WOSSNAME -- JUNE 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) HOBBIT RECIPE FROM DISCWORLD

To the Editor:

In my re-reading of The Hobbit, I've noticed a reference to a foodstuff
called cram, that bears a passing resemblance to dwarf bread and/or
Twoflower's Traveller's Digestives.

If you want to know what cram is, I can only say that I don't know the
recipe; but it is biscuitish, keeps good indefinitely, is supposed to be
sustaining, and is certainly not entertaining, being in fact very
uninteresting except as a chewing exercise. It was made by the
Lake-men for long journeys.

Note that while it was made by the men of the Lake town, at the time it is
being eaten by the dwarves.

Secondly, could there be a connection between Roundworld film star Boris
Karloff, born Henry Pratt, and Discworld opera star Enrico Basilica, born
Henry Slugg?

-- ConMan

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  MORT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the word
backwards and discover  Death's greatest secret.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1987 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER: T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. A harmless drink made mainly from apples - 1st letter

2. Plants that grow backwards in time - 1st letter

3. A young wizard in Sto Lat - 5th letter

4. Foremost tavern in Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter

5. Death's horse - 2nd letter

6. Death's manservant -  6th letter

7. Death's daughter - 5th letter

8. What Death was seeking in Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter

9. Princess of Sto Lat - 4th letter

10. Mort's father - 1st letter

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Death's greatest secret
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE:
EQUAL RITES

1. Home town of first female wizard (FFW) to be admitted to
     Unseen University - 2nd letter  BAD ASS = A

2. River traders on the Ankh - 4th letter ZOONS = N

3. Eldest brother of  FFW in 1 above - 3rd letter JAIMS = I

4. Father of FFW in 1 above - 3rd letter GORDO = R

5. Archmage of the Wizards of the Silver Star - 4th letter
CUTANGLE = A

6. Landlord of The Fiddler's Riddle - 2nd letter
SKILLER = K

7. Young male wizard in training - 1st letter
SIMON = S

8. A hideous old dark god of the Necrotelicomnicon - 2nd letter
BEL-SHAMHAROTH = E

A_/N_/I_/R_/A_/K_/S_/E_/  = First name of FFW in 1 above
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/         ESKARINA

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SPECIAL WOSSNAME BULLETIN
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

For those planning to attend the KFL Spanish Section Discworld Con
in Madrid, we've just received a date clarification.  The dates are
not July 23 and 24 as previously reported, but JULY 13 and 14.

For more information, here's the text of what they sent us, in its
usual garbled robot translation:

Indeed:  even more facilities so that you can attend Ankh - Madriz!!!!

If you want to attend, and if you need room, or eaten, or what is...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY HE/SHE SWIMS IN ADVANCE!

It is not fantastic? Be not to advance money! Simply, go by
http://es.geocities.com/ankh_madriz, inscribios, and you
will already pay what is when you are here.

(the only exception is the T-shirt... very beautiful,
I design exclusive Aranluquiano, but it is necessary
to pay in advance, because if not we cannot make them
OR:) In the web it puts where to enter it)

So that... VENID TO ANKH-MADRIZ THE DAYS 13 AND 14!!!
you won't be sorry... and you KNOW that YES you will be
sorry if you don't make it! Think of it! ;) Eleder

"The fantasy is inoculated in your intellect which
vaccinates against the sordid subsistence, when
John's sting Ronald Reuel Tolkien is inserted in
the pathological cerebral hemispheres of all reader
that he/she suffers the success to consent to its
therapeutic saga."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * *

DISCWORLD SPANISH FAN LIST
The only list in which the mail have magic load.

    THE MAGICIAN'S SHEPHERD'S CROOK HAS A KNOT IN THE TIP--

Official Web:  www.guardianocturna.turincon.com Web of the mail list:

or try Aranluc herself at:

http://geocities.com/aranlucx/
or e-mail her directly at: ankh_madriz@...
for more details on the Con.
You can also try: aranlucx@...

We'd appreciate a report in English or Spanish from
those who attend.

Enjoy the con, if you can get there!

Joe Schaumburger
Editor
WOSSNAME

TERRY WINS!

A special report from Colin Smythe, Terry's agent:

"I'm delighted to say that Terry won the 2001 CILIP Carnegie Medal for THE
AMAZING MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS.

"The Award was announced at a ceremony at the British Library today. He was
given the award by the Special Guest Tony Hart whose painting skills have
delighted viewers of BBC TV for nigh on 50 years, who also gave the Kate
Greenaway award for the best illustrated book to Chris Riddell as illustrator
of Richard Platt's PIRATE DIARY."

[CILIP stands for Chartered Institute of Library and Information
Professionals]

The following is the PR release sent out by Doubleday:
==========================================

Terry Pratchett wins coveted
Carnegie Medal

The most prestigious award for children’s literature, the Carnegie Medal, has
this year been awarded to one of the country’s most popular novelists.

Terry Pratchett’s first novel for children for five years, The Amazing
Maurice and his Educated Rodents was today announced as the 2001 winner.  At
a ceremony held at The British Library, Terry Pratchett was presented with
his medal by representatives from CILIP, the body responsible for
administrating the award.

“Our decision was unanimous,” says Karen Usher, Chair of this year’s
judging
panel.  “This is an outstanding work of literary excellence – a brilliant
twist on the tale of the Pied Piper that is funny and irreverent, but also
dark and subversive.  It is a rich multi-layered story with a pacy plot and
excellent characterisation.  Terry Pratchett uses his trademark wit and
humour to question our society’s attitudes and behaviour in a way that is
totally accessible for children of 10 years and over.”

In spite of having 48 books in print and worldwide sales in excess of 27
million, this is the first mainstream literary award that Terry Pratchett has
won.  “I’m totally delighted and genuinely shocked,” says Terry.  “I’d
have
bet £1000 against me!  I’m especially pleased because Maurice isn’t just
fantasy but funny fantasy, too.  It’s nice to see humour taken seriously.”

Maurice is the first children’s book set in Pratchett’s imaginative creation
-Discworld.  It is a story within a story; a rich satire of the well-known
Pied Piper tale peopled by intelligent rats, an equally intelligent,
streetwise tomcat, Maurice, and Keith ‘a stupid looking kid’ with a pipe.
Maurice masterminds a moneymaking scam; they infest town after town and until
Keith gets paid to pipe them away. All is well until they enter the
beleaguered Bad Blintz where they encounter Malicia Grim, a girl who inhabits
a world of fairy stories, and a dark and sinister evil - a totally new
concept for the rats.

His previous books for children have enjoyed considerable best-selling
success and have been shortlisted for many awards including the Carnegie
Medal (1994, 1997), The Guardian Children’s Fiction Award (1993, 1997), and
the Children’s Book Award (1997).  He won the 1993 Writers Guild Award
(Children’s Books) for JOHNNY AND THE DEAD and in 1996 was awarded the
Smarties Prize Silver Award (9-11 age category) for JOHNNY AND THE BOMB in
1996.
----------------------
-- Colin

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
July 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 7)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) FIRST SPANISH KFL KEVIN CONVENTION

====Part 2

2) DISCWORLD FAN PARTY AT WORLDCON
3) WORLDWIDE PRATCHETT MEET-DAY
4) U.K. CONVENTION UPDATE
5) LORDS AND LADIES: THEATRE REVIEW

====LETTERS====

6) AMAZING MAURICE
7) STRANGERS ONNA TRAIN
8) WHAT *IS* THE DISCWORLD SERIES?

9) PUZZLE: SOURCERY

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) FIRST SPANISH KFL KEVIN CONVENTION
         ANKH-MADRIZ: CAVE CADERE INTRA FOSAS

On July 13-14 about 70 Discworld fans from all over Spain met in
the capital city, Madrid, for what turned out to be quite a crazy
weekend. As you can see in the sub-title, we have happily adopted
the name Lyn Pratchett gave to all of his husband's fans some time
ago. So a University Residence got full of Kevins (and, for some
reason, of people who had a toga party) for a full weekend.

On Saturday 13 we all got our accreditation's with our (nick)names,
along with the programme, which included some warnings about a city
permanently under parking and tunnel construction (hence the con's
motto). After meeting in the real world with the people we had
spoken to in the net, the general conclusion achieved was that we
were more scary in person.

The first act was simply the presentation of the con and the
distribution - the best word would be 'pillage' - of some promotional
stuff Terry's Spanish publisher had sent specially. Since none of
us was still ready to accept that the convention was a success,
because none of us expected to meet as many as another 69 Kevins,
the welcome speech was rather short and in the lines of 'Right,
we're all here,  there's no one missing, so let's have lunch'. We
did so.

The first and only afternoon was spent learning and playing a
Cripple Mr Onion tournament with quite good prizes: some copies of
the latest Pratchett book published in Spain, 'Lords and Ladies',
a 'Witches Abroad' (which is some kind of rarity here, not being
printed anymore), a 'DW Companion' and a 'Science of Discworld'.

And I say 'learning' and 'playing' because about half of the time
stipulated for the tournament was invested in each of them. At
the end, each of the tables was playing with their own version of
the rules and eventually there was no time for arguing which table
was right AND playing a second round, so we just argued and left
over the second round (and maybe even a final round) for the future
time when we stopped being CMO newbies. But everyone liked the game
very much, and even though it's quite confounding and complicated,
it's not as confounding and complicated as some of the regional
versions of the card games we have around here.

The nice guys who had arranged all this madness had still some
surprises in store. The first one was a singalong. El Puercoesp�n,
the KFL Spanish-speaking-section newsletter, had published some
Discworld filks by Aranluc, and the Madrid coven had produced one
more, so we were sang at 'a capella' by three people on the stage
and THEN we were given the lyrics to sing along. The most lunatic
bit was when we all sang the Copperhead top hit 'Gold gold gold'.
The songs were interspersed with some bits of acting: The UU Ceremony
of the Keys in 'The Last Continent' (incredibly funny on the stage
on its own!) and the demon invocation in 'Wyrd Sisters', in which
the guy who played the demon was REALLY scary and must have had
a broken jaw to utter those blood-freezing screams.

And later on someone decided that editing a DW newsletter meant both
knowing what one is talking about and being able to make a public
speech, so my co-editor Lord Vetinari II and I were forced onto the
stage. (My other co-editor, Lady Aranluc, somehow managed to escape --
maybe being in the con crew had something to do with it). Lord
Vetinari made a speech with the title "Tratatum diversarum magicarum
et asotiatas activitates: differentiae intra brugarum magorumque
magias", which was quite appropriate because 'Lords and Ladies' has
just been published here.

I decided to let go of Latin and just mumbled about "Discworld Evolution
and 50 Ways To Kill People Who Force You Onto A Stage", a title
which just hid some minor background spoilers of the DW books still
not translated into Spanish. (But I warned everyone half a second
before spoiling anything with a sheet with SPOILER! written on it,
so that they could cover their ears, mind you). Oh, and some ideas
on murdering which really shouldn't be taken into account by anyone.

When we managed to escape, we hid in a nearby bar and laid low there
while waiting for suppertime, scheduled to be in a Klatchian
restaurant. We were looking forward to asking for some cous-cous or
even curry, but at the end it turned out to be a Chinese (Agatean)
restaurant, and since we weren't given enough chopsticks,  we had to
resort to eating millennium shrimps with our hands.

And the night came. Some people went back to the residence to have
a ritual reading of some bits of the not-printed-anymore, most
wanted books ('Reaper Man', 'Moving Pictures' and 'Witches Abroad'),
while some others just wrapped up and went to drink at the pubs. Since
I was in the last group, I cannot say how the reading went, but
reliable reports assert that the residence rooms had the length and
width of some of the most reclusive monk monasteries. About 3 square
feet. One strange thing, though: we all saw people in togas wandering
around and laughing a lot. Maybe it was an alternative (and somehow
funnier) DW Con, but no reports of it have come to us, so we must
assume that they were just your common toga people.

The next day dawned with quite a great hangover in my case, but I
managed to get to the con site eventually. I couldn't attend to
the 'Wyrd Sisters' DVD projection with specially-made Spanish
subtitles, but I did get to the prize-giving ceremony because I had
a copy of the unfindable 'Moving Pictures' in Spanish to exchange
with whoever won the DW Companion if he couldn't read in English,
and needed time to make proper publicity of this fact. The prizes
were given, the exchange was made and some promo books and stuff
were assigned to the attendants by the innocent hand of a boy who
was around.

We all signed a card to be sent to Mr Pratchett with a little present.
The first thought was to send him a huge fluffy toy orangutan, but
then it was argued that maybe real orangutans would be more
thankful for the money spent than him, so he'll just get a little cheap
thingy, serve him right for talking so much about the poor apes.
And said apes will get about 100$-- not much, we know, but it's
all of the unexpected income a non-profit convention raised.

Everyone went home after that, having a long trip ahead before a
working Monday that was approaching, tired and still hung over in
some cases, but happy for having been in Ankh-Madriz and looking
forward the next summer's Convention, location still unknown.
This was the first one. There will be more.

                                                    -- Manu Viciano

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I've also translated some extracts from the Con programme in case
you want some extra stuff (they're all written by Aranluc). They
were originally written in something resembling old Spanish -- I've
just made what I could to put them in something resembling the
Old (Dog) English Terry sometimes uses. As always, some editing
will be required. (Ed: Not at all.  It read a lot better than the drivel
my robot translation program produces.)


           T H E   A N K H - M A D R I Z   T I M E S
           -----------------------------------------

                KEVIN CONVENTION IN ANKH-MADRIZ
           The Citie Prepares for Whatever is Cominge

In our most hotte ande unworrying hour a terrible inundation of fans
of the Erratic English Author Terrence Pratchett, commonly denominated
as 'Kevinses', has come to assault our moste emblematic streets.
The authorities have unrolled all the securitie mediums available
to counter the brawles and damage expected to be donne by suche a
strange and unforeseeable people.

Rumour has it that thys people comes from a dangerous clandestyne
sect which dwells in the sewerage, butt we feel more inclined to
believe that they dwell in disguise amongste our respectable
cityzens, hidinge their Kevin condition from the Eyes of Society.
Thys paper, The Ankh-Madriz Times, has asked the most prestigious
health authorities if Said Kevin condition is typified as a Mind
Disease, butt has got no answer.

Our loved ande respected Patrycian Lord �lvarez del Manzanari
[Madrid's major's name is �lvarez del Manzano], qwestioned about
the measures to be taken, has answered: 'Kevinses? Whatte's a
Kevin? We have no such thyng in thys Town'.

               CITYZEN ALERT: ASSASSIN HOUSEWARES!

A peacefull cityzen bought a design chest last Tuesday for his
new house in the welle-knowne IDEA mega-stores. The chest was solde
in pieces to be ensambled by the user, and it held up over a basing
of multiple little legges. Yesterday, when the cityzen armed it in
the presence of his familie, the chest suddenly came alive and
swallowed the Whole familie, escaping soon after that.

The Guilde of Carpenters denyes its responsibility in the case
and puts the blame on the enormous stores whych supply housewares.
IDEA stores's manager, Olaf B�dt�ste, has Putte The Matter In The
Hands Of Justice. The chest was last seen by the Puerta de Alcal�,
where it ate a group of six japanese tourists along with all of
their photographick stuffe, about six tonnes on the whole.

The Patrycian of Ankh-Madriz, Lord �lvarez del Manzanary, has
asserted: 'Assassin housewares? Whatte's an Assassin housewares?
We have no such thyng in thys Town'.

--  Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 2 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 2

WOSSNAME -- JULY 2002 -- PART 2 OF 2 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) DISCWORLD FAN PARTY AT WORLDCON

The members of the Seamstress Guild of Ankh Morpork (California
Chapter) invite you to a Discworld Fan Party in honour of their
esteemed founder, Mr. Terry Pratchett, to take place on Friday,
August 30th from 7 - 10 pm at the World Science Fiction and Fantasy
Convention in San Jose, California (U.S.A.). Please visit
http://www.conjose.org for more details or write to Denise Connell,
the party's organizer at info@...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) WORLDWIDE PRATCHETT MEET-DAY

The first-ever International Terry Pratchett Fan MEETUP Day is
Monday, August 5 @ 7:00PM, and then every month thereafter!

MEETUPs are apparently informal, local, face-to-face gatherings
where Terry Pratchett fans of all types can talk about
all-things-Pratchett... AND make new friends in the process.

All MEETUPs are FREE and are happening in over 500 cities WORLDWIDE!

They've tried to make it easy by picking some good MEETUP spots for
this event, including local cafes, restaurants, and stores.

Check out the Terry Pratchett MEETUP page at:
http://tpratchett.meetup.com

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) U.K. CONVENTION UPDATE

With just days before fans converge on Leicestershire for the Convention,
the Con Committee has announced the release of the official Convention
T-shirt, designed by Paul Kidby. The shirt, featuring a Nac Mac Feegle,
can be pre-ordered for collection at the Convention or dispatch in early
August.

Be sure to order early as these shirts are a limited edition and will only be

available whilst stocks last. The sizes available are S, M, L, XL and XXL.

The Con Chairman  reports:

"We have now completed the programme arrangements with over
100 unique programme items planned for the weekend. Our hotel
team have hammered down the bar prices on beers and spirits to
the lowest levels I have seen at a Discworld Convention. We are also
arranging a selection of bottled ales for the discerning drinkers
amongst our members. See the Website for more details.

"Colin Smythe has raided his treasure trove of Discworld collectibles
and has donated over 50 items to the charity auction, and other
Discworld personalities have also been very generous with their donations.

"We also have Convention badges and keyrings available on the Website
for order now.

"And, for a very limited time, whilst stocks last, we have available supplies

of the first 5 Discworld diaries at prices that will blow you away. Recent
sale prices of the 1998 Discworld diary on Ebay were over �20.00 and we
have it available for just �14.50 (plus postage and packing). The diaries
range in price from �11.99 to �14.50.

"If you want to complete your collection of these extremely sought-after
items, be sure to order now. If you get through to the payment area, your
order is secured.

"There is still time to join online, so get to the Website -
http://www.dwcon.org/ - and book a ticket today.

"See you at the Convention!"

-- Paul A Rood, Chairman

2002: A Discworld Odyssey
16th-19th August 2002, Hinckley, UK
http://www.dwcon.org/

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) LORDS AND LADIES/Theatre Review

Arena Arts and Entertainment presents Lords and Ladies
adapted by Irana Brown and directed by Simon James.
Where: Hayman Theatre, Curtin University, Australia
When:  8pm on 10-13 and 17-20 July
Cost:  $14/$10
Phone: 9362 4080 or 9362 4550

I went to see this last night, and enjoyed it.  The
acting was good, and it was well adapted.  (It's been
a while since I read Lords and Ladies though.)
Granny, Magrat and Casanunda were particularly
memorable, and the elves were suitably sinister.
There was a nice touch with having the elves offstage
and having their voices come from different places.
Costumes, sets, sound and lighting were good, and the
stick and bucket dance was great!

-- Jehane, in Perth, trying to type with frozen fingers.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) AMAZING MAURICE

To the Editor:

It was the last book my sisters read to mum before she, er completely
Disappeared into fantasy land. The day before she died she had a quite sane
conversation with one of the nurses about the book, remarking it was one of
the best children's books she had read in 99 years.   She wanted to know
did Maurice go off and get a new rat plague after the others settled down
and she was worried about him being lonely. Sometimes mum was in the here
and now but mostly in fantasy land with Terry Pratchett's characters.

-- Dianne

To the Editor:

How very wonderful! I can't think of a better way to drift away than having
private conversations with the inhabitants of the Disc. I hope I get to be
that lucky.

-- Dru.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) STRANGERS ONNA TRAIN

To the Editor:

I was sitting on the train on my way to Manchester the
other day, reading Pyramids, and managing not to laugh
out loud on trains at all, when I heard a giggle from the
bloke sat next to me. I glanced at his book and saw the
word Rincewind, so I turned to him and said 'which one
are you reading then?'  He was reading The Last Continent,
and a discworld-type conversation ensued!

I just found it amusing!

-- Fuzzy (aka Fiona Wynn)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) WHAT *IS* THE DISCWORLD SERIES?

To the Editor:

> * From: "Dee Owen" <deeowen@...>
> *
> I was just wondering about a small bit of information in this
> month's edition of Discworld Monthly.  In regard to Terry's new
> books, it states that 'The Amazing Maurice and his Educated
> Rodents', is a non Discworld novel yet the front cover on the hard
> back edition distinctly states on the bottom of the cover, under the
> title, that it is indeed 'A Story of Discworld'.

[snip]

> DWM replied:  TAMAHER is not  officially considered to be a
>Discworld Novel in that it doesn't fit > in the Discworld series.
>It is however set on the Discworld.

What *is* the Discworld series?

Does this mean that Pyramids isn't a Discworld novel? How about the
Thief of Time, Moving Pictures or Equal Rites? When PTerry wrote The
Colour of Magic, was it not a Discworld novel because there was no
series for it to be part of at that time? Did it only become a
Discworld novel when The Light Fantastic was published?

