2nd letter)
5. The Patrician. (1st name, 1st letter)
6. The dwarf who made the Gonne. (2nd name, 1st letter)
7. An exploded dragon. (1st letter)
8. Lady's maid to Queen Molly. (1st name, 3rd letter)
9. Troll who formerly cleaned privies. (3rd letter)
10. Head of the Clown's Guild.  (1st letter)


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Where the men at arms are
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Note: For some obscure cyberish reason, the page 3  I sent  out
a few minutes ago cut off just before the solution to last month's
puzzle.  Here is the full text:

WOSSNAME -- MAY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) CLARECRAFT OFFERS TWO NEW DW MINIATURES

Clarecraft has just released two Discworld pewter miniatures --
"Death on Binky" and "Death on a Motorbike." As a special
offer, they are selling these at 20 percent below the suggested
retail price until Tuesday, June 3rd. See their online store
catalog for details:
http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/catalogbody.html

FREE T-SHIRT

Also, any order placed before Tuesday, 3rd June, 2003 for
Discworld pieces totalling over 20 UK pounds will include
a free 2000 Discworld Event t-shirt. This is a strictly limited offer,
"whilst stocks last"!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  MEN AT ARMS
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.   Read the words
backwards and discover where the men at arms are.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1993 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Aristocratic Assassin in very reduced circumstances. (1st name, 1st
letter)
  Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. (last name, last letter)
3. Werewolf Watchperson (4th letter)
4. The Retrophrenologist (2nd letter)
5. The Patrician. (1st name, 1st letter)
6. The dwarf who made the Gonne. (2nd name, 1st letter)
7. An exploded dragon. (1st letter)
8. Lady's maid to Queen Molly. (1st name, 3rd letter)
9. Troll who formerly cleaned privies. (3rd letter)
10. Head of the Clown's Guild.  (1st letter)


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Where the men at arms are
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: LORDS AND LADIES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. Teacher of Esmeralda Weatherwax (last name, 5th letter)
        NANNY GRIPES = E
2. Aide to Queen of the Elves (lst letter)
        LORD LANKIN  = L
3. The Short-Tempered Queen of Lancre (3rd letter)
        QUEEN YNCI = C
4. Lancre Castle Falconer (9th letter)
        HODGESAARGH = R
5. Old Threepenny's daughter (last name, 2nd letter)
        AGNES NITT = I
6. First human to be killed by the Unicorn (last name, 2nd letter)
        WILLIAM SCROPE = C
7. Name on Librarian's new bright blue collar (1st letter)
        PONGO = P
8. Mundane name of Diamanda (last name, 2nd letter)
        LUCY TOCKLEY = O
9. The Royal Beekeeper (last name, 2nd letter)
        MR BROOKS = R
10. Queen Agantia made him a Count (last name, 1st letter)
        GIAMO CASANUNDA = C

E_/L_/C_/R_/I_/C_/P_/O_/R_/C_/ = The sign of the times
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/      =  CROP CIRCLE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) PONDER vs. POTTER  CORRECTED

To the Editor:

Quoting my submission:

> To the Editor:
>
> *sigh* Nobody copied anybody.  The stereotype has been around
> since there were students and spectacles; besides, Ponder has
> always been plump and HP is skinny.
>
> Ponder first appears in print in Moving Pictures, with the same
> description, but the name was first used in a stage production of
> Sourcery, substituting for Rincewind's cameo in that story.

Argh.  I meant in a stage production of_Mort_ - in _Sourcery_, Rincewind
has considerably more than a cameo role.

Hoping I have learned to check my facts before posting rather than after,
I remain:

--Tamar Lindsay

P.S. I loved WFM.  I hope we see more of Miss Tick, even if we don't get
to see more of Tiffany.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) A DWARF COMPLAINT FROM ICELAND

(In regard to our puzzle description of the Gonne as
being made by Bjorn Hammerhock in the May issue.)

To the Editor:

No DWARF *made* the Gonne.  It was invented and most
likely built by Leonard of Quirm.  The dwarf only mended it.

-- Sigríðurkamillali

Ed: Our humblest apologies.  You are 100% right.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) DISCWORLD MUGS AND ALE TO FILL THEM WITH?

To the Editor:

For those of you who don't read your WOSSNAME
(for shame!), this link was in the previous issue:

http://www.bursarvixen.com/merchandise.php3

Not all the mug illustrations are pictured but IIRC from
the Kidby Hogswatch cards, "Family Values" is a
portrait of Death, Susan, Albert and Death of Rats.  Note also
the Death of Rats Lifetimer in the lower left corner of the
page -- sweet, innit! I wonder if the sand pours :-)

Oh, and there's also a company that sells Discworld ale --

~ stands back from the *swoosh* of certain wizzardly drinkers
racing to catch up with WOSSNAME ~

-- Karen Kruzycka
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) MORT IN CANADA

To the Editor:

I am directing Stephen Brigg's adaptation of "MORT"
next March.   I am trying to discover if we are the first
time the play has been done in Canada.   Mr. Briggs
was unable to remember, so I thought that the next best
place to look would be with The North American
Discworld Society.   Do you know anyone that might have
this bit of trivia?

Graham A. Yeates
Director of KWLT's 2004 Amateur production of
Terry Pratchett's "Mort", as adapted for the stage
by Stephen Briggs.
March 11-13 & 18-20, 2004

(Editor:  Any of our alert Canadian or US readers
ever heard of a Mort production in Canada?)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS FROM AROUND  THE WORD
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) LOONIEMEET (AUSTRALIA)

LoonieMeet aka Accidental Melmeet
Date: 22 June 2003
Venues: various places in a part of Melbourne including Big Mad
      Adrian's Play, Columbo's Restaurant, The Oggery, and  A
Nefarious Nightclub
Present: SteVen, Dru, Bek, Matt, Hania
Also present: SteVen's friend David, Big Mad Adrian and a
       cast of Professional Loonies

SteVen and self decided to go to a matinee performance of Big
Mad Adrian's latest play, 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.
Having heard that Bek and Matt might also attend (since they'd
so enjoyed BMA's previous play that they went twice!) but
not getting confirmation, we decided to Oggnap Hania, so we
went to the Oggery, where we admired Hania's new slav^H^H^H
boyfriend and the latest additions to her wondrous collection
of model crones (really!) and thence to the playhouse. On the
way, Hania regaled us with amazing tales of a Hogswatch
party she'd been to the previous night -- some Ecksians celebrate
Hogswatch on what they foolishly refer to as the "winter"
solstice, i.e. 21 June -- apparently everyone came in costume
(including two Deaths, a creditable Nobby complete with
membership-in-human-race certificate, assorted Nannys and
Magrats, a Sybil Ramkin complete with dragon, a Bursar
complete with Dried Frog Pills, and even a Luggage covered
with little feet!), and ate copiously of various dishes from Nanny
Ogg's Cookbook; sadly, no-one thought to take pictures. Waah!
On the way to the playhouse we regaled SteVen with too many
verses of A Wizard's Staff to count.

Alone at our playhouse table, we were suddenly joined by surprise
visitor David, and then by Bek and Matt. Hurrah! Then the play
began. Hania, who had never even met Big Mad Adrian (who
BTW is SteVen's brother), again showed her Oggish nature -- not
five minutes into the play, she boggled and grabbed the programme
and frantically leafed through it and had to suppress gleeful
giggles. "See that bloke over on stage right? " she hissed in her idea
of a stage whisper. "The one who's playing Loonie In Red Jumper?
He's one of my ex-boyfriends! I didn't even know he was an actor,
hahaha..." The play was excellent (of course). We are supporting BMA
to the hilt because he is thinking of producing a play of The Truth
next year, starring himself as either de Worde or Vetinari, and his
little fat Spaniel, Ralph, as Wuffles. Wouldn't that be wonderful!

After the curtain calls, we all mingled with the cast. There was much
laughter, and much hugging of ex-boyfriends and new acquaintances
(definite spark between BMA and Hania, muhahaha), climaxed by Bek
and Hania springing excitedly into the prop hospital bed to demonstrate,
erm, Tea At Mrs Palm's. Luckily this time there *were* pictures taken
by a cast member, and who knows but what we might even be able to get
our hands on them and share them with you soon :-) At BMA's request,
all of us except David joined him and some of the cast for a lively meal
at Columbo's Italian restaurant, where among other things we discussed
possible casting for The Truth. The hours flew away, and suddenly
Hania realised that it was time for her to meet a previous appointment
at A Nefarious Nightclub - so most of the party joined her! It is worth
noting that Hania left the restaurant with BMA and they didn't show
up at the Nefarious Nightclub for several hours...muhahahaha...

All in all a tremendous day and night. So much so that we're
thinking of doing it all over again next week-end. Big Mad Adrian
truly is a very talented young actor with a promising future...and Ralph
would make a great Wuffles.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE -- EXAM TIME

With all those exams at hand, I think that if you ever needed some
advice, the time is now. That's me being nice.  If you don't get
to read this until after you've taken your exams, don't worry.
You've probably flunked them and will need to take a makeup.

21 March - 20 April
The Perhaps Gate

Don't hurry, that's the point. Hurrying wouldn't make any sense and
you know that. Have you ever began studying with enough time to be
prepared for the exams? You haven't, have you? Then, how do you know
you'll get better marks by doing so? And anyway it's too late now...

21 April - 21 May
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

You need some calm moments in the examination chaos that your life
is turning into. Take your time, adopt the lotus stance and just
levitate for a while over the incense smoke. I don't know if this
will be useful to help you pass, but it *will* be useful to survive.

22 May - 21 June
The Two Fat Cousins

Waves and waves of exams are coming over you, but instead of being
afraid of them, you take your metaphorical surfing board and let
yourself go with them, over them, beyond the shores of knowledge.
Look, I know that your friends have given you some useful advice
about having some of 'that' to improve your studying, but I don't
know if it's really a good idea.  Just don't fall off the surfboard.

22 June - 22 July
Wezen, the Two-Headed Kangaroo

This is a very delicate moment for you. You get obsessed about
details, you see your huge piles of books full of blank spaces,
and doubts are corroding you, but that's nothing compared to the
feelings your teachers have every time they see you turning the
corner, heading for their office. You won't pass your exams earlier
by means of asking questions all the time, and maybe they're plotting
to do some voodoo to get rid of you.  Keep a close eye on your
fingernail clippings and loose hairs.

23 July - 23 August
The Cow of Heaven

You've decided that the best way to study is to do it in group,
so you're trying to bring your whole classroom into the library,
to organize them in little cells whose members will be chosen
by their special abilities, to study exhaustively a part of the
subject and then share that knowledge with the rest. Just stop.
Your classmates are beginning to get fed up with you. Just
admit that you only want a lot of people to whisper the answers
of the exams to you so that you don't have to study at all...

24 August - 23 September
Mubbo, the Hyena

Something new and wonderful will come into your life, a ray of
light which will break through the clouds of confusion that were
surrounding you. An epiphany, a revelation, the solution to
all your problems now and always: you'll soon discover that
copying is not as bad (or hard, now you come to think of it)
as it seems. Hallelujah, brother.

24 September - 23 October
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

Exams always come in the worst moment, when life gets too
interesting to lose your time at home in front of a book.
I know that the notes you took in class have cobwebs
in them, that trying to decipher them at this time would
require a Rosetta Stone, but you'll have to pass some exams
from time to time, admit it. Borrowing someone else's notes
may be the solution you need.

24 October - 22 November
Okjok, the Salesman

I know you have a certain tendency to trip two (hundred) times
over the same stone, but it's about time for you to learn the
lesson. It doesn't matter how many bumps you get in your head,
it's now or never. Stone no. 1: Don't go to parties the night
before an examination. Stone no. 2: Begin studying two days
before does not necessarily imply that you'll pass. Stone no.
3: Throwing dice to decide which parts of the subject you'll
study is not a good idea. I'm sure you can keep on enumerating
stones by yourself... Unlike athletes, sex will not weaken
your mental powers, so go for it.

23 November - 21 December
The Overworked Orang-Utang

It's time to get into the cocoon of study and keep being
there accumulating knowledge, coming out a month later,
as a passed butterfly. Or something like that. What I
mean is that you should stop going out with your friends and
start studying, not that you should become a drag queen ... unless that's
what you want to do with your life, in which case,
good luck, honey!

22 December - 20 January
The Celestial Parsnip

You can't live apart from the rest of the world, caring only
about your needs. There is a lot of people out there with their
dreams, needing your help to work themselves into real people.
Be helpful, be kind, don't cover your examination papers with
your arms. That guy on your right needs you... Help him fail, too.

21 January - 18 February
The Knotted String

Your doubts are awful. You don't know if you must keep fighting
or if the time has come to surrender, and that's destroying you.
Which subjects you should leave, and which ones you should study?
Great dilemma. You can't cover everything, but you don't know
what to choose. In my opinion, and if you're so stressed out, just
go to every single examination you have. You can't fail them all.
Prayer is good.

19 February - 20 March
The Flying Moose

It's in times like these when your real talent comes up, when
everyone admits they need you and you can enjoy helping everybody
to improve their life quality. Everybody knows that your crib sheets
are the best in the word, the most exact and summarized, the most
undetectable. Enjoy, this is your moment.  Afterwards, sell them
to those who flunked.

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  INTERESTING TIMES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
the spot shown.    Read the letters backwards and
discover who conquered the Agatean Empire.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1997 HarperPrism edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. The new emperor (last name, 4th letter)
2. Purveyor of Hundred-Year-Old-Eggs in Hunghung (1st letter)
3. One of Twoflower's daughters, the realist (6th letter)
4. A noble who wants to be emperor (2nd letter)
5. Elderly barbarian who fights in his wheelchair (last name, 1st  letter)
6. An Agatean cannon (1st name, 3rd letter)
7. A spy and agent provocateur for #4 above (last name, 2nd letter)
8. Teach (last name, 3rd letter)
9.  Master of Protocol ( 2nd name, 1st letter)
10. Langtang Collector of Revenues (1st name, 2nd letter)
11. Twoflower's other daughter, the optimist (1st name, 5th letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/   = Conquerors of the Agatean Empire
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/ 

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: MEN AT ARMS
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. Aristocratic Assassin in very reduced circumstances. (1st name, 1st lett
er)
        EDWARD D'EATH = E
2. Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. (last name, last letter)
        SAMUEL VIMES = S
3. Werewolf Watchperson (4th letter)
        ANGUA = U
4. The Retrophrenologist (2nd letter)
        ZORGO = O
5. The Patrician. (1st name, 1st letter)
        HAVELOCK VETINARI = H
6. The dwarf who made the Gonne. (2nd name, 1st letter)
        BJORN HAMMERHOCK = H
7. An exploded dragon. (1st letter)
        CHUBBY = C
8. Lady's maid to Queen Molly. (1st name, 3rd letter)
        LETTICE KNIBBS = T
9. Troll who formerly cleaned privies. (3rd letter)
        COALFACE = A
10. Head of the Clown's Guild.   (1st letter)
        WHITEFACE = W

E_/S_/U_/O_/H_/H_/C_/T_/A_/W_/ = Where the men at arms are
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/........= WATCH HOUSE    
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
June 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 6)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.   Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.   Are there any dues?   No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) MONSTROUS REGIMENT:  A REVIEW
2) WOSSNAME APPOINTS MANAGING EDITOR
3) TERRY AND THE WEE FREE MEN
4) ANOTHER FEW WORDS FROM THE MASTER

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) PONDER VS. POTTER CORRECTED
6) A DWARF COMPLAINT FROM ICELAND
7) DISCWORLD MUGS AND ALE TO FILL THEM WITH
8) MORT IN CANADA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9) LOONIEMEET, AUSTRALIA

====Part 3

10) YOUR DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
11) PUZZLE: INTERESTING TIMES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) MONSTROUS REGIMENT:  REVIEW

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
US Publisher: HarperCollins       Pubdate:October 2003
List Price: USD 24.95          Amazon Price: USD 17.47
Pages: 320   Hardcover  ISBN 006001315X
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
UK Publisher: Doubleday            Pubdate: 2 October 2003
List Price: GBP 17.99           Amazon.UK Price: 12.59
Pages: 329   Hardcover  ISBN 0385603401
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Terry Pratchett's latest Discworld novel, Monstrous Regiment, is
a Saga of Pride, Passione, Bad Foode and Spinne Doctoring in a
Worlde Gone Madde.

