Bush Girls Gone Wild

http://www.shortnews.com/shownews.cfm?
id=58576&CFID=9671123&CFTOKEN=23381763
Bush twins asked to leave after naked hotel romp

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eat-the-press/2006/11/29/dont-cry-for-
them-bush-_e_34915.html

Jon Stewart clip:  "Argentina, former save haven for Nazi war
criminals, is drawing the line at the Bush twins."

That was fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bedtime Prayers In A Digital Age
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------



Now I lay me down to sleep,

from the nightstand, buttons beep.

PC all set to download a file

and send the mail in a little while.

Then gather the news before the dawn

and all the scores from fans long gone.





The AC is set to cut back on cool;

Lights to blink, the burglars to fool.

Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff;

CD to play some, then cutoff.

Sleep-maker set on medium tension,

Voice mail set on no-wake suspension.





Burglar alarm on delay activate;

Carport lite on, for son who's late.

Mr. Coffee all set to percolate;

Dishwasher to run at ten of eight.

Air purifier cleans each hour tonite;

Water filter to fill the tank just right.





DVR to tape three good shows,

Something to watch during winter snows.

Motion detectors on, to check what moves;

White noise machine set to seaside soothes.

Camcorder is ready to film in a flash

Blender's all set, the fruit to mash.





Lord, Bless our all-electric domain;

Keep lightning away if it should rain.

Let no errant shock reset it all;

Watch over the breaker box in the hall.

I'm wide awake now from all this hassle;

God bless our multi-megawatt castle.


---------------------------------------------------------------------


God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway;
the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell
the difference












.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me



The Earth Is Full - Go Home



I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha



This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me



So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time



Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult



If Progress Means To Move Forward What Does Congress Mean?



If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?



Politics - From The Words "Poly" Meaning "Many"; And "Ticks" As In
Small, Bloodsucking Parasites




The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name



He Who Dies With The Most Toys...Still Dies



Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway



Illiterate? Write For Help



Honk If Anything Falls Off



Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes



He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest



He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit



I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person



Dyslexics Of The World - Untie!



You! Out Of The Gene Pool!



I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To



Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?



It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now



And Finally...



I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

--- In FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com, "Donna Gore" <donnajgore@...> wrote:
>
> That was fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!


When I was school I cheated on my ethics test.
>

Im mailing the LIST DESCRIPTION out monthly,
because of so many of the "me too" posts..
And for the off topic posts..
Im open to comments and ideas from the other moderators on this..
I feel 80 to 90 percent freethought jokes is a good target..
This leaves room to post something you find really fully anyway.

NOTE on attaching pictures..
YAHOO will remove them..
I know its work, but you can go to this lists website
(you have to have a yahoogroups login)..
A good place to put them is under pictures
(there is a link on the left side of the main page)..

Thanks
Bobbler



FREETHOUGHT HUMOR.

Humor on the subject of religious fanatics, religious politics,
religious traditions, etc.

This list is mainly for freethinkers, atheists, humanists, etc.
I don’t know if superstitious people will appreciate this kind of humor.

Nothing but free argument, raillery and even ridicule will preserve the
purity of religion (Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Benjamin Rush).

Still, we hope readers can take jokes with a grain of salt when need be,
because there are no sacred cows to freethinkers.   However, the point really
humor.   We can only hope list members will try to post jokes that are funny.

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes positive atheism/FT
in terms of humor.   Maybe it will become clear later.
Although there will be no censorship on this list,
we do encourage *positive* atheism/FT
(if by only setting positive examples ourselves).
IMHO this means walking a careful line, and is something
open to discussion on this list.

NOTE:
"Attachments" are   ! NOT !   allowed,
because of yahoo rules...

Please post FT HUMOR as a web link, text, or dwnld to the files section...

This email list may go 100-percent moderated to save each of us,
from SPAM and OT posts.

