Resources

 

The 14%er would be interested in hearing from NC Moms as well. Don, the 14%er. From http://blogs.myspace..com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=107088672&blogId=488739331 

National Women's Magazine Looking for Non-Custodial Moms. I'm an editor at a national women's magazine. I'm doing a piece on non-custodial moms, women who chose to give up custody. The goal is to debunk certain myths and stereotypes of such moms. I'm looking to speak with women in their 20s, 30s, 40s who gave up custody because 1) they decided the father could provide a better living situation; 2) they wanted to pursue a career or some other life's work; 3) it was the best outcome for the children at the time.

It's OK if you gave up custody, and then later sought to regain custody.  Please email or call me.  This is a delicate subject, I know. I am approaching it with the sensitivity it warrants.
Lea Goldman, 212-841-8450, lgoldman@...

 

The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US, the UK, and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond. Send your letters to fourteenpercenter@.... See http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/messages for other issues.

 

Readers Write

Dear Don,

I wanted to let you know about a recent development concerning someone we both admire, Judge David Hanschen. As you know, he's made many headlines, including this Dallas Observer story http://www.dallasobserver.com/2008-04-03/news/family-court-judge-sheds-light-on-unfair-child-support-practices-in-texas/ for his fathers' rights and DNA testing. There is an update this week on the observer blog.

This week the media is ablaze with this story http://pdfserver.amlaw.com/tx/weatherspoon.pdf and http://www.examiner.com/x-5845-Single-Parenting-Examiner~y2009m5d25-Whistleblower-claims-Texas-unfairly-targeted-judges-who-defend-fathers-rights.

David is a good friend and I am thinking about how to support his next campaign - he's running for the 254th in Dallas County and if successful will take another shot at the 5th District Court of Appeals in the 2012 elections. Like last time he will appear on Grayson County ballots. We sure need some good judges in place!

I thought about you since you live in the county, are a single dad and have contacts. Will you brainstorm with me? Raising money, posting signs, getting more dads involved, the Democrats. What do you think?
Cheers! Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Thanks for your missive about Judge Hanschen. I am familiar with his work and said so in a letter at http://www.dallasobserver.com/2008-04-17/news/you-said-it .

I'm familiar also with the links you sent. I've had several letters published in support of candidates or House Bills. I will certainly pen one for the good judge. I've added his name on google.news alerts and am sharpening my pencil now. Thanks again for the heads-up!
Don, the 14%er
 

 

Dear Don,

I work with a man who is going through a terrible divorce and is trying to get custody of his kids. While he was talking to me about the emotions and legal problems of his situation I thought of you and your fight over the years.

Do you have a website that my friend could visit or maybe a support group that you could suggest for him here in San Antonio? I know you are up in Dallas now but you came to mind while I was talking with my friend.. Do you have any suggestions for him?

Thanks for anything and everything you might be able to offer.
Darrell

Dear Darrell,

It's good to hear from you. Hope you are well, but...

I'm sorry your friend is going through so much pain. It is so strange how the poison that weakens one person will cause another to become stronger. When I found out my former wife was living with another man, it helped me to let go of her. I still struggle in letting go of my son. First, third, and fifth weekends are not enough.

If your friend has the resources, perhaps you could urge him to offer to pay Child Support (CS) year round but have 50/50 shared custody. I know, it's not fair or just - but for the State (and many women), it's all about the money.

For every order of CS, the TX Attorney General gets a handout from Federal taxpayers. And the bigger the CS order, the bigger kickback the AG gets. The whole CS Industry is sort of an incentive to destroy families. As your friend gets stronger, perhaps he will join the struggle to change this boondoggle of a bureaucracy. For now...

Urge him to be there 100% for his child - even if he only gets to see his kid 14% of his life. As Abraham was once to sacrifice Isaac, today's NonCustodial Parent (NCP) must sacrifice his time for his offspring.

I work a job that pays less that what I'm qualified to earn - but it allows me to take off early on Wednesday and every other Friday to pick up my son from school. And I often eat lunch with him at school. When my ex moved him 350 miles away from my San Antonio home, I pulled up roots and followed him.

Such are the sacrifices of a NCP. But our children are worth it!

The Texas Fathers for Equal Rights used to be active in San Antonio. This venue was mostly an opportunity for the club lawyer to drum up business and allow men to vent anger and frustration. It was more of a Reality Check than a Support Group. Contact the San Antonio Texas Fathers for Equal Rights Wives & Grandparents Coalition (210-354-3237 or 512-337-6803).

Other resources are The Children's Rights Coalition (512-673-3316), American Coalition of Fathers & Children San Antonio (210-366-1671), or check the local churches for a Divorce Recovery Support Group.

One of the best was a group in Seguin, Texas, that used the book, "Rebuilding - When Your Relationship Ends" - http://www.rebuilding.com/ .

Please see the index http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/messages of my newsletter for NCPs. You are welcome to ask your friend to contact me for more ideas and discussion.

In brotherhood for fatherhood,
Don Mathis, the 14%er

 

 

Rebuttal

This letter was sent to The Facts, the newspaper of Brazoria County, Texas, regarding their May 13 editorial.