It's also a stirring tale of mistaken identities and misplaced
loyalties and what it *really* means to be a Big Girl's Blouse in
the company of rough, tough Men of War.

But mostly, it's a story about socks.

Monstrous Regiment takes place in the bantam (for which read
small and badly-organised but insanely proud and aggressive,
and always trying to sink its spurs into anything vaguely near
the henhouse) country of Borogravia, a morose, grimly Slavonic
nation ruled by an ancient widowed Duchess who hasn't been
seen in public for thirty years. Borogravia is also the bailiwick of
the smallish god Nuggan, who was last seen being socially
excluded by the bigger cheeses of Cori Celesti in The Last Hero,
and no wonder - his attitude to godding it seems to be "I may
not be the most powerful or fashionable of deities, I may not have
a big sphere of influence, but I can sure make life bloody
miserable for the worshippers I *do* have," so the Book of Nuggan
grows constantly thicker with an ever more capricious list of
Abominations: chocolate, garlic, mushrooms, jigsaw puzzles, ears,
babies, the colour blue...and to complicate matters further, Nuggan
also Abominates the recently installed Clacks towers. Hmm, did
I mention that we can assume that they were installed by Ankh-Morpork
interests? Oops. Bad move, Nuggan.

Into this repressive stew comes Polly Perks, a dangerously
modern-minded innkeeper's daughter who decides to cut off her
hair, disguise herself (badly) as a young man, and join the army.
At first, her only reason for doing this is in the hopes of tracking
down her simple-minded, gentle brother Paul, also a soldier; not
only did she promise always to look after him, but she needs to
make sure he's safe and sound because it's the only way she'll be
able to carry on running the family pub once their father dies.
(Did I mention that Nuggan Abominates women owning
property? - or wearing trousers? - or learning to write? - or...) But
once she's scammed her way into the Tenth Foot, also known
as The Ins-and-Outs or the jolly old Cheesemongers, and found
herself in the company of a gaggle of "fellow" recruits who *also*
need looking after and a big, bad, crusty sergeant who keeps
giving her the dirtiest jobs, Polly - or Oliver - is drawn into
bigger issues. And being a determined sort of girl, you can be sure
she meets them like a man.

Although Monstrous Regiment is a stand-alone novel, it's very
much a full part of the Discworld canon, far closer to The Fifth
Elephant than to The Wee Free Men, and features the active
presence of some familiar A-M faces throughout. There are the
usual satirical moments and silly moments, and the trademark
Pratchett snook-cocking and blasting of targets, but on the whole
it's a more serious book than the earlier Discworld novels, and I
for one don't mind that at all. It is this reviewer's opinion that
both the author and the Discly nations themselves have evolved
and become more mature and less slapstick, and rightly so, because
there's only so much slapstick one can tolerate before boredom sets
in. But Terry Pratchett's characters never become less than fascinating,
and Monstrous Regiment marches along in fine hup-two time to
its delightfully bizarre climax. I'd give it a Croix de Guerre; you
can dance to it!

Did I mention the socks? It really, really is about socks...:-)

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

Editor's Note: Yes, I have seen the covers and in my opinion
the US cover is more original.  The UK cover seems to be another
version of the stock WW2 photo "Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima,"
most recently used right after 9/11 to illustrate policemen and
firemen raising the flag at Ground Zero. Some may disagree,

-- Joe Schaumburger
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2) WOSSNAME APPOINTS MANAGING EDITOR

WOSSNAME is pleased to announce that Annie Mac of
Australia has been appointed as Managing Editor. A long-time
DW fan, Annie has also lived in  Ireland, the USA, and England,
and has impressive editing credentials.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) TERRY AND THE WEE FREE MEN

In a reply to Marco Villalta in alt.fan.pratchett, Terry writes:

I'm not going to pretend I remember *that* much from when I was
nine years old, but what I do remember suggests that it is not at
all implausible.  And one of my cousins' daughter, age seven, has
a way of reasoning and wording herself that beats quite a bit.

If we take as givens that Tiffany is naturally intelligent and
*something like* an only child (her older sisters are old enough not to
be natural playmates, so she spends a lot of time in her own company )
and lives in a society where kids above the age of a toddler are treated
as small adults, and has escaped the horror of the school yard , which
teaches children to be kids, and doesn't have TV and the other social
pressures designed to turn her mind to mush, then there's nothing
amazing about her.  She also has been given a lot of responsibility for
something important to the farm, and that accelerates mental maturity, I
suggest.

I meet girls like her at schools and signings -- they tend to be
readers, they're as grave as Queen Victoria, but they are socially
intelligent enough  not to be a kid that gets picked on.  But many of
them have been, for one reason or another, educated at home.

Finally, she's a witch, and a heroine. She *is* going to be brighter
than other kids.

Don't take my word for it -- I 've had a nice e-mail from a Brownie Pack
of nine-year-old girls thanking me for writing a proper nine-year-old
girl .  They've sent me a scarf, which I guess makes me a Brownie:-)

Incidentally -- to the thread in general -- deus ex machina, by
tradition, means something produced at the last minute to make a plot
work.  Tiffany is bright from the word go, and throughout the book
develops powers which are signalled right at the start.

-- Terry Pratchett
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4) ANOTHER FEW WORDS FROM THE MASTER

AFPer: Incidentally, do you have strong opinions about
the meanings of "alternate" and "alternative"? 

TP: Yes. I think that pedants should be alternately ignored
and flamed, unless there is a better alternative

-- (Terry Pratchett and an AFPer, alt.fan.pratchett)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
July 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 7)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) ANAGRAM CONTEST AWARDS ANNOUNCED
2) ANKH-MADRIZ 2003 -- SECOND KEVIN CON IN SPAIN
3) TERRY HAILED AS GENIUS BY A.S. BYATT
4) 4) GUARDS!  GUARDS! AT EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL

====Part 2

5) BIG CHANGES AT THE COLLECTOR'S GUILD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6) DISCWORLD AUCTIONS
7) MONSTROUS REGIMENT CHANGES?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8) MELMEET, AUSTRALIA
9) BRISMEET, AUSTRALIA

====Part 3

10) YOUR DISCWORLD HOROSCOPE
11) PUZZLE: INTERESTING TIMES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) ANAGRAM CONTEST AWARDS ANNOUNCED

WOSSNAME Anagram Contest: And The Winners Are...

Well, gentlebeings, the Anagram Contest is over at last.

This was the original framing of the contest, as written by
WOSSNAME's paterfamilias, Joe (Discworld names snipped):

*********************************************
If you've ever wanted to add an autographed Terry book
to your collection, your day has come.

We have on hand, thanks to Terry, and some fast
footwork by my granddaughter Asti in London, a
special signed copy of a DW book which will go to
the winner of our Anagram Contest.

Here's how the contest will work: Pick any five of the
names below and work out a flock of anagrams for them.
Then pick the two best ones (in your opinion) and
submit them to me at  jschaum111@...:
*********************************************

Now then, not all entrants stuck to 'the rules' by sending
*only* what they considered to be their two best anagrams
out of five sets. In fact, almost none of the entrants did
it that way! What we received instead was a flock of
flocks, or in some cases several flocks of flocks. One
entrant, in the tradition of Jackie Chan, even included
his "outtakes" at the end of his post :-)

This is typical Morporkian obstreperousness, but as we
don't have any loaded scorpion pits handy, we have been
forced, by the very high quality of said flocks, into a
bit of a rethink, and have decided to award the first and
second prizes according to the principles of Djelibeybian
mathematics. Aided by the Bugarup University Regional
Society of Anagram Readers (B.U.R.S.A.R.), we narrowed
the field down to the entrants who had the greatest number
of truly neato-keen entries, and then tallied the numbers
up. And the winners are, in a close-run thing:

Terry O'Connor, with 15 hotshots, gets First Place

Miss Susan Sto Helit, with 8 hotshots, gets Second Place
(narrowly pipping Arto Suokas, who had 7)

****

But, as mentioned, the overall quality of entries was so
high that a number of Special Mentions must be made:

Best Pair of Pairs, from Miss Susan Sto Helit:

SERGEANT COLON
* Lost Gonne Race (as in Men at Arms)
* So get on, Lancre (after sleeping for 15 years in Wyrd Sisters)

LADY SYBIL RAMKIN
*By dairyman skill (that's how Ronnie Soak delivers his milk, really,
no supernatural involved at all, honest)
*Kill by many raids (the Silver Horde, of course)

(Miss Susan also deserves a Special Mention for creative
explanations, with Irene W. Odhner a close second in this
category)

Best Single Pair, from Terry O'Connor:

'SUSAN STO HELIT'
She is not a slut.
HIS sanest lout.

Best Single Entry, from Katie:

DELPHINE ANGUA VON UBERWALD
An alpha underdog w/blue vein

Most Appropriate Anagrams:

SERGEANT COLON: scone range: lot!
(Rikki Fields)

ARCHCHANCELLOR MUSTRUM RIDCULLY: clumsy,
chronic, ultra-dull charmer
DETRITUS AND RUBY: but Yard intrudes!
(Terry O'Connor)

CARROT IRONFOUNDERSSON: for ardour, not corniness
(Arto Suokas)

CARROT IRONFOUNDERSSON: no dress, fur, or coronation
(Stacie Hanes)

LEONARD OF QUIRM: o quarrel of mind!
(Irene W. Odhner)

As your Anagrams Mistress, I have to say you've all made me
proud! I only wish I had a selection of tasteful Small Gods
pendants for each and every one of you :-)

Over to Unca Joe for the awards ceremonies and publication
of full list of winning entries...

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin, Anagrams Mistress
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Dru, you did a magnificent job on this, and from all of
us here at WOSSNAME headquarters, a resounding
huzzahhh!

If all the people whose names are mentioned above
will e-mail me or write me (Joe Schaumburger,
18205 SW 94th Avenue, Miami, FL 33157) and
give me your mailing addresses your awards will be
mailed to you.

First prize is, as previously mentioned, a signed
copy of a Pratchett book.

Second prize, not previously announced, is an
imported turtle mosaic plaque, 10.5 inches in
diameter.

Everyone else will get a Special Mention Certificate
designed by our staff artist, suitable for framing.

Many thanks to all of the entrants and to the
excellent judging by our Bugarup University Regional
Society of Anagram Readers (B.U.R.S.A.R.),
from our Australian Continental Section.

-- Joe Schaumburger, editor (now known as Unca Joe,
a name no one has called me since my nephew Henry
was 3 years  old.)
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2) ANKH-MADRIZ 2003 -- SECOND KEVIN CON IN SPAIN

It's been more than a year since we Spanish Pratchett fans
happily adopted the name "kevin" and started moving things
to know each other "officially" (i.e., doing something other
than going to pubs and drinking suspicious stuff). Last
summer we had a little con in Madrid with about 70 people,
for a delightful day and a half, in which people played
little acts from Discworld Books on stage, sang some songs
which were loosely related to Discworld and I, particularly,
got quite ashamed at having to make a public speech. On the
whole, it went quite well.

So this year we thought about repeating the experience. The
planning has had to be done in a hurry, so we (and anyone
who happens to be in Ankh-Madrid and wishes to come) are
ready for anything that might be wrong, like having to move
some acts to the Retiro Park, which doesn't sound that much
unlikely.

The con will be held at August 2 and 3 in the San Juan
Evangelista student residence, where we encountered a strange
toga party last year. I swear I'll leave my Discworld pals
and go with the toga people if this happens again -- last
year the curiosity was overwhelming. We'll have GURPS, THUD!
and Cripple Mr Onion games, we'll see a rehearsal for the
"Guards! Guards!" play that will be on stage this fall in
Madrid, we'll have a speech from a representative of the
Great Ape Project about apes' rights and, since "Men at
Arms" has just hit the shelves around here, probably we'll
see quite a lot of people disguised as AMCW men. Well, it's
not togas, but cheap armor also has its something...

If I survive, of course, next month you'll have a lengthy
report on how it went, what went wrong, and how pretty is
Retiro Park at this time of the year. Just wish us luck...

-- MANU.
mavide@...
http://www.mundodisco.net/
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3) TERRY HAILED AS GENIUS BY A.S. BYATT

"Similarly, some of Ms. Rowling's adult readers are simply
reverting to the child they were when they read the Billy
Bunter books, or invested Enid Blyton's pasteboard kids
with their own childish desires and hopes. A surprising
number of people -- including many students of literature --
will tell you they haven't really lived in a book since
they were children. Sadly, being taught literature often
destroys the life of the books. But in the days before
dumbing down and cultural studies no one reviewed Enid
Blyton or Georgette Heyer - as they do not now review the
great Terry Pratchett, whose wit is metaphysical, who
creates an energetic and lively secondary world, who has a
multifarious genius for strong parody as opposed to
derivative manipulation of past motifs, who deals with
death with startling originality. Who writes amazing
sentences."

-- From a review by A.S. Byatt of HARRY POTTER AND
THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX by J.K. Rowling
in The New York Times on July 7, 2003.

For the full review, go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/07/07/opinion/07BYAT.html?
ex=1058759042&ei=1&en=20ed853494dbb080
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) GUARDS!  GUARDS! AT EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL

Wonderland Productions have announced their third Discworld
production at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  Terry Pratchett's
'Guards! Guards!' is being performed at C, venue 34, at 15:00,
from 30 July - 24th August 2003.

"We bewitched you with 'Wyrd Sisters' and marvelled you with
'Mort' -- come and be fire-blown out of your seats by
'Guards! Guards!', say the producers.
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WOSSNAME -- JULY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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5) BIG CHANGES AT THE COLLECTOR'S GUILD

As the world's leading supplier of Discworld figurines, The Collectors'
Guild has built up a great reputation among Discworld fans over the
years. Elton Murphy, the man in charge there, used to head the
Clarecraft Discworld Collectors' Guild and has even been known to throw
a party or three for thousands of Discworld fans over the years!

The great news is that Elton is now the owner of the company. There's a
slight change of name - it is now Collectors Gifts and has a new site at
http://www.CollectorsGifts.com/

Elton said, "This is an exciting, yet somewhat scary, time for me.
Fatherhood was thrust upon me in May and now this.

"Being in charge doesn't mean radical change. My brief before, under the
guidance of R and P Baker, was to always put the customer first. Because
of this, many of our customers are now personal friends of mine!

"The new website is a great step forward. Not only does it allow us to
offer a whole range of merchandise, but the inbuilt loyalty scheme and
product-pairing discounts means that it will offer even more to our
customers. Over the coming months, we have a lot of development work to
do and our customers will really benefit.

"Over the coming months, we will be visiting trade fairs and contacting
potential new suppliers. In the past, we have welcomed ideas from our
existing customers and I would like to invite any Discworld fan to let
us know if they would like to see any other ranges available on our
site."

Elton can be contacted via the online form on
http://www.CollectorsGifts.com or by emailing
elton@...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) DISCWORLD AUCTIONS

To the Editor:

This is a real quickie....