Surely all it takes to be a Discworld novel is for something to be (i)
a novel and (ii) set on the Discworld?

In any case, Maurice and his Educated Rodents have already been
mentioned once before, by the Wizards in Reaper Man. The exact quote is:

    "Yes," said the Senior Wrangler. "We don't need to do that. We get
over most things. Dragons, monsters. Rats. Remember the rats last year?
Seemed to be everywhere. Lord Vetinari wouldn't listen to us, oh no. He
paid that glib bugger in the red and yellow tights a thousand gold
pieces to get rid of 'em."
    "It worked, though," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    "Of course it bloody worked," said the Dean. "It worked in Quirm and
Sto Lat as well. He'd have got away with it in Pseudopolis as well if
someone hadn't recognised him. Mr so-called Amazing Maurice and His
Educated Rodents!"
                                  ******************
I would be very surprised if PTerry himself would consider Maurice to
not be a Discworld novel. I think the confusion has come about from the
publishers, who marketed Maurice as a children's' book (it has chapters
and everything) and can't wrap their minds around the concept that a
book can be both a children's fantasy novel and an adult Discworld
novel at the same time.

-- Steven D'Aprano

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  SOURCERY
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the word
backwards and discover  the death of all wizardry,
sometimes called  the Teatime of the Gods.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1988 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER: T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. The Destroyer - barbarian hero in woolly underwear - 4th letter

2. Bursar of UU - surname -  1st letter

3. Father of the Sourcerer - 2nd letter

4. The UU Lore Master - 8th letter

5. Keeper of the Books - 1st letter

6. Gateway city to Klatch - 1st letter

7. The awful effect of Klatchian coffee - 4th letter

8. Daughter of the famous barbarian - 1st letter

9. Candidate for Archchancellor - 7th letter

10. Ruler of Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter

11. Rincewind's faithful companion - 5th letter


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/   = The death of all wizardry
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: MORT

1. A harmless drink made mainly from apples - 1st letter
        SCUMBLE = S
2. Plants that grow backwards in time - 1st letter
        REANNUALS = R
3. A young wizard in Sto Lat - 5th letter
        CUTWELL = E
4. Foremost tavern in Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter
        MENDED DRUM = M
5. Death's horse - 2nd letter
        BINKY = I
6. Death's manservant -  6th letter
        ALBERT = T
7. Death's daughter - 5th letter
        YSABELL = E
8. What Death was seeking in Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter
        FUN = F
9. Princess of Sto Lat - 4th letter
        KELI = I
10. Mort's father - 1st letter
        LEZEK = L

S_/R_/E_/M_/I_/T_/E_/F_/I_/L_/ = Death's greatest secret
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 2 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) PRATCHETT ON TOLKIEN

For those who have not yet come across it, Terry has an
article called 'Cult Classic' in  MEDITATIONS ON
MIDDLE-EARTH, edited by Karen Haber, New York:
St Martin's Press, 2001, hardcover (ISBN 0-312-27536-6).
It will be published in the US in paperback in October
2002. It is already available for download to Adobe and
Microsoft readers.

The US edition is still available in hardcover from Barnes
& Noble for $24.95 and from Amazon.com for $17.47.
It is illustrated with 21 monochrome interior illustrations by
the well-known Tolkien illustrator John Howe.

It was published in Britain as a paperback by Earthlight
(an imprint of Simon & Schuster) in May 2002
(ISBN 0-7432-3100-7).

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) NEW DW FIGURES

Clarecraft has announced the imminent launch
of two new figurines, Igor and Granny Weatherwax,
and are now taking advance orders for them,
For details, see the Clarecraft site at:
http://www.discworldshop.com/

Also, Trish Baker has just released her Collectors'
Guide to Discworld Figurines from Clarecraft. This is
available from their online shop at:
http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/Online_Catalogue_Books_66.html

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) SAMUEL VIMES: A LIFE

'In the embrace of his gutter, half a mile away, Captain Vimes of
the Night Watch opened his mouth and started to sing.'

Thus was I  introduced to Vimes, way back in 'Guards!Guards!'.  For me,
it was a pivotal moment;  I was already a Discworld appreciator, having read
'The Colour of Magic' and 'The Light Fantastic', but the  of
Vimes made me a diehard fan.

I've heard it said that Vimes, and the Watch, are among Terry Pratchett's
favourite characters. I *haven't* heard it said, but I somehow suspect,that
Vimes embodies quite a lot of the author's personal philosophy. By that I
don't mean to impute that Pterry is speciesist (who knows?) - rather that
the Vimes disregard for bureaucrats and class systems and silly little rules
written by silly little people who don't have to live with those rules on a
day to day basis, is very much a Pratchett sympathy.

It's been fascinating,for me, to watch the ethos of Vimes growing and
evolving - fleshing out - and to watch how Vimes-the-character has
progressed through a series of changes of circumstance,ever upward in
Ankh-Morpork society, without losing his basic principles or losing the
ability to do his job to the max.

When Samuel Vimes of the Night Watch was first introduced, he was to all
appearances a typical Fictional Iconoclast Copper, hard-bitten, alcoholic,
as dirty as any Harry you care to name, but vaguely honourable (as dirty
Harry's are meant to be). He's still hard-bitten,iconoclastic and a
recovering alcoholic, but time and experience and lurve and promotions
have forced him to think in larger terms. Slowly and painfully - and I think
  if Vimes could speak for himself, he'd deny this with vehemence - he's
coming closer to the Vetinari view, otherwise known as the Really Big
Picture.
Yes, he came from absolute poverty, from the lowest 'decent' stratum of A-M
society, whereas Vetinari was the product of an old and genteel family, but I
find
that both men love the city and feel duty-bound and honour-bound to do the
best by her...even if honour binds them to actions that are in and of
themselves dishonourable.

One thing I like about Vimes is the way he snookers himself with his own
prejudices. Look at the way the Watch has grown, and the way it's become
a field leader in interspecies relations : I can't imagine that would have
happened under any other Watch leader. The man is a true egalitarian - he
dislikes everyone with the same fervour (except for vampires, but give him
time and who knows?  I think perhaps his meetings with Lady Margolotta may
eventually apply a wedge to that oyster).  He has a quality I very much
admire, also, namely that he keeps his prejudices mostly private. Witness
that
first meeting with the newly-arrived Cheery Littlebottom. Talk about iron
self-control!

Sam Vimes drives his Watchmen hard,but he drives himself far harder. I'd
say too hard, but then, he seems to do some of his best coppering when he's
nearly at breaking point (and isn't Lord Vetinari a genius at keeping him
there!). He's possibly the only high-ranking person in Ankh-Morpork who is
willing to entertain a good idea no matter where it comes from; in fact,he'd
credit Nobby's suggestions well ahead of Ronnie Rust's, which is on balance
sensible - though Nobbs v. Rust is a bit neck-and-neck - but a rare
attribute in Morporkian society. Best of all, he has always put the
spirit of the law above the letter of the law, and never tried to dodge
responsibility for his own decisions. What a man, what a mighty good man...

I loved the ending of 'Guards!Guards!' and was delighted that Pterry decided
to continue Sam and Sybil's relationship. It's been great to watch Vimes
going through the slow process of dismantling his inner defences and
discovering that it's possible to be emotionally attached to *anything* that
isn't police work. At the same time,he's also been slowly learning that his
wife can provide insights into his 'office work', and sometimes even
heat-of-the-moment backup in the time-honoured Buddy Cop manner!

I could go on and on, and who knows, I might. For now, I'll just say - if you
haven't read all the books covering the Vimes Saga,do it now. Or I'll set
Detritus on you,complete with supercooling helmet *and* Piecemaker.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) EVOLUTION OF GRANNY

To the Editor:

(In which I manage to be on-topic *and* use a forbidden
word, all in the one post...)

It'd been years since I last read Equal Rites. I remember
thinking, after the Witches Trilogy (which I always thought
of as Wyrd Sisters/Witches Abroad/Lords and Ladies,
despite the inclusion of Equal Rites in the omnibus
edition), that Pterry had done Granny 1.0 entirely wrong, so
much so that he should have started with a new Granny-type
character for the Lancre NonCoven.

But yesterday I re-read Equal Rites. The essential Grannyness of Granny
shines through from her second appearance, even though there are a few
out-of-character bits here and there ( for example, her Nanny-like cooing
at the newborn Esk ). But there are some physical discrepancies that bother
me : there are references to her having warty hands and a hooked nose, and
that *can't* be right, plus she seems awfully easy to corrupt vis a vis the
soft-living ways of Ankh-Morpork witchdom.

Anyone think we should lend the Tim Mashin to Pterry
so he can go back and deal with continuity breaches?

-- Noisy Cow

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) TERRY'S FAVOURITE BOOK

On Mon 12 Aug, Steven D'Aprano wrote:

> On a more serious note, if you had one question to ask PTerry, what
> would it be?

My friend asked him which his favourite book was, and he said (this was
around Hogfather time) the ones about the Watch, probably Men at Arms
or Guards, Guards.

-- Fuzzy (aka Fiona Wynn)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
August 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 8)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Megan Perry
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) "THE NIGHT WATCH" - A REVIEW
2) LATEST MELMEET REPORT
3) NIGHT WATCH BOOK SIGNINGS - U.K.

====Part 2

4) PRATCHETT ON TOLKIEN
5) NEW DW FIGURES
6) SAMUEL VIMES: A LIFE
7) EVOLUTION OF GRANNY
8) TERRY'S FAVOURITE BOOK

====Part 3

9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: WYRD SISTERS

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1)  "THE NIGHT WATCH" - A REVIEW

Night Watch is the 28th Discworld novel (or the 30th, for those of us who
count TAMAHER and the two Science of Discworld books). It's - to my delight
- another Vimes story. It also features the Watch. Well, the Night Watch.
Well, the *old* Night Watch. I'm not giving anything away there,  because
the blurb, which has been available online for a while now, says as
much; for those of you who haven't seen it, or who have short attention
spans, here is the blurb in its entirety:

'This morning, Commander Sam Vimes of the City Watch thought he had it all.
He was a Duke. He was rich. He was respected. He had a silver cigar case.
He  was about to become a father. This morning, he thought longingly about
the
good old days. Tonight, he's in them. Flung back in time by a mysterious
accident, Sam has got to start all over again. He must get a new name and a
job. He must track down a brutal murderer. He must find his younger self and

whip him into shape. Because Sam Vimes knows what's going to happen. He
*remembers* it. It's part of history. And you can't change history...But he
is
going to. He has no choice. But if he succeeds,  he's got no wife, no child,
no riches, no future...'

When I first read that blurb, I was in the utter horrors. 'O gods, please
don't  kill
off Vimes!' I cried to myself. 'And not Sybil, after the two of them have
finally
found some sort of happiness together! Aargh and  similar thoughts. Well,
readers, the good news is that it doesn't happen like  that, although as
always,
nothing is simple. Oh, and by the way, that  'mysterious accident' is magical

in nature, but no-one turns into an orangutan - or out of one...

The early scenes in Night Watch are full of the usual gigglemaking goings-on

and delightful punes, but then the story grows deadly serious and pretty much

stays that way. Readers who only come for the humour may find this
frustrating,
but for my part I found it one of my instant favourite Discworld books. What
it
lacks in slapstick and nonsense, it makes up for with a generous dose of grim
  but ultra-sharp irony, plus Pterry's usual lashings of right-on-the-mark
social satire.

Night Watch expands the Ankh-Morpork Universe, as it were, filling in yet
more of the blanks in the Discly history books. It also deals very cleverly,

i.e. with the typical Pratchett disregard for Sacred Fictional Traditions,
with
the matter of time-travel paradoxes. I cannot recommend it too highly. I
didn't
get as transported by delight as usual by Thief of Time, but Night Watch
ROCKS!!!
I'd give it a twelve

Trust me, you're gonna love this one. If I said otherwise, I'd be...cutting
me
own throat...

-- Granny Tude

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) LATEST MELMEET REPORT

MINI-MELMEET
18th August 2002

held at SteVen's Fortress of Avoiding the Neighbours
Melbourne, Australia

THE BERNI REPORT

Lora and Berni check their arsenal - they are going to meet strangers.  Who
are
they really?  They could be ax murderers (Berni & Lora hide their ax)  They
could be real weirdos (Berni pats down her newly dyed hair [red - no not red,
but RED - what can I say - I work at a Uni and I feel old!]  This could be
boring [bring the games]  This could be fun [clear the diary].  How did a few
letters on a screen turn into real people?  When did that happen?  Did those
letters come in small domes that have snow falling if you shake them? (Reaper
Man - my favourite book)

In the rush to get ready, Berni and Lora made the fatal mistake of actually
being ....... ready and .........(horror, horror) early - and caught Stephen
with his pants down! (he was in the shower).  The scary moment of meeting
some
people you have never met but know so well was a good moment for Berni and
Lora....... Dru however seemed to be a little worried and had to immediately
go
to the toilet.  We now know how scary Berni and Lora can be!

Lora and Berni looked around the flat - ahhhhh, this looks just like home.
They
looked at the hosts..... they sound like friends, Lora looked at the big pile
of
healthy vegetables on the table and mutters (where's the jelly.... the
custard.... the sugar......).  Later, after threatening multi-coloured pasta
was
waved and squid ink shapes of dried flour and water were denied, lunch was
served. Mmmmmmmmm said Berni (too healthy by half said Lora).

Lunch was eaten, first and second helpings!  Stephen's failed attempt to burn
a
cd was seen through in a moment and Berni and Lora were finally brought into
*Stephen's room*.  Ooohhhhh, no whips, no chains.... must be carefully hidden
of course.  Wyrd music did drift loudly through the Hex and we now know why
Dru
had to leave Ireland (just joking, just joking don't hit me with those
carefully
hidden chains).

Viewing that Kidby bloke's pictures, Berni realises how little she knew, but
stands
proudly while her prot�g�, Lora, mentions all the right references and finds
the
hidden jokes.  Berni nods and smiles and says to herself "God, I'll have to
read
that again, I missed that bit".

Finally - out comes the custard, the jelly, the fruit.  Dru was remarkably
restrained and although the custard was a perfect throwing/rolling-in
consistency ...... it proved to be the afternoon entertainment for Steve who
struggled with suction, set jelly and runny custard to serve it equally
(although he had a little trouble with the concept of - yes, runny custard
*will*
run into a gap if you keep spooning it out!).  It took much less time to eat
than serve and left 4 happy people!

After 4 happy hours, Lora, who worked for ken-chucky late into the night
before
and was dragged screaming from her bed early to go to a university open day
before lunch, was looking a little droopy and Berni decides to take her home
(getting in all that last minute mothering before subject grows up and
realises
that they are able to make perfectly reasonable choices of their own)

What can I say, no axes in sight, lovely food, great company, the only weird
thing was my hair - Berni and Lora went humming into the sunset "last night I
had a drreeeaammm!".

Dru was really sweet and sent us a thank-you-ish SMS before we were even
home......what did she say?  Stephen had gone to sleep.  Yep, our visit was
exciting for them too!

-- Berni

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) NIGHT WATCH BOOK SIGNINGS - U.K.

Saturday 2 November
1.00pm        Forbidden Planet, 71 New Oxford Street,
London, WC1A 1DG

Tuesday 5 November
4.30-5.30pm    WH Smith, The Arndale Centre,
Manchester M4 3AD

Wednesday 6 November
12.30-1.30pm    Borders, 94-96 Briggate,
Leeds LS1 6NP

5.00-6.00pm    Hammicks, 15 James Street,
Harrogate HG1 1QS

Thursday 7 November
4.30pm      Waterstone's, 128 New Street,
Birmingham B2 2DB

Friday 8 November
12.30-1.30pm    Waterstone's, 22 Cathedral Lanes,
Broadgate, Coventry CV1 1LL

5.00-6.00pm    Ottakar's, 9 The Square,
Market Harborough LE16 7PA

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3

WOSSNAME -- AUGUST 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

THIS MONTH:  SUMMER HOLIDAYS

Through the heat of this summery summer comes  the
answers to the annual nightmare of what to do with your holidays.

March 21 - April 20
The Perhaps Gate

A Perhaps Gate will spend the whole year dreaming of the holidays
in which she'll rest to recover from a year of hard work.  Just one problem
-- usually, for her, resting means climbing Mt. Everest, rowing along
the Mississippi or, if she can't afford any of this, going to Uncle Jack's
farm to work on the compost heaps. And, on top of this, she's happy
this way...

April 21 - May 21
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

When the holidays come, a Vase of Tulips goes back to childhood.
From cutting cardboard figurines with blunt scissors all the way
up to spending the day in a water-park, his dream holidays have a
definite name: Disneyworld.  A Vase of Tulip's theory is that theme
parks should be banned for children under fifteen because they
don't understand a thing and usually just scream and fight in the
queue. And that's strictly for adults, in his opinion.

May 22 - June 21
The Two Fat Cousins

Childhood is the obsession of a Fat Cousin's mind. Hooray, at last
we have time for the small fry!  Any Fat Cousin's parental
activity is structured around her kids, and she usually spends half
of her free time watching senseless animated movies and waiting for
the kids to come out from all those educational activities in which
they have been enrolled. And what if she has no children? Well, then
she becomes obsessed with... making them. Ahem...

June 22 - July 22
Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

To a Double-Headed Kangaroos, with the heat comes, er, his heat.
Something happens at a molecular level with his neurones and suddenly
all the opposite sex members get classified in three categories:
'Definitely yes', 'Maybe' and 'Only in emergencies'. Those poor
kangaroos which are mated or are too old for this depredatory labor
become some sort of embarrassing counselors, an unending source
of practical advice (mostly useless) in the art of not sleeping alone.

July 23 - August 23
The Cow of Heaven

The Cow of Heaven suffers in holiday time from a reverse evolution
process and becomes, from one day to another, a clone of her
parents. She suddenly catches herself watching horrible Saturday
night galas on the TV, or maybe an idiotic soap-opera, reading movie
magazines or just going to the beach wearing an unstylish bikini to
play cards with her old friends.

August 24 - September 23
Mubbo the Hyena

Every summer a Hyena suffers the trauma of facing his own decay.
Everything begins when he tries to put on last year's swimsuit
before the mirror. Weary, fat and feeling old, he notices for the first
time just how many new buildings there are or the shops that have
gone out of business while he was busy at work. With that in
mind, he meets his old friends and sees that, good heavens, one
of them is going bald, another one is unhappily married and that
part-time juvenile delinquent is now wearing a tie and working in a bank.

September 24 - October 23
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

What a Little Group of Stars really likes is the country. She dreams
about going to a lonely and green place, with a clear river and a
lovely little forest. She sees herself crossing hills and valleys
with her backpack, her water bottle and her mountain boots and she
feels happy... until the day that she decides to make her dreams
come true. She takes a train, she gets out in the middle of
aggressive Nature, with no traffic lights, no ice-cream machines,
no air conditioning, no buses, no mobile phones ... and she turns
around and flees back home in panic.

October 24 - November 22
Okjok the Salesman

Holidays bring on a creative state in a Salesman. He digs out pens and
markers from his desk and sets himself to work on his master-
piece. Another group is deep into home improvement projects. They
usually take electric appliances apart or  buy a shelf kit and try to
build it without looking at the instruction booklet, just to make it
more interesting. But when the holidays are over they recover their
sanity,  throw away all the hand-made rubbish they've produced,
hire a professional to clean up the mess and swear that they'll
never touch a screwdriver again.  Until next time.

November 23 - December 21
The Overworked Orang-Utang

What a Orang-Utang really likes is having lots of people around.
Something sings inside her when she finds herself in the middle
of a huge traffic jam on the way to her chosen summer
destination. When she finally gets to the beach,  she lies
down among hundreds of fellow people in the scarce square meter
that's still free, and she is in Nirvana. The mass theme parks with
queues half a mile long, the souvenir shops in which even the flies
have to book in advance ...  this is her thing. She may swear that
the noise, smell, and crowding are disgusting but since she does t
he same  thing summer after summer, she obviously adores it.

December 22 - January 20
The Celestial Parsnip

The only thing we can say about a Parsnips' holiday is that we haven't
the faintest idea of what he does with them. He vanishes from Earth
for a whole month and then comes back with photos of Madagascar, or
with a tribal mask from the Borneo islands, or with a Scottish pipe,
or with a Santiago Way peregrine hat, or... And he's got always the
same untanned skin tone and the same empty pockets. We suspect that,
lacking initiative and money, the Parsnip just locks himself at home
and orders souvenirs on the Internet while he drinks beer in front of the
same old TV reruns.

January 21 - February 18
The Knotted String

A Knotted String shivers just from hearing the word 'holidays'. She
knows that summer means unavoidable family contacts. Dozens of
fat women will try to hug her, dozens of old people will tell her
everything about their diseases, dozens of noisy children will
kick her legs... Lots of speeches to endure, lots of boring memories
to listen to, lots of heavy dishes to eat. Don't even mention
the cousins of the same age with whom she will have to seem to be
getting on well when she doesn't have anything in common with them
and when she knows that, having left childhood behind, she doesn't
even have the recourse of throwing stones at them...

