Im mailing the LIST DESCRIPTION out monthly,
because of so many of the "me too" posts..
And for the off topic posts..
Im open to comments and ideas from the other moderators on this..
I feel 80 to 90 percent freethought jokes is a good target..
This leaves room to post something you find really fully anyway.

NOTE on attaching pictures..
YAHOO will remove them..
I know its work, but you can go to this lists website
(you have to have a yahoogroups login)..
A good place to put them is under pictures
(there is a link on the left side of the main page)..

Thanks
Bobbler



FREETHOUGHT HUMOR.

Humor on the subject of religious fanatics, religious politics,
religious traditions, etc.

This list is mainly for freethinkers, atheists, humanists, etc.
I don’t know if superstitious people will appreciate this kind of humor.

Nothing but free argument, raillery and even ridicule will preserve the
purity of religion (Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Benjamin Rush).

Still, we hope readers can take jokes with a grain of salt when need be,
because there are no sacred cows to freethinkers.   However, the point really
humor.   We can only hope list members will try to post jokes that are funny.

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes positive atheism/FT
in terms of humor.   Maybe it will become clear later.
Although there will be no censorship on this list,
we do encourage *positive* atheism/FT
(if by only setting positive examples ourselves).
IMHO this means walking a careful line, and is something
open to discussion on this list.

NOTE:
"Attachments" are   ! NOT !   allowed,
because of yahoo rules...

Please post FT HUMOR as a web link, text, or dwnld to the files section...

This email list may go 100-percent moderated to save each of us,
from SPAM and OT posts.

In the spirit of "equal time," a creationist alternantive theory on
the origin of cats: In the beginning was the Dog, and God said unto
Adam, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you. Regardless of how selfish and unlovable you may be, this
new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do,
in spite of yourself.  And because I have created this new animal to
be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of
my name. " And it was so.  And Dog lived with Adam: and was a
companion to Adam; and Dog was a good animal.  And God was pleased.
And Dog was pleased with Adam, and wagged his tail.  And it came to
pass that God saw Adam's heart was become hardened with sinful
pride, thinking itself worthy of adoration. And the Lord
said,  "Behold! Dog has taught Adam that he is loved and worshipped
as one of us. Now let us go down and confound man and teach him
humility. " And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam; and to
remind Adam of his true place in the universe; and whence he came,
and where he stood.  And it was so.  And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, the Man was reminded that he
was, alas, an inferior being.  And woe came unto Adam; and Adam
learned humility.  And it was good.  And God was pleased.  And Dog
was happy, and wagged his tail.   And Cat did not care one way or
the other.



Luis T. Pilgrim and Mimi Lee Young

You forgot the woman and all the problems, c'mon now, fess up.       Deane


----- Original Message -----
From: strangerangers1
To: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Sent: 5/2/05 12:51:54 PM
Subject: [FT-HUMOR] A Creationist Alternantive Theory On The Origin Of Cats


In the spirit of "equal time," a creationist alternantive theory on
the origin of cats: In the beginning was the Dog, and God said unto
Adam, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you. Regardless of how selfish and unlovable you may be, this
new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do,
in spite of yourself.  And because I have created this new animal to
be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of
my name. " And it was so.  And Dog lived with Adam: and was a
companion to Adam; and Dog was a good animal.  And God was pleased.
And Dog was pleased with Adam, and wagged his tail.  And it came to
pass that God saw Adam's heart was become hardened with sinful
pride, thinking itself worthy of adoration. And the Lord
said,  "Behold! Dog has taught Adam that he is loved and worshipped
as one of us. Now let us go down and confound man and teach him
humility. " And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam; and to
remind Adam of his true place in the universe; and whence he came,
and where he stood.  And it was so.  And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, the Man was reminded that he
was, alas, an inferior being.  And woe came unto Adam; and Adam
learned humility.  And it was good.  And God was pleased.  And Dog
was happy, and wagged his tail.   And Cat did not care one way or
the other.



Luis T. Pilgrim and Mimi Lee Young







Yahoo! Groups Links

To visit your group on the web, go to:
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FT-HUMOR-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I remember a few years ago when my girlfriend handed me an apple and the
hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  I had the feeling an old relative of
mine was tapping me on the shoulder.

-------Original Message-------

From: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Date: 05/02/05 20:47:22
To: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Subject: RE: [FT-HUMOR] A Creationist Alternantive Theory On The Origin Of
Cats

You forgot the woman and all the problems, c'mon now, fess up.       Deane


----- Original Message -----
From: strangerangers1
To: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Sent: 5/2/05 12:51:54 PM
Subject: [FT-HUMOR] A Creationist Alternantive Theory On The Origin Of Cats


In the spirit of "equal time," a creationist alternantive theory on
the origin of cats: In the beginning was the Dog, and God said unto
Adam, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you. Regardless of how selfish and unlovable you may be, this
new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do,
in spite of yourself.  And because I have created this new animal to
be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of
my name. " And it was so.  And Dog lived with Adam: and was a
companion to Adam; and Dog was a good animal.  And God was pleased.
And Dog was pleased with Adam, and wagged his tail.  And it came to
pass that God saw Adam's heart was become hardened with sinful
pride, thinking itself worthy of adoration. And the Lord
said,  "Behold! Dog has taught Adam that he is loved and worshipped
as one of us. Now let us go down and confound man and teach him
humility. " And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam; and to
remind Adam of his true place in the universe; and whence he came,
and where he stood.  And it was so.  And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, the Man was reminded that he
was, alas, an inferior being.  And woe came unto Adam; and Adam
learned humility.  And it was good.  And God was pleased.  And Dog
was happy, and wagged his tail.   And Cat did not care one way or
the other.



