Drops of Water

Published Daily During GC 2004 by Affirmation: United Methodists for
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns

Issue 5, May 4, 2004

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No Prayer Allowed?

The coalition of Progressive United Methodists ask: "Is it civil
disobedience to pray?" or "Will General Conference 2004 of The
United Methodist Church demand all praying cease?"

Affirmation, the Methodist Federation for Social Action and the
Reconciling Ministries Network will join together in prayer over the
General Conference from 6:30 to 8:15 a.m. today (Tuesday, May 5)
before the opening worship service and plenary session.

Members of these three organizations will kneel along the walkways of
the Convention Center for 90 minutes. Prayers will be offered for
the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons
in all aspects of The United Methodist Church.

The Prayer Vigil will be repeated 30 minutes each before the
afternoon and evening Plenary Sessions.

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The Call Never Goes Away
By Peggy Gaylord


Sitting in the COSROW service Sunday, "Returning to the Well: A
Celebration of Women Following Their Call," suddenly I was
remembering my own call to ordination, one that I've experienced at
least since age 10, and how it was not fulfilled until I was ordained
in a non-mainline denomination 10 years ago. Even though I was able
to be ordained elsewhere, it doesn't begin to "make up for" my call
to ministry in the UMC. And even though it's been almost 30 years
since I was exploring seminaries, finally realizing after the 1976
General Conference that the UMC was not ready for me nor I ready for
the institutional UMC-I thought the wounds would heal completely over
time; but the pain from the scars can again be triggered in settings
like these at General Conference, especially during worship.

What pain? The pain of not being able to pursue my spiritual journey
in the way I understood it; the pain of being laity and being
excluded from the "inner circles" of my clergy friends (laity can't
really understand, won't understand or respect confidentiality,
etc.); the pain of no longer speaking of the pain because it's been
so long, how could it possibly still be an issue, still ache or stab
at times? Though I withdrew voluntarily from the ordination process,
I didn't begin to know the spiritual and emotional price
I would pay over the years for not following then where I felt led.

In 1988 I saw a man in an official role for General Conference with UM
Communications. We had dated for several months while I was a
freshman at Cornell. I didn't want to be pressured into a commitment
while still a freshman, did not want to be pressured into a sexual
intimacy beyond what seemed to be appropriate for me in the context
of the rest of my life at that time; I wasn't sure I aspired to being
a pastor's wife. When I suggested that possibly we should shift to
seeing each other a little less, he grabbed me by my throat and shook
me to try to convince me to stay in the relationship. He convinced
me only not to be in a relationship again where my partner was
significantly larger than I. I saw him at Boston Theological
Seminary three years later when I visited a session for prospective
students. He could pursue his call to ministry, and I couldn't.

I see other friends here who have been able to answer their call to
ordained ministry. One person was someone I considered a close friend
prior to her call to ministry. She was supportive of me, saw things
with a different perspective than most, valued who I was-had been
particularly nurturing when I finally shared that I am bisexual.
Though I'm not aware of any conscious rift and sometimes I long for
that lost connection, I think maybe it was natural that we would go
our separate ways; her journey to seminary reminded me, and her
obviously successful ministry reminds me, that she could pursue
her call to ministry, and I couldn't.

While in my own case the process never reached an official
determination of whether I had gifts and graces to offer the church,
I've watched many people over the years, friends and acquaintances-
lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people-whose gifts and graces
had been confirmed and who:

*have pursued their call to ministry;
*have been stripped of their ordination;
*have voluntarily given up their orders;
*have transferred to other denominations;
*have withdrawn from the UMC or from Christianity-and some who have
withdrawn from life, who have committed suicide when their call to be
ordained was denied or they were denied at some other point in their
ordination process.

Today, I am at General Conference, committed to answering the call
resulting from my baptism: to be present; to stand; to speak, listen,
and hear; for all those who have not been able to answer their call.

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Something Is Missing

By Michael Bledsoe

"Something must have been left out of the recipe 'cause it didn't
turn out at all like it was supposed to!"

How often has this scenario happened to you or folks you know?
Following a recipe from a trusted friend or family member, how high
did your joyful excitement rise before falling to deep despair as you
realized something must have been left out of the recipe 'cause it
didn't turn out at all like it was supposed to!

Half my life ago, I found myself married to a beautiful, young
woman. We loved God and were so excited to be serving God together
as a team. We had a beautiful new born son. I had recently
graduated from Perkins School of Theology and had been ordained a
deacon. All indications seemed to say, God was guiding and moving us
toward a wonderful and blessed ministry. Wife by my side, I'd soon
be ordained an elder in the Central Texas Conference. But something
must have been left out of the recipe 'cause it didn't turn out at
all like it was supposed to!

