Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 05:00:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: Donna Gore <donnajgore@...>
Subject: Other Cobb County Textbook Disclaimers

A local comedian named Brian Bannon wrote this.

------------------------------------------------

Other Cobb County Schools Textbook Disclaimers

* Art Appreciation (Many famous artists were homosexual, a lifestyle
condemned by most of the world's major religions--including, but not
only, Christianity. Rather than support such degeneracy-as their
scriptures call it--many good people of faith with an eye for beauty
collect biblical figurines or Thomas Kincade landscapes instead.)

* Chemistry (One noted scientist-with a Ph.D. and everything-estimated
the average temperature of the unquenchable hellfire to be well over
20,000 degrees Kelvin. Something to think about.)

* Algebra ( ? ? ? ? )

* Calculus (For many, this subject is beyond their comprehension-like
God's ways.)

* Health (Sure Yoga's good for stretching, but who's the healthiest
religious leader? Buddha?! Please. Have you seen the gut on that guy?
And he's supposed to know the true path to enlightenment? Maybe the
true path to the nearest Shoney's breakfast buffet. For a lean and fit
spiritual icon, stick with ol' Jesus H.)

* Music (Christian rock your mornings with Nahum and Ronnie on The
Fish 104.7!)

* English (To split an infinitive is now commonly accepted. But
there's no splitting eternity. Where will you spend it?)

* World History (The historical Jesus believed in the biblical Jesus.)

* Trigonometry (The holy trinity of God the Father, Son, and Spirit is
like a divine triangle. Who's the cosign of your life's angle?)

* Woodshop (Carpentry was the Messiah's vocation. Seek His blessing
for your own birdhouse or paper towel holder.)

* Driver's Education (When four cars arrive at a four-way stop
simultaneously the first to proceed is the one with the courage to do
so. Need a source of strength in your travels? Let His love floor it
in your heart.)

>> > Elvis - Jesus Similarities: > >
>> >
>> > * Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
>> > * Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
>> >
>> > * Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
>> > * Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
>> >
>> > * Jesus was part of the Trinity.
>> > * Elvis' first band was a trio.
>> >
>> > * Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
>> > * Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
>> >
>> > * Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
>> > * Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
>> >
>> > * Jesus was resurrected.
>> > * Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
>> >
>> > * Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and
drink."
>(John 7:37)
>> > * Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
>> >
>> > * Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
>> > * Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for
>breakfast)
>> >
>> > * Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
>> > * Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
>> >
>> > * Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According
to
>Matthew)
>> > * Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' many biographers. (Elvis: A
Golden
>Tribute)
>> >
>> > "[Jesus] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as
snow."
>(Matthew 28:3)
>> > * Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
>> >
>> > * Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
>> > * Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.
>> >
>> > * Mary, an important woman in Jesus' life, had an Immaculate
Conception.
>> > * Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis' life, went to Immaculate
>Conception High School.
>> >
>> > * Jesus was first and foremost the Son of God.
>> > * Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios, which today are still
>considered to be his foremost recordings.
>> >
>> > * Jesus was the lamb of God.
>> > * Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.
>> >
>> > * Jesus' Father is everywhere.
>> > * Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
>> >
>> > * Jesus was a carpenter.
>> > * Elvis' favorite high school class was wood shop.
>> >
>> > * Jesus wore a crown of thorns.
>> > * Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler.
>> >
>> > * Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.
>> > * Elvis Presley has 12 letters.
>> >
>> > * No one knows what the "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" stood for.
>> > * No one was really sure if Elvis' middle name was "Aron" or
"Aaron".
>> >
>> > * Jesus is often depicted in pictures with a halo that looks like a
gold
>plate.
>> > * Elvis' face is often depicted on a plate with gold trim and sold
>through TV.
>> >
>> > * Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
>> > * Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
>> >
>> >
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>----
>Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
>
>
---------End of Included Message----------

**************************
Lillian T. Eby, Ph.D.
Applied Psychology Program
Department of Psychology
The University of Georgia
Athens, GA 30602
Tele: 706-542-0378
Fax: 706-542-3275
leby@...

