Resources

            The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US , the UK , and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond. Send your letters to fourteenpercenter@.... See http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/messages for other issues.

            The Fourteen Percenter was interviewed live at http://www.dadsdivorce.com/blog/dadsdivorce-live-the-fourteen-percenter-a-resource-for-non-custodial-parents.html. Check http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ often for new articles.

            Most parents understand that their influence is important for their children, which is why so many parents spend time reading and thinking about parenting. Most of the research and news about parenting focuses on the importance of a stable family for children, but new studies have focused on the role Dad plays in his teenage daughter's life. See http://communicationhelper.blogspot.com/2009/10/importance-for-dad-of-teen-girls.html to read more.

            Alec Baldwin (author of "A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey through Fatherhood and Divorce") has a blog. Read it at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/a-letter-from-a-reader-of_b_322777.html

            It's time to share the wisdom of men with all who support the work we do to be better men, husbands, fathers and leaders. We want to hear from our community of Better Men and from those who care about them. We'll post contributions submitted to us on all topics masculine. Email comments to wayne@... or post at http://bettermenblog.wordpress.com/2009/10/01/let-the-blog-begin/.  

            "Child Adjustment in Joint-Custody Versus Sole-Custody Arrangements: A Meta-Analytic Review" should be required reading. Keep http://www.apa.org/journals/releases/fam16191.pdf in your files - just in case. 

            Reviews continue to accumulate for Barbara Johnson's book, " Behind the Black Robes: Failed Justice." Jeff Golden writes, "Barbara Johnson reinforces Massachusetts ' reputation as the state with the most anti-father and anti-male biased judiciary..." Paul Clements tells us, "She takes us into the court room, and explains clearly just how the corruption works, and how the judges are able to get away with their abuses of authority." Mark Cimini says, "Her book chronicles the lies, abuses, and hypocrisy which characterize modern judicial proceedings." Buy it at http://www.amazon.com/Behind-Black-Robes-Failed-Justice/dp/1439241155.  

            Visit http://www.bluepoolimaging.com/Amberell/campaign.html to catch up with the Fathers 4 Justice campaign - courtesy of Dave Ellison, mad-dogs@....
            Tell us your views on dads and the future. Join the Big Fatherhood Debate at http://www.bigfatherhooddebate.com/. The Fatherhood Institute is the UK 's fatherhood think tank. Visit http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/ to find out more. 

            Khepri Rising is looking for submissions from fathers for a new project, "The Numbers within the Court-Centration Camp System." He envisions a series of factual stories with a diversity of viewpoints by men who have gone through the Family Court Nightmare. Send your two-page manuscript to LAOTZU@...

            International Men's Day is November 19. Learn more about it from Diane Sears, editor of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD(R) at http://www.zimbio.com/IN+SEARCH+OF+FATHERHOOD/articles/16/MEN+INTERNATIONAL+MEN+DAY+IMPORTANT+SEARS  

            IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® celebrates 10 years of publication. This quarterly international male parenting journal, launched October 15, 1999, facilitates a Global Dialogue on Fatherhood. See http://globalfatherhooddialogue.blogspot.com for a preview of an upcoming issue. 

 

 

Reprints

 

The Abilene, Texas, Reporter-News ran this letter at http://www.reporter news.com/ news/2009/ oct/01/the- pros-and- cons-of-divorce/ on October 2 and http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/oct/05/the-other-side-of-marriage/ on October 5 regarding " Taylor County divorce rate jumps this decade" http://www.reporter news.com/ news/2009/ sep/25/taylor- county-divorce- rate-jumps- decade/  

 

The pros and cons of divorce

            Steve Queen, director of the First Baptist Church's Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment, said he wished the state of Texas allowed for "legal separations," allowing those in struggling marriages to sometimes separate, get child support through a court order, and attempt to work things out in the interim.

            I think Steve Queen needs to get a reality check. While I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, he should know that if Texas removed the incentive to divorce, more marriages would be saved.

