Merry Christmas Quotations

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer
and more beautiful.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.  ~Carol
Nelson

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.  ~Roy L.
Smith

Christmas, children, is not a date.  It is a state of mind.  ~Mary Ellen Chase

Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet,
for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.  ~W.J. Cameron

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:  the presence of a happy family
all wrapped up in each other.  ~Burton Hillis

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.  ~W.J. Cameron

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are
better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at
Christmas-time.  ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  ~Charles
Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes of children,
they are all 30 feet tall.  ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the
genial flame of charity in the heart.  ~Washington Irving

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't
know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at
other times.  ~Kate L. Bosher

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time
in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true
sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in
short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.  ~Francis C. Farley

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.  ~W.T. Ellis

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve.  Yuletide
excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age.  ~Carrie Latet

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! 
~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.  ~Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself...
~Norman Wesley Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas," 1976

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. 
~Janice Maeditere

Only in souls the Christ is brought to birth,
And there He lives and dies.
~Alfred Noyes

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at
Christmas time.  Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with
legs?  ~G.K. Chesterton

For the spirit of Christmas fulfils the greatest hunger of mankind.  ~Loring A.
Schuler

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it
every month.  ~Harlan Miller

Keep your Christmas-heart open all the year round.  ~Jessica Archmint

Tradition: sit with husband in a room lit only by tree lights and remember that
our blessings outnumber the lights.  Happy Christmas to all.  ~Betsy Cañas
Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com

From http://www.quotegarden.com/christmas.html
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Raising Kids Who Care
How to Nurture Compassion in Your Children

In a recent Focus on the Family Article, Author Tiffany Stuart mentioned
noticing a teen's T-Shirt that said: "Don't be fooled, I just ACT like I care."
Tiffany turned her moral outrage at the synical attitude into an essay on ways
to nurture compassion in our children.

She suggests creating a compassionate environment begins at home.
For her wonderful ideas on raising compassionate kids, follow the link below.

http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/focusmagazine/parentfamily/A000001278.cfm

==========================


A Special Christmas Eve

I can remember it as if it were yesterday. It was Christmas Eve, 1968 and I was
an eleven year old boy – yes, I am 51 – and I was captivated by the Apollo 8
team, whose dangerous and courageous mission was to orbit the moon in what was
really a tin can in space. I can remember the daily reports about the mission,
which usually coincided around dinner time in Scotland.

That evening, there was a special report late at night because the astronauts
were making a special broadcast. Although I didn't get to see it until the next
day, it was in all the news. The Apollo 8 astronauts had made Christmas that
year very special because each of them read from the Bible.

William Anders began the broadcast with a special introduction:

"We are now approaching lunar sunrise and, for all the people back on Earth, the
crew of Apollo 8 has a message that we would like to send to you.

He then started to read from the first chapter of the Book of Genesis: In the
beginning, God made the heavens and the earth….

Jim Lovell took over and read more verse from the first chapter, and then Frank
Borman quoted some more of Genesis and finished the broadcast with this message:

And from the crew of Apollo 8, we close with good night, good luck, a Merry
Christmas – and God bless all of you, all of you on the good Earth."

It was an astonishing moment in history and it had a profound affect on me. It
made me link God with the creation of the universe and I have never forgotten
the wonder of it all.

Days later, Madelyn Murray O'Hair, an atheist, responded by suing the United
States government, alleging violations of the First Amendment. The suit was
dismissed by the Supreme Court due to lack of jurisdiction, after all, how could
the Supreme Justices enforce anything that took place off the planet?

Less than a year later, on the historic Apollo 11 mission, Buzz Aldrin took
communion on the lunar surface shortly after landing. He kept his actions secret
for many years, but it was also an amazing event. It was the first time that a
Christian had ever taken communion on the surface of another world.

Every Christmas, the wonder of what God did way back 2000 years ago, always hits
me on Christmas Eve. In all of the billions of galaxies that this universe
contains, why did He choose this one? Amongst the zillions of stars, why did He
choose ours? And amongst the planets, why did He choose ours upon which to
bestow life?

And then, amongst all of the great empires, kingdom, and nations on earth, why
did God choose one of its smallest ones, Judea, to bring His Son into the world.
And out of all of the cities and towns of that small kingdom, why was little
insignificant Bethlehem chosen as the birthplace of the Messiah? And why not in
the house of a rich, powerful, and successful person? Why does God allow His Son
to be born and laid to rest in the feeding trough of a stable?

Because that's how God, great and almighty, omnipotent and eternal, works.

God does what He wills, in ways and for reasons that remain a mystery to us. He
makes promises and keeps them, so that we will benefit from His goodness, mercy,
and grace.

He promises never again to destroy the world, even though the wickedness of
humanity deserves it.

He promises to heal us, revive us, and restore us to His favor, even although we
have deeply offended Him.

He promises to forgive us of our sins, our past mistakes, and deepest regrets,
and make our contaminated souls clean before His eyes.

He promises to keep us when we listen to His Son, and never lose us.

He promises to bring His Son, Jesus, back into our world, so that we may seek
His Coming and know that we are never alone.

And His promises begin with God's choice to bring His Holy Son into the world,
in a stable, in a tiny town, in a small kingdom, on a tiny planet orbiting a
weak yellow sun, on the edge of the Milky Way, amongst gazillions of galaxies,
in this almighty universe, which is contained and sustained by God's thoughts
alone.

Let us pray: Lord God, You have called all of us to be here because You want us
to know that we are never alone in the universe. You want us to experience the
freedom that faith brings when we give our hearts and lives to Jesus. Liberate
us from the past; rejoice with us at this present time, and prepare us for that
wonderful day when Christ shall return to this planet, to claim and keep us for
His own. Both now and forever. Amen.

John Stuart traqair@... Knoxville, Tennessee, USA

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The Christmas Garter

Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old
daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked.

"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's
for holding up stockings."

"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next
Christmas Eve."

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Worth Remembering.....

"The U.S. Postal Service announced this week that they have
lost $3.8 billion this year. Here's the worst part: You know
how they lost it? In the mail."

-Jay Leno


=====================================

THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven
Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the
most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't
turned in her paper yet, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble with
her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind
because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and
maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of
the World are:

1. TO SEE
2. TO TASTE
3. TO TOUCH
4. TO HEAR."

She hesitated a little, and then added,

"5. TO FEEL
6. TO LAUGH
7. AND TO LOVE."

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.

Those things we overlook as simple and ordinary are truly wondrous.  This is a
gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be bought...but are
gifts from above. (James 1:17)

From Mikey's Funnies at www.mikeysFunnies.com

No Thanksgiving Dinner

Tis the night before Thanksgiving and all through our house
No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse,
For I am all nestled, so snug in my bed;
I'm not gettin' up and I'm not bakin' bread.
No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce
Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter
I almost got up to see what was the matter.
As I drew in my head and was tossing around
To the bed came my husband, he grimaced, he frowned.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He scared me to death and I thought, "Here he goes!"
He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt
And the look that he gave was intended to wilt.
So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw
I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue.
"You prancer, you dodger, you're lazy, you vixen
Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you're fixin."
But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout:
"I'm just plain too tired and we're eating out!"

Contributed by:  Mariane Holbrook via www.humormatters.com
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Bonus Funnies....

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't
find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys
get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

58 percent of Americans say Thanksgiving Day isn't complete without this.  What
is it.  It wasn't pumpkin pie, dressing, or cranberry sauce.  It wasn't
Football, or pecan pie, or giblet gravy.  58 percent of Americans say
Thanksgiving Day isn't complete without a NAP!  Betcha didn't see that one
coming?

======================================

Thanksgiving Special

In the past we got a lot of comments about the story of Abraham Lincoln and his
declaration of a time of Thanksgiving during the Civil War.   You can find it in
our archives.

A lot of folks like to trace the Thanksgiving Holiday we celebrate in the US
today back to the Pilgrims.  However, some of the history that is Thanksgiving
Day was forged during a very difficult time.   The fall of 1777 was a
particularly bleak time in American History.  However, the founding fathers
still found time to give thanks to God.

For the full story go to http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122765806822958269.html
for the full story of what Thanksgiving is all about.   You'll find a wonderful
article by Ira Stoll on the Wall Street Journal web site.

On another note, if you're cooking your traditional Thanksgiving Turkey and
having problems there are some great sources of help.  Try
www.busycooks.about.com and look for Thanksgiving 101.

We're heading off to my sister's house for a family gathering Thursday.

Here's hoping your Thursday is one of true Thanksgiving.

Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

Tough Old Cowboy

A tought old cowboy from South Texas counseled his grandson that if he wanted to
live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gun powder on his oatmeal
every morning.

The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103 when he died.

He left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchidren, 25
great-great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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Worth Repeating......

I don't bother getting even. I just get odd.

==================================


What's your child thankful for?
Each month, children like yours receive an exciting magazine created just for
them: Focus on the Family Clubhouse Jr.® and Focus on the Family Clubhouse®!

These life-changing magazines are packed with fun stories, Bible lessons and
easy-to-read articles that help bring Christian values like thankfulness--to
life.

Here's what some of our readers are thankful for:

"I am thankful for superheroes like the Incredible Hulk, because they save
people. But I know Jesus is the best superhero of all!"
--Eli G., age 5

"I'm thankful for Jesus in my heart and the armor of God."
--Seth S., age 6

"I'm thankful for my friends, Madison and Catherine, because they are so loving
and kind to me."
--Addison E., age 5

Of course, they're also thankful for the games, puzzles and activities included
in the magazines each month--not to mention the other age-appropriate treasures!

Inspire a spirit of thankfulness in your child this Thanksgiving.

To start your subscription to Clubhouse Jr. or Clubhouse go to
www.focusonthefamily.com or
http://family.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/easy_find?Ntk=cbws_keywords&Ntt=\
clubhouse+magazine&action=Search&N=0&Ne=0&p=1145188&event=ORCE

Overheated Computers

In the office where I work, there is a constant battle
between our technical-support director and customer-service
personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too
low.

The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the
temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers
will overheat."

Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my
shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they
keep the computers from overheating before there was air
conditioning?"
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Worth Repeating....

If the heart can conceive it, and the mind can believe it, God
can achieve it.

       -- Charles Pollard

==========================

LORD PROP US UP

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old deacon who always prayed, 
'Lord, prop us up on our leanin' side.' After hearing him pray that prayer many
times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered,

'Well sir, you see, it's like this... I got an old barn out back. It's been
there a long time; it's withstood a lot of weather; it's gone through a lot of
storms, and it's stood for many years..

It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a bit.  So
I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it
wouldn't fall.

Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn.  I've
been around a long time.

I've withstood a lot of life's storms. I've withstood a lot of bad
weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still
standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time,
so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, 'cause I
figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.

Sometimes we get to

leaning toward anger,

leaning toward bitterness,

leaning toward hatred,

leaning toward cussing

leaning toward self pity,

leaning toward a lot of things that we shouldn't.

So we need to pray,

'Lord, prop us up on our leaning side, so we will stand straight and tall again,
to glorify the Lord.''

- Author Unknown

Editors NOTE:  I searched to try to find the author of this one, without
success.  If any of you can find the original source I'll gladly give credit for
this wonderful Modern-Day Parable.

Keith
the Sermon Fodder Guy

A Real Person

Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.

"Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked.

"I am real," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was,
could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"

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Worth Repeating.......

"A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not
protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might
actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was
published in this month's Journal of Things that Scientists
Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful
This Month." --Dennis Miller

===========================

DID YOU HEAR THE WHISPER?

Have you ever been in a situation – or met an individual – and thought to
yourself, "I don't know what it is, but something isn't right". More often than
not, we quickly dismiss the thought and later find out that the premonition was
right. As Christian leaders, we may desire to give situations and people the
"benefit of the doubt", but Scripture teaches that we should listen – and
respond – to God's whisper.