For results of the Career Experiences Study, go to:
http://teach.psy.uga.edu/dept/faculty/eby/career.htm

From: Skeptic X <SkepticX@...
To: SAGAN@...
Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2002 15:40:57 -0400
Subject: The straightest path to hell! You gotta love this!
                                  http://www.no-god.com/game/ej.html

--- In AFSforum@y..., Chromatic <chromatech1@y...> wrote:

25 Signs You Might Be A Member Of A Redneck Church

The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!"

The Bible's used mostly to create loud noises.

The collection plates are hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take
up the offering."
Then five guys and two women stand up

The baptismal fountain is a #2 galvanized washtub.

Baptism is referred to as "branding."

Saltines and Boone Farm wine are used for communion.

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

The choir robes were donated and embroidered
with the logo from "Billy Bob's Barbecue."

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to
howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift
something too heavy.

The pastor's colorful shoes have a visible "8 1/2" on
the back.

You hear long prayers complaining about the weather
and beer prices.

Holiday church decorations include Santa and the
Easter Bunny.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an
official church holiday.

Congregation grumbles about Noah letting coyotes on
the ark.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.


In a congregation of 500 members,
there are only seven last names in the church
directory.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish,
and what bait was used to catch 'em.

A member of the church requests to be buried
in his 4-wheel-drive truck because,
"It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out
of."

There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic
tank.

The finance committee refuses to provide funds
for the purchase of a chandelier because
none of the members knows how to play one.

The church bulletin has the NASCAR schedule printed on
the back.

The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come
back now, yah hear?"

The picture of Jesus looks a lot like Elvis!

Date: Sat, 21 Sep 2002 18:34:43 +0000
    From: "Hank Shiver" <revhank@...>
Subject: Redneck Terrorist Alert

Subject: Redneck Terrorist Alert


ALABAMA TERRORIST ADVISORY MONTGOMERY: (June. 11)

The governor of Alabama announced today that they have made a disturbing
discovery in his state. Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists
have become romantically involved with local redneck girls. The result is
not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting the creation of a new
sector of the human race: Islamabubbas.

So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but Pat
Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate and seal
them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following children:
Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Boudit
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin There Dundat

Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have sprung from
one couple:
Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin.



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A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him
looking for work in six weeks.

"A German doctor says: "That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another man, and have him looking for work in four
weeks.

"A Russian doctor says: "In my country medicine is so advanced, we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another man, and have
both of them looking for work in two weeks.

"The American doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way
behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the
White House, and now half of the country is looking for work, and the
other half is preparing for war..."

--- In AFSforum@yahoogroups.com, Dale Heatherington <dale@w...> wrote:
On Thursday 20 February 2003 1:23 pm, "activateatlanta wrote:
>  HAHAHAHA That's great and might be greatly expanded along the lines
> of something I saw a few years back. I think it had something to do
> with different types of "shit."  Perhaps "zen shit" or "buddhist
> shit" but I'm not really sure and I am not presently inclined to
look
> it up. But that is funny! Larry Darby

--- RELIGIOUS VIEWS OF LIFE ---

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit.

Agnosticism: What is this shit?

Let's see...

Pagan: It's natural for shit to happen.

Magus: I can control how shit happens.

Or : Magickian : I can control how my shit happens.

Satanist: Shit happening fascinates me.

And : New Ager: I must have wanted this shit to happen to me.

Wiccan: Fertilizer!

Baha'i: This shit just keeps getting better and better.

Secular Humanist: Shit happens to grow food.

another is: Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, Shit happens

Televangelist: Shit happens, send money.

Shirley MacLaine: I've been through this shit before.



--
Dale Heatherington
  http://www.wa4dsy.net
--- End forwarded message ---

Here are some of the signs carried by some of the protesters at the recent peace
march in DC.

