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#30 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Thu Feb 27, 2003 5:20 am
Subject: I always wondered.... ramrajah@...
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Subject: Fw: I always wondered....

Now Ladies please do not take Offense.........

This one is FUNNY......

Thanks Denise for sharing

Rambo

Do you know.

What happens...

at..

night...

on...

your....

desk....

after....

having...

shut down........

the.....

computer......

?

?

?
!!

____________________________________________________

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#29 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Wed Feb 26, 2003 11:04 pm
Subject: A Letter From Terry Jones , Monty python ramrajah@...
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Hey I know politics , religion and jokes are not welcome in IIT Global group.I know this because I set the rules. However I cannot but forward this master piece.

Enjoy, but do not condemn me for posting this PLEASE.

Ramboaus

..............................................................................

A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python).

Sunday 26 January 2003

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.

Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.

I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while
Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.

Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already liminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

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#28 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Tue Feb 25, 2003 7:57 am
Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? ramrajah@...
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This one is a classic and had to be shared with all IIT Global members.

Hope you enjoy this.

Ramboaus

...................................................................

Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

>
> > WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
> >
> > GEORGE W. BUSH :
> > We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
> > road. We just want to
> > know if the chicken is on our side of the road or
> > not. The chicken is
> > either with us or it is against us. There is no
> > middle ground here.
> >
> > AL GORE:
> > I invented the chicken. I invented the road.
> > Therefore, the chicken
> > crossing the road represented the application of
> > these two different
> > functions of government in a new, reinvented way
> > designed to bring
> > greater services to the American people.
> >
> > RALPH NADER:
> > The chicken's habitat on the original side of the
> > road had been polluted
> > by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did
> > not reach the
> > unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because
> > it was crushed by
> > the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
> >
> > PAT BUCHANAN:
> > To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
> >
> > RUSH LIMBAUGH:
> > I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but
> > I'll bet it was
> > getting a government grant to cross the road, and
> > I'll bet someone out
> > there is already forming a support group to help
> > chickens with
> > crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?
> > How much more of this
> > can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road
> > paid for by their
> > tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking
> > about your money,
> > money the government took from you to build roads
> > for chickens to cross.
> >
> > JERRY FALWELL:
> > Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious?
> > Can't you people see the
> > plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
> > going to the "other
> > side." That's what they call it -- the other side.
> > Yes, my friends, that
> > chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you
> > will become gay too. I
> > say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
> > this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
> > with seemingly
> > harmless phrases like "the other side."
> >
> > DR. SEUSS
> > Did the chicken cross the road?
> > Did he cross it with a toad?
> > Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
> > But why it crossed, I've not been told!
> >
> > ERNEST HEMINGWAY
> > To die. In the rain. Alone.
> >
> > MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
> > I envision a world where all chickens will be free
> > to cross roads
> > without having their motives called into question.
> >
> > GRANDPA
> > In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
> > road. Someone told
> > us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was
> > good enough for us.
> >
> > BARBARA WALTERS
> > Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
> > listening to the
> > chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
> > story of how it
> > experienced a serious case of molting and went on to
> > accomplish its
> > life-long dream of crossing the road.
> >
> > JOHN LENNON :
> > Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
> >
> > ARISTOTLE
> > It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
> >
> > KARL MARX
> > It was a historical inevitability.
> >
> > SADDAM HUSSEIN
> > This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
> > quite justified in
> > dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
> >
> > VOLTAIRE
> > I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I
> > will defend to the
> > death its right to do it.
> >
> > CAPTAIN KIRK
> > To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
> >
> > FOX MULDER
> > You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How
> > many more chickens
> > have to cross before you believe it?
> >
> > SIGMUND FREUD
> > The fact that you are at all concerned that the
> > chicken crossed the road
> > reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
> >
> > BILL GATES
> > I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not
> > only cross roads, but
> > will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
> > balance your checkbook
> > - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
> > eChicken.
> >
> > MARTHA STEWART
> > No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
> > going. I had a
> > standing order at the farmer's market to sell my
> > eggs when the price
> > dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me
> > any insider
> > information.