Luis T. Pilgrim and Mimi Lee Young







Yahoo! Groups Links

To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FT-HUMOR/

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
FT-HUMOR-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




Yahoo! Groups Links

To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FT-HUMOR/

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
FT-HUMOR-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm
Icon Wars


http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/233937
MC Hawking raps about reason and science


http://www.taima.org/en/shinto.htm
Hemp in religion

Dear Friends,

My wife Toni is fond of saying that my  last words on this earth
will be something akin to! "Well, I have outdone  myself once
again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in  a
Lifetime movie in the near future.  Here goes. Last weekend  I
spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled  my
fancy.  (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily  tickled.)
I bought something really cool for Toni.  The occasion  was our
22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something  extra
for my sweet girl.  What I came across was a  100,000-volt,
pocket/purse- sized Tazer gun with a clip.

For  those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is  a
less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed  to
incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage,
low-amperage  electricity while you flee to safety. The effects
are supposed to be  short-lived, with no long-term adverse affect
on your assailant, but  allowing you adequate time to retreat to
safety.


You  simply jab the prongs into your 250-lb, tattooed assailant,
push the  button, and it will render him a slobbering,
goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,  whimpering, pencil-neck geek.  If
you've never seen one of these  things in action, then you're
truly missing out--way too cool!

Long  story short, I bought the device and brought it home.  I
loaded two  AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button.  Nothing!   I was so disappointed.  Upon reading the
directions (we don't need no  stinkin' directions), I found much
to my chagrin that this particular model  would not create an
arch between the prongs.  How disappointing! I do  love fire for
effect.  I learned that if I pushed the  button,
however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get  the
blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs  that I was so looking forward to.  I did so.  Awesome!!!
Sparks,  a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee
. . I'm easily  amused, just for your information, but I have yet
to explain to Toni what  that burn spot is on the face of her
microwave.

Okay, so I was home  alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that  bad with only two triple-a
batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my  recliner, my cat Gracie
looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading  the
directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I
really  needed to try this thing out on a flesh-and-blood target.
I must admit I  thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a
second and thought better  of it.  She is such a sweet kitty,
after all.  But, if I was  going to give this thing to Toni to
protect herself against a mugger, I did  want some assurance that
it would work as advertised.  Am
I  wrong?  Was I wrong to think that?   Seemed reasonable to  me
at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top  with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my  nose,
directions in one hand, Tazer in another.  The directions  said
that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a  two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily  control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop  on
the ground like a fish out of water.  All the while I'm  looking
at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than  3/4
inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two
itsy  bitsy AAA batteries), thinking to myself, "no friggin'
way!"  Friggin'  way -- trust me.  But I'm getting ahead of
myself.

What  happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best. Those of  you who know me well have got a pretty good idea
of what followed.   I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on
with her head cocked to one side  as to say, "don't do it buddy,"
reasoning that a one-second burst from such  a tiny lil' ole
thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking  under
the circumstances, wouldn't you
agree?).  I decided to give  myself a one-second burst just for
the hell of it.  (Note: You know, a  bad decision is like
hindsight--always twenty-twenty.  It is so  obvious that it was a
bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so  right at
the time.  Don't ya hate that?) I touched the prongs to my  naked
thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY  **************!
DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!!; I'm pretty sure that Jessie  Ventura
ran in through the front door, picked me up out of  that
recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over
again. I  vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, nipples on fire,  testicles nowhere to be found,
soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under  my body in the oddest
position. Gracie was standing over me  making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my  face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it  again!"

Note of caution: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself  with
a Tazer, there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap  yourself.  You're not going to let go of that thing until it
is  dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on  the
floor.

Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the  prongs 1/4"
deep in your thigh like yours truly.  SON-OF-A-***** that  hurt!
A minute or so l ater (I can't be sure, as time was a  relative
thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I  had
left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses
were on  the mantel of the fireplace.  How
did they get there???  My  triceps, right thigh and both titties
were still twitching.  My face  felt like it had been shot up
with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88  lbs. give or take an
ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. By the way, has anyone  seen my
testicles? I think they ran away.  I'm offering a  reward.
They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I  must
say so myself.  I miss 'em . . . sure would like to
get 'em  back.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting  back
together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their  elderly
mother.


The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

  The third said, "I've got you both beat." "You know how mom  enjoys the
Bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot  that can
recite the entire Bible. It took twenty monks in a monastery 12 years  to teach
the parrot. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for  twenty years
but it was worth it.

  Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote  to the first
son, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one  room, but I
have to clean the whole house."