Much as it hurts me to see you all spend your money anywhere other than
Collectors Gifts, I thought that the Discworld auctions currently
taking place on our old auction site may interest some. And no, they've
got nothing to do with me!

http://www.discworldshop.com/cgi-bin/auction.cgi?category=discworld

We'll have a new competition for you soon and more offers (DW44 Death on
Binky is currently just 170 pounds!). Details to follow.....

http://www.collectorsgifts.com/

-- Elton Murphy
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) MONSTROUS REGIMENT CHANGES?

To the Editor:

Thanks to Drusilla for the review!

Any info or speculation about how far the Merkin version
will diverge from the One True British version? Apparently
The Truth got mangled in transit.

Are the Canadian versions of pterry's works the same
as the British versions?

-- Henry Polard

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) MELMEET, AUSTRALIA

MELMEET REPORT: COOKMEET
Date: 19th July 2003
Venue: SteVen's Eeevil Fortress Of Avoiding The Neighbours
(still in Melbourne, but possibly via a dimensional portal)
Present: Steven, Dru, Bek, Matt, Jeff, Big Mad Adrian
Special Guest: Ralph 'Wuffles' D'Aprano

The purpose of this meet was originally to hassle Big Mad
Adrian, who is an actor and local theatre producer and has
expressed interest in presenting The Truth in Melbourne next
year. To that end, Bek obtained a copy of the Stephen Briggs
stage adaptation -- yay Amazon! -- as an inspirational gift
for Big Mad Adrian (henceforth known as BMA) and it was
decided to lure him to the Fortress for a presentation.

As we were having a lunch meet, we also decided it was
time at last to hit Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, not least because
making Nanny's recipes at meets has been the *only* thing
the much-maligned 'Sinneysiders' (BU'ers from Sydney) held
over us in the friendly, healthy, open-hearted ~cough cough~
intercities rivalry. So boo-ya-sux to you, Sydmeeters, now
you'll have to come up with something *really* impressive
like getting your wizards' staffs to actually work :P

When all were present and Ralph was happily burying a
bone in the garden, we cooked Ponce da Quirm's Genuine
Howondaland Curry (not to be confused with Mrs Colon's
Genyooin Klatchian Curry) in two batches -- with nuclear
homegrown chillies and without, the latter being for the
wussy eaters among us who shall not be named. Once again,
Steven's cherished Dwarf Battle Muffin was carried out
and displayed; the Battle Muffin is now over 14 months
old and as robust as ever, and as fine a museum piece as
can be found in Fourecks. Over luncheon, we discussed
ideas for staging The Truth while Ralph begged unsuccessfully
under the table. If Ralph can be taught to "bite" on command,
he's a shoo-in for the part of Wuffles, even though he is a
middle-aged fat Cocker Spaniel rather than an elderly
terrier. Ah well, why not, look how much mileage the fat
middle-aged Roger Moore made out of pretending to be a
sexy secret agent! When all were sated, the menfolk made
manful attempts at changing the light bulb in the Fortress
waterfall, though the final results -- a sickly blue bulb that
gives it a rather cheesy look, like those paper umbrellas
served in cocktails at the Mended Drum - were less than
impressive.

After a long pause for more conversation and digestive salts,
out came the "piece o' resistin's": yes, the dreaded Strawberry
Wobbler! BMA turned pale and distinctly nervous-looking
at the sight of it, and single entendres abounded as it was
served, while Dru regaled the table with tales of a "bring a
banananana" party she'd once thrown, where some of the
humorous fruit sculptures would have made Gytha herself
blush. Well, a little...oh, all right, barely at all, but they
certainly made some of the lunchers blush!

Eventually BMA swanned off to see a friend in another play,
and Bek and Jeff headed off, leaving Matt, Steven and Dru
to the serious business of Scrabble. This time it was decided
that Discly names would be allowed, but sadly, none
cropped up until the end stages, where the players suddenly
got religion -- it's amazing how many points can be scored by
placing Io or Om in the right positions! Note: never play
Scrabble with Steven - he cheats. Mind you, he *still* ends
up losing...

Another good day. Dru's health permitting, soon there may
again be public MelMeets!

Cook's note: these Nanny Ogg recipes can be found on
p.42 (Howondaland Curry) and p.64 (Strawberry Wobbler)

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) BRISMEET, AUSTRALIA

Date: Unknown, maybe July 21, 2003
Venue: Brisbane? Manly?

Before Dru gets in with a demand, here's the Kathy
version of the BrisMeet. I caught the 10:00 train into
the city, and then another out to the bayside
suburb of Manly. First stop off the train was the loo.
It was a long trip!

Waiting at the exit was a young lady clutching a copy
of Pterry's "Soul Music", so I displayed my copy of
"The Truth" and we introduced ourselves. Peta had got
off the same train. After only a couple of minutes, anther
person with a book approached, this time "Men at Arms".

None of us had much idea of where anything was, so we
decided to wander in the general direction of the Bay,
and see what came along. We weren't sure where we
were going, but I had a badly printed map I'd downloaded,
so we managed to find the right area.

On the way, we discussed what we'd like for lunch and
settled on kebabs. This suited Peta, as she got her fave
vegetarian version. We sat for a while and after finishing
the food (outside table too, was warm enough (just) in the
sun) and took pictures, as both Jehane and I had cameras.

Then we just decided to go look for better scenery for more
pics, and also to find a nice person to take the pics as we
wanted all three of us in them. We then decided there wasn't
much point in wandering too much, and settled on a BBQ
table in the park, where we just talked lots!!

When the wind got a bit cool and time got a little short for
me, we headed back toward the station, stopping off on the
way to warm up a little with hot chocolates all round. Jehane
saw Peta and I onto the train, and headed back to her abode,
more talking occurred on the train, although the noise from a
multitude of schoolchildren tended to make conversation difficult!

Peta got off at her stop and I continued on to the city and
back out again to the West. All in all, I'm glad I managed to
overcome my agoraphobia enough to actually get out and meet
people! Both Peta and Jehane made me feel welcome, and I
enjoyed their company very much.

In a footnote, we did have a bit of a chuckle over the speed and
ease with which we organised our Meet, and doing so without
the benefit of a special list to help us!!

-- Simone K - resident anarchist and BrisMeeter.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- JULY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE -- SUMMER HEAT

The heat is making an assault on us, the exams are over
(for the moment) and people are going on holidays. As I write
these lines the future remains uncertain as Casanunda's
romances. The Wheels of Destiny turn and turn as if they
were a theme park feature, and at the end you don't know if the
most sensible thing would be to throw up or to search for the
coins that have been thrown from your pockets by centrifugal
force. All the things that aren't mutagenic are teratogenic
or cancerous. And the ones which aren't, they just hurt. Oh,
I forgot. Happy holidays.

21 March - 20 April
The Perhaps Gate

Tomorrow you'll get up from bed and all your problems will disappear
as if by magic. Everything will become easy for you, without
any complication, everything will be solvable just by moving a
finger. Even your loved one will see the growth of certain interesting
body parts. The dream ends here. The nightmare begins when you see
yourself in the mirror and see your face turning into The Librarian's.

21 April - 21 May
Gahoolie the Vase of Tulips

You've made a mistake. You know it, you feel it. This can't go on.
You have to mend it somehow, whatever it takes, but not now. Wait
for the right moment. Lurk in the walkway, merge yourself into
the wallpaper and conserve your energies. Sooner or later they'll
have to turn in, and then ... but not now. Wait. Any day now, those
idiots who sold you that strange newspaper you bought in a weak
moment will come back to your place, and then you'll be able to
take your revenge by biting their jugulars.

22 May - 21 June
The Two Fat Cousins

The heat will bring new and interesting friends to you, or, we
should say, it will bring you to new and interesting subhuman
lifeforms. Slightly illegal substances, lobotomizing music and
conversations at the troll bar level will fill your summer leisure
time, until you wish you were dead. And the funniest thing is
that you'll like it.

22 June - 22 July
Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

You won't get very far if you keep following the way you've chosen.
You've always suspected it, but now you know. You have to change or
you'll never reach your goals. Look for the right moment, the right
place: a lightning bolt, a nuclear power plant, a high voltage
cable... radioactive insects or meteor impact sites.  Just go to
archeology museums, sometimes the holy objects from long
forgotten cults are very useful in these cases. But, whatever you
do, don't go to Roundworld. You want to be a superhero, not a
horrible swamp thing...

23 July - 23 August
The Cow of Heaven

Every day the world is a more complicated place, an uglier one, and
this must change. You cannot keep tolerating the general laziness
with a false smile in your face while everything gets full of
parasites, sad reflections of forgotten people and beings that keep
pushing their misery around the world. When you moved (attracted
by the vistas and the tranquility) you didn't think that the place
would be so sordid and decadent, but it's been that way. The
ones who gave you advice were right. It's the time for you
to look for a job and stop hanging out with the Beggars' Guild.

24 August - 23 September
Mubbo the Hyena

Life has stopped looking apathy gray, and suddenly it shows live,
natural, shining colours. You're up to something, you feel it. The
Century of the Fruit Bat is upon us and the world's misery is turning
into something far better.  Float around in harmony with the
cosmos amidst funny coloured clouds and soft sitar melodies, and
everything will look like a festival day in Dunmanifestin.
Don't get me wrong, your daydreams are quite nice, but next
time you use rye bread for your sandwiches you should check first
to see that it hasn't developed interesting fungi...

24 September - 23 October
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

You'll meet very interesting people and you'll see yourself doing
things you didn't think you were able to. Soon those around you
will notice that you are changing, turning into someone better,
or at least into someone more original, and they'll cooperate with
you to make your dreams true in solidarity and harmony. And this
has nothing to do with that wizard's staff your new friends from
UU have lent you to help you dominate the world. It's just that they
like you. We ALL like you, OK? You just point that in some other
direction, will you?

24 October - 22 November
Okjock the Salesman

Something terrible will happen very close to you and you won't be
able to avoid it. Your world will stop revolving. Things that you never
thought possible will keep passing in front of your eyes.
Suddenly your family, the ones you felt sure about, will be full
of horrible things which could make even Foul Ole Ron turn around
and run. And you can do nothing, absolutely nothing, to avoid it.
Oh God, why? Why did you give Granny Weatherwax such a
hard time?

23 November - 21 December
The Overworked Orang-Utang

You are feeling well. Life smiles on you, or at least it's making a
toothy grimace and you choose to think it's a smile. You feel
able to do everything; the rest of the people are only sad ants
by your feet, poor things that you could crush if you wanted.
No one can stop you now. Because at last, after all those years,
you have gotten permission to use Hex, the Disc's main
computer.  But don't crush those ants -- they're what makes
the computer work!

22 December - 20 January
The Celestial Parsnip

You mustn't be locked into yourself. You mustn't hide all those
wonders we all know you have inside. It's time to open yourself
and show the world the things you were keeping hidden for so long.
Just don't do it in public, or someone will call the Watch.

21 January - 18 February
The Knotted String

The world has suddenly changed. Surprises come after other surprises
and nothing is as you thought it was, as it used to do until a couple
of days ago. You're changing, or maybe the rest of the world is
changing around you, but the point is that you don't seem to fit in
as before. You try to live your life as if nothing had happened,
but you feel it's useless, and you try anyway. And it gets worse.
People just don't make it easy. Everyone can see. It's a nightmare
you cannot wake up from. You cannot sleep, in fact. And the reason
is that you can't fit into your bed, not even into your home. Now
that you are a giant 45 feet dragon, you feel so depressed that
this afternoon you'll eat Ankh-Morpork just to get some attention.

19 February - 20 March
The Flying Moose

You need to avoid conflicts somehow. You don't want to face things.
No matter what happens or what you get told, you just put on a
distracted smile and look the other way. You don't want to attract
notice. Not now. Everybody is right, every idea is interesting,
everything's all right. Look as if nothing was happening. They must
not know the truth, you can't face them. Not now. Relax. Just relax.
The little men in the white coats will be here soon ...

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  MASKERADE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
the spot shown.    Read the letters backwards and
discover who is terrorizing the Opera House.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1997 HarperPrism edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Nanny Ogg's publisher (last name, 4th letter)
2. The Opera House Music Director (last name, 1st letter)
3. The Opera House Rat Catcher (last name, 2nd letter)
4. Real name of Senor Enrico Basilica (first name, 1st letter)
5. Feline fake nobleman (last name, 1st letter)
6. Undercover organ player (first name, 1st letter)
7. A young pretty singer who Perdita sings for (first name, 3rd letter)
8. The Opera House Chorus Master (last name, 4th letter)
9. A very odd odd-job man (last name, 1st letter)
10. New owner of the Opera House (first name, 5th letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/  =  Terror of the Opera House
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: INTERESTING TIMES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. The new emperor (last name, 4th letter)
        COHEN = E
2. Purveyor of Hundred-Year-Old-Eggs in Hunghung (1st letter)
        DIIBHALA-SAN = D
3. One of Twoflower's daughters, the realist (6th letter)
        BUTTERFLY = R
4. A noble who wants to be emperor (2nd letter)
        LORD HONG = O
5. Elderly barbarian who fights in his wheelchair (last name, 1st  letter)
        MAD HAMISH = H
6. An Agatean cannon (1st name, 3rd letter)
        BARKING DOG = R
7. A spy and agent provocateur for #4 above (last name, 2nd letter)
        TWO FIRE HERB = E
8. Teach (last name, 3rd letter)
        RONALD SAVELOY = V
9.  Master of Protocol (2nd name, 1st letter)
        TWO LITTLE WANG = L
10. Langtang Collector of Revenues (1st name, 2nd letter)
        SIX BENEFICENT WINDS = I
11. Twoflower's other daughter, the optimist (1st name, 5th letter)
        LOTUS BLOSSOM = S

_E/_D/_R/_O/_H/_R/_E/_V/_L/_I/_S/   = Conquerors of the Agatean Empire
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/*10/*11/      =  SILVER HORDE

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THEATRE REVIEWS: MEN AT ARMS

WATCHMEET REPORT #1

Date: 21st August 2003
Venue: Theatreworks, St Kilda, Melbourne, XXXX
Attending: Bek, Matt, Dru, Steven, Hania, David Hopkins
(yes, the real one and original Ref, out of hiding)

A few weeks ago, Steven spotted a poster advertising a
production of Men At Arms and informed all and sundry.
Show dates were all but one weekdays, and as the "core"
MelMeeters were unable to make it on the one Saturday, a
number of those who'd expressed interest were unable to go,
mostly due to having to work for a living - not that the
rest of us don't, but Melbourne is a big place and 19.30
an early time - hence the smaller complement. In the event,
I am saddened to have to report, those who missed it were
lucky. Particularly Big Mad Adrian, who kept getting delayed
and finally rang us at the very last minute to report he was
unable to come at all; being a *real* actor and local theatrical
producer, I think he might have grown so inflamed that we'd
have needed to call the real-life Watch!

This was easily the shortest (for most of us) MelMeet of all,
owing to most of those who *did* come having to get up early
for work the next day. We went to the venue, watched the play,
exchanged horrified comments afterwards, and that was pretty
much it for all but Hania, Steven and Dru who went out for a
lovely late meal afterwards. Sigh.