February 19 - March 20
The Flying Moose

With the holidays a Moose has a wonderful fantasy social life to
keep him busy.  Wearing posh clothing, self-assured, the Moose
goes around the most fashionable discos drinking cheap water
out of an expensive mineral water bottle to avoid asking for a drink
which he could not pay for anyway, having spent all his money just
to get in. He dreams about an affair with a movie star or model or
with the snobby daughter of a bank president and about not having
to work for the rest of his life. When he realizes that that can't be
done, he just eyes famous people out of the corner of his eye
and tells his friends about his imaginary adventures.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  WYRD SISTERS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the word
backwards and discover  who the Fool becomes.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1988 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER: T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. The Duke of Felmet's first name (2nd letter)

2. Ghost who carries his head under his arm (1st letter)

3. Mr. Boggis, Bespoke Thief (4th letter)

4. Noted dwarf playwright (3rd letter)

5. Magrat's last name (3rd letter)

6. Granny's nickname (1st letter)

7. Manager of the troupe of actors (1st letter)

8. Nanny's cat  (1st letter)

9. Adopted son of  # 7 above (6th letter)

10. Black ______, powerful witch from Skund (3rd letter)

11. The theater in Ankh-Morpork (4th letter)


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/   = The Fool's destiny.
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: SOURCERY

1. The Destroyer - barbarian hero in woolly underwear - 4th letter
        NIGEL = E
2. Bursar of UU - surname -  1st letter
        SPELTER = S
3. Father of the Sourcerer - 2nd letter
        IPSLORE = P
4. The UU Lore Master - 8th letter
        HAKARDLY = Y
5. Keeper of the Books - 1st letter
        LIBRARIAN = L
6. Gateway city to Klatch - 1st letter
        AL KHALI = A
7. The awful effect of Klatchian coffee - 4th letter
        KNURD = R
8. Daughter of the famous barbarian - 1st letter
        CONINA = C
9. Candidate for Archchancellor - 7th letter
        WAYZYGOOSE =  O
10. Ruler of Ankh-Morpork - 1st letter
        PATRICIAN = P
11. Rincewind's faithful companion - 5th letter
        LUGGAGE = A

E_/S_/P_/Y_/L_/A_/R_/C_/O_/P_/A_/   = The death of all wizardry
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
September 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 9)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) REPORT ON SEAMSTRESS PARTY AT WORLDCON
2) PRATCHETT THEATER IN CZECH REPUBLIC DAMAGED
3) LATEST PERTHMEET REPORT

====Part 2

4) DANMEET REPORT

LETTERS FROM OUR READERS:
5) WHO FIXED THE PALACE?
6) GHOULISH/CRYPTIC
7)  THE NEXT DW INVENTION
8) SECRETS OF THE SNOW QUEEN

====Part 3

9) NOT YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: PYRAMIDS

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) REPORT ON SEAMSTRESS PARTY AT WORLDCON

The members of the Seamstress Guild of Ankh Morpork (California
Chapter) invited Pratchett fans to a Discworld Fan Party in honour of
Terry Pratchett, that  took place on Friday,  August 30th from 7 - 10 pm
at the World Science Fiction and Fantasy  Convention in San Jose,
California (U.S.A.).

Our special WOSSNAME roving reporter Selene attended
and here's how it went:

"I am embarrassed to admit that the place was so crowded that
I couldn't get in the door.  Here is what I could glean:

"The auction to benefit the rainforest orangutans was said to be a
rousing success.  Mr. Pratchett disappeared and somehow in his place
appeared the very living image of C.M.O.T. Dibbler as auctioneer.

"My husband got outbid by a friend with more money than sense for an
autographed set of the ancient Trollish game "Thud" which perhaps I
didn't want in the house anyway.

"The couture of the Seamstresses was a fabulous view of natural
wonders all around, with the help of their personal corsetmakers.
That's about all I can report."

--Susan Fox-Davis, scullery maid

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) PRATCHETT THEATER IN CZECH REPUBLIC DAMAGED

In a special message from the Czech Republic,
Martin Schwartz, editor of Cori Celesti and
head of Klub T. Prachetta, Prague reports:

"The Theatre in Dlouha Street, which has staged Terry's
Wyrd Sisters for more than a year, is among the most
important Czech theatres and  has received many awards.
You may have heard about the heavy flood in the Czech Republic
and this affected Prague, too. The flooding was severe, with
the water reaching a height of over 8 metres, where it is normally
no more than 1.5 metres.

"The theatre is not located on the bank of the river Vltava,
but is not far from it, and is located below ground  The water
  was extremely strong, coming not only from the street,
but also from underground and from the sewers, and people
and staff there had no chance to save the theatre, its storages,
costumes, and  technical equipment. Due to the water rising
so quickly, they only had time to save themselves.
Everything has been damaged. The water was up to the ceiling.

"Terry visited Prague last year, saw the first run of Wyrd Sisters
in this theatre, and seemed to like it. The ensemble will not give
up, in spite of this horrible situation. They have decided to keep the
people in their company together and travel through the country
or to stage the show in their partner theatres, but it will be a
struggle for them to survive."

The DW Convention Committee has discussed their plight with
Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, and has decided to organise a prize
draw to help raise funds for the rebuilding and restoration of the
theatre. They have approached other Discworld personalities and
traders who have been kind enough to donate some fantastic prizes.

Here's a sample of the prizes being offered:

* Night Watch Bound UK proof of the next Discworld novel,
featuring Commander Vimes and a frantic journey through time to
save his future. Donated by Colin Smythe.

* The Science of Discworld II - A bound proof of the popular
science book and Discworld story by Terry Pratchett,
Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart. Bound Proof

*Exact details to be confirmed but a rare chance to get hold
of a proof copy of one of Terry's early books.

*Hogswatch Mug by Bernard Pearson Rare and retired ceramic
mug made by Bernard Pearson.

*Discworld Beer - Two 2 bottles of
Black Hogswatch, limited edition Discworld beer.
Donated by Colin Smythe.

*The Wyrdest Link Signed by Dave Langford.

*Ansible Archive CD-ROM Complete text and graphics
from 1979 to September 2002 featuring many Terry Pratchett
contributions and quotes.

*Signed first edition of War in 2080: The Future of Military
Technology Dave Langford's first book.

*Authentic "CMOT's House of Very Cheape Costumes"
Opera Ghost Mask Worn by Dave Langford at the second
and third Discworld Conventions.

*Signed copy of The Silence of the Langford written by
Dave Langford with a small contribution by Terry Pratchett.

*Discworld Noir for the PlayStation.

*CMOT T-shirts The wonderful, and highly prized, City Watch
and Unseen University T-shirts created and donated by our
very own CMOT Dibbler, Stephen Briggs.

*Terry Pratchett: Guilty of Literature A
collection of essays about Terry Pratchett and his work that
was published by the Science Fiction Foundation. The cover
features Josh Kirby's portrait of Terry Pratchett. Being limited
to a print run of 1000 copies (in paperback form only), this was
a very limited edition book right from the start. This one up for
grabs is particularly rare as it is 1 of only 10 copies to have been
  signed by 3 of the contributors (Farah Mendlesohn, Edward James,
Dave Langford) and by Terry Pratchett himself. Kindly donated by
Bonsai Discworld.

*The Last Hero Paperback edition of the Discworld fable,
including 16 new pages of illustrations by Paul Kidby.
Limited Edition Discworld Print Featuring the artwork of
Josh Kirby and produced by Isis Publishing.

Tickets cost GBP 2.50 each - you can buy as many as you
like until the draw closes on October 8th 2002. All proceeds
of the draw will be donated to the fund for the rebuilding of
the theatre. Colin Smythe has kindly offered to preside over
the draw for prizes and the coordination of the donations.

You can buy tickets  using the online form at:
http://www.dwcon.org/prize_draw.php3
  or send a cheque payable to "DWCon Charity A/C" to
Discworld Convention Prize Draw, PO Box 2002,
Romford RM7 7DQ, UK

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) LATEST PERTHMEET REPORT

A somewhat muddled Perthmeet report comes to us
from our Australian KFL members:

--- sybilrights <bernadine.cammans@...> wrote:

> B* nervously clears her throat.  Thinks, well, the people
> I've met so far are at least human.... maybe I'll try some
> more.

(B = Berni, not Buffy, for the unenlightened)

> Ah hem....."Does anyone live in Perth?  Going there
> late this month for work.  Wanna meet for coffee
somewhere central?"

> B
>
There are a couple of listmembers in Perth; good luck
in organising a meet.  May I suggest Fremantle for the
best coffee [1] and pasta around?  If you need
somewhere closer to the city, then Northbridge has
some good places.

J, ex-sandgroper

[1] I don't drink coffee, so this is hearsay, but the
hot chocolates are great.  Try a Vienna chocolate for
true decadence.  :)

Hi, all sandgropers,

I wouldn't mind a Perthmeet also. We could all grovel around
and share mud pies with all this rain we have had the last
couple of days.

  -Nanny Ogg

See the next issue of WOSSNAME for another
exciting installment.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3

WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------o

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

MORE REPORTS:

4) DANMEET REPORT

Date : 7th September 2002

Location : Fourecks :-) ( near Albury, New South Wales )

Attending : SuperDan, the D'Afanguins, Libwolf

SuperDan having announced that he would be in the Wagga Wagga area
and would like to meet some Mel's Bourners, we agreed to met him halfway
- we took the bigger half. With SteVen at the helm, we set course for the
Ecks-famous Ettamogah Pub. This is an official tourist trap ; for a bit of
background, here's a link ( note spelling ) :

    http://www.csu.edu.au/australia/nsw/albury/etamogah.html

As we barrelled down the Hume Highway at semilegal speeds, the conversation
went like this :

'Look! Sheeps!'

'Look! Cattles!'

'Ooh, alpacas! And emus!'

'Hey, that was a squashed possum!'

'Ooh, sheeps and their young!'

'Cattles and their children!'

'An alpaca and its - no, wait, that's a Shetland pony...'

...and so on. ( Let the record show that we did not indulge in the crime of
sheep-worrying, which contrary to public opinion is not perpetrated only
by dogs : the human version is rolling down the car windows when passing
sheep, and shouting, ''Rosemary! Garlic! MINT SAUCE!!!'' ).

Eventually we came to the townlet of Glen Rowan, famous as the site of
Ned Kelly's Last Stand. There is a 6m tall statue of a man wearing buckets
on his head and body - that commemorates the spot where he was shot, I
assume - and a tawdry tourist shop and not a lot else. Very exciting.

Then on to the Ettamogah pub itself. Not a tourist in sight, but SuperDan
was easy to recognise as he was the only one wearing a Spider-Man cossie
( don't ask ), so we made our introductions and retired up the spiral
staircase to the restaurant floor, where we dined outside in a force 8 gale,
just like the Ewings of Dallas. Over  lunch we discussed several on-topic
subjects, one of which was continued by Paul in his report to BU ; then it
was downstairs again to check out the souvenir shop - out of sympathy for
the bored staff, of course. We wandered out into the spring sunshine minus
a Penguin, who stayed behind looking for gifts. A few minutes later we
heard a horrified squawk : 'Arrgghhh!!! SEVEN DOLLARS for a plastic
stubbie holder!!! Noooo!!!', and he exited in a cloud of feathers, just as a
coach pulled up and disgorged the entire population of an Auriental village,
complete with cameras, and we hid in the underbrush.

Eventually SuperDan intimated that he had to turn into a pumpkin. We
waited in fascination, but Jerm failed to materialise, so we said our
goodbyes and parted fiends.

This reporter will draw a veil over SteVen's comments about the quality of
the land, air and sunshine in NSW, for the sake of avoiding a nuclear
incident. It can, however, be told that we stopped on the way back for
coffee at a MuckyDonald's, and lived to tell the tale. No lawsuits will be
forthcoming :-)

And so back toward Melbourne :

'Look! A truck tyre casing!'

'Ooh, a speed trap!'

'Hey, is that Venus rising or a plane with its headlights on?'

'Ooh, look, sheeps sleeping...'

Yours truthfully,

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) WHO FIXED THE PALACE?

To the Editor:

I've been listening to one of the discworld tapes my mother
had: it's Guards, Guards.  The Dragon wrecked the palace
but in the next book the Patrician's palace is back to the
way it was, or seemed to be. So did the Wizards do
some magic stuff and remake it, or was it rebuilt and I
missed it somewhere?  I just wondered.

-- Dianne

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) GHOULISH/CRYPTIC

To the Editor:

>stoneauk wrote:
> > > 1) How did you start reading pratchett?  >
> > I was working nights in an elderly person's home and
> > someone had left a copy of TCOM behind.
>>I was hooked straight away.
>
>ewwww Anne, that's a bit ghoulish!
>--
>Jase - Director of Acronyms and Soapbox Monitor
>

Ahahahahahohoheehheehahhh Jase!

She *may* have meant that a visitor left it behind :-)

I'll have you know Anne is a fellow vampire, not a ghoul.
Nonetheless, do beware of her meat pies - they actually
have Quorn in them.

-- Noisy Cow

(Ed: Don't ask me what all this means. I just print it.)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) THE NEXT DW INVENTION?

To the Editor:

> > Maiyuran Arumugam <diburaa_san@h... wrote

> >On topic, what's the next invention you reckon PTerry's
> >going to introduce to the Disc in his books - one which
> > has a big impact on the Disc?  Previous include the Gonne
> >and the clacks  towers (sp?). It needn't be a physical invention
> >either (frex -- a  mild example: the new lack-of-assassinations-
> >style-bureaucracy in UU, or  female wizards).

Airborne police?  Maybe a female assassin turning
up as well?

> > I don't know - how does the airborne police idea
> > work?

I dunno...  get a watchman up high, uses semaphore to
let the watch on the ground know where the perp has
got to?  Traffic cops?

Nicking Leonard's design for a helicopter?

-- Dru

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) SECRETS OF THE SNOW QUEEN

To the Editor:

> 1) How did you start reading Pratchett?  If anyone...
<snip Libwolf's empty threats>

I know I've answered this one before. . .
the turtle on the cover of Small Gods attracted me to read the blurb on
the back - sounded interesting, thought I'd try it.  Coincidentally, I'd
bought Flying Sourcerers at the same time and read Turntables of the Night
before even cracking the cover of SG, and decided I really liked Death

> 2) What has reading Discworld done for you?

Lessee, started my world travel stints with my mom, frittered away months'
worth of time chatting and replying to you lot, decreased the size of my
bedroom due to the necessity of buying more book cases.

Neve Regina - custode manichetta antincendio

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3

WOSSNAME -- SEPTEMBER 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) NOT YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

Lady Aranluc, our staff Horoscope editor, writes in a
very charming and colloquial Spanish, which completely
stumps my robot translator program.  Usually, my good
friend Manu, head of our KDL Spanish language section,
and editor of El Puercoesp�n (The Hedgehog), translates
the robot mishmash into excellent and amusing English.
Alas, this month, I forgot to alert him until yesterday, and
we will not have his translation in time for this issue.

Luckily, none of the Discworld zodiac constellations she
writes about are visible from Roundworld, so I see no
problems for most of our readers, except perhaps for
a few visiting Discworld tourists. The missing horoscopes
will, of course, appear in our next issue.

For your amusement, here's a sample of the robot
translation:

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

21 March - 20 April what can be a door (or a cascade, or a tree, or...)

This month you will have a terrible attack of turn to the nature.
You will buy yourself some wooden clogs and a goat and you
will attempt pas - to fight bulls her for the living room of your house
in your free hours intoning Tyrolese songs climbed to the back of
the sofa. After the animal makes his things in all the carpets of the
house and leave a bone falling of the high of the closet you will sell
to the pu�etera goat to a panda of gypsies and you will declare
yourself enemy of all that smells of grass. Good, of almost everything....

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I am dying to know what a "panda of gypsies" is, too,
but I guess we will have to wait.  However, if anyone
is bi-lingual and wants to read the horoscopes in
the original, you can go to Manu's Spanish language
KFL site  at: mundodisco-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  PYRAMIDS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the word
backwards and discover  the name of the Land
of the Pyramids.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1989 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. The Royal Embalmer (2nd letter)

2. Greatest Discworld mathematician (4th letter)

3. The god who endlessly searches for his toenails (1st letter)

4. Goddess of soap bubbles (2nd letter)

5. The cat-headed god (1st letter)

6. Teppic's girlfriend (6th letter)

7. Head pyramid builder (5th letter)

8. The Listener (1st letter)

9. Cobra-headed god of papyrus  (1st letter)

10. First Minister and High Priest (1st letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/  = The Land of  the Pyramids
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: WYRD SISTERS

1. The Duke of Felmet's first name (2nd letter)
        LEONAL = E
2. Ghost who carries his head under his arm (1st letter)
        CHAMPOT = C
3. Mr. Boggis, Bespoke Thief (4th letter)
        FLANNELFOOT = N
4. Noted dwarf playwright (3rd letter)
        HWEL = E
5. Magrat's last name (3rd letter)
        GARLICK = R
6. Granny's nickname (1st letter)
        ESME = E
7. Manager of the troupe of actors (1st letter)
        VITOLLER = V
8. Nanny's cat  (1st letter)
        GREEBO = G
9. Adopted son of  # 7 above (6th letter)
        TOMJON = N
10. Black ______, powerful witch from Skund (3rd letter)
        ALISS = I
11. The theater in Ankh-Morpork (4th letter)
        DYSK = K

E_/C_/N_/E_/R_/E_/V_/G_/N_/I_/K_/   = The Fool's destiny.
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5* /6*/ 7*/ 8*/ 9*/10*/11/

----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
WOSSNAME SPECIAL THEATER BULLETIN
October 2, 2001
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A late news item from Australia with a short date:

              Unseen Theatre Company
by arrangement with Methuen Publishing Pty. Ltd.
                    presents

                Terry Pratchett's

               "THE FIFTH ELEPHANT"

Adapted by Stephen Briggs, Directed by Pamela Munt

     BAKEHOUSE THEATRE - 255 Angas St, Adelaide
OCTOBER 11, 12, 16, 17, 18, 19, 23, 24, 25, 26 at 8.00pm

Unseen Theatre Company presents another episode in the story
of the intrepid City Watch, the law-enforcement officers of
Ankh-Morpork who make the Keystone Cops look good.

Those of you who saw our production of "Men At Arms" may remember
that our beloved Vimes earned a promotion to "Commander" of this
constabulary.

Now he and his country bred, aristocratic wife Sybil have been sent
by the Patrician as ambassadors to Uberwald - a country of Vampires,
Werewolves and Dwarfs. A country which, according to the Patrician
"remains a mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma."

Vimes may now be a Duke but he is still not very good at diplomacy.
He explains Uberwald as a "big suet pudding that everyone's suddenly
noticed" and the coronation of the Low King of the Dwarfs as "an
excuse for everyone to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to
shovel as much on their plates as possible."

He's right of course.

In diplomatic language though, Vimes's job is to establish trade
links with the Low King. He is just a bit confused about why *he*
was given the job. After all, as everyone knows "policemen don't go
on  holiday. Where you get policemen, you get crime." If he goes to
Uberwald, there will be a crime.

He's right again...

Tickets: Adult $14, Concession $12, Group (10+) $10
PREVIEW October 11, all tickets $10 (available only on 8296 2004)
Bookings: Betty on 8296 2004 (8am-8pm, 7 days) or
BASS 131 246 or www.bass.net.au (booking fee will apply)

THEATRE DINNER DEAL with
THAI HUTT RESTAURANT
214 Hutt St, Adelaide.
For $30 you will get an entr�e, main course, soft drink and ticket to the
show.
Book with Betty on 8296 2004

More information at www.unseen.com.au

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Copyright 2002 WOSSNAME

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
October 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 10)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) FIRST DRAMATISATION OF THE NIGHT WATCH
2) FIFTH ELEPHANT PLAY REVIEWED IN AUSTRALIA
3) ELTON MURPHY REPORTS ON NEW CLARECRAFT ITEMS

====Part 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4) MELMEET REPORT: MattMeet
5)  MELMEET REPORT: Boffinmeet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6) WHO FIXED THE PALACE?
7) ANYONE GOT A TLINGAS?
8) ELTON SELLING SOME OF HIS COLLECTION

====Part 3

9)  YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: GUARDS!  GUARDS!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) FIRST DRAMATISATION OF THE NIGHT WATCH

Terry Pratchett's latest DW novel, NIGHT WATCH,
has been dramatised by Stephen Briggs and will be
shown 21 to 25 January 2003 at 7.30 every evening,
with an additional performance at 2.30 on the Saturday,
in the UK at the Unicorn Theatre, Old Abbey Buildings,
Abingdon, Oxon

Produced by the Studio Theatre Club, tickets will be
priced at UKP 6.50. To get your tickets, send your order
with a second and third choice of dates if you're aiming
to attend a weekend performance), your cheque (payable
to STUDIO THEATRE CLUB and  a stamped, self-addressed
envelope to:
Stephen Briggs, PO Box 147, Oxford, OX2 8YT.

