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PS.update - Halloween 1999

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The e-newsletter from PresenceSense magazine

-- dedicated to Etiquette, Social Customs, & Lifestyle
... and life's pleasures & mysteries

Post Office Box 547 Rancocas New Jersey 08073 USA
http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CONTENTS

1- PresenceSense Announcement
2- PS.update's New feature
3- PS.update's Subscription Contest
4- Halloween Parade in Greenwich Village
5- Description of a Bridal Shower
6- Halloween around the World
7- Black Cats
8- Wedding Ideas
9- History and Symbols of Halloween
10- Opinions, please
11- Free-lancer’s Update
12- PresenceSense magazine Subscription Info
13. Vulgar Customes on Nutcrack Night
14- US Flag Etiquette
15- When Edgar Allan Poe Plays Edgar Allan Poe
16- I Didn't Know This ...
17- PresenceSense magazine
18- Wedding, Ex- Maid-of-Honor's Hurt Feelings
19- Miscellany

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS.update is now e-mail'ed through ONElist.

If you are a subscriber to the old list, please take a
few seconds and update your subscription; send an e-mail
to psupdate-subscribe@onelist.com
Thank-you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
---Frank A Clark

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1. PRESENCESENSE ANNOUNCEMENT

Fire in the office of PresenceSense magazine

Most records, computer disks and valuable papers were
destroyed in the fire. A letter to our magazine
subscribers and further information, notes and updates ...
http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag/journal.htm

~~~

I appreciate those wonderful people who took the
time in their busy lives to sending me well wishes
.... there are too many to post!

I am thankful for all!

---Kimberly

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I am forced to try to make myself laugh that I may not cry:
For one or the other must do.
--Samuel Richardson

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PresenceSense: cartoon
--illustrated by Greg Brown

The newly hired Talulu and Angelique
are concerned about a slight mishap.

http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag/journal.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Invitation to Etiquette Professionals:

The Horstman Teed Corporation
requests the pleasure of your participation
in submitting pieces for publication to
PresenceSense magazine and PS.update

R.s.v.p. presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Halloween Fun:

Mort the Fortune Teller ...??
http://www.anglo-saxon.demon.co.uk/halloween/fortune/index.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. PS.UPDATE'S NEW FEATURE

Daily I receive numerous wedding related questions, so ...

Introducing PresenceSense magazine's, new list,

PSupdatesWeddingEtiq

.... it is designed to allow subscribers and wedding
professionals to share and discuss wedding, etiquette and
social custom information.

Topics to be discussed are whatever is on your mind; have a
wedding planning problem, need an opinion, want to state your
opinion, pass along interesting tidbits, ask questions,
describe a wedding you just attended, need information on how
to write a thank-you note, should you invite your dreaded
pointed-eared step sister?, vent about a frustration -- the
topic is what's on your mind.

Subscribe: PSupdatesWeddingEtiq-subscribe@onelist.com

~~~

PS.update will not change; it will continue to be
e-mail'ed bi-monthly and discuss a variety of etiquette
and social custom issues.

Send your posts for January's PS.update
presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. PS.UPDATE SUBSCRIPTION CONTEST

I'm planning to come out of the fire bigger and better
than before and I'm hoping that PS.update subscribers
will help!

So ... I'm running a contest to provide incentive for
current subscribers to introduce their friends to
PS.update and PresenceSense magazine.

Please forward this newsletter to those friends, add a
"cc:" to kimberly.t@... . We will tabulate
how many of these new names become new PS.update
subscribers between now and May 5th, 1999.

The winners will be determined by how many recipients of
your forwarded copies subscribe. Subscribers must enter
their own subscriptions by midnight, EST, May 5th, 1999.