How often do you ignore the inner whisper that tell you when "something isn't
right"?

  Do you repeatedly wish that you had listened to your "hunch"?

  It is human nature to size things up by what they look like – but, not all
ducks look and quack like a duck. As a result,

God will often send a gentle whisper that warns us to be cautious of certain
situations and people. The enemy, however, will immediately try to get us to
dismiss the message. He will tell us that God's whisper is an example of us
being "paranoid". He will fill us with condemnation, and convince us that we're,
merely, "judgmental".. Nonetheless, listen to God's whisper. Stand firm in
knowing that Jesus forewarned:

  "Stay alert. This is hazardous work I'm assigning you. You're going to be like
sheep running through a wolf pack....Don't be naive" (Matthew 10:16-17, MSG).

Naivety wants us to respond to winds, earthquakes, fires, and other disasters.
But, God wants us to hear – and respond to – His gentle voice. When the prophet
Elijah was in trouble, the Lord came to him in a whisper:

"...As the Lord approached, a very powerful wind tore the mountains apart...But
the Lord wasn't in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake. But the
Lord wasn't in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire came. But the Lord
wasn't in the fire. And after the fire there was only a gentle whisper" (1 Kings
19:11-12, NIRV).

Like Elijah, sometimes we will only receive a gentle whisper from from the Lord.
The questions are: "Will we listen?" and "Will we respond?" If we do, just
imagine how much pain, disappointment, and wasted time we'll be able to avoid.

Our cry:
Lord, thank You for Your gentle whisper that warns and guides me. Please
increase my sensitivity to Your voice, so that I may hear – and respond. Teach
me how to evaluate all situations and people with keen discernment. Let Your
Spirit sharpen my awareness, so that I will know – with certainty – when
"something isn't right".

For I am Your handmaiden. I am Your servant.

Recommended reading:
1 Samuel 16:7, New International Reader's Version
1 Kings 19:11-12, New International Reader's Version
Matthew 10:16-17, Message Bible Translation

Marsha DuCille
Publisher/Editorial Director
publisher@...

Jesus' Granny

A little boy came home from his first day at Sunday School.

He told his mother that his Sunday school teacher was Jesus' granny.

"How did you reach that conclusion?" his mother asked.

"Well, she never stops talking about Jesus," he replied.

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From the Sermon Fodder "SAY What???" Department.....

Anyone who won't talk to God doesn't have a prayer.

===============================

THE END OF CHURCH AS WE KNOW IT

by Gary Chester

In case you haven't noticed, the young, restless and tattooed have all but
abandoned Christianity in America.

The 20 and 30 year olds are conspicuous, by their absence in church, compared to
the over 40 age groups.  It is most likely true at your church as it is with the
mostly older audiences you see on TV, in the churches of such popular pastors as
Osteen, Stanley, Hayford, etc.

Barring a wide-spread spiritual awakening, I predict the end of church as we in
America know it, to be within 20 years.  It already has occurred in Europe.

No longer will gatherings be filled with traditional pew-occupiers, who are just
as wrapped up in conspicuous consumption and amusements as the culture at large
is.  There will instead be mostly smaller groups of whole-hearted believers,
gathering and worshiping in an assortment of various settings.

These whole-hearted ones will co-exist with co-workers and neighbors who often
scoff at Christianity.  But these faithful will be devoted to the difficult, but
welcome, mandate of living a God-filled life of service, sacrifice and witness
(Ephesians 4:12-16).

Rather than being driven to purchase the newest gadgets and kuzinkas, there will
be heart-felt yearnings to spread the grace of Christ through acts of kindness. 
Rather than an ESPN habit, there will be a practice of solitude, and of
deep-spirited friendships, in order to go deeper with God.  With this group of
radically loving agents of Christ, spiritual discussions will replace constant
trivial chatter about March Madness, Super Bowl, and other amusements.

These few will be perceived as "over-the-top" to the dominant secular culture,
but they also will be known for their love of one another.  They will possess a
mind-set of forgiveness that acquaintances will have to admit as being something
highly unusual, since forgiveness is an unnatural trait.

The immediate question is:
How do we connect with these cynical, soul-searching and restless ones?

They don't:

See how God can be loving, when so much suffering exists.
See Jesus as the only path to God.
See anyone's worldview being any truer than that of another.

The future is "one-on-one" ministry.  No longer do large strictly
"come-to-Jesus" services (i.e. Billy Graham) attract young crowds.  We instead
have to be active in our neighborhoods and work places where, if we're paying
attention, God provides opportunities to come alongside hurting and searching
people.  Their lives often are messy and a wreck.  They suspect everyone to have
self-serving motives, but they will respond to someone they think they can
trust.

God uses our lives to sacrificially show, a neighbor or a fellow worker, our own
radical life change because of His kindness (Romans 2:4).  The key word here is
sacrificial.  Read my 3/26/09 blog about how guitar lessons provided a
"one-on-one" opportunity.  (I'd like to hear of others.  gary@...)

Sacrificial doesn't mean cheesy smiles and easy answers.  Phony is out.  Real is
in.  People will respond to genuine concern - to acts of kindness - when nothing
in return is ever expected.  Your kindness may not seem to have much of an
effect right this very minute, but seeds that are planted today will sprout in
the future, and the watering will be done by another brother or sister.  And
you'll not know about it until you get to the other side.

www.menwhowin.com -- listen to my radio shows that compare the major religions
so that you can better know where others are coming from.  Click: Comparing
Religions

Mixed Metaphors

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers,
and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and
survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed
metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on
   the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife
   slicing through butter."

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"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason
for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries
of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one
tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. Never lose a holy
curiosity."

                     - Albert Einstein
================================

ANGEL ON THE BUS
by Susan MacGregor

       A friend of mine, Kathy, is a soon-to-be first time grandmother but was
upset that her daughter lived in Alberta.  Kathy lived in British Columbia and
wouldn't be able to see her grandchild as often as she would like.

       I am not a grandmother myself and was having a hard time convincing her
that there were ways to make a long distance grandparent relationship special
too.

       But never take lightly the forces of angels!  Here is her story of a
conversation with a "stranger" on her bus ride to work one morning:

       Kathy was knitting a baby sweater on her way to work on the bus and a
young woman in front of her noticed and struck up a conversation, asking Kathy
what she was knitting.  Kathy replied, "A baby sweater.  I'm going to be a
grandma in 4 weeks.  The only thing is that my daughter lives in Calgary."

       The young woman nodded in sympathy and began to tell her story about her
mom and dad who live in Newfoundland.  Her mom was not happy that her
grandchildren live so far away, but over the years they have developed a very
special relationship.  The kids, 3 and 6, call Grandma every day and sometimes
on the webcam.  When the 6 year old boy does something special (like learn a new
dance at school) he performs it for Grandma over the webcam.

       She went on to say that her kids love the mailbox and very often grandma
mails them things -- simple things like stickers from the dollar store.  During
Christmastime, she buys those musical cards from the dollar store and starts
sending them, each day leading up to Christmas, with little surprises inside. 
She said her son has a very special bond with his grandma -- more so than her
sister's kids who live in the same town.

       She then went on to speak about her 56 year old dad who has Parkinson's.
One day she was sharing with her mom that it was soon to be Special Person Day
at her son's school and that it usually was for grandparents.  She told her mom,
"No worries, I'll take the day off and be there."

       A few hours later the phone rang and it was her mom saying, "Your dad will
be there."  When grandpa arrived and was at the school, his grandson realized
something was wrong with him.  As the children were lining up in the gym beside
their special person, grandpa's hands were shaking as his grandson held on.  His
grandson whispered, "Grandpa, did you forget to take your meds?"

       Grandpa had tears in his eyes, as did the lady behind who heard, and as
Kathy did as she listened to this story.

       Kathy thanked the young woman for sharing her story with her and told her
it really helped her!  The young woman said she'd tell her mom too because it
would make her mom happy to know that her own story had helped someone else.

       Kathy's comment after that bus ride was, "OK, I'm good with it now and it
will be fun to create special little things to do for my grandchildren at a
distance!"

       An angel on the bus -- indeed!!

                -- Susan MacGregor

Susan lives in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.
As seen in Heartwarmers

Flight Ministry Opportunity

Steve Brown of the Key Life Network recently told about traveling cross country
by air when one of the passengers died.   The plane had to make an emergency
landing at Dallas-Ft.Worth to allow the body to be removed.

Many of the passengers were returning from a cruise in the Caribean, so the
flight had been something of a party-plane atmosphere up until the death.  As
passengers re-boarded the aircraft everyone seemed to be in a rather somber
mood.   Attempting to be the great man of God a lot of people think him to be
and sensing a ministry opportunity, Steve approached the head flight attendant
and offered his services.

"I'm a minister and I've had to deal with death and dying quite a bit in my
career.  I'd be happy to make myself available to talk to the passengers if you
think that would help them deal with this untimely death," he volunteered.

The flight attendent considered what he's said for a few seconds, then looked
him square in the face and without a blink repied, "Thanks for the offer, but I
don't think that'll be necessary reverend.  We're going to serve free drinks for
the rest of the flight."

With that, Steve smiled politely and quietly returned to his seat.

From Key Life Network 9-22-09 at www.keylife.org.
===
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Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
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forward this to friends or post on the net.

================================

Worth Repeating......

"No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made.
Destiny is made known silently."

        - Agnes De Mille

================================

Instruments Of God

For years my husband and I enjoyed our daily walks together. Sometimes we talked
quietly other times we were just together in silence.

But our walks lost their glow when, after an illness, I had to walk as therapy.
It changed our gait, our buoyancy. Moreover, it was changing my attitude. What's
the use,

I thought. It's doing no good. Then one day a little note arrived in the mail.
It said: "Keep it you two lovebirds! You make my day as you pass my window every
afternoon. Looking so fit and happy. I am a shut-in and don't know what I would
do without the inspiration you give. 'Things will get better' your presence
seems to say..."

Each of us is an instrument of God, sometimes inspiring one another without
knowing it. This week, let someone know what they secretly give you.

--June Masters Bacher

This devotional is excerpted from Daily Guideposts book of devotionals, now
available on www.OurPrayer.org

(The Timothy Report, www.timothyreport.com)

Highest Bidder Diet

My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor
held up an apple and a candy bar.

"What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to
our diet?"

"Low in calories" and "lots of fiber," were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, "Apples are
not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid fifty-five
cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.

From in back of the room a small voice spoke up. "I'll give you seventy-five
cents for it."

===
From Clean Laughts at:  www.cleanlaffs.com  To SUBSCRIBE to Clean Laffs visit:
http://www.gophercentral.com
====
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Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to
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forward this to friends or post on the net.

================================

Worth Repeating.....

Christ demands that the driving force in your life must be love.
All other things, although important, are secondary. Love is the
sign of true discipleship.

       -- Solly Ozrovech

===============================

Keith's Diet

Our humor item today caught my eye mainly because I happed to be on a diet.  I'm
trying to lose about 40 pounds in 12 weeks as part of a "Greatest Loser" type
event at work.

After talking to several friends who are on varying diets with varying success
rates, I decided to create a diet of my own.  I'm on the "Perrier and Soup
Diet."

Essentially, you have eat all of the soup and drink all of the Perrier that you
want.  Perrier is that expensive carbonated mineral water that comes in green
bottles.  As a comedian once said, "Anytime I want to blow a buck on a bottle of
water, I buy Perrier."

Mainly, I've cut back on carbs big time.  Plus, I'm normally a milk-a-holic.  My
proudest accomplishment of the last four weeks is that I actually made a gallon
of milk last for a whole week.  And it was skim milk at that.  I can usually go
through a gallon in about 3 to 4 days.