I tried to find ways of saying something good about this production
of Stephen Briggs' adaptation of Men At Arms, because it's
always a cause for celebration when a Discworld play is performed
publicly, but the sad truth is that this company shouldn't have
bothered (and the sadder truth is that there may be some Bugarup
Uni members who won't be speaking to me after they read this,
since most of the cast are friends of theirs!). Apart from some
very questionable casting - the part of Vimes was played by a
chap who was the spitting image of Boba Fett's father in Attack
of the Clones, "Carrot" was tubby enough to be a believable
Colon, "Nobby" was a girl!** and the role of Narrator was taken
by a mumsy woman who was far too obviously paralysed with stage
fright to remember most of her lines - the players gave the
impression that there had only been a few rehearsals and that
most of the cast had barely troubled themselves to show up for
those. Timing was mainly terrible, which combined with the many
muffed lines and missed cues to destroy most of the trademark
Pterry satire and funny bits. The best, or should I say least
awful, characters were "Vetinari"'s hands (very believable, shame
about the rest of him), Death (who at least had a DECENT SENSE OF
TIMING, but then he *ought* to, muhahahaha) and Detritus, and the
best-played scene, actually raising a few laughs, was the one in
which the new recruits take the oath of allegiance and the King's
Shilling. Your chronicler found herself wishing for the appearance
of a fruit-throwing Librarian to liven up the proceedings. Sadly,
none arrived to save the day.

I found out afterwards that the cast were mostly Uni students and
that the audience contained many friends and family of same, which
at least explained the occasional applause but in no way serves
as an excuse since the price of admission was about the same as it
is for Big Mad Adrian's far more professional productions. I won't
shame the theatre company by naming it, especially as we were far
from the only attendees who came away with disgruntled expressions,
but I will say that Discworld plays require a great deal of
Suspenders of Disbelief application and should therefore not be
tried by, well civilians.

A disappointing time was had by all. Better luck next time!

** yes, we all know about Beti, and about the traffic duty, but this
was different

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin, unfortunate bearer of bad news
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

WATCHREPORT #2: ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW

Men At Arms: The Play

On Thursday 21st August, the small group of Bek, David, Dru, Hania Ogg,
Matt, and Your Humble Narrator travelled to trendy St Kilda in Melbourne
to watch Stephen Briggs' adaptation of Terry Pratchett's "Men At Arms" by
Subject To Change Theatre Company.

Others have already reviewed this play, but I would like to give a
dissenting opinion. True, the acting was extremely amateurish and many of
the cast kept muffing their lines. I can't deny that the set was minimal
to the point of ridiculousness -- when a group of university students
can't even get an empty bottle of vodka or whiskey to use as a prop, you
know that there is something terribly wrong with the world! It would be
pointless for me to even try to pretend that their timing was off for much
of the night.

But nevertheless, I had a great time.

Even though they didn't bring much in the way of props or skill to the
roles, the actors did manage to portray their love of the story to the
audience. Andrew Finegan as Vimes was perhaps not right for the role, but
he was dour and that's a start. Louise Zanon as the Voice of the Footnotes
was cheerfully enthusiastic and brought great energy to her role, although
it took me about half the play to realise that her frequent pauses weren't
because she had forgotten her lines, but because she was attempting
Timing. Christine Curtain as Angua managed to capture the perfect look of
horror, shock and fear that shone like a beacon for one brief moment from
an otherwise merely acceptable performance.

If I refrain from mentioning the other actors, it's not because they were
especially worse than the three I do mention, but because it would be
churlish of me to spend much more time on criticism. In fairness, it was
the group's very first play.

It might be damning with faint praise, but I see promise in Subject To
Change. With a few more plays under their belts, they might become
Adequate, and from there, who knows, perhaps even Not Too Bad.

But let's face facts: we did not go to see the play because we expected
to see the Royal Shakespeare Company. We went to see Pratchett's
story, and they delivered. Men At Arms is such a strong story, and Briggs'
adaption is so good, that even a rank amateur performance didn't ruin it.
The Discworld stories are extremely difficult to do, so we have to give
Subject To Change some points for not being afraid to dive straight into
the fire, and Pratchett himself full marks for the original story.

-- Steven D'Aprano

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: FEET OF CLAY
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
the spot shown.   Read the letters backwards and
discover who the Watch is searching for.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1996 HarperPrism edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Upstairs Maid at the Patrician's Palace (first name, 1st letter)
2. A small rat catcher for restaurants (first name, 2nd letter)
3. First golem member of the Watch (5th letter of name)
4. A doctor and doper of racehorses (first name, 2nd letter)
5. Vampire head of the A-M College of Heralds (4th letter of title)
6. A troll potter (2nd letter of name)
7. Curator of A-M Dwarf Bread Museum (last name, 6th letter)
8. First declared female dwarf member of the Watch (last name, 2nd letter)
9. Patrician's personal clerk (last name, 5th letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ =  Who the Watch was looking for
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: MASKERADE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. Nanny Ogg's publisher (last name, 4th letter)
        GOATBERGER = T
2. The Opera House Music Director (last name, 1st letter)
        SALZELLA = S
3. The Opera House Rat Catcher (last name, 2nd letter)
        POUNDER = O
4. Real name of Senor Enrico Basilica (first name, 1st letter)
        HENRY = H
5. Feline fake nobleman (last name, 1st letter)
        GRIBEAU = G
6. Undercover organ player (first name, 1st letter)
        ANDRE = A
7. A young pretty singer who Perdita sings for (first name, 3rd letter)
        CHRISTINE = R
8. The Opera House Chorus Master (last name, 4th letter)
        UNDERSHAFT = E
9. A very odd odd-job man (last name, 1st letter)
        PLINGE = P
10. New owner of the Opera House (first name, 5th letter)
        SELDOM = O

T_/S_/O_/H_/G_/A_/R_/E_/P_/O_/  =  Terror of the Opera House
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/   =   OPERA GHOST

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

12) THE DISC HOROSCOPE, OR LACK OF IT

We regret to inform you that Lady Aranluc, our beautiful and
peerless Discworld Horoscoper, has gone off on vacation
and could not be reached, even by the Great Wizard Manu.

To our readers all we can say is that we're sorry and suggest
that you make no major changes in your life till she returns.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
August 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 8)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) TROLL BRIDGE: THE MOVIE
2) NEW DISCWORLD NOVEL FOR 2004
3) TERRY'S US TOUR DATES 2003
4) PRATCHETT'S INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS SALES

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) BUFFY IN DISCWORLD
6) ANY SOUL MUSIC EXPERTS AROUND?
7) MORT IN CANADA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8) THE INAUGURAL DARWINMEET, AUSTRALIA
9) BRISMEET, AUSTRALIA

====Part 3

10) THEATRE REVIEWS: MEN AT ARMS
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: FEET OF CLAY
12) THE DISC HOROSCOPE, OR LACK OF IT
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) TROLL BRIDGE: THE MOVIE

Now being filmed, Troll Bridge is a short-story written by
Terry Pratchett which was originally included in the anthology
After the King: Stories in Honor of J.R.R. Tolkien. Set on the
Discworld, it features the world's last barbarian hero (at the age
of eighty-seven) facing his ultimate challenge yet: to defeat a troll
in combat. Things, of course, don't go as planned. Troll Bridge
  is now being adapted into a short film by Snowgum,
a non-profit organization based in Melbourne, Australia.
For more details, and to see shots of the film in production,
go to: http://www.snowgumfilms.com/tb.htm

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) NEW DISCWORLD NOVEL FOR 2004

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, reports:

Terry's second Tiffany Aching novel is to be called A HAT FULL OF
SKY.   Granny Weatherwax features much more in this book than she did
in WEE FREE MEN.   It will be published simultaneously in Britain and
the US at the end of April or beginning of May 2004.

Terry is guest of honour at Worldcom in 2004.  A collection of his
short stories and other short writings will be published to mark the
event.

(Editorial Note:  I'm sure Colin meant to say WorldCon, since
Worldcom is a big American media conglomerate, many of whose
executives are now being indicted for fraud (?) by the US government.
On the other hand, Worldcon 62/Noreascon 4, will be held from
September 2 - 6, 2004 in Boston, MA in the USA and Terry is
listed as one of two Guests of Honor, along with William Tenn.)
For more information, contact info@... or their
website at www.noreascon.org.)

(Since Terry will also be the Guest of Honour at Discworld
Convention 2004 from August 20-23, 2004, it looks like he will
have a busy time of it.)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) TERRY'S US TOUR DATES 2003

News from HarperCollins' website suggests some provisional dates
for Terry's US tour.  Bear in mind that the details are likely to
change as details are fleshed out.  We will include a more
definitive list when the details are sorted.
-- courtesy of DW Monthly

Wednesday, October 01, 2003 07:30 PM

- BORDERS,
   612 East Liberty Street,
   Ann Arbor, MI 48104
   Tel: 734-668-7652

Thursday, October 09, 2003 08:00 PM

- MYSTERIOUS GALAXY BOOKS,
    7051 Clairemont Mesa Boulevard Suite 302,

   San Diego, CA 92111 
    Tel: 858-268-4747

Saturday, October 11, 2003 07:30 PM

- BARNES & NOBLE,
   3600 Stevens Creek Blvd.,
    San Jose, CA 95117
   Tel: 408-984-3495

Tuesday, October 14, 2003 07:00 PM

- BARNES & NOBLE,
   33 E. 17th St.,
   New York, NY 10003
   Tel: 212-253-0810
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  4) PRATCHETT'S INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS SALES

On the rights front, Colin reports:

- Marjan Tisak are buying Croatian rights in Sourcery, Wyrd Sisters,
   Pyramids and Guard! Guards!

- Vuzev are acquiring Bulgarian rights in The Last Hero.

- Proszynski (Poland) are publishing the Thieves Guild Diary for
   2004.

- Kinneret-Zmora-Dvir are acquiring Hebrew rights in Soul Music and
   Interesting Times.

- Psychogios are taking a licence for the Greek rights in Sourcery
   and Wyrd Sisters.

- Temas & Dabates are planning to published Portuguese editions of
   Sourcery, Wyrd Sisters, Pyramids and Guards! Guards!

- The Unadulterated Cat will be published in French by City Editions
   of Montesson.

- Netopejr are going to publish a Czech edition of Guards! Guards!
   The Big Comic.

- Noesis will be publishing a Romanian edition of Mort.

- Talpress will be publishing a collection of Terry's short stories
   in Czech.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) BUFFY IN DISCWORLD

Hi, Y'all-

I don't normally go for fanfic--I can't stand the idea of possibly
running into something horrible that someone has done to a favorite.

This one sounded too bizarre not to look at. So I looked. It's my
take that the author's pretty bright and has the Buffy dialogue down
really well, a notch or two better than her Discworld bits. The
Discworld bits aren't _bad_ but the Buffy bits are pretty good.

What about you guys?

-- Stacie L. Hanes (esmeraldus@...)

Madame D'Afanguin wanders in from her usual Bugarup University
haunts to say "well bugger me, it really is rather a decent
piece, and better than most of the themefic by people who were
actually *paid* to write. I'd give it at least 4.5 outta
six..."

You can read it at: http://www.user.shentel.net/kkatee/btvs/demons1.html

6) ANY SOUL MUSIC EXPERTS AROUND?

To the Editor:

Hi. Been reading Soul Music again. Have several questions
but the one I'll ask first is how do Nobs and Colon know that
Susan is Death and call her Susan Death? Susan doesn't
even know herself who she is 'related' to until Death of Rats visits.
And I doubt it is something you can look up in any records office.

Second question: Is there something meaningfull about the guitar
having 12 strings instead of the 6 that are on today's guitars?
What is the signifigance of the chalked on number 1. What myth
did Pratchett borrow from, if any, for this guitar? Where could I get
more information on the rituals cultures used when making their
instruments? Is there an answer to the 'I wonder who the first owner
was' question? :-))

-- guitargoddess@...

7) MORT IN CANADA

To the Editor:

I am directing Stephen Brigg's adaptation of "MORT"
in March 2004.   I am trying to discover if we are the first
time the play has been done in Canada.   Mr. Briggs
was unable to remember, so I thought that the next best
place to look would be with The North American
Discworld Society.   Do you know anyone that might have
this bit of trivia?

--Graham A. Yeates
Director of KWLT's 2004 Amateur production of
Terry Pratchett's "Mort", as adapted for the stage
by Stephen Briggs.
March 11-13 & 18-20, 2004

To the Editor:

I live in Canada, and am interested in this play. But I live north of
Toronto, and if the play is too far from me I won't be able to see it.
I did a web search for KWLT but couldn't find any info about where (or
what) it is.
Please forward this to Graham Yeates for more info, if possible.

-- John Martin
john.j.martin@...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) THE INAUGURAL DARWINMEET, AUSTRALIA

Where: Various places around Darwin, Australia
When: Thursday 7 August, pretty much all day
Who: Jehane and Mogg (visiting)

Prelude...
Mogg arrives in Darwin following an Ecksian Outback
Adventure Bus Tour (TM), and of course finds an
internet cafe first thing in order to see whether
Jehane, who had been in Brisbane, had replied to a
proposal for a DarwinMeet.  The answer being in
affirmative, phone calls are made and a meeting time
arranged.  Plans are to go to the Nothern Territory
Wildlife Park, the Berry Springs for a swim and finish
up with take-away curry from the Mindil Beach Market,
watching the sun go down while sitting on the beach.

Two days later...
Mogg, lurking suspiciously without the official
approved Meet recognition equipment (Pterry books
having been left at home), receives a plaintive phone
call "I can't find your hotel!"  Directions given
proved remarkably good considering they were given by
someone who lives several thousand kilometres from the
meeting point, and 10 minutes later, Jehane arrives.

We check each other out for symptoms of being
axe-murderers, and find each other to look at least
externally sane.

We set out for the wildlife park, and Mogg becomes
slightly embarrassed as it dawns on her that the
proposed destination proves to be approximately 60km
out of town.  However Jehane is the soul of
hospitality and quite happily allows Mogg to take
photos of every living creature encountered plus a
sign thought suitable for putting on the gates of
Ankh-Morpork, ride on the rather naff golf-buggy train
thing, experiment with brolgas (6-foot tall grey birds
which look a bit like storks, for those who don't
know) and their ability to peck toes through a chain
link fence, and moan quietly about the heat.  Other
topics of conversation include road signs, the
weather, BU list personalities, which city of
Australia has the nicest river, scary food stories.  A
certain English author and his works were occasionally
referred to.

The next stop is Berry Springs, a very nice spot to
have a swim.  The stand-out conversation here is as
follows:
Mogg: "What do you think is making those bubbles, just
over there?  A turtle?"
Jehane: "Yeah, or maybe a fish.  But... this is
August, isn't it?"
Mogg: "Yes.  Why?"
Jehane: "August is freshwater crocodile breeding
season."
Mogg: "I thought freshwater crocodiles were timid and
stayed away from humans and only came out at night!"
Jehane: "Yeeeeeees, normally, but...let's just move
away, shall we?"

We head back to Darwin, and as Mogg now needs get
changed before going to the market, Jehane very
patiently sits and waits and is introduced to a
succession of backpackers who come to borrow Mogg's
bathroom (apparently the water was off at the hostel),
look at photos, present bottles of wine, or just say
hello and goodbye.  Eventually we set off for the
market with the bottle of wine and an addition to the
party - Veronique, a Belgian backpacker, who is quite
stunned that either of us would arrange to meet a
person we only knew via the Internet.  We explain that
BU List members were only known to murder each other
in a virtual, high-spirited, all-part-of-the-fun kind
of manner, and that nobody of importance had ever been
found bound and gagged in a remote forest as a result
of a Meet.

Jehane proves her worth yet again by producing a
picnic rug, to which all and sundry backpackers in
Darwin known to Mogg from her previous trip
immediately gravitate (it may be the bottle of wine
they are gravitating to).  We wander around the market
and eat various foodstuffs including the famous croc
satay, while watching a beautiful sunset, and have
just enough time to appreciate the wonders of nature
etc. etc. before Jehane has to disappear to a music
lesson.

