Affirmation's Drops of Water, Issue 8, May 7, 2004 is available in
PDF and plain text format at http://www.umaffirm.org/gc2004/

The plain text version is also pasted below:
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Drops of Water
Published Daily During GC 2004 by Affirmation: United Methodists for
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns

May 7, 2004 GC 2004 Issue 8

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Where Do We Go From Here?

By Ken Rowe, Affirmation Co-spokesperson

I'm exited and tired, exhilarated and numb. As we hit deadline for
the final "Drops of Water," the General Conference is still in
session with tons of work to do. It is hard to get a good sense of
the state of the church. It is safe to say our stances are a bit more
to the Right than expected, and the coordinating and oversight of
boards and agencies could be more in the hands of the in-inclusive
faction in the church. On the other hand, many extremely negative
statements were defeated, and the moderate / progressives
candidates dominated the final results of Judicial Council and
University Senate elections. All current boards and agencies will
remain for the time being and there will be no radical change in the
distribution of Bishops. There has not yet been the complete Southern
Baptistification of The United Methodist Church, but we are still on
that path.

Thursday morning a powerful witness was presented to the General
Conference by a multitude of faithful folk from Soulforce, RMN,
Affirmation, MFSA, bishops, delegates, staff, and visitors. We not
only encircled the bar, we rolled the river of justice through the
delegate seating, around the community table, and among the bishops.
We want to thank all those who made it possible. You know who you
are. A special thanks to SoulForce for working with such integrity
and honesty this week as they and others negotiated the action.

Where do we go from here? That is an individual choice. If all the
progressives left the denomination today, I believe that Affirmation
would remain within The United Methodist Church to witness, care for,
and feed those baptized who come out and whose hearts are opened.
The reality is that as a movement, we aren't leaving. We are
continuing to celebrate the Spirit's movement in our lives and work
to strengthen the connection between movements for inclusion and
justice. For me, this General Conference is a time to reprioritize.
I personally am committed to becoming active in the Reconciling
Clergy, MOSAIC, and MFSA. This in addition to continuing in
Affirmation. I hope to see many old and new friends at the
Affirmation program retreat this fall and at MFSA's "Voices of Faith"
March 31 - April 2, 2005.

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The Rock Will Wear Away Eventually

We came. We witnessed. We did our best to be the drops of water to
wear away the stone. We find that this stone is a very hard stone.
We did not succeed in wearing it away this time.

With that we recognize that there will be membership losses. Some
progressive members will despair of the church ever changing, will
tire of the process, and leave for more spiritually fulfilling
pastures.

We also recognize that some may rejoice in our pain, having retained
and clarified what they see as the 'doctrinal purity of the church.'
To you we say that any victory that results in suffering and
spiritual injury to others is a hollow victory at best. Our church
has failed to declare itself a church to all of sacred worth.

To our members, we say,

Can we be like drops of water
Falling on a stone?
Splashing, breaking, dispersing in air
Weaker than the stone by far but be aware
That as time goes by
The rock will wear away.
And the water comes again.

Meg Christian & Holly Near, Singers & Songwriters, ® 1976
Thumbilina
Music BMI/Hereford Music ACAP

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If I Were Not Here,
Would You Tell My Story?

(EDITOR'S NOTE: The following is one story in many. Please send
the one you know to the address at the end of the story.)

By Peggy Gaylord,
Affirmation Co-Spokesperson


Suicide - we speak usually in hushed tones, euphemistically even more
so than "normal" death. We don't want to hear about it. It seemed
glossed over on the floor of the plenary session the other day when
the rate was given of teen suicide related to sexual and gender
identity issues, estimated at 30%. And it's not just teens - the
rate for adults is probably higher as well, though these statistics
are difficult to glean.

After being at the 1988 General Conference, volunteering the full
time as a marshal, I heard the story of a woman who had committed
suicide shortly thereafter. She was ordained a deacon as an open
lesbian. After the voting, she knew she would not be allowed to be
ordained an elder regardless of her gifts and graces. She had
touched my life at a conference the previous year with a workshop she
led, and then I had talked to her on the phone at great length one
Saturday afternoon. I shared her story on the floor of my annual
conference a few weeks later. We voted to become a Reconciling
Conference. After the vote, our Bible study resource leader
came up to me - he told me that he had married her (I was confused),
performed the covenant service between her and her partner. Somehow,
she had lost sight of the difference between the acceptance of the
UMC, and the acceptance of God. I knew her as a profoundly grounded
spiritual person.

Four years ago, I experienced many losses in every area of my life in
a few short months, virtually everything that had been important to
me including the end of a long-term relationship. Sometimes I had a
feeling of just wanting out of life. Who doesn't in a time like
that? When my unemployment ran out, I reached a point of
physiological panic and anxiety that could not be controlled by
medication. As soon as I consented finally to try medication, my
suicidal thoughts escalated dramatically (which I now know
was also a side effect of the drugs, but no doctor admitted it
then). This occurred in the months prior to GC2000. Since I had
gone to three General Conferences already, my identity defined me as
someone who does that. When my life changed so much that I couldn't
go and be present, it was utterly unacceptable to me - being
disconnected from the body triggered me into a crisis that resulted
in my first psychiatric hospitalization at age 46, during GC2000.
While some were arrested in Cleveland, I was also locked up.
I spent the next 10 months in hell, constantly suicidal, with little
relief from traditional medical models, being hospitalized six times.