Who is that woman being chased across the dirty ground of London town?  Solve
the mystery
of "The Maltese Blackbird" and there will be an answer...From the creator of
"Benjamin
Franklinstein in Paul Is Dead" and "The A-Christian-crats".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z1DrUdK-Nw

Holiday Eating Tips


I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and
forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police
come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get
through the holidays without gaining ten pounds. You can't pick
up a magazine without finding a list of holiday do's and don'ts.

Eliminate second helpings, high calorie sauces and cookies made
with butter, they say.
Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.

Good grief.  Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick?

I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either.  A carrot was something you
left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if
you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't
make if to New Year's? Your pants don't fit anymore, anyway.

  1. About those carrot sticks.  Avoid them.  Anyone who puts
     carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
     Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
     immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

  2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
     Like fine single-malt Scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
     rarer than single-malt Scotch. You can't find it any other
     time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
     10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
     turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
     it. Have one for me.  Have two. It's later than you think.
     It's Christmas!

  3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
     of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a
     volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with Gravy. Eat
     the volcano. Repeat.

  4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
     milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
     buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

  5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
     control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas
     party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.
     Hello? Remember college?

  6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between Christmas
     and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
     nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
     you'll need after circling the buffet table carrying a ten-
     pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

  7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
     like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
     position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as
     you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like
     a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're
     not going to see them again.

  8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of
     each.  Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
     one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have
     more than one dessert?  Labor Day?

  9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
     mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it all cost. I mean,
     have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip If you don't feel terrible when you leave
     the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
     attention. Reread the tips.  Start over.  But hurry!  Cookie-
     less January is just around the corner.

Gift Wrapping Tips for Men


This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,
went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact
there is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the
very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the
people giving those gifts had two important characteristics
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers.

Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so
somebody else can tear it off.

This is not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a
statistical survey of two guys I know.  One is Rob, who said the
only time he ever wraps a gift is "If it's such a poor gift that I
don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter
of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one
ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas,"
Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous
spitballs."

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills,
I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a
deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping
paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am
done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift
peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking
pen.)  If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies,
the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by
Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane.

My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she
gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries
separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental
illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual
volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills, like having
babies, that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why
today I am presenting:

GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when
   the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it,
   you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how
   to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with
   an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of
   food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper!
   Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive
   bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to
   delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning

   Your wife: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

   You: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!

   Your wife: (peering into the trash bag) It's a leaf blower.

   You: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

   Your wife: I want a divorce.

   You: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you
give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very
special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

--  Author Unknown (but definitely male)

As seen is this week's the Onion:

FAIRFAX, VA - Anthony McDermott's parents accused him of adding insult
to injury by choosing to come out via singing telegram.

My wrapping is sloppy.  In fact, my 2nd husband was so good at wrapping
that I made him wrap all the gifts.

However, he was not very good at being a husband.  (But that's another
story.)

Subject: Common Sense Math Problem


This equation should be taught in all math classes!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those
meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,

B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit
and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!







SVENTA ART WERKS
WORCESTER,MASS.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

--- In FT-HUMOR@yahoogroups.com, "Donna Gore" <donnajgore@...> wrote:
>
> My wrapping is sloppy.  In fact, my 2nd husband was so good at
wrapping
> that I made him wrap all the gifts.
>
> However, he was not very good at being a husband.  (But that's
another
> story.)



>WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS


We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas now bring us some beer!

Refrain:
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Good tidings for Christmas
and we really do want some beer.

Oh, bring us a frothy cold one;
Oh, bring us a frothy cold one;
Oh, bring us a frothy cold one;
and some shots of good cheer

Refrain

We won't go until we get some,
We won't go until we get some,
We won't go until we get some,
So bring some right here!

(Repeat, repeat and repeat as often as necessary and with staunch
determination until desired result is achieved!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

Amazing Home Remedies

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep   after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables; get someone
else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure  in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget  
about the headache.

7. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move
and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when   you might need them to empty your bedpan!!