> > ALBERT EINSTEIN
> > Did the chicken really cross the road or did the
> > road move beneath the
> > chicken?
> >
> > BILL CLINTON
> > I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
> > you mean by chicken?
> > Could you define chicken, please?
> >
> > THE BIBLE
> > And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
> > the chicken, "Thou
> > shall cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
> > road, and there was
> > much rejoicing.
> >
> > COLONEL SANDERS
> > You mean I missed one?
> >
>

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#27 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 24, 2003 10:56 pm
Subject: Bush on Tour. ramrajah@...
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> Subject: FW: Bush on Tour.
>
>
> During a propaganda tour, president Bush visits a school to explain his
> politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby
> stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 3 questions:"
>
> 1. How come, although the count of votes was not in your favour, you
> still won the election?
> 2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
> 3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest
> terrorist attack of all times?
>
> Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids
> leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask
> questions.
>
> Joey stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 5 questions:"
>
> 1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favour, you
> still won the election?
> 2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
> 3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest
> terrorist attack of all times?
> 4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
> 5. Where's Bobby?
>

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#26 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 24, 2003 4:23 am
Subject: Pravs-mantra-9 ramrajah@...
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#25 From: "Rambo" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 24, 2003 4:17 am
Subject: Bush movies.. ramrajah@...
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Bush Movies soon to be released.

Rambo

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#24 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 3:12 pm
Subject: TO ALL MY FRIENDS! ramrajah@...
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-----Make sure you read until the last line...

I've learned....
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of

an elderly person.

I've learned....
That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned....
That just one person saying to me,

"You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned....
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one

of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned....
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....
That you should never say "no" to a gift from a child.

I've learned....
That I can always pray for someone when I don't

have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned....
That no matter how serious your life requires you

to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to

hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned....
That simple walks with my father around the block

on summer nights when I was a child did wonders

for me as an adult.

I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it

gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....
That we should be glad God doesn't give us

everything we ask for.

I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....
That it's those small daily happenings that make

life so spectacular.

I've learned...
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who

wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned....
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes

me think I can?

I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone,

you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person

is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted

with a smile.

I've learned....
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with

your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned....
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will

take the ones you miss.

I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will

dock elsewhere.

I've learned....
That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him

one more time before he passed away.

I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender,

because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned....
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what

I do about it.

I've learned....
That when your newly born child holds your little finger

in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but

all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ...
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances;

when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things

I get done.

To all of you... Make sure you read all the way down to

the last sentence. It's National Friendship Week. Show

your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone

you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it

back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back

to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!

YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!

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#23 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:25 pm
Subject: Mum told me it was a health drink.... ramrajah@...
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Subject: Mum told me it was a health drink....


            But ....mum told me it was a health drink....

Note : This one is for cricket fans and those who know Shane Warne and his
current predicament.......
>
>

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#22 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:28 pm
Subject: The boy in the closet ramrajah@...
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Thanks Denise,

Did you get to see your DOC again ??

Ram

...................................................

Subject: The boy in the closet

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home from school unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is."
    Boy - "I have a baseball."
    Man - "That's nice."
    Boy - "Want to buy it?"
    Man - "No, thanks."
    Boy - "My dad's outside."
    Man - "OK, how much?"
    Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy- "Dark in here."
    Man - "Yes, it is."
    Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
    Boy - "$750"
    Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
"I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove" the boy replied.
His father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
"$1,000" he answered. His father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

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#21 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 5:39 am
Subject: More on Children from Gopal ramrajah@...
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From: "Gopalakrishnan V

Subject: Re: Children

  While on the subject of CHILDREN, I thought I will share with
the group  Kahlil Gibran's sayings on the subject. If you have
heard it before, pardon  me:
Here it goes:-

  Kahlil Gibran  On Children

  And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of
  Children."