So endeth the inaugural DarwinMeet.  A fine time had by
all, and Jehane may have convinced a native
Melbournian that occasionally sunny warm weather is
better than grey skies and rain.

-- Mogg
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) BRISMEET, AUSTRALIA

Where: Manly, Brisbane, Australia
When: Monday 21 July, 2003
What: Lunch and hot chocolate
Who: Kathy, Peta and Jehane (visiting from interstate)
How: Train and foot
Why: Why not?

Jehane: I'm going to be in Manly.  How about a
Brismeet?
Kate: OK, how about lunch?  My train gets there about
11.30.
Peta: Sounds good.  [1]

And so, with a minimum of the fuss that usually seems
to accompany meets down south, a Brismeet was
organised.  Being my first Pterrymeet, and the first
time I had ever met people I only knew online, I was a
little nervous.  But having travelled nearly 3000km to
attend my first meet, I wasn't about to let the
possibility that Kathy and Peta were axe-murderers
stop me.  After all, we'd all promised to leave our
axes at home...  So I grabbed Men At Arms and my
camera and set off for the train station.

Arriving at Manly station, I could see two people
standing on the platform.  Spotting the familiar Josh
Kirby covers about their persons, I waved mine in
greeting.  Introductions were made all round, and we
set off (courtesy of Kathy's foresight in bringing a
map) in the general direction of the Esplanade in the
hope of finding lunch.

We soon found a kebab place that all were happy to eat
at, and got ourselves a table outside, munching kebabs
and listening for interesting conversations through
Kathy's radio.  Sadly, the aliens didn't choose to
communicate with us that day.  Some photos were taken,
but in the absence of any passersby, we took it in
turns to take pictures.

Continuing down to the Esplanade, we walked along the
foreshore before deciding to seek shelter from the
winter sun.  (Are the Victorians jealous yet?)  We
managed to waylay a passerby to take photos, then sat
at a picnic table to discuss the list, politics, the
list, books, the list, life, the list...Pterry may
have been mentioned at some point.

The fourth member of our meet chose to make an
entrance at this point.  [see attachment] (Ed:
Sorry, we don't do attachments). He/she was
soon joined by companions, in spite of the fact that
we had no food.  Finding ourselves under siege, we
decided to move along and started heading back to the
train station.

Stopping for a coffee, we all proceeded to order hot
chocolates (thank you Kathy!), and more photos were
taken.  It was then time to return to the train
station, and the conclusion of another successful
Brismeet.

[1] OK, this wasn't the *exact* conversation...

-- Jehane
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
September 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 9A)

*************************************************************
S P E C I A L    B U L L E T I N   September 8, 2003
*************************************************************

WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.   Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.   Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every so often we get news of a DW happening that
doesn't quite fit into our regular publishing schedule,
and when we can, we try to alert our readers to it
in time for them to attend.

Here's the latest:

GUARDS! GUARDS! PERFORMANCE IN CALIFORNIA
WILL START ON SEPTEMBER 26TH

        The Mental Eclectic theater group will perform
Terry Pratchett's "Guards! Guards!" adapted for the stage
by Stephen Briggs on  September 26, 27 and October 3, 4,
2003. 
        All shows are at 8 PM at the Upland Theatre located at 601 5th Ave.,
Upland, CA 91786.  Tickets are $8 at the door but presale tickets
are available at a discounted rate of $6.  Please visit the website at <A
HREF="http://orrweb.net/guards/index.php">
http://orrweb.net/guards/index.php</A> for all the details. 

        The Mental Eclectic is an ensemble of actors, writers, and
other artists dedicated to the pursuit of success of expression in
all artistic mediums. The Mental Eclectic is determined, passionate,
and focused on creating experiences and exposure for its ensemble
members. The Mental Eclectic is an ensemble whose goal is to build
a home for local artists to begin their journey and explore their
dreams, transforming those dreams into tangible results.

-- Jennifer
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

If any of our many Calfornia members get to see the play, we'd
appreciate a report.

- Joe Schaumburger, editor
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) MEN AT ARMS: ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW

To the Editor:

I just wanted to say that I too saw Subject To
Change's version of Men At Arms. Although I do have a
vested interest (almost everyone involved is a friend
- or possibly fiend - of mine, and some of the others
I know as well), I have to say that it was most
certainly not the Entertainment Experience I most
regret.

(BTW, the Entertainment Experience I do most regret
was watching "The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps." And
that cost me more than Men At Arms, not to mention
several irrecoverable hours of my life.)

Despite the amateur acting, overly minimal props and
set (the lack of a whisky bottle was accidental -
there was a prop, which Vimes forgot to take on
stage!) I did, in fact, quite enjoy the show. Despite
the hamminess and the muffed lines (no worse than some
episodes of Doctor Who, an ostensibly professional TV
show with a cult following) the story and jokes were
resilient.

In my limited experience of Terry Pratchett theatre
adaptations (I've seen two) this was the best - or at
least not the worst. Not a ringing endorsement, but I
enjoyed it more than several other amateur shows put
on by far more experienced actors, directors and
producers.

That said, I live for the day when someone puts on a
*really good* Terry Pratchett play!

-- David Hopkins, Retired Ref
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) SOUL MUSIC EXPERT REPLIES

To the Editor:

> Hi. Been reading Soul Music again. Have several questions
> but the one I'll ask first is how do Nobs and Colon know that
> Susan is Death and call her Susan Death?

They've been on duty in a sometimes-death-defying career (also they've
been soldiers) so they have developed an ability to perceive things that
are Real.

> Second question: Is there something meaningful about the guitar
> having 12 strings instead of the 6 that are on today's guitars?

12 string guitars are available and have been for some time.  They take
some special playing techniques, namely, skill and practice.  What's weird
is that the guitar is also an electric guitar, and I think 12 string
electrics are a little harder to find.  The result is that it shouldn't be
so easy to play.

> What is the signifigance of the chalked on number 1.

It's the Very First Musical Instrument, which produced the Very First
Musical Note.

>  What myth did Pratchett borrow from, if any, for this guitar?

Probably something Pythagorean.  They were big on music.

> Where could I get more information on the rituals cultures used when
> making their instruments?

Anthropology books.

> Is there an answer to the 'I wonder who the first owner
> was' question? :-))

Yes.  Consider that it was the Very First Music.  There may be more
information at <http://www.lspace.org>.

> -- guitargoddess@...

-- Tamar
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) WHAT TERRY DOES WITH OLD DRAFTS

To the Editor:

A certain penguin often points out to me that I'm
atypical for my not wanting to know most of the
behind-the-scenes stuff relating to other creative
artists. I generally dislike listening to actors
describing their  feelings about a character they've
played, or filmmakers telling just how many takes
it required to get a particular fluid-looking scene to
look fluid, or novellists describing the genesis and
development of a beloved-by-moi book. I just want to
revel in the finished product, like plucking ripe fruit
from  a tree.

--- notadeadparrot@...

I suspect Pterry also agrees, at least as a writer.
Didn't he once say that once the final draft was sent
off that he deleted all the old drafts, never to be
analysed by literary researchers?  I will admit that I
like to see how special effects are done, but that's
more about the technical aspect, while artistic
endeavours (the acting/writing process) I prefer to
leave unknown.

-- jehane13@...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) BELLYMEET REPORT

Date: 26th September 2003
Venue: The Fortress Of Avoi (as it's mistakenly named in the
    BU Dictionary...)
Attending: Dru, Bek, Matt, Paulwolf, Lora, Mogg
Almost attending: SteVen

This MelMeet had a bit of a run-up earlier in the week when
Bek rang and asked me to meet her for lunch downtown on the
Wednesday; as I was making my way there, Bek suddenly was
struck with inspiration and managed to rope in BU's Head of
Technomancy, the rarely-seen Jase. Between us we turned his
45-minute lunch break into nearly a two-hour one. As I hadn't
seen Jase in person for over a year, we had a great time terorising
the passersby together. The coffee at Druids should carry a
government health warning though -  I didn't stop buzzing
until the following morning...

On the Friday, Bek, Matt, Lora and Paul arrived at the Fortress
at the ungodsly hour of 11.45. Lora immediately offered to
help with the final lunch preparations and discovered to her
chagrin that salad-tossing would *not* be a good career choice.
Mogg arrived a few minutes later and we got down to the
serious business of lunch. Matt wisely suggested we set aside
some of the Famous Spuds for SteVen. Good job we did, as
they disappeared in a flurry of stabbing forks in record time.

After lunch came the Viewing Of The Documents. First, in my
capacity as WOSSNAME Anagrams Mistress, I proudly displayed
the Anagrams Contest winners' certificate which I co-designed
with our departing Art Director, Rhett Pennell [1]. Then I passed
around the postcard that Dianne had sent us from her Outback
holiday, and everyone took turns at attempting to translate
her handwriting - I'm sure she is descended from the original
builders of the Stargate. We discussed Pirates of the Carribean
and how Johnny Depp's portrayal of Jack Sparrow proves he's
the *only* actor who could bring Greebo's human incarnation
to life. And finally, when the food had settled and Paul had
finished ransacking the contents of SteVen's library, we got
down to the floor show. Yes, that's right, for the first time ever,
a MelMeet lunch featured live entertainment by a member of
BU. And what a floor show it was! Our departing-for-her-
gap-year temptress of the Chambers, our own Apprentice Tomb
Raider Lora Craft, is an accomplished belly dancer and had
come armed with diaphanous costume and a CD of traditional
Klatchian music! And faster than you could say "the lovely
Beti", she changed and treated us to a demonstration of the
mysterious dances of the mystic East (or Sunbury, in Lora's
case). It was wonderful to see, for its own sake and also because
we usually know Lora in Real Life(TM) as a fairly demure
and unassuming young lady. By the time she finished, Matt and
Paul were plum-faced and cross-eyed and SteVen was rushing
home from the office in the hope of catching part of the
performance, or at least Lora in her cossie...unfortunately,
being as late as usual, he only arrived in time to see everyone
driving off down the street. But he did appreciate the spuds
we left him!

Although Lora no longer has internet access, she will be around
for a while, so we are hoping to have a composite BirthdayMeet
since several of us have birthdays in the next six weeks.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin


[1] OK, so I just wrote the text in medieval Discworldese.  Rhett did
all the beautiful drawings and designs.

THE MAN WHO (ALMOST) CAME TO DINNER

The Fortress of Avoiding the Neighbours hosted a MelMeet today,
apparently, or so I gather from the scrubbing and tidying frenzy that
Dru has been in for the last couple of days. I'm told that Mogg,
Libwolf, Matt, Bek and Lora the Belly Dancing Fiend attended, but as I
was at work I didn't actually see what happened at the Meet. Whatever
it was, it terrified my cat, who is now having counselling for
post-traumatic stress syndrome.

I managed to get the afternoon off, and rang the Fortress at 2pm to tell
them I was on my way. Mogg had to return to work at the hospital, some
ridiculous hospital rule about not leaving patients on operating tables
for more than a few hours at a time I suppose, so I told everyone else
I was on the way and not to eat all the roast potatoes.

Rushing home through the hordes of barbarian football supporters dressed
entirely in black and white, I arrived just in time to see Libwolf,
Matt, Bek and Lora tearing off down the street in a great rush to get
away before I arrived back home. And they had eaten all the roast
potatoes. Most of them anyway.

But that's okay, because even though I missed out on the company and
good fellowship and Lora in her semi-transparent belly dancing costume,
I did get to morosely pick at the wilted left-over salad and think
about all the nights I'll have to work back late to catch up on the
jobs I left undone in order to be with the gang. So everyone had a good
time!
-- Steven D'Aprano

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) STRANGE RECIPES THAT NANNY OGG MISSED
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Another wonderful new feature!  Recipe contributions
cheerfully invited.

DRU'S FAMOUS SPUDS

Dissolve 4 chicken stock cubes in 1/2 cup boiling water. Add
in 1 tablespoon each of dried Rosemary and dried Oregano
and leave for at least 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, part-cook a lot of peeled, quartered potatoes. Set aside.

Peel and crush at least 5 large cloves of garlic into the stock
mixture. Add 1/3 cup Olive Oil.

Toss potatoes in the mixture in a large bowl. Bake in a hot oven
(over 200C) for 30 minutes or until crisp and starting to get
BCBs. Serve and enjoy!

NB: this also works with beef stock or lamb stock.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

UNCA JOE'S RIVER ANKH OATMEAL

Put 1/2 cup of oatmeal in 1 cup of water and boil for
4 minutes.  Add 2 tablespoons of soy sauce (or lite
soy sauce if you prefer).  Boil for another minute,
stirring with a spoon.  You will get a dish that
looks like you fished it right out of the Ankh -- murky
brown liquid with lumps of stuff floating in it.  But
taste it -- it's delicious.  Really.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) YOUR LONG-AWAITED DISC HOROSCOPE

A SANE MIND IN A SOUND BODY --
WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE?

Your sense of chronic laziness is back, and it wants to do
something for your inner life. For your stomach, to be honest.
In order to let you begin the Fall properly (or something), I've
checked the stars to find the good advice about dietetics,
health and general well-being that you need. Here we
go!

21 March - 20 April
The Perhaps Gate

All your health problems will be resolved if you just follow this daily
diet strictly: for breakfast, seven eggs, fried in pig fat, half a pound of
bacon and twelve vole-and-pork sausages with ketchup. For lunch,
just repeat the breakfast menu, only adding some more meats
and a pound or two of spareribs with BBQ sauce. You can have
any kind of commercial candies or exotic-flavoured french fries for
dessert, provided you wash them down with scumble. And for supper,
just repeat the breakfast menu with any kind of cheese and a lot
of wine. A few weeks of following this diet will guarantee you'll
never have to worry about your health (or for anything else) again,
because you'll be quite dead, with your arteries more clogged
than the River Ankh.

21 April - 21 May
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

Your haven't been feeling too well lately, and the blame falls on
your weakness for eating healthy food. Your immune system is
not getting any exercise, and you'll regret that in due time.  Just
get your place's floor clean with your tongue at least once a week,
for a good infection has never done any harm to anyone (well, in fact it
has, but who asked you) and remember that which doesn't kill you
makes you stronger, and after this you'll be like Captain Carrot.

22 May - 21 June
The Two Fat Cousins

The fruits of the forest are the solution to all your problems. They
are very healthy, very tasty, very difficult to find and damn sticky,
so they'll keep you busy for a long time. And they are also very good
for your bowels, so you will a lot of time to ponder the meaning
of life while you are having introspective moments. Strawberry, blackberry,
raspberry ... anything ending in -berry. (And, answering the unspoken
male question: yes, Halle Berry goes into the pack, if you can
manage to talk her into letting you bite her.)

22 June - 22 July
Wezen, the Two-Headed Kangaroo

The best thing for you is to have some of that nice yogurt
with bio-stuff inside, you know, those tiny thingies that... No,
I cannot do this to my readership.  If you open a yogurt and
see anything climbing the walls, struggling to get out, well,
that can't be good. Live things in your food getting inside you
probably aren't beneficial. They are parasites. Just flush them
down the toilet before they attack.

23 July - 23 August
The Cow of Heaven

Although it may be a family tradition and the cause for that smile on
your relatives' faces, I keep thinking that it is not a good idea
to eat your relatives' brains when they die. Your parents aren't
smiling because they are happy in the knowledge that their
ancestors are living inside them, they are happy that they
never tried it.  Ritual cannibalism sounds like more fun than
it really is, and often leads to progressive paralysis, dementia,
and voting for nincompoops.

