Vol. 13, No. 4 The Fourteen Percenter July 2010
A publication for parents on the wrong side of the standard possession order.
– I see my child two days out of every fourteen; 14%. That's not enough. –
Recital
from the June 18 T.G.I.F., a weekly newspaper from the Red River region of Texas and Oklahoma
Fathers Day Acrostic – by Don Mathis
Fathers are fun - and serious too!
And you learn more from them than you do at school.
Think of all the good times you've had.
How would it be without your dad?
Everything would be harder with no mentor for growth.
Reflect on the man who loves you the most.
Soon will come the day for you to fill his shoes.
Do you think your dad would accept an excuse?
Always try your best, that's what he would say.
Yes, think of your dad on this Fathers Day!
Reprint from the June 17 Texoma Enterprise
In Honor of Father's Day, June 20, we have this tribute to a dad written by a frequent contributor.
Dad's Safe Journey
No matter where Dad was stationed during his 20 years in the Army, we would always visit my grandparents every summer and every Christmas.
In order for him to use the maximum amount of annual leave, Dad would visit headquarters at midnight to sign out.
My four brothers and I would be rustled from sleep for a ride to the office so `Sgt Mathis' could leave his signature – and then we would begin miles of night driving. Daddy loved traveling on `Blue Highways' – and I do too.
Camden, Arkansas, might be 84 miles from Texarkana (just a little ways from Louisiana). We would sing all the way. If we were living in Killeen or San Antonio, we would have hours of night driving.
Daddy knew the rules of the road. He would blink his head lights, letting the big truckers know it was safe to pull back in. Daddy would flash his tail lights to say, "Thank You," to a farmer who pulled onto the shoulder to let us pass.
The miles would fly by – the air rich with the aroma of coffee from a Thermos. The ember of Dad's Lucky Strike cigarette would glow as brightly as the lights on the dashboard – as luminescent as the dim lights of a distant city.
Us kids would doze and dream. And when we awoke, our dreams would become true – as Grandmother and Granddaddy would welcome us with kisses and hugs.
The values I assimilated during those trips remain with me today – economy, courtesy, and love for family.
Thank you, Dad, for the safe journey.
Don Mathis, Sherman, TX
Resources
The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US, the UK, and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond. Send your letters to fourteenpercenter@.... See http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/messages for other issues.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, Writes
Three Big Lies Women Believe About Divorced Dads. Do you know the truth?
Many children grow up as adults and find they are duped into believing negative things about one parent or another as a consequence of a divorce. Our society, legal system and gender biases all play a role in creating negative stereotypes connected to divorced women and men. Men are especially liable to some sweeping generalizations regarding post-divorce behaviors. Whether they are based on anecdotal stories passed among family members, popular movies or sensational celebrity headlines in recent years, men are often portrayed as the aggressors and winners when it comes to divorce. Here are some common mistruths that deserve clarity and further exploration.
1. The husband usually initiates the divorce. In today's culture women are finally free - both emotionally and economically - to take the reigns and ask for a divorce. They may feel unfulfilled or unappreciated in their marriage, emotionally or physically abused, exploited or disrespected. They may discover that their husband has been unfaithful - or they themselves may have entered into sexual affairs as an outlet for frustration or a variety of incompatibilities. Regardless of the cause, men are not the exclusive initiators of divorce and should not bear the blame as a gender. Often it is the husband who is the last to know that his wife wants out.
2. Most divorced fathers do not make their child support payments. While some fathers abuse their responsibilities in this regard - and the courts are filled with such cases - the majority of divorced Dads feel deeply concerned about the well-being of their children and want to support their families in every possible way. They also want to remain actively involved in their children's lives. Like Moms, Dads love their children and are hurt if the connections with them are cut off. This is especially painful if a vindictive mother is trying to get back at Dad through the kids. In these cases it's the children who are ultimately hurt the most. Another related untruth is that most fathers are far better off financially after a divorce. As in all things, it depends on the parties and circumstances involved.
3. Only rarely does a mother try to keep the father from seeing his children. Unfortunately this is more common than most people believe. In recent years the situation has been given a name and is finally being recognized as an injustice to children of divorce. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a problem initiated by both genders. However, more women use this emotional and psychological weapon against their former husbands because they can. What they don't understand is that they are deeply wounding their children through this alienation and ultimately, when the kids are grown, quite often they are resentful at the parent that created the separation. No good can come from this tactic for anyone in the family. Regardless of how angry and upset you might be at your ex, do not use the children as pawns or punishment to derive your own satisfaction.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The new ebook provides expert advice that helps parents create a unique personal family storybook with fill-in-the-blank templates. To learn more, visit: http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. For free articles, free ezine and other valuable resources visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Remember – Upcoming Events
The fourth annual recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month will take place in July throughout North America. See http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/learn-more-about-natl-child-centered-divorce-month to learn more.