  And he said:

  Your children are not your children.
  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
  They come through you but not from you,
  And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
  You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
  For they have their own thoughts.
  You may house their bodies but not their souls,
  For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
  You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
  For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
  You are the bows from which your children as living
arrows are sent forth.
  The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with  His might that His arrows may
go swift and far.  Let your bending in the archer's hand
be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is  stable.

  Gopalakrishnan

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#20 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 3:20 pm
Subject: Dog Diary VS Cat Diary ramrajah@...
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Subject: Dog Diary/Cat Diary

Excerpts from a dog's diary

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Excepts from a cat's diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre

little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,

while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that

keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild

satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of

furniture.Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by

weaving around their feetwhile they were walking

almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the

stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these

vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to

vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on

their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them

the headless body, in attempt to make them aware

of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into

their hearts. They only cooed and condescended

about what a good little cat I was

.....Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.

For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.

This time however it included a burning foamy

chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could

invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece

of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of

their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout

the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell

the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer."

More importantly I overheard that my confinement

was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what

this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are

flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely

released and seems more than happy to return.

He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand

has got to be an informant, and speaks with them

regularly. I am certain he reports my every move.

Due to his current placement in the metal room his

safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter

of time....

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#19 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 9:25 pm
Subject: Coming Soon - Gulf wars Episode II ramrajah@...
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Subject: Gulf wars (Joke)


>
>
>
>


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

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#18 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 12:09 am
Subject: Words of Wisdom Repeated ramrajah@...
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This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed
between a little girl and some construction workers. This
makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and

that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a

house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old

daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going

on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of
them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of
project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had
coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here

and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first

week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing

a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the
appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take
the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to

start a savings account. When they go to the bank the teller

was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl

how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young

age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with
a crew building a house."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be
working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those useless sons-a-bitches
at Home Depot ever bring us any drywall that's worth a shit".

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#17 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Thu Feb 20, 2003 11:59 pm
Subject: Children ramrajah@...
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>CHILDREN.................

> To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our

> own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, students, neighbors ... here is

> something to make you chuckle.

> Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from

> the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own

> children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And

> the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

> "Don't what?" Adam replied.

> "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

> "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have

> forbidden fruit!!!!!"

> "No Way!"

> "Yes, way!"

> "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

> "Why?"

> "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why

> He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes

> later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

> "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

> "Uh huh," Adam replied.

> "Then why did you?" said the Father.

> "I don't know," said Eve.

> "She started it!" Adam said

> "Did not!"

> "Did too!"

> "DID NOT!"

> Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam

> and Eve should have children of their own.

> Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

> BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

> If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom

> and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

> If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would

> be a piece of cake for you?

> THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

> 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk

> and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and

> shut up.

> 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

> 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

> 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word

> for word what you shouldn't have said.

> 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind

> yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

> 6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

> ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your

> nursing home.

> AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

> "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN

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#16 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Fri Feb 21, 2003 3:06 pm
Subject: The Window ramrajah@...
Send Email

The Window

A great note for all to read. It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked
arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the
picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

People will forget what you said...

People will forget what you did...

But people will never forget how you made them feel...

Make someone happy, share a kind word today

Risk - You can not discover new oceans, unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

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#15 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Wed Feb 19, 2003 9:08 pm
Subject: Put-Downs...... ramrajah@...
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Subject: Put-Downs......

Cool one SAF.

Thanks

Ram

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#14 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Thu Feb 20, 2003 10:36 am
Subject: Even God enjoys a good laugh. ramrajah@...
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Malathi Thanks for sharing. I have not seen this one before.

Uncle Ram

......................................................

Even God enjoys a good laugh.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone "brother,"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1.. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't get it
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.

Amen!

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#13 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Wed Feb 19, 2003 8:31 am
Subject: A View of the Earth from the International space station ramrajah@...
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Subject: A View of the Earth from the International space station

This is really a sight to behold. The image is a panoramic view of the

world from the new space station.