1st - 10th Place Prizes:
http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag/contest.htm

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4. HALLOWEEN PARADE IN GREENWICH VILLAGE

I have it on the highest authority that all one need do on
Halloween night is stand in Washington Square in the Village
and you'll see the following: men dressed as spider webs,
Queen Kong, stilt dancers, a walking deck of cards (the
cards shuffle themselves by running and changing places),
Moses on roller skates, a walking salad bar, the Big Apple
Corps Gay and Lesbian Marching Bad, Cambells' Tomato Soup,
Ronald Reagan wielding a gun and a bible, walking cases of
lipstick, Dorothy, Toto, the Tin Woodman, The Cowardly Lion,
the Scarecrow, The Wizard, Glinda, Auntie Em, Ichabod Crane
and lost aliens:

"Towards the westernmost part of the street I spot two young
men dressed as grotesque space aliens with flashing red eyes,
silver boots, sequined hats, black zippered coats, and long
rubber fingers. When I ask them where they are from, they
explain with Hispanic accents, 'We're not from here. We're
from outer space.' For the next few minutes we engage in a
perfectly absurd discussion about the difficulty of finding
parking for space ships in Manhattan, the relative age of
space aliens, the time it takes to get from one universe to
another, and the best place to eat blood in Manhattan." (Jack
Kugelmass, "Wishes Come True: Designing the Greenwich Village
Halloween parade.")

by Leslie Birdwell

Leslie Birdwell likes to spend her time sitting on the floor of
the library looking stuff up in dusty old books.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Making Scents of Love

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "new car interior".
--Rita Rudner

It's easy to design an amorous atmosphere with a just little
imagination and some pleasing scents. Simply add some exotic
fragrances to the air and you can fashion the desired special
effect.

http://www.jersey.net/~kathlyne/scents.htm
from "Kathlyne's ESP.zine"

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5. DESCRIPTION OF A BRIDAL SHOWER

An e-mail between a man from France and
a female who lives in the United States ...

How did I come I have it? I'll never tell ;>

---Kimberly


from him:
you still have to tell me what really happens during a
bridal shower ...

from her:
ok my friend; however, read at your own risk:

continued on ...
http://pages.ivillage.com/wh/kimberly.t/bshower.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guests should always leave a little of their warmth and
good will behind when they leave.
---PresenceSense magazine

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A variety of nothing is better than a monotony of something.
--Jean Paul Richter

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6. Halloween around the World

All countries around the world do not recognize
Halloween; however, many countries do have a holiday
similar to Halloween.

In Mexico and other Latin American countries, the first
two days of November are the Days of the Dead. In some
regions, the evening of October 31 is the beginning of the
Day of the Dead Children, which is followed by the Day of
the Dead Adults. This is a time for great celebration, with
traditional plays and food. Skeleton figures-candy, toys,
statues and decorations are seen everywhere. Families
decorate the family graves, which is preceded by religious
services and ended with picnics.

China celebrates the care of the dead through prayers and
sacrifices as a part of a spring festival of purification
and regeneration.

The Bon festival in Japan is dedicated to the spirits of
ancestors, for whom special foods are prepared takes place
during the middle of the summer.

In England, children celebrate Guy Fawkes Day on November 5.
Fawkes was accused of attempting to blow up the Houses of
Parliament on that day in 1605. He was caught, hung, drawn,
and quartered. In the present, weeks proceeding November 5,
English children prepare effigies of Fawkes. called Guys.
They set them out on street corners and beg passersby for "a
penny for the Guy". November 4 is known as Mischief Night,
when all children are free to play pranks on adults. On the
night of the 5th, the Guys are burned in bonfires.

by Apryl Chapman Thomas

Apryl Chapman Thomas spends her time searching the web for
unique and interesting facts, -- well, atleast, she thinks
they're interesting ;)
Don't call her in the evening - that's her research time!

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7. BLACK CATS

Black cats are considered very unlucky in the European and
European-American traditions. Among Anglo-Saxons and
Scandinavian people, it is said that one sets out on a
journey and a black cat crosses the road ahead, one's only
safe course of action is to turn back and return home.

Tales of shape-shifting black cats and black cats who are in
communication with the Devil are also a feature of European
folk-belief. Concomitant with these negative feelings about
black cats is the notion that they are particularly favoured
as witches' familiars -- hence their almost universal use on
Hallowe'en decorations.

