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PRACTICAL PARENTING ADVICE NEWSLETTER
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SURVIVING PARENTHOOD
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CONTENTS
1. Editorial - Happy New Year to Everyone - We Need Your Articles and Ideas!
2. Feature Article -
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1. EDITORIAL - HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!
Hi, please enjoy this first issue of the new year (our 9th year would you believe!)
Don't forget to keep your contributions coming in for the newsletter
, also let me have your ideas on what you would like to see in future
editions of the Newsletter. Email me at:
AndyGill@...
Kind regards
Editor
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2. FEATURE ARTICLE
Study reveals unhindered contact between mother and baby leads to higher success rate in breastfeeding initiation
The results of this trial are significant because, although the effects of early suckling and skin-to-skin contact on initiating breastfeeding are well known, this is the first study of its kind to show how important it is for mothers to be physically close to their babies in the first few days after the birth.
The trial, conducted in collaboration with the Royal Victoria Infirmary in
The importance of the frequency of both successful and unsuccessful feeding attempts in the early post-natal period has long been recognised as a key factor in establishing milk production and in learning how to suckle, with night-time feeds being particularly important.
Dr Helen Ball who led the research at
“This unrestricted contact between mothers and their babies allows spontaneous feeding which is also important in order for mothers to understand their babies’ signals and to respond to those.”
The safety of the babies was also monitored throughout the trial with particular focus on the potential risks relating to the covering of the baby’s face and falling from the sleeping area. Although there was more potential risk exposure to the baby’s breathing when they slept in the bed than in the crib or the cot, the risk cannot be eliminated in a cot due to the risk of the face being covered through swaddling.
Babies in the side-car crib tried to feed as often as those in the bed. As the potential for risks to the baby was equally low for both the sidecar crib and the stand-alone cot, the sidecar crib emerges from the study as the most effective post-natal ward sleeping environment for babies in optimising both breastfeeding initiation and the baby’s safety.
Outcomes of the research were presented at the UNICEF Baby Friendly Conference in
For further information please contact
Dr Helen Ball, Durham University Parent-Infant Sleep Lab Tel: +44
1. The Parent-Infant Sleep Lab is the home for a group of researchers examining various aspects of infant and child sleep and parenting behaviour. Previous research projects include bed-sharing at home, twin sleeping arrangements, and dummy use by babies.
2. Founded in 1832,
The University is collegiate, with colleges providing residential, social and welfare facilities for their student members, and creating a sense of community for staff and students together. The Sunday Times University Guide for potential students named
3. The trial was conducted with mothers who were healthy, non-smoking first-time mothers, expecting one baby, anticipating a normal vaginal delivery and intending to breastfeed.
4. Further research by Dr Ball on bed-sharing
http://www.dur.ac.uk/sleep.lab/publications/
The benefits of breastfeeding
http://www.babyfriendly.org.uk/benefits.asp
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By Elizabeth Pantley
Winter's first snow promised more than a change in the weather: it heralded
the fast approach of the holidays-and the annual gift-shopping ritual. Ken
and Shelley decided that today was as good as any to hit the shopping mall
and get the deed done. Shelley stuck her head in the family room and called
to their kids, "Okay, Nathan and Anna-time to go!"
As the four of them headed out to the car, Nathan was chattering about his
friend's dad's new van. "Man, you should see it! The seats swivel, and there
's even built in headphones in the back seat for the radio!"
"Sounds nice," said Ken, squeezing in behind the wheel.
"So, Dad," Nathan continued, "Why can't we have a neat van like that?"
"We'd love to," Shelley responded, "But those vans are really expensive, and
it's not something we can afford."
"We could always trade in a kid," Ken joked. Like most of his jokes, this
one elicited a groan from the backseat.
In the front seat, Shelley was too busy to notice. She was reviewing their
list of gift recipients, allotting price quotas for each. After a quick
calculation, she told Ken to stop by the bank. The kids watched as the ATM
spat cash out of the slot as easily as Ken had put his card in. Nathan's
voice popped up from the back seat. "Hey Dad! Why don't you just get more
money from the machine and stop at the van dealership, too!" This time, it
was the front seat occupants who groaned.
The first stop was to MegaToy City, an enormously sprawling warehouse of
material diversions-where even the carts were mega-sized, presumably to
encourage mega purchases. Nathan and Anna, as always, were awed and wooed by
the colourful and exciting displays. One in particular provoked Anna to put
her hand over her heart dramatically and sigh-a gesture Shelley recognized
as her own. "Mom! Dad!" she breathed, "Here's the new Super City Electric
Train Set that I saw on TV! And it's on sale! Can I get one, please?"