  She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I  stay home
all the time, so I never used the Mercedes ... and the driver is SO  rude.

  She wrote to the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to  have
the good sense to know what your mother likes.  "The chicken was  delicious."





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Isn't the black one supposed to be bigger?

http://www.whizzinator.com/whiz2.htm

WARNING DO NOT OPEN AT WORK

In the 1600's and other periods it was in vogue

http://www.madville.com/link.php?id=69885&t=11

Maybe we just lived in the wrong time !!!







  This new scam is being pulled mainly on older women
  who are apparently  past the age of giving a running pursuit.

  What happens is that when the intended victim stops
  for a red light,  a completely nude and good looking, nicely tanned,
  unbelievably  well enhanced young man comes up. With muscles flexing,
  and body stretched to ts full potential, he pretends to wash your
  windshield.


  While he is doing this, another person opens the
  back door of your car,  taking anything you have in the back seat.
They are
  very good at this.


  They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday---

   I couldn't find them on Sunday

But can he do the fishes and loaves  trick???

t'





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

A friend of mine sent me a joke photo of him giving communion with beer.

http://www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com/

One of America's greatest poets, and rock n' roll's most enduring popular icon,
waxes
eloquently on the subject of personal responsibility...
http://presidentevilonline.com/dylan.html

Yeah .. I sent the photo to this list, but apparently, photos don't go
through.

~Michael



In a message dated 5/22/2005 2:24:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
donnajgore@... writes:

A friend  of mine sent me a joke photo of him giving communion with  beer.







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Bob Dylan he's our man
Sucking that reefer as fast as he can
Never worried what it did to his brain
Never wanted to feel that pain.

Go, Bob

Groove on over to the Yahoo Group and listen
to this amazingly amusing "SuperStar" parody in its full jocular
splendiferousness.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Tor_Hershman/

--- In FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com, "D X Stone" <dxs@p...> wrote:
> One of America's greatest poets, and rock n' roll's most enduring
popular icon, waxes
> eloquently on the subject of personal responsibility...
> http://presidentevilonline.com/dylan.html

Bob Dylan, he's my man
Sucking that pipe as fast as he can
Never worried what it did to his brain
Never wanted to feel the pain.

Go, Bob

To show a picture in a message, you need to cut and paste the image
into the body of the message.

James

***************
MODERATOR NOTE
***************
Yahoo doesnt allow pictures.  They need to be posted in the photo's section of
this website.
****************



--- In FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com, myqel1960@a... wrote:
> Yeah .. I sent the photo to this list, but apparently, photos don't go
through.
> ~Michael
> In a message dated 5/22/2005 2:24:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
> donnajgore@y... writes:
>
> A friend  of mine sent me a joke photo of him giving communion with
  beer.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been
> friends all their lives.
> It seems that Sam is dying, and Moe comes to visit
> him every day.? " Sam," says Moe, "You know how we
> have both loved baseball all our lives, and how we
> played minor league ball together for so many
> years.? Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you
> get to Heaven, and I know you will go to Heaven,
> somehow you've got to let me know if there's
> baseball in Heaven."? Sam looks up at Moe from his
> death bed, and says, "Moe, you've been my best
> friend  many years. This favor, if it is at all
> possible, I'll do for you."? And shortly after that,
> Sam passes on.
>  It is midnight a couple of nights  later.
>
>  Moe is sound asleep when he is awakened by a
> blinding flash of  white light and a voice calls out
> to him, "Moe.... Moe...."? Who is that?" cries Moe,
> sitting up suddenly. "Who is that!!??"? "Moe, it's
> me, Sam."  "Come on.? You're not Sam.? Sam just
> died!""I'm telling you," insists the  voice. "It's
> me, Sam!"
> "Sam? Is that really you?? Where are you? "I'm in
> heaven," says Sam, "I promised to contact you, and
> here I am. I've got to tell you, I've got some
> really good news and a little bad news." "So, tell
> me the good news first," says Moe. "The good news,"
> says Sam "is that
> there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old
> buddies who've gone  before us are there. Better
> yet, we're all young men again.? Better yet, it's
> always spring time and  it never rains or snows.?
> And best of all, we can play baseball all we  want,
> and we never get tired!"?
>
> "Really!!??" says Moe, "That is fantastic,
> wonderful, beyond my wildest dreams! But, what's the
> bad news, Sam?"
>
>  "You're pitching next Tuesday!"
>
>
>

They're Made Out Of Meat
Imagine if you will ..the leader of the fifth invader force speaking
to the commander in chief...

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts
of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all
the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to
the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from
them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat
made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to
believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only
sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based
intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for
several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have
any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the
Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the
Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way
through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made
out of meat!"

"So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The
meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The
meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been
trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore
the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information.
The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by
radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You
know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by
flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting
air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you
advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and
all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without
prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the
records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make
contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat.
How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing
with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat
containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only
travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and
makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim.
Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the
ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed?
You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their
heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to
them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be
meat's dream."

"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others?
Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a
class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation
ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the
universe would be if one were all alone."

"They're Made Out Of Meat". By Terry Bisson (c) 1992.
First published in OMNI, April 1991.

cause the only animals in our churches are SHEEP.