SVENTA ART WERKS
WORCESTER,MASS.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

www.youaredamned.com

http://www.wyewood.org/lore/snail.html

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 .. I soon noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now monitors all other system activity like my applications such as
Golf 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can't
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite
applications! I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the
un-install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User

Reply:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and
Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its
Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to
return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program
files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual
under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and
work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application
"Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to
enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0
comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5,
and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper
use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt/
Big Boobs 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system. It may even crash your system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
X67861


Additional Support from a Discussion Board Participant:

You might also want to know that Wife 1.0 is "self aware". As an advanced
operating system, it is fully aware of your efforts to "correct", "remove" or
"repair" it, for it tracks every one of your keystrokes! So, by simply sending
out this "cry for help" to tech support, you may be required to immediately
purchase and install Flowers 2.1 and APOLOGIZE 3.3. Also, don't forget to
download It's ALL My Fault 4.1 and You Look Great In That 4.7. If those do not
work, Diamonds 5.0 or Grovel 1.1 should help, but I've been told they require
additional support from Swallow Pride 1.5 and Suck It Up 1.2.

I would not want to be in your shoes. Good luck!
__________________________________________________


D.Bailey/Artist

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

http://www.jibjab.com/originals/originals/jibjab/movieid/27

http://www.jibjab.com/nuckin_futs

Last thought (my brain hurts); I want to wish everyone a very
pleasant - but only if you want it to be - Kwanzahanuchriststice.




D.Bailey/Artist

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

http://www.datejesus.com/

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger
was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a
dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot,
blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description
for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols.
If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole
aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery
taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want
flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's
your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a
redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the
top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to
open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you
just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-
soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino,
extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh,
you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my
card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount,
deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the
kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my
Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it
doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass.
And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did
anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.
You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven
deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive
Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just
too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait.
They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for
M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,
old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex
a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's
remember the reason something was a television show in the first
place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from
rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it
for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people's version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I
just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed
to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on
your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 1/2 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not
cheese And I didn't really care in the first place.

I'll say it. I like to fuck. I do it a lot. And sometimes it gets me
into unfortunate situations. Like right now. Right now I am royally
fucking fucked.

See, I went to this big dinner party the other night, trying to stay
out of trouble, but lo and be-fucking-hold, who's there but one of
the fuckfiends from our sales team, wearing fuck-me pumps and this
little green skirt. So I fucked her. Twice. First time quick, second
time slow. And then I fucked her friend Michelle (a great fuck), and
Michelle's boyfriend, Alec, and his ex-girlfriend Rina, who's a
fucking Persian sex goddess. Same bed, same night.

Fucking incredible fucking.

Then it hits me: Fuck. Rina is my boss's daughter, that fucking fuck
Alec fucked my sister last year, and my damn wife told me last week
that if I don't stop fucking other chicks she's going to "walk out
that [fucking] door and never come back." And it takes a fuckload of
nerve for my wife to say that.

But look, I'm not some two-bit fuck who fucks up and then expects
some other fucknut to clean up his fucking mess. A man's got to take
some responsibility or he'll never amount to shit. I fucked my way
into this, and by God, I'll fuck my way out.

I'm so far the fuck up shit's creek, I can't see straight, but that's
my own fucking problem. If I'm between a rock and a hard fuck, I'm
going to choose the hard fuck every time. No regrets. I saw an out-of-
this-fucking-world gorgeous piece of ass-meat, and I pounced like a
fucking cougar. Any fuckhead who thinks I should have fucking walked
away is a fucking fucktard and I'll say it to his fucking face, the
fuckface.

But fuck if I know what to do next. If my mom were still alive, I'd
cry on her fucking shoulder. Man, I really stuck my fucking cock in
it this time.

I know a lot of fuckwads who wouldn't do fuck-all about this
predicament, just fuck off for a while and wait for the whole thing
to blow over. But you see, that's just not this motherfucker's style.
What the fuck ever happened to accountability? I can be a real fuck,
sure, but I fucking finish what I start, and not just when I'm
fucking.

In the end, I only see one way out of this: more fucking. Much more.
An all-out, nuts-in-the-guts fuckfest. Yes, one false-fucking-move
and you're ass-first in a fucking genuine clusterfuck real fucking
quick—but do I look like a green-eared sportfucker to you, fuckrod?