In bright contrast to this image of the "evil" black cat, there
is a "good" black cat -- the antinomian lucky black cat of the
African-American sporting and gambling world. This black cat
does double-duty as a representative of the black arts and as
a bringer of money-luck.

From a very forwarded e-mail, original author unknown.

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Feel free to forward PS.update.
Please -- do not subscribe anyone
without their permission ... avoids problems.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8. WEDDING IDEAS

A friend at work is getting married and she would like
an idea for her dinner. She would like to get away from
the traditional, guests clanking on their glasses so that
the bride and groom kiss. One idea was to have people
say a word chosen by the bride as the theme. Do you have
any ideas that are different? Thanks! --Tricia, e-mail

~~~

At formal sit down dinners I've always found that a good old
fashioned food fight fits the bill. We did it at a wedding
in upstate New York ... a very fancy affair. They're still
talking about the heathens from Virginia.
--Alex Parker
Ad consulting, stolen ideas, covert activities,
cigars, moonshine and of course... dirty pictures.

~~~

As gauche as I find the whole glass-tapping routine, I'm not
wild about the idea of telling guests what to do at a wedding
reception. On the other hand, I could see offering guests an
opportunity to share a brief sentiment either on a card at the
table or a turn at the mike. Ultimately, your guests have
expressed their sentiments by showing up and buying a present,
ergo, requiring additional effort seems out of place.

But as for fun, non-traditional ideas for the celebration, why
not serve foods that are special to you and your fiance? At
my wedding, we served chicken wings from the restaurant where
we had our first date. I also made sure that several of my
husband's favorites were on the menu.
--Anne Louise Bannon
A free-lance writer from Los Angeles, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS.update is now e-mail'ed through ONElist.

If you are a subscriber to the old list, please take a
few seconds and update your subscription, send an e-mail
to psupdate-subscribe@onelist.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9. HISTORY AND SYMBOLS OF HALLOWEEN

How much do you really know about Halloween?

by Apryl Chapman Thomas

http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag/hhistory.htm

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10. OPINIONS, PLEASE

:: Q ::
When do you kick the lazy, non-school attending, non-
working, non-helping around the house stepdaughter
out of the house?

:: A ::
You are being kinder to her than her father is by allowing her
to loaf. Nonetheless, you may be over-stepping your authority.
After all, she is your step-daughter, a ticklish relationship,
at best. The fact that you've already taken this step with
your own brother should prove that you genuinely have her best
interests at heart. I recommend working things out at a
marriage counselor's office before you take any drastic steps.
--Anne Louise Bannon;
a free-lance writer from Los Angeles, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was the rudest thing that happened to you?
How did you handle it?
How do you wish you handled it?
presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Etiquette can be at the same time a means of
approaching people and of staying clear of them.
---Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you have friends/associates who
may enjoy the information provided here?
Please feel free to forward them a copy.

~~~

Are you reading a forwarded copy?
A free subscription to PS.update
can be easily obtained by e-mailing
psupdate-subscribe@onelist.com