"Anna, we're supposed to be gift shopping today," her mother reasoned.
"Stuff for other people, not ourselves."
"Oh, but Mom," Anna moaned, "There's only three left on the shelf! We might
never be able to get one!"
"No, honey," Mom answered, "We're not buying it today."
But Anna remained rooted to the spot, nearly drooling at the glistening
train set and taking inventory of the realistic city parts and pieces.
"Mom. Pleeeeze? I won't ask for anything else for a whole year! I promise."
"Anna!" Ken's voice was firm, "You heard your mother. The answer is no. We
have a lot to do today, so let's get busy." Anna's whole body drooped and
seemed to be but an appendage of the lower lip she ceremoniously extended
from her stormy face.
She followed her lip down another aisle, where Nathan's turn for pleading
came next. "But I've always wanted an Alien Mask with Adjustable Voice
Changer!" Predictably, the previous scene repeated itself, and soon Nathan
also wore The Lip.
Doing their best to ignore it all, Ken and Shelley continued agonizing over
gift choices for cousins and friends. After a few more pouts from both
children over various New, Improved, and Wonderful toys (Batteries Not
Included), Dad finally relented and let each of them choose a new video from
a wall that extended the entire width of the store.
The videos, however, didn't stop the whining that escalated with each new
aisle they perused. The toy store became more and more of a punishment to
the parents. Their cart was full of gifts, their limits for both cash
outflow and patience reached. List or no list, Ken, Shelley and The Lips got
in line for the cashier.
Once their packages were paid for and the trunk loaded, Shelley suggested a
lunch break. They stopped at the first fast food restaurant they spied. They
brought their order to the table, and faster than the parents could sort the
little paper-wrapped parcels, Nathan reached across the table; splash! went
his orange pop over his french fries.which then fell with a sodden plop to
the floor. Neither Shelley nor Ken had the energy to complain. Luckily, a
nearby restaurant employee graciously mopped up the mess and replaced the
meal, gratis. Soon, the rest of the family was nearly finished. "I'm still
hungry," Nathan announced, as if the world owed him a tummy-full of french
fries but fell woefully short. "Well?" he added, annoyed that his
thick-headed parents didn't get it. "Can I have some more fries?" With a
second large bag of fries in hand, Nathan followed his family back into the
car and out into the furiously shopping world.
After a long afternoon, and a fair amount of the list crossed off, Shelley
wearily decreed that shopping be done for the day. "I second the motion!"
Ken answered, his voice dripping with relief.
After she unloaded the car, she wandered into the kitchen for dinner ideas,
only to stare, bleary-eyed, at the inside the refrigerator. "I'm too tired
to cook," she said, "Why don't we just order pizza tonight?" She didn't need
to ask the kids that question twice; Nathan brought her the telephone before
the sentence had fully emerged.
As they waited for the pizza, Shelley and Ken sorted the day's purchases,
and the kids ran off to play. A few minutes later, Anna came rushing into
the room crying. "I lost Manny Monkey!"
"I'm sure it's around here somewhere," answered Ken.
"No, Daddy!" she wailed. "I took it with me when we went shopping. We HAVE
to go back and find it-it was my favourite! And it's a limited first edition
retired premium one! It's worth, like.a million dollars!"
"You have tons of those little bean bag animals, honey. Next time don't
bring toys along to the mall."
Anna tears flooded her face. "Then you HAVE to get me another one!"
"Anna!" interrupted her mother. "We can't just run out and replace
everything you lose. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know!"
The Hidden Message
"Money may not grow on trees, but it spits right out of the ATM machine.
There's an endless supply available for shopping, fast-food lunches, pizza
for dinner, and a million of whatever constitutes the latest fad."
Think About It
We are always teaching our children-even if we don't realize a lesson is in
progress. Every minute, every day we spend in our children's company is a
demonstration of what we believe, and children learn well by example. This
is particularly true in the arena of family finances. As we go about our
days, we don't realize that our children are forming concepts about money
based on what they see and hear. From a child's viewpoint, things they need
and want materialize out of nowhere. They have no opportunity to connect our
purchases with the jobs we work, the taxes we pay, the mortgages and bills
that worry our minds in quiet moments.
We pass up opportunities to teach our kids about money when we answer their
requests for material goods by saying, "We can't afford it," or "We're not
buying it today," without explaining the reasons behind our decisions. When
we usher them off to a table at the fast food restaurant, they don't see
money changing hands and have no concept of the meal's cost. And value being
relative, can small children understand the difference between 20 cents and
$20 without our putting it into perspective for them? To many kids, a shiny
piece of copper is more appealing than a wrinkly green crumple of paper.