> Balasore (Orissa), May 25 : Aping Hindu rituals to a
> T, a monkey appeared
> at an Orissa temple, prayed for an hour folding its
> hands in the
> traditional sign of respect, took prasad, put
> vermilion on its forehead -
> and then fled.
>
> Looking at it as a miracle are residents of Junia
> village in Balasore
> district, who responded by worshipping it in turn
> and garlanding the simian
> before it ran away.
>
> It all happened earlier this week Monday when the
> simian, who had never
> been seen in the area earlier, appeared at about 10
> a.m. near a Shiva
> temple and offered flowers at the shrine.
>
> It was the day that devotees were formally
> inaugurating the stone symbol
> that is seen to represent Lord Shiva.
>
> Said Aniruddha Behera, a village resident: "The
> monkey folded his hands,
> observed silence, put vermilion on his forehead and
> also took the prasad
> from the devotees."
>
> "When we saw the monkey joining us we were
> surprised. We did not try to
> drive it out and it continued praying for nearly an
> hour amid hundreds of
> devotees," Behera told IANS.
>
> It stayed around till evening when it ran into the
> nearby forests.
>
> "We have not seen any monkey around for the last two
> years. This is a
> miracle for us," Behera said.

In a related story, a sheep reportedly walked into a catholic churchm. The
sheep apparently went tot the front of the church and participated in
communion. Afterwards.the sheep wandered ailessly outside stealing food from
cars and drinking some spirits found in a nearby vehicle

Parishioners expect the sheep to be at confession next sunday


-------Original Message-------

From: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Date: 05/28/05 11:28:21
To: FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [FT-HUMOR] It would never happen here.....

cause the only animals in our churches are SHEEP.



> Balasore (Orissa), May 25 : Aping Hindu rituals to a
> T, a monkey appeared
> at an Orissa temple, prayed for an hour folding its
> hands in the
> traditional sign of respect, took prasad, put
> vermilion on its forehead -
> and then fled.
>
> Looking at it as a miracle are residents of Junia
> village in Balasore
> district, who responded by worshipping it in turn
> and garlanding the simian
> before it ran away.
>
> It all happened earlier this week Monday when the
> simian, who had never
> been seen in the area earlier, appeared at about 10
> a.m. near a Shiva
> temple and offered flowers at the shrine.
>
> It was the day that devotees were formally
> inaugurating the stone symbol
> that is seen to represent Lord Shiva.
>
> Said Aniruddha Behera, a village resident: "The
> monkey folded his hands,
> observed silence, put vermilion on his forehead and
> also took the prasad
> from the devotees."
>
> "When we saw the monkey joining us we were
> surprised. We did not try to
> drive it out and it continued praying for nearly an
> hour amid hundreds of
> devotees," Behera told IANS.
>
> It stayed around till evening when it ran into the
> nearby forests.
>
> "We have not seen any monkey around for the last two
> years. This is a
> miracle for us," Behera said.








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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

BAD DAY

This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink.  He's
been sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck
driver steps up next to  him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.

The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard  time," says the truck driver.
"I'll buy you another  drink.   I just can't stand to see a man  crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs.  "I
can't do anything right.   I overslept and was late to an important
meeting, so my boss fired  me.  When I went to the parking lot, I  found my
car was stolen and I have no insurance.  I  grabbed a cab home but, after
the cab left, discovered my wallet was left in the cab.  At home I found my
wife in bed with the gardener.

"So I came to this bar and was thinking about putting an end to my life and
then you show up and drink the damned poison."