It is a night photo with the lights clearly indicating the populated areas.

You can scroll East-West and North-South, by clicking on the square at

the bottom right, after the whole picture is loaded.

Note that Canada's population is almost exclusively along the U.S.

border.

Moving east to Europe, there is a high population concentration along

the Mediterranean Coast.

It's easy to spot London, Paris, Stockholm and Vienna. Check out the

development of Israel compared to that of the Arab countries.

Note the Nile River and the rest of the Dark Continent.

After the Nile, the lights don't come on again until Johannesburg.

Look at the Australian Outback and the Trans-Siberian Rail Route. Moving

east, the most striking observation is the difference between North and

South Korea.

Note the density of Japan.

What a piece of photography.

It is an absolutely awesome picture of the Earth taken from the Boeing built

Space Station last November 2002 on a perfect night with no obscuring

atmospheric conditions.

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#12 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Thu Feb 20, 2003 10:40 am
Subject: The Choice is yours...... ramrajah@...
Send Email

> > >READ THIS, LET IT SINK IN, THEN CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR
> > >DAY TOMORROW.
> > >
> > >Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in
> > >a good mood and always has something positive to say.
> > >
> > >When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
> > >"If I were any better, I would be twins!"
> > >
> > >He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad
> > >day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on
> > >the positive side of the situation.
> > >
> > >Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went
> > >up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a
> > >positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
> > >
> > >Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself,
> > >you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good
> > >mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be
> > >in a good mood.
> > >
> > >Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim
> > >or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from
> > >it.
> > >
> > >Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to
> > >accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive
> > >side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
> > >
> > >"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
> > >
> > >"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When
> > >you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You
> > >choose how you react to situations. You choose how people
> > >affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad
> > >mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your
> > >life."
> > >
> > >I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the
> > >Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but
> > >I often thought about him when I made a choice about life
> > >instead of reacting to it.
> > >
> > >Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a
> > >serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications
> > >tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive
> > >care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods
> > >placed in his back.
> > >
> > >I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I
> > >asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd
> > >be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
> > >
> > >I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had
> > >gone through his mind as the accident took place.
> > >
> > >"The first thing that went through my mind was the
> > >well-being of my soon to be born daughter, " Michael
> > >replied. Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I
> > >had two choices: I could choose to live or ....I could
> > >choose to die. I chose to live."
> > >
> > >"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
> > >
> > >Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept
> > >telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me
> > >into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the
> > >doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I
> > >read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
> > >
> > >"What did you do?" I asked.
> > >
> > >"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at
> > >me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything.
> > >"Yes, I replied."
> > >
> > >The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my
> > >reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."
> > >
> > >Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
> > >Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
> > >
> > >Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also
> > >because of his amazing attitude.
> > >
> > >I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live
> > >fully.
> > >
> > >Attitude, after all, is everything.
> > >
> > >"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will
> > >worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
> > >- Matthew 6:34
> > >
> > >After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
> > >

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#11 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Tue Feb 18, 2003 8:40 am
Subject: SALARY ramrajah@...
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Subject: SALARY

Please view the attachment & enjoy.

Banumathy.K

Thanks Banu

Ramboaus

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#10 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Tue Feb 18, 2003 3:13 am
Subject: CHILDREN ramrajah@...
Send Email

Subject: CHILDREN

Hi Ram!!
Just to say Hello to you!!
Jay

....................................................
Thanks Jay for sharing this excellent piece .

Rambo

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#9 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 17, 2003 7:31 pm
Subject: Brighten up your day! ramrajah@...
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Here is something to Brighten up your day !!!!!.


                         (See attached file: lion cut.doc)

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#8 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 17, 2003 7:03 pm
Subject: English Language amBUSHed ramrajah@...
Send Email

English Language amBUSHed

President Bush jr
Some of the interesting things Bush has said...

1. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush Jr.

2. "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
child."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr.