24 August - 23 September
Mubbo, the Hyena

Mum's food is the best food in the world. It's like grandma's food,
v. 2.0. It falls like a stone into your stomach and sticks there and
often leads to to... well, having introspective moments. It is,
however, very filling, mostly because if you don't eat up your whole
dish you'll get hit with the broomstick. A special mention should be
made of mum's apple pie. Its formula is protected by powerful spells,
making it very tasty, and making you fat as pig. Just say "no."

24 September - 23 October
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

The legend goes that, in a certain Klatchian restaurant, if you ask
for the right combination of dishes, they take you to a little room
where, after making you swear that you'll keep the secret, they
serve some of the rarest delicacies on the Discworld: things like
Roast Boots with Onions, fried boot soles in honey, rats onna
stick and even a Dibbler Special. To taste them, you have to
abandon your preconceived notions of "edible" and dig heartily
into the caramelized mud puddings and candied sea urchins,
washing it all down with a cup of hot wow-wow sauce.  Make
sure your health insurance premiums are all paid up.

24 October - 22 November
Okjok, the Salesman

Sometimes, when you dig into a chocolate mousse, you find
that it has become thick dubious-looking stuff. The seller tells
you that, because of excessive shaking or the breaking of the
coldness seal when going home from the store, the bubbles have
escaped from the mousse, thus leaving it in its present state, but
that is not true. The truth is that it's been attacked bya little
creature that lives in freezers and hibernates patiently until it
detects the smell of its favourite food, the deep sea blowfish.
Luckily, eating this will kill anything, so you can just put it
directly into the dustbin.

23 November - 21 December
The Overworked Orang-Utang

Ethnic food is the best for you. Tasty (I'd say pathologically
condimented) dishes whose recipes come from remote and
exotic places, with names not only unspeakable, but even
unwritable without previous training. The ingredients are
usually not listed on restaurant menus, so that they do not
offend those who worship any of the Discworld
gods. You should not complain. After all, conches
are just crispy worms, and there's not such a big difference
between a Lobster and a Baby Starfish with Puree
of Sea Cucumber (maybe only the poison...)

22 December - 20 January
The Celestial Parsnip

This is the month for you to start your exercise
program.  A good way to do this is to got to your
local Temple of Offler and take a refreshing run
around the crocodile enclosure pursued by some
of the holy reptiles.  There's no better to way to
lose weight, especially if they catch you.

21 January - 18 February
The Knotted String

You definitely need a touch of Agatean wisdom in your life. Boiled rice
with soy seeds, served in a bowl and eaten (chewing every mouthful
a hundred times) with chopsticks, sitting on the floor in the lotus
stance while we meditate about the karmic wheel of existence and its
incessant rolling through the universe... ommmm.... ommmm.... One
week of that and daily life, which seemed so boring, will suddenly
become fascinating and all-new, and you'll stop talking foolish.

19 February - 20 March
The Flying Moose

Hmm... sweet or salty? The dilemma of your life. When an
uncontrollable appetite moment hits you,  you hesitate
between a nice (and sticky) Dibbler Doughnut or a
hypercholesterol pig-derived dish, between chocolate or
french fries, between unknown-composition sweets of salty dried
fruits and mysterious Klatchian Delights.  To settle this, I
can only give you one solution: stop eating between foods!

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: HOGFATHER
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
the spot shown.   Read the letters backwards and
discover who the Hogfather's real enemies are.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1996 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The bogeyman who tried to pick up Susan in a bar (1st letter)
2. Manager of the Hogfather Grotto (first name, 3rd letter)
3. AKA as Reginald Lilywhite (last letter)
4. Assassin assigned to inhume the Hogfather (last name, first letter)
5. The Cheerful Fairy (last name, 3rd letter)
6. A down on his luck wizard working for #4 above (last name, 3rd letter)
7. The Oh God of Hangovers (6th letter)
8. The little match girl (first name, 2nd letter)
9. Cart driver with box of glowing magical dust (first name, 1st letter)
10. Organizer of the Ankh-Morpork wassailers group (last name, 1st letter)
11. Susan is her governess (first name, 1st letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/   = Enemies of the Hogfather
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/ 

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: FEET OF CLAY
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. Upstairs Maid at the Patrician's Palace (first name, 1st letter)
        MILDRED EASY = M
2. A small rat catcher for restaurants (first name, 2nd letter)
        WEE MAD ARTHUR = E
3. First golem member of the Watch (5th letter of name)
        DORFL = L
4. A doctor and doper of racehorses (first name, 2nd letter)
        DOUGHNUT JOHNNY = O
5. Vampire head of the A-M College of Heralds (4th letter of title)
        DRAGON KING AT ARMS = G
6. A troll potter (2nd letter of name)
        IGNEOUS = G
7. Curator of A-M Dwarf Bread Museum (last name, 6th letter)
        HOPKINSON = N
8. First declared female dwarf member of the Watch (last name, 2nd letter)
        CHEERY LITTLEBOTTOM = I
9. Patrician's personal clerk (last name, 5th letter)
        DRUMKNOTT = K

M_/E_/L_/O_/G_/G_/N_/I_/K_/ =  Who the Watch was looking for
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10   =  KING GOLEM

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

12) BEST POLL OF THE YEAR

The following kfl-announce poll is now closed.  Here are the
final results:

POLL QUESTION: Which guild is best?

CHOICES AND RESULTS
- Assassins guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Thiefs guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Fools guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Engravers guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Beggars guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Alchemists guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Seamstresses' guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Dog guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Embalmers guild, 0 votes, 0.00%
- Gamblers guild, 0 votes, 0.00%

For more information about this group, please visit
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kfl-announce

Ed. note:  Hey, don't ask me. I just publish this stuff
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

13) THEATER NOTES

UPLAND, CALIFORNIA, USA

The Mental Eclectic's performances of Terry Pratchett's
"Guards! Guards!" adapted for the stage by Stephen Briggs
continue through October 3 and 4.  All shows are at 8 PM
at the Upland Theatre located at 601 5th Ave. Upland, CA 91786.
Tickets are $8 at the door. Please visit the website at
http://orrweb.net/guards/index.php for all the details.

ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA

Unseen Theatre Company will present Terry Pratchett's
"Mort" at the Bakehouse Theatre, 255 Angas Street,
Adelaide, Australia. from October 15 to November 1 from
Wednesday to Saturday evenings at 8.00pm. Back by
popular demand, in 2000 "Mort" won both critical acclaim
and the Light Year Award for Best Costumes.

Bookings: Betty 8296 2004 (7am-7pm, 7 days) or BASS 131 246
(booking fee will apply)
Tickets: Adult $14, Concession $12, Group (10+) $10

PREVIEW Wed Oct 15, all tickets $10, only available on 8296 2004

THEATRE DINNER DEAL - Thai Hutt Restaurant
214 Hutt St, Adelaide - Entree, Main, Soft Drink and Ticket $30
only available on 8296 2004. BOOKINGS ESSENTIAL.
For more details, see: http://www.unseen.com.au

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Foreign Legion
September 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 9)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) NEW DISCWORLD NOVELS FOR 2004
2) ONE-VOLUME BROMELIAD TO BE RELEASED IN U.S.
3) TERRY'S CONFIRMED TOUR DATES 2003
4) 2004 DISCWORLD CALENDAR JUST PUBLISHED

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) MEN AT ARMS: ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW
6) SOUL MUSIC EXPERT REPLIES
7) WHAT TERRY DOES WITH OLD DRAFTS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8) BELLYMEET REPORT

9) STRANGE RECIPES THAT NANNY OGG MISSED

====Part 3

10) YOUR LONG-AWAITED DISC HOROSCOPE
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: HOGFATHER
12) BEST POLL OF THE YEAR
13) THEATER NOTES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) NEW DISCWORLD NOVELS FOR 2004

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, reported in our last issue:

Terry's second Tiffany Aching novel is to be called A HAT FULL OF
SKY.   Granny Weatherwax features much more in this book than she did
in WEE FREE MEN.   It will be published simultaneously in Britain and
the US at the end of April or beginning of May 2004.

Jennifer Brehl at HarperCollins now reports:

Terry has recently finished his YA novel (to be published early
next year by our Children's division), and has recently started
his new adult novel, GOING POSTAL. That will be published
next fall.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) ONE-VOLUME BROMELIAD TO BE RELEASED IN U.S.

According to HarperCollins, The Bromeliad Trilogy will be released
for the first time in the US in one volume.  The three books,
Truckers, Diggers, and Wings, follow the Nomes' search for
safety, a search that leads them to discover their own astonishing
origins and that takes them beyond their wildest dreams.  If you
live in the US, you can enter a competition to win the book from
http://www.terrypratchettbooks.com/books/contest_bromeliad.html
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) TERRY'S US TOUR DATES 2003 CONFIRMED

HarperCollins has released the confirmed dates
for Terry's US tour.  

September 30, 2003, 6:30 PM EST
WASHINGTON D.C.
Washington Post Book Club/ Conversation with Michael Dirda
Omni Shoreham Hotel
2500 Calvert St. NW

October 1, 2003, 7:30 PM EST
ANN ARBOR
Border's #1
612 E. Liberty

October 3, 2003, 7:00 PM PST
SEATTLE
University Bookstore
At Kane Hall, University of Washington

October 4, 2003, 7:30 PM MST
DENVER
Tattered Cover
1628 16th Street

October 5, 2003, 7:30 PM PST
PORTLAND, OR
Powell's City of Books
1005 W. Burnside St.

October 7, 2003, 7:00 PM PST
LOS ANGELES
Vroman's
695 E. Colorado Blvd.
Pasadena, CA

October 9, 2003, 8:00 PM PST
SAN DIEGO
Mysterious Galaxy
7051 Clairemont Mesa Blvd.

October 10, 2003, 7:30 PM PST
SAN FRANCISCO
Cody's Books
2454 Telegraph Ave.
Berkeley, CA

October 11, 2003, 12:00 PM PST
SANTA CRUZ
Bookshop Santa Cruz
1520 Pacific Ave.

October 11, 2003, 7:30 PM PST
SAN JOSE
Barnes & Noble
3600 Stevens Creek Blvd.

October 13, 2003, 7:00 PM CST
AUSTIN, TX
Bookpeople
603 N. Lamar

October 14, 2003, 7:00 PM EST
NEW YORK CITY
Barnes & Noble, Union Square

                               ----------

The signing tour then comes back to the UK for the following dates.

Saturday 18 October 12 noon:
Ottakars, Festival Place, Basingstoke

Monday 20 October
12 noon: Border's, Clifton Promenade,  Bristol
6pm: WH Smith's, 10-12 Regent Street, Swindon

Wednesday 22 October
1pm: Ottakar's, George St., Edinburgh
6pm: Border's, Buchanan St., Glasgow

Thursday 23 October  5pm: Waterstone's, St. Ann's Square, Manchester

Friday 24 October
11.45am: Border's, 1-5 Davygate, York
6pm: Waterstone's, Grand Buildings, Jameson Street, Hull

Saturday 25 October  12.30pm:  WH Smith, Listergate, Nottingham

Wednesday 29 October
12pm: Barrett's of St. Neot's, 47 Market Square, St. Neot's, Cambs.
6pm:  Forbidden Planet, 179 Shaftesbury Avenue, London


ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) 2004 DISCWORLD CALENDAR JUST PUBLISHED

The 2004 Discworld Calendar - officially 'Terry Pratchett's
Discworld Collector's Edition 2004 Calendar' - (ISBN 0-575-07549-X)
has now been published by Gollancz at 10.99 pounds including VAT.

The illustrators:
Cover and July: 'Night Watch' - by Paul Kidby
January: 'Thief (Detritus vs. Here 'N' Now)' - David Wyatt
February: 'Leonard of Quirm' - Mark Edwards
March: 'The Witches' - Sandy Nightingale
April: 'A'Tuin' - Gino D'Achille
May: 'The Gods of Discworld' - Angelo Rinaldi
June: 'Mr Brookes' Patented Elf Remedy' - Les Edwards
August: 'Wyrmburg' - Jackie Morris
September: 'Rincewind having trouble with the Octavo' - Stuart  Williams
October: 'Carpe Jugulum' - David Frankland
November: 'When books of magic are left to themselves' - Sandy  Nightingale
December: 'Mr & Mrs War' - David Wyatt
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Foreign Legion
October 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 10)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) TERRY IS SICK
2) NEW FOREIGN REPRINTS
3) A FORESHADOWING
4) BIRTHMEET REPORT

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) ASSORTED COMMENTS ABOUT
    MONSTROUS REGIMENT
6) SOUL MUSIC AND 12 STRING GUITARS
7) ANSWER DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME
8) CASTING THE DISCWORLD

====Part 3

10) THEATER NOTES
11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: JINGO
12) ERRORS IN LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE
13) NOT YOUR LONG-AWAITED DISC HOROSCOPE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) TERRY IS SICK

As many fans will have discovered, Terry has had to cancel
the signings scheduled for this week as a result of a bug he
picked up in the US on his signing tour there.  Colin Smythe,
his agent, has had a number of concerned emails from
anxious people, and asked Terry for something we could
send out for those fans who had not seen the news.
Terry wrote:

"Insofar as there is any 'formal' story it's:

I arrived back from the US last week with a sore throat, probably picked
up on the flight between Austin and New York;

It blossomed to flu-like proportions by Friday, so I got equipped with
prescription painkillers (which did no good at all) and antibiotics.

I managed the Basingstoke signing but fell into bed when I got home, and
was so bad on Sunday that we agreed to write Monday off and start
touring on Wednesday (Tuesday was off anyway because of Lyn's birthday).
By Tuesday things were worse, and while I'm pretty game the thought of the
flight to Edinburgh was just too daunting.  At this point, we agreed to
cancel the tour for the rest of the week, because it'd be fairer on the
shops and people to say so right then rather that drag things out.

And that's it, really.  Mostly the problem was the throat, which was so
bad that until Wednesday I wasn't really sleeping at night at all.  I
can't really remember much about Monday and Tuesday at all, although I
must have had bouts of coherence, usually at 4.30am.  Today, Friday, I
slept until almost twelve, which was probably the system catching up.

That's it, really.  No one takes the decision that that lightly.  I've
done about sixty tours now without hitting a problem like this, at least
to the extent of canceling anything, but any tour -- especially a big
one, with changing time zones and sudden changes of temperatures,
erratic sleeping, irregular meals, shops full of people and a regular
exposure to the cocktail of germs in the aircraft -- is prone to
something like this.

-- Terry Pratchett
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) NEW FOREIGN REPRINTS

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, reports:

The Russian publishers Eksmo have acquired a licence
for JINGO, and licences for  a number of double volumes -
THE COLOUR OF MAGIC with THE LIGHT FANTASTIC,  
GUARDS! GUARDS! with MEN AT ARMS, and WITCHES
ABROAD and LORDS AND LADIES. I believe that PYRAMIDS
with SMALL GODS and MORT with REAPER MAN have
already appeared, though I haven't yet seen these.

F.A.Thorpe have just published a large print edition of
THE TRUTH under their Charnwood imprint - ISBN 0-7089-4963-0

Tiden Norsk are acquiring Norwegian rights in WITCHES
ABROAD and SMALL GODS.

The Polish published Proszynski are going to issue
SOURCERY and WYRD SISTERS in hardcover format.
Hitherto the books have only been available in paperback.

I've just been sent copies of the French (L'Atalante),
Polish (Proszynski), Czech (Talpress) and Bulgarian
(Vuzev) editions of THE LAST HERO, so they should
be available in the relevant countries soon.

