Perfectionists – Secure in God's Love

MUM-e-Mail

To equip and encourage
mothers of preschoolers and their supporters

April 2009

Mother Maxim

"She did what she could".  Relax – God still loves you.

 

Mother Moment – Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the curse of motherhood. And so is shame. Perfectionism brings shame and rejection when dreams and expectations are not met. Shame comes when we realise that we are not perfect.

Performance or maintaining an image of wonderfulness is a by-product of shame, that Satan likes to dump on you. But self-effort isn't going to fix the situation. "Work harder" only wears you out and it doesn't keep you well-connected in relationships.

Perfectionism can paralyse you because you think: "If I can't do this perfectly, then I won't do this at all". This can stymie women (yes, even MOPS mums) when offered leadership roles.

The good news is that both perfectionism and shame are choices in that they are learned behaviours. They can also be unlearned and new behaviours learned.

You don't need to perform – and you don't even need others' approval or acceptance, because God loves you anyway. Incredibly. Immensely. Learn this to your core, to the depths of your being.

Yes, God loves you – and you don't have to have a tidy house.
God loves you – and you don't have to have the cleanest, expensively dressed children.
God loves you – no matter what state your marriage is in.

You are made perfect and complete in Him – nothing you need to do except accept God's huge love for you.

Your identity (turangawaewae), your confidence, your joy .. is found in Him.

 

Mother's Heart

I need your help, Lord, to let go of perfectionism, `working harder' - and shame.
Help me to embrace the idea : "She did what she could".

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Mentor Mum Moment

Are you a perfectionist?  Here are some questions to help you determine whether you have perfectionist tendencies.

·         Are you quicker to dwell on your failures rather than your successes?

·         Do you believe that if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well?

·         Do you have trouble determining the difference between what's important and what isn't?

·         Do you fear the possibility of failure?

·         Is getting a C+ okay? Do you need to get A's?

·         Does it bother you to put a stamp on an envelope crooked?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you're probably a perfectionist.

Here is a prescription for relief:

·         Realise that some things aren't worth the time or energy, or that they take away from other things that are higher priorities.

·         Try setting a reasonable amount of time to accomplish a task and then make yourself stick to your deadline.

·         Give yourself permission to say what's important, and change how you spend yourself in your mothering.

·         Lower your standards.

·         Put a stamp on an envelope crooked!

Many mums struggle with perfectionism. If you've diagnosed yourself with this ailment, make it a point to follow the prescription for a cure. You'll be glad you did and so will your family!

-         inspired by MUMSense Radio transcript

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Mum's e-Mail

"I am so enjoying what you're writing in MUM-e-Mail this year. Thank you." – MOPS mum, NZ

MOPS Link

Bringing Chores Down To Size -  Discover what little helpers can do – and what helping does for little helpers

 

Secure in God's love,

Johanna (a recovering perfectionist)

MUM-e-Mail editor
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