 

Dear Editor,

The headline read, "AG sounds drumbeat over deadbeats." My high-school son recently learned of the propaganda techniques used to sway public opinion without resorting to facts. Name-calling is one of them. 

Publicizing a list of parents' names to shame them goes against the teachings of every major religion. We should keep in mind that we are supposed to honor mothers and fathers, not hold them up for public ridicule. 

The article said the Attorney General Child Support Division recovered $2.6 million in payments. If a big department store said they 'recovered' $2.6 million, one might think they collected that much in bad debts, not in sales. Actually, the AG may have collected that much but most of it was paid in full and on time by decent, loving dads. 

Even in the AG's own words (http://www.oag.state.tx..us/agency/weeklyag/2008/0808back2school.pdf), "most parents pay their court-ordered child support every month." 

And surely the AG can find a better 'poster boy' for his number one 'dead broke' dad than Jimmie McCullough. The AG website (http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/evaders/evader_detail.php?id=194) identifies Mr. McCullough as a 'general laborer.' I don't know any general laborers who could possibly pay $133,866.

AG Greg Abbott trots then trots out his prize 'poster boy,' Troy Neel. I am concerned Mr. Abbott is in danger of spraining his arm - by patting himself on the back. The downside of this publicity is that it shows how far out of whack the Child Support Industry has become.                          

Even of one assumes Mr. Neel never paid a dollar in child support for two kids (which is not the case), $700,000 is the poverty level for a family of 18 for 18 years! Now, I do not expect the Neal children to live according to the 2009 Federal Poverty Guidelines, but isn't the mother supposed to contribute something?

"This is the most egregious child support evader in Texas history," Abbott said. Abbott is careful not to mention the child support that Neel did pay. Back before he was denied access to his kids by his vindictive ex-wife, he paid more child support every month than most of us will ever earn.

Just because some uncaring judge orders some unrealistic amount for some alienating mother, doesn't mean it is just or fair or right.

I do not think the Neel children are victims; I bet they never went to bed hungry. And I bet Jimmie McCullough is every bit as poor and destitute as the mother of his kids. The only difference is that the custodial mother has a variety of State services to help her and the noncustodial dad has just as many State services - and the media - out to demonize him.

Abbott and his office deserve nothing for trying to take credit for the money paid by decent loving dads. The AG deserves blame for trying to make-believe most child support recipients are destitute. They are not! 

It is time to dismantle the Child Support Industry. The AG and his office receive millions in federal tax-payers' dollars for their success in making money from children of divorce. Then local counties incur the debt to incarcerate poor men jailed for their inability to pay. This profiteering should stop! More than money, children need both parents.
Don Mathis, the 14%er

 

Review of 'Father Films'

Watch a Video with your Kideo this Fathers Day

(Stars indicate Leonard Maltin's quality, four being the best)

Stepmom (1998, **) - Divorced dad's new wife must deal her inexperience in rearing kids - and with 'gate-keeper' ex - as Mom succumbs to terminal illness. Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, Ed Harris, Jena Malone, Liam Aiken, and Jason Maves give good performances in this cinema of clichés..

 

Krippendorf's Tribe (1998, **) - After spending his research grant on family, widowed professor (Richard Dreyfuss) engages his young children in a scam to pull one over on the university.

 

Kotch (1971, ***) - Old-and-in-the-way Walter Matthau is abandoned by his family of destiny.. He finds new life in becoming the father figure for unwed mom.

 

I Ought to be in Pictures (1982, **) – In this film, Matthau abandoned his daughter at age three. Now she's 19 and wants her dad's attention – and help in getting started in her film career.

 

Harry and Son (1984, **) - The late Paul Newman explores the growth that comes to a father and his adult son. Dad, laid-off due to illness, gains introspection and compassion from kid, searching for a livelihood.

 

The Son's Room (2001, ***) - Psychoanalyst father must deal with the death of his son while continuing his role as pillar of strength. Italian filmmaker Nanni Moretti follows this family through this personal tragedy.

 

Corrina, Corrina (1994, ***) - Young widower gets more than he bargained for in housekeeper (Whoopi Goldberg).

 

Billy Elliot (2000, ***1/2) - Motherless miner's son grows up wanting to dance ballet. Billy's dad struggles to maintain dignity through economic hard times and single parenting in this film by British director, Stephen Daldry.

 

Marvin's Room (1996, ***1/2) - Estranged sisters must care for stroke-ridden father. Meryl Streep, Leonardo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, and Robert De Niro all perform magnificently in this powerful film about the years that separate a family and the moments that bring them together.

 

Clean (2004, **1/2) - Nick Nolte is the father of a drug-overdosed rock star who must deal with the unfit mother of his grandchild. Noncustodial parents can relate to the trials of Maggie Cheung in this French film.

 

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989, ***) - Best of the Chevy Chase `Vacation' movies. Griswold family puts the fun in dysfunction as anything that can go wrong, will.

 

My Father the Hero (1994, ***) - Gerard Depardieu recreates his role in the 1991 French film, Mon Pere, ce Heros. Lengthy distance between dad and daughter creates conflict. The 14-year-old girl's penchant for stretching the truth adds to the mix.