-- Colin Smythe
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) A FORESHADOWING

From page 174 of the Gollancz edition of JINGO:

"The monstrous regiment of watchmen had lined up on the
deck."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) BIRTHMEET REPORT

When: 19th October 2003
Where: Shark Fin Inn, Chinatown, Melbourne, XXXX and various
    other parts!
Who: Lora, B, Bek, Matt, Paul aka Libwolf, SteVen, and Your
    Humble Narrator; later, Hania Ogg and Big Mad Adrian


Since several birthdays -- mine, Matt's and Lora's - fall
within a four-week period more or less, we decided to have a
repeat of last year's BirthdayMeet at the same venue. The
participation of Lora and B was nothing short of amazing
since Lora has rarely been known to eat anything except KFC!
We all agreed to meet for a 1330 Yum Cha sitting. Well,
actually, Bek, who knows SteVen well, told some of us that it was 1300
on the grounds that SteVen might actually be on
time for a change, with the result that I *did* arrive "on
time" and had a long lonely wait. Ah well.

We were led in and seated around a large round table that
featured an almost-as-large revolving tray. For the non-
Fourecksians among you, Yum Cha is what is known as Dim
Sum in more civilised places, and consists of a number
of functionaries wheeling around carts (or carrying trays)
of varied Auriental "small foods" - steamed, baked or fried
dumplings, stir-fried tentacles, deep-fried tentacles, spiced
tentacles in sauce (oh, all right, *some* of us do like
tentacles**), sticky rice, chicken feet in sauce (yes, this
is a real Auriental dish and not one of those sheep's-eyes
things foisted on non-Aurientals as a joke), stewed bean curd,
assorted questionable parts of dead animals cleverly disguised
in exotic sauces, even vegetables...in other words, a vast
array of tempting choices. But after I mentioned that the serving
arrangement and the rotating of the tray around the
table reminded me of the scene between Lord Hong and the vizier
in Interesting Times, certain members of the party seemed
suddenly reluctant to try anything, though the politeness of
their refusals would credit any top-ranking Agatean courtier...
We tried to convince Lora that the fried tentacles were just
like any other KFC, even though in this case it meant Kowloon
Fried Tentacles, but she resisted everything except the mini
chicken pies on the grounds that at least those tasted like chicken.

After lunch came the exchanging of birthday gifts, and Lora
showed off her new kinky leather clothing - really. Some people
might call it a motorcycle jacket, but we know better,
since there was a whip handle sticking out of one pocket!
Lora is leaving BU to travel around Fourecks in her gap year,

and we all wish her the very best; life won't be the same at
Bugarup without her. For a start, it will be a lot less
violent...

Soon it was time for Lora and B to leave, as B was attempting
to smuggle Lora into an over-18s film. The rest of us went
on our traditional round of wandering through assorted audiovisual
shops and comic/sf/fantasy emporia. It saddens me
to report that, among the statuettes of orcs and superheroes
and KISS members and Osbournes, there are no Clarecraft or
Clarecraft-type Discworld figures. I think it's a terrible
oversight. Of course, it's an excellent oversight in my case
since I have hedgehog-all money these days.

Hania Ogg was unable to attend this year -- aww, we were all looking
forward to a reprise of last year's tea-leaf readings
-- so SteVen and I went to the Oggery and were treated to pancake
readings instead. And there were...things involving
chocolate, but I won't describe them on a family list :-)

Last of all, we went to Big Mad Adrian's to hassle him yet
again about producing a play of The Truth. But as BMA was
not precisely sober, we played with Ralph the Fat Spaniel
instead.

Altogether a fun day, though Lora really should have tried
the tentacles.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

** tentacles, of course, are sacred to Elder Gods, aren't
they Unca Joe...

Unca Joe: What!  You eat fried tentacles?  Expect a visit
shortly from EGADS (Elder Gods Anti Defamation Society).
They'll show YOU who's king of the forest.  (Smiles secretly
and slithers back off the dock.)
  
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) ASSORTED COMMENTS ABOUT MONSTROUS REGIMENT

> On Sat, 4 Oct 2003 02:07 am, Fiona Wynn wrote:
>
> > I liked it, but not as much as some of his other books.  Probably
> > because of the lack of old characters.
>
> Oh I don't know, Sgt Jackrum was pretty old.

Hahahahaha. *ahem*

> I felt that the Ankh-Morpork characters just weren't needed in the
> story. Why were they there? I felt that it was almost as if PTerry was
> saying "Huh, look at this, I can write a book where the Watch has a
> minor part, aren't I clever?"
>
> I felt that it distracted from the message and structure of the story. In
> my opinion, it would have been a much better book if the A-M watchmen
> weren't in it.

I agree -- what did Vimes actually do?

-- Steven D'Aprano, Fiona,

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) SOUL MUSIC AND 12-STRING GUITARS

To the Editor:

Lagniappe for the "Soul Music" answer in the previous edition:

12-string electric guitars aren't rare so much as not in great demand.
It's not that they require special technique -- you still place your
fingers on the strings on the proper frets, and pick or strum with the
alternate hand -- but that the chiming tones aren't always appropriate.
They're better for simple picking or rhythmic ringing than the wailing
histrionics most music with rocks in seems to beg for; you can't
blues-bend a doubled string as easily as you can your good old six.

12-strings line up the three bottom (lower) strings in octave harmonies
(in other words, the E, A and D strings are matched with an E, A and D
an octave higher) and the three higher strings (G, B and E - of course
we're talking standard tuning here, because why confuse it further?)
are simply doubled on a note of the same register.

The sound -- high and sweet -- produced can be heard prominently on
recordings by The Byrds (Roger McGuinn greatly advanced the use of
12-string electric in rock 'n' roll), early Tom Petty and early REM
especially.

Check out "Eight Miles High," "Pretty Persuasion," "Don't Come
Around Here No More."

--Mark Hughes Cobb, bogustrumper@...
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) ANSWER DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME

To the Editor:

Thanks to 'Tamar' but this answer:
"They've been on duty in a sometimes-death-defying
career (also they've been soldiers) so they have developed
an ability to perceive things that are Real."
Doesn't do it for me. If they are so smart then they can
sit in the Watch house and solve crimes. Whatever. I
guess it is just something Pratchett's editor didn't question.

The study of music and culture is ethnomusicology, but
they are so specialized that it is hard to get anything on
guitars. The only thing I got thus far is about Mongolia and
their horse head guitar that has three strings and is made
from horse hide and hair. I was wanting something more
specific on the rituals like the one mentioned in Soul Music
about the guy in the shower with a shammy on his head :-)

-- guitargoddess@...
:-))

8) CASTING THE DISCWORLD

To the Editor:

Here's the entirety of the Casting The Discworld thread as
taken from my own BU files. Make of it what you will :P

Having now seen League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I'd
also add Peta Wilson as a candidate for Angua, and Shane
West as a possible Carrot...

*******************************************************

A couple of nights ago, Dru and I were discussing who we would cast as
Discworld characters if someone made a movie of it. Now I know we've
done this before, but that was a couple of years ago and I thought it
would be time for an update.

The rules are, the actors must be alive, and capable of playing the role
now. For example, the natural choice to play Vimes might have been
Clint Eastwood twenty years ago, but not now, so Eastwood is out. And
the kid who plays Harry Potter will be a natural for Ponder Stibbons in
about ten years, but not now.

After much to-ing and fro-ing, this is the list Dru and I came up with.

=== The Wizards ===

Ridcully - Brian Blessed
The Burser - Harry Dean Stanton, or Dean Stockwell
The Dean - Robbie Coltrane
Rincewind - Eric Idle
Ponder Stibbons - Nicholas Brendon (Xander from "Buffy")
The Senior Wrangler - Hugh Laurie
Recent Runes - Ian McKeller

=== The Witches ===

Granny - Sian Phillips ("I, Claudius", "Dune")
Nanny Ogg - Judy Dench, or Julie Walters
Magrat - Gwynth Paltrow

=== The Night Watch ===

Sam Vimes - Hugh Jackman
Carrot - Brendan Fraser
Angua - Cameron Diaz
Nobby - Harry Dean Stanton, or Steve Buscemi
Sgt Colon - Warren Clarke
Cheri - Allison Hannigan
Reg Shoe - Dwight Schultz, Rowan Atkinson, or Adrian Edmundson
Detritus - Sylvestor Stalone, or Arnold Schwarzenegger
Constable Visit - Adrian Edmundson (Vyvyan from "The Young Ones"), or
Tim McInnerny (Lord Percy and Captain Darling from "Blackadder")

=== People of Ankh-Morpork ===

Vetinari - Patrick Stewart (obviously with hair)
Sham Harga - Dennis Franz
Dibbler - Hugh Laurie, or Rowan Atkinson
Lord Rust - Stephen Fry
Lady Sybill - Dawn French
Mrs Whitlow - Patricia Routledge (Mrs Bucket from "Keeping Up
Appearances")
Mrs Palm - Sharon Stone
Wee Mad Arthur - Billy Connolly
The voice of Gaspode - Warren Mitchell

=== People of Uberwald ===

Wolf - Dolph Lungren
Otto - Dwight Schultz (Murdock from "The A-Team"), or Jeremy Irons
Lady Margolotta - Diana Rigg
Igor - Tony Robinson

=== Beings from Death's Domain ===

The voice of Death - John Cleese, James Earl Jones
Susan - Drew Barrymore
Mort - Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley from "Harry Potter")
Albert - Warren Mitchell

=== Barbarians ===

Cohen - Clint Eastwood
Truckle the Uncivil - Billy Connolly
Mad Hamish - Robert Carlyle ("The Full Monty")
Ronald Savloy ("Teach") - John Cleese
Herrena the Henna Haired - Lucy Lawless
Hrun the Barbarian - Kevin Sorbo, or Arnold Schwarzenegger
Conina - Sarah Michelle Geller

=== People of Lancre ===

King Verence - Alexis Denisof (Wesley from "Angel"
Shaun Ogg - Sean Astin (Sam from "Lord of the Rings")

=== People of Agatea ===

Twoflower - Sammo Hung
Pretty Butterfly - Lucy Lu

=== Miscellaneous characters ===

Buddy Imp y Celyn - Johnny Depp
Lu Tze - Jackie Chan
The Queen of the Elves - Cate Blanchett (who else could it be?)
* * * There are a number of characters that I can visualise, but I
can't think of the name of the actor. Can anyone come up with
suggestions for any of these characters?

Lord Hong
71 Hour Ahmed
Agnes Nitt
Jason Ogg

-- Steven D'Aprano
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
============================================
>> Agnes Nitt
>
> Ricki Lake?

Someone said she's not fat enough, and several people pointed
out that she's too old. Given the tricks that SFX and makeup
can play in clicks these days, I'd say fatness is less of a
problem than age (which also disqualifies Magda S). So yes,
probably a newcomer.

Any thoughts about the de Magpyr family? And Angua's
parents. I would say Francesca Annis for Serafine, and
possibly Depardieu for the Baron. Possibly Timothy Dalton
or Jeremy Irons for the Count, one of the Scott Thomases
(I forget which is which) for the Countess, but as for Vlad
and Lacci, I don't know who the leading lights of onscreen
Teenage Snobby are. Oh, wait - Kirsten Cu^H^H^HDunst
as Lacci. Who's Vlad?

BTW I was the first at the Fortress (by a tail-hair, or in our
case, possibly a pinfeather) to suggest Cameron Diaz as
Angua. That's because while I don't find her particularly
pretty, she does have a good line in sensuality. It's almost
a shame she's become a sex symbol, since she's actually a fairly
decent actor.

-- Dru

********************************************

> and possibly Depardieu for the Baron.

Oh yes! That is a hit, sirah!

I can just see him stalking into the room, giving everyone a Look, and
throwing himself onto a pile of furs.

-- Steven D'Aprano

*******************************************

One thing I noticed on the list was that Billy Connelly was set to play
a couple of roles. Unfortunately, he may be a little busy, since he's
the only person I can think of to play the entire race of Nac Mac Feegle
(with possible exception of the keldas, although I reckon Magda could
do a fairly bad Scottish accent as one of them in a pinch).

-- ConMan

*********************************************

71 Hour Ahmed: don't know his name, but he's both George McFly
from Back to the Future and the creepy thin man from Charlie's
Angels.

Incidentally, Jeffery Combs would also make a good Fool.

-- Lora Craft

*********************************************

I went Google Image-ing on Jeffrey Combs. Fool, me arse!
That man is Mr Teatime to the life!

-- Dru

**********************************************

On 2003.07.11 05:13 G T Fortune wrote:
> Steven:
> > Lady Sybil - Dawn French
>
> Too fat, too short, too flighty  - although, I hasten to add, I *do*
> think she's a fine comedic actress.
>
> Lady Sybil is a large (*not* fat) lady of rather angular features
> (though not unattractive) and with a commanding presence of
> which she herself is mainly unaware.
>
> If she was a man (or if she lived in a different society) she would be
> seen as a 'natural leader'.
>
> For the part of Lady Sybil I see Geraldine James fitting the bill
> perfectly.
>
> Geraldine played the part of the formidable Lady Maud in the excellent
> BBC production, 'Blott On The Landscape' and showed that she has
> just the right appearance and presence to portray the fine qualities
> of Lady Sybil.
>

Ooh, good call! I disputed the choice - Steven's - of Dawn French
for exactly the reasons you've given.

Hmm, Prunella Scales (the *other* Sybil) has
the right personality and features IMO, and she does a fine line
in imposingness/instinctive command, but AFAIK she is
actually quite small. Though again, think of the hobbit/human
SFX in LotR! I have seen her in a number of other productions
and she also is good at doing uppercrust absentmindedness - I
can just see her with a dragon on each shoulder, mucking out
the pens...hmm, if her hubby (Timothy West) is still alive, he
would make a fine addition to the UU faculty...
>
> Steven:
> > Nobby - Harry Dean Stanton, or Steve Buscemi
>
> Never heard of either of these fellas  -  what about Tony Robinson for
> this Baldrick-like part?
>

Never_heard_of_HDS_or_SB???!!! ~nearly faints~ GIYF Takahe!
Both are top character actors with a list of credits as long as a very
long thing, so I won't even start, apart from mentioning Repo Man
and the odd Tarantino production...yes, Baldrick is one of Life's
natural Nobbys though.

--Dru

****************************************
Dianne said:
> As far as I'm concerned the only person to play Vetinari is Alan
> Rican. I've had lots of discussion with Tricia about this. After
> seeing him in Harry Potter and also as the Sheriff of Nottingham in
> which ever version of Robin Hood it was. I feel he would make an
> excellent Vetinari.

An excellent choice!

And he might even be a good choice to play Vetinari as well.
[runs]

-- Steven D'Aprano
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) THEATER NOTES
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

NEW SHOWS

Subj: Carpe Jugulum for FOUR NIGHTS ONLY
at Blackfriars Arts Centre, Boston UK

Boston Playgoers - Carpe Jugulum
From the novel by Terry Pratchett
adapted for the stage by Stephen Briggs

"The De Magpyrs are the sort of vampires that would
have Count Dracula spinning in his grave: modern,
forward-looking and no longer afraid of holy water,
garlic, religious symbols or, indeed, of anything else.
This makes them very, very dangerous. Luckily for the
Discworld, the three Lancre witches are on hand -- and
the battle is on!"

The Boston Playgoers will be performing Carpe Jugulum
to audiences for FOUR NIGHTS ONLY at Blackfriars Arts
Centre, Spain Lane, Boston, Lincolnshire. PE21 6HP.