Americas' Abused Children Need You! Come to The Capitol Live on Parents Day Week End. July 23-25. See http://www.officialdcrallyfest.com/
Fathers and Families, Inc., reports their child support challenge has been transferred to the Supreme Judicial Court! This means they believe the case is of public significance.
The link at http://call-for-papers.sas.upenn.edu/node/37177 is the call for papers for the First Annual Conference on Male Studies at Wagner College on Staten Island, New York: Wagner College will host the conference on October 1-2, 2010. Six themes representing several disciplines will be addressed by panels and individual presenters. Contact Miles Groth, PhD, mgroth@..., for more information.
Report from Professor Baskerville
My article, "The Dangerous Fruits of Sexual Politics," was published over the weekend in WorldNetDaily: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=170577. Excerpt:
'Homosexuality is only part of a larger politics of sex that already exercises highly authoritarian powers, and Christians are not the only ones to run afoul of it. Heterosexual fathers, who embody the hated "patriarchy," are subject now to a panoply of summary punishments, including incarceration without trial, simply for being fathers. This is exercised mostly through the divorce machinery, but it is spilling over to target both fathers and mothers in intact families.'
Also, a review by Stuart Cole of "Taken Into Custody" has just been published in Angie Media:
http://angiemedia.com/2010/06/18/cole-stuarts-review-of-baskervilles-taken-into-custody/. It is very perceptively written. For example:
'Baskerville takes the position that fathers far more than mothers are the early targets of state intrusion and control (i.e., having their children, assets, freedom, and even lives stripped from them) by the current system. Yet he's not a "woman-hater." In fact, he sees the real culprit as an increasingly voracious bureaucracy, including legislators and judges, who have provided irresistible incentives to mothers to initiate divorce proceedings as a first step in a process whereby the state — not mothers — takes control over the children, the family's assets, and eventually even the mothers. He identifies divorcing mothers as yet one more defrauded victim of the destroyed family.'
I would also like to call everyone's attention to a truly remarkable candidacy for Attorney General of Minnesota, Chris Barden, http://www.barden4ag.com/. The office of state attorney general in the US is filled with ambitious opportunitists anxious to climb to the office of governor by incarcerating innocent people. (There is a good article on this somewhere by John Gizzi of "Human Events".), and among their favorite targets are "deadbeat dads". Honest AG's like Cuccinelli in Virginia and now Barden in Minnesota are important. Chris is one of us and could make a big difference. Please support him.
Stephen Baskerville, sbaskerville@..., Author of "Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family"- http://www.stephenbaskerville.net/Book_Taken_Into_Custody.htm
Resources
Parental Alienation Awareness Day 2010 thanks everyone who participated in the annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day this past April 25th. A summary of the photos sent in from around the world can be seen on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfxDRoXl6_4
See http://www.nflgonline.org/ for information about the National Fatherhood Leaders Group.
There were many events held all over the United States, Canada, Europe and all over the globe! To read more about the events please visit http://www.paawarenessday.com/
The President's Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative is a partnership between the Administration for Children and Families, White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships, National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, fathers, mothers, family-serving organizations and other leaders from across the country to show support for the children in our communities. The goal of the President's Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative is to encourage individuals, especially fathers, to be involved in the lives of their children, and to be positive role models and mentors for other children in their lives and communities. See http://fatherhood.gov/initiative for more information.
Sarah Hurley sar.e.hurley@... offers links to some of her favorite pieces on The Good Men Project magazine: A Heavy Timepiece, Drinking (and Driving) With Dad, Soccer Dad, Dad Power, and Routine Heir. See http://goodmenproject.com/ for more.
Amyjlbaker@... writes about a conference October 2-3 in New York on the topic of parental alienation. Many notable professionals will be speaking at this conference. See http://www.cspas.ca/ for more information.. Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D. www.amyjlbaker.com
International Men's Day, November 19, calls for the people of the world to unite and celebrate 2010 with the theme, 'Our Children... Our Future'. The future of our children depends on positive male role models. See http://www.international-mens-day.com to learn more about 2010 International Men's Day and how you, your organization, or your city or state can participate.
Regarding Family, Marriage and Fatherhood – from http://www.mensenews.org/
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