Today, I sat to type and had not a thing to write. I felt useless, like I wasn't
earning my keep. I got up, did the dishes for my wife, and went out for a walk.

The village was deserted, no cars, pedestrians, birds, nor
stray cats. I felt like the only sentient being left on Earth.
I was going to indulge in a philosophical funk, when I heard
a deep humming above my head. I looked up and saw a flying saucer descending.
Colored lights flashed on its side. I almost fell on
my knees with veneration as I read the message they formed: "All is
consciousness."

The craft landed. A door opened. Two aliens approached me. I
ogled at the oddest things I have ever seen: Their bodies looked
like black jumbo-sized garbage bags stuffed to the brim. They
walked on stubby bright yellow legs, and one had its toenails
painted red. I figured that was the girl. I detected no eyes,
nose, nor ears but they had large mouths full of teeth that could
put a shark to shame.

"What do you have good to eat?" said the male with a voice that sounded like the
rumblings elephants make to be heard miles away.

I was taken aback by such a greeting, yet surprised he spoke
perfect English. Well, better than mine.

"What planet do you come from?"

"We don't come from a planet. We live inside a black hole."

"I thought that nothing could live inside a black hole."

"Exactly. We are that nothing that lives there. What do you have
good to eat?"

"Nothing, I'm on my way to the grocery store to buy lunch."

"No, he meant what parts of your body are most delicious," she
said with a voice as high as a cat's screech.

"Well, I honestly don't know, I'm not a cannibal. But say, don't
tell me, that you eat people."

"No, we haven't, yet. You are going to be our first one," she said.

"That's preposterous! How can such advanced beings like you, eat
an intelligent life form like me?" They laughed. It sounded like whales farting.

"He thinks he's intelligent. What a joke," she said.

"It's natural, they are the craftiest predators on this planet,
and they haven't left this solar system yet. Listen, my good man,
your kind eats pigs that are by comparison to you more
intelligent than you are to us. Think of your great luck, your
place in history as being the first human to be eaten by an
extraterrestrial is assured. Besides, you're a nondualist. Don't you
believe that all is One. All is consciousness. Surely, you
understand that no one would be eating you. Consciousness would
be savoring itself. That's all."

"Philosophically speaking, that is correct, but I'd be dead
all the same."

"Death is a small price to pay to enter galactic history. We
are on a gourmet tour of the galaxy. So be a sport, and don't
spoil our fun," he said.

"Well, that's exactly it. I don't want to spoil your fun.
You're, after all, my first guests from outer space. I'm old,
you see. Animals taste best when young. Preferably, before
puberty. You should eat a child. My species finds that
suckling pigs have the best tasting meat, so maybe you should
eat a baby instead of me. My meat is tough and gamey, and
fatty too."

"OK! Thanks for the tip, and keep up the good work on the net.
Nothing ever happened! All is One!" he said.

In two shakes of a lamb's tail they were gone.

Mothers, lockup your babies. Nothing is out to lunch!

Pete