Rita


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Having Fun With Intelligent Design
By _David Morris_ (http://www.alternet.org/authors/2120/) , _AlterNet_
(http://www.alternet.org/) .  Posted _May  23, 2005_
(http://www.alternet.org/ts/archives/?date[F]=05&date[Y]=2005&date[d]=23&act=Go/\
) .
I have just three words for biology teachers who are wringing their hands as
school boards from Kansas to Pennsylvania force them to teach intelligent
design  as an alternative to evolution: Get over it.
Here's what I think. Science teachers can comply with the requirement and
still offer their students a first-rate education. If done with imagination, the
  new curriculum could end up stimulating more learning and excitement than
their  traditional explication of Darwinian theory.
I wouldn't have made this argument 20 years ago. At that time, school boards'
  interventions were far more restrictive. Science teachers were obliged to
inform  their students that the story of Genesis was literally true. But in
1987, the  U.S. Supreme Court put a stop to that by declaring the teaching of
creationism  in the classroom a violation of the Constitutional insistence on
the
separation  of church and state.
The Court decision spawned a more nuanced and sophisticated approach by
anti-evolutionists: intelligent design. Intelligent design is not creationism 
per
se. It holds that higher forms of life are so complex they must have been
created by an unspecified higher power. The key word here is "unspecified." Many
  school board members who support an intelligent design mandate believe that
higher power is Jesus. But they aren't forcing anyone to teach that in
schools.
What they do require is that teachers offer a critique of evolution and
suggest alternative theories about the origins of life. How might a good science
teacher comply with these new directives without compromising their principles
  or their dignity? Or to put it slightly more aggressively, how might a
biology  teacher educate his or her students while at the same time teach
meddling
school  board members a lesson?
All teachers know that their first and hardest job is to gain the student's
attention and interest. What subject best attracts a teenager's undivided
attention? Sex. Happily, when it comes to evolution, sex is central.
I recommend that biology teachers begin by discussing Elisabeth A. Lloyd's
decidedly scientific book, The Case of the Female Orgasm. No school board
member should complain. The book's subtitle, "Bias in the Science of Evolution,"
clearly fits with the new requirement that teachers critique evolutionary
theory.
Darwinians can explain the male orgasm. After all, the male ejaculation is
necessary for the survival and perpetuation of the species, and if giving the
male great pleasure while doing so promotes that, then natural selection would
  eventually endow the male orgasm with that characteristic.
When it comes to the human female orgasm, however, evolutionists are stumped.
  No other female of the animal kingdom experiences an orgasm. Professor Lloyd
  examines 21 evolution-based explanations for the female orgasm, and
demolishes  every one of them.
Here the biology teacher might offer the class the alternative explanation of
  intelligent design. Is the intelligent power simply leveling the playing
field  between the sexes? Or is Professor Lloyd right that the female orgasm is
"just  for fun," and the intelligent power is female?
Then there's the question of male homosexuality. From a Darwinian
perspective, it's a puzzle. The theory of natural selection should guarantee the
disappearance of males that don't reproduce. But they keep hanging around, in
considerable numbers, in every culture and every era.
Evolutionists have their theories. Psychologist Louis A. Berman argues that
it has to do with embryonic development. Medical doctor Lorne Warneke suggests
  that homosexuality actually offers a natural advantage. Homosexuals instill
a  more cooperative impulse that helps perpetuate the kinship group and tribe.
A good science teacher will follow the school board's guidance and propose
intelligent design as an alternative explanation for male homosexuality. Could
there be an intelligent power that has created and nurtured male
homosexuality?  Does that mean God is gay?
School boards require science teachers to offer alternative explanations
about how life began. That presents still another opportunity for creative
educators.
Evolutionists argue that life evolved over tens of millions of years via
natural selection. Intelligent design advocates believe the creation of life was
overseen and guided by an intelligent power.
The biology teacher should offer students creationism as a possible
explanatory theory of the origins of life. And, of course, subject it to the 
same
rigorous scientific analysis the teacher uses to evaluate the accurateness  of
evolution. The students will learn that the scientific evidence for
the-heavens-and-the-earth-and-all-life-was-formed-in-six days theory of the 
origins of
life is virtually nonexistent.
Moreover, substantial empirical evidence exists to demonstrate that the Bible
  has the order of the origination of life wrong. On day three, for example,
the  Bible tells us (Genesis 1:6-10) that God created "vegetation, plants
yielding  seed and fruit trees...." On the fifth day He made "birds fly above
the
earth"  and "the waters teem with swarms of living creatures." On the sixth day
He  created the "beasts of the earth."
But geology teaches us that fish were in the seas hundreds of millions of
years before a tree was on the ground. Birds did not appear until well after
beasts of the field. And if a dinosaur is a beast of the field, then flowering
and fruit-bearing plants did not appear until after beasts of the field.
If a Christian God as described in the Bible was not the agent of the origin
of life, who, or what, was the intelligent designer? Here the diligent
science  teacher should offer a series of alternatives. One of the most
compelling
should  command the attention of teenagers almost as much as sex: space aliens.
In his 1983 book The Intelligent Universe, respected physicist Fred  Hoyle
asks whether life could have evolved at random. "Impossible," he answers.  That
conclusion should hearten the intelligent design folks. But Hoyle does not
dismiss the theory of evolution. His criticism of Darwinism is that it is an
earthbound theory. Life derived from outer space. "Genes from outside the earth
are needed to drive the evolutionary process," Hoyle concludes.
An even more intriguing and far better documented theory about the origins of
  life than Hoyle's is that of Swiss writer Erich von Daniken. Daniken's book,
  Chariots of the Gods, was translated into 28 languages, and has sold over
60 million copies worldwide. It was the basis of the much-watched 1970s
television show "In Search of Ancient Astronauts."
Von Daniken amassed an enormous amount of evidence to substantiate his
thesis, which he summed up this way: "Dim, as yet indefinable ages ago, an 
unknown
spaceship discovered our planet. The crew of the spaceship soon found  that
the Earth had all the prerequisites for intelligent life to develop.... The
spacemen artificially fertilized some female members of this species...." Over
millennia they returned several times to repeat this procedure, each time
breeding a more advanced human.
In some respects, Von Daniken bridges the theory of evolution and intelligent
  design. He agrees with the theory of evolution, but proposes that the
evolutionary seed or seeds, were planted by space travelers. He notes that 
ancient
civilization greatly respected such visitors and called them "gods." He
records legend upon legend from one civilization to another whose records tell 
of
the gods interbreeding with humans.
The creative biology teacher could build another bridge between Von Daniken
and creationism. One Christian website for example, citing the sixth chapter
of  Genesis as its source, declares, "Von Daniken is correct... beings did, in
fact  arrive on at least two different occasions; and their visitation truly
did  significantly influence the course of human history, and they did
interbreed  with humans." But the writer continues, "These beings, however, were
angels, not  'aliens from outer space.'" These are fallen angels, of course.
There's no question that if science teachers had their druthers, they
wouldn't be teaching intelligent design or gratuitously criticizing evolution in
their classrooms. But they do. They can whine or refuse or resign. How much
better for them to take this opportunity to teach their students while
exasperating their school boards with the power of thoughtful investigation. And
have
a whole lot of fun doing so.
David Morris is co-founder and vice president of the _Institute for Local
Self  Reliance_ (http://www.ilsr.org/)  in Minneapolis, Minnnesota and director
of its _New Rules_ (http://www.newrules.org/)   project.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dear God,