I've also given up soft drinks.  I think the Perrier is a key part because it
tastes kind of like soft drinks without all the junk.  It also is a little more
exciting than drinking plain old bottled water.  If Perrier is a bit pricey
where you live (like it is here) you can easily substitute club soda.

As of Saturday morning I had lost about 14 pounds in just under 4 weeks.  About
the only other thing I've done is start walking about two miles with Beth when
we get home in the afternoon.

I was doing OK until she decided we should have a big birthday dinner today for
several members of the family.  Yeah, I fell off the wagon.

I probably gained back about 4 pounds today.  However, I'm psyched up and ready
to get back on my diet big time on Monday.

If any of you decided to try the "Perrier and Soup Diet" please let me know how
you do on it.  Maybe I should consider getting it copyrighted.

Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

What's In A Name

My "extra" daughter is getting married in Nashville in November.  Were we
discussing her soon to be new last name.

She said it would take some getting used to using a different name.  It seems
her guy's last name is a bit unusual.  She shared how that recently led to a
misunderstanding at his office.

Where her betrothed works they have a community refridgerator in the break room
where everyone stores their lunch.  His lunch kept disappearing.  Since he had
recently transferred to a new location, he thought someone was playing a
practical joke on him.

One afternoon he had left some chips in his bag and went to retrieve them for a
snack during his afternoon break.  An employee who arrived at the refridgerator
before he did moaned, "Not again.  I just don't understand why people keep
putting old food back in the refridgerator every day."  The co-worker then
pulled a bag out of the fridge and dumped it in the trash.

Her groom to be quickly realized it was his lunch being dumped.  he couldn't
understand why since his last name was clearly printed in large letters on the
front of the bag.  It said very plainly, "OLD."

Then it hit him.  His co-workers had been removing his lunch and dumping it in
the trash because of his name being on the bag-- O-L-D, Old.

Copyright 2009 Keith Todd and the Sermon Fodder List.
====
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It is possible to begin again. It is hard, and we never do it perfectly, but it
can be done.   - Andrew Greeley

==================================

Instruments Of God

For years my husband and I enjoyed our daily walks together. Sometimes we talked
quietly other times we were just together in silence.

But our walks lost their glow when, after an illness, I had to walk as therapy.
It changed our gait, our buoyancy. Moreover, it was changing my attitude. What's
the use, I thought. It's doing no good.

Then one day a little note arrived in the mail. It said: "Keep it you two
lovebirds! You make my day as you pass my window every afternoon. Looking so fit
and happy. I am a shut-in and don't know what I would do without the inspiration
you give. 'Things will get better' your presence seems to say..."

Each of us is an instrument of God, sometimes inspiring one another without
knowing it. This week, let someone know what they secretly give you.

--June Masters Bacher


This devotional is excerpted from Daily Guideposts book of devotionals, now
available on www.OurPrayer.org

(The Timothy Report, www.timothyreport.com)

Mid-Term Test Answers

We all fail sometimes. But there's something about failing
with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders
from the most clueless - and inventive - of students.

* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin

* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie

* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones

* Biology *
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death

* Biology *
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television

* Religious Studies *
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony

* Physics *
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil
  fuels.
Answer: Fire

* Geography *
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar

* Geography *
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which
  country?
Answer: Malaria

* Geography *
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse

* History *
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence
  signed?
Answer: At the bottom.

Clean Laughs
www.cleanlaffs.com
====
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Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
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"The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one
was useless."
                  -Nicholas Chamfort

==================================

Are you a POOPED PASTOR?

Then check out www.PoopedPastors.com

There is nothing that even comes close to the grand and glorious privilege of
serving as a shepherd of God's people. Pastors get a
front row seat on God's awesome work in people's lives, an open door into the
hearts of God's people and a taste of reality that nobody else will ever
experience.

At www.poopedpastors.com, we've created a place where you can come and have
fellowship with other pastors…real pastors with "dirt under
their fingernails."

www.poopedpastors.com

===========================

JUST PART OF THE JOB

A resourceful doctor in rural Australia saved a boy's life with a handyman's
power drill a gre weeks ago. Hailed as a hero when the story broke globally, he
reacted modestly. "It was not a personal achievement," he said. "It is just a
part of the job, and I had a very good team of people helping me."

Dr. Rob Carson diagnosed a 12-year-old boy brought to a small hospital's
emergency room with a soon-to-be-fatal brain bleed. Nicholas Rossi had been
riding his bike and took a fall. His mother, a nurse, realized the bump on his
head could be serious and insisted on taking him to the hospital. By the time
they arrived, Nicholas was already slipping in and out of consciousness.

Dr. Carson made the correct call on what was happening and knew he had a very
short time to take decisive action. He made two decisions. First, he sent to the
maintenance room for a drill, for the rural hospital didn't have sophisti-cated
neurosurgical tools. Second, he called a neurosurgeon in Melbourne to ask help
with his dilemma. With an ordinary household drill in hand, he followed the
specialist's guidance through a procedure that worked flawlessly.

"General practitioners in country towns do procedures all the time," said Dr.
Carson. But a father's reaction to that modest take on what happened was very
different. "He saved our son's life!" declared Michael Rossi.

  Nicholas was released from the Melbourne hospital to which he was later
transferred on May 19. The date is significant because it was his 13th birthday.

Some of us would do well to follow the good doctor's example and learn to be a
bit more clever, gutsy, and inventive in our lives. Are you a sales person who
sits for long periods waiting to see clients? Keep a Bible or some other good
book with you to read instead of old magazines.

Are you a commuter? Rent a book on tape as an alternative to radio trivia. Can't
afford a week at the beach with your family? Explore interesting places within
an hour from home.

Has the tough economy challenged your company's customary client base? Has
illness altered the way your family functions? Has the community around your
church changed radically over the past few years? Every challenge is a disguised
opportunity for creative adaptation and productive learning.

Gideon used clay jars and trumpets to rout an army. Samson used the jawbone from
a donkey's carcass to defeat his enemies. Jesus used a little boy's sack lunch
of bread and dried fish to feed thousands. In these biblical episodes, people
took was at hand and put it into God's hands - with amazing outcomes.

Creativity often comes not from seeing the light but from feeling the heat.
Maybe it will be that way with the challenge you are facing today. Your task is
not to guarantee outcomes with certainty but to address problems with courage

  as seen in The Fax of Life
From Cup O'Cheer Compiled by: Kimberly B. Quiggle. Available Free by E-mail
every other day. To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the
subject line to cheer316@.... Tell her Sermon Fodder Sent you.

Regular or Premium

When their family car developed a slight knock, my neighbor and I started
discussing possible causes while we were visiting on their back deck.  I worked
as a mechanic all through high school, so I suggested maybe it was something as
simple as cheap gasoline.

My neighbor called to his wife to ask if she had bought regular or premium gas
the last time she drove into town.  She couldn't remember.

"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine
running so rough."

"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.

"Well, how much did it cost?" He asked, thinking that would help him determine
if she bought regular or premium.

"I didn't buy cheap gas.  It cost the same as always," his wife said from the
kitchen. "I bought twenty dollars worth just like I alwasy do."

Adapted from Doc's Daily Chuckle at
http://family-safe-mail.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=55
===
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and a modern-day parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-
subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward
this to friends or post it on the net.
==============================
Worth Repeating....

And what greater calamity can fall upon a nation than the loss
of worship.
       -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

==============================
Internet Evangelism Day Resources

April's Internet Evangelism Day was the fifth since this annual initiative
began. We are so grateful for the widespread coverage it received online, by
radio, and in the print media. Although we do not get to hear many stories of
how individual churches and groups have used IE Day, there were two encouraging
developments.

Christians in Singapore arranged a whole week of meetings and seminars in the
run-up to IE Day, and a Portuguese-language version of our site was launched on
IE Day in Brazil, as part of Ministério Avivamento Já resources.

Of course, the IE Day site is also a year-round resource guide for churches and
ministry groups. Here are some developments:

1. WEB EVANGELISM SPEAKER PANEL
We see a huge potential for web and digital evangelism, yet many parts of the
Church seem unaware of the opportunities for intentional evangelism (rather than
general web ministry). As yet, few bible colleges are including digital
evangelism in their curricula, and it is still uncommon to find cross-cultural
mission agencies using the Internet for outreach.

We have therefore created an international panel of speakers with the expertise
and experience to address a range of digital outreach opportunities and help
extend a wider understanding about them:
www.internetevangelismday.com/topicsuggestions.php
They are available for bible colleges, conferences, ministers' fraternals,
mission staff consultations etc. Many are also available for interview or a
remote seminar presentation/Q & A session using phone conferencing or Skype.

a)  We invite all those with experience of any area of digital evangelism to
join this panel. This includes using the 'Bridge Strategy' and popular culture
as a starting point, and also the wider perspective of how digital media are
changing the way we communicate.  Please read
www.internetevangelismday.com/application
which explains more about the concept. Then you can use the online application
form:
www.internetevangelismday.com/IEspeakerbureau
to add yourself, without obligation, to the panel. (Note that your details will
not be made public online - only we can access them.)

b)  Alternatively, if you need a speaker for a college course, conference, or
consultation, please visit:
www.internetevangelismday.com/speaker
and then make your request via that page.

OTHER FREE RESOURCES
Our site provides a wide range of free downloadable resources that explain the
potential for digital evangelism, including video clips, Powerpoint, drama
scripts and music. There are MP3 talks and audio features free to use in radio
or podcasts. Our free articles can be used or adapted by any editor for print
media. Please use these in any way you wish, and write if we can help you
further.
www.internetevangelismday.com/free-articles

Our Guide Network partnership is an informal networking resource for everyone
involved in any form of online or mobile evangelism, especially those working in
non-English languages or outreach to non-Western areas. It includes several
smaller networks for specific areas of outreach. The Guide Network is a
partnership between IE Day, Internet Evangelism Coalition, GCIA, Lausanne, and
visionSynergy:
www.internetevangelismday.com/guide

STORIES
One of the most effective ways to illuminate the potential of different forms of
digital evangelism is to tell true stories of effective results. Please send any
stories we can use in our site, newsletter or blog:
www.internetevangelismday.com/tellyourstory.php

Tony Whittaker
office@...

Secret Formula

The police in Willoughby County, New Hampshire recently busted a man selling
"secret formula" tablets that he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files the local police noticed it was the fifth time he
had been arrested for committing this exact same medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.

- from Marty (via Teddi's Humor List)
===
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and a modern-day parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-
subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward
this to friends or post it on the net.
==============================

Worth Repeating....

"When I hear somebody sigh that life is hard, I am always tempted to
ask,`Compared to what?'"
- Sydney J. Harris

===========================

Humiliation or Humility?

I was half-way through facilitating an intensive 34-week Bible study class. One
day I received a phone call from one of the men in the class. Immediately
following my "hello," he proceeded to tell me everything I had done wrong as a
facilitator. "You are arrogant and incompetent. You think you know everything,
when in reality you know very little. I can't imagine why the church allows you
to teach this class, or why you are even allowed to remain on the staff! I will
not be back to your class!" He continued for several minutes. Then, without
giving me an opportunity to respond, he hung up the phone.

I sat in stunned silence. I felt devastated, wounded, and shaken. I was caught
completely off guard! Until his call, I felt the class was going well. The
members were committed in their work and attendance. They had been studying and
sharing on a deep level. We were experiencing transformation personally and as a
group. I could not imagine what had prompted the angry monologue on the phone.

I went home that day, unable to shake the feelings of humiliation and failure. I
tried rationalizing the situation based on my perception of the man's
personality. He was, after all, critical of many things in the church. He was a
"recovering" alcoholic. He had been married and divorced a number of times, and
was even now estranged from most of his family. Therefore, maybe I didn't have
to put much stock in his criticism!