- Drunken frat boy drives country into ditch.
- Bush/Cheney: Malice in Blunderland
- Let's bomb Texas, they have oil too.
- How did our oil get under their sand?
- Daddy, can I start the war now?
- 1000 points of light and one dim bulb.
- Sacrifice our SUV's, not our children.
- No George, I said Mac Attack.
- It's the stupid economy.
- Stop the Bushit.
- Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld: the asses of evil.
- $1 billion a day to kill people -- what a bargain.
- Consume -- Consume -- Bomb -- Bomb -- Consume -- Consume
- Disarm Bush too.
- An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind (Gandhi).
- Hans Blix -- look over here.
- Let Exxon send their own troops.
- Destroy Florida. [It could happen again]
There's a terrorist behind every Bush.
- We can't afford to rule the world.
War is so 20th century!
- Drop Bush not bombs.
- I asked for universal health care and all I got was this lousy stealth bomber.
- War is not a family value.
- Colorfully dressed drag queen carrying a sign that says: "I am the bomb."
- Picture of the peace symbol: back by popular demand.
- A picture of Bush with a red-stained upper lip: Got blood?
- A picture of Bush saying "Why should I care what the American people think?
They didn't vote for
me."
- Beneath a picture of a menacing soldier pointing his rifle/bayonet toward the
viewer: Say it!
One tion under God. Say it!
- What would Jesus bomb?
-  A village in Texas is missing its idiot!

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10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T
ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional ass whooping helps a child stay in line .
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.




10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS WHITE PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T
ADMIT:

1. Tupac is dead.
2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
4. O.J. did it
5. Teeth should not be decorated.
6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
7. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
8. RED is not a kool-aid flavor (it's a color).
9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
10. Your pastor doesn't know everything




10 THINGS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT SPANISH PEOPLE DON'T
ADMIT:

1. Chicken is food, not a roommate
2. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies .
3. Your country's flag is not a car decoration
4. Hickey's are unattractive.
5. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in
our family
6. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion
statement
7. 10 people to a car or home is considered too many.
8. Jesus is not a name for your son
9. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store can get your
ass whooped (or theirs).

Christ is on the cross, and Peter is down the hill comforting Mary
Magdalene when he hears a faint voice:  "Peter....Peter....."

"I must go and help my Saviour," he said, and went up the hill, only
to be beaten and kicked back by the roman centurions guarding the
cross.  But soon he again hears "Peter.....Peter" in even fainter
tones, and he cannot ignore the call.  Peter limps up the hill, leans
a ladder against the cross, and is halfway up when the centurions
knock over the ladder, beat him brutally, and toss him back down the
hill.

Again he hears "Peter....Peter......" ever fainter, and he cannot sit
idle.  He staggers up the hill, drags himself up the ladder, and
finally gets even with Christ's face.  Just as the Centurions are
reaching for the ladder, Jesus says, "Peter.......Peter......I can
see your house from here."

Monday,  February 17 12:01 AM EST

State Department Warns Americans Not To Act Like
Americans
By R.O. Whatley

Washington, D.C. - In what is believed to be its
strongest travel advisory ever, the U.S. State
Department today warned Americans abroad not to act
like Americans.

The US Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand proudly displays
the red, white and blue flag of France.

The advisory was issued simultaneously in Washington
by State Department spokesman Richard Boucher, and in
The Hague by a man who, in halting Dutch, denied he
was U.S. Ambassador Clifford Sobel.

Unlike previous alerts, which have warned Americans to
keep a low profile or avoid certain destinations, the
new advisory notes that it is now unwise to come
across as American at all. As a result, the State
Department cautions U.S. citizens to avoid behaviors
that could cause them to be singled out as obviously
American. These include:

the wearing of white socks and tennis shoes.
complaining if asked to share a bathroom.
threatening to sue over bad service, television
reception, or weather.
hegemony.
In addition, U.S. citizens attempting to speak a
foreign language are urged to curb their Americanisms.
For example:

Correct: Est-ce que vous l'avez aux autres couleurs?

Incorrect: Est-ce que vous, like, l'avez aux, like,
autres couleurs?

The advisory immediately created turmoil overseas,
particularly for U.S. military personnel, who
pretended to be French and were forced to surrender.

The alert also caused confusion at home, as it seems
to contradict the U.S. Department of Homeland
Security, which has warned Americans not to act
un-American. In a press briefing this afternoon, White
House spokesman Ari Fleischer attempted to unravel the
paradox.

"What we are saying is, when you are in America, you
need to behave like an American, particularly if you
are not American, or are Colin Powell. But when you
are outside America, you should not behave like an
American, unless you are not American, in which case
we urge you to act American. Here I refer specifically
to the NATO representatives from Germany, France, and
Belgium."

The advisory, Fleischer added, applies to all
Americans, including President Bush. "When the
President is traveling abroad, he will only act
American while aboard Air Force One or in the company
of U.S. media. At all other times, he will attempt to
come across as Kosovian or Grecian."