WEEKEND PERFORMANCES
If you want to book for a Friday or Saturday, please give a second and
third choice (including a non-weekend performance if at all possible) - if
you don't, and your given choice(s) are sold out, then all they can do is
return your order and cheque). Don't forget that s.a.e.!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) FIFTH ELEPHANT PLAY REVIEWED IN AUSTRALIA
From: The Adelaide Theatre Guide
http://theatreguide.tripod.com/htm_events/reviews.htm#fifth

The Fifth Elephant
Unseen Theatre Company
http://www.unseen.com.au

Bakehouse Theatre,
255 Angas Street, Adelaide,
South Australia
October 11 - 26, 2002

Reviewed by Rod Lewis

There is a quirky array of characters portrayed in
Terry Pratchett's plays based on his successful
Discworld novels. Robin Tatlow-Lord is a dog, before
that, she was an orang-utan, now as the narrator of
Unseen Theatre's latest play by the British fantasy
writer, she is excellent, as she explains the story
of the impending inauguration of a new dwarf Lower
King and an insidious plot to overthrow him.

The title of the play refers to a dwarf legend of
a fifth elephant that fell off the shell of the
Great A'Tuin, the giant space-faring turtle that
supports four elephants which carry the flat
Discworld on their back.

In this timely piece, werewolves, dwarves,
vampires, trolls and humans face a community
steeped in tradition and xenophobia.

Commander Sir Samuel Vimes of the City Watch
(played wonderfully by George Leaman) is assigned
to the town of Uberwald as an ambassador for
the inauguration. He is accompanied by fellow
City Watch police officers Sergeant Detritus
(a troll), Corporal Cheery Littlebottom (a
modern-thinking dwarf), and assassin-come-political
adviser Inigo Skimmer.

Nick Hargreaves threatens to steal the show as
dumb Detritus while Sally Fudge playing Cheery
has the makings of a very funny character if she
takes it a little more over the top. Unseen
stalwart Sam Priestly reprises his role of the
height-enhanced dwarf Captain Carrot, once again
making it his own.

Melanie Munt is a star as always, this time
playing a sexy, savage werewolf and Roger Priess,
playing her brother, is equally superb as the
deadly beast Wolfgang. As vampire Lady
Margolotta, Danielle Seal lacks projection, a
problem also afflicting Nicole Seal playing
Lady Sybil Vimes.

Directors Pamela Munt and Damien White keep
the action flowing fast and frantic although
snappier line delivery by the cast would aid
the cause.

The use of various melodies to accentuate
action or bridge the pauses between scene
changes are deliciously tongue-in-cheek,
including Bad Moon Rising and Heigh-Ho!
from Disney's Snow White.

There is a disappointing lack of attention
to detail however, such as traditional dwarf
Dee wearing nail polish and the werewolf
Baroness decorated with a silver headpiece
and jewellery and the cast upstage themselves
and each other too much by walking behind
people when talking, looking upstage too
much and, in the case of The Patrician, holding
the tall staff in his downstage hand, thus
hiding his face. But with a bit of thought
the problems are all easily rectified by
the more experienced performers and will
hopefully disappear as the season progresses.

Problems aside, fans of Pratchett plays
should get a good laugh out of Unseen's
latest offering, their best so far.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) ELTON MURPHY REPORTS ON NEW CLARECRAFT ITEMS

Clarecraft have just announced the release of their Ninereeds and
Rincewind Limited Edition - there is a choice of two finishes for the
piece (one blue, one red) and each finish is limited to just 500 pieces
worldwide. We've already taken quite a few orders for them, so please
take a look at our site if you are interested. There is a large picture
at:

http://www.discworldshop.com/whats-new.html

Alternatively, you can jump straight to the Discworld section of our
online store at:

http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/Online_Catalogue_Discworld_25.htm
l

We've also added another free competition - to jump straight to it,
please follow the link below:

http://www.discworldshop.com/cgi-bin/quiz/quiztest.cgi?competition

Finally, don't forget that Terry has a UK signing tour soon. It's quite
a short tour by Terry's standards, but with this much notice, you may
well want to make arrangements to travel to the one nearest you. It'll
be worth the effort! The signing tour venues and dates are located at:

http://www.discworldshop.com/terryst.html

For those of you that can't make it to a shop, Amazon currently have a
30 percent discount on the hardback at:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0385602642/anglernet

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3

WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD:
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) MELMEET REPORT #1 - MattMeet

Date : 28th September 2002

Venue : Lucky Chan's Tentacle Emporium :-) and other parts of downtown
             Melbourne, Australia

Attending : Paul the Libwolf, Matt, Bek, SteVen, Dru, Tricia

Failing to Attend Due to The Usual Disasters : Dianne

Failing to Attend Due to The Plague : Lora


Well, here it is, yet another report on yet another Melmeet, and what a good
time to point out to the New South Welsh that they're falling so far
behind that the entire state of NSW is drifting into an alternate
universe...

It being nearly Matt's 21st birthday, we decided to have Yum Cha again. For
those of you unfamiliar with this wondrous experience, it's an Auriental
'brunch' consisting of an almost endless succession of Agateans wheeling
out little carts of "small foods" of various sorts - tentacles, little
envelopes of translucent steamed pastry containing assorted Named Meats,
sweet and savoury buns, seaweeds and such - you choose whatever you
want and share around the table. Either you love Yum Cha or hate it (Jase
keeps
coming up with excuses not to attend when Yum Cha is involved ).

First there was the matter of meeting. Tricia is one of our newbies, so we
didn't know what she looked like except that she was going to be wearing a
black Marilyn Manson t-shirt. Paul spent quite a lot of time running around
Spencer Street station asking women in black t-shirts if they wanted to have
lunch with him. Luckily, he wasn't arrested or beaten up and one of
the women  turned out to be Tricia. Eventually we all met at Lucky Chan's
which is on the banks of the Yarra River which runs through the centre of
Melbourne. It's a lovely spot for fine weather dining. Unfortunately it was
cold windy and throwing down rain. Oh well.

Over lunch we traded various stories and viewed each other's tattoos. Matt
was toasted, and SteVen gave him a tin of sardines ( he'd already eaten the
tin of herring ) and also kindly proved that, in Matt's case, there *is*
such thing as a free lunch. Tricia eyed the platters of tentacles
suspiciously and prodded other dishes until she found Named Meat.

Then it was off for a walk, or a stagger in my case - chronic illness, NOT
alcohol! - along the soggy banks of the Yarra. We tried to get into the
Crown Casino to watch the suckers, but they decided at the entrance that we
weren't the right sort. Obviously we didn't look stupid enough... onwards
for a round of window-shopping and a raid on a CD shop, then across the
river to where the important shops are : COMICS!!!!!! We spent a long time
fondling the exhibits, and left a trail of drool near the Angel display ( no
names mentioned, but it wasn't me ).

Some of the party left early to beat the post-Grand Final rush ( Aussie
Rules Football ). Matt, SteVen and I carried on, and shopped, and wandered
and then had a very long coffee break, sitting outside as the rain had
stopped, and watching all the fascinating multicultural passersby. On the
way to the train, SteVen bought the entire contents of a sushi bar. We said
goodbye to Matt and retired to the Fortress to build up our strength for the
upcoming BoffinMeet in October.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that we also talked about some Brit fantasy author?

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) MELMEET REPORT #2: BoffinMeet

THE LOONINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE MELMEET

Date: 19th-22nd October 2002

Venues: Fasta Pasta (Noble Park), Bek's house, Pancake>Parlour
(Bourke St), Hania's house, Trios (Melbourne Central mall) and
various bits of downtown Melbourne, Australia

Attending (various): Jerm (boffin pumpkin), SteVen,Dru, Libwolf,
Bek, Matt (werecat), Hania (part time Ogg), Jase, and Lora (by
SMS only)

Originally planned as a one-day meet on the 20th to celebrate
NewSouthWelshman Jerm's rare presence in Mel's Bourne, the festivities
started early and just sort of forgot to stop.

First up was a surprise message from Jerm : 'The pumpkin has landed and he
is bored, bored, bored.' It was late in the day to send out a massed call
to arms, so SteVen and Dru joined Jerm and Bek and Bek's DB Jeff for fast
Italian (even though Dru already has one of those) and then retired to
Bek's where we raided bookshelves, watched really naff horror movies and
did a brisk trade in pirate S7 Buffy episodes. It was Jerm's first time
meeting Dru, and he's been a bit pale ever since, though everyone got along
well. We also discovered that Jerm is a secret rally driver. Do NOT put
that man at the head of a convoy!

Bek was also outed as a jolly good closet embroiderer and displayed some of
her collection of embroidered closets.

In a dazzling display of declawed multiculturalism, we moved from pasta to
pancakes at high noon. It was Hania's first Melmeet, and she is a young
lady who truly lives by the Code Of Ogg! Lunch was a bawdy, rowdy, cheerful
affair full of mountains of food, rude jokes, discussions of Pterry and
more rude jokes.

Lora was confined to her Chambers with a severe case of exams (and with B
who had a severe case of plague), so we kept sending her text messages
yumming over each new delicacy and generally making her life miserable (to
judge from her replies).

Hania had the Blackadder theme stuck in her head all morning and
had just announced that she'd suppressed it when SteVen brought
out the video he'd made for Dianne. It was Blackadder, of course!
So off we went singing the Blackadder theme to the accompaniment of
arrrgghhhhs. Next was a tour of several bookshops and a long session at
Minotaur, the Mecca of comix and sci fi delights. After a while our eyes
lit on a copy of The Wyrdest Link and we started playing it in the middle
of the bookshop; of course, they are blessedly inured to this sort of
behaviour, especially since one of us bought a copy.

After a few hours Wolf and Matt ran out of energy - not running on
Duracell obviously - and Jerm, Hania SteVen and Dru had a long
coffee break, did some more wandering and, as night descended, raided
a KFC (as Lora frantically texted "Don't eat the potatoes and gravy, I work
at KFC and I know what goes into them!!!") and continued our Wyrdest Link
session into the later hours. Jerm hit the invisible buzzer so often that
we decided to get him a life for Hogswatch :P

You'd think by now Jerm would have had enough of us, but no.
After a restful Monday we met downtown to do it all over again.
This time Jase joined in for lunch, then Jerm and Dru went window shopping,
stopping in the sadly soon-to-cease-trading Slow Glass Books. Nearby there
was a suspiciously magical antique bookshop with an antique proprietor who
looked like a close personal friend of Ronald 'Teach' Saveloy and the Duck
Man. Surrounded by wonderful ancient maps and wildlife paintings, Jerm was
powerless to resist the pull of his credit card. Ah, the smell of genteelly
mouldering books is an aroma to gladden the homesick European nose!
Time seemed to stand still in there, too. Your humble reporter would not be
surprised if - going back to the same spot - the shop not only
wasn't there, but *never had been* !!!

The last stop was at a garden centre, where Jerm bought menacing
Herbs and a pair of clay pots that looked like something Nanny would
have brought back from her grand journey to Genua; then on to SteVen's
office which was also invaded by SteVen's younger brother, who is tall,
handsome, baldand psychotic and who gave jerm a lift to the train so he
wouldn't have to imitate the lifting power of the average grandmother.
All in all it was a delightful few days, and we hope Jerm hasn't been
frightened away from Mel's Bourne forever.

Beat that, Sinneysiders! Hah!

p.s. They ate the P&G. Well, some people did. Not this little black
duck...

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This section is not limited to Australia, although we run
a lot of their stuff since they are a very active group.
We'd particularly like to run material about other DW
meets, especially from the US, Canada, and Europe.

If your group is holding these meets, please send details
to Joe Schaumburger, editor, WOSSNAME at:
jschaum111@... and we will be very happy to
run your writeups.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) WHO FIXED THE PALACE?

To the Editor:

I've been listening to one of the discworld tapes my mother
had: it's Guards, Guards.  The Dragon wrecked the palace
but in the next book the Patrician's palace is back to the
way it was, or seemed to be. So did the Wizards do
some magic stuff and remake it, or was it rebuilt and I
missed it somewhere?  I just wondered.

-- Dianne

To the Editor:

The Dragon hollowed out a large amount of the center, but the shell, the
dungeon, and enough of the rest was left so that the Patrician could use
secret passages.  Ankh-Morpork routinely rebuilds after fires and floods.
I think he Palace was probably routinely rebuilt (maybe with a few more
secret passages) and nobody paid much attention to the fact, so it wasn't
mentioned in the text.

--Tamar
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) ANYONE GOT A TLINGAS?

To the Editor:

I was wondering if you could answer a small question I have about
discworld, in PYRAMIDS, pg 10 bout the mid of the page, it says
Teppic, Pteppic, or whatever, has a pair of 'Tlingas' in his boots.
I would just like to know what Tlingas are -- other than a sort
of weapon.

-- Emma

Emma,
.
Sorry, all I can find about tlingas is the quote you mentioned:
"A couple of long-bladed throwing tlingas were slipped into
their sheaths inside his boots." p. 9 Gollancz edition.
The closest I can come otherwise is "tlingit" -- a group of
Alaskan Indians, whom I doubt  could be slipped into anyone's
boot.

I will ask Terry.

The Editor

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) ELTON SELLING SOME OF HIS COLLECTION

To the Editor:

Just a short note today to let you know that the new Clarecraft Bruta
and Om figurine has been released and is available from our online store
at:

http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/Online_Catalogue_Discworld_Charac
ters_48.html


If that link is too long, please try the following one and navigate to
the Discworld section:

http://thecollectorsguild.com/acatalog/

You may also like to know that we've started to add a few items to eBay,
too, and will be adding a few more over the coming weeks. The following
link should take you to a complete list of what we have on offer:

http://cgi6.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=the
collectorsguild


I'm also selling a few of my own personal bits at:

http://cgi6.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=elt
onmurphy


Both are worth a look...if only to see how much your own bits and pieces
are worth!

-- Elton
http://www.thecollectorsguild.com/

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3

WOSSNAME -- OCTOBER 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

Once again, my good friend Manu, head of our KFL
Spanish language section, and editor of El Puercoesp�n
(The Hedgehog), has translated Lady Aranluc's latest
Horoscope, and here it is:

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
THIS MONTH'S PREDICTIONS
(SPECIAL PANDA OF GYPSIES EDITION):
  ~~  ROUTINE,  AND HOW TO AVOID IT ~~

March 21 - April 20
The Perhaps Gate

This month you'll suffer a horrible back-to-nature syndrome. You'll
buy a pair of wooden clogs and a goat and you'll try to herd it
in your living room in your spare time, while singing Tyrolese
songs as you lie on your sofa. Then, when the animal has dropped
its thingies on the carpet and you have got a broken bone after
falling off the sofa, you'll sell the bloody goat to a Gypsy tribe
and declare yourself enemy of all things grass-smelling. Well,
nearly everything, depending on their sex.

April 21 - May 21
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

After a whole summer running to and fro while carrying your luggage
and wasting your youth in unhealthy beach discos (or wherever), you
will need some rehabilitation. My advice is that you buy a bicycle
and wander across the most rustic landscapes of your country,
mingling with people, eating local delicatessen and noting their
quaint customs. If you follow this piece of advice you will end up
still more exhausted, true, but maybe you'll get a TV contract to
make one of those popular rural documentaries. Hey, it's a job
just like any other.

May 22 - June 21
The Two Fat Cousins

You have a surprise awaiting: your inner circle of friends has gone
out of control. Now they do as they please, your rules are not
respected anymore, it's anarchy now. You'll have to be tough with
them to get them back into line. Just buy a whip and some military
trousers and go for it. For a start: physical exercises until they blow up.
You'll be their worst nightmare. Sooner or later they will revolt
and throw you into the nearest river, of course, but the splash
(or the thud, if the river is not in a good state) will be good for
you. Serves you right for watching "Buffy" so many times.  However,
menacing your friends with a stake might be going a bit too far.

June 22 - July 22
Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

Hard work coming. You just don't realize how much paperwork you've
allowed to pile up on your desk. Even I am afraid, and this isn't even
my sign... Just nerve yourself and throw it all into the wastebasket.
And for fans of bizarre movies, just think -- you can always grab a
sawed-off shotgun like Michael Douglas did and start shooting at
everything in your local burger restaurant.  It should be relaxing, and
will certainly improve the service.

July 23 - August 23
The Cow of Heaven

This month your meddling brain cells will be full of energy. You
can expect long evenings watching TV reruns, nights of
dreadful TV-rubbish, meetings with friends to criticize other friends,
hours and hours spying through the window or the keyhole on the
comings and goings of your neighbors, and extreme worry about your
home's hygienic state. Plus of course, an ability for self-pity
without any known limit. But you already had that, didn't you?

August 24 - September 23
Mubbo the Hyena

Suddenly everything will seem wonderful. With your new numbed
senses, life will appear as if painted in pastel tones for you. Your
smile will always be with you, the sunrises will be amazing, the
evenings will be sublime, and you will believe that every human
being is basically a nice person, even if they are always trying
to hide this from the rest. And they do that very well, to tell the
truth, given the way they have been treating you lately...

September 24 - October 23
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

There is an influence in your life that, even if not new, will
suddenly take a great importance. All your acts will be carefully
watched by this omnipresent and dominant entity, and your efforts
will always have the goal of pleasing it. You will crouch in terror
before its presence, and when it goes out of sight you'll get the
feeling that its eyes are on your back, evaluating you, weighting
your acts, judging you, because you know that its displeasure
means your oblivion. And its name will be ...  boss.  Kneel and deliver,
poor mortal with a new horrible job!

October 24 - November 22
Okjok the Salesman

You have been having fun since the beginning of the summer, all
those months ago, and you just won't let go. All your senses, so
hard to train towards fun as they were, do not want to turn back.
You'll try to go out every night, to drink, to get home late. You'll
try to adapt the noble art of doing nothing in the beach to the city
bars in your spare time, and in the nights everything will be just
fun and parties for you. Well, at least until you surrender out of sheer
tiredness or until you get so bored of watching the incredible ambiance
there is at 02:00 AM on Tuesday in a disco, that you may get your
sanity back. Or maybe not.

November 23 - December 21
The Overworked Orang-Utang

You just can't adapt to the job routine. You'll try to flee. You
will get a camouflage costume, put a knife between your teeth and
creep your way across the countryside trying to leave behind all those
hunting dogs your family has sent after you. You'll climb trees
and try to look as inconspicuous as an overfed stick insect. Predators
just don't have any idea of how to do it, compared to you.  Ah, if
you just put all that energy into something useful...

December 22 - January 20
The Celestial Parsnip

'Routine' is for you as an attractive word as 'desert' is for a fish,
so you'll pick up all your possessions and try for a new life
in a less hostile environment, like the illegal gambling sub-world,
the captivity shark training or the clandestine circle of (Aaargh:
What was the name of that game when you have a gun with just one
bullet and everyone shoots himself until some dies? Russian
something?) ((Ed: Russian Roulette)) I can see a great future for you
in many of these nice activities. Great, but maybe a bit short.

January 21 - February 18
The Knotted String

A great abyss now opens before you. New ways, yet unexplored. New
worlds, new experiences, a break with everything you have been until
now and the rebirth of a new person drastically different from the
one you were before. You'll get a new life, everything will change
for you, everything will be different. Without being able to avoid
it, you'll become the opposite of who you were. Yes, suddenly,
unexpectedly, one of these days you'll get up from bed and feel
like putting some order in your room. Scary, eh? Best thing to do
is to lie down again till the feeling goes away.

February 19 - March 20
The Flying Moose

Spirituality will make itself a place in your life. You'll get a
serene and sane personality and you'll pick the fruits of your
work, and I don't mean the orange-tree in your garden. The wheels
of karma will turn around without a rest. you'll exhale an aura
of pure serenity and move around the house levitating in the
Lotus Position to your prying neighbors' astonishment and horror.
And so on, until the Secret Service comes along and they put you
in a padded cell to be a first-class X-File.  When I say that the truth is
out there...  remember, they may put you out there with it.

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  GUARDS! GUARDS!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
backwards and discover  the name of the Captain
of the Guards.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1989 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Lady Ramkin (1st letter)

2. Bouncer at the Mended Drum (2nd letter)

3. Grabber  _______ - one of the most feared bar-room fighters in
     Ankh-Morpork (3rd letter)

4. Remember what happened to ______ ? (5th letter)

5. He  who gave the lawbook to Carrot (1st letter)

6. The Patrician's secretary (1st letter)

7. Jimkin _____ 's  Whiskey Distillery (2nd letter)

8. A very small Brother of the Elucidated Brethren of the
      Ebon Night (2nd letter)

9. Zebbo _____, Thief Third Class (1st letter)

10. Nickname for C.M.O.T. Dibbler (5th letter)

11.  Owner of Harga's House of Ribs (1st letter)


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = The Captain of the Guards
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: PYRAMIDS

1. The Royal Embalmer (2nd letter)
        DIL = I
2. Greatest Discworld mathematician (4th letter)
        YOU BASTARD = B
3. The god who endlessly searches for his toenails (1st letter)
        YAY = Y
4. Goddess of soap bubbles (2nd letter)
        NESH = E
5. The cat-headed god (1st letter)
        BAST = B
6. Teppic's girlfriend (6th letter)
        PTRACI = I
7. Head pyramid builder (5th letter)
        PTACLUSP = L
8. The Listener (1st letter)
        ENDOS = E
9. Cobra-headed god of papyrus  (1st letter)
        JUF = J
10. First Minister and High Priest (1st letter)
        DIOS = D

I_/B_/Y_/E_/B_/I_/L_/E_/J_/D_/  = The Land of  the Pyramids
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

Can anyone help?