Show begins every night at 7:30pm from Wednesday
5th November to Saturday 8th November 2003. Ticket
prices are £6 per person with concessions at £5.

Blackfriars Arts Centre Box Office: 01205 363108
Website: http://www.blackfriars.uk.com/

--Tomooseone
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

REVIEWS

Mortifying Fun
==============
Reviewed by Tim Lloyd, The Advertiser
http://www.theadvertiser.news.com.au

"Mort"
Unseen Theatre Company
http://www.unseen.com.au
Bakehouse Theatre
Oct 15 - Nov 1


Terry Pratchett's tale of Death's apprentice Mort, and his
sentimental approach to his job, has been presented in many forms.

Stephen Briggs's adaptation, though, has an eye strictly for
Pratchett's funniest lines, while paying patchy attention to
the plot. Unseen Theatre Company is a good example of young
people's community theatre having a good night out.

The production is all over the place but from the front-of-house
vendors to the cheery door prize presentations and the very
strange dance number from Les Miserables, there is a winning
good-heartedness to the whole.

The audience responded in kind on opening night and the outing
took on the tone of a family game of charades.

The huge cast negotiates its way through the gothic, labyrinthine
plot of Mort without the least affectedness. Danny Sag, as the
Doorknocker, manages to deliver his lines clearly despite holding the
knocker in his mouth. Sam James, as Death, is so heavily bemasked in
a skull mask and emerald eyes that there is genuine concern from the
audience when he tries to walk through a wall and fails.

Tim Bates is accomplished as Mort, mixing incompetence and
sorcerer's apprentice arrogance in equal parts. Other strong
performances come from Miriam Keane as Death's daughter Ysabell,
and Erin Stockie as the accidentally undead Princess Keli.

The full humour of this piece is brought to life by Andrew Dowling
as Igneous Cutwell – the incompetent wizard enlisted to help Mort
and Princess Keli – who squeezes every ounce of humour from his lines
and makes everyone else seem twice as funny to boot.

A lot of energy has gone into this high-spirited production which
succeeds at delivering Pratchett at his funniest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misadventures of Death's deputy
===============================
Reviewed by Rod Lewis, The Messenger Press
http://www.messenger.net.au

"Mort"
Unseen Theatre Company
http://www.unseen.com.au
Bakehouse Theatre
Oct 15 - Nov 1

Death came to Mort - he offered him a job.

With that outlandish premise, Pamela Munt unfolds Unseen Theatre's
snappiest production to date, outlining the misadventures of Death's
apprentice.

Terry Pratchett's fourth Discworld novel is adapted for the stage by
Stephen Briggs.

Sam James plays the Grim Reaper with all the dry wit and childlike
innocence that makes this towering character a favourite among many
Discworld fans.

The reverberation on his voice adds a gleefully gruesome touch to his
perfected delivery.

In the title role, Tim Bates looks out of his depth, but rightly so
given the unexpected new occupation of his character.

Left in charge after Death takes a holiday, Mort creates havoc by
saving the life of a princess scheduled to die.

But Fate is not overcome that easily and Erin Stockie is amusing as
the Princess caught between two worlds.

It is Andrew Dowling's flippant interpretation of Mage Cutwell that
really stands out, however. With great stage presence, he earns every
star on his wizard's hat.

Munt blends multiple scenes together with minimal fuss and keeps the
action flowing fast.

A good selection of songs bridges brief scene changes and Robert
Andrews is quick off the mark with the ample lighting and sound cues.

George Leaman's split level set is practical and Anna Scott's scenic
art is eye catching.

Unseen Theatre's debut with this play in March 2000 won a City
Messenger Light Year Award for best costumes.

Seamstress Sharman Gilchrist presents an equally fine array of
colourful outfits this time around.

Despite the quirky plot, Mort is perhaps one of the best introductions
to Pratchett for the uninitiated and Unseen will leave you dying with
laughter.

-- courtesy of Danny Sag

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: JINGO
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer the questions and put the letter indicated into
the spot shown.   Read the letters backwards and
discover who the real inhabitants of Leshp are.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1997 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett's first name -- 1st letter:
ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The wali of Prince Cadram (last name, last letter)
2. Nobby's alias in Klatch (first name, last letter)
3. An exotic tricks and dance group (first name, 2nd letter)
4. Where the submarine inventor was from (first letter)
5. Co-discoverer of Leshp from Ankh-Morpork (first name, 1st letter)
6. Co-discoverer of Leshp from Klatch (first name, 5th letter)
7. Younger brother of Prince Cadram (third letter)
8. Alleged assassin who lived in Market Street (first name, 1st letter)
9. A seller of melons (last name, 4th letter)
10. Zombie Watchman (first name, 1st letter)
11. President of the Guild of Armourers (last name,  2nd letter)
12. Not an Assassin, he just kills people for money (first name, 3rd letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/   = Inhabitants of Leshp
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/ 12/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: HOGFATHER
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1. The bogeyman who tried to pick up Susan in a bar (1st letter)
       SCHLIMAZEL = S
2. Manager of the Hogfather Grotto (first name, 3rd letter)
       VERNON CRUMLEY = R
3. AKA as Reginald Lilywhite (last letter)
       BANJO = O
4. Assassin assigned to inhume the Hogfather (last name, first letter)
       MR. TEATIME = T
5. The Cheerful Fairy (last name, 3rd letter)
       GWENDOLYNE SMITH = I
6. A down on his luck wizard working for #4 above (last name, 3rd letter)
       MR. SIDENEY =
7. The Oh God of Hangovers (6th letter)
       BILIOUS = U
8. The little match girl (first name, 2nd letter)
       SARAH = A
9. Cart driver with box of glowing magical dust (first name, 1st letter)
       ERNIE = E
10. Organizer of the Ankh-Morpork wassailers group (last name, 1st letter)
       ANAGLYPTA HUGGS = H
11. Susan is her governess (first name, 1st letter)
       TWYLA = T

S_/R_/O_/T_/I_/D_/U_/A_/E_/H_/T_/   = Enemies of the Hogfather
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/        = THE AUDITORS

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11) ERRORS IN THE PUZZLE FOR: FEET OF CLAY
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

To the Editor:

>4. A doctor and doper of racehorses (first name, 2nd
letter)
>       DOUGHNUT JOHNNY = O     

It's Doughnut Jimmy, not Johnny.

Ed Note:  Right.  Sorry about that.

>M_/E_/L_/O_/G_/G_/N_/I_/K_/ =  Who the Watch was
>looking for
>1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10   =  KING GOLEM

The watch was not looking for a king golem -- they were
looking for a poisoner, and while Meshuga was
involved, he was not the cause, just the means.

Ed. Note: True, although eventually they were
looking for him.  Anyone want to debate this?

--Yasmin, yasmin_mazur@...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

12) NOT YOUR LONG-AWAITED DISC HOROSCOPE

Sorry, gang, but Lady Aranluc, our  wonder-working
horoscope expert, reports that solar flares have made
it impossible for her Discworld contacts to get through
right now.  We have ordered a container of Dibbler's
Crystal Ball Polishing Paste for her, and hopefully expect
that the situation will be remedied by our next issue.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Foreign Legion
November 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 11)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups. Are you a member? Yes, if you sent in
your name, country and e-mail address. Are there any dues? No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
Managing Editor: Annie Mac
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc, Asti Osborn
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) SECOND SPANISH DW CON HELD
2) AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL CON NOW IN PLANNING STAGES
3) DW PUBLISHING ACTIVITIES
4) UK MEET IN IPSWITCH IN EARLY 2004

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETINGS AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) ASTI-MEET: MIAMI, FLORIDA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6) MOEY AND CHANDON
7) CASTING THE DISCWORLD

8) THEATER NEWS:
        THIS WEEK:  MASKERADE (UK)

====Part 3

9) THEATER NOTES:
        REVIEW: GUARDS!  GUARDS! (AUSTRALIA)

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE: THE LAST CONTINENT
11) STILL NOT YOUR LONG-AWAITED DISC HOROSCOPE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) SECOND SPANISH DW CON HELD

With the KFL's Spanish-speaking branch above the 800-member
mark, it may be time for another report on how DW fandom's
going around here.

This summer saw what was due to be the Second Spanish
DW Con ever, but at the end was just a huge 30-people
meetup, so maybe these words should go with all those
funny meetup reports from Australia.

Maybe we were overenthusiastic after the success of
the ''02 con, or maybe things just couldn't get organized
  so well this time because people have other things to
do, or... well, the point is that people had a
nice time.

A Cripple Mr Onion tournament was held, a couple of
Thud! games were played, people got to know each other
(and got to drink heavily together), and that was it.

I couldn't attend myself, but I'm told that the speech from
an Orang-saving foundation spokesman was canceled
because of timing pro and the live rehearsal of a
"Guards! Guards!" play due for next spring wasn't held
for similar reasons. But the consensus is that it was
quite enjoyable, although not as a proper con like last year.

The 2004 con will be better. I'm sure of that.

-- Manu

(Ed: Historical Note:  The first US SF national convention,
held in New York in 1938 had only 39 attendees,  the
first British con in 1937 had only 20,  and they were
not limited to just one area such as DW.)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL CON NOW IN PLANNING STAGES

Plans are afoot for an Australian Discworld Convention. Check out
the forum at http://www.addictedtodiscworld.com/auscon/index.php for
more details (its still in planning, mind you) - or any questions can
be emailed to azrael at addictedtodiscworld dot com.

-- Pat Allan
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) DW PUBLISHING ACTIVITIES

Our Spanish section reports:

The reprint edition of "Reaper Man" (El Segador) is being
published this month, so now we have two-thirds of the Infamous
Discatalogued Three DW Books back on the shelves. It's been
reviewed and probably will read better than the original
edition. "Witches Abroad" (Brujas de Viaje) will be out next
year (also reviewed), so then we'll just have a 10-year-
delayed publishing schedule, and luckily will be able to
read "Monstrous Regiment" in Spanish in 2013. Wow! 2004 will
also be the year of "Soul Music", which is already trans-
lated and being proofread. And we still have the "Eric"
gap, which what with being an illustrated novel is being
kept in a drawer. Maybe we'll have to start complaining
again...

On a lighter note, "Meditations on Middle-Ear was
published in January with the title "La Tierra Media"
(Middle-Earth, plainly). The bit by Terry got the name
"Clásico de Culto" and was well translated but for a
little detail: Terry is female. You know words have sex
around here, don't you? (Which is more than can be said
of... just forget it.) Well, in this translation Terry
talks about himself as a "herself". First was she-Death
and now it's she-Terry. I sent him an e-mail, but still
have nothing to report about his reactions.

  in short, we're getting some more DW novels per year
than we are used to, and we fans try to get organized and
meet periodically, but we still live in a country where
Terry Pratchett can be portrayed as female without anyone
in the editorial process noticing. It could be worse.

-- Manu
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) UK MEET IN IPSWITCH IN EARLY 2004

Hot off the AFP site:

"It has been brought to my attention that it has been 'far too long' since we
had an Ipswich meet.

"This is not a good thing.

"Therefore, to correct the situation, a fresh new sweet young Ipswich Meet
will be happening the weekend of January 10th 2004

"Since this matches Rosemary's birthday, there will be Jelly and Icecream.
There will probably also be bonfires and fireball mead and there may well be
Real Ale at the Fat Cat or The Brewery Tap

"This is mostly going to be a housemeet, so please email me if you'd like to
come and don't already have the address."

-- Carol

PS: "Yes, this does mean I am back again :o)"

DMWCarol *** Whips Witch *** DMWCarol
www.broomcon.org.uk

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- NOVEMBER 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETINGS AROUND THE WORLD
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) ASTI-MEET, MIAMI, FLORIDA

Joe's Undersea Fortress of the Elder Gods

Nov. 14-16th, 2003

It all started off with an email. I was going to be in
South Florida and asked Grampa Joe if he would
mind my popping by for the weekend to try to
fix his PC. I'd previously tried to do this via Instant
  Message, but soon determined that a more
"hands-on" approach was necessary.

In any case, I showed up the afternoon of the 14th,
met Duchess Phoebe Greenpaws and Duke Luke
Yardwalker and then set to work. In the meantime,
Joe made one of his famous chillis to fortify me for
all of this hard labour. Several hours (and waggy tails)
later a few obvious tweeks had been made to the
machine and Grampa and I were reacquainting
ourselves after a 20 year hiatus.

This took the form of a tour of the library and a
viewing of the first half of Soul Music (watched
by Joe, Asti, Phoebe, and Luke). Unfortunately,
I was still on UK time so I passed out rather early
in the evening but the tour, literary discussions
and Soul Music viewing continued the next day.

We then carried on the Pratchett fest with my
recounting the tales of my brushes with the
greatness that is The Man Himself.

Then it was off to dinner where Stone Crab claws
were cracked, slathered in drawn butter and slurped,
accompanied by conch fritters and hush puppies.
To complete the meal a foray to Baskin Robbins
had us sampling 3 of their famous 31 flavours o
f ice cream. Then, sadly, it was time to waddle back
to Joe's and prepare for my 6 am taxi to the airport.

MsA aka Asti

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) MOEY AND CHANDON

To the Editor:

  Holly C rearranged electrons to say:
>
> > > Why don't we just cut straight to the classy end
> > of
> > > all things fizzy and call 'Fiza "Moet"? Or "Krug"?
> >
> > Who *is* Moey and Chandon, anyway?
>
> Moet and Chandon is a producer of Champagne (quite
> yummy champagne).  Two separate labels that merged, iirc.

*sigh* *whoooosh*

"Moey and chandon" is a line from Killer Queen...

"She keeps moet et chandon in a pretty cabinet..."

Of course, with Mr Mercury's slurring, it comes out as "moeyeychandon"
     or something like that...

The line is referenced in Good Omens, where Aziraphael wonders vague who
"Moey and Chandon" were... This is while listening to Mozart's "Killer
Queen", and just before listening to Handel's "Fat Bottom Girls", vocals
by F Mercury...

This is, of course, an almost on-topic post, and was, IMO, quite clever.

-- Lu-Pi
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) CASTING THE DISCWORLD

To the Editor:

The new WOSSNAME - which appears to have been
delivered to all subscribers *not* on Hotmail - contains
extracts from our recent Casting The Discworld thread.
As I've had a few further thoughts since then...

Another possibility for Granny: Helen Mirren

Lily Weatherwax: Nicole Kidman (who wouldn't need
*that* much makeup these days, miaow)

Mrs Gogol: Whoopi, of course!

Vimes: Sam Neill or Viggo Mortensen (cos I've seen him again
recently in G.I. Jane and he does steely sooo well)

Carrot: Shane West

Angua: Uma!, or Peta Wilson

Sgt Colon: Timothy Spall (Full Monty etc)

Detritus: Michael Dorn (Worf in ST TNG)

Lord Vetinari: John Hurt

Igor: Jim Carrey

Lord Hong: Dustin Nguyen (RHG from, among other
places, 21 Jump Street and VIP)

I'm still no closer to getting an idea for Agnes, though :-(

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
8) THEATER NEWS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

THIS WEEK: MASKERADE

Are you in London this week? Do you yearn for another evening of Stephen
Briggs' masterful adaptations? Then come along to Imperial College
London and experience the Dramatic Society's production of 'Maskerade'.

The show runs from Wed 3rd Dec til Sat 6th Dec in the Imperial College
Union - all performances start at 7.30pm and tickets are merely £6
(£4.50 for students). I could say something about cutting our own
throats, but you'd probably object, so I won't.

Full details, and online ticket reservations, at
http://dramsoc.org/maskerade/ - directions to the venue at
http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/about/location/beit.php

--Etienne Pollard
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3


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