            And what is the incentive to divorce, you may ask? Consider: In more than 90 percent of custody cases, women are ordered to have the primary relationship with the child. These same women are "awarded" child support payments equal to 20 percent of the dad's income. Oh, yeah, they get to have the tax deduction as well.

            Did I mention the dad pays taxes on his child support before he sends it? The mom gets the money tax free. Add to this the value of the health insurance on the child that divorced dads are routinely ordered to pay. And there are other incentives to divorce that benefit mothers.

            Mr. Queen need not go through the sausage grinder that is divorce court to learn about justice and equality, about compassion and fairness. I believe God hates divorce because it is so painful on his children. It is painful on our children as well.

            If 50/50 shared custody was the norm (not the Solomon kind - 50/50 of time) - and no one paid child support to anyone, the incentive to divorce would be removed and more marriages would be saved. And even if a couple were to divorce, children would benefit from having equal access to both parents.

Don Mathis, Sherman

           

The Other Side of Marriage

            Christian leaders seem to be asking themselves for answers on the steady erosion of institutional marriage. Steve Queen, director of First Baptist Church's Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment, said he wished the state of Texas allowed for "legal separations," allowing those in struggling marriages to sometimes separate, get child support through a court order and attempt to work things out in the interim.

            It amazes me how little the clergy and congregants seem to know about the other side of marriage, e.g. divorce and custody. The wife-mother most often files for divorce. Federal and Texas Constitutions profess equal protections, yet few know children from 79.2 percent of failed marriages wind up in residence with the mother. Such arrangements and numbers suggest discrimination, co-modification of the child, and a hidden existence of a "child support industry" against the subject children and their fathers.

            State imposition of monetary child support carries a federal financial kickback, e.g. a reward to State for every warm-bodied father State drags in. State gets no monetary incentive for assuring a child enjoys equality of access for each and both parents.

            Additionally, the federal IRS tax option gives mother sole discretion on who gets the income deduction for a child, and child support moneys come tax-free to her.

            No, a "waiting period with child support" will not save marriage. Removal of financial incentives embedded in the Texas Family Code for mothers, and also for the Texas Attorney General, along with equality of 50/50 parenting, will do wonders for the health of everyone, integrity of government and quite possibly save a few more marriages.

Robert Gartner, Houston

 

 

"The Good Divorce" appeared in the Toronto Star October 4, 2009. These two letters were published in the October 10 issue. See http://www.thestar.com/comment/article/707714 and http://www.thestar.com/comment/article/707705 for other background.

Breaking up: Family courts in crisis

 

            The kids in "The Good Divorce" (Oct. 4) are obviously misguided. Somebody must tell the Margison children that they are actually dissatisfied with shared parenting.

            Mother-only households are superior despite the fact that practically all studies show children need both parents.

            After all, as Pamela Cross, director of the National Association of Women and the Law, says, "Entrenching the notion of shared parenting in law is dangerous."

            We should only listen to lawyers and others who have a financial interest in removing children from decent loving dads.

            I hope readers can discern my sarcasm here. To think kids need only one parent smacks of outright prejudice.

            If I could, I would vote for Bill C-422, which calls for equal parenting provisions in cases of family breakdown. And I believe, if children of divorce could, they would vote for equal parenting as well.

Don Mathis, Sherman , Texas

 

            The state of New Hampshire created several committees and commissions to study shared custody, among other issues. There was a Task Force on the Family, A Task Force on Family Law, A Commission on Child Support and Custody Issues, and the United States' first Commission on the Status of Men. All of those groups weighed in heavily on the side of shared custody. As did a 1984 study done by the National Probate Judges College , and a great many respected, objective academics.

            The state's Supreme Court convened a "Citizens Commission" to study court issues, and the public input was overwhelming in its disdain for the status quo of sole maternal custody. A variety of studies have clearly shown that when sole maternal custody is the rule, it is to the extreme detriment of children and society. In the words of the Probate Judge's College report, "Shared custody is in the best interests of the child, the parents, the courts, and society in general. So why isn't shared custody the rule, instead of the exception?