~~~

We respect your privacy & will not divulge
your e-mail address to any outside source.

~~~

Please note:

We have switched to ONElist for this e-newsletter.
If you are a subscriber to the old list, please take a
few seconds and update your subscription; send an e-mail
to psupdate-subscribe@onelist.com
Thank-you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"PresenceSense magazine"
must be credited in any use of excerpts.
Please advise us where the reprint is being used.
presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want to state your opinion, pass along some interesting
tidbits, ask questions, describe the party you just attended,
need information on how to write a thank-you note, should you
invite your spiteful 6'4" aunt to your next ...?, vent
about a pet-iquette peeve ... where, when and how to do
life's niceties, request 1800s etiquette information for that
historical romance novel you're writing, just heard an
interview with a celebrity and want to commend / condemn their
behavior -- the topic is what's on your mind.

Send your posts for the next PS.update
to presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

11. FREE-LANCER'S UPDATE

PresenceSense magazine publishes the
Free-lancer's Update, an e-bulletin designed to
inform talented and creative free-lance writers,
artists and photographers of our current needs.
For a free subscription e-mail
FreelancersUpdate-subscribe@onelist.com

... looking forward to seeing your talent

Please note:
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If you are a subscriber to the old list, please take a
few seconds and update your subscription; send an e-mail
to FreelancersUpdate-subscribe@onelist.com
Thank-you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and
rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it
is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in
anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed
down for many generations. But after observation and analysis,
when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive
to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live
up to it.
--Buddha

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12. PRESENCESENSE MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION

Subscribe to PresenceSense magazine...
the new charter subscription is $9 for 6 issues.
Canada/Foreign add $9.
Please mail check or money order to:
PresenceSense magazine
Post Office Box 547 Rancocas New Jersey 08073 USA

http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag/CSissue.htm

~~~

For ADVERTISING in
PresenceSense magazine, PS.update,
&/or the Free-lancer's Update
e-mail presencesensemag@...

For PresenceSense magazine RETAIL SALES information
e-mail presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

READERS:

PS.update would like to hear your 2cents ...
We are looking forward to receiving your ideas,
questions, and personal stories.
... e-mail presencesensemag@...

--- postings may be published in future issues.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines,
practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors
in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative
weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us
to either fortune or failure.
--Jim Rohn

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13. VULGAR CUSTOMES ON NUTCRACK NIGHT
OR, HALLOWEEN AMONGST THE RUSTICS

In the British Isles, All Hallows was a time when the border
between the seen and the unseen vanished. A young girl could
cast spells and read her future in a mirror or in the flames.

Burning torches and wild bonfires were prayers to unnamed
things silenced in the Christian world. Could the ashen stones
left in the embers on All Soul’s morning tell who would be
alive in a year - and who will be dead? "The feast of Allhallows,"
writes John Brand in his Popular Antiquities of 1901, "is said to
drive the Fins almost out of their wits." But they, after all,
are Finns, and need not concern us in our recounting of the
pastimes of the sturdy English country folk.

Love Divinations

Take an opportunity of going, unnoticed, to a bean-stack, and
fathom it three times round. The last fathom of the last time
you will catch in your arms the appearance of your future
conjugal yokefellow.

Take a candle, and go alone to a looking glass. Eat an apple
before it, and you should comb your hair all the time. The
face of your companion-to-be will be seen in the glass, as if
peeping over your should.

Young women place nuts upon the bars of the grates, naming
them after their lovers. If a nut cracks or jumps, the lover
will prove unfaithful; if it begins to blaze or burn, he has
a regard for the person making the trial. If the nuts named
after the girl and her lover burn together, they will be married.

To Summon a Spirit

Go to the barn, unperceived and alone. Take the doors off the
hinges so that the being who will appear will not lock you
inside and do you some mischief. Take up the wecht-tool and
make as if winnowing the corn against the wind. Repeat three
times, and the third time an apparition will pass through the
barn, in at the windy door and out at the other.

To Know Who Will Live and Who Will Die

Every family makes up a great fire in a conspicuous place near
the home and when it is almost extinguished, throws a white
stone in the ashes, having first marked it. They say their
prayers turning round the fire, and then go to bed. In the
morning, they come to search out the stones and if any is not
found, that person will be dead before they see another All
Saint’s Eve.

by Leslie Birdwell

Leslie Birdwell likes to spend her time sitting on the floor of
the library looking stuff up in dusty old books.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14. US FLAG ETIQUETTE

Learn the proper way to treat
the flag of the United States of America.

http://pages.ivillage.com/wh/kimberly.t/flag.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15. When Edgar Allan Poe Plays Edgar Allan Poe

You might say this was the part he was born to play.
Which is why it's a little surprising that Pasadena actor
Edgar Allan Poe IV was initially a little hesitant to
portray his famous namesake, Edgar Allan Poe, the 19th
century author of such spooky classics as "The Raven" and
"The Tell-Tale Heart."