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
November 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 11)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and  e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
MelMeet News Editor: Steven D'Aprano
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director : Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster:  Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) NEW DISCWORLD ART PORTFOLIO
2) BRIDGE OVER  THE RIVER ANKH
3) DISCWORLD DATA DOSSIER
4) CZECH THEATER REPORT

====Part 2

5) REVIEWS & COMMENTS: NIGHT WATCH
6) SIGNINGS

====Part 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7) MELMEET: Halloween
8) ADMEET: Chilli Beer
9) MELMEET: Dianne-Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10) ANYBODY OUT THERE?
11) TERRY'S CHARACTERS

====Part 4

12)  YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
13) PUZZLE: ERIC
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
======================================
EDITORIAL RAMBLINGS

Sorry this issue is a bit late, but I was waiting for some
last minute items to come in, and was able to go to
4 sections instead of 3 as a result.

A newbie sent me a technical question which I circulated
around, with my question, "Can you help?"  Alas, AOL
sent it out without her comments, and I have gotten a
flood of confused messages asking what it was all about.
Sorry, guys.  And her original message has disappeared
in cyberspace.  We'll never know....

Our thought for the month comes from Steven D'Aprano,
of Australia, who reminds us:

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day,
But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
========================================

1) NEW DISCWORLD ART PORTFOLIO

Paul Kidby is working on a project that is the successor
to the Portfolio, to be called The Art of Discworld,
c.128 pp and will be in hardcover,  for publication next
Autumn.

The text of the next edition of the Companion has just
been sent to Gollancz, so Spring 2003 would not be too
far off the actual date for the third edition.

-- Colin

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) BRIDGE OVER  THE RIVER ANKH

Elton Murphy, head of Clarecraft, has announced a new
contest for a wooden effect Bridge Over the River Ankh,
a rare retired piece.

If you can remember an obscure comment by Rincewind,
you've got a great chance of winning.

To see the Bridge and enter the contest, go to the contest website:
http://www.discworldshop.com/cgi-bin/quiz/quiztest.cgi?competition

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) DISCWORLD DATA DOSSIER

*Recently published is a very good book on internet writing by Jane Dorner,
called CREATIVE WEB WRITING (London: A & C Black, 0-7136-5854-1)
-- which has a Foreword by Terry.

*BCA {Book Club Associates] have just issued the second three volumes
in their Unseen Library, MORT, SOURCERY and WYRD SISTERS.

*NIGHT WATCH has now been no.1 in the UK fiction bestsellers list for two
weeks, with nearly 31,000 sales recorded in the first week, and over 17,000
sales in the second week.

-- Colin

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) CZECH THEATER REPORT

Colin Smythe reports that the draw organised by the Discworld Convention
group to save the Czech theater that was damaged by the recent flood
raised 1600 GBP for the The Theatre at Dlouha Street in Prague, and this
sum should be with the Theatre in early December.

Winners of the draw:

Night Watch - Bound UK proof of the new Discworld novel, donated by Colin
Smythe went to: Anthony Mills, UK

The Science of Discworld II - A bound proof of the popular science book
and Discworld story by Terry Pratchett, Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart went
to: Barbara Kendal, UK

A Hogswatch Mug by Bernard Pearson - Rare and retired ceramic mug made
by Bernard Pearson went to: Sally Matthews, UK

Discworld Beer - 1 bottle of Black Hogswatch and 1 bottle of Albert's Drip,
limited edition Discworld beers, donated by Colin Smythe, went to: A P
Hudson, UK

The Wyrdest Link - signed by Dave Langford, went to: Meg Glover, UK

The Ansible Archive CD-ROM - Complete text and graphics from 1979 to
September 2002 featuring many Terry Pratchett contributions and quotes -
went to: Kathryn Evans-Knoblock, USA

A signed first edition of War in 2080: The Future of Military Technology
- Dave Langford's first book, went to: Janice McQuilkin, UK

Authentic "CMOT's House of Very Cheape Costumes" Opera Ghost Mask
- Worn by Dave Langford at the second and third Discworld Conventions,
went to Debbie Tudhope, UK

A signed copy of The Silence of the Langford - Written by Dave Langford with
a small contribution by Terry Pratchett went to: Kathryn Evans-Knoblock, USA

CMOT T-shirts - The wonderful, and highly prized, City Watch and Unseen
Uni T-shirts created and donated by our very own CMOT Dibbler,
Stephen Briggs, went to: Rhiannon Graham, UK and David MacLeod, UK

Terry Pratchett: Guilty of Literature - A collection of essays about Terry
Pratchett and his work that was published by the Science Fiction
Foundation with a cover featuring Josh Kirby's portrait of Terry Pratchett,
donated by Bonsai Discworld, went to: Stephanie Terpant, UK

The Last Hero - Paperback edition of the Discworld fa including 16 new
pages of illustrations by Paul Kidby, wen to: Morag Kenny, UK

Limited Edition Discworld Print - featuring the artwork of Josh Kirby
and produced by Isis Publishing - went to: Philip Bennett, UK

UK Bound Proof - Maskerade - Rare bound proof of Pratchett's early novel
about opera, went to: Laurie Gutteridge, UK

'From the Discworld' CD - CD of music by Dave Greenslade,
inspired by Discworld, went to: A P Hudson, UK

Discworld Noir (PC) went to: Bridget Houlton, UK
Discworld II (Playstation format) went to:Alex Carlton, UK

A Science of Discworld Mouse Mat - Limited edition promotional mouse mat
went to: Charles Caruthers, USA

Witches Trilogy UK Hardback, went to: Rhiannon Graham, UK

A Pyramids Promotional Mug - produced by Victor Gollancz
for the release of Pyramids, went to:  Katherine Levin, USA

A rare Clarecraft Nac Mac Feegle Event Piece donated by Clarecraft
went to: Philip Bennett, UK

A retired Clarecraft piece - Windle Poons - donated by Clarecraft,
went to: Lorraine Barber, UK

Mort the Graphic Novel - UK first edition, went to Paul Alway, UK

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 4 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 4

WOSSNAME -- NOVEMBER 2002 -- PART 2 OF 4 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
5) REVIEWS & COMMENTS: NIGHT WATCH
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

NIGHT WATCH -- A Review

His Grace the Duke of Ankh, Commander of the City Watch,
Sir Samuel Vimes: his wife, Sybil, is about to give birth, it is
remembrance day for an infamous rebellion in which seven
watchmen were killed and he is chasing Carcer -- a clever,
deceiving murderer, along the uneven rooftops of Ankh-Morpork
whilst wearing incredibly ornate armour and, of course, a sprig
of lilac.

Then, a thunderstorm mixed with a little magic from
Unseen University and some quantum cause him and Carcer
to go back in time to the days of the revolution.  He soon finds
himself alone in the past with no posh uniform, no engraved
silver cigar case, no hard-boiled egg and under the ruling of
Lord Winder, the unfair, hated Patrician of the time.

After a little explanation from patient History Monk Lu-Tze,
he sets off as John Keel, Sergeant-at-arms of the Night Watch,
trying to change the outcome of the rebellion using a little
common sense, a lot of dining room furniture and some tricks
from the future.  However, Carcer is fighting for the opposing side
  with his fellow Unmentionables and is very tough competition,
even to the street-wise Sam Vimes.Along the way, Vimes meets
his younger self and colleagues who he must teach to be decent
coppers, the pick-pocketing but generally trustworthy Nobby Nobbs,
and eats one of C.M.O.T. Dibbler's first ever meat pies.

He must live.  He must change history -- but not too much.  He must
defeat Carcer once and for all.  Will his watchman instincts,
quick-thinking and barricade-building techniques be enough?
In this book we also meet Lord Vetinari in his young days as an
assassin, Ridcully taking a bath in the university's garden and
seamstress Rosie Palm, not yet a Mrs.

"Night Watch" is a compelling read, unpredictable to the very end.
Action-packed, thrilling, serious but humorous, it is in my opinion
one of Terry Pratchett's greatest Discworld novels.

-- Vicki Turk, England
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ANOTHER REVIEW

A longer and more detailed review by Michael Dirda
also appeared in the Washington Post on November 21st.

In it, he comments that "Night Watch turns out to be an
unexpectedly moving novel about sacrifice and responsibility,
its final scenes leaving one near tears, as these sometime
Keystone Kops, through simple humanity, metamorphose
into the Seven Samurai. Terry Pratchett may still be pegged
a comic novelist, but as Night Watch shows, he's a lot more.
In his range of invented characters, his adroit storytelling and
his clear-eyed acceptance of humankind's foibles, he reminds
me of no one in English literature so much as Geoffrey
Chaucer. No kidding."

To view the entire article, go to:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20884-2002Nov21.html

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

COMMENT:

To the Editor:

In Rembrandt's painting 'Nightwatch', Rembrandt painted himself
in as someone watching all the other characters. In Paul Kidby's
cover of "Night Watch", in the same place he has painted in
Josh Kirby, the late artist best known for doing the covers of
previous Discworld books (except in the US, where they had a
Commodore 64 run a thesaurus program on the title until it found
a picture in its database of 100 stupid pictures).

He's not immediately obvious (I had to Google to find where
Rembrandt had put himself), but to see Kirby, look at Reg Shoe.
Now look at the soldier to his right. Now look just above his shoulder,
and you will see the top bit of a face. That, apparently, is Josh Kirby.

-- ConMan
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
6) SIGNINGS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Melbourne Signing -- Part 1

Part One of the report of the Terry Pratchett book signings in Melbourne
on Thursday 21st November 2002.

PTerry's first book signing for the day was at 12pm at Angus and
Robertson. Hania, a.k.a. Nanny Ogg the Younger, arrived in a bright red,
extremely low cut dress[1], her significant-other Doctor Michael, and a
few other friends whose name escape me.

Soon afterwards, Trish and friends arrived, followed by myself.  I had my
Bag Of Holding, which was holding hundreds[2] of Diskworld books.  After
waiting in line in the blazing hot sun for hours, Trish suddenly
remembered that she had left the engine of her car running and she had to
move it before she got a ticket. Or something like that, I wasn't paying
attention on account of still being blinded by Hania's dress.

Many hours later, she arrived back after moving the car to escape the
Dread Parking Inspector and his Chalk of Doom, just in time to jump the
queue and meet up with me again.

Ha and her dress returned from seeing PTerry. She had got him to sign
her breasts, and was so excited that she had taken them off and was waving
them around in the air and wearing them on her head.[3]

Trish had a sudden attack of the Shys and had to be bodily thrust up to
the desk where PTerry was seated to get her book signed. Then Trish's
friend got her book signed, and despite her promise to show PTerry her
tattoo of Death of Rats on her back, she remained fully clothed the entire
time.

I was rebuked for inquirying whether PTerry's hand had seized up yet.
"Just empty the bag on the table, I'm used to dealing with you mad nutters
now," said PTerry.

While I wasn't actually there to see it, rumour and wishful thinking has
it that Lora demonstrated her belly-dancing skills to PTerry. Presumably
he signed a book afterwards.

And thus ends the A&R book signing...
---------------------------------
[1] The description of the dress is not gratuitous, it has significance that
will be made clear.

[2] Actually five. But hundreds sounds better.

[3] Did I mention they were fake rubber breasts?

[4] This, on the other hand, is an entirely gratuitous description.
---------------------------------------------------
Part Two of the report on PTerry's book signings.

After the Angus & Robertson book signing, there was a short break while
PTerry was revived. The second signing was at Minotaur Books, at 5pm.
Eventually, they wandered down to the book signing and I followed them
around an hour later, after they had been through the queue and Lora
had gone home. We met up with Hania, who was holding court in the
middle of the book shop, lying down between the aisles and yelling
out questions from the Discworld Trivia book.

After many hours in the queue, we had almost reached PTerry when
Hania decided it would be a good idea to shove her purse in her
witch's hat.[1] Much merriment followed, as the hat ended up being tossed
around the store, to the bafflement of PTerry, his daughter, and the
assorted staff of the store.

PTerry recognised Hania's chest, gave a long-suffering sigh, and signed
her books. "Do come back when you have less time," he said.

I emptied my second Bag of Holding on the desk[2] and respectfully
enquired whether the mysterious and oft-rumoured "Time Travel in Arthurian
England" story was still being worked on. PTerry informed me that yes it
was, and there was an ancient Greek saying that could be translated into
the vernacular as "if I had a broom shoved up my arse, I could sweep the
floors as well".

I guess some people were feeling grumpy that day. I can't think why.

And thus ended the book signing for another year.

-- Steven D'Aprano
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
PTerry's Sydney Appearances - the Report
Date:11/25/2002 8:43 AM Eastern Standard Time
GALAXY BOOKSTORE

10:40 AM: As I joined the queue, I noticed that the person
directly behind me was going to be causing PTerry some
serious wrist pain, since he was carrying a basket with
about 25 books in it (however, he knew of the policy of
three books at a time, and was willing to go around 9 or 10
times to get them all signed).

1:15 PM: I'd just gotten my books signed, and the next person
up was the guy with the basket. PTerry's reaction was not
particularly happy, and probably shouldn't be repeated in a
public place. Instead of having him go around ten times, though,
he offered a special arrangement: Bobby pulled out his watch, and
PTerry signed as many books as he could in a one minute period.
It was quite impressive seeing the books being opened, placed in
front of PTerry, signed and whisked away again.

1:16 PM: Having signed 19 of the books, PTerry then got the guy
to turn around, and he got his T-Shirt signed (not that it was a
particularly fancy or new shirt, and will now probably hang up in
a cupboard somewhere for a year or so until it falls apart and is used as
rags ...).

The Terry Pratchett Evening at the Hilton:

PTerry's introduction - first correcting the person who introduced
him (who said he had made 20 million sales, and pointing out that
it was 30 million - he must have been looking at last weeks figures)
and then apologising for being in Australia without a Sporting Gene.

Apparently PTerry's first book he read for pleasure was "The Wind
in the Willows", at age 10. It was given to him by his uncle, and he
read it in the car. At night. By streetlamps. And of course, the thing
you notice about streetlamps is that they are separated by some
distance, so that when you're trying to read a book by their light
whilst in a moving car, you get to read about a sentence at a time,
if you're lucky.

His first part-time job was in a library - at this point in the speech
he paused and asked if there were any librarians in the room, which
got a mild response (except from the one fellow who shouted out "Yeah!"),
and so he said he'd try and keep long words to a minimum - when he
looked at the librarians doing their job, he thought "Even a monkey could do
  that!"

He was asked a few banal questions that made the audience groan,
but obviously he was so used to them he had his answers ready.
Such as "Who's your favourite character?" To which he said that he
likes the Librarian, but the Librarian doesn't really have an internal
monologue. Well he does, but it goes "ook ook ook". And of course
he doesn't agonise over the human condition, since he doesn't have to suffer
it.

Asked about the origin of the Luggage, he actually said that the
story about the old woman pulling a rickety old trolley was a sort of
lie-to-readers (although he didn't exactly use that term). In fact, it
came from when he was introduced to Role Playing Games of
the old dice and character sheet style, and he introduced a new
character to the dungeon - the Luggage. The Luggage would do
whatever it was told, and would store the characters' +10 Swords
and +15 Armours and all, but would obstinately do whatever it
was told to the point where if told to follow them, it would generally
knock into them at inopportune moments (such as when they're
trying to sneak past a dragon), or if told to go somewhere, would
not actually bother to check to see if there was a chasm in the way.
And it would always show up again later on, mysteriously empty
of all the goodies the adventurers had put in it.

There were a couple of good questions, including one which asked
about his tendency to create human female characters with human
female weaknesses, instead of the usual fantasy stereotype of
She Who Must Be Obeyed (H. R. Haggard) with not a flaw in her.
Said PTerry, "I've always been interested in women". He then went
on to sidestep the question, instead pointing out that while his characters
are humanly flawed, they also always have a strong reserve to call
on in times of trouble. Apparently this is because many of the aspects
  of his female characters are based on two women with the strongest
character he knows - his wife and his daughter.

PTerry then closed up the speech with a quick Kevin poll of the audience.
There were none. Some British newspaper critic had found that while you
can't criticise PTerry, you can criticise his audience, who he said
were all 14 year old boys named Kevin.

Having disproved that theory, PTerry then related a story of a speech
he gave back in Britain where he mentioned that article. A middle-aged
woman on the left of the theatre then stood up and shouted "I'm Kevin!"
A middle-aged woman on the right of the theatre then stood up and
shouted "No, *I'm* Kevin!" Finally a man in the middle, knowing how it
was supposed to go, stood up and shouted "No, *I'm* Kevin, and so is my
wife!"

Finally  PTerry sat at a desk in a corner of the room, and there was another
book signing. The talk had lasted an hour. The queue lasted an hour and
twenty minutes, and when someone asked PTerry how his wrist was, he replied
"Don't ask."

-- ConMan
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 4 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 4

WOSSNAME -- NOVEMBER 2002 -- PART 3 OF 4 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL MEETS AROUND THE WORLD:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7) MELMEET: Hallowe'enMeet aka Dru's BirthdayMeet

Date: 3rd November 2002
Venues: Shark Fin Inn, assorted bookshops, Hania's house
In attendance: Dru, Steven, Bek, Matt, Hania, plus Lora by SMS again
(getting worried about that girl)

Originally this was meant to be Dru's birthday lunch, since she's now
lived through 50 Hallowe'ens, but it seemed like a good opportunity to
introduce Hania to Melmeets. Hania is our newest, but possibly most
experienced, professor of Experimental Corsetry; if there is ever a film
made about the adventures of Nanny Ogg as a young woman, Hania is a
shoo-in for the part.

We started at the famous Shark Fin Inn restaurant with a Yum Cha
banquet of wizzardly proportions and duration (NB: we keep *meaning* to
explore Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, but those Kentucky Fried Tentacles in
Chinatown are just too distracting so far). In between stuffing our faces
and groping the waiters, we exchanged Discworld stories, dissed Josh
Kirbymayherestinpeace, praised Paul Kidby, talked about Buffy and Angel (of
course) and sent rude text messages to the tentacle-fearing Lora.

Eventually we were thrown out, erm, left the restaurant and most of us
went for a wander to Minotaur and other shops while Hania raced home to
evict the various gnolls, gnomes and pictsies from her abode and rouse
her S/O Doctor Michael from his crypt. Joining them there, we had a fine
afternoon that included yet another round of Wyrdest Link, possibly won
by Steven, a bit of a jam session, and Blackadder and Buffy videos.

Then Dru was treated to a birthday foot spa and massage. And as this is a
family list, no, you really, really, really don't want to hear about it.
Really. Trust me on this.

Finally, pizza was sent for, the kind that Gimlet's would be proud to take
the blame for, and the happy participants faded into the night.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8) ADMEET: Chilli Beer Meet

Date: 9th November 2002
Venue: Andrew's abode, Adelaide, South Australia
In attendance: Looming Andrew and SuperDtM...
     otherwise known as Andrew Hood and Dan Lato
Time: Just after 2pm.

And so it came to pass, that after all this time there
was finally another AdMeet. Being that our numbers are
so sparse down here in the south central piece of
XXXX, it was no small achievement in itself.
So I set off from home about quarter past one headed
for Andrew's place.

Only problem was, I left my street directory behind,
and managed to take a wrong turn...*not* at
Albequerque...and get myself lost. However, using my
supreme navigator skills -- okay, it was sheer luck -- I
managed to get back on the right track and find my
way.

I was introduced to Andrew's lovely family and we sat
out the back under the shade on a perfect afternoon
for shooting the breeze. Not only shooting the breeze,
but also trying each other's home brew. (Sad to say
that Andrew's famous chilli beer was unavailable...but
under his excellent teachings I'm going to try and
brew my own!) Ahhhhh, it's good to be the king!

The beer was good and the conversation varied.

There was the usual discussion on how we got into
Pratchett, work, a short life story and of course beer
brewing stories and advice (most of the fine advice
coming from Andrew!)

Talked about our fav books...mine Mort...shocking
short term memory can't remember what Andrew's was.
(Ed: TOT) Talked about family and Pratchett...my wife
is a big fan...Andrew has tried to get his daughter into it.

It would have been quite easy to sit there all
evening...but I did have to drive and it was getting
on for tea time. So we bid farewell a little after four, promising
to plan the next Admeet where there would be a BBQ as
well as beer.  We know how to have a Meet here in SA.
It was a lovely afternoon and we must do it again soon!