Reached for comment in Brussels, U.S. Ambassador to
NATO Nicholas Burns said, "Qing wen, ren min gong yuan
zai na li?"

     (C) 1999-2003 BBspot LLC

BBspot is a satirical news and comedy source and meant
to be funny.  If you are easily offended, gullible or
don't have a sense of humor we suggest you go
elsewhere.






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I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
he's running out of patience. And so am I!

For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who
lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who
runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm
sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I
haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a
few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well
hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very
good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have
leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll
pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights
and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will
be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel
will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the
street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to
me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little
difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I
need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do
whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife
and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq
is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass
destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as
much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr
Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by
eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-
term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How
will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using
the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her
up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
street.

no if it makes me laugh it is positive
people should stop taking themselves so seriously

--- bobblerft <bobblerft@...> wrote:
> How [exactly] does positive atheism/FT apply in
> terms of humor ???
> It seems to make fun of, is to be negative.   Can we
> have jokes and
> have our positive atheism too?   I crossposted this
> to AFSforum.
>
> Comments please...
>
> Bobbler
>
>
>


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From:   "Hank Shiver" <revhank@h...>
Date:  Mon Mar 10, 2003  3:30 pm
Subject:  Race and gender of Jesus

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black
1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was
God


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't get it
3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work
for Him to do

--- In AFSforum@yahoogroups.com, "Hank Shiver" <revhank@h...> wrote:
The Language of Our Times"

Wiser War Words


A lot of life's problems can be explained by
the U.S. Military and applications of common sense....

1.  "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    - Paul Rodriguez

2.  "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when
you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's
left of your unit"
    - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

3.  "Aim towards the Enemy"
    - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

4.  When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
    (U.S. Marine Corps.)

5.  Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs
always hit the ground.
    (U.S. Air Force.)

6.  If the enemy is in range, so are you.
    (Infantry Journal.)

7.  It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
just bombed.
    (U.S. Air Force Manual.)

8.  Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons.
    (Gen. MacArthur.)

9.  Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
    (Infantry Journal.)

10.  You, you, and you ..Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
    (U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.)

11.  Tracers work both ways.
    (U.S. Army Ordnance.)

12.  Five second fuses only last three seconds.
    (Infantry Journal.)

13.  Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything.
    (U. S Navy Swabbie.)

14.  Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
    (David Hackworth.)

15.  If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.
    (Infantry Journal.)

16.  No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection
ready unit ever survived combat
     (Joe Gay.)

17.  Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
     (Admiral Hornblower.)

18.  Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
    (Unknown Marine Recruit.)

19.  Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
    (Your Buddies.)

20.  Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
    (Saddam Hussein.)

21.  If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your
mission properly.
     (David Hackworth.)

22.  Waterproof sleeping shelters, aren't.

23.  Smokeless powder, isn't.

24.  Get your first shot off fast. This may upset your enemy enough to
allow you to make your second shot count.

25.  You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't count of
having both at once.

26.  Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the
dark.

27.  Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot
be courageous.

28.  Peace is an extension of war by political means.

29.  Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

30.  When handling stinging insects, move slowly.

QUICK POLITICAL SCHOLASTIC APTITUDE TEST This test consists of one
(1) multiple-choice question to be answered after review of the
following list of countries (and dates) that the U.S. has bombed
since the end of World War II, the list was compiled by historian
William Blum:
China 1945-46
Korea 1950-53
China 1950-53
Guatemala 1954
Indonesia 1958
Cuba 1959-60
Guatemala 1960
Congo 1964
Peru 1965
Laos 1964-73
Vietnam 1961-73
Cambodia 1969-70
Guatemala 1967-69
Grenada 1983
Libya 1986
El Salvador 1980s
Nicaragua 1980s
Panama 1989
Iraq 1991-2003
Sudan 1998
Afghanistan 1998
Yugoslavia 1999
Afghanistan 2001
QUESTION: In how many of these instances did a democratic government
that was respectful of human rights, occur as a direct result? Choose
one of the following:
(a) 0
(b) zero
(c) none
(d) not a one
(e) a whole number between -1 and +1

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He
immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I
have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite
as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first
room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept
diving in and surfacing
empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I
don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a
sledge hammer and a room full of rocks.  All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in
a spread eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle
this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

A lady walks into a penthouse bar and sees a really cute guy sitting
at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but
after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back
to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic
Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the
building 3 times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes
another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the
building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed
that she says she wants a
Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what
I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman,
you're a real asshole when you're drunk!"