  But the phone call continued to nag at me. I had always been overly sensitive
to criticism. I found myself asking, "How will I deal with this? What if there
is truth in what he is saying? Am I supposed to learn something here?"

As I began to ponder and pray, I engaged in a conversation with God. "Okay, God,
I now know what humiliation is. But it sounds like humility is what I really
need. So how do I go about getting this humility thing?" I can still remember
where I was standing when God's answer came, crystal clear, into my mind. "Do
not seek after humility, for it will forever elude you. Instead, seek My face.
Only then can you find humility, and what's more, you won't even be aware of it.
But others will be." Humility is one of those funny things. Once you think you
have it, you can be assured that you don't! True humility only comes as we seek
the face of God, and seek to have His mind, heart, and motives in all we do.

  One definition of humiliation is "to lower the pride of." Humility, on the
other hand, is defined as "humbleness of mind." We can move from the humiliation
of having our pride lowered to humility when we recognize our short-comings and
are willing to face our situation again with pure motives. Our relationships at
work and at home will benefit when we are truly humble as Christ was humble.

By Judi Mayne © 2001-2006 H.E. Butt Foundation. All rights
reserved. Reprinted with permission from
www.laitylodge.org  and www.thehighcalling.org.

as seen in Women's Ministries

Bible Bafflement

My friend opened a ministry, using a snippet from the

Bible as the name.

But he soon regretted his decision to order office supplies

over the phone.

When his stationery arrived, it bore the letterhead

"That Nun Should Perish."

- from Tom Harrison (via Reader's Digest)

===
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Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop
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leave this attached if you forward this to friends.
===================

Worth Repeating....

"There are two kinds of people in this world - those who are always getting
ready to do something, and those who go ahead and do it."
- Elbert Hubbard
==========================

Are you a POOPED Pastor?  Then go directly to www.poopedpastors.com for some
refreshment. Do pass go. Do not collect $200.  Go directly to
www.poopedpastors.com.

The Sermon Fodder Guy

==============================

  I AM WHAT I AM

"By the grace of God I am what I am, and (God's) grace to me was not without
effect." (1 Corinthians 15:10)

Early in my ministry career I was a college chaplain and often spoke at youth
retreats. On one such occasion I was traveling from Chicago to Seattle with two
college students who were to provide music. We were on United Airlines which at
that time scheduled flight attendants to work together for an entire month.
Somewhere over South Dakota the crew announced that because this was the last
day of their working together, they were going to celebrate by holding a talent
contest for passengers. The winner would receive a bottle of champagne.

Bob, one of my musician companions, immediately pulled his guitar down from the
overhead luggage bin and went to the front of the plane with a handful of other
hopefuls. I knew the others had no chance - none - against this extraordinarily
talented young man with a flair for performance.

The passengers on our DC-10 were treated to a series of lame jokes and old songs
crooned badly - and then Bob. He sang a peppy song he had written using invented
words that was a hit at every youth retreat. He engaged his audience at 35,000
feet and soon had them singing his nonsense syllables with gusto. Returning to
his seat at the rear of the plane to loud applause, grinning from east to west,
Bob proudly displayed his bottle of champagne. "What else could I do?" he said.
"I am what I am - an entertainer!"

It's a great mercy to be able to accept the circumstances and opportunities -
and limitations - which make up my life in this moment. To receive and work
within them, not lamenting that they are not stronger.or other.than they are
right now - this is the meaning of living by grace. I am what I am. Greater
still is the mercy of hope, the ability to embrace my sample of life while
looking forward to what's next. It's not enough to say, "I'm stuck here; I can
do no other." Grace is dynamic. Full of hope, I accept with gratitude the
circumstances of today, but I live with the promise of tomorrow. I'm becoming
what I ought to be.

A young man whose body and speech were severely affected by cerebral palsy spoke
at a meeting I attended. "What you see is a handicapped person," he said. "I am
what I am. But in here," he continued, pointing to his head, "I'm All-Star
second baseman, turning double plays and headed to the Hall of Fame." I was
moved. Grace is not without effect.

From Mikey's Funnys
~ To subscribe, email:
funnies-subscribe@...

Smoke Detector Warning

One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church
in our community.

It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church
and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item
they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.

This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector. He
asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the
smoke detector.

My son immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's cooking dinner."

- from JR Whitby (via Mikey's Funnies)

===
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Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day parable
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subscribe@.... Please leave this attached if you
forward this to friends or post it on the net.
==================

Worth Repeating......

He that lives in hope danceth without music.

- George Herbert

===================


WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN?

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does a loving God allow death,
sickness and other hard things to happen to His people? I have pondered those
questions many times and although I am not eloquent in speech or an astute Bible
student I have settled those questions in my own mind.

The year 1998 is a year that I will never forget! In January my dear Mother lost
her fight with cancer. It was her desire that she die at home and my husband and
I honored that request. She breathed her last one afternoon with us at her side.
She had been sick for about 2 years and in a way it was a relief to us because
she had suffered so long and now she was at rest. But - knowing she was no
longer suffering and that she was in a better place didn't soften our sorrow and
as we picked up the pieces of our lives we often mentioned to each other how
much we missed her.

Then came the very worst day of my life. It was in early December, 1998, in
Ocean Springs, MS. I was awakened in the night by the sound of my beloved
husband's heart attack. He was lying on the floor at the foot of our bed -
breathing his last! This was a man who was - seemingly - in the bloom of health.
He was involved in fulfilling a dream - his dream of running across the United
States - something he had dreamed about for several years, and there he was
lying dead on the floor of our motor home.

Even beginning to explain all the things that went through my mind that early
morning --- I don't have the words to describe, even now over 10 years later. My
life, my other self, the love of my life lay dead at my feet. God where are you?
The blur of the funeral, decisions, where to live, what to do?

God in his mercy helped me through those awful times. My son and daughter came
immediately to assist with decisions that had to be made. I was numb. I couldn't
think or make good decisions. I am thankful for my family and good friends who
helped me through those dark times.

Sadly, I couldn't see any good in my losses. I couldn't see that God in his
mercy let my mother go to sleep so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I still don't
know why He let my beloved and loving husband die at age 67 but I AM thankful
that he didn't live to be an invalid.

Still I struggled, I allowed myself to drift from God - not far - but too far. I
muttered things like "why me?". I didn't get an answer, at least not right away.

Fast forward to Christmas 2000. I had moved to Canada by this time to be near my
daughter. I had been experiencing severe pain in my right hip and was using a
cane to get around. Then one morning I heard a C-R-U-N-C-H and I knew, I just
KNEW my hip had broken. 5 years went by in which I endured 10 surgeries on hip
and thigh. Surgery #5 resulted in a severe Staph infection in my right thigh and
the certainty of losing my leg loomed before me. God in his mercy, didn't let
that happen - surgeries 6,7 and 8 resulted in a thorough cleansing of the
infection and assured that I would not lose my leg.

Praise God for an excellent doctor and for answering my prayers and those of my
friends. As a result of the infection and in the process of the last 2
surgeries, my knee became damaged so that I can no longer walk without a walker
but PRAISE GOD I can get around!

It was near Christmas in 2005. I was sitting in my chair talking to a friend on
the telephone when my daughter and son-in-law came in my home. They both work
and should have been at their jobs so I knew immediately that something had
happened. They came to tell me that my youngest son had died. He had been
bothered with depression and finally the hopelessness of his life overcame him
and he ended his life. What more God? Then I remembered something. God had to
sit on his throne in heaven and watch HIS son die on that awful cross. Jesus who
lived a sinless life died at Calvary so that you and I can have eternal life.
Brothers and sisters - NO ONE knows better than God what it is like to lose a
son.

After awhile, as each affliction occurred, I drew closer to God. Once I cried
out to God, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The answer came back to
me "You have forsaken me". THAT is when I realized that my walk along the
Christian pathway had been only a shadow of what it should have been. Now, each
day I am walking closer to God. Each day I study His word and I invite Him into
my heart and thank Him for my blessings. I can see, hear, use my hands and live
an almost normal life. I have been blessed with loving children and
grandchildren and many friends. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else besides
where I am.

Friends it is OK to be sad for a little while. Remember the shortest verse in
the Bible? "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Yes, it is all right to feel sad but then
remember that Jesus sees our sorrow and He feels sad, too. Never take your eyes
off of Jesus. He is there and He cares.

I have read that when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon it has to struggle and
if someone unwisely 'helps' the butterfly will not be whole. God gives us
struggles so that we can grow to be the people He wants us to be. Everyone's
struggles are different but they are for our good - to make us ready for heaven.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13)

Wynona Gordon
====

This is the last of a 12 part serice on Dealing with Grief from The NUGGET. The
Dealing With Grief devotionals are posted on-line at
www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/dealing_with_grief.htm , or if you do not have
full Internet access, email Lyn at submissions@....

To subscribe go to: http://www.answers2prayer.org/illustrator.html

Or send an email to: add@... and write as subject "subscribe
nugget".  Tell them Sermon Fodder sent you.

Be aware that you will receive a confirmation message. Once you receive it,
please click on the link mentioned in the email.

THE Church ELEVATOR

A large cathedral with several floors to it was having some extensive
renovations done, and the workers had installed a "cage" elevator to facilitate
getting the materials from floor to floor. Now, this is the type of elevator
that will only operate once both gates are closed, for safety.

One day the foreman, Peter, had taken the elevator up to the top floor when
Father Donald, the parish priest, who had his office on the top floor, arrived,
wanting to go up and get some paperwork done. He pressed the call button for the
cage, but nothing happened. Apparently Peter had left one of the cage doors
open.

Thus it was that a bemused group of congregants, leaving a service officiated by
another priest, witnessed Father Donald, his face turned heavenward, shouting
out, "PETER! CLOSE THE GATES!"

[Net 153s Smile A Day; edited by Mark Raymond]
as seen in marksmusings
Subscribe to Mark's Musings at http://mrhumor.net/
====
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
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=================================

Worth Repeating.....

When I cannot enjoy the faith of assurance, I live by the faith
of adherence.

       -- Matthew Henry

From www.heartlight.org
====================================

Are you a POOPED PASTOR?

Then check out www.PoopedPastors.com

There is nothing that even comes close to the grand and glorious privilege of
serving as a shepherd of God's people. Pastors get a
front row seat on God's awesome work in people's lives, an open door into the
hearts of God's people and a taste of reality that nobody else will ever
experience.

At www.poopedpastors.com, we've created a place where you can come and have
fellowship with other pastors…real pastors with "dirt under
their fingernails."

www.poopedpastors.com

===========================

A Simple Life

  "As you probably know the Amish believe in living a simple life
- no electricity, no telephones, no motorized vehicles.
Yet in many of their communities there is a pay phone.
When asked about this apparent discrepancy one elder explained,
'If the telephone were in our home it would control us.
As long as it is out here we control it.' He went on to say,
'Most people drop everything they are doing the instant
the telephone rings and run to answer it.
In their lives the telephone takes precedent over everything.
(Of course cell phones have only made this addiction far worse.)
The pay telephone, on the other hand, is our servant.
It is there if we need it but we do not allow it to intrude into our lives.'"
- Richard Exley Wizard

From Cup O'Cheer Compiled by: Kimberly B. Quiggle
Available Free by E-mail every other day.
To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with
SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the subject line to cheer316@...

Tip

My sister-in-law works as a waitress at an Atlanta restaurant. One day, a large
family came in to eat.

In accordance with the restaurant's policy of serving large parties, the tip was
automatically added to the bill.

After she presented the bill to the father, she heard him bellow, "Gratuity? Who
ordered the gratuity? I told you kids that we weren't going to order any
dessert!"