Please don't let a stray rotweiller chew off my genitals

And don't let my arms be pulled off by a threshing machine

Don't let me crash on the freeway mangling my legs and causing
massive irreperable brain damage, paralyzing me for life so I can't
move, clean myself or go to the bathroom normally.

Don't let me be stabbed in the head or be captured by a sadistic
serial killer who tortures me in his basement.

Don't let my building collapse in a horrific earthquake trapping me,
all my bones broken and split, smothered so that I can barely
breathe, my life slowly seeping out of me.

Please keep my skin from burning, don't let me go blind, don't let
me be shot, slashed or bludgeoned to death.

Don't let any of my organs fail on me, don't let my bones snap for
any reason, don't let my skull be fractured or my eyes get
accidentally punctured, don't let anyone I love die or get sick,
don't let me become homeless, don't let me lose all my possessions,
don't let me be arrested or executed, don't let me be raped or
assaulted, don't let me be hit by a car, don't let me get liver
cancer, don't let me get old and sick and helpless and just don't
let anything BAD happen to me, please please please.

And in exchange for this, I will try to be a better person.

Amen.

Im mailing the LIST DESCRIPTION out monthly,
because of so many of the "me too" posts..
And for the off topic posts..
Im open to comments and ideas from the other moderators on this..
I feel 80 to 90 percent freethought jokes is a good target..
This leaves room to post something you find really fully anyway.

NOTE on attaching pictures..
YAHOO will remove them..
I know its work, but you can go to this lists website
(you have to have a yahoogroups login)..
A good place to put them is under pictures
(there is a link on the left side of the main page)..

Thanks
Bobbler



FREETHOUGHT HUMOR.

Humor on the subject of religious fanatics, religious politics,
religious traditions, etc.

This list is mainly for freethinkers, atheists, humanists, etc.
I don’t know if superstitious people will appreciate this kind of humor.

Nothing but free argument, raillery and even ridicule will preserve the
purity of religion (Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Benjamin Rush).

Still, we hope readers can take jokes with a grain of salt when need be,
because there are no sacred cows to freethinkers.   However, the point really
humor.   We can only hope list members will try to post jokes that are funny.

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes positive atheism/FT
in terms of humor.   Maybe it will become clear later.
Although there will be no censorship on this list,
we do encourage *positive* atheism/FT
(if by only setting positive examples ourselves).
IMHO this means walking a careful line, and is something
open to discussion on this list.

NOTE:
"Attachments" are   ! NOT !   allowed,
because of yahoo rules...

Please post FT HUMOR as a web link, text, or dwnld to the files section...

This email list may go 100-percent moderated to save each of us,
from SPAM and OT posts.

SCIENTISTS SEEK EXPLANATION FOR PARIS HILTON

Hotel Heiress' Popularity the Subject of Oslo Conference

Over two thousand of the world's leading scientists converged on
Oslo, Norway to attend a conference devoted to one of modern
science's most baffling phenomena, the continuing popularity of
hotel heiress Paris Hilton.

In recent years Ms. Hilton's worldwide fame has puzzled
scientists,
who have been at a loss to explain the gathering celebrity of a
person who by most measures does not possess a distinctive talent,
ability or personality.

But as the hotel heiress' popularity has reached critical mass
over
the past twelve months, some of the most prominent voices in the
scientific community called for the Oslo conference, which had been
originally slated to discuss global warming, to focus on Ms.
Hilton's career instead.

The University of Tokyo's Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke, who wrote the
definitive work on how the universe was created, is among the
scientists in Oslo baffled by Paris Hilton's surging success.

"I have a much clearer idea of how the solar system came to be
than
I do about Paris Hilton," Dr. Kyosuke said.

As seemingly insoluble a mystery as Paris Hilton is, however, Dr.
Kyosuke hopes that the scientists in Oslo will come away with at
least a workable theory of Ms. Hilton's allure.

"The better we understand how and why Paris Hilton got here, the
easier it will be to predict when she will go away," Dr. Kyosuke
said.

Elsewhere, Carl Edward Roland, the man who spent 56 hours perched on
a crane above Atlanta's Buckhead district, said today that he was
only trying to beat a record set by the magician David Blaine.

