“Collins, we were in a battle to the death last night. People get killed in war; it's not your fault that the Death Eaters put the Imperius Curse on those people. We all had to think fast and do things we wouldn't have done if we had time to think about it. You should think about the countless lives you saved by killing those destroying the---Collins? ...What could you possibly be looking for?”

“My humanity. It should be around here somewhere, because I'm pretty sure I wasn't carrying it around yesterday.”

**()**

“Mr. Chris Collins of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! You are under arrest for murder and suspicious use of Dark Magic! What do you have to say?”

Harry looked at the Ministry toad with a completely uninterested expression. “Damn. I knew flipping off the Minister would get me in trouble one day. Well, if I have to go, at least I'll go out with a bang.”

KA-BOOM!

“Oops. I guess I'm going out with a ka-boom, then.”

**()**

“Mr. Collins! I can not believe that you would be so unprofessional as a teacher! WHAT were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that Malfoy was being an arrogant sod, Parkinson was putting too much effort into getting Malfoy's attention, and Nott was getting on my nerves by staring at his Dark Mark like the Queen wrote her autograph on his arm.”
“So you turned them into a bunch of WEASELS?”
“Ferrets, actually. Twittery, psychopathic, annoying little ferrets.”

**()**

“Remember, Fawkes,” Dumbledore said authoritatively, and the phoenix looked at him beadily.
“You're on the Order's side. Truth, justice, and the side of the Light.”
Fawkes turned to look at Harry.
“I know how to cook salmon .”
And the phoenix flew to Harry's shoulder, who cackled, swept his cloak around him evilly, and vanished in a blaze of fire with Fawkes.