===
from Totally Off the Record via Doc's Daily Chuckle
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
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======================================

Worth Repeating.....

If we would talk less and pray more about them, things would be
better than they are in the world: at least, we should be better
enabled to bear them.

       -- John Owen

from www.heartlight.org

====================================

TEN OLD WAYS TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW

If you are surfing to TodaysTen.com from another productivity site, you are in
danger of getting stuck in your routine. Its time to try something new! New
experiences will bring new problems and also their solutions. Creative people
use free exchange of ideas to cross link solutions to create new mash ups of
solutions that can solve old problems. That is only one benefit of increasing
your areas of knowledge. So try something new today! When was the last time you
learnt something new?

1. Learn A New Language
This is a pretty hard thing to do, but the benefits will pay off. Learning a new
language opens an entire foreign culture to your perspective. Every culture has
a different way of solving problems and interacting. For now, the best languages
to learn will be Spanish and Chinese because of the sheer amount of people you
will be able to communicate with. Lucky for me, I have only Spanish left to
tackle.

2. Talk To Someone You Are Unfamiliar With
Another usually hard thing to do. Most of our social circles are limited to
people within our same age range or have similar interests. Interacting with
these people will not bring you new experiences and opportunities. There are
reasons why networking sessions are so strongly recommended. They bring diverse
people together who are interested in meeting more people. Each participant gets
multiple opportunities to learn something new, either from the speaker or their
peers. If you are less inclined in meeting people, try surfing to some internet
forums you have never been to before.

3. Surf to an unknown Website
Alexa http://www.alexa.com/site/ds/top_sites?ts_mode=global&lang=none provides a
list of the top 500 sites in terms of traffic numbers. Choose one that you have
never heard of before and dive in. Multiple top sites are in Chinese which is
another great reason to get familiarized with the Chinese language

4. Read a best selling book you have no interest in
The fact that it is a bestseller means that at least the quality is assured.
Looking at Amazon's top seller list http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/books?
, I realized that many of the books are in the self improvement category. Try to
not select these although you will be interested in them.

5. Take a walk
In the absence of the danger of physical harm, try to take a walk around your
neighbor hood. You might just discover something interesting that you have
missed because you were driving too fast down the road. You might also
rediscover neighbors whom who you forgotten exist!

6. Go to a class
Sign up for a class. Dance classes, hobby related classes seem very popular to
people who have a bit more time. They might have something of interest to you
too. There are numerous places online to learn something new. One class I am
attending now is the Adobe Photoshop CS2: introduction by HP.
http://h30187.www3.hp.com/courses/overview.jsp?courseId=4589 It is completely
online and free too!

7. Get a hobby
Another great way to try something new. Some people also manage to successfully
turn their hobby into part time businesses.

8. Listen to a random radio station
Visit podcast alley http://www.podcastalley.com/top_podcasts.php?num=50 to see
what the popular podcast are. Download one and starting listening to it on your
compute now!

9. Read every article in your newspaper
Have you been guilty of scanning article titles and only reading the ones you
have interest in? You paid the full price for the newspaper so make full use of
it. Read every article. It might take you an entire hour by the price is well
spent. Newspaper articles are usually well researched and have quality writing
in them. That's something you won't find online consistently.

10. Come back to TodaysTen.com everyday
Yes, it's a shameless plug. But I believe that your areas of experience will
increase with our Daily Top Ten articles. To see the reason why Top Ten articles
are so powerful, read my post on Why you need TodaysTen.com
http://www.todaysten.com/2007/02/why-you-need-daily-top-ten.html

  From Cup O'Cheer Compiled by: Kimberly B. Quiggle Available Free by E-mail
every other day. To SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the
subject line to cheer316@...

Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my
first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said
not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me
into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice
stated, "Lost satellite contact."

I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said,
"Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you."
==
From Clean Laughs..
To SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-jokes.html
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to
ajokeaday7-subscribe@.... Please leave this attached if you
forward this to friends or post on the net.

======================================

Worth Repeating.....

Who needs fathers? We all do. We especially need our Father in
heaven, who forgives our parenting inadequacies for Jesus' sake
and who enables us each day with a fresh start. Just as the
loving father in Luke's gospel welcomed home his lost son, our
Father will one day welcome us into heaven together with all
others who love and trust in Jesus.

       -- Dr. Rodney Rathmann

=====================================

  A RADIANT GLOW
by Janet Perez Eckles


       At 13 years of age, my parents and I visited an ophthalmologist.

       As I sat in the examining chair, my face firmly on the chin rest and
pupils dilated, the doctor looked into my eyes, shining a bright light.

       "She did inherit it," he said with coldness.  "You need to be prepared. 
There is no cure for this retinal disease."

       My father carried the Retinitis Pigmentosa gene causing a deterioration of
the retina which, in most cases, results in blindness.  Although my brother's
retinas seemed to be fine, I'd inherited the gene.

       Fifteen years after my initial diagnosis, my father began to lose his
eyesight and so did I.  He was 55 years old, but I was only 28.  In a matter of
two years, we had both lost our sight completely.

       I focused on the effects of my own darkness.  My world crumbled as the
black curtain fell, destroying the dreams my husband and I had for us and for
our three little boys.  But when I turned to God for hope and strength, He
responded by opening my eyes to a new revelation.

       My father had given me not just the RP gene, but the example of
determination and tenacity as well.

       We were all living in Bolivia in 1964 when he defied the family's
opposition to move to America.  He and mom worked tirelessly to satisfy the
requirements imposed by the U.S. Immigration Department to enter the country and
establish residency.

       Once in the states, he overcame humiliation, intense loneliness,
helplessness and uncertainty.  He endured ridicule due to his lack of fluency in
English, but he pressed on.  And he managed to gather enough money for the
basics -- rent a small apartment, buy modest furniture from thrift stores and
put a down payment on a car.  Nine months later, he sent airline tickets for my
mom, my brother and me.

       Decades later, as an American citizen, I look back at what he'd shown me. 
He taught me the determination to move forward when facing adversity.  He set an
example proving that humility is crucial to success.  He demonstrated the
commitment to family and the importance of setting priorities.

       His journey taught me valuable lessons for my own path in the darkness. 
Much like a baby takes its first steps holding tight to his father's hand, my
dad held onto God as he stepped from the comfort of our hometown in Bolivia to
the unknown in a foreign land.

       I did the same as I stepped into the unfamiliarity of a sightless world. 
Holding onto God's hand, I gained confidence and learned the language of
gratitude.  With profound appreciation for my father's example, I learned how he
had applied a powerful blend of faith and tenacity -- the same blend I used to
fulfill my own role as a wife, mom, Sunday school teacher, Spanish court
interpreter, inspirational speaker and writer.

       What I inherited from my father helped me to see my life with a more
radiant and meaningful glow.


  -- Janet Perez Eckles   <Jeckles at cfl.rr.com>
______________________________________________

Janet is an inspirational national speaker, freelance writer, and contributor to
seven books including Chicken Soup for the Soul.  She has authored "Trials of
Today, Treasures for Tomorrow: Overcoming adversities in Life."  She imparts
insights, inspiration and messages to uplift the soul at: 
http://www.janetperezeckles.com

  as seen in Heartwarmers To JOIN (it's free!), send an email to:
join@...

Church Recycling?

Trying to do my share to help the environment, I set up a trash basket at my
church and posted above it this suggestion:

"Empty water bottles here."

I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it
later, I didn't find any bottles in it. But it was full of water.

- from Mahmood Jawaid (via Reader's Digest) via Doc's Daily Chuckle.  to
subscribe go to http://family-safe-mail.com/magiclist/
====
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to
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forward this to friends or post on the net.

======================================

Worth Repeating.....


The only time we should look back to yesterday is to look

at the positive things that were accomplished to encourage

us to do better things today and tomorrow. - Stevie Wonder

=======================================

Personal NOTE

I have for many years been a great fan of Steve Brown who does some great Bible
teaching through the Key Life Network(www.keylife.org).  He has a web site for
pooped pastors appropriately named poopedpastors.com.  For any of you who are in
ministry and sometimes get discouraged (which is just about all of us at one
time or another) I highly recommend this web site.  Read on below for a note
from Steve about www.poopedpastors.com and what you can expect to find there. 
The founding purpose of The Sermon Fodder List (www.sermonfodder.com) is almost
identical to poopedpastors.com.

Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

=========================================

Welcome to PoopedPastors.com

I'm no longer a pastor but I haven't been away from it for so long that I've
forgotten…

The discouragement,
The battles that I sometimes won and sometimes lost,
The hypocrisy I often felt in thinking that my being a pastor was insane,
The times when I didn't know what I was doing and pretended that I did,
The criticism that often came from those who I thought were friends,
The 24/7 schedule with work that was never done,
The people who left my church because they "weren't being fed,"
The blank page late Saturday night and my reminding God about the sermon,
The incredible guilt over my family and my ministry,
The loneliness,
The fear of discovery,
The neurotics who hated me,
The congregational meetings when I was sure it was coming apart,
The hard road of authenticity when everything I did worked against it,
The efforts at humility when people thought more of me than was justified,
The questions about whether I and what I did even mattered…
Well, you know. It goes on and on.

I try to tell my students about what being a pastor is really like but they
don't believe me until they get there. Then they "rise up and call me blessed"
for having warned them.

But I also try to communicate to the students the incredible gift God gives when
he calls us into ministry. There is nothing that even comes close to the grand
and glorious privilege of serving as a shepherd of God's people. Pastors get a
front row seat on God's awesome work in people's lives, an open door into the
hearts of God's people and a taste of reality that nobody else will ever
experience.

I can't tell you the irritation I felt when someone would tell me that I didn't
live in the real world. I wanted to say (and often did), "You don't know
anything about the real world, you twit! I see more of the real world in a day
than you'll see in a lifetime. I've cleaned up after more suicides, stood beside
more deathbeds, buried more babies, listened to more confessions, bound up more
broken hearts, shared more secrets, and experienced more pain than you'll ever
know. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

When I left the pastorate, one of the things I missed most was the fellowship I
had with other pastors…real pastors with "dirt under their fingernails." It is a
bond that few experience. It is a bond of soldiers who share war stories and
laugh at the jokes nobody gets except those who have been there and done that.

That's one of the reasons we created PoopedPastors.com. It's for me.

But it's for you too!

When I was a pastor there were very few "safe places." There were those who
wanted to help me build a mega-church, double the giving, increase the vision,
make me effective, etc., etc., But most of them had their own agendas and were
often more interested in their agendas than in mine.

So we decided to do something different. We decided to create a "safe place" for
pastors and pastors only. This website is all about you. It's a place where you
can come and have fellowship with other pastors…real pastors with "dirt under
their fingernails." We don't have an agenda except your agenda and a desire to
come alongside and "hold up your arms." We're not trying to get something out of
you, to get you to sign anything or to solicit funds. We honestly want to give
you a gift.

I'm cool with a "purpose driven" life, church and ministry…but this isn't that.

This website will grow and develop as we listen to you…not the "experts" who
know what's best for you. It is my prayer that you will come here often and
that, when you do, you'll notice the smell of Jesus.

In His Grip,
Steve Brown
www.poopedpastors.com

First Time Prayer

A man came to church for the very first time in his life.  He heard a sermon
that really tugged at his heart strings and felt the need to answer the
invitation to become a Christian.  When he shared his story about never having
attended church the preacher thought surely the new convert was someone special.
The preacher urged the man to come back that night to take part in the evening
service.

When the man arrived the preacher told the man he needed him to perform a
special task.  The pastor wanted him to say the benediction at the end of the
service.  The new convert protested and said, "Pastor, I've never been to church
in my life.  How am I supposed to know how to pray in public in only the second
church service I've ever attended.