.... from The Simpsons:

"Catholics.... they kneel, they sit, they  stand, they kneel,
they sit, they stand, it's like 'Simon Says' without a  winner!"
- Marge  Simpson

"I've done everything the Bible says.... even the stuff
that  contradicts the other stuff!"
- Ned Flanders

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up  there,
please save me  Superman!"
- Homer Simpson

"Prayer: the last refuge of a scoundrel."
              -  Lisa Simpson

from _The Simpsons  Archive: Religion on the Simpsons_
(http://www.snpp.com/guides/religion.html)

   - Steve


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

If you missed THIS AMERICAN LIFE on public radio this weekend, catch
it via the archives. The second half hour is devoted to Julia
Sweeney's performance of an excerpt from "Letting go of god."

Carol
in WI

Twelve Steps To Recovery
1.) "We have admitted we are powerless over Christianity - that our
faith has become unmanageable."
The first step to recovery involves simple admission that
Christianity controls you, that you no longer have the ability to
think rationally. This is the key component to liberation from your
religious chains. By falling victim to Christianity you must face up
to the fact that you have allowed a cultic religion seize your
powers of thought and of decision making. Once you can actually say
to yourself - "Yes! I am a victim. I am powerless to this
addiciton." - you can start looking to the second step. Firstly
however, you absolutely must work this first step. Stand up and
admit to yourself that you have allowed Christianity to overrun your
life.

2.) "We came to the realization that Christianity could drive us to
complete insanity."
In your illusory view of the world, seen through the deceptive and
unrealistic veil of Christianity, you have embarked on a journey
down the road to madness. As you have already admitted that you have
become a victim of your own religion, you must now face the reality
that it has the potential of driving you insane. A good way to
visualize this is to look at many of the religious leaders you see
on programs such as TBN and the 700 Club. The men and women
portrayed on these programs are clear-cut examples of the tragic
symptoms of this disease. You must recognize the insanity they
exhibit while they rant and rave, while they espouse their non-
sensical ideas and speak the lies their religion supports. This step
is of critical importance and yet it is one of the most difficult as
it mandates you to admit that you are ideed a part of an illogical
and dangerous cultic religion. You must face these realities head
on. A way to better come to grips with this task is to reevaluate
what your relgion asked you to believe in. Remember, you have been
ordered to worship a dead cult leader - Jesus Christ - of whom you
were told 'died for your sins', which you will soon see makes
absolutely no sense whatsoever. Further on we will examine your
belief structure to help this you absorb this step with greater
ease. Once you have a more intelligent view on your religion you
will be better able to extract yourself from it.

3.) "Made a decison to stop turning over our free will to the care
of a God we never fully understood in the first place."
This step involves taking back your most precious faculty - Free
Will! One of the first things you lost, and the most important, was
your ability to think for yourself. As a Christian you have
surrendered your ability to make rational choices and to think with
skepticism, which you will see is a critical element of rational
thought. By unshackling your mind from the mental imprisonment of
your Christian faith, you now have the weapon that Christianity
fears most - an unwashed brain! With your senses again in order you
can face Christian dogma face to face, and see it for what it really
is. Step Two taught you to come to the acceptance that your
relilgion was an exercise in insane humility. With your mind armed
with this knowledge you can now begin erasing each one of the
childish myths that you once allowed to control you.

4.) "Made a searching and fearless moral evaluation of our faith."
This step asks you to sit down and take a hard look at your beliefs
as dictated to you by your cultic religion. It is the folly of
Christians that most never bother to apply a shred of critical
thought to their religion's mythical nature. Hence, one becomes a
Christian by failing to use rational thought mechanisms and
inevitably falls prey to the emotional seductions of this
superstitious cult. By allowing yourself to actually analyze your
belief structure without the mental blinders imposed upon you by
Christianity, you will soon see that you have been a victim of the
greatest fraud ever perpetrated upon the human race. Later on we
will help you attain the necessary elemental thought patterns needed
to see your faith for what it truly is.

5.) "Admitted to society, the world and ourselves the exact inept
nature of our religion, which is totally wrong."
While one of our programs most difficult steps to take, it is also
the most important. Now that you have admitted that your faith is
out of control and that you have recognized the many follies your
religion represents, it is time to tell the world, to whom your
religion so loudly tried to corrupt, the truth about Christianity.
Having evaluated your faith you can now begin the task of helping
others recognize the treachery that you allowed to befall you. In
this process not only will you be able to strengthen your resolve to
become a better non-Christian, but will also aid others in leading
them away from their so-called "saviour". As you see that, even as a
recovering Christian, you can help others who are lost amidst the
madness of Christianity you will have the added bonus of reinforcing
your commitment to total seperation from your former self.

6.) "We are entirely prepared to remove these 'holier than thou'
attitudes."
One of the strongest hallmarks you have exhibted as a born-again is
your remarkable ability to believe you were somehow a "chosen one"
or that God had some special place in his kingdom reserved for you.
Christianity, in it's smug self-rightiousness, has filled you with a
spiritual ego that would offend even the most arrogant of Gods. The
extraction of this attitude is a neccessary step as it involves
removing one of the most offensive qualities a Christian carries
with him/herself. Additionally you are given a lesson in humility,
something every Christian is in dire need of.