-- Dan Lato
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9) MELMEET: Dianne-Free DianneMeet

Date: 13th November 2002
Venues: The Cafe With No Name, Minotaur, Australia on Collins Mall,
     Steven's office
In attendance: Bek, Matt, Lora (in person! at last!), Dru, Steven
Nearly in attendance if she'd been patient: Dianne

We've been trying to organise a complete-with-Dianne MelMeet since
before I moved to Fourecks. Usually Dianne can't make it because she's
sustained credibility-straining but provable injuries or someone near to
her has done the same. This time there were no crises but she still failed
to connect.

There was vague talk of a meet for this date, but by the morning of the
13th nothing was finalised; then Matt rang Dru and offered free transport,
so the meet was on. Dianne went to the cafe, well she says she did, at
the stroke of noon and waited until 12.15, then left. Bek, Matt and Dru
arrived at 12.15:30 and waited for a while, then ordered lunch. Just as we
were about to leave, Lora rang breathlessly to ask if we were still Doing
Lunch. We met at Minotaur (they must be used to us there:'Here comes that
bunch of tossers who thumb through all the Terry Pratchett and Buffy
books and hardly ever buy anything, oh well, at least they don't draw in
the margins'). Lora was finally revealed to Bek and Matt as a real person,
not just a disembodied set of excuses (as opposed to Dianne who is usually a
bodied set of excuses!). At Minotaur we discovered that Pterry would be
signing books there the following week, and that's the main reason this meet
was important - because it alerted everyone to the fact that there were
going to be TWO signings on the same street in the same afternoon!

Our next stop was Australia on Collins, a very upmarket mall where Bek
went shopping for odds and sods. If you ever come to Fourecks, and have
no lack of funds, this is a beautiful and friendly place.

Then it was on to Steven's office where Lora kept trying to press various
buttons controlling lights, power and probably every Hex in the room, and
Steven had to forcibly restrain her. He really enjoyed that part.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10) ANYBODY OUT THERE?

To the Editor:

I have� subscriptions to both �DWM and WOSSNAME in
hopes of connecting with someone in the USA. So far,
just one or two random e-mailers have been spotted in
DWM, and none in WOSSNAME.�� I fear that I may be
the only Discworld fan in my area of the country,(northeast);
and knowing that you are the communication hub for a
few groups, I thought that you might have some knowledge
as to WHERE THE HECK IS EVERYBODY?!?!?!?!?
�
-- Renee Taylor
taylorby2@...

Hi Renee,

The good news is that there are hundreds of
Pratchett fans in your area.  The bad news is
that I don't know who they are, since many
are on our mailing list as just e-mail addresses.

However, I will run your letter in the next issue
of  WOSSNAME and some of them may write
you.

-- Ed
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) TERRY'S CHARACTERS

To the Editor:

The thing I love about Pterry is the way he seamlessly combines great
writing and great storytelling. His dialogue flows, his characters seem
as real as real can get despite being vehicles for satire,

-- Dru

Reply to Dru:

You reckon?  They are smarter than your average bear, but I actually
think that the longer Pterry goes on, the more binary his characters
become : Rincewind (and the wizards) become more the reluctant hero
than the lucky idiot.  Vimes is more the hard jawed stereotype NY cop
than the tortured alcoholic fool with a sense of duty he might have been.
The underlying murderous ambition of the wizards is gone. The Patrician
has kept his cynical viewpoint, but has developed a compassion that
belies the snakepits of earlier novels.

I'm gonna commit list suicide and suggest that Pterry has lost his edge
as far as characters go.  Plotwise, I was starting to think that, but
Thief of Time proved me wrong, he excelled his recent efforts in a big
way.  But he has too much affection for his characters now, and unless
he knows they are the 'baddie' he is too affectionate.

-- Jase

Reply to Jase:

I think you may possibly stand pretty much alone on this, Jase. There's
no "right" or "wrong" to it, just a certain quality of aloneness :-)
It's that very quality of affection for his characters that makes the
sparkle, for me. Much as I loved the earlier novels, I felt that most of
the characters were very one-dimensional, mere shells for delivery of jokes.
For example, I detested Carrot at first - found him only useful as a
plot device - but now that Pterry has been exploring Carrot's
multilayered personality, I am slowly coming to like the guy (especially
after 5th Elephant). And I think Vimes did start out as a Dirty Harry
caricature but has become a very  real person, full of deep passions
and deep contradictions. As for dear Havelock, his occasional showing
of less than superhuman qualities doesn't make him any less of a hottie
IMO!

--  Dru

Reply to Jase:

I think he's redeemed himself a lot in this respect
in Night Watch. Certainly the villains are
particularly good (most notably Carcer and Swing),
but the Treacle Mine Rd Night Watch are all very
  well done, as are the young versions of such
  personages as Rosie Palm, the Agony Aunts and
  Cruces. Although Vetinari is given yet another
  sympathetic aspect to his personality, we get
  another insight into his mind with his chosen mode
  of concealment.

I must say, I loved Night Watch.  Dru lent me her copy
(mostly because her, Steven and Miss Kitty couldnt get
my fingers lose) and I had read it twice by the time I
gave it back to Steven the following day.

-- Paul
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 4 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 3, says my computer -- continued on Part 4 of 4

WOSSNAME -- NOVEMBER 2002 -- PART 4 OF 4 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
12) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

Once again, my good friend Manu, head of our KFL
Spanish language section, and editor of El Puercoesp�n
(The Hedgehog), has translated Lady Aranluc's latest
Horoscope, and here it is:

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
THIS MONTH'S PREDICTIONS

This month will be a bit different: you don't look at your own
horoscope but those of your loved ones. And as the holidays
approach, you're going to discover which is the perfect
present for each of them!

March 21 - April 20
The Perhaps Gate

The best present for a Perhaps Gate is a videogame machine, a disc-
man or, if your finances are not at their best, a hammer blow to the
head... in short, anything that keeps your loved one amused, distracted
and abstracted from the outer world for some hours.  If worst comes
to worst, a bottle of cheap booze may be all you'll need.

April 21 - May 20
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

A Vase of Tulips, given her tendency to get fat as a pig in Hogs-
watch time by eating cake, pies, chocolate, ice cream and cookies
won't appreciate it at first but will be tremendously grateful if you
present her with a stylish sports outfit and a subscription to the
nearest gym.  The clothes won't fit and she'll never go to the gym,
of course, but she will talk about it at least until mealtime.

May 22 - June 21
The Two Fat Cousins

Just give him anything you want, but ALWAYS keep in mind that a
Fat Cousin should be kept away from the Christmas tree. You
don't want to go again through all last year's stuff, when he
replaced the candles with Teletubbie dolls, or when he hung three
whole batallions of Space Marines to protect the top of the tree
against the Evil Mutant Lizard Horde from Alfa Centauri...

June 22 - July 22
Wezen, the Double-Headed Kangaroo

The two-headed kangaroo, usually such a bast- uh, short-tempered
person, turns at Christmas time into a fluffy teddy-bear eager to
attend with a broad dripping smile to any unending Christmas-singing
session with her family. Therefore, you can present her with just
anything you can think of in the warm knowledge that it will be well
received. But don't forget to hide when the Christmas-syndrome
fades out and she starts hunting you down to make you swallow that
horrible food that 'the Fat One brought.'

July 23 - August 23
The Cow of Heaven

The Cow of Heaven keeps as much money as he can to himself and
usually raids the junk shops the day before Christmas to get rid
of all that present-shopping. I suggest that, if you really love
your loved ones, don't let a Cow of Heaven buy your presents
for you. And just make sure that this year Santa will give him an
awful Beverly Hills 90210 keyring and a tin-opener made in Taiwan
(i.e. exactly what he was going to buy for you) to make him taste
his own medicine. Although, who knows, he may like it.

August 24 - September 23
Mubbo the Hyena

Christmas is the Hyena's perfect time to make her sad social
life turn into something even worse. Since her social skills are
nearly nonexistent, and she's not used to all this jollity, she'll
become that kind of sad character who goes around at parties
with a continuous, stuck smile, moving spasmodically in a
parody of rhythm. Your perfect present, therefore, would be
a pair of crutches,  or maybe a mask, to make sure the Hyena
will be treated nicely and stopped from becoming the cause
of general hilarity.

October 24 - November 22
Okjok, the Salesman

In this special times a salesman needs, above anything else, to be
in company. In case the languid looks, the incontrolable sighs, their
continuous complaining of loneliness and tiredness or the amazing
collection of movies and mags of strange content he has under his
bed haven't been enough clues, I'll just reveal that the best present
for a salesman would be to get a... er... a companion right now.

November 23 - December 21
The Overworked Orang-Utang

Given the mess that is the life of anyone in this sign, and given
the fact that the mess gets boosted at this time into the strato-
sphere, the perfect present for them would be some tai-chi lessons,
an aromatherapy set or a laudanum injection, and give it to them
right now, before their hysteria ends with us all as nuts as they are!

December 22 - January 20
The Celestial Parnsip

The Parnsip wants to go back to the Bible, and will not give
it up for anything. This year, to imitate and give due credit to
the Holy Family, she has plans to kidnap a pregnant woman and
spend the Christmas holidays in a manger with some shepherds,
just to see if any kings come around visiting. Your best bet would
be to hire some actors to humor her, or if you can't afford it, lock
her in the cellar until after New Years.

January 21 - February 18
The Knotted String

The String just needs a break. Give him a ticket for a cruise,
an airplane trip, or just a token for the subway. Anything that he
can use to get far from home until the holidays are over, because
if he sees any photos of his family or listens to the wrong Christmas
song, he'll buy a telescopic rifle and practice on the neighbors.
That would not be good.

February 19 - March 20
The Flying Moose

Christmas's consumer aura affects a Moose in an overwhelming way.
Her refrigerator is usually full of Christmas foods, often since
March, partly because after buying all those presents, the remnants
from Christmas are nearly the only food she can afford. You can give her
survival rations from the army to get through the difficult times, a book
of tickets to eat in a charity, or just use a rope to tie her to the
wall and prevent her from shopping.

-- Lady Aranluc

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

13) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  ERIC
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letters
indicated into the spots shown.  Read the word
backwards and discover  the name of Rincewind's
ancestor.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1991 VGSF paper edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Red _______ Witch of the Night (1st letter)

2. Spawn of the Pit (1st letter)

3. Most beautiful woman in the Ephebian world (2nd letter)

4. Explorer searching for Foutain of Youth (2nd letter)

5. New  Archancellor of Unseen University (1st letter)

6. One of the oldest demon dukes (1st letter)

7. King of the Demons (1st letter)

8. The Feathered Boa (14th letter)


__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/_= Rincewind's ancestor
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8 /

Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: PYRAMIDS

1. Lady Ramkin (1st letter)
        SYBIL = S
2. Bouncer at the Mended Drum (2nd letter)
        DETRITUS = E
3. Grabber  _______ - one of the most feared bar-room fighters in
     Ankh-Morpork (3rd letter)
        SIMMONS = M
4. Remember what happened to ______ ? (5th letter)
        GASKIN = I
5. He  who gave the lawbook to Carrot (1st letter)
        VARNESHI = V
6. The Patrician's secretary (1st letter)
        LUPINE VONSE = L
7. Jimkin _____ 's  Whiskey Distillery (2nd letter)
        BEARHUGGER = E
8. A very small Brother of the Elucidated Brethren of the
      Ebon Night (2nd letter)
        DUNNYKIN = U
9. Zebbo _____, Thief Third Class (1st letter)
        MOOTY = M
10. Nickname for C.M.O.T. Dibbler (5th letter)
        THROAT = A
11. Owner of Harga's House of Ribs (1st letter)
        SHAM HARGA = S

S_/E_/M_/I_/V_/L_/E_/U_/M_/A_/S_/ = The Captain of the Guards
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/11/           SAMUEL VIMES
.
Puzzle solution will appear next month.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 4 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion

Hello again,

Here is the mystery message that AOL
deleted.  Can anyone answer it?  I am
not the world's greatest computer expert
and AOL lately has been sending me
threatening messages about illegal
entries that will close whatever program
I'm in and not save anything.  Luckily, I
pay little attention to such drivel, although
it did keep closing down WOSSNAME every
so often as I was doing it.

Anyway, guitargoddess@... wrote :

Hi there. I was wondering if any other Discworld fans played the
guitar and if they did if they knew about Power Tabs and if they
did have they or would they tab out the song Pathway to
Paradise from the Soul Music CD? Regular text tabs are worthless
and, like phonograph spools, be sent to oblivion.

I am not that good of a player yet to be able to know what notes are
being played just from the sound. That is why I can't tab this out
myself. Was there ever a tab/sheet music book published?

Thanks

Barbara Holmes

Sorry, Barbara, I don't even understand the question.  Luckily,
we have a lot of experts in our group and maybe one of them
can help.

Joe
editor
WOSSNAME



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- DECEMBER 2002 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE HOGSWATCH

'Twas the night before Hogswatch, and all through BU
Not a being was stirring, not ConMan or Dru.

The stockings were hung up -- the Dean's was four feet,
In the hopes that the Hogfather'd bring lots of meat.

The students were rested all snug in their beds,
While visions of Hex upgrades danced in their heads.

Libwolf had escaped from Steven's latest trap,
And all of the staff had a post-banquet nap.

When out in the night there arose such a noise,
But it was just Steven and Dru and their toys.

Somewhere on the grounds there was such a great crash,
That all of BU came awake in a flash.
Although there was no trace of snow on the ground,
There clearly was heard a sleigh bell-like sound.

When what past my wondering eyes should then soar
But a sleigh drawn by six metric tonnes of prime boar
Whose pillow-stuffed driver (plus dyspeptic elf)
Could be no-one but the Hogfather himself!

More rapid than Rincewind retreating they came
A-grunting in time as he called them by name

NOW, GOUGER, NOW, SNOUTER, NOW, TUSKER, PULL HARD.
NOW, ROOTER, DASH FASTER, THOU SLACK TUB OF LARD!
WE NEED TO GET MOVING ALONG ON OUR COURSE,
OR I'LL SERVE YOU WITH CRACKLING AND HOT APPLE SAUCE!

Like Arabel's corsets, when us�d as slings [1]
His words of encouragement gave their feet wings
So up to the rooftop his coursers did rise
With a sleigh full of snags, smoked hams, chops and pork pies.

And then in a twinkling, I heard the hot hiss
Of Gouger and harness-mates taking a piss
As we dove 'neath our beds with a chorus of moans
Down the chimney the Hogfather came, rattling bones!

Though dressed in bright colours, his robes were a mess
And 'neath them were strong hints of skellington-ness
A lumpy old bag he had slung o'er his shoulder,
He looked quite like Dibbler, though quite a bit...older...

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His broad grin -- how merry!
(Meanwhile, Albert-elf made a dive for the sherry)
His skull it shone bright in the gleam of the fire
And the beard on his chin was held on with cheap wire.

The stump of a pipe he held clenched in his mouth --
"No smoking in here!" shouted Cat. "Put that out!!!"
His HO HO was dreadful, as false as his belly
And eww! Had he ever had elves quite *that* smelly?

His other companion -- a skeletal rat -
Was disguised an angel (not a good one, at that).
The fact that he didn't have eyes in his head,
Made me wonder if he was Death - or at least dead.

Together they ate up the turnips and cheese,
With never so much as a "thank you" or "please."
They filled up the stockings, and under the tree
Put even more gifts. Then to the chimney,

And up it they flew, and into the sleigh,
Like kzak through a nanny[2], so swiftly went they.
But I heard him exclaim, as I watched the sleigh go:
HAPPY HOGSWATCH, AND ... WHAT? OH YES - HO, HO, HO.

[1] Note the painfully clever use of poetically accented pronunciation :D [3]
[2] See Mort.
[3] Unless, of course, you have the *wrong* sort of computer

-- ConMan (and Dru, neither of us stirring)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM

>EDITORIAL NOTE:
>
>When I asked for limericks for WOSSNAME,
>I did not mean stuff like the Nantucket one,
>or about hermits named Dave, all of which have
>been ceremonially burned.
>
>How about some amusing on-topic DW ones, of
>a pure and spiritual nature, of course?  (Mass
>exodus of the impure takes place....)

Erm, *how* pure? You mean, like,

For the Queen of the Beggars (one Molly)
B.S. Johnson created a folly
She wanted it small
But he built it so tall
It was seen from Al-Khali, by golly!

-- Dru

"It's Borrowing time," Granny said
Then stayed cold and stiff in her bed
They were laying her out
When there came a great shout:
"Oi! Now bugger off, I aten't dead!"

-- Dru

Havelock Vetinari, Patrician
Keeps Ankh in a decent condition
He'll tolerate crimes
But watch out, would-be mimes:
He's a man on a scorpion mission!

-- Dru


Hmm. How about these?

There once was a guy named Stu,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

-- Loopy

There once was a guy named Donne.

-- Loopy

There's also apparently one by a guy
named "Nero" in the same series. If
anyone finds it, I know a bunch of people
who are interested...

-- Loopy

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhh!!!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7)  NEWBIE SEEKS ADVICE

To the Editor:

Hello.  I hope you can answer my question.  I read an article about the
Discworld series and I think my husband would like to read it.  I can't
figure out however, what the first book in the series is.... I assume
they should be read in order.... Please advise if possible.
Thank you

Julie Zielke
juliette@...

Ed: Would anyone like to help this newbie?
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

WHOSE SAFE DO YOU HAVE?

To the Editor:

> Cat then Dru then Cat again and now finally me:
>
> >>>- Your deepest darkest secret, so we can spread it around.

<snip>

> I'll give you a whole slew of them. I can't tie my shoes. I can't whistle.

I can't whistle either.

> I can't cross my eyes.

Neither

<snip a whole lot of secrets that aren't that bad really>

Don't worry. Their safe with us.

<Cat whispers conspiratorially in a loud voice to Joe "put it in the next
WOSSNAME!">

-- Cat

Ed: Me? Never!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
December 2002 (Volume 5, Issue 12)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) EDITORIAL MUSINGS
2) NOT REALLY A MEET REPORT,
     BUT IT HAS BEEN A SLOW MONTH
3) ANOTHER REVIEW OF NIGHT WATCH
4) HOW I DISCOVERED DISCWORLD

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE HOGSWATCH
6) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KFL LETTERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7) NEWBIE SEEKS ADVICE
8) WHOSE SAFE DO YOU HAVE?

====Part 3

9)  YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
10) PUZZLE: MOVING PICTURES
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) EDITORIAL MUSINGS

Well, I've just emerged from the madness of the holiday
season, where I was decorating trees, decorating walls,
decorating front doors (OK, so it was just a cardboard
picture of a Christmas tree -- but it's the spirit that counts),
and of course setting up the meal -- the traditional
vegetarian lasagna.

I had some vague hopes of getting out WOSSNAME by the
end of the month, but it was not to be.  But, hey, we have
all of January....

Those who heeded my call to write e-mails describing your holiday
activities, meets, chats, TV shows, movies, whatever -- even
poetry, limericks, and articles on how you discovered Discworld
will be delighted or maybe horrified to find them all here.

Best belated wishes to all for a Hilarious Hogswatch,
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kool Kwanza, or
whatever festivities you celebrated -- and may all the gods
of Discworld beam benevolently on your activities and keep
the droppings of their flying beasts (if any) off your rooftop,
unless you want to have some, of course.

Joe, in a joyous post-Holiday Mood !!!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) NOT REALLY A MEET REPORT,
BUT IT HAS BEEN A SLOW MONTH

"I'LL BE HOME FOR HOGSWATCH"

The silence.

The lonely, echoing halls of Bugarup University, lately reverberating with
drunken belches, chocolate-flavoured lip-smacking, the clatter of dropped
staffs, the thuds of dropping faculty, the screams of newbies, the whoosh of
firehoses, the sizzle of fireballs, the hum and kerranggggg of exploding
robots, the cultured tones of healthy, scholastically-sober, I'll-kill-you-
if-you-don't-concede-my-pedantic-point debates...

Yes, it's Hogswatch season again.

The Ecksian carolers are nearly out of voice, it being the 24th of December
on our side of the dateline, and thinking of trudging home to sip their
scumble and eat their toasted figgins and settle down to await the crunch
of trotters on the rooftops [1]. In far Merkia, Joe has locked up the
Underwater Campus in preparation for some unspeakable revelries sure
to include tentacles, Laurel is decking her halls with holly, Holly is
decking *her* halls with firehoses and - having migrated to sunnier climes
at last - privately decking herself with the kind of Sunny California
clothing that, were the males of BU to see it, would necessitate her taking
the firehoses back off the walls, and the Cap'n is wondering why all his
stuff is locked in his room and a note is on his door reading, "Hahaha, all
you newbies, you can't have your robes back until the FoT reopens next
year, signed Libwolf". [2]

All the Ecksians are hanging up their kangaroos [3] above their imitation
fireplaces and wondering what snow is. All the Brits are putting on
several pairs of stockings and wondering what the Spring floods will be
like. An Irish werevampenguiness is pining for the fjords, erm, the
rolling cold damp burning-peat-reeking hills of home.

Darn it to heck, it's quiet here!