            Because the courts, states and provinces profit from child support collection. And feminists profit politically from disenfranchising fathers. Furthermore, the domestic violence industry usually weighs in on custody decisions, to further demonize fathers, entitle women, and hype the numbers for their profit. In effect, they are prostituting children for 30 pieces of silver.

Paul Clements, Dads Against Divorce Discrimination, Gaffney , SC

 

 

"Ease pain of divorce" was a column in the September 24, 2009, Wollongong and Northern Leader, a publication in Australia . The letters below appeared September 30.

Divorced dads cry foul over child support

 

            Thank you for the article Ease Pain of Divorce. Having been through the process myself for the past six years, the article rings true. The Shared Care principle was a move in the right direction, but introduced too late for my children, who have been abused by solicitors and the legal system; the system needs to exclude solicitors totally from the custody question.
            Lawyers direct custodial parents to isolate the children from the non-custodial parent so as to increase the property settlement and this increase their fees as the children become the hostages held for ransom; settlement and child maintenance.

            It is common practice among solicitors and some are noted for this vile action.
Keith Lopuszynski. Oak Flats

            The new "fairer" Child Support system is a disgrace. Non-custodial parents whose children choose not to stay over should not be financially disadvantaged. I see my child for two of my three days off, but because I work a rotating roster my days off, are usually weekdays, not weekends, and my child chooses not to stay.
            This means less hours of contact (disadvantaged), more driving around, more cost in fuel (further disadvantaged). Yet the CSA stipulates that I have zero percent care of my child and as a result I pay an extra $300 per month in child support. How is that fair?
            Try paying a mortgage, entertain and feed a 14-year old, pay almost $900 per month in child support for one child and have a lifestyle. Yeah right!
Garry Best. Central Coast

            My ex received a $13,000-a-year pay rise and I had my child support reduced by a mere $10 a week. She now earns almost what I do because she took my child 5000 km away to WA, and I very rarely get to see her. I still have to pay over $600 a month - where is the fairness in that?
Allan Crouch. Lugarno

            I have not seen my three kids in eight years because of losing my two homes in the divorce over property rights. As a result I had to move interstate to get a roof over my head with my then ill mother. I have been in a cycle of unemployment and extreme financial hardship ever since, including long-term depression. I now cost the tax payer a fortune to support. The problem is unfixable.
Kimbal Summers. Noosa, Qld.

            Things are the same the world over. It is time for the US and Australia to demand an end to the discrimination against dads.
Don Mathis. Texas , USA .

 

 

Read http://www.think-fathers.org/ - then write to champions@...

            I am Don Mathis, editor of the Fourteen Percenter, a newsletter for noncustodial parents. My publication strives to stress the importance of both parents in the lives of their children. The divorced father/child bond is in danger of destruction in most custody cases.

            A big challenge to divorced dads is parental alienation. It may be subtle, as when Mom orders the child to clean his room whenever Dad calls. Or it may be more direct, as when Mom moves the child hundreds of miles away. Not just vindictive ex-wives are the culprit here. Uncaring judges kick the dad to the curb in almost every divorce case. Schools, too, have no policy to include divorced dads in the lives of their children. Some school administrators are, in fact, downright hostile to the noncustodial parent.

            I would like the Think Fathers campaign to think about these things. I see the need to promote public understanding and debate about fatherhood. Everyone must support every father's positive involvement in their children's lives.             Employers must also develop father-inclusive approaches at work. Flexible working and leave arrangements for both men and women would take account of fathers' roles in bringing up children. 

            Society must design and initiate 'father-friendly' procedures. This would transform children's, family and health services, maternity services, pre-schools/nurseries and schools into services which engage fathers' involvement. Every institution needs to support father-child and parental relationships.

            I will continue to stress the importance of both parents in the lives of their children. I will speak out against gender prejudice and injustice to individuals via letters to editors of periodicals and to my lawmakers. I will help spread the word about the Think Fathers campaign in the pages of my newsletter. Thank you for your encouragement in the Big Fatherhood Debate. 

            I remain, with you, in brotherhood for fatherhood, Don Mathis, Editor, The Fourteen Percenter