7.) "Humbly agreed to keep our relation to God completely to
ourselves."
One of your greatest weaknesses as a Christian has been the
seemingly uncontrollable impulse of "ministering" or "spreading the
good news of the gospel". By doing so you have made yourself a great
nuisance to persons of other faiths (or of no faith at all) and have
essentally become a menace. Once you have mastered the early steps
of this program you will have seen how much of a pain in the neck
you were and want very much to resolve it. Having done away with
your childish outlook on religion (your Christian perspective)you
can now concentrate on keeping any further relationships with God to
yourself and no longer striving to tell the world about it. This
will help you make friends in the long run.

8.) "Made a list of all persons we had deceived and turned over to
Christianity and became willing to tell them the real truth."
This is a pertinent component in your recovery process. This step
involves reaching out to those you "ministered" to and brought to
Christ. When you did so, you never realized what potential harm you
were doing to the minds of your victims. In fact, you wholeheartedly
believed you were doing God's work. The real truth of the matter is
that you had a personal agenda in mind. You believed that by
bringing in new cult members you were sucking up to God, thinking he
would somehow have a higher opinion of you and would possibly reward
you in some form or another. This is the selfishness inherant in
most Christians. Many seek avenues that offer shameless self-
promotion and place them on what they assume is God's list of
favorites. What you never understood was that you were in fact
contributing to the "dumbing down" process already rampant in
today's society. As you are coming to realize, Christianity does NOT
offer salvation - only consternation, guilt, ego and self-
righteousness. By making a commitment to seeking out the persons you
sucked into your cult and admitting you were wrong, you are not only
helping to undo the damage you may have caused to these individuals,
but aiding greatly in your own process of recovery.

9.) "Made direct ammends to all persons we told would 'burn in hell'
if they did not believe as we did."
Like Step #8, this is yet another act of goodness you must execute
on your road to becoming an ex-Christian. You will no doubt remember
the terrible ideas you promoted as a Christian to non-believers.
These include the pushing on others of the concept of damnation to
eternal fire for not accepting Christ. As you, at this point in the
program, have come to admit, this is a ludicrous concept. It is one
of Christianity's most filthy and deviant weapons. Many ignorant
persons you told this to were almost certainly scared into joining
the ranks of the Christian cult. You yourself may have been sucked
into becoming a Christian via this method. This threat of death and
hellfire is the Christian Church's most effective weapon. What you
now must embark upon is a reconciliation with both yourself and
those whom you used this weapon against. As in Step #8, it inolves
telling them the truth about Christianity. This will be greatly
enhanced as you become more free-thinking and develop more effective
critical thought skills.

10.) "Continued to take a spiritual inventory of our former beliefs
and when we were wrong (which was almost always), promptly admitted
how naive we were."
Again, like a few steps you have already taken, this simply involves
reexamining your former beliefs and identifying those you now know
to be utterly false. It is a lesson in humility, something every
Christian needs. Naivety is the most telling trait of every
Christian cult member. As you progress from a theologically
brainwashed prisoner of Christ to a more enlighted, free-thinking,
self-governing entity, you will actually come to find this step the
easiest and perhaps most enjoyable of them all. You will, for the
first time, have the opportunity to laugh at yourself and be able to
see the great humor in your religion. You'll wonder how you could
have be so utterly blind. Regaining a sense of power over your life
will be this steps greatest reward.

11.) "Sought through education and common sense to improve upon our
disconnection from Christianity as we saw necessary, educating and
empowering ourselves to carry the renunciation of our faith out."
As your walk down the path away from the demons of Christianity
progresses, you will find solice in the fact that your mind will be
openeing to all sorts of horizons you probably never knew existed.
The greatest enemy of your religion is knowledge. Christianity is
fueled and kept alive by pure ignorance and intellectual immaturity.
The educative steps you embark upon will lessen the withdrawal
symptons you may experience and at the same time open the gates to a
new and wonderful life. For the first time you will be able to
respect and admire the fruits of knowledge and education. Previously
you often denied basic facts of science which you will now find make
more sense than ever. As science was always your greatest enemy, you
will now find it an antidote and ally. You will finally come to
accept such basic facts as evolution, both biological and non-
biological. You will come to laugh at your former beliefs in such
ridiculous stories as Noah's Flood and the infamous story of
Creation found in Genesis. As your beliefs in fairy tales fade you
will finally come to recognize these stories for what they really
are - myths. Also, for perhaps the first time, you will be able to
effectively utilize basic common sense and critical evaluative
thought. Christianity has kept these away from you for long enough,
now its time to enlighten yourself!

12.) "Having had an intellectual awakening as a result of these
steps, we tried to carry this message to other misled Christians,
and agreed to cease all further practices involving shameless
religious persuasion and, furthermore, to never again use God as a
terror weapon."
As you take your last step towards spritual freedom you commit
yourself to spreading the good news of salvation to other cult
members. With having broken the chains of Christianity you now have
the knowledge in hand that can benefit persons lost in the madness
of Christian illusion. Furthermore, you make a promise to never use
your former relgion to frighten others into falling prey to the
Jesus-Cult. This means no further ministering of any sort, only that
of recovery. You can now think clearly about life; forever free from
the enslaving and hateful doctrine of Christian dogma.