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin

[1] They'll have a long wait. According to Pterry, Hogswatch falls on
SteVen's birthd^H^H^H New Year's Eve.

[2] Obviously a forgery, for the obvious reason...

[3] Much 'greener' than stockings. In the interests of not being visited by
the RSPCA, the use of bungees is preferred to nailing the little buggers
to the mantelpiece.

[4] Who really, really hopes a certain werevampenguin will bring her an
Unreal Scrabble set this year. Or even a new real one.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) ANOTHER REVIEW OF NIGHT WATCH

I liked Night Watch.

I though there were shades of the 'Terminator' films in it, and I loved the
two versions of the painting on the cover.

The 'one man can make a difference' theme was quite well drawn out, but I
did find some of the characters were too black and white -- or rather, red.
Maybe I prefer to have my hair trying to stand on end in terror than my last
meal trying to leave in disgust.

I thought the 'lost and returned hip flask revealing the inner man under the
two sets of armour' rather sweet -- and the implication that Vimes can now
drink moderately is, I hope, an indication of a future for the character.
He is one of the most developed and explained characters on the Discworld.

I think my favourite TP ever is Reaper Man - with Interesting Times close
second, but I never met a Discworld book I didn't like.

-- Anne Pearson, Dorset, England
anne@...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) HOW I DISCOVERED DISCWORLD

I just thought I would relate how I found Terry Pratchett.
I was roving the house one day searching for something
new to read.  On the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the
hallway, which has only ever had ancient encyclopedias,
I found, tucked up on top of one of the encyclopedias, three
books: Eric, Small Gods and Soul Music.

I read Eric first and was not impressed (I have since
gone back and reread it and found it to be better then I
remembered).  Next I read Small Gods. Studying the
crazy things people do in the name of religion -- a hobby
of mine -- I fell madly in love with that book and have read
it more times then I can count.  When I read Soul Music,
I fell in love with Death.  Death and Sam Vimes are without
question my two favorite characters with Death only slightly
in the lead.

After I finished reading these three books I asked everyone
in my family who bought them so I could compare notes and
discuss the books with someone else who had read them.
I asked everyone and no one admits to buying them so all
I can think is that they traveled to my bookshelf through L-space.

I have tried to find other fans who live in Indiana and there must
be some because all the book stores sell Discworld books and
I don't buy them all.  So far, however, my search has been in vain.

"Dock-a-loodle-fod!" -- dyslexic roosters are a sad sight

-- Elizabeth Blazier
elizabeth_blazier@...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- DECEMBER 2002 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE - THE MURKY CRYSTAL BALL

Once again, my good friend Manu, head of our KFL
Spanish language section, and editor of El Puercoesp�n
(The Hedgehog), has translated Lady Aranluc's latest
Horoscope, and here it is:

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

THE LOST SIGN:
YOUR MISSING DISC HOROSCOPE FOR LAST MONTH

We had a few complaints after the last issue that we had omitted
an entire sign, and that one-twelfth of our readership was
wandering around in a mental fog.  Actually, we were the ones
in a mental fog, same as always.  Here's what we left out:

September 24 - October 23
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

Christmas time has come, and the small boring group
person needs to see life from other points of view, take in the
little details, expand her horizons, get a deeper knowledge
of the world around her ... in short, the poor thing needs
someone to buy her new glasses before she puts her
foot in a ditch and kisses the road...
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE  FOR JANUARY 2003

March 21 - April 20
The Perhaps Gate

You'll start communing with the ones around you with an increased
efficiency, discovering that you have a lot in common with them.
For a start, you share 50% of your DNA with your mother, and you
thought she was just the lady who washes your dirty clothes. Well,
it turns out that you are really the laundry woman's son, and you
have spent all these years living a lie.

April 21 - May 21
Gahoolie, the Vase of Tulips

Hurrah, you are soon going to find something you've spent a
long time looking for. Will it be the motorcycle keys? Will
it be those wits everyone says you are short of? Will it be
your half grapefruit? Well, just pray it is not the good kicking
everybody says you've been deserving for quite a long time...

May 22 - June 21
The Two Fat Cousins

This month you have become a nominee for the "Most Horrible Person
Award 2002" no doubt due to all that watching yourself in the
mirror and moaning "Oh, we must lose some pounds here and shrink
them there," and "How much did you say we should try to lift?"  And
meaning it, of course. If you survive until next month without anyone
breaking your skull, you can consider yourself successful -- or at
least very lucky.

June 22 - July 22
Wezen the Double-Headed Kangaroo

Life smiles on you, or at least does not seem about to hit you very
hard. At worst, it just ignores you, and trust me when I say that
it's just as well. Just think what would happen if one of these days
it suddenly remembered you... Well, keep your ears open, for maybe
this month you'll get to hear some spicy gossip. Pass it on -- but
only if you have a good lawyer.

July 23 - August 23
The Cow of Heaven

Put your hand in your pocket and take out a dollar. Got it? Right. Now
carefully look at it and fix it in your mind, because it will be the
last one you'll see for quite a while. I don't know what it is you
do with your money, but it just flies away. Maybe it's that
your mother has learned something from the Secret Master
(i.e., you) and gets up at night to clean out your pockets...

August 24 - September 23
Mubbo the Hyena

No one is going to fake you out anymore. They won't get anything
past you now. You want proof, lots of proof, for everything. Or
else you won't get out of their way.  If they say "This is the word
of God" at the church, you stand up and yell to the priest: "Who
said that? Produce someone who has seen God saying
that, or else produce God down here right now to ratify it. Oh,
and pull the other church, it's got bells on." An angry mob with
torches will be waiting for you.

September 24 - October 23
The Small Boring Group of Faint Stars

Although this is a good moment to seek care and comfort from
your loved ones, you should not overdo it. I mean, those chains
attached to the wall are too much, and the nine-tailed whip is frankly
overkill.  And if you're wondering why people will not help you
voluntarily ... perhaps you should just reconsider your way
of asking for things.

October 24 - November 22
Okjok the Salesman

Ho ho ho, what a splendid month you've got ahead. If you do well, you'll
be more popular than Brad Pitt at an organized granny holiday. In other
words, if you don't pick up someone this month, you can start thinking
about celibacy, because your astral conjunction is the best
you can expect in a very long time. I don't mean to put you down,
mind. Come on, all you need is love. Well, in fact, all you need is
a home, a decent job, eating every day and, since you point it out, love.
But go easy, step by step, first things first, all that stuff. And if the
love thing doesn't work out, blame it on astral forces, same as
always.

November 23 - December 21
The Overworked Orang-Utang

This is the best moment to march firmly into life -- pay off your credit
cards, take out a substantial bank loan, fix your marriage, take control
of your mentally unstable children, get rid of that crappy job... Now or
never, kid. And my point is not to overwhelm you, it's just that
this is the ideal time to move out of your basement apartment
and get a life.  Oh, and your mother says to remember that
she wants to see some grandchildren before her Alzheimer's
takes away the the little sanity she's got left after coping with
you all these years.

December 22 - January 20
The Celestial Parsnip

I see something wrong with your stomach or your intestines. I don't
know if it's a case of bad digestion, a hot sauce overdose or a big
potato stuck in your gut, but you are really constipated. Just eat
a lot of boiled rice, boiled fish and grilled chicken breast, drink
wisely and make sure there's enough toilet paper for when
the constipation wears off. And, in case it's not bad digestion
but a biological attack by terrorists, don't forget to take your
vitamins.

January 21 - February 18
The Knotted String

Surprise trip ahead, if you're going to London, Greece, Hong Kong,
Bombay, Tijuana or Singapore. Just as long as it's not to the
supermarket on the corner... Now that I think about it, given the
pseudo-vegetal lifestyle some people have, the supermarket on
the corner can be an exciting adventure, too.  Just leave your money
at home and argue with the manager.  But bring a strong friend, just in case.

February 19 - March 20
The Flying Moose

You can get what you want out of people. You know how to speak, you
know you can get people to do whatever you want, you've got an
impressive stare, hard to resist. Okay, the knife in your pocket also
helps, but I prefer the traditional, natural means of persuasion.
You know: bribery, extortion, menacing anonymous notes,
threatening phone calls, visits at five o'clock in the morning in full
psycho mode... Hey, it even works with teachers -- many of the
world's top leaders used it just to get through school. Not me,
of course.

-- Lady Aranluc
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  MOVING PICTURES
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
backwards and discover the name of the President
of the Alchemists Guild who led the way to Holy Wood.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1990 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Friends call her "Ginger" (1st name, 2nd letter)

2. Throat's nephew, VP in Charge of Making Pictures (1st name, 1st letter)

3. Head Handleman (2nd name, 2nd letter)

4. The short order chef at Borgle's Restaurant (1st letter)

5. Last Keeper of the Door (2nd name, 1st letter)

6. The Wonder Dog (7th letter)

7. Male star of "Blown Away" (1st name, 1st letter)

8. Only client of The Wonder Dog (1st letter)

9. Organ-playing daughter of Bezam (1st name, 5th letter)

10. VP in Charge of Wardrobe (2nd name, 3rd letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = President of Alchemists Guild
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: ERIC
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Red ____ Witch of the Night (1st letter)
    SHARRON = S  (Oops, Diome was the Witch. Sharron
    was just sitting next to her.  Sorry about that.)
2. Spawn of the Pit (1st letter)
     URGLEFLOGGAH = U
3. Most beautiful woman in the Ephebian world (2nd letter)
      ELENAR = L
4. Explorer searching for Fountain of Youth (2nd letter)
     PONCE DA QUIRM = O
5. New Archchancellor of Unseen University (1st letter)
     EZROLITH CHURN = E
6. One of the oldest demon dukes (1st letter)
      VASSENEGO = V
7. King of the Demons (1st letter)
     ASTFGL = A
8. The Feathered Boa (14th letter)
      QUEZOVERCOATL = L (actually the 13th letter,
       ah well.  Tsk tsk.)

S_/U_/L_/O_/E_/V_/A_/L_/_= Rincewind's ancestor
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8* /      = LAVOLEUS (Oops, actually Lavaeolus.
It's been a long year.)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
----------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2002 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ahoy fellow Discoids,

Just got this message:

Hi Joe,
Wossname parts 1 2 3 arrived this morning and on opening found all three
had simply the following:-

<�*
�qr

and that was it.
Anyone else come back to you about it?
Cheers
Ron
ears@...

Please let me know if you got the issue.

Joe Schaumburger
jschaum111@...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
WOSSNAME NEWS BULLETIN
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The following is the publicity blurb for the American edition of Terry's
THE WEE FREE MEN, which is to be published in May 2003.
--------------------
"Another world is colliding with this one," said the toad. "All the
monsters are coming back."
"Why?" said Tiffany.
"There's no one to stop them."
There was silence for a moment.Then Tiffany said, "There's me."

In a thrilling tale that is equal parts suspense and humor,
Carnegie Medallist Terry Pratchett spins the story of a young
witch-to-be named Tiffany Aching who must journey through
the terrifying and ever-shifting dreamscape of Fairyland to
rescue her kidnapped brother.

Armed only with a frying pan, Tiffany is all that stands between
the monsters of Fairyland and the chalk country that is her home.
Her sole allies are the Wee Free Men -- a clan of sheep-stealing,
sword-wielding, six-inch-high blue men, as fierce as they are funny.
Together, they battle through Fairyland, where reality intertwines
with nightmare, before confronting its absolute ruler: the Queen
of the Elves. And in the ultimate showdown, Tiffany must face
her cruel power alone...

(HarperCollins are planning to publish an edition of TRUCKERS,
DIGGERS and WINGS for the American market in Fall 2003.)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My thanks to all of our readers who let me know that the
last issue did indeed reach them.

-- Joe Schaumburger
Editor
WOSSNAME

WOSSNAME
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
January 2003 (Volume 6, Issue 1)
*********************************************************************
WOSSNAME is a FREE publication for members of the
worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates,
including the North American Discworld Society and other
continental groups.  Are you a member? Yes, if you sent
in your name and e-mail address.  Are there any dues?  No.
*********************************************************************
Editor in Chief: Joseph Schaumburger
News Editor: Bethany Ayers
Staff Writers: Lady Aranluc
Puzzle Editor: CatTigerLi
Limericks Mistress: Drusilla D'Afanguin
Haiku Handmaiden: Kate Oneamus
Emergency Staff: Jason Parlevliet,
     Nathan Clissold, Dylan Williams
Art Director: Rhett Pennell
World Membership Director: Becky Swaney
Convention News Editor: Susan Fox-Davis
Webmaster: Paul Wilkins, disk@...
Copyright 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion
------------------------------------------------------------------------
INDEX:

====Part 1

1) KFL SPANISH-SPEAKING SECTION ANNUAL REPORT
     -- MEMBERSHIP JUMPS 43% !!!
2) ADVANCE JACKET COPY: THE WEE FREE MEN
3) GURPS REVIEW - DESTROYING THE OPERA HOUSE
4) THE END OF DISCWORLD

====Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM
6) RED HOT HAIKUS RIGHT OFF THE PRESS
7) SOME DWARVEN HAIKUS
8) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

====Part 3

9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
             continued
10) PUZZLE: REAPER MAN
11) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1) KFL SPANISH-SPEAKING SECTION ANNUAL REPORT
-- MEMBERSHIP JUMPS 43% !!!

Hurray! First pint of scumble is on the house! And if you are
still upright, this is just to let you all know that the KFL's
Spanish-Speaking section has broadly passed the 500-member mark.
(Up from 350 members last year -- a 43% increase!)

And that's not all -- our South American membership is increasing
very fast (we can tell because of all the e-mails we're getting
about the bloody scarce distribution they're getting of the
translated novels down there...)

"Mort, the Play" has just been published with some extra icono-
graphies from the first Discworld play on stage in Barcelona;
"Men at Arms" (the novel) is being translated into Spanish, so
we won't have to wait much longer, and "Soul Music" is on the
cue. And The Lost Novels ("Reaper Man," "Moving Pictures" and
"Witches Abroad"), out of print for more than five years, are
going to hit the stores soon, or so we've been told.

Oh, and reports from our troops state that Mr. Pratchett is sell-
ing quite well around here. It might mean that Spanish publish-
ing companies will think about speeding up the publishing of the
series or, since we're talking about Spanish editions, it might
well mean nothing. But we're optimistic.

Giving moral to the troops,
and yours always,
MANU VICIANO
(Head -or something- of the
Legi�n Extranjera Klatchiana)
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2) ADVANCE JACKET COPY - THE WEE FREE MEN

Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, has given us an advance
peek at the blurb from the advance jacket of the Doubleday
edition of the book (which has a superb Paul Kidby cover):

There's trouble on the Aching farm -- a monster in the river,
a headless horseman in the driveway and nightmares
spreading down from the hills. And now Tiffany Aching's
little brother has been stolen by the Queen of the Fairies
(although Tiffany doesn't think this is entirely a bad thing).

Tiffany's got to get him back. To help her, she has a weapon
(a frying pan), her granny's magic book (well, 'Diseases of the
Sheep', actually) and ---

'Crivens! Whut aboot us, ye daftie!'

--- Oh yes. She's also got the Nac Mac Feegles, the Wee Free Men,
the fightin', thievin', tiny blue-skinned pictsies who were thrown out
of Fairyland for being Drunk and Disorderly...

A wise, witty and wonderfully inventive adventure set in the Discworld.

Publication date: May 1, 2003. 224 pages. ISBN: 0060012366
US: List USD 16.99   Amazon: USD 11.89
UK: List: GBP 12.99  Amazon.co.uk: 9.09
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3)  DESTROYING ANKH-MORPORK'S OPERA HOUSE
      A GURPS Discworld Role-playing Session Review

I guess you all know about Discworld's Role-playing Game or, to be
more exact, about the two campaign books written by Terry Pratchett
and Phil Masters for GURPS (Generic Universal Role-playing System).
During these last Hogswatch holidays I had the chance to play a
good session.

My friend Pablo Jaime is quite a good GURPS loony (though I know
of quite a lot of people who don't like the game system), and also
quite a good Discworld loony, so he made his mind to be the game-
master. I, of course, threatened and blackmailed him until he
agreed to let me fill a character sheet. Since the adventure was
to be set in Ankh-Morpork, I thought I would be a thief, but since
I wanted some extra emotion in my character's life, I decided to
be out of the Guild. The rest of the characters were a muscled and
brainless Barbarian Hero Wannabe, an Assassin who was counseling
the City Watch in certain specialized affairs (he was a post-
graduate student in an interchange course) and an Alchemist who
happened to be a zombie, which gave him a certain advantage when
it came to survive the typical deflagration.

The story began when the owners of the house I was 'visiting' died
awful death in hand of an invisible being. While I, the only wit-
ness, was fleeing desperately from the crime-scene, the Barbarian
Hero had heard the blood-freezing female screams and, thinking I
was the murderer, started to run after me with his two-handed sword
unsheathed. I sought refuge in my nice and warm cell in Pseudopolis
Yard and that saved my life. Next morning we were told that the
Watch was very busy getting ready for a big celebration that was
to be very soon and that we were the ones designed to find out
about this crime on pain, in my case, to be given away to the
Thieves' Guild. Plot was on the table.

I won't tell all the game's details because I don't want Joe to
have to send a fourth part for this newsletter, but the climax was
reached with the zombie throwing loads of rotten food, nearly de-
molishing Ankh-Morpork's Opera House and with my character leaving
behind his life as a thief and becoming a City Watch Sergeant in
charge of the new forensic division, Discworld's CSI. And the
moral is, basically, that when played without too many cares GURPS
DW can provide a really nice time. The gamemaster can throw humo-
rous plots, funny characters and gags at you, but the game runs a
lot smoother if nobody worries too much about the laughs and the
Discworld books are not taken as some kind of dogma. That's
literature, this is role-playing. The laughs end up happening by
themselves (OK, maybe with some external help): for example, the
Barbarian Hero spent all the adventure thinking that I was the
murderer, so I thought of "conditioning" him by talking to him in
his sleep, which had to work because of narrative causality. And
at the end he was believing that I was also a Barbarian Hero, only
one of another kind. So it did work. And the game is far more
exciting if you don't know about the future. Corporal Littlebottom
died at the very beginning, and the stage was set just after
"Jingo," so the game was really set in a kind of "alternate
Discworld." We didn't meet Commander Vimes, either...

In short: it was a great experience I look forward to continue.
After all, the Thieves' Guild had been after my character for a
very long time. It's time to see how things go the other way
round.

-- Manu Viciano
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

4) THE END OF DISCWORLD

An alarming interview with Terry appeared in The Guardian
on January 11, 2003. In it, Sally Weale, the interviewer,
asked him, "Will Discworld ever end?"

"Yes," said Terry, "it's got to. Eventually it
will be too restrictive.

"It has changed a lot. It has gone from being
a jolly, lightweight read, to some reasonably
heavy stuff where the humour is derived from the
character and situation rather than gags. Because
it can change, I can keep it reasonably fresh and
because it is a world, I'm not stuck to one
character or a group of characters, but there's
a limit to that."

In any case, it is starting to take its toll.

"I've concentrated over the years on writing
books, not particularly in publicising them,
or being an author, which may have been to
my detriment.

"It takes more out of me each time. I'm going
to have to slow down and decide what the hell
I'm going to do."
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 1, says my computer -- continued on Part 2 of 3


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 3 OF 3 (continued)
-------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
                       continued
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

POTTERMEET, Australia
Date: 8th December 2002
Venue: Knox City Mall (including Dragon Boat restaurant, Village Cinema,
various cafes, games arcade)
Attending: Trina, Bek, Matt, Steven, Hania, Paul, Dru
              Guests: Trina's kids, Dean, Doctor Michael

Unfortunately, I can't report objectively on this one because Knox is
appropriately named -- it's the size of a city (for a mall that is), and it
was heaving with thousands and thousands of pre-Hogswatch shoppers,
all of which brought out the screaming agoraphobe in me.

To give an idea of how huge the place really is: Steven was late
(as usual, heheh) and came through the entire mall searching
for the Dragon Boat, and it took him fifteen_minutes_of_searching
just to find an information booth so he could ask for directions!

Everything was enormous, crowded, and noisy, including the
Knox branch of Dragon Boat, which looked big enough to hold
  half the population of Hong Kong. Dru cowered under the
tablecloth while Steven passed her bits of tentacles and Paul
tried to take compromising digital photos of everyone
(the camera was duly confiscated and erased, thankgods).

Then we went to the cinema, which has about twenty screens
and advertises its V-Max cinema as the largest screen
in Australia, and bought tickets for Harry Potter and the
Chamber of Secrets, only to discover that we had an hour
to kill until the next showing in the V-Max. Most of the
group went off to a games arcade. Bek, Doctor Michael
and I went for a coffee. Big mistake for me - I ordered a cafe latte frappe
(remember folks, it's summer in Fourecks) and, when it arrived, I found it
so frozen that I pushed my straw to the bottom and sucked
really hard and swallowed a mouthful, only to discover that they'd
mistakenly given me a mocha frappe and the bottom was full of
chocolate syrup! Did I mention that I'm allergic to chocolate?