I just uploaded a funny picture, look under photos.  I took this
photo over 10 years ago, I had forgotten but recently came across it.


[ I saw the boy with the priest in playboy... apparently its a real pic in a
church... Catholic I think... they commenetd on the position of the boy...  I
didn't think he chop-chop one was funny, LOL ]... BObbler

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?






George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken
is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.



Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.



Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.



Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going.
      I had standing order at the farmer's market to sell
      my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No
       little bird gave me any insider information.



Dr. Sues' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!



Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.



Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.



Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.



Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
      listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-
      warming story of how it experienced a serious case of
      molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream
      of crossing the road.




Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.



Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing
      walking around all over the place anyway?"




Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.



Rush Limbaugh's Answer:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone
out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of
this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by
their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your
money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens
to cross.



Jerry Falwell's Answer:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side.".



John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.



Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



Karl Marx's Answer:
It was a historical inevitability.



Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.



Voltaire's Answer:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.



Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.



Fox Mulder's Answer:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens
have to cross before you
     believe it?




Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
chickens.



Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken, please?



The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.



Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?



Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/

The dove pulling the kleenex out of the box is a nice touch, don't
you think???

The 8 Saddam body doubles were gathered in one of the bunkers in
downtown Baghdad.  Tariq Aziz, the Deputy Prime Minister, walked and
said,  "I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news is
that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs."
One of the doubles spoke up and said, "What's the bad news?"
To which Tariq replied, "He's lost an arm."

TV anchor woman Barbara Walters did a story on gender
roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War.
She noted that women customarily walked a few feet
behind their husbands.
In a follow-up story, she returned to Kuwait recently
and observed that men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Kuwaiti women and
said, "This is marvelous! Can you tell the free world just what it
was that enabled women here to achieve this total reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the woman.

http://www.workingforchange.com/article.cfm?itemid=14850

Funny pics & video group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Evil-Book

About 15 vids & a couple hundred pics, some mild nudity.

And my warped NOVEL is available in MS Word format.

What is a Bright?

A Bright is a person whose worldview is naturalistic (free of
supernaturalism and mystical elements.

Worldview:  The very skeleton of concrete cognitive assumptions on
which the flesh of customary behavior is hung.  (A.F.C. Wallace)

Naturalistic: The belief that the natural world is all that exists.

A Bright's ethics and actions are based on a naturalistic worldview

Be part of a Bright constituency for social and political action--

Email your name to:  TheBrightsNet@...

---  "HumanCarol" <humanist@a...> reported:

> More great coverage:

> http://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/story.asp?ID=3919

<<Geisert and his wife, Mynga Futrell, who write curricula for
science textbooks, boycotted the march. They stayed home to devise a
strategy to turn atheism into a political force. They believe the
movement needs an image boost, the same way homosexuals received a
boost when people stopped referring to them as "queer" and began to
use the term "gay." Geisert and Futrell even came up with a catchy
new term: "bright."

<<They define "bright" as anyone whose actions and beliefs reflect
a  world view free of supernatural and mystical elements such as
ghosts, sprites or gods. The two academics plan to build a national
constituency through the Internet. After 1,000 people enlist in
their campaign, they will build a website (www.the-brights.net).
After 100,000 enlist, they will begin lobbying for secular positions
on behalf of the group.

<<"Stop being philosophers and start being pragmatists," says
Futrell.

<<So far progress has been good, they say. Eighteen leaders of the
Coalition for the Community of Reason, directors of organizations
such as the Secular Students Alliance and the American Humanist
Society, have signed on.>>

Hi Free Thought fans, I thought you may enjoy hearing this hilarious
Mp3.com parody-chart topper, and couple of others - the 3rd being
VERY iconoclastic.
http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/388/tor_hershman.html

Best Regards,
Tor
)))((((((
(�)...(�)
....U....
..[___]..- - -{You may also enjoy my Yahoo group (check moi's
profile).  In the files you can hear, to the tune of "Here Comes
Santa Clause," my lill' parody "Jesus is a Fraud."