I posted the following review on Saturday, but it never appeared. I
posted it again yesterday, but it still hasn't appeared. Apparently
Amazon is taking down recent one star reviews of this book while
letting the five star reviews remain.


Title: "Crazy-making Tips For Parents" (or) "Mommie Dearest II - The
Sequel"

Review: In Lisa Whelchel's parenting advice book, "Creative
Correction," we get a glimpse of the childhoods of her three children
through their mother's eyes. One wonders which of her offspring will
write the tell-all book of the 2020's detailing the other side of the
story - through the child's eyes?

In the Whelchel household, big people can hit little people (although
Whelchel insists on using the euphemism "spanking" rather than
admitting the plain fact that she does indeed physically hit her
children). She even forces her children to recite little rote
memorized prayers thanking God for blessing them a Mommy who spanks.
(p. 265) But one gets the distinct impression that in the Whelchel
household, spankings are designed to meet Mommy's needs and serve
Mommy's convenience, not the child's; a good example on page 287 has
Whelchel's daughter coming downstairs after her bedtime to complain of
pains in her legs. But Lisa Whelchel's immediate response is simply to
threaten her with a spanking for being out of bed.

But while big people can hit little people, little people, despite the
violent behavior modeled to them by their elders, may not hit each
other. When they do, Whelchel recommends forcing the hitter to wear
boxing gloves the entire day without taking them off. When the child
has difficulty performing routine tasks such as brushing teeth or
eating, Whelchel exhorts her readers to further humiliate the child by
making a home video of the spectacle. (p. 206)

With all the crazy-making mind games which the author plays with her
children it comes as no surprise that her children fight with each
other a lot. They can't take out their frustrations on Mrs. Whelchel,
of course, but they can certainly take them out on each other.
However, the author has more ways of dealing with sibling conflict
than just the boxing glove video camera approach. She recommends
handcuffing quarreling children to each other (p. 203) or binding
their legs together as if in preparation for a three-legged race (p.
209) or forcing them to yell "I love you" to each other 20 times, or
commanding them to hug one another regardless of how they are actually
feeling at that moment (p. 203). These sorts of techniques do nothing
to resolve underlying conflicts or addess their causes. They are
merely methods for driving conflict further underground where it
becomes less noticable and hence less annoying for Lisa Whelchel.

In this book, Whelchel takes control-obsessed, punitive parenting to a
whole new level. She warns her readers against allowing children any
real autonomy at all:
"When we allow our children to determine the outcome of a situation,
even subtly, it weakens their trust in us." (p. 22)
Eventually her children will grow up and will need to function as
autonomous adults. When will they obtain practice determining the
outcomes of their own life situations, as opposed to practice
instantly obeying Mommy, no matter how bizarre and irrational her demands?

Whelchel advises readers to give their children ridiculous commands in
public which they must instantly obey without asking any questions,
while refusing them permission when they make requests which Whelchel
herself admits are perfectly legitimate. She writes: "As we walk along
together shopping, I will suddenly give them silly commands that they
must obey without arguing, such as 'Walk backward,' or 'Stop and touch
your toes,' or 'Give me a kiss.' Occasionally I'll throw in a real
command, like 'Don't touch that,' or `No, you may not have an Icee.'
My favorite curve, however, is to say no to some reasonable request,
like 'May I go to the bathroom?'" (p. 138)

Whelchel's "favorite curve?!?" Her baseball metaphor evokes a 'curve
ball,' thrown by the pitcher in an attempt to make the batter fail to
hit the ball. This is an excellent technique if you wish the person to
whom you threw your curve ball to 'strike out,' i.e. to fail, to lose.
But why would any sane parent wish to throw repeated metaphorical
curve balls at her own children, especially out of the blue, in public
places, for no reason in particular?

The answer is quite simple. Whelchel wrote this book for parents who
view their children as an opposing team to be defeated. Such parents
will likely deem this book a fount of wisdom and may even rush to
Amazon.com to write glowing reviews of it.

But childrearing does not require a series of contests, each
concluding with a winner and a loser. It is possible, and preferable,
to have a family in which everybody "wins."

For more on win/win approaches to child discipline, read "Parent
Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon. Leave Whelchel's book alone,
except perhaps as a preface to the as-yet-unwritten "Mommy Dearest II"
memoir which one or more of her grown children may eventually write
once they have safely grown up and escaped her reach. Hopefully
writing it will assist in their long, difficult journey of recovery
from having been raised with the methods outlined in this book.

Chris