"*How*allergic?" asked Doctor Michael. Luckily, not allergic enough
to require his services after just one swallow, but I did sound like
The Godfather for the next couple of hours...

Then back to the cinema. More not so great times: V-Max may well be
Australia's biggest screen but it certainly isn't the best! Screen
resolution wasn't brilliant and the sound system was well below par.
Mind you, so was the movie. Your humble reporter was very disappointed in
HP2, the rest of the group less so but no-one seemed totally blown away.

Afterwards, Hania did a blow-by-blow description of how she bullied Pterry
into signing her breasts (fake plastic ones, that is) and Trina took
her wee ones home, while some people went back to the
arcade and others went for yet another snack. At last we said our goodbyes
and agreed to meet again soon in quieter circumstances. Paul, having
been banned from camera use, missed what would have been the best
shot of the day - Doctor Michael pushing Hania, squealing, in a shopping
trolley the entire length of the now-deserted mall!  Steven offered Paul a
spin to a train station. We were several klicks down the road when the
following took place:

Steven: "Paul, when is the last train?"
Paul (after a pause): "Twenty minutes ago."

Of course, Steven being a very nice guy in real life, took Paul home with a
minimum of violence, and your humble reporter swore a long loud vow to
  never, ever go to Knox again! Poor Trina, it was her first MelMeet since
  her de-lurk and I just hope she wasn't too traumatised :-)

Granny Tude
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SteVen's BIRTHDAY MEATS (note spelling)
Dates: 31st December, 2002; 1st January, 2003
Venues: The Fortress Of Avoiding The Neighbours aka Steven's house, Hoyts
Cinema Northlands
Attending: Bek, Matt, Paul, Dru, some guy who was celebrating his birthday,
plus guests Jeff, David and Sheridan, and Steven's weird brother Big Mad
Adrian (Meat 1); SteVen, Dru, Hania and Doctor Michael (Meat 2)

Meat was very much on the menu for this event - BBQ time!
All gathered at the Fortress for the ritual Burning Of The Snags,
a traditional Ecksian cultural event involving BCBs and genuine
pig product. Many carried presents for Steven. Matt and Bek carried
tentacles (small ones). After the Viewing of the Presents and
Cards (everyone loved the one Laurel had sent, which was
addressed to "The Eeevil Fortress of Penguin Doom" and still
managed to reach the, erm, Eeevil Fortress in RL), and ooh-ing
and ahh-ing over Steven's wonderful framed Paul Kidby portraits
of the Librarian and Errol, guests were further amazed at the sight
of the BBQ itself: "That's not a barbie, that's an ashtray!"
"I didn't know this was meant to be a dolls' party." But Steven
shrugged his flippers and persevered. He had raided several markets
like a proper barbarian invader, and now cooked enough food to
serve, well, a company of wizards. Big Mad Adrian arrived with a
copy of LOTR for us to watch -- only to be informed that we were
going to see LOTR TTT at the cinema. Like the bludger he is,
he begged a ticket off big brother.

And off we went. This time the cinema was smaller, friendlier and
completely lacking in sneaky chocolate poisoners, AND the film was
of course fantabulous (not that Paul would know; he decided to see
Jackie Chan on another screen, the philistine). When it was all over,
everyone headed off to various New Year's Eve celebrations, and
Steve and Dru went back to the Fortress and fell asleep an hour
before midnight.

The following day, Hania and Doctor Michael arrived. They'd
actually meant to arrive on the 31st but got lost :-)  Steven
discovered about 10 kilos of steak that had been
overlooked during the previous day's festivities, so it was
dragged out, pacified, marinaded and BBQ'ed.  Afterwards,
bloated with named meat, we watched the 2-video entirety
of the animated Soul Music. Sadly, this was a BIG disappointment.
It was done by Cosgrove Hall, a company that has many great
animated series to its credit (Dangermouse, yayyy!), and they
just didn't have a clue. But surprisingly, the music was very
decent, although we never heard anything obviously resembling
the infamous 'Pathway To Paradise'!!!

The next Melmeet is shaping up to take place on the 26th of January, which
of course is the great
Ecksian national holiday, Australia Day.

-- Drusilla D'Afanguin.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10) THIS MONTH'S PUZZLE:  REAPER MAN
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answer the questions and put the letter
indicated into the spot shown.  Read the words
backwards and discover the name of a popular
Ankh-Morpork club for those who are having
difficulties in relating to being undead.
(Note: all spellings are from the 1991 Gollancz edition.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Example: Pratchett - 1st letter: ANSWER: Terry  LETTER = T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. A banshee with a speech impediment (6th letter)

2. Dead Rights activist Mr. Shoe (1st name, 1st letter)

3. Those who monitor reality (1st letter)

4. Arthur Winking, Count ________ (3rd letter)

5. The oldest wizard (last name, 5th letter)

6. Female farm owner who hired the unemployed Death (last name, 9th letter)

7. Agoraphobic bogeyman (1st letter)

8. The Great Attractor, the Death of Universes (5th letter)

9. Female farm owner's hired hand (last name, 4th letter

10. Female farm owner's former boyfriend (1st name, 3rd letter)

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ = Undead activist club
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/

Puzzle solution will appear next month.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SOLUTION TO LAST MONTH'S PUZZLE: MOVING PICTURES
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------
1. Friends call her "Ginger" (1st name, 2nd letter)
        THEDA WITHEL = H
2. Throat's nephew, VP in Charge of Making Pictures (1st name, 1st letter)
        SOLL DIBBLER = S
3. Head Handleman (2nd name, 2nd letter)
        GAFFER BIRD = I
4. The short order chef at Borgle's Restaurant (1st letter)
        FRUNTKIN = F
5. Last Keeper of the Door (2nd name, 1st letter)
        DECCAN RIBOBE = R
6. The Wonder Dog (7th letter)
        GASPODE = E
7. Male star of "Blown Away" (1st name, 1st letter)
        VICTOR TUGELBEND = V
8. Only client of The Wonder Dog (1st letter)
        LADDIE = L
9. Organ-playing daughter of Bezam (1st name, 5th letter)
        CALLIOPE PLANTER = I
10. VP in Charge of Wardrobe (2nd name, 3rd letter)
        MARIETTA COSMOPOLITE = S

H_/S_/I_/F_/R_/E_/V_/L_/I_/S_/ = President of Alchemists Guild
1*/ 2*/ 3*/4*/ 5*/6*/7*/8*/9*/10/    = SILVERFISH

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

11) YOUR DISC HOROSCOPE

Alas, due to foggy conditions in the Ramtops, the
astronomers have been unable to send Lady
Aranluc their regular reports, so she must delay
her calculations for a month.  Luckily, since our own
Roundworld is so far away, this will not affect
your Horoscope report in the slightest.  It will
appear next month.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright (c) 2003 by Klatchian Foreign Legion



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- JANUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
DISCWORLD POETS STRIKE AGAIN!
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

5) LIMERICKS THAT HAVE ROCKS IN THEM

Miss Agnes Nitt, known as Perdita
Was a famously unfussy eater
And also, I think
Not averse to a drink
Till Vlad ordered Nitt by the litre.

An Ankhian zombie, Reg Shoe
Was a practical man through and through
When losing his head
He smiled calmly and said
"Much obliged if you'd pass me the glue!"

Archchancellor Ridcully said
"My Faculty's far too well-fed
"These silly-goose wizards
"Think overstuffed gizzards
"Exude thaumological cred."

A Seamstress romanced** an Assassin
As Mrs. Palm's house he was passin'
She cried, "You're no Clown,
"You're a chore to pin down
"But oh! What a cinch to unfasten!"

There was a farmhand named Bill Door
Who never found harvests a chore
MISS FLITWORTH? he said
I'M DEATH, AND YOU'RE DEAD.
THERE'S TIME, THOUGH, FOR DANCING - ONE MORE?

The Duke of Ankh, Samuel Vimes
Is concerned with the solving of crimes
His ginger-beer fictions
Secure him convictions.
(That's crude, also rude...but it rhymes.)

A thimble of Nanny Ogg's scumble
Can cause seasoned drinkers to stumble
And fall, at the pass
On the way to Bad Ass.
That's just the way *them* apples crumble.

A plateful of Klatchian curry
So hot that it makes your eyes blurry
Is value for money
Despite being runny -
You'll run in one 'eck of a hurry...

--Drusilla D'Afanguin

There once was a Sergeant named Colon
Who liked to kick perps in the bolon
"They shriek and they roar
And they roll on the floor
And quickly give back what they've stolon."

-- Joe Schaumburger

There once was a guy named Vic,
Who wanted to be in a click,
His act was a-miss,
but boy, could he kiss,
And now he's the star of the Disc.

--Yasmin ;-)

An Igor (the way Pterry tells this)
Is a veritable Paracelsus
So if you should start
To disparage his art
He'll take it to heart (someone's else's).

- Kate, sneaking one in

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) RED HOT HAIKUS RIGHT OFF THE PRESS

This one is contributed by a friend of mine, Leanne,
who for reasons all her own, doesn't actually read Pterry.

Disk World is shattered
Elephants fly forgotten
Pterry'n lies a tale

Kate - fond of bad punes

The Lancre coven meets
the cauldron bubbles and boils.
Granny makes her tea.

The Dungeon Dimensions
are filled with creatures most odd.
Rincewind uses a sock.

The moon drifts through clouds
Darkness settles over the Shades
A tourist is mugged.

Glorious springtime
In the kingdom of Lancre:
Nanny fills her bath.

-- Kate, doing her thing

7) SOME DWARVEN HAIKUS

Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold

-- Mysapp

Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold
Gold Gold Gold Silver

-- Conman
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
8) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Heya Joe,

ED:>Dru, your limericks are terrific!

Thank you! I *am* disappointed that no-one else has
come forward so far,  though. Some of those
limericks composed themselves at me instantaneously
(e.g., the Nanny Ogg and Death ones), some took a
couple of minutes' thought, but all in all that sort of
versifying is soooo easy. Erm, well, it is to me.

ED:>Am appointing you Limericks Editor or
>Goddess of Limericks, whichever you
>prefer. [1] Will be the highlight of the next issue!

Wheee! I'll see if the mood strikes me to make some
more soon. I think, in the spirit of Discworld, perhaps
Limericks Mistress might be most descriptive, heheh.

>Joe, gratefully
>
>[1] Editor looks better on your resume, on the
>other hand Goddess bring you worshippers.

How about temple offerings? I'm broke:  P

ED> I fear all the temple offerings would be limericks.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

JULIE'S QUESTION

To The Editor:

(In response to the December newsletter question from Julie,
who asked about the first book in the Discworld series)

The first book is assumed to be Color of Magic, and the
books follow in order of when they were written.  However,
you also asked if this would be the book to start with,
and I think...no (and I think others agree with me)

There is no set book to start on (as many will tell you),
though some websites post maps showing certain books
that are best (dreadfully confusing things).  I myself
started in the middle of the series with Reaper Man,
one of the few in my local library, and it was just fine.
I went back to read the first two books of the series,
Color of Magic and Light Fantastic, and I didn't enjoy
them very much.  They were good books, better than
most, but the only thing that kept me reading was the
fact that I had read Terry Pratchett’s books before,
and thought that it was worth it.

The conclusion I shall now draw after this horribly wordy
response is loosely based on others’ experience.  When
I command my friends to read Terry Pratchett books
(I’m only human, and, besides, it’s good for them),
I recommend Wyrd Sisters, and it turns out that it’s a
very good book to start with.  It’s fairly early in the series,
and it’s very enjoyable.  Another good book to get you
hooked on Discworld is Guards!  Guards!  Either one works.

It’s my opinion that the later you go into the series,
the better the books, but everything has to start
somewhere, I suppose, and it would be terribly confusing
and annoying for one to read through the s backwards
(the whole plot of Mort was ruined for me when I read
Soul Music first).

Good Luck

-- Sam
sam927@...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
9) KFL MEET REPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SYDMEET REPORT - TWO VERSIONS

Date: 24th Jan 2003
People in attendance: Conman, Mysapp, Timerryn, Cat, Cats Mum.
Sydney, Australia

MUNDANE VERSION

We met before 9:45 at Epping Station, all 5 of us. Caught the train to
Central. We waited for almost an hour, generally talking and stuff, just in
case someone else would turn up. They didn't. At this time it was cloudy.

We wandered in the general direction of the Galaxy bookshop, and looked
around in there (Conman even took a few photos) until around 1 o'clock, and
then wandered in the vague direction of Darling Harbour to get something to
eat. We found a place and had kebabs, except for Merryn, who had a fruit
thingy. When we were walking towards Darling Harbour there was a sun shower,
but I may have been the only one to notice it.

We sat on a bench next to this lake-type-thing and talked, watched the ducks
and seagulls and ibis, got quizzed from the two Discworld quizbooks that
Conman brought along, until we realized that it was four o'clock, even
though it had been two o'clock just a few minutes ago. By this time it was
incredibly sunny, and hot even in the shade.

We walked towards Town Hall Station and went home, except Conman stayed in
the city coz he had to do some other stuff there. I'm sure I got sunburnt.

--Cat (if I've left anything out, feel free to correct me).

Now to translate Cat's words into some vaguely
dwarfish tale:

LITERARY VERSION

Bright was not the day and hope stayed away as the
Wizzards gathered, at the meeting of ways known in
mythology as "Epping Station," at a time of
convenience to all.

Yea, and they marched down the station. Conman was
there, and Mysapp too. Timmerryn, drawer of cartoons
and the Cat. And watching over the Cat, Kerry (Cat's
mother).

Then came the great snake of silver (I've been reading
too many books of the "just getting to the
industrialized world" type, where those who didn't
invent the train get overawed by it), to carry them
away from danger (dubious) and into the place known as
"Central," where they hoped to be joined in their
quest by others amongst the Wizzards.

And they waited. And waited. And waited some more,
until finally their patience gave out and they left.

Then they wandered, and found themselves in a place of
great treasures, and it was named Galaxy, and a
veritable galaxy (exaggeration, gotta love it *g*) of
books did await.

Then indecision did take them, until finally hunger
did drive the questors to food by the water, in the
place known as a Harbour. Here it was that foreign
food was partaken by all parties, and where a barely
noticeable rain (which I wouldn't have noticed if a
drop hadn't landed on my nose :P) of acid (well, all
rain is slightly acidic, IIRC) did fall upon them.

And now were they required to pass the great test, as
ConMan withdrew two great tomes of knowledge and
assailed them with questions, yea and time itself was
forced to bend to the passage of the quiz, until
finally the weary ones prevailed, as the quizmaster
agreed that the shadows had lengthened greatly.

-- Mysapp
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

MEET REPORTS CONTINUE ON PAGE 3
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

WOSSNAME -- FEBRUARY 2003 -- PART 2 OF 3 (continued)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ooooooooooooWoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
THE DISCWORLD NOVEL HAIKU CHALLENGE
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Drusilla, our in-house Part-Time Goddess of Bad Pottery and
recently-appointed Limerick Mistress has expanded her poetic
activities into the haiku realm.  She has challenged our
readers to sum up the plot or essence of Discworld novels
into a set of 12 haikus.  Here are the top entries so far:

5) MASKERADE

Miss 'Perdita' Nitt
Fine figure of *two* women
Sings self-harmony

Granny and Nanny
In need of a junior witch
Head for Ankh-Morpork

The Opera Ghost
Perpetrator of murders
Is he man or spook?

Slack-jawed Walter Plinge
A man of multiple masks
Sweeps away secrets

Christine's empty head
Fills up with dreams of stardom...
Well, she *looks* the part!

Opera giant
Enrico Basilica
A Shades boy at heart

Nanny's recipes
Add some euphemistic heat
To the proceedings

"Opera is art
"It's not about the money"
Bucket's in despair

Is *he* man or cat?
What an exciting chase scene!
Greebo steals the show

Exit Perdita
Ghost caught, case solved, justice done
Agnes Nitt goes home

--Drusilla D'Afanguin
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6) CARPE JUGULUM

Always three there are,
Maiden, Mother and ... other.
But now there are four.

Vampires with a 'y',
Invited into Lancre,
Immune to garlic.

Garlick, Magrat (Queen)
Protective of her baby,
Becomes the mother.

Agnes, of two minds,
Breaks through vampiric glamour,
Remains a maiden.

Granny in hiding
Makes Nanny the 'other one' -
The new coven forms.

In the Gnarly Ground,
Granny is lost in her thoughts,
Acts as though beaten.

Along with a priest -
Reverend Mightily Oats,
The coven sets out.

Into Uberwald,
To Don'tgonearthe Castle,
The Magpyr clan's home.

They meet an Igor,
Granny shows more hidden strengths,
The Old Count returns.

The vampyrs withdraw,
Townspeople start to fight back,
All is right again.

--ConMan
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

7) LORDS AND LADIES

Circles in the crops
Lords and ladies gathering
Snow in the circle

New age girls dancing
Make witchcraft fashionable
Power is conferred

A duel at high noon
Granny stops to help a child
Diamanda fails

A marriage is planned
Verence and Magrat to rule
Tapestries boring

An Entertainment
A play is being performed
The Dancers open

Casanunda courts
Nanny is fascinating
A feast is consumed

Ridcully transports
Granny remembers her past
Unicorn attacks

Magrat is imbued
Queen Ynci's spirit peers out
Iron in the head

Nanny goes walking
The Long Man has big tonker
Elf King is amused

Granny is captured
Elf Queen gloats, plotting evil
The bees are swarming

Granny and Magrat
Fight the Elf Queen to standstill
A swarm is Borrowed

King takes Queen away
In the silence of the elves
All ends happily

--Kathy
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

8) SOURCERY

Wizard squared -
A source of magic pow'rful
Sourcerer is born.

Ipslore will not die
Inside staff he hides and guides
Destiny awaits.

Coin goes to Morpork
By wizards he is mock�d-
The cockroaches flee.

Hat of wizardry
Needs to get away quite fast
Rincewind's pulled along.

Conina protects
The Archancellor's great hat
Will the world survive?

Slavers take the hat
Conina follows closely
Rincewind tags along.

Hat bought by rich man
Nijel tries to be hero
Sourcery strengthens

Towers everywhere
Wizards want to rule the world
Not while Rincewind lives!

Abrim tries on hat
It has found a worthy mind
Sourcery beware!

Root of all problems
Back in Ankh, libraries burn.
Rincewind goes to home.

Rincewind saves the world.
Hero fights with sand in sock
Dungeons of time call.

--Cat
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

9) WYRD SISTERS

Ghostly king Verence
Fallen down the once clean stairs
Dagger in his back.

Insane Duke on throne
He wants to burn down forests
Land awakes once more.

True king thespian
Granny weaves her magic spell
Tomjon comes back home.

Past is but mem'ry
Witches fight back forcefully
Actors forget words.

Granny shows true self
Duchess is unaffected
But now she's in chains.

Tomjon will not rule
I'faith fool cannot be king
It does not matter.

True king regains throne
Duchess gets away with speed
The land gives a sigh

--Cat
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I suggest we let these entries sit for a while and
see what else comes in.  We'll judge them around
June, and hand out some sort of prizes.  Anyone
have suggestions for the prizes or would like to be
a judge? Write me at jschaum111@...

-- Joe

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
10) LETTERS FROM OUR READERS
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

To the Editor:

k p wrote:
> Hey - can anyone tell me how long the list has been going for?
>When it all began?

That's some information that is sadly lacking from the University
website (which you can find here, at http://ozdw.homes.com.au)� If any
of the remaining original members are still here (I think that's only
the Libwolf) would like to write a short history of BU, I'll put it up
there.

> I have been trying to remember how long I'd been lurking for before I
> finally posted an email. I remember listbot and I'm sure I was still at uni
> when I first joined but that would put it somewhere between 5 - 9 years
> ago.....

Listbot, yeah, that would make it fairly early then. � Yahoo! claims! we!
joined! on! Jun 9, 2000!� I think I joined in 98, and that was within a
year of the list starting IIRC.

> anyone? Jase - you should know...

They say if you remember the beginning, you weren't there.

--Jase - Director of Acronyms and Soapbox Monitor
http://www.geekzone.com.au/~jase

PS: Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw
through the leather straps
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jase and all,

To answer your question on how it all began:

It all started in April 1998 when I published Vol. 1 No. 1 of
WOSSNAME.  At that time, we had 130 members, less than
1/10 of what we have now.

The newsletter coaxed lots of lurkers out of the woodwork,
and everyone started to write in, especially the Australians.
(Why?)  Suddenly there was a BU group in Australia, a new
editor in South Africa, and KFL members flooding in from all over
the world. Last time I counted we had 40 countries involved,
on all six continents.

--Joe, oldest living KFL /BU entity, if this is what you call living ...
<)8-)

PS: This all happened so long ago that when we held our first
(and last) election, we only got two votes sent in.  I took this
as a sign from Blind Io that elections were unDisclike and
have never held one again.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you did not get all 3 parts, write: jschaum111@...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Part 2, says my computer -- continued on Part 3 of 3



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