The preacher said, "That's OK.  I have a plan.  I've written you a prayer you
can read. Just sit back here on the back row next to the coat rack.  Place this
prayer I've written in your hat.  As the service is closing out, just reach back
here behind you, pick up your hat and read the prayer."

The new Christian reluctantly agreed to the plan.  At the end of the service the
preached called the man by name and asked him to offer the closing prayer. On
cue, the man reached to the hat rack behind him, and picked up a hat.   As
planned he started the prayer.  In a loud voice he said, "DEAR GOD... this is
NOT my hat...."

==
As told by John Conn of Henderson, Kentucky
==
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======================================

Worth Repeating.....

Decisions which are made in the light of God's |Word are stable
and show wisdom.

       -- Vonette Z. Bright

=======================================

What Do You See?

THREE PEOPLE WERE visiting the Grand Canyon -- a painter, a preacher, and a
cowboy...

Looking over the massive canyon, each one verbalized his observation:

"Incredible!" the painter said.  "I'd love to paint a picture of this!"

The preacher waved his arms and cried, "Glory!  Look what God has done!"

The cowboy exclaimed, "I'd sure hate to lose a cow down there!"

THOUGHT: What do you see when you look at your situation?  An illustration of
God's handiwork, or just someplace to lose a cow?  (Stan Towler)


Bible reading for 05.22.09: John 7:28-53; 1 Chronicles 16-18


From KneeMail
Mike Benson, Editor
To subscribe, send ANY message to: kneemail-subscribe@...
  or find archives, go to: http://www.forthright.net/kneemail/

The Perfect Dress

I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a
woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the
clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on
her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she
could get for her.

"I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered.
"I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me
look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger."

From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make
that two."

===
From Clean Laughs. To SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-jokes.html
===
From Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor
and a modern-day parable drop a note to
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forward this to friends or post on the net.
=========================================


About Cussing

By Mike Benson at KneeMail

OFTENTIMES WE ASSOCIATE late-night TV shows, such as the Tonight Show, with
celebrities.  However, on January 21, 2009, Jay Leno interviewed an unusual
guest: 15-year-old McKay Hatch.  In 2007, Hatch founded his first No Cussing
Club at his junior high school in South Pasadena, California.

According to McKay's website, www.nocussing.com, the teen was dismayed at the
language many of the children at his school, including some of his friends, were
using.  Rather than just put up with it, as so many of us are prone to do, he
decided to do something about it.  He mentioned it to his friends and actually
challenged them to stop cussing.

He says his friends were shocked; most of them didn't even realize they were
using offensive language, and certainly had no idea it was bothersome to Hatch. 
Surprisingly, and very pleasantly so, they accepted his challenge to stop
swearing, and thus was born the first No Cussing Club.  The word spread and
after one month the club had 50 members.  When McKay got into high school, he
founded a similar club, and had over 100 students join immediately.  The word
has further spread until today there are over 20,000 members in 25 countries.

Club members take the "No Cussing Challenge," committing to use better language.
However, this is not just a "negative" challenge., to not use bad language, but
a "positive" challenge as well, to use "polite, respectful, and kind language."

Further, the club's motto is, "Leave people better than you found them."  This
concept has impacted not only the recipients of the kind language, but the
speakers as well: McKay relates that many club members have noticed a change in
their own lives from using positive language.  And the concept has progressed to
the club members "looking for opportunities everyday to help people and lift
them up through their words and actions."  (Liana Stanley)

KneEmail:  "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a
word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may
give grace to those who hear."  Ephesians 4:29

Bible reading for 05.15.09: John 4:31-54; 2 Kings 22, 23
From Kneemail.  Mike Benson

To SUBSCRIBE or find archives, go to: http://www.forthright.net/kneemail/ or
drop a note to mbensonkw@... and put "Subscribe" in the subject line.
==================

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY
Murphy's Law ADDENDUM

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and
you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of
your act.

Law of Random Numbers
I f you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always
answers

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the
very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move
faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are
with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of The Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver 's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you
get there you'll feel better.  Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

From (I Think) My pal Doug Viar.
=============
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Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
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Worth Repeating.....

If a man is not made for God, why is he happy only in God?

       -- Blaise Pascal

==========================================

What Do Answers Look Like?

Philippians 4:19 You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need,
his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. (MSG)
  What Do Answers Look Like?

Every year, we stay with some of our grandchildren while the parents go on a
vacation.

Last year, one little grandson prayed every night that a certain toy would be in
the store. He longed for this toy; he dreamed about this toy; it was high on his
"want" list. He had received permission from his parents, before they left, to
buy it. Towards the end of the week, we went shopping, but the desired toy was
not there. He kept praying, bless his little heart. The faith of a child!

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - Never stop praying. (GWT)

A couple of days later, we went to the store once again. He was anticipating
seeing the toy and buying it with his own hard-earned money. How disappointed he
was, when once again, it wasn't there!

That night, as I tucked him into bed, we talked about how he had prayed every
night that the toy would be available, and yet, it wasn't there. It seemed that
God hadn't answered his prayer.

With disappointment written all over his face that night, I asked our grandson
if God had answered his prayer. He immediately said, "No!" I suggested to him
that God did answer, but the answer wasn't "Yes"; it was "No", or possibly "No,
wait a while". His face just lit up. I knew he understood.

What a valuable lesson this is to learn while we are young. Often, we expect God
to grant us every request we send His way. And yet, He knows it might not be
good for us, or the timing isn't quite right. We don't see anything beyond
today, but God sees the whole picture, and isn't that a good thing?

Let's learn the lessons here. Let's pray without ceasing. Let's trust God with
the answers He gives us. Let's trust that He knows what is best for us. Let's
trust that God will give us all of our needs!

Prayer: Lord Jesus, what an impatient people we are! We want instant
gratification in all areas of our lives. Forgive us when we don't trust You.
Forgive us when we are angry that You haven't met our expectations. Forgive us
for trying to put You in the box that we want You to fit in. Thank You for
withholding the things that aren't for our good. Help us to trust You during
those times. Amen.

By Judy Miller gjmiller@...
Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

From Sermon Illustrator. To join Sermon ILLUSTRATOR please send an email to: 
add@...
and write as subject "subscribe".

NOT ENOUGH CASHIERS

Here are the reasons I'd Like to thank Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and my local grocer for
having 25 checkout lanes and only three open at any given time....

Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle
--there's so much to learn!

I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.

I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the 13 things on my
list I forgot.

I can be one of those annoying cell phone users and catch up on all my phone
calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law, and Auntie Anne.

I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive home.

I can assess what other people have in their carts and get exciting new dinner
ideas.

I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty of drying time.

I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.

I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the
we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my purse.

I can practice my standup comedy routines on unsuspecting fellow customers.

I can practice some standing yoga poses and then do those isometric
muscle-contracting exercises no one else in line is Supposed to know you're
doing.

I can taste test my package of the newest low-carb, zero-transfat,
Splenda-saturated cookies.

I can breathe heavily on my T-bones so they're defrosted in time for dinner and
I won't have to leave them out on the driveway in the hot late afternoon sun as
I normally do.

==
As seen in Da Mouse Tracks via Cup O'Cheer Compiled by: Kimberly B. Quiggle.  To
SUBSCRIBE: Send an e-mail with SUBSCRIBE CUP O'CHEER in the subject line to
cheer316@...
===
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Worth Repeating.....

A sense of humor cushions the potholes on the road of life.

  -Frank Tyger

=====================


National Day of Prayer 2009

The 58th Annual National Day of Prayer will take place Thursday, May 7, 2009.
Millions will unite in prayer as thousands of events will take place from coast
to coast.

The theme for this year is "Prayer... America's Hope" and is based on the verse
from Psalm 33:22 which states: "May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you."

Beth Moore will join Shirley Dobson to lead the nation in prayer as the 2009
Honorary Chairman of the National Day of Prayer Task Force.

You can check for a National Day of Prayer event nearest you by going to
http://www.ndptf.org/home/home.html and clicking on the map.

If you are unable to attend an official event, take a few moments to pray for
our country and our leaders.

Here are just a few ways you can enjoy some of the many celebrations on May 7th,
the National Day of Prayer:

Begin your morning in prayer - Prayer for Our Nation by Beth Moore

Watch the LIVE Webcast or Televised Program of the

National Observance in Washington D.C. (9:00 a.m. - 12:00 noon EST)

Join some of the NDP staff on the LIVE Prayer Chatroom on OurPrayer.org (12:00
noon - 12:30 p.m. CST)

Attend a local event - many events occur over the lunch hour

Join the Greater Calling - Prayer Rally by Telephone

Participate in the Online Prayer Rally on Tangle.com

Watch the LIVE Webcast of NDP Los Angeles from Hollywood, CA (7:30 - 9:30 p.m.
PST)

Celebrate America's 58th annual National Day of Prayer from our nation's
capitol.

The National Observance will take place, Thursday, May 7th, in Washington D.C.
from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 noon and will be broadcast LIVE via webcast and through
GOD TV, channel 365 on Direct TV and channel 138 on Sky Angel. The webcast will
be accessible through Tangle and NDP.

Speakers will include Beth Moore and Dr. James and Shirley Dobson

Media Contact Info
Media: media@...

Angel Miss Queue?

My first grade daughter, Jenny, loves to sing. One day as I drove her to school,
we were "accompanying" Michael W. Smith on his song, "Angels Unaware." When we
got to the line, "Maybe we are entertaining angels unaware," I heard her version
loud and clear: "Maybe we are irritating angels unaware." I couldn't have said
it better myself.
===
From http://www.jesuseveryday.com/jokeoftheday1.htm
===
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Worth Repeating.....

"Religion is hanging around the cross, Christianity is hanging on the cross."

       — Stephen Hill

From www.heartlight.org

=======================================

Pastoral Search Committees

Is there a ring? You can tell me. I won't tell anyone. Is there some sort of
signet ring you get when you become a member of the pastoral search committee?
Some crest you dip in wax and use to seal official-looking parchments?

Is there a secret room under the church where you hold meetings? I guess it
would be more of a lair than a room. Rooms are for things like Vacation Bible
School meetings. You're plotting the future of the church. You're more powerful
than the deacons and the elders and maybe even the church secretary. So I'm
hoping you have at least a lair.

The entrance to the secret room better be extraordinary. Like that waterslide in
the movie Goonies or a fire pole or something. If you're just entering the same
doors at church that I use, I'm going to be pretty disappointed.

When I was a mailman–a sentence I like to throw out casually as if that whole
experience was normal–the Postal Police had separate entrances to the post
office. They'd walk around in covered catwalks in the ceiling, watching us all
sort mail, making sure we didn't pocket the birthday cash Grandma sent little
Billy. Are you in the ceiling, too?

Do you have tunnels high above the crowd where you sit when the pastoral
candidates deliver that awkward make it or break it sermon audition? If you
don't have secret tunnels, do you wear disguises in church? Eye patches or fake
beards or maybe a chicken costume?

Do you each have a spiritual weapon that you're proficient in? I mean every
great team of spies or adventurers doesn't need two guys who are great at the
same thing. There's always one guy who can break into anything, one guy who's
the muscle, one guy who's the charmer and one guy who's the mastermind. (I think
I just described the A-Team.) Is that what you're like? One of you is great at
prayer, another at discernment, and another at intercession?

Do you ever get together and solve church-related crimes when you're not
searching for a pastor? I mean, what do you do if you've had a great pastor for
the last 10 years? Don't you get the "search" itch? Don't you want to go find
something or someone? Do you ever get the old gang together and look for missing
dogs? I mean nice dogs, fancy dogs, don't misunderstand me. I don't think you're
out looking for strays. I'm talking about designer breeds like the Labradoodle.
Do you guys ever look for Labradoodles when there's no need to find a pastor?

You can tell me. I won't tell anyone.