But Poe IV has taken on that very role, on the Friday,
October 29 episode of Sabrina the Teen-Age Witch. During
the episode, while Sabrina (played by Melissa Joan Hart) is
off working at her first job, her aunts Hilda (Caroline Rhea)
and Zelda (Beth Broderick) have Poe, the author, over for
dinner to read them some really spooky tales.

You need to know two essential things about Poe IV. First off,
that really is his name. His father is Edgar Allan Poe III.
Secondly, Poe IV is also an indirect descendant of the author
Poe, through the author's brother William Henry. (Poe, who was
born in 1809 and died in 1849, did not have any children.) So
that resemblance is more than superficial.

"Of course, he had a little less hair on top than the real Poe
did," said Sabrina make-up supervisor Eryn Krueger.

But Krueger's used to making actors up to look like the many
different historical figures that pop up on the show. She said
that after looking at various drawings and/or photographs, if
they're available, she has a pretty good idea what someone,
such as the author Poe, looked like in real life. And while
the parts are often cast based on an actor's resemblance to a
historical figure, the resemblance is not always that close. So
the make-up part can be a challenge.

Krueger said that she was told that Poe IV was somewhat
follically-challenged compared to his famous forebear, and
wondered how the make-up would work.

"And then when he walks in, you're thinking this is going to
be easier than you thought," she said. The author Poe has
been a part of Poe IV's life for as long as he can remember.

Poe IV was born in Maryland - he prefers not to say when, then
moved with his mother to Charlottesville, Virginia, where the
author had attended the University of Virginia. Poe IV began
reading the author's stories as a child.

"I think I may have read a book of short stories by him before
anything was assigned," he said. "I did like it."

He was attracted to the works because of his name, but also
because the stories stirred up his imagination. Imagination
was important to Poe IV. He was very shy as a child, and it
even took him until his senior year of high school before he
got up enough nerve to audition for a play.

"I realized that once I got up on stage, I was not shy," he
said.

After moving to Miami to attend the University of Miami,
Poe IV started acting professionally and was making a living
at it.

"For years, all my friends would say, 'Why don't you do a Poe
show?'" Poe IV said. "And I'd say, 'I don't want to play Poe.
I'm making a living as an actor.' And the bottom line was that
I was too much of a procrastinator to ever sit down and write
the thing."

It wasn't until he got a job shooting a film at a commercial
haunted house in North Carolina that he played the author for
the first time. Actually, he played an innkeeper in the film,
but the owner of the haunted house convinced him to do readings
from Poe's works as Poe for Halloween.

"I took requests," Poe IV said. "I'd do anything but Barry
Manilow. They requested Tell-Tale Heart, The Raven. It went
over surprisingly well."

He did that for two years, and then, in 1997, moved to Pasadena
and got an agent. He gave the agents some shots of him playing
the author Poe, but those were only to supplement his regular
head shots. There were no more parts as Poe until earlier this
year when he played Poe as part of an untitled film starring
Brendan Frasier that has yet to be released. Then late this
past summer, his agent sent him to Viacom to audition for the
Sabrina gig.

Rick Millikan, the casting director, was a little skeptical
when he first saw Poe IV's picture.

"I thought I've got to meet this guy. Who is this? Is this
for real?" Millikan said. "I figured it might be a long shot.
Just because he's related, is he going to be any good?"

And apparently Poe IV was, after all, he got the job. But he
doesn't see himself making a career out of playing the author.
"I don't think there are that many Poe parts out there," he
said. "I don't think I could make a living playing Poe."

He has heard, however, that actor Sylvester Stallone wants to
do a film about the famous author, and Poe IV wouldn't mind
talking to the action star about doing that project. And
Poe IV may yet do the Poe show, if he can find a collaborator
to help him write it. So you might say that his attitude
toward taking Poe on again is anything but Nevermore....

by Anne Louise Bannon;
... a free-lance writer from Los Angeles, California

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

16. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS ...