It stopped almost as quickly as it had started, with a series of
spiritual experiences in a few short weeks and concrete physical help
from one of my pastors, an old friend. I want to be clear - my
sexual identity was not in question; however, the effects of our
societal and religious lack of support in understanding gay-
identified people's situations were a significant contributor to my
suicidal ideation. I didn't find hospital staff and health care
providers to be homophobic, but they were heterosexist.

Suicidal thoughts had been an issue for me over the years though they
had diminished until this particular period of time. I think anyone
who generally feels different, never feels that they really fit in, is
susceptible to these kinds of thoughts. I hadn't used any medication
for depression in 30 years. In 1987 I had participated in a week-
long healing seminar and was prayed over to remove these thoughts.
It was over two years before I had an occasional thought again. I
was healed of my alienation in the world, not my sexual orientation.
But sometimes suicide is a little contagious. When I heard a couple
of years ago about a former Affirmation Council member who had killed
himself, I spent a few days thinking that maybe it really is a valid
option.

What makes this worse in a way is that I no longer think of it mainly
as a way out; my belief has become that I would return to God and the
Peace that passes all understanding in that other dimension beyond
this world. Who wouldn't want to be "in God" instead of inside the
plenary sessions of the United Methodist Church? When I lose the
feeling that God is still present in this world, I just want to go
Home. Somehow, I have to nurture my connection to God here in the
present, and I need your help to do that. We primarily see God in
how we experience each other. "May the God in me greet the God in
thee." -Namaste.

Fortunately, I have been virtually free of suicidal thoughts for three
years. But, if I chose to leave this world, would you tell my story
of how the church didn't help me keep that sense of being able to be
connected to God in this world?

Please send names and/or stories to Peggy Gaylord, Affirmation
Co-Spokesperson, at aMiracleToday@... or PO Box 2988,
Binghamton,
NY 13902-2988.

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I's Been Fun...Sorta...

Coming to GC to edit and produce a daily newsletter was a challenge.
Writing stories, soliciting stories, formatting it, proofing it.all
in a few short hours. We did it because we were chained to our
laptops and had no choice.

You had 2 co-editors, Gary Shephard and Judy WestLee. They have been
co-editing the quarterly printed Affirmation newsletter for about a
year. Judy is hanging up her editor's pencil after the next print
issue. (That's a hint that applications are being taken. See
www.umaffirm.org or write Ken Rowe at kianrowe@....). GC
2008 will be in Fort Worth, TX, Gary's turf. So, he's not certain if
he'll be helping out with local logistical issues or what.

If you've particularly enjoyed or been moved by a piece in our GC
newsletter, we would certainly like to hear about it. If there was
anything you think we really fouled up, well, be gentle but we need
to hear about that, too, for the next GC daily newsletters so that we
can do better next time.

Gary Shephard
Judy WestLee

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Special Final Day Events
Friday, May 7

"Baptized, Blessed, and Beloved: We Are Still Standing" - Family
Gathering with Lunch - 1 p.m. Smithfield United Church, Common
Witness space. A time for sharing feelings and stories, singing
songs, sharing "Miracle Moments," and gathering as family before we
leave Pittsburgh to be the church of Jesus Christ from sea to shining
sea. Join us at our home away from home, Smithfield United Church.

After GC Closing Session - The actual ending time of the closing
session is unknown. Common Witness volunteers are invited to find
the rainbow outside the primary exit of the plenary hall to stand
together as a lasting witness to the delegates as they depart GC
2004. Send them home with the message, "We are still standing!"
Then follow the rainbow and leaders to the Holy Communion site for a
celebration of grace for all God's children.

Evening Gathering - "Celebration of Life!" - After our Witness after
the Closing Session. All Common Witness volunteers are invited to
celebrate together at Tuscany's on 1501 E Carson St., a short walk
from the Holiday Inn Express, our other home away from home.

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Last Day Events

Hospitality Room at Smithfield United is open 6 a.m.- 4 p.m. Open
space available until 11 p.m.

Breakfast and Legislative Briefing For Delegates (Volunteers and
Visitors welcome) 7 - 8 a.m. today Smithfield United.

Weekday Common Witness Lunch for delegates, volunteers and visitors at
Smithfield Church, between 12 noon and 1:30 p.m. today.


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Drops of Water

Drops of Water is published each day the conference is in session
during General Conference 2004 by Affirmation: United Methodists for
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns, PO Box 1021,
Evanston IL 60204-1021. Email: UMAffirmation@.... Web:
www.umaffirm.org

(c) 2004 Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,
and Transgender Concerns

Only Affirmation's spokespersons, Peggy Gaylord and Ken Ian Rowe, may
represent the official positions of the organizations. All articles
in Drops of Water reflect the opinions of the individual authors and
are not necessarily the official position of Affirmation: United
Methodist.

Coeditors:
Judy WestLee
Gary Shephard

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Affirmation's Mission Statement

Affirmation: United Methodist is an activist caucus of lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender people, our families, and friends,
organized to speak for ourselves. Together we:

-Proclaim a gospel of respect, love, and justice;
-Relentlessly pursue policies and processes that support full
participation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in
all areas and levels of The United Methodist Church;
-Overcome the barriers that diminish our common humanity by excluding
or judging people because of their race, gender, class, or physical
abilities;
-Empower people to undertake works of inclusion and justice where
they are.


Drops of Water, Issue 8, May 7, 2004