Posted by Prodigal Jon (theacuffs@...)


From http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/

An Obituary For Someone Else

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most
valued members, Someone Else.

Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else has
been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far
more than a normal person's share of the work. Whenever there was a job to do, a
class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone's list, "Let
Someone Else do it." Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person
was looked to for inspiration as well as results; "Someone Else can work with
that group."

It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in
our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone
Else would make up the difference.

Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the
truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else. Now Someone Else is
gone! We wonder what we are going to do.

Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it?
Who is going to do the things Someone Else did?

When you are asked to help this year, remember -- we can't depend on Someone
Else anymore.

===
With help from http://jokes.christiansunite.com
====
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========================================


"The One whose throne is in heaven sits laughing. . . ." (Psalms 2:4)


===========================================

Apology

This is our first post during April.  Our last post was the last day of March,
thus the apology.

I shared awhile back that I'm caught up in efforts to clear debris from the
Great Ice Storm of 2009 here in Western Kentucky. So far, the 23 counties I
cover have picked up about 7 million cubic yards of downed limbs and trees from
along our roadways and we still have at least a couple of months of work to go. 
Our FEMA people tell us we have more tree damage than they saw from Hurricane
Katrina.

We've had hundreds of crews working 12 hours a day, seven days a week, since
January 27th.  We did take Easter Weekend off.  A few weekends ago I had worked
13 hours straight without even a lunch break.  As I was heading home totaly
fatigued, I kept thinking something wasn't quite right.  About five miles later
I realized I was still driving my company car.  I turned around and headed back
to the office to pick up my personal vehicle for the trip home.

The following week I shared that story with some of the guys at the debris drop
site where I've been assigned on weekends. When I talked about being fatigued,
one of the guys said, "That's nothing.  When we got off work one day last week
we were talking about being dead dog tired.  As we turned in our gear at the
shop to head home, one of the guys very calmly walked across the parking lot and
got back into his dump truck and starting driving home.  He was about two miles
down the road from the shop before he realized he was in his dump truck instead
of his personal car."   Man, that's tired.

I hope to get back on track to do at least one Sermon Fodder post a week.

Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

===================================

I've Become the Other Woman
by Sarah Stirman

"This is how we know what love is ..."
I have frequently requested a weather forecast for my church. Not for the town
the church is in — for the auditorium. I have suggested a running scroll on the
website: "Current temp in the auditorium is 58° and breezy. Dress accordingly."
or "High of 84° in the auditorium today." I have yet to be heeded.

Recently it was 58° and breezy. On Easter Sunday. The children were precious in
their Easter finery and blue lips. My daughter, Ashley, and I were in
"spring-ish" type clothes, but not sleeveless. When I sat down, I got quite cool
quickly.

I was sitting next to my husband, Troy, while Ashley was on the other side of
him. He finally put his arm around her trying to warm her up a little. I sure
would have liked that warm arm around me, but I made do tucking as much of
myself under the other arm at his side trying to warm up. Eventually, he leaned
forward to remove his jacket. "Good plan," I thought, "Leave your arm around
Ashley, and give me the jacket — or vice-versa, whatever. I'm good." Oh, no. He
handed Ashley the jacket so he could have both of his arms back.

Let me be honest — I sat there shivering. And beaming. It pleased me to sit by
while Troy took care of his girl the way she needs to be taken care of. I want
my daughter to know her daddy is crazy about her. As she seeks out a husband, I
want her to know how she should be treated, and know what it's like to be the
apple of a man's eye.

Having a loving parent helps a child understand the love of God — well, as much
as we can understand it on this planet. Having loving parents helped me start to
get an idea about the unconditional love of God. I want Ashley to know that as
crazy as we both are about her, it's just a tiny drop compared to the abundant,
never-ending, perfect love of her heavenly Father.

I spend plenty of time shivering for her while watching tennis, I don't mind a
little more shivering while her daddy takes care of her. It's why I picked him.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one
has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is
made complete in us (1 John 4:11-12 TNIV).
I don't mind a little more shivering while her daddy takes care of her.
-------
Sarah is part of The Coffee Group, a varied group of women who express their
love, faith, and praise for God with ladies they love. They do ladies' retreats
and special speaking on God's work in their lives, as well as the importance of
sharing your faith story.

More of Sarah's work can be found on her blog,
http://www.sarahstirman.blogspot.com.

Check out "The Coffee Group" website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

From www.heartlight.org

Reasons churches don't ask clown ministries to return:

10.Pesky escaped balloons stuck to the Sanctuary ceiling for weeks after they've
gone.

9.That cream pie in the music ministers face wasn't accepted in the fun spirit
in which is was offered.

8. They force people to smile during the 8 a.m. service.

7. It's hard to say with dignity, "The sermon today will be given by Brother
Umpa-Doody."

6. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under pew cushions.

5. Sermons take a lot longer when they are presented in pantomime.

4. Many denominations do not recognize seltzer water baptism.

3. Those bottomless trick glasses the clowns snuck in during the communion
service.

2. Church Janitors charge extra to get all of the silly string off the Sanctuary
ceiling.

And the number one reason Churches don't invited Clown Ministries to
return......

1. The kids popping their balloon animals during the closing prayer.

==
With help from http://jokes.christiansunite.com
====
From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe drop an
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"The One whose throne is in heaven sits laughing. . . ." (Psalms 2:4)


===========================================


Compliment Guys
by Patrick D. Odum


They were tired of it. Tired of people being grumpy, depressed, and worried.
Tired of always worrying about the current economic climate. So Cameron Brown
and Brett Westcott decided to do something to bring a little light and joy to
their corner of the world — which happens to be Purdue University.

They became The Compliment Guys.

That's what everyone calls them, anyway. Every Wednesday afternoon from 12:30 to
2:30, Cameron and Brett set up their "Free Compliments" sign near a main walkway
outside the chemistry building. Rain, snow, sleet, cold — whatever the weather,
The Compliment Guys are "In."

For those two hours on Wednesday, they live up to their name. Every person who
walks by gets a compliment. To a guy in Purdue sweats they say, "Love your
school spirit." To a woman carrying a trendy black bag: "Very nice purse." "It's
very large." To the student who ran past them in knee-high leather boots: "I
like your hustle." "I like your boots, too."

The guys try to be very personal and specific in their compliments, too. "I like
your red coat," Westcott says to a woman listening to her iPod. She turned and
laughed, which prompted Brown to say, "Very nice smile." Three women leaving
biology lab purposely walked by them. "I like your curly hair. Great smile. I
like your glasses," the guys said, pointing to each of the women. One Wednesday,
they told a professor to enjoy his coffee, thanked the groundskeepers for their
hard work and encouraged someone eating an apple to "stay nutritious."

While most people react positively, the guys sometimes get ignored, or get nasty
looks, or the occasional obscene gesture. They get accused of being there only
to pick up girls. (They both have girlfriends.)

Some think it's a psychology experiment. But Brett Westcott says their reasons
for being The Compliment Guys are pretty straightforward, if not too
sophisticated: "Just overall, making people's day is really satisfying. Not
enough people do nice things anymore."

I don't know about you, but I think The Compliment Guys might be on to
something.

We're a culture that doesn't take seriously the power of words. Strange, when
you think about how many words we speak, process, e-mail, and text every day.
Everywhere we look, there are words: on signs, on screens, on forms and
petitions, in documents and books, on labels and menus, billboards and bumper
stickers. Everywhere we go, people are speaking: cell phones clamped to ears as
they walk, Bluetooths (Blueteeth?) clipped to ears while they drive, in meetings
and at coffee shops, in schools and churches and offices and bars and
restaurants, over dinner with family and over conference calls with the home
office. So many words.

So little thought.

How else to explain the careless ways that husbands and wives, parents and
children, students and teachers, friends, colleagues, and fellow church members
speak to each other? How else to explain the torrents of profanity yelled out of
car windows when a driver feels cheated out of a spot in traffic that he thinks
should have been his? How else to explain how we trivialize things like sex or
family or even God with too many meaningless, thoughtless, graceless words? How
else to explain all the ways in which we use words to hurt, manipulate,
belittle, and control?

We can try to do better at least, can't we?
So many words. So little thought.

No wonder members of some religious orders take vows of silence. When you
discipline yourself not to speak at all, you gain a better understanding of the
value of words, in much the same way as a person who's fasting understands the
value of food. Maybe we Christians should give more thought to the vow of
silence. I can certainly think of situations that would have worked out much
better if I had taken one.

Or maybe better, let's discipline ourselves to use words more carefully. That's
where I think The Compliment Guys have it right. They're making a choice to use
words to "make peoples' day." They're disciplining themselves, at least for two
hours on Wednesday afternoons, to speak in ways that are positive, affirming,
and encouraging. I suspect, too, that those two hours on Wednesday carry over,
at least to some extent, in the ways that they speak when they're "off duty."
"If you speak," wrote Peter, "you should do so as one who speaks the very words
of God." I love that it's Peter, of all people, who wrote that. Peter, the guy
who was so well-acquainted with the taste of foot. The guy who swore he'd never
desert Jesus, and then swore just as vehemently that he didn't know him. He
learned, somewhere along the line, and by the time he was an elder statesman of
the church he had learned how much words mattered. He had begun to regard words,
and the opportunity to use them, as gifts from God. He understood that the
faithful words of God's people are one of the many ways in which God's grace
takes form in this world. So he wanted the church to take words seriously. He
charged them to give careful thought to what they said, to consider whether or
not the words coming from their mouths or pens were suitable vehicles for the
grace of God to travel in. "If you say something, make sure it's something that
wouldn't seem out of place coming from the mouth of God himself."

Well, we can try to do better at least, can't we? It might not work for you to
set up your own "Free Compliment" stand at your own work or school. But then,
there are other ways to bless people with your words than firing compliments at
them as they walk by. We can speak encouraging words to someone who's having a
bad day. We can be gentle and careful when we have to reprimand a child or an
employee. We can remember to say "I love you" more often, and "Your problem is
..." less. We can speak truth, lovingly, to people who are spiraling out of
control. We can tell the story of Jesus a little more often. We can add to and
listen to slanderous, gossip-filled stories a lot less. We can choose to use
words to defuse anger instead of adding to it. We can be quiet and give others a
chance to speak, when that's what God is calling us to. And we can choose to use
words to bless others, instead of gratifying ourselves or getting what we want.

Give it a try. You'll get the hang of it.

Hey — good job reading this.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as
faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If you speak, you should
do so as one who speaks the very words of God (1 Peter 4:10-11).

From www.heartlight.org

Birthday & Anniversary Reminder

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends'
and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to
compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted
on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number
of computer stores to find a software program that would do
the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found
one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays
and anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.

==
From Clean Laughs
=======

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Worth Repeating.....

"This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but
know what to do with it." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and
lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and
lodging. --Ambrose Bierce

================================

Personal NOTE

Things have been pretty crazy here, so I'm still behind on my Sermon Fodder
Postings.  I promised to share some of my adventures during the Great Ice Storm
of 2009 here in Kentucky.  You'll find them bleow.

Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

====================================

Profound Things

As someone who has essentially made a living as a professional writer, profound
is not a word I would use lightly.  However, that's the word I keep coming back
to when I reflect on my small part in what some folks in Kentucky and five other
states are calling "The Great Ice Storm of 2009."  Over a day and a half we were
hit by about an inch of ice, mainly in the form of freezing rain.  We added up
to an inch of sleet and a couple of inches of snow over the next day or two.

In the early days of the storm I was assigned to work as Public Information
Officer with the Region One Emergency Operations Center.  There is nothing more
profound that being in room where emergency managers are trying to provide food
to people who need food, water to people who need water, and shelter to people
who need shelter.