Bald Eagles are out of Danger

The bald eagle is America's bird. For many years, the bald
eagle was in danger of dying out. Thiry years ago, there
were very few bald ealges. Today there are many. This
summer, scientists decided the bald eagle is no longer in
danger of dying out.

On July 2, the White House held a celebration to honor
America's bird.

--Weekly Reader http://www.weeklyreader.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS.update is now e-mail'ed through ONElist.

If you are a subscriber to the old list, please take a few
seconds and update your subscription, send an e-mail to
psupdate-subscribe@onelist.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Questions? Comments? Ideas? E-mail presencesensemag@...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

17. PRESENCESENSE MAGAZINE

Etiquette, Social Customs, and Lifestyle
... and life's pleasures & mysteries

PresenceSense magazine is a national
[not an e-zine; paper, delivered via snail-mail]
magazine dedicated to Etiquette, Social Customs,
Lifestyle ... and life's pleasures & mysteries.
Essentially, we are a general interest magazine about life.

A fun art deco styled publication; reminiscent of the
literary magazines of the 20's & 30's.

http://www.jersey.net/~presencesensemag

~~~

All good activities which encourage people to learn how
to live with one another pleasantly and to develop a
sense of humor improve living."
---Leonard Carmichael

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

18. EX- MAID-OF-HONOR'S HURT FEELINGS

I was asked by my best friend of 15 years to be her Matron of
Honor, I just had a baby about 5 months ago and have been very
busy since.

This is something that the two of us have dreamed about
since we were little, her being my matron and me being her's.

Well I went out of town for a week and a half and I come back
to her telling me that someone else has made all of the plans,
picked the dress, the invitations, and this bridesmaid is
planning the bachlorette and bridal shower.

Then my friend tells me that she feels that she should give her
bridesmaid a larger part in the wedding because she has helped
her so much and she tells me that she has asked her to be the
Matron of honor. What do I do? I feel as though our friendship
is being destroyed. After 15 years of planning and dreaming
its gone, my feelings are so hurt. Now she is too busy to talk
to me and I tried explaining how hurt I am and I think I hurt
her feelings. She said she found someone else to be a bridesmaid
as well, I don't even think she wants me to go to her wedding.
I feel so uncomfortable around the new matron of honor. Help
what do I do? --The Excused Matron of Honor

Dear Excused,
Sounds like you are both involved in so much ... you just had
a baby, this is a busy time for you -- be happy someone else is
doing all the extra work ... the plans you made 15 years ago
were made when neither of you realized that sometimes 'life' is
a lot of work ... it is okay to let go of this dream and allow
someone else, who has the time to do it and do it right, to be
the maid-of-honor ... as a friend of the bride's you must offer
your assistance to the new maid-of-honor *and* be pleasant
*and* cooperative while helping where she needs help ... you
must go to the wedding *and* smile *and* be happy *and* look
proud of your friend ... do not be remembered as the one who
tried to ruin the wedding ... right now stop dwelling on your
feelings, it is understandable that being replaced hurts, but
it is also practical that someone else takes this burden off of
your shoulders ... smile, be happy, you just had a wonderful
child and your friend is marrying the man of her dreams ---Kimberly

Original post/answer from iVillage's Wedding Woman Board
http://boards2.ivillage.com/messages/get/rlwedding32.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19. MISCELLANY

Advertise in PS.update!

You can sponsor one of these bi-monthly newsletters and
reach an informed audience. For more information on this
please contact presencesensemag@...

~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you have no money, be polite." Danish proverb

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PresenceSense is a registered trademark of
The Horstman Teed Corporation
Post Office Box 547 Rancocas New Jersey 08073, USA.

~~~

All contents of this e-newsletter are COPYRIGHT 1999
PresenceSense magazine / The Horstman Teed Corporation,
unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved.

The contents may be used with permission, e-mail
presencesensemag@... . "PresenceSense magazine"
must be credited in any use of excerpts. Please advise
us where the reprint is being used. Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOVEMBER 1999