Item Number Fuck on my agenda? Swoop home like a fuck-falcon and fuck
my old lady like I love her. Keep fucking the skirt girl, plus hot-
fuck Rina to keep that screamer quiet. Then line up a pity-fuck-and-
suck with that fat-fuck deli chick, roll on out for a balls-out
fuckfest with the redhead twins (ménage-à-fucking-trois, for you
French fucks), and a three-day, four-night fuck-stravagaza down to
Mexi-fucking-co next weekend to see the fuckable Miss Esmerelda.

At the end of the day, I don't really give a fuck. These women can
fuck me around, but they know not to take it too fucking far. You
know why? Because you don't fuck with a fucker, that's why. And if
you fuck with a fucker like me, you'll end up being the fuck that
gets fucked. Simple as that.

Fuck.

> No Nativity Scene in Washington , DC this year
>
> The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in
> Washington , DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious
> reason; they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a
> virgin in the Nation's capital. There was no problem, however, finding
> enough asses to fill the stable.

These should be Constitutional Amendments!

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet
you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually
accomplish! Enjoy! :-)

10. Read less.


9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.


6. Procrastinate more.

5. Drink. Drink some more.

4. Start being superstitious.

3. Spend more time at work.


2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

and last but not least...

1. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!


----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

Im mailing the LIST DESCRIPTION out monthly,
because of so many of the "me too" posts..
And for the off topic posts..
Im open to comments and ideas from the other moderators on this..
I feel 80 to 90 percent freethought jokes is a good target..
This leaves room to post something you find really fully anyway.

NOTE on attaching pictures..
YAHOO will remove them..
I know its work, but you can go to this lists website
(you have to have a yahoogroups login)..
A good place to put them is under pictures
(there is a link on the left side of the main page)..

Thanks
Bobbler



FREETHOUGHT HUMOR.

Humor on the subject of religious fanatics, religious politics,
religious traditions, etc.

This list is mainly for freethinkers, atheists, humanists, etc.
I don’t know if superstitious people will appreciate this kind of humor.

Nothing but free argument, raillery and even ridicule will preserve the
purity of religion (Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Benjamin Rush).

Still, we hope readers can take jokes with a grain of salt when need be,
because there are no sacred cows to freethinkers.   However, the point really
humor.   We can only hope list members will try to post jokes that are funny.

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes positive atheism/FT
in terms of humor.   Maybe it will become clear later.
Although there will be no censorship on this list,
we do encourage *positive* atheism/FT
(if by only setting positive examples ourselves).
IMHO this means walking a careful line, and is something
open to discussion on this list.

NOTE:
"Attachments" are   ! NOT !   allowed,
because of yahoo rules...

Please post FT HUMOR as a web link, text, or dwnld to the files section...

This email list may go 100-percent moderated to save each of us,
from SPAM and OT posts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die,
your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Deane

Sventa Art Werks/// Wo Ai Nin

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Beware of dogma.
God is just pretend.
Recovering catholic.
Nothing fails like prayer.
The christian right is neither.
I believe in life before death.
Religion is myth-information.
Religion stops a thinking mind.
My karma ran over your dogma.
So many christians, so few lions.
Blasphemy is a victimless crime.
One nation under god = theocracy.
God, protect us from your followers.
There is no sin greater than ignorance.
Come the rapture, can I have your car?
Fundamentalism stops a thinking mind.
Doing my part to piss off the religious right.
Religions are just cults with more members.
Your kids and my taxes go to St. Pedophiles.
He's your god. They're your rules. You burn in hell.
At first they burn books. Eventually they burn people.
I've got nothing against god. It's his fan club I can't stand.
Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
When religion ruled the world they called it the dark ages.
Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Guilt, fear and mass insanity. Three cheers for christianity.
You found god? If nobody claims him in 30 days, he's your's.
To err is human. To really screw things up you need religion.
The only problem with baptists is they don't hold them under long
enough.



godlessAmericans.org

http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

http://youtube.com/watch?v=b2f4heaG288

Pay close attention to the background score !