Before our wedding, I told my beautiful bride-to-be about the
occasional attractions I felt to men, and I assured her I had never
acted on those attractions. We agreed to proceed with our wedding
plans as we were confident that our shared prayer life would bring
God's power against all evil and our marriage would be so fantastic
that my attractions to men would fade away. I had accepted Jesus,
the Christ as my personal savior more than 10 years earlier, so that
part of the recipe was already taken care of. We knew our gracious
God would cause my attractions to men to fade away to nothingness.
But something must have been left out of the recipe 'cause it
didn't turn out at all like it was supposed to!

Before our first wedding anniversary, I knew my attractions to some
men were not fading as they were supposed to. Even though some
attractions were strong, I remained faithful to my wife. She
encouraged me to seek counseling. I also tried a seminar and books
promising freedom from homosexuality. I asked strong prayer warriors
to pray for me and with me. Still, something must have been left out
of the recipe 'cause it didn't turn out at all like it was supposed
to!

After five years of marriage filled with internal torture, I filed for
divorce, withdrew from seeking elders orders, and changed careers.
How fervently we had followed the recipe of our trusted family in the
faith, only to find out through personal trauma that something had
been left out of the recipe 'cause it didn't turn out at all like it
was supposed to!

Some 25 years later, my ex-wife, our son, and I all see how we did
the right thing. We all see ourselves as much better off than had we
tried to keep our marriage going without that special erotic love
between partners in a long term, committed relationship. My ex-wife
is now happily married, and I am too.

I met a wonderful Christian guy. We have built a long term,
committed, monogamous relationship, and we celebrate our eighteenth
anniversary this year. He has nudged me along with God to seek a
place of ministry making use of the gifts and graces God has given
me. I am finishing my first semester in my journey to become a
licensed professional counselor.

Please help us put an end to stories like that of my ex-wife, my son,
and me. Please correct the recipe so that others won't have to find
out through personal trauma that something must have been left out of
the recipe 'cause it didn't turn out at all like it was supposed to!

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SoulForce Info

Anyone interested in contacting SoulForce to volunteer in their
efforts here at GC is invited to call Marylee Fithian at 707-953-
2353. Marylee is one of the United Methodist SoulForce coordinators.

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Daily Events at GC


Hospitality Room at Smithfield United is open 6 a.m. - 11 p.m.
weekdays through Thursday, May 6.

Weekday Breakfast and Legislative Briefing For Delegates (Volunteers
and Visitors welcome) 7 - 8 a.m. Smithfield United.

Weekday Common Witness Delicious and Affordable Lunches for delegates,
volunteers and visitors at Smithfield Church, 620 Smithfield St.,
between 12 noon and 1:30 p.m.

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Love Makes a Family Photo Exhibit


Love Makes a Family is an exhibit of photographs and interviews with
families that have lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender members.
Through first-person accounts and positive images, this exhibit seeks
to challenge and change damaging myths and stereotypes about LGBT
people and their families. Love Makes a Family helps in the process
of dismantling the destructive power of prejudice and intolerance,
thereby making the world a safer place for all families.

Love Makes a Family is being shown in the meet-here.com space at 945
Liberty Ave., just two short blocks from the convention center and a
block from Smithfield United Church, during regular open hours,
generally 6:30 a.m. to midnight.

Love Makes a Family was arranged to be at General Conference by the
Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference Reconciling Ministries and
Affirmation.

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Drops of Water

Drops of Water is published each day the conference is in session
during General Conference 2004 by Affirmation: United Methodists for
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns, PO Box 1021,
Evanston IL 60204-1021. Email: UMAffirmation@.... Web:
www.umaffirm.org

(c) 2004 Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,
and Transgender Concerns

Only Affirmation's spokespersons, Peggy Gaylord and Ken Ian Rowe, may
represent the official positions of the organizations. All articles
in Drops of Water reflect the opinions of the individual authors and
are not necessarily the official position of Affirmation: United
Methodist.

Coeditors:
Judy WestLee
Gary Shephard



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Affirmation's Mission Statement

Affirmation: United Methodist is an activist caucus of lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender people, our families, and friends,
organized to speak for ourselves. Together we:

-Proclaim a gospel of respect, love, and justice;
-Relentlessly pursue policies and processes that support full
participation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in
all areas and levels of The United Methodist Church;
-Overcome the barriers that diminish our common humanity by excluding
or judging people because of their race, gender, class, or physical
abilities;
-Empower people to undertake works of inclusion and justice where
they are.



Drops of Water Issue 5, May 4, 2004