3. "Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same
distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where
there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means
there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr., 8/11/94

4. "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in
this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in
this century."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr., 9/15/95

5. "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
one word is 'to be prepared'."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr., 12/6/93

6. "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in
the future."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr.

7. "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr., 9/21/97

8. "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr. to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

9. "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a
firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr.

10. "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the
polls."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr.

11. "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr., 9/22/97

12. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it."
- Governor George W. Bush Jr.

Surely the Americans should conduct an IQ test on all aspiring

Presidential Candidates to avoid such repeats.

Ramboaus

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#7 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 17, 2003 6:57 pm
Subject: funny ramrajah@...
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    I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU.

     I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND CONTROL YOU.

     I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE,

SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL

    YOU GRUNT AND GROAN...

    WITH ALL MY LOVE,

    WHO AM I ??

keep scrolling

keep scrolling

THE FLU

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

Thanks Jan, Rambo

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#6 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Mon Feb 17, 2003 7:07 pm
Subject: A little tune ramrajah@...
Send Email

From: Rajan

Sent: Saturday, February 15, 2003 7:25 PM

Subject: A little tune

(keep the goodies coming mate. Cheers Rambo)

Could this be considered an act of non-violent protest????

All together now...

To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your

hands"...

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.

If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.

If the terrorists are frisky, Pakistan is looking shifty,

North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.

If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.

So to hell with the inspections, Let's look tough for the elections,

Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive nonaggression", bomb Iraq.

Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.

they've got weapons we can't see, And that's good enough for me

'Cos it's all the proof I need to Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.

If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.

If you think Saddam's gone mad, With the weapons that he had,

(And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.

If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.

If your politics are sleazy, And hiding that ain't easy, And your

manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.

For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.

Disagree? We'll call it treason, Let's make war not love this

season,

Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.

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#5 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sun Feb 16, 2003 8:42 am
Subject: Happy Valentine's Day! ramrajah@...
Send Email

Subject: Happy Valentine's Day!
        http://www.c-a-p-s.co.uk/images/dancer.swf

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#4 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sun Feb 16, 2003 8:39 am
Subject: LIVE ramrajah@...
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Subject: Fw: LIVE (You have to open this one!)

Just bop to this!

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person who sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in too big a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.
Take the time to live!!! Life is too short...Dance Naked

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#3 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sat Feb 15, 2003 6:32 pm
Subject: How to get the attention of the Police ramrajah@...
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Subject: FW: How to get the attention of the Police


> You may have read this story before.
>
> Miyuki
>

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#2 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sat Feb 15, 2003 6:29 pm
Subject: 100 % lol ramrajah@...
Send Email

Thanks Miyuki for sharing a good one.

Ram

..........................

> Good one.
> Miyuki
>

> >So You want to give more than 100 %
>
> >What makes 100%?
> >
> >Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
> >
> >We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
> >
> >How about achieving 103%?
> >
> >Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
> >
> >What makes life 100%
> >
> >If: A    B    C    D    E    F    G    H    I    J    K    L    M    N
> O P Q    R    S    T    U    V    W    X    Y    Z
> >
> >1    2      3    4     5     6    7     8    9   10   11 12   13   14   15
> 16 17   18   19 20   21   22   23   24   25   26
> >
> >Then:                 H A R D W O R K
> >
> > > >      8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
>
>                         K N O W L E D G E
>
>                11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

> But:
>
>                          A T T I T U D E
>                 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
>
> And:
>
>                           B U L L S H I T
>
>               2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
>
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get

you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you

over the top.

And look how far ass kissing will take you.

K I S S I N G A S S

11 9 19 19 9 14 7 1 19 19 = 118%

NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT BEFORE, HUH.

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#1 From: "Ramboaus" <ramrajah@...>
Date: Sat Feb 15, 2003 6:20 pm
Subject: Bet you'll like this. ramrajah@...
Send Email

Thanks Chuch, Really good one as always. Trust you are keeping well.

When are you coming down under ??

Mama

...............................................................

He.. He..

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Chuchi

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