I developed a great admiration for the work of our emergency management staff
and our National Guard people. I came to consider serving with them and watching
them go about their work a high honor that was all at once maddening, rewarding,
exhausting, exhilarating, encouraging, and touching.

Their hard work responding to downed power lines, blocked roads, and other
issues generated some humorous moments.

We sent 3,000 "micro-wavable" macaroni and cheese meals to a town where the
nearest electricity was 50 miles away.  We later found that the fine print on
the packaging indicated the meals could be heated by dropping them into boiling
water.  The National Guard people couldn't understand the problem, insisting
that (if you were hungry enough) they were pretty tasty right out of the package
cold.

I had access to a Satellite Phone and was able to call my son in New York to
tell him we were OK, but I couldn't call my daughter and her family who were
maybe 15 miles always.  My son eventually contacted them and was able to relay
messages and provide assurance that everyone was fine.

They guy next to me in the EOC was ordering bottled water by the tractor-trailer
truckload for distribution to 19 counties.  At one point I joked that it was odd
we didn't have a single bottle of water in the building.  He agreed that was
pretty amusing.  When I returned from a lunch break the next day there were
three cases of bottled water next to my chair.

We had a report that we had what was possibly a flu outbreak at a shelter
housing about 500 people.  The initial report was not good.  Our medical staff
rushed down there to find it was 3 guys and a girl having meth withdrawals.  The
police carted them off to jail.

In the final hours before the storm hit, a couple of the emergency management
people realized we'd need some food for the initial hours of what could be a
long power outage.  They ran across the street to find shelves at the nearby Wal
Mart pretty much emptied.  About the only thing left in the chip section were
two bags of lime flavored nacho chips, so they picked them up.  Nobody seemed to
want to try them until about the third day when we ran out of Fritos I brought
for everyone to snack on.  Finally, the lime nachos were opened and passed
around.  They were something akin to having a whole lime explode in your mouth. 
They were amazingly tasty and a pretty good substitute for a cup of military
coffee.  That evening, the National Guard got their kitchen up and running, so
we had pretty good food after that.

Early reports indicated that our hometown was among the hardest hit areas and
would be without power for four to six weeks.  We were fortunate to have gas
logs in our fireplace, so at least we had heat.  We camp a lot, so we
essentially set up camp in the living room.  Beth is a pretty solid gal, but
when she called me in tears after a week without electricity I realized it was
time to get a generator.  We had managed to borrow one for a few hours a couple
of times during the first week to recharge our freezer, but she was tired of
being in the dark.  She also surprised me by telling me it had been a week since
I'd been home.  I was so absorbed in my work in the EOC it did not occur to me
that I had only seen her for a few minutes at lunch one day when I ran home to
take a shower and eat lunch.

During the power outage our only source of news was an AM radio station in
Paducah.  Most of the others were off the air.  Our only problem from an
information standpoint was people calling in to talk about all the rumors that
were floating around about what FEMA would do for everyone.  Most were simply
not true.

When Beth was shopping for a generator she stopped and talked to a guy selling
them along the roadside.  He told her she should buy the biggest one she could
get because FEMA would reimburse her for the cost.  She correctly called me and
I told her that wasn't so.  We waited a day or two until Lowe's restocked and
bought one there.

In the middle of all the mess, our local Scout Troop 30 went out delivering FEMA
meals to families.  They stopped at the home of an older couple to drop some
food.  When the woman came to the door she seemed disoriented.  Our Scouts
realized the couple had their generator close to the door and carbon monoxide
was getting into the house.  Our guys correctly called an Ambulance to check
them out and probably saved their lives.

Here in Western Kentucky, we're still dealing with the aftermath of millions of
downed trees and limbs across 93 of Kentucky's 120 counties.  Almost two months
after the fact, our Kentucky highway crews and debris removal contractors in the
23 counties in my area of responsibility have just topped 3 million cubic yards
of material collected.  To provide perspective, that's more than 1.3 million
pickup truck loads or almost 47,000 tractor-trailer truckloads of material. 
That's just what we're picking up along highways.

In some cases the inch or more of ice that fell January 26 and 27 put whole
trees on the ground, destroying what took a hundred years or more to grow.  A
few nights ago Beth and I took my Mom to the top of Wilson Hill, which overlooks
our small town of 5,000.  With so many trees and limbs gone, the lights of
Marion spread out below looked like a much larger city.  The view rivaled the
lights of Los Angeles when we were there back in September.

We expect it to take until around Memorial Day to clear debris off our highway
right of way.  I'm taking my car to a body shop this week to get the ice damage
fixed.  I ran through the top of a downed tree trying to avoid a group of kids
playing in the street.  I was only going about 25 mph when I ran through a
treetop hanging out in the road.  Total cost, $2,000.

At my age, it's pretty rare to be a part of something that can impact the lives
of thousands of people.  While my public information efforts during the storm
were pretty minor, it was such a blessing to be among people who were willing to
put their lives on hold to help others.  I rank it up there in the top ten
experiences of my life.

My nephew noted that sometimes God prepares us to be in the right place at the
right time to help others.  I think that the Great Ice Storm of 2009 may have
been one of those occasions for me.

Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy

TO The Survivors

ALL THE KIDS WHO GREW UP IN
the  50's, 60's and 70's!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get
tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually
died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in
it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day during the summer, as long
as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the
hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few
times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Wii, Playstation, Nintendo, X-box, no video games at all, no 99
channels on cable, no video on demand movies, no surround sound, no cell phones,
no personal computers, no Internet, Internet chat rooms, no instant messaging,
no facebook, no Twitter...WE HAD REAL LIVE FRIENDS and we went outside and found
them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits
from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthday, made up games with sticks and
tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very
many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the
bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had
to learn to deal with disappointment.  Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law! If we got a whippin at school we got another one
when we got home.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and
inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new
ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL
WITH IT ALL.

If YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

====
From Clean Laughs. To Subscribe go to http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com/
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern day
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forward this to friends or post on the web.
===================
Worth Repeating

"This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but
know what to do with it." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

===========================


Don't Let Worry Fill Your Work

Imagine a dense fog blanketing seven city blocks to a depth of one hundred feet.
All that fog condensed, scientists say, fills one single water tumbler. And
there's a picture of worry: in the heat of fear and anxiety, a half glass of
worry expands to cloud everything in our vision.

Someone has estimated that 40 percent of our worries never occur . . . 30
percent are already past . . . 12 percent are needless health concerns . . . 10
percent are petty. Only 8 percent of our worries deserve our attention.

Don't wander in the fog of the 92-percent-needless worry . . . and miss the 8
percent worth your trouble. It's the high calling of our daily work.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be
given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will
worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matt. 6:33-34)

Howard Butt, Jr., of Laity Lodge.
www.thehighcalling.org

30 Things Learned from Ice Storm 2009

On January 26 and 27, 2009, a winter storm dumped more than an inch
of ice on parts of 6 states, bringing lims and whole trees crashing
to the ground.  The ice knocked out electric power to almost a
million families, and brought everything to a crashing halt for about
a week.  Here's some of what we learned from the storm:

1. Nothing in this life will wake you up faster than sitting on a
cold toilet seat.

2. Propane camping stoves are a good investment.

3. The person who figures out a way to make gas furnaces heat houses
without electricity will make a fortune.

4. Second most beautiful sound of the week: Radio static caused by
power company crews working in your neighborhood.

5. Most beautiful sound: A tie between hearing that loved ones are
safe, and hearing that "whoosh" when the furnace kicks on.

6. Look of the week: Scruffy.

7. It's hard to read with gloves on.

8. It's even harder to read by candlelight (how did Abe and our great-
grandparents ever do it).

9. Great workout: Cleaning up debris from dozens of downed tree limbs
and in some cases whole trees in your yard.

10. Scent of the week: Kerosene/gasoline.

11. Most fun: Watching the trees (and everything else!) covered with
ice sparkling in the sunlight.

12. Are the people who love winter happy yet?

13. Global warming is not much of a theory.

14. Who knew that (some) cell phones don't work during power outages?

15. Does anything feel better than a hot shower after days of being
cold and dirty?

16. If it's 52 degrees outside and 48 degrees inside, should you open
a window to let the warm air in?

17. It was warmer inside my refrigerator than it was in my house.

18. When ice is an inch thick, the best way to use a can of deicer is
to hit the ice with the bottom edge of the can.

19. Driving 100 miles on a sheet of ice when the only light you see
is coming from the headlights on your own car is not fun.

20. A cooler filled with food on the back porch makes a great
refridgerator when the temperature is below freezing.

21. The constant roaring in your ears from the sound of running
generators is quickly replaced by the roaring sound of running chain
saws.

22. Even after the power has been off a couple of days, there's
enough hot water left in the tank for one last quick hot shower.

23. Cars have greatly reduced gas mileage when they are carrying a
thousand pounds of ice around on them.

24.  Having 3,000 "microwavable" macroni and cheese meals delivered
to your disaster shelter isn't very helpful when the nearest
electricity is 80 miles away (but, if you're hungry enough they're
quite tasty cold).

25. The next best thing to having your own generator is having a
friend who volunteers to come over with his to charge up your
freezer.  The same applies to chain saws.

26. FEMA Disaster Meals are pretty good, but after the exact same
thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner three days in a row they
really need to make them with a little more content variety.

27. In spite of all the claims and assertions made by the guy from
out of state in the pickup truck at the side of the road with 20
generators for sale, FEMA will NOT reimburse you if you purchase one.

28. Without the dedicated work of highway crews spreading salt and
using chain saws to clear roads the Emergency Management Agencies and
National Guard couldn't bring help.

29. The arrival of hot water is one of the surest indicators that
civilization is returning.  Cable TV is a close second.

30.  I just wonder in nine months, how many babies can wear a shirt
that says "Winter Storm 2009"?

===
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===================

Worth repeating....

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of
people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."

  --Bernard Bailey


====================

  Hugs for a Stranger

Our deeds and words, both good and bad constantly ripple out
affecting others in ways we may never see. Although one Canadian
woman had the opportunity to see exactly what her actions caused.

At a bus stop in Toronto, Paula observed a woman who appeared
distraught and was soon crying. Not accustomed to walking up to
strangers and injecting herself into their affairs, Paula was caught
off balance by her own thoughts. "That woman needs a hug!",

"Something in me just pushed at me", says Paula, "and so I walked up
to her and said, you look like you need a hug."

Gratefully, the stranger accepted the offer.

The two ladies ended up sitting together and through the conversation
Paula asked what was happening in the stranger's life that was
tearing at her so.

The woman spoke of the rough times she was experiencing, mentioning
her heartache regarding her children. Her son was not only on drugs
but was molesting his younger sister.

Paula comforted and offered advice. One of the things she said
was, "I take a paper and place a line down the centre. I put on one
side all the things that are troubling me and on the other I place
all the things I am grateful for. Often I find there are things I can
soon move over to the positive side."

When the two ladies parted, Paula thought she would never see the
stranger again. But life moves in strange ways. Paula was out with a
friend and happened to spot the stranger in a crowd. She rushed over
to say hello and when she did she was astounded by what she
discovered.

The stranger was overjoyed to see Paula and was soon explaining her
joy."That day when you saw me I had intended on going home and
killing my son, my daughter and myself. Your hug changed my
perspective Paula. I felt hope. I went home and I reported my son to
the authorities. He was taken away where he could get help. I just
want you to know that because you hugged me, I didn't kill myself, my
son or my daughter. With that first single move of getting help for
my son, my life began turning around. Today my son is better and is
soon to be married. Thank you so very much Paula!"

With that, two sets of eyes filled with moisture and another hug was
called for!

As told to Ellie Braun-Haley ellie@...

From Sermon Illustrator edited by Rob Chaffart.  To subscribe drop a
note to add@...
or go to:   http://www.answers2prayer.org/illustrator.html