Money, value, cost, and the daily decisions we must make about all three:
They're a mystery to our kids, one they will not solve easily on their own.
In the interest of forming healthy, productive ideas about material things,
what they can and cannot do for us, and how we go about attaining them, it
behoves us to reveal the realities to our kids in simple ways on a daily
basis.
Changes You Can Make
There are many ways to teach children about money. Begin with a simple
thought: "I need to teach my kids about money, and I'll find opportunities
every day to do it." Once you start, you'll be amazed at how many
opportunities will appear!
When you're paying for a product or service, take a minute to tell your
child how much you are paying. To make the amount more realistic, put it in
terms of your child's allowance or a favourite toy. For example, "Our lunch
today cost $20-that's about the same as four months of your allowance." Or,
"The groceries I'm buying cost $100. That's the same as we paid for your
bike." Can you see that your child may suddenly be more thoughtful when he
asks for that second bag of fries? Imagine his shock when you explain that
the new hot water tank you had to put in cost the equivalent of 100 months
of his allowance! Suddenly these things don't just "materialize" any more;
they begin to have an understandable value in your child's mind.
When your daughter is making her holiday wish list and asks for that deluxe
new doll set with hand-sewn clothes and period furniture, resist the urge to
say, "We can't afford it." This only implies that if you had $600 lying
around, you'd be delighted to buy one for her! Instead, pull out a catalogue
and show her that you could purchase holiday gifts for your entire extended
family for that same amount of money.
When you've emptied your pockets or purse of change, don't just toss the
change in a drawer. This gives your child the message that a little bit of
money isn't of value. Instead, save it in a jar and use it to take the
family to the movies, showing that even small amounts of money can add up
over time.
When your child makes a request for an item that you'd typically buy for
him, make him think more about cost and value by giving him a choice. "Sure,
I could rent that movie, like I do every week for you. Or, you could skip a
movie this weekend and I could give you the three dollars towards that CD
you're saving for." "We could stop for an ice cream cone and eat just one
today, or we could get supplies at the grocery store and have enough for
three ice cream cones each." Suddenly, your kids may be a little more aware
of the value of those many little things you purchase.
It's also important to teach our children the joy of giving from a young
age. If they see their own family purchasing all the things that they need
and want, but never see money going towards helping others less fortunate
they may assume that charity has no place in their lives. Simple lessons,
such as letting a child put coins in a collection jar or including a few
gifts on your shopping trip for your church or school's holiday toy
collection for needy children can give an important message to your
children. Doing these things during the holiday season also helps your
children understand that holidays are not just for making Wish Lists and
gathering presents, but for sharing and caring about other human beings.
Give your children an allowance designated for specific purposes by giving
them guidelines and restrictions. (For example, you may decide that
allowances cannot be spent on candy or toys that you deem inappropriate.)
Help the kids create a budget, but then let your children learn how to make
money decisions. They will make some poor financial decisions, but over time
those mistakes will lead to successes. For example, if your child chooses to
spend his entire allowance on a new CD, then remembers that school tee
shirts are available for purchase, resist the urge to just throw money at
him. Instead, seize the opportunity to teach a lesson: "Well, sometimes we
choose to spend our money on one thing-like your CD-which means there isn't
any for something else we'd like: the tee shirt. Those are money decisions
we have to make."
If your child has a desire for something special- a new bike, roller blades,
a guitar-don't whine about his always wanting something. Don't run out and
buy it for him. Instead, sit down with him and discuss the prospect of this
new treasure. Validate his wish for new things; it's normal and acceptable
to want something special now and then. Tell him how much you will be
willing to chip in (one half, one third) and help him formulate a plan to
earn the rest. He'll learn some of the valuable lessons we so need to teach:
how to make a wise buying decision, how to save, how to want some material
things without 'want' consuming one's soul, how to choose which of those
'wants' to pursue and how to let the rest go. And after the purchase,
because he's been so personally involved, he'll likely treat the item with
respect.
All of these ideas will help your children learn the real value of money and
give them a foundation for a stronger financial future.
(Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group Inc. from
Hidden Messages - What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children
by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 2001)
Titles by Elizabeth Pantley include:
What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children (20% DISCOUNT):
www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0809297701/practicparentiin
Perfect Parenting can be purchased at (20% DISCOUNT):
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0809228475/practicparentiin
Kid Cooperation can be purchased at:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1572240407/practicparentiin
You can visit's Elizabeth's web site at:
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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