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PRACTICAL PARENTING ADVICE NEWSLETTER
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SURVIVING PARENTHOOD
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CONTENTS

1. Editorial - We Need Your Articles and Ideas!

2. Feature Article - Parenting with Style: Why you might clash with your
child by Caron B. Goode, Ed.D. (1997)

3. TV Programme on Addiction - Request for Help

4. Book Swapping Website - Gives Parents Access to Free Books

5. Assess your Sons Communication - Is your Son a Boy of Few Words?

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1. EDITORIAL - WE NEED YOUR ARTICLES AND IDEAS!

Hi, please enjoy this bumper edition!

Don't forget to keep your contributions coming in for the newsletter
, also let me have your ideas on what you would like to see in future
editions of the Newsletter. Email me at:

AndyGill@...

Dr Andy Gill
Editor

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Letters From" and the "Tooth Fairy Super Package" - both designed to help
keep the magic in your relationship with your child. Register now to win!
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2. FEATURE ARTICLE - PARENTING WITH STYLE: WHY YOU MIGHT CLASH WITH YOUR
CHILD

By Caron B. Goode, Ed.D. (1997)


Every morning, six-year-old Josh and his mom clash. A daydreamer by nature,
Josh moves through life at a slower pace than his task-oriented mom. This is
most evident in the morning when meandering Josh and his highly organized
mother are trying to get out the door. This daily struggle highlights their
obviously different personal styles.

Personal style is a natural predisposition toward time, stress, people,
tasks, and situations. It is also the foundation on which preferences,
reactions, and life values are built. When parents understand their child’s
personal style, communication and interaction become easier and more
effective. This can be instrumental in helping parents achieve the
behavioural results they want, and the harmony they desire.

What is Your Child’s Personal Style?

According to Terry Anderson, Ph.D., Canada Research Chair in Distance
Education at Athabasca University, there are four personal style categories:
behavioural, cognitive, interpersonal, and affective. There are bits and
pieces of each personal style in all of us, but individuals typically
exhibit one that is dominant.

Behavioural

Behavioural-style children need freedom and self-expression. They are often
bold, wilful, productive, competitive, unemotional, and self-reliant. These
children rarely talk about their problems or emotions. Instead they set
goals, and take action. They like to be leaders, and enjoy being recognized
for their achievements. Behavioural-style children are independent learners,
and prefer real-life examples rather than abstract thinking or discussion.
They enjoy structure, dislike control, and will question authority if their
parents appear incongruent.

Parenting Behavioural-Style Children

Parents of behavioural-style children should engage a no-blame,
non-emotional approach to communication. Since these children are typically
unemotional, demonstrative parents shouldn’t take it personally if their
child doesn’t respond in kind. These children appreciate fairness, logic,
honesty, and directness. When assigning tasks to your behavioural-style
child, set the structure, but do not stand over or try to direct his or her
activities. You should give your child the task, state the benefit or
reward, and ask when and how it will be completed.

Cognitive

Cognitive-style children need affirmation and understanding. They are deep
thinkers who like to thoroughly examine issues. They value intimacy,
respect, and good relationships. Cognitive-style children take instruction
well, and admire expertise and knowledge. They are organized, enjoy working
with data, and can be perfectionists. Because their talents often lie in
numbers and mathematics, they may spend hours at their computers.

Parenting Cognitive-Style Children

Showing a cognitive-style child appreciation and respect goes a long way
towards developing a good relationship. When assigning these children a
task, remember cognitive children are not competitive and might not respond
to rewards or games. Instead, lay out the activity and provide the time and
freedom necessary to complete it. If the task goes unfinished, do not argue
with the child or make generalities. Cognitive-style children respond best
to calmly stated facts such as, “You didn’t clean your room today,” as
opposed to, “You never clean your room.” In addition to calmly stating the
facts, parents should offer only constructive suggestions, not criticism.
As perfectionists, these children criticize themselves enough without any
help.

Interpersonal

Interpersonal-style children need appreciation and trust. They are highly
perceptive, and require honesty in communication and relationships. These
children are the family peacemakers. They worry if there are arguments or
illnesses, and feel disharmony deeply, often internalising it.
Interpersonal-style children are sometimes shy, and value secure
relationships and stable environments. Therefore, they do not fare well with
transitions unless they are prepared beforehand.

Parenting Interpersonal-Style Children

Interpersonal-style children respond well to friendly non-threatening
communication. They listen well and are observant. Therefore, modelling
behaviour for them is key. As peacemakers, they willingly join forces with
parents to solve problems. When assigning tasks, interpersonal-style
children prefer graduated stages of difficulty so they can easily mark their
success. If the hardest problem is presented first, these children often
feel overwhelmed and don’t complete the tasks at hand. If parents show their
appreciation for these children, they feel great about themselves.

Affective

Affective-style children are highly creative and artistic. As adults, they
are often called visionaries or dreamers. They learn by doing, and need to
feel through things before making decisions. They easily live in the world
of ideas, and are drawn to expressive outlets like writing or organizing
games around friends. They enjoy variety, like being the centre of
attention, and crave acknowledgement for their creativity. They also value
their friendships and easily enjoy life.

Parenting Affective-Style Children

Affective-style children respond to affection, conversation, and personal
attention. Allow them to be creative, and encourage them to participate in
drama, group activities, and peer counselling. They are also excellent at
fund raising, and rise to challenges when they are presented with excitement
and fun. Be sure to offer them structure, as well as positive and
enthusiastic discipline. And, good luck asking these kids to take out the
garbage!


Dr. Caron Goode is a parenting expert and the director of the Academy of
Parent Coaching International. The Academy offers a parent coaching
certification program for individuals interested in helping families nurture
and grow their children. For more information, visit <http://ww.acpi.biz >


Sidebar:

Style Name Preference for… Limited with… Best Learns….

1. Behavioural Tasks\things People\social Independently
2. Cognitive Data\information Tasks\things Visually
3. Interpersonal People\social Ideas\creativity Aurally
4. Affective Ideas\creativity Data\numbers Experientially


Source: Robinson, Everett, T. Why Aren’t You More Like Me? Styles & Skills
for Leading and Living with Credibility. Seattle: Consulting Resource Group
International, Inc. 1997. p. 30

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3) TV PROGRAMME ON ADDICTION - REQUEST FOR HELP

Hi,

My name is Rebecca, I am working on a documentary on the subject of
Addiction. I work for an independent company, which makes documentaries that
tell real people's stories in a sensitive and thought provoking way. I would
be very interested to hear you thoughts and feedback on the information
below. If this is something you are interested in finding out more about
then please get in touch-in confidence and with no commitment.

The programme will look at the effect of addiction on a whole family. We are
working with addiction specialists to make sure we tackle the project in an
intelligent and responsible way. We really want to show that addiction is
something that affects all walks of life, and perhaps go some way to
breaking the stigma that the families of an addict often feel.

I would like to speak to families of addicts who are concerned about a loved
ones addictive behaviour, I would also be interested to hear from addicts
themselves who don't feel ready to give up their addiction but might be
ready to speak about it. I understand that it is a brave move to talk about
this issue for everyone and will respect the confidence of anyone who gets
in touch. At this stage any calls will be in with no commitment, based on
further information it will be up to you if you want to take it further.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and best wishes,

Rebecca
rebecca@...


PLEASE SEE AS BELOW FOR CONTACT DETAILS:

Are you concerned about the addictive behaviour of a friend or family
member? Or are you ready to tell the story of your own addiction?

Award winning tv production company is making a documentary for Channel 4
about the issue of addiction. If you want to find out more about this
project please get in touch. You’ll be supported throughout the process by a
skilled addiction professional.

Please contact Rebecca Rebecca@... all calls taken in confidence
and without commitment.


Bec Smith
Associate Producer
betty
rebecca@...

ddi: 020 7290 0667
switch: 020 7290 0660
fax: 020 7290 0679

New address from 6th March
The Heals Building
8 Alfred Mews
London
W1T 7AA

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4) BOOK SWAPPING WEBSITE - GIVES PARENTS ACCESS TO FREE BOOKS


Parents and pregnant mums can now get books for free.

The UK’s biggest book swap website, ReadItSwapIt, is offering first-time
parents and pregnant mums a free book-exchange service.

It has added a new category devoted to parenting and pregnancy books to its
existing fiction and non-fiction offering, which include children’s books,
classics, romances, historical fiction, thrillers, biographies, self-help
books, history titles, religious books, health guides and books about pets,
home & garden, cookery & diet and sport.

The site, (http://www.readitswapit.co.uk), allows book lovers to swap books
over the internet.

Members can swap any book in any category for any other book in the
ReadItSwapIt library.

So far, users have saved more than £100,000 using the site instead of buying
books.

In total, more than 37,000 books have been registered since booklovers Neil
Ferguson and Andrew Bathgate, 26, set up the site as a hobby and started
promoting it a few months ago.

There are nearly 2,000 children’s books available, while in the parenting
and pregnancy category – which only went live this week – there is already
over 100 books up for grabs.

All books are free. The site aims to spread to literacy and encourage
reading by giving everyone in the UK access to free books.

Famous novelist Tash Aw, who's just won the Whitbread first novel award, has
already voiced his support for the site.

“ReadItSwapIt is definitely a very, very good thing,” Aw told the BBC in a
recent interview. “It’s always best to expose your book to as big an
audience as possible, even if they’ve not bought it, because you never know
where that might lead.”

Librarians have welcomed the site as well, with libraries in London, the
Midlands and Northern Ireland promoting the site to their members.

The idea for the site came when Andy got fed up with books he had already
read taking up all the space on his bookshelves. He wanted to give
cash-strapped readers a new way to acquire books to read and decided to set
up the site with Neil, a computer programmer. Despite incurring costs
running the site, they do not charge anything and instead ask users to show
their support by donating to charity.


For further information please contact:

ReadItSwapIt co-founder Andrew Bathgate
Tel: 0794 136 4248 Email: pressoffice@...

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5) ASSESS YOUR SONS COMMUNICATION - IS YOUR SON A BOY OF FEW WORDS?


The following three checklists reflect different spheres of communication
that shape social development. These checklists are not a substitute for
psychological tests and are intended only to help you sort out your
concerns. For simplicity's sake, each checklist is limited to twelve
questions. In general, if you find yourself checking more than a few items
on any list, there is a strong likelihood that the boy in question could
benefit from some family or school intervention to shore up his
communication and related social skills.

Checklists link:

<http://www.dradamcox.com/boys_few_words/communication.html>

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<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Name: Dr Andy Gill
E-mail: AndyGill@...
Practical Parenting Advice Web Site:
http